Nobody Knows it, but I do wonder…Did Soap Opera’s die because real life news became more of a weekly soap opera to watch? Last week the daily news was filled with suspense: Was Obama playing golf while Putin mocked him by flying jets over our ships? (well, yes.) Will there be another standoff on the Bundy Ranch? (probably) Will Detroit get global warming subsidies from Obama, because of its record snowfall (it’s possible, but not sure yet) Will Eric Holder have another racist breakdown? (Hopefully) ….
I don’t know about you, but the suspense of the daily news, is much more enticing than even when Luke and Laura got married on General Hospital, and THAT was one exciting day! And speaking of hospitals…
Nobody Knows why the latest report on how marijuana changes your brain didn’t come out BEFORE they legalized it in Colorado:
– A small study of casual marijuana smokers has turned up evidence of changes in the brain, a possible sign of trouble ahead, researchers say. “What we think we are seeing here is a very early indication of what becomes a problem later on with prolonged use,” things like lack of focus and impaired judgment, said Dr. Hans Breiter, a study author.
Yes, anybody who has friends that have used marijuana daily can tell you for sure: Do NOT ask them to mow your lawn. It’s also not known if the reason why most liberals are so brain-damaged— is because they smoked more dope in their youth than conservatives. As an example, all we have to do is look at brain damage in the White House.
And speaking of brain damage…
Nobody Knows that they are finding out that young kids who spend their time playing kiddy games on the IPAD are having problems using their hands. Not to mention, they are becoming addicted the them. (see below) The study found out that the kids can’t do much at all with their fingers but wipe. They have no dexterity in their fingers, not doing the normal things that kids do like build with blocks.
But…think—- what finger motion is done every single day by everyone on the planet? You swipe your credit card. Nobody Knows if the vast globalization of future consumers is being programmed to spend money from a young age, but I don’t think anyone even thinks that marketing guru’s would even wish that on young kids. (Haaaa…of course they would!)
Nobody Knows whose bright idea it was to put into the tax code that you could take off your abortion, and your birth control pills, and your vasectomy. (Kathleen? Holder?) And Nobody Knows how you can claim a deduction for these things since the government is paying for them anyway, not you? Anybody figure that one out? AND…as an extra bonus, if you commit a murder, you can deduct your legal expenses. (Even if the state supplies it? ) Can taxes get more confusing?
According to Donald Rumsfeld, they can..
Nobody Knows that I am so glad Donald wrote that letter because, I think when the IRS comes to audit all the good patriotic people, all we have to do is show them Rumsfeld letter, and plead the fifth. (That was a really, peachy keen letter Mr. Rumsfeld, thanks!)
Come back next week for more DAYS OF OUR American LIVES…and why we have no clue about any of them.
It’s Friday, the sun is shining, everybody and their mother is out driving around on motorbikes, tops down, radio blasting…
Do we REALLY care that somebody threw a shoe at Hillary?
Nah. I would have preferred, a cream pie.
Nobody Knows—how Al Sharpton, just overnight—- became an American hero. It seems, he has been the black knight in shining armor, working overtime for the FBI…putting in jail, the most notorious of criminals by going underground:
The former mob snitch has become a regular in the White House, where he has met with the 44th president in the East Room, the Roosevelt Room, and the Oval Office. He has also attended Obama Christmas parties, speeches, policy announcements, and even watched a Super Bowl with the First Family (an evening the man has called “one of the highlights of my life”). During these gatherings, he has mingled with cabinet members, top Obama aides, military leaders, business executives, and members of Congress. His former confederates were a decidedly dicier lot: ex-convicts, extortionists, heroin traffickers, and mob henchmen. The man’s surreptitious recordings, FBI records show, aided his government handlers in the successful targeting of powerful Mafia figures with nicknames like Benny Eggs, Chin, Fritzy, Corky, and Baldy Dom.
