Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

SNL….We Don’t Really NEED a 50th Anniversary…O.k.?

Nobody FlashesSarah Palin

Did you watch the SNL 40th anniversary last night? I must admit, I thought half of it was pretty lame, especially the Californians satire. As a “boomer” of course, I grew up with the Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy, Bill Murry crowd, whom I prefer. I realize the younger generation has their own sense of humor…which relies on fart and gross jokes and so on, so here’s some of my thoughts on the matter:

As to the best humor of the night: The woman who imitated Beyoncé, Maya Rudolph, cracked me up. Second to that, was Bill Murry singing about Jaws, because it was just so stupid. If you want to see that segment and missed last night, it’s below.

I kept waiting for John Belusi.Kanye west

As for music, Sir Paul McCartney’s vocal chords are giving out, as are Paul Simon, but at least they still sing live.

Adam Sandler was just himself. He is so much himself it’s hard to compare him…but I did like his “REUNION!” Jewish shout.

Miley Cyrus was so good singing an old Paul Simon song, one wonders why in the world she went off the deep porn end.

Wayne’s World was a good skit, and they seemed ageless…. and Seinfeld in his own little way, gave Sarah Palin a bit of payback being as many people think Tina Fey did such a great job of making fun of her it affected everyone taking her seriously. Good for Sarah for showing up.

The two moments that were the most annoying is when Chris Rock made the statement that Eddie Murphy single-handedly SAVED SNL. You would have thought Eddie Murphy was Obama, another one of Chris Rock’s favorite Gods. And instead of being brave and doing a skit like Bill Murry, or even Steve Martin, Eddie did nothing.

While Eddie Murphy was great, he was just one of the many. Chris Rock has rocks in his head.

And once again we were all wishing John Belusi was alive and could make fun of Eddie Murphy.

Many conservatives were upset about Jane Curtain making fun of FOX news babes, which is ridiculous. Of COURSE Rupert puts big busted babes on his show. It’s the truth…silly.

Chris Rock rant was WAY over the “Blacks ARE better than white people, and it’s time you all step aside and let us have the floor.” BS that’s becoming popular, you know, with the likes of Kanye West.

And speaking of Kanye West…this rich multimillionaire continues to sing the “I’m black and oppressed blues” because he was lying on the floor. if Kanye thinks life is unfair that Beyonce never gets her big award, WE think its unfair that a no-talented guy like Kanye can become a billionaire, and then get a platform to attack every white person on the planet.

While it was nice to see some old faces, and get a few laughs—-let’s hope they skip the 50th anniversary.

The site of Chevy Chase barely standing, was enough to pull a heart.

 

February 16, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | 2 Comments

Nobody Flashes Beer Bottle Music

Nobody Flashes

I think I might have posted this before, but it’s worth a second fun time.

Enjoy!

(I love these guys.)

February 15, 2015 Posted by | humor, music | , | 1 Comment

Hitler Finds Out About Brian Williams

Nobody Flashes

Don’t you wonder what this actor thinks about all these different versions of himself playing Hitler?

This one is funny too. I can’t get enough of these.

Enjoy!

February 14, 2015 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Valentine Email

Nobody Gets Email on Valentine’s Day

Yes, Confucius had a lot to say on the matters of the heart, according to this email.

(Thanks to Kris)

******confusious one

Confucius Say: 

 It’s OK to let a fool kiss you, but don’t let a kiss fool you. 

 Confucius Say: 

 A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.
 
Confucius Say: 

 It is better to lose a lover than love a loser.
 
Confucius Say: 

 Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy. 

Confucius Say: 

 Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax, doesn’t know if he’s coming or going. confusious two

Confucius Say: 

 A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.
 
Confucius Say: 

 Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest.
 
Confucius Say: 

 Viagra is like Disneyland… a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
 
Confucius Say: 

 It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want. 

Confucius Say: 

 A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don’t get it. 

 

 

 

 

February 14, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

Is THAT Brian Williams?

Nobody Flashes

We have just found some footage of Brian Williams…yes that’s him…he got hit in the head by a sniper attack, which just grazed his temple, while reporting on a dangerous mission over Russia, and passed out from the blow,—-he nearly died! But the Navy Seals that were jumping into enemy territory, rushed to his  rescue…and just in time too.

