Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Nobody’s Email: Tom Hanks in 8

Nobody Gets Email

____and I’m glad I got this one!

Tom Hanks…who doesn’t like Tom Hanks?

Enjoy!

(Thanks to Kim Komando)

 

March 28, 2015 Posted by | Entertainers, humor, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Email: The Difference Between a Conservative and a Liberal

Nobody Gets Email

 Ooooooo…I really LIKE this one. So true.Barney

Enjoy!

 (Thanks to Kris)


 Which side of the fence?

If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a Conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.  If a Liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.  If a Liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.  If a Liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.  If a Liberal is down-and-out he wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.  A Liberal demands that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a Conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.  A Liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a Conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.  If a Liberal decides he needs health care, he demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a Conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.  A Liberal will delete it because he’s “offended”.

Well, I forwarded it..

 

March 28, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Email: Children Explain the Ocean

Nobody Get Email

Hey! I posted this HOURS ago, only to find out it disappeared, along with some thoughts I had, on kids and their wonderful saying…Like when my 4 year old asked me if God was Japanese.

But, now I’m playing catch up…it’s time to write tomorrow’s Nobody’s Opinion so…just the joke….enjoy!

(Thanks to JR)


 Children Writing About the Ocean…

  1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 7)

 

  1. Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

 

  1. If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an  island. If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 4)confused baby two

 

  1. Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily  Richardson. She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

 

  1. A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.  (Billy, age 8)

 

  1. My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and  pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

 

  1. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the  ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My  brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age  7)

 

  1. Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

 

  1. I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 8 )

 

  1. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I  think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

 

  1. When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 8)

 

  1. Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

 

  1. On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was  going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

 

  1. The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)

 

  1. My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

 

If you didn’t smile at one of these, you need to find a better sense of humor.

 

 

March 22, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Email: Baby Elephant…First Bath?

Nobody Gets Email

Thank goodness there are people taking care of these wonderful creatures….

And in this world of people madness, there’s always the fun of babies!

Enjoy!

(Thanks to my dear friend Mona)

March 20, 2015 Posted by | humor | | 3 Comments

Nobody’s Email: It’s all about the Putt

Nobody Gets Email

I just read a book on WHY men and women are different,…..and while the book went on to explain our actual brains being wired very differently to support his many conclusions, I think he should have just used this joke.
Enjoy!
(Thanks to JR)
********************
How men and women record things in their diaries…


  Wife’s Diary: 
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit   late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior.

I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.

About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.

But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


Husband’s Diary:

   A two-foot putt… Who the hell misses a two-foot putt ?Obama putt

March 13, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | 1 Comment

Nobody’s Email: Lessons in Tolerance

   Nobody Gets Email

Now that I’ve just heard, we have Sharia Law in Texas, I thought I’d post this old favorite that has gone around the web with additions each time.

Enjoy! (Thanks again to Kris)

********   
Jiggs McDonald, NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster speaking in Ontario, says:

“I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto.  I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs.

Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.”Sharia for dummies

“That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque.

We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay,

“The Turban Cowboy,”

and the other, a topless bar, would be called

“You Mecca Me Hot.”

“Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called

“Iraq of Ribs.”

“Across the street there could be a lingerie store called

“Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret,”

with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.”,
and on the other side a liquor store called

“Morehammered.”

“All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us. “Yes we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on.”

And if you are not laughing or smiling at this point… It is either past
your bedtime, or it’s midnight at the oasis and time to put your camel to bed.

March 7, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Email: World’s Shortest Books

Nobody Gets Email;

Yes! It’s the weekend! Time for some of my Nobody Email! And here we have the worlds shortest books:cute kid three

Enjoy!

(Thanks to Kris)

*************

These books hold the world record for the shortest stories, and you must have a pretty good long term memory and be well informed to fully appreciate the humor.