Yes, Al was known to hang around the deep underworld, where the black neighborhoods deal in drugs, guns, and the mafia controls it all. So, what did Al Sharpton do to go from being just another cocaine hustler to the top ranks of the democratic party, rolling in riches and his own TV show?
Nobody knows, but Nobody Wonders why it took Sharpton so many years to work on this, and what crime he committed to be turned. One thing is certain, we never will know.
Are AL’s race bating days, and gangster ties over?
Can a rat fly to the moon and fart rainbows?
And speaking of the underworld…..
According to the New York Post, five-pointers believe:
Black people are the fathers and mothers of civilization, white men are the devil, the Christian god is nothing more than a ghost and only a small percentage of people understand the world. “The rationale is that the black man is God and created the universe, and is physically stronger and intellectually stronger and more righteous naturally,” says Michael Muhammad Knight, an author of two books on the radical group. “Whiteness is weak and wicked and inferior — basically just an errant child who needs to be corrected.”
Since Beyonce and Jay Z are bosom buddies with Barack Obama, Nobody Knows if Obama is a five-pointer too. But if you judge a man by the company he keeps: then Obama could very well be, a racist, mob Don, Muslim thug, with a big drug addiction.
Nobody Knows— Obama is searching for brownie points for democrats, so he has announced two important things he has on his mind to put in his executive do to list: Cow Flatulence, and women’s wages.
Obama intends to cut cow flatulence by 25 percent, and raise women’s wages from 77 cents on the dollar to 100 percent
Although the White House does not pay women equal, according to Jay Carney, they are very transparent about it, because not all women in the White House work the same hours…
Got that? Like Obamacare: Obama is exempt from his own laws. He can pay women in the White House less, and ignore the tremendous cow flatulence within the White House Walls. How he plans to stop cows from farting is beyond anyone’s guess. But I don’t think we want to know, do you?
Nobody Knows—: Recently there was a report that the top 1percent is not doing as well as the top .01 percent.
Foreign profits held overseas by U.S. corporations to avoid taxes at home nearly doubled from 2008 to 2013 to top $2.1 trillion, said a private research firm’s report, prompting a call for reform by the Senate’s top tax law writer. Conglomerate General Electric Co had the biggest pile of earnings stored abroad, at $110 billion, the firm said. Next were software maker Microsoft Corp, with $76.4 billion; drugmakers Pfizer Inc, with $69 billion, and Merck & Co Inc, with $57.1 billion; and high-tech group Apple Inc, with $54.4 billion, it said.
And Nobody Knows why these corporations can get by with this, but as long as the top 1 percent keeps getting hit with high taxes, the politicians, who get money from the .01 percent, won’t do a thing.
Nobody Knows— what’s becoming of the women lately. A stenographer named Dianne Reidy, went crazy on the House floor, while the House was voting to raise the debt limit:
She was taken out of the chamber, but not before shouting, “He will not be mocked! You cannot serve two masters! This is not one nation under God, It never was, had it been, the Constitution would not have been written by Freemansons, the go against god. “
And then, there was THIS women, who lost it in a Florida McDonalds
Nobody Knows what caused these women’s outbursts, but no doubt, it was because they were both being paid 77 cents on the dollar.
Next week: We will explore why Nobody Knows if Noah really talked to rocks.
Obama has proven that going on entertainment shows to push his agenda gets him the votes, because that’s where his base lies: in the place where most people don’t read. They get all their information from the comedians.
So—Jimmy Fallon did this to get the conservatives to watch his program, although you can be sure, he will never let them knock Obama…..and I for one, think Sarah Palin is a much better….entertainer than Obama. He’s jokes are always mean.
Her sense of humor far outweighs Obama. Even the women they used to bring her down—Tina Fey.
So—Enjoy Sarah…if you haven’t seen this already.
(And does she really play the flute? Anybody?)
This week we have the woman responsible for the Obamacare rollout, actually become speechless after she hears the how much people HATE it. Does she respond to the abomination called Obamacare?
NO…she is guilty. Thus the silence.