Wait…it’s not him? ….Oh.

Here’s some good news…these guys are fantastic, and thanks to them, the real guy in this video will live to tell the world that his name is NOT Brian Williams. In fact, Brian was in the car down below, talking to his daughter on the phone, and they weren’t anywhere near Russia.

It’s a good news story, and I promised you one…because it’s Sunday.  :)

 

February 8, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Email: BS Protector

Nobody Gets Email

Here’s a joke that certainly fits the current occupant at the White House…short, and sweet. Obama BS protector

(Thanks to Tom Beebe)


HOT COFFEE
Gotta love those grand-kids .. I was eating
breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked
her, What day is tomorrow?”
Without skipping a beat she said, “It’s Presidents Day!”
..
She’s smart, so I asked her “What does Presidents Day mean?”
..
I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush or
Clinton, etc.
She replied, “Presidents Day is when the President steps out of
the White House, And if he sees his shadow, we have another year of Bull Shit.”
You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.
Have A Great Day!

February 6, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | 1 Comment

Nobody Cares if Randy Quaid is an Idiot.

Nobody Cares

This afternoon I posted Randy Quaid meltdown, and came back and found out it didn’t upload.

So…THIS guy says you can’t do it, but everybody is doing it because I saw it on Glenn Beck.

Nevertheless, I thought this guy was soooooo much fun, and because he rehashed the same old news we hear every day in a refreshingly new way…

I decided to post him instead. His name is Philip Defranco…check him out. :) He’ll tell you all about it.

(by the way, it’s still on Youtube, if you want to see it.)

And Enjoy!

February 6, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Perfect; Barack Obama VS Mike Tyson

Nobody’s Perfect:

This week we have two very famous black men making what many would consider….obnoxious mistakes.

First, let’s start with the champion of mucky Manchurian mistakes: ‘President’ Barack Obama. Upon finding out that Netanyahu is going to speak before Congress without his permission, the King of Muck got pretty mad, and said he would NOT meet with him when he gets here:Obama & Netty

So as not to look like the sore loser that he is, Obama put out this statement:

“As a matter of long-standing practice and principle, we do not see heads of state or candidates in close proximity to their elections, so as to avoid the appearance of influencing a democratic election in a foreign country,” said Bernadette Meehan a spokesperson for the National Security Council. “Accordingly, the President will not be meeting with Prime Minister Netanyahu because of the proximity to the Israeli election, which is just two weeks after his planned address to the U.S. Congress.”

Got that? He doesn’t want to influence the Israeli elections. And my dog doesn’t want to pee in the back yard.

So, what does he call sending over his finest advisors to Israel to work on getting Netanyahu thrown OUT in the next election? I thought he said he didn’t want to influence elections?

A former Obama campaign strategist is working in Israel as an adviser to a group determined to unseat Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu in the upcoming Israeli elections.

Jeremy Bird is one of four U.S. consultants helping the Tel Aviv-based Victory 2015, or V15, adopt American campaign methodologies like those that won President Barack Obama the White House in 2008 and 2012.

V15 says it backs no particular party but wants to “simply replace the government,” especially Netanyahu.

Ha! Obama wouldn’t care if a parakeet with a serious lisp got elected, anybody but Netanyahu. Can we call him a Jew hater yet? In Netanyahu’s case…yes.  Let’s add that to his ‘hate’ list.

Obama is acting just like Mussolini. And speaking of Mussolini.


The second mistake made this week by a famous black man was done by Mike Tyson, who is excited about channeling Hitler and Mussolini when he rapped a duet with Madonna on her new album, soon to be released after ….her last one make the charts…which might be…not too soon.Tyson and Madonna

Of his totally ad-libbed part of the song, the “Mike Tyson Mysteries” star revealed he channeled former Italian dictator Benito Mussolini – and he even gave a shout-out to Hitler for liking him! “When I did it, I think about being some guy like Mussolini and they’re really arrogant, but you try to come from a positive perspective and be uplifting,” he explained. “You watch Mussolini on television — even though we don’t understand what he’s saying — he is so mesmerizing. I look at myself in that way.”

Ooooooookaaaaaay. Mike finds Mussolini ‘uplifting’? He looks at himself that way? Whoa. He should get in a room full of mirrors with Obama and mesmerize away.