World’s Shortest Books

MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS

By Tiger Woods

________________________________________

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY

By Jane Fonda, Cindy Sheehan

& Michelle Obama

Illustrated by Michael Moore

Foreword by George Soros

________________________________________

MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS

& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA

By “The Rev Jesse Jackson” & “The Rev Al Sharpton”

______________________________________

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL

By Hillary Clinton

_________________

Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY

By Bill Clinton

_________________

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD

By Bill Gates

____________________________________

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY

By Dennis Rodman

_________________________________

THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE

By Al Gore & John Kerry

_____________________________________

GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

By Amelia Earhart

____________________________________

HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST

By Dr. Jack Kevorkian

__________________________________

TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE

By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O’Donnell

__________________

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE

By Mike Tyson

__________________________________

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

_______________________________________

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS

By O. J. Simpson & Casey Anthony

_________________________________________

HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY

By Ted Kennedy

________________________________________

MY BOOK ON MORALS

By Bill Clinton

With introduction by

The Rev. Jesse Jackson

And foreword by

Tiger Woods with John Edwards

____________________________________________________

HOW TO WIN A SUPER BOWL

BY THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS

___________________________________________________

AND, JUST ADDED:

My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy

By Nancy Pelosi

________________________________________________________

And the shortest book of them all………………..

THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

By Barack Obama

March 7, 2015 Posted by | humor | | 3 Comments

Obama to Iran: If you LIKE your Nuclear Program, You can KEEP your Nuclear Program—NO PERIOD!

Nobody Knows

The BIG unknown question of this historical day was brought up by ‘President’ Obama, who said he did not even watch Netanyahu’s speech to Congress today, and his question was: Well, he didn’t say what he would do about Iran, nothing new here. Where was Netanyahu’s solution?

Evidently, you have to wonder if Obama was reading old Hillary state department emails by mistake, because the REST of us heard the plan: Don’t do this deal with Iran, because you will be giving them the capacity to develop nukes, which put the whole world in danger. AND Israel will protect itself from its own extinction.

That’s a plan if I ever heard one. By the way, what’s Obama’s plan? Is he going to send Beyoncé to sing to the Jihadist?Nancy Pelosi hand

While the world stood in awe at finally seeing a real leader come to America to try to educate us as to what was happening, all the time WISHING that we had a President like that, we also watched Nancy Pelosi –who was sitting there listening to Bibi, and she had tears in her eyes.

TEARS. Not of joy like the rest of us upon hearing a man who finally speaks the truth, but she was upset that a Jew could insult her so badly. Her ridiculous and obnoxious behavior alone brought more than tears to the rest of the world knowing how dangerously close we are to repeating history.

Yes, –on the floor of Congress today, Nancy Pelosi, the butcher of our American Healthcare system, was brought to tears by a descendant of Moses.

It was one of the highlights of the day.

Nobody Knows how ridiculous Obama looked today to the rest of the world, but on a scale from 1 to 10, I’d say about 200.


And speaking of scales…Hillary is getting heavier, have you noticed? Stress?Hillary joke

Nobody has known just how much FURTHER the corruption of the Clintons can go….but we found out today that Hillary had no intention whatsoever of getting caught pilfering the American taxpayers and other countries out of money for herself, because she made sure her emails couldn’t be found when she was Secretary of State.

First Clinton rule: Do NOT leave a paper trail, or any other kind of trail.

That’s illegal of course, but remember, Hillary is an old pro at shredding evidence. She’s almost made a career of it. Just ask Vince Foster….wait. We can’t. He’s dead. And Hillary cleaned out his trash can a few minutes after he committed, “suicide.” Nobody Knows WHY she did that, because she never told us.

Will Hillary get prosecuted for breaking the law like General Petraeus did today? After all, all he did was show some stuff to his lover. Hillary on the other hand, was committing high crimes for opening her private emails to hackers…which is how we all found out about it.

A famous hacker, hacked her emails. Ha ha ha!Hillary and cell phone

Will this scandal stop her from running for President?

Nobody Knows. But if you take a bet, you can bet that it will mean Hillary will just say, “Hey! I turned them all in!” end of story.