Hey, it happens to all of us. For instance, if you had just totally wreaked your wife’s brand new $55,000 Cadillac Sedan, and she had accused you of not paying attention, you too, would remain speechless. Obamacare is destroying the nation…and she IS guilty of promoting this holocaust on us all.
But hey, she’s getting paid to say something and she doesn’t.
And then, we have these guilty dogs. Yes, all over the nation, dogs are eating slippers, peeing on just made beds, ripping up cat litter, and doing things that are making their masters lives…very unpleasant. As you can see, when caught, they do the same than as Sebelius: they say…nothing.
So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?
Congratulations Kathleen, you win.
Not only should you have been fired years ago, you never should have been hired in the first place. No dog on the planet is causing the damage that you are inflicting upon millions…
We LOVE our dogs. You on the other hand, are in the American dog house.
It’s opening day for baseball in America, and the last day to sign up for Obamacare before you ‘supposedly’ get fined. Which event got more boos? New York Mayor Bill de Blasio throwing out the first pitch? Or the Obamacare website which, once again, crashed twice. This pretty much sums up that reaction;
Nobody Knows: It’s been almost two weeks, and nobody knows where the Boeing 777 went, but what we DO know, is that the cable stations have MILKED this story for all it’s worth. Did the pilot kill the passengers by going up to 45,000 feet? (And do oxygen masks stop working at that altitude?) Did he just kill the oxygen? Did he program the plane to turn left? Was it an electrical short? Was there another person on that plane that helped hide Obama’s birth certificate in Hawaii? Was this a radical Muslim working with Obama on a secret mission to hide out in an undisclosed bunker, until the day it would be released only to drop a nuke on Washington D.C. while Obama (and his buddies) were out-of-town? Hey…that’s at least as feasible as the Indian Triangle supernatural theory. Or aliens stealing it to study. And since two Iranians got on board illegally, will Israel be the target? Nobody Knows. Nobody knows what happened to Jimmy Hoffa, but then again, Nobody Cares.
Nobody Knows just when they are going to stop talking about it, but if you want to read ALL the theories, it’s all here.
Nobody Knows: Gee. When did GM get a woman CEO? (just a few months ago) Was this done in order to ‘soften’ the blow that for 11 years GM knew about a hazard that killed people in their cars, but it was all about keeping your eye on that bailout money? You had more important things to do GM? Was that part made in China? Anyway, the woman is now being hailed as great, (just watch this fantastic propaganda video below) because she came out and admitted it. Mary looks like everybody’s sister…you wouldn’t want to hurt dear Mary by suing GM now would you? Evidently Mary just found out about this..so I suggest Obama make her his new Auto Czar. Being good at denying knowledge of ANYTHING, is the progressive metal of honor. And speaking of Metals of honor–
Nobody Knows why Obama gave veterans Metals at the White House today. Everybody knows he hates the military. I think I would have suggested they send it to me in the mail. I don’t care how much I deserved that metal, to receive it from Obama would have been…more than a letdown. I would have HAD to say something like “I don’t LIKE what you are doing to our veterans Obama, and …just hand it to me. I want my fellow soldier to do the honors.” And then, I would have been escorted out of the room, and you would have never seen me again.
I don’t think I could have done it. But that’s me.
Nobody Knows—that I watched the movie, THE AMERICAN staring George Clooney last night, and unless you like an hour of sex scenes, with what is SURE to be a photoshoped Clooney, skip this one. On a scale of one to ten, I’d give it a .0005. There was only one scene that was worth watching, the evil sinister woman assassin gets a bullet to the head,–very rewarding, looked real. She deserved it. George had ONE expression throughout the whole movie, no doubt, from eating too many goats in Somalia.
Nobody Knows if Russia is going to invade all its old territories, since it has announced that it could make nuclear toast out of America. And Nobody Knows, if those elite rich snobs in the European Union still think the United States is going to come to their rescue. Would they give up their countries for Putin’s assurances that they would be allowed to keep their own fortunes?
EVERYBODY knows that answer.