So who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?

Is it our ‘president’ who threatens to punish Netanyahu for not obeying his every word? Who does he think he is?

Mussolini? Hitler?

Or is it Mike Tyson, who is crazy about dictators, and crazy enough to blast it to the world on a record?

Which one?

Nobody decides: It’s…

Madonna! Yes, Madonna wins on this one. She is so desperate to sell a record she has to, once again, do something outlandish that EVERYONE will be appalled at, just so people will listen to her again. The last time she had a big hit, Elvis was still alive and being seen at car washes in Texas.

She has moved on from having sex with upside down crucifixes.

She probably even made poor Mike watch old films of Mussolini and Hitler just so he’d know who they were. You REALLY think Mike knows even how to find his own bathroom, let alone a history film? At least Barbara Streisand gets REAL singers to do duets with her.

Pretty pathetic if you ask me.

So, Congratulations Madonna! You win the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week, for losing your usual ‘shock and awe’ revival of yourself.

You SHOULD have picked Yoko….or did she turn you down? Madonna and Yoko

.

January 27, 2015 Posted by | Entertainers, humor, Obama, Uncategorized | , , | 2 Comments

What? You Haven’t Seen this?

Nobody Flashes

Okay, you all made it through the week reading my very depressing and very often, sarcastic opinions, so it’s only fair I share some laughs on the weekends, right?

If you haven’t seen this video, you might be the only one in the world who hasn’t.

Enjoy! (I like the pickle comment.)

January 23, 2015 Posted by | humor, Sports | , | 2 Comments

Obama: Quit Turning Your Friggin’ Pages, Put the Book DOWN and Walk Away!

Nobody Knows—

I decided this video pretty much summed up Obama’s State of the Union speech last night, and wasn’t near as long. I usually watch those things, and give a WAY too long summation.

I was supposed to watch Obama’s State of the Union Speech last night, but I turned it on, and he spoke about four words, and…I turned it off. Ruth asleep

Sorry. The pomp and circumstance were too much for me to bear. On this I wasn’t alone. Ruth Ginsberg couldn’t take it either.

Nevertheless, I heard he didn’t disappoint, The State of the Union..according to Obama …is GREAT!  Because of…him. And anybody who doesn’t agree with him WILL be vetoed. After all, he’s IS the President. And he wants more money, so he can give out more money, and the world has never been safer.

Right. And a pig can fly, cows can drive, and Obama will admit he was born in Kenya, and step down.

On a good note: a few of the Supreme Court Justices didn’t turn up. Why?

Here’s a few reasons: (Yahoo)

Justice Antonin Scalia’s absence is no surprise. It was the 19th State of the Union in a row that he’s skipped since he considers the speech a “childish spectacle.”

Thomas’s remark gets to the heart of why the State of the Union has become a painful event for the justices: the address has become a “political pep rally,” according to Chief Justice John Roberts (who still attends nonetheless), as the justices are forced to sit calmly while the President and members of government around them cheer and crow about the politics of the moment.

So, I’m with them. I only had to see a few frames of the man…and yes he is: A childish spectacle.

The question is: How many more pages does he have to turn?

 

 

January 20, 2015 Posted by | Barack Obama, humor, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Email: Why We Will MISS the Family….

Nobody Gets Email:

Here we have the timeless sayings of the last great generation, whose common sense has long since left the planet.

Enjoy!

(Thanks to Tom Beebe, who is still a kid.)

I really liked the TIME TRAVEL…what’s your favorite?

******************

Most of our generation 50+ was HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.

 

1. My mother taught me

TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL  DONE . “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside.Monkey laughing

I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock You into the middle of next week!”

4. My father taught me LOGIC. ” Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, You’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case You’re in an accident.”

7. My father taught me IRONY. “Keep crying,

And I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times.

Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”

14. My mother taught me about  BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . “Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. “There are millions of less fortunate children in This world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it from your father

When you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes,

They are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know

When you are cold?”

20. My father taught me HUMOR. “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,

Don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me

HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT . “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. “You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. “Shut that door behind you.

Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .

“One day you’ll have kids,

And I hope they turn out just like you !”