And speaking of end of story,

Remember when Obama said, “If you like your doctor, you can KEEP your doctor…PERIOD!”

I believe Susan Rice said something to that order recently about Obama’s relationship with Israel. America will always stand with Israel PERIOD!

Warning: Whenever they end their statements with the word PERIOD—-Then you know, it’s a lie.

And that’s why, Obama will never end this statement with a period:

If you like your nuclear program, you can KEEP your nuclear program. NO PERIOD.

Obama doesn’t have to say that to Iran…it’s all in the power of his little pen and phone.

In the meantime, NOBODY KNOWS how these people came to live in America, but I’d say they are the real reason, Netanyahu is needed now, more than ever. Nobody Knows how they got this stupid, but Nobody can make a bet, they all live in Nancy Pelosi’s district of San Diego!

Enjoy! There will be no periods.

(On a tip from Moonbattery)

March 3, 2015 Posted by | Barack Obama, humor, Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Email: Smidgens of Scandals That Obama Forgot

Nobody Gets Email

Here’s one that makes you think, about all the smidgens of scandals that Obama will never admit to:

(Thanks to Kris)


Bob: “Did you hear about the Obama administration scandal? surprise four

1 Jim: “You mean the Mexican gun running?”
 Bob: “No, the other one.”
2 Jim: “You mean SEAL Team 6?”
 Bob: “No, the other one.”
3 Jim: “You mean the State Dept. lying about Benghazi?”
 Bob: “No, the other one.”
4 Jim: “You mean voter fraud?”
 Bob: “No, the other one.”
5 Jim: “You mean the military not getting their votes counted?”
 Bob: “No, the other one.”
6 Jim: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?”
 Bob: “No, the other one.”
7 Jim: “You mean the of drones in our own country without the benefit of the law?”
 Bob: “No, the other one.”
8 Jim: “Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million and right after it declared bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?”
 Bob: “No, the other one.”
9 Jim: “You mean the president arming the Muslim Brotherhood?”
 Bob: “No the other one:.
10 Jim: “The IRS targeting conservatives?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
11 Jim: “The DOJ spying on the press?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
12 Jim: “Sebelius shaking down health insurance executives?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
13 Jim: “Giving SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and 3 months later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
14 Jim: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
15 Jim: “The president’s ordering the release of nearly 10,000 illegal immigrants from jails and prisons, and falsely blaming the sequester?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
16 Jim: “The president’s threat to impose gun control by Executive Order in order to bypass Congress?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
17 Jim: “The president’s repeated violation of the law requiring him to submit a budget no later than the first Monday in February?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
18 Jim: “The 2012 vote where 115% of all registered voters in some counties voted 100% for Obama?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
19 Jim: “The president’s unconstitutional recess appointments in an attempt to circumvent the Senate’s advise-and-consent role?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
20 Jim: “The State Department interfering with an Inspector General investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
21 Jim: “Clinton, the IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?”
Bob: “No, the other one.”
22 Jim: “I give up! … Oh wait, I think I got it! You mean that 65 million low-information voters who don’t pay taxes and get free stuff from taxpayers and stuck us again with the most pandering, corrupt administration in American history?”
 Bob: “THAT’S THE ONE!”

February 27, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

SNL….We Don’t Really NEED a 50th Anniversary…O.k.?

Nobody FlashesSarah Palin

Did you watch the SNL 40th anniversary last night? I must admit, I thought half of it was pretty lame, especially the Californians satire. As a “boomer” of course, I grew up with the Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy, Bill Murry crowd, whom I prefer. I realize the younger generation has their own sense of humor…which relies on fart and gross jokes and so on, so here’s some of my thoughts on the matter:

As to the best humor of the night: The woman who imitated Beyoncé, Maya Rudolph, cracked me up. Second to that, was Bill Murry singing about Jaws, because it was just so stupid. If you want to see that segment and missed last night, it’s below.