Nobody Knows–It’s now being revealed that the NSA has recorded every single phone conversation ever held in probably every country. So, Nobody Knows why they haven’t used that to find out where that plane went….probably because they were listening to Mitt Romney’s phone conversations.
He has a really big family. So does Sarah Palin. I, on the other hand, am VERY boring. Absolutely. I swear on Justin Bieber’s left foot.
Nobody Knows—how hard it was to date Mick Jagger. (His girlfriend committed suicide) and Nobody Knows how Justin Beiber really hurt his foot. And Nobody Knows how many girls are going to complain to their boyfriends that they want to make love in the back of a limo because Beyoncé does it. And Nobody Knows if those girls will have to PAY for that limo. (See Beyoncé’s last video because Bill O’Reilly can’t stop talking about it.)
Nobody wonders if this is going to boost limousine company profits? Anyone with a limo service out there?
Nobody Knows what we found out that Obama did this week:
“In a move that went little noticed in 2009, the White House quietly amended portions of the Freedom of Information Act, making it more difficult for Americans to request public documents for review.”
Yes…the powerful don’t want you to know.
So, you won’t. Hey, we STILL don’t know who killed JFK, so we might as well get used to being ignorant.
And finally, Nobody Knows, I have no idea how to fly a plane, and Nobody Knows, that I thought this video was cute.
Next week, I’ll be sure to tell you more stuff…I don’t know.
Something tells me this guy has spent his whole life watching cartoons. I wonder if he imitates movie stars when he is trying to impress women. Does he ask for a beer from his favorite gal, in his John Wayne voice? Does he switch to Joan Rivers when he’s talking to his mom? Can I get him to sound like Obama and call the IRS and tell them to give me a tax break?
Okay, sorry about my lack of posting today–my Sunday has been filled with family matters…so I’m working on tomorrow’s already. But…to be able to imitate ANY voice, that’s a talent worth having….just THINK of the possibilities.
Watch, and maybe wonder like I did—
(As posted on Glenn Beck)
I hate to make the comparison today, but it remains to be said: there are two missing items in the world, and finding them is of the upmost importance;
First, Malaysia is missing a Boeing 777. Not exactly a hard thing to lose, but lost it they have. In fact the whole world is out trying to find flight 370, because there were about 239 people on it. And it’s been a wild goose chase. Six days, and 10 nations using 56 surface ships have been running all over the oceans trying to find it.
First it was here. then over there, then…well..where did it go? China thought they spotted it, but no. Then got mad and said everyone should coordinate.
Daily Mail: A Malaysia Airlines plane was sending signals to a satellite for four hours after the aircraft went missing, which means it could have flown a thousand miles from its last known location, according to officials.
U.S. sources have revealed that the plane, which lost contact with ground control at 1.07am on March 8, was in fact still in contact with satellites operated by Boeing. Experts suggest the way communications systems were shut down mean the plane was shut down ‘deliberately’ and ‘systematically’
(My first nobody thought was: Mmmmm, two Muslim pilots…maybe Allah called them at a very inopportune moment. But right from the start, we must NOT suspect these pilots because they were…experienced.)
Insinuating that only an inexperienced pilots would hide a plane. Of course, Farig Abdul Hamid, (one of the pilots) was a “good boy” and was always at the mosque, and had a flight simulator at home, and has been known to let a pretty face into the cockpit.
Must be nice. They said the same thing about Ted Bundy.
Nevertheless the plane remains lost.
The other item lost, was…a penis.
Police in the United Kingdom reportedly shut down part of a busy motorway in Middlesbrough, England, Thursday to search for a man’s missing penis
Yes, the poor guy was sitting on the side of the road, and somebody had…well, cut it off and tossed it. They induce the man into a coma…and for good reason.
The penis has not been found.
Really, I can’t have a Nobody’s Perfect contest this week on this one, although I think that 229 people losing their lives is a heck of a lot worse than a man losing his penis. I was supposed to do this column on MONDAY night, and I forgot the day, so it’s only fair that I give the guy some slack.
Nobody’s Perfect. :)
Hopefully, someone will donate a penis to the guy so that when he wakes up, he can go on living some kid of normal life.
And hopefully, that plane isn’t sitting on some island somewhere, filling up for a new takeoff…
They may never find this plane…or they already have, and they don’t want ANYONE to know what happened.
My guess, is that’s the real story…the real truth…has been lost.
Here’s a perfect example of how liberals stomp and scream about…nothing. Lois Lerner refused to answer questions in Congress today, so Darrell Issa closed the whole thing down because staying would be a complete waste of everybody’s time…
Unless of course, you wanted to get some camera time. Elijah Cummings felt betrayed! How DARE he not be allowed to speak, so he said he had a question.
Which he didn’t. He just forget it. Or left it. Or it never existed. Maybe his new girlfriend was watching…
Mr. Cummings,” Issa said, “where is your question?”
“If you will sit down and allow me to ask a question! I am a member of a Congress of the United States of America! I am tired of this! We have members over here, each who represents 700,000 people! You cannot just have a one-sided investigation. It is absolutely something wrong with that and it is absolutely un-American!” Cummings shouted.
“We had a hearing. The meeting’s adjourned. I gave you an opportunity to ask a question. You have no question,” Issa said.
Okay. This is your congressman, who evidently doesn’t care that his ‘question’ will get no answer whatsoever, he wants the right to ASK it.
Really, you have to wonder how Darrel Issa manages…with such stupidity. And let’s not forget, he also has to deal with the newly freed slave, Sheila Jackson.
She said: ‘With age, I am able to appreciate the beauty in small things more than when I was younger perhaps because I pay attention more.
‘I feel myself becoming part of everything. I seem to be super sensitive to people’s joy and pain. I ache for unwanted children in the world, for polars bears, and elephants, and Monarch butterflies, and dolphins, gorillas and chimpanzees.’
Too bad she couldn’t appreciate (or wasn’t paying attention) to what an insult it was to all Americans to see her sitting on our enemies cannon when she was younger. Someone should ask her if she can cry about it now?
She aches…for everything.
Hey, I ache for a decent President, what’s that mean?
I must not be old enough yet, because the beauty in Jane Fonda has just not hit me. I can’t find it.
I might have to make it to 159 to appreciate her….
Nobody Gets Email
Clearly, the Dutch army is not expecting a war any time soon.
(Thanks to JR)
It’s being reported that 20 very young bank executives all over the world, have committed suicide. One guy “jumped’ off the 33rd floor (raising eyebrows about the 33 masons) another put six nails into his brain with a nail gun.
(Let’s call the Netherlands)
Bloomberg is reporting this morning that former Federal Reserve economist Mike Dueker was found dead in an apparent suicide near Tacoma, Washington. Normally HousingWire wouldn’t cover deaths in the industry, but what’s strange is that Dueker is the third prominent banker found dead since Sunday.
On Sunday, William Broeksmit, 58, former senior manager for Deutsche Bank, was found hanging in his home, also an apparent suicide.
On Tuesday, Gabriel Magee, 39, vice president at JPMorgan Chase & Co’s (JPM) London headquarters, apparently jumped to his death from a building in the Canary Wharf area.
Evidently most of these guys were happy campers, making a nice living…so at least it’s nice to know that they are not Michelle Obama’s list as “knuckleheads.” because no doubt they all had signed up for Obamacare.
I guess this would be funny, if we didn’t know that China has not bought any of our bonds for two years, our dollar is coming out of thin air, and the whole world is dropping the petrol dollar. Not to mention—everybody who knows something is telling you to hide your gold in your back yard.
And on that happy note, I’ll leave you with a happy video to wonder…what it all means.
Will the nobody squirrel escape? Hint: He did not work for JP Morgan.
Nobody Flashes Email
I had no clue who this guy was until this morning—-but, this IS a funny story, and it has to be true…you couldn’t make this up.
(Thanks to JR)