I kept waiting for John Belusi.Kanye west

As for music, Sir Paul McCartney’s vocal chords are giving out, as are Paul Simon, but at least they still sing live.

Adam Sandler was just himself. He is so much himself it’s hard to compare him…but I did like his “REUNION!” Jewish shout.

Miley Cyrus was so good singing an old Paul Simon song, one wonders why in the world she went off the deep porn end.

Wayne’s World was a good skit, and they seemed ageless…. and Seinfeld in his own little way, gave Sarah Palin a bit of payback being as many people think Tina Fey did such a great job of making fun of her it affected everyone taking her seriously. Good for Sarah for showing up.

The two moments that were the most annoying is when Chris Rock made the statement that Eddie Murphy single-handedly SAVED SNL. You would have thought Eddie Murphy was Obama, another one of Chris Rock’s favorite Gods. And instead of being brave and doing a skit like Bill Murry, or even Steve Martin, Eddie did nothing.

While Eddie Murphy was great, he was just one of the many. Chris Rock has rocks in his head.

And once again we were all wishing John Belusi was alive and could make fun of Eddie Murphy.

Many conservatives were upset about Jane Curtain making fun of FOX news babes, which is ridiculous. Of COURSE Rupert puts big busted babes on his show. It’s the truth…silly.

Chris Rock rant was WAY over the “Blacks ARE better than white people, and it’s time you all step aside and let us have the floor.” BS that’s becoming popular, you know, with the likes of Kanye West.

And speaking of Kanye West…this rich multimillionaire continues to sing the “I’m black and oppressed blues” because he was lying on the floor. if Kanye thinks life is unfair that Beyonce never gets her big award, WE think its unfair that a no-talented guy like Kanye can become a billionaire, and then get a platform to attack every white person on the planet.

While it was nice to see some old faces, and get a few laughs—-let’s hope they skip the 50th anniversary.

The site of Chevy Chase barely standing, was enough to pull a heart.

 

February 16, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | 2 Comments

Nobody Flashes Beer Bottle Music

Nobody Flashes

I think I might have posted this before, but it’s worth a second fun time.

Enjoy!

(I love these guys.)

February 15, 2015 Posted by | humor, music | , | 1 Comment

Hitler Finds Out About Brian Williams

Nobody Flashes

Don’t you wonder what this actor thinks about all these different versions of himself playing Hitler?

This one is funny too. I can’t get enough of these.

Enjoy!

February 14, 2015 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Valentine Email

Nobody Gets Email on Valentine’s Day

Yes, Confucius had a lot to say on the matters of the heart, according to this email.

(Thanks to Kris)

******confusious one

Confucius Say: 

 It’s OK to let a fool kiss you, but don’t let a kiss fool you. 

 Confucius Say: 

 A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.
 
Confucius Say: 

 It is better to lose a lover than love a loser.
 
Confucius Say: 

 Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy. 

Confucius Say: 

 Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax, doesn’t know if he’s coming or going. confusious two

Confucius Say: 

 A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.
 
Confucius Say: 

 Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest.
 
Confucius Say: 

 Viagra is like Disneyland… a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
 
Confucius Say: 

 It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want. 

Confucius Say: 

 A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don’t get it. 

 

 

 

 

February 14, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

Is THAT Brian Williams?

Nobody Flashes

We have just found some footage of Brian Williams…yes that’s him…he got hit in the head by a sniper attack, which just grazed his temple, while reporting on a dangerous mission over Russia, and passed out from the blow,—-he nearly died! But the Navy Seals that were jumping into enemy territory, rushed to his  rescue…and just in time too.

Wait…it’s not him? ….Oh.

Here’s some good news…these guys are fantastic, and thanks to them, the real guy in this video will live to tell the world that his name is NOT Brian Williams. In fact, Brian was in the car down below, talking to his daughter on the phone, and they weren’t anywhere near Russia.

It’s a good news story, and I promised you one…because it’s Sunday.  :)

 

February 8, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

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