   This was only sent to the over 50 crowd because the younger ones would not believe we truly were told these “EXACT” words by our parents

 

 

 

 

 

January 17, 2015 Posted by | American Culture, humor | , | 4 Comments

When is Hollywood Going to Make the Annunaki Movie?

Nobody Reads

Forgive me for going off the deep end today, I am STILL reading The Lost Book of Enki, translation of the Sumerian Tablets by some guy who says that the oldest known human literature has all the stories of the Bible in it: Cain an Able, Adam and Eve, the Flood…and I’m taking it very slow because—-it’s just too damn funny. Annunnaki ship

Just to refresh your minds on the story of the Anunnaki, according to the Sumerians, the Earth was populated by a race of aliens from the planet Nibiru. The big King there sent his sons to mine gold on Earth and ship it back, and they basically mated with some primates on Earth to make the first HYBRID to do their work for them.

At first the female alien scientists, tried mixing up the sperm of the male aliens and the ‘human’ DNA —but one of the male Annunaki just mated with a human one day and that worked out pretty good.

Let a male Anunnaki a two legged female impregnate, let a combination offspring be born!

Taller the Earth child grew in the image of the Anunnaki he was not: His hands for tools were not suited, his speech only grunt sounds was.

We must try once more! Ninmah was saying The admixture needs adjusting:

The point being they had a lot of trials and errors trying to come up with the perfect human, but once they got that going, the male aliens started having sex with them, and soon, they had a lot of new slaves to do their work. Which was growing food, mining for gold, and tending sheep..sheep brought to earth from Nibiru for everybody to eat.

Just for grins, they even take one of these new hybrids BACK to their planet, but when he is there he is told by his alien father NOT to drink the food there. These aliens think IF he drinks their food on their planet he will be able to live thousands of years…just like them! They don’t want the humans to live too long.

After a lot of success in getting tons of gold sent back to their planet, ..global warming happens. The crops start dying. They blame it on the sun, not their big space machines polluting the planet which shows how much THEY know. The ice is melting, and they know the planet will soon flood. This is okay with them because they really don’t care about Earth anymore, due to the fact that it just dawned on them that by hanging out on Earth,  they are aging! OMG winkles on Anunnaki! They age faster on Earth than on their own planet of Nibiru! So, they all decided to leave.

Cindy Crawford was not born yet. If ONLY they had stuck around.

And that’s where I’m at in the book. And so, in light of having too much fun, I thought this movie review was right in line with how most liberal movie reviewers AND liberal book readers interpreting ancient Sumerian tablets look at life.

Enjoy!

January 17, 2015 Posted by | History, humor, Uncategorized | , , | 2 Comments

Nobody’s Email: And Now, We Pray….

Nobody Gets Email:

Update on my son and thanks for asking! :)
After he came out of his heavily drugged euphoria, he is finding out that ..it’s going to be a while before he can lay, sit, move, walk, or bend comfortably. BUT…since my husband has two titanium rods in HIS back, (Put in by the same doctor) he has at least another man in the family to assure him that “Yep…it’s going to hurt for awhile.”
The body is an amazing thing though…and hopefully, in 2 weeks he will be able to walk and sit.
Remember that song? “A Mother and Child reunion is only a motion away.”   With me, it’s more like  a nano-second. Anyway….
I got this today and thought, it would go well with my last post.
Enjoy!
(Thanks to Kris) dog praying
***********
In church last Sunday, I heard a sweet elderly lady in the pew next to me saying a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere that I just had to share it with you: 

Dear Lord: The last four or five years have been very tough. You have taken my favorite actor – Paul Newman; my favorite actress – Elizabeth Taylor; my favorite singer – Andy Williams; my favorite author -Tom Clancy; and now, my favorite comedian – Robin Williams. 

I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, and I have a special place in my heart for Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton….

January 16, 2015 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Email: The Pearly Gates of Heaven

Nobody Gets Email

This is a perfect joke for a Sunday…and it’s from my liberal friend who is an atheist.Odin

(Thanks to JR)


Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates  When two guys wearing dark hoodies,  And sagging pants, arrive. 
 St. Peter looked out through the Gates And said,”Wait here. I’ll be right back.” 
St. Peter goes over to God’s chambers And tells him who is waiting for entrance. 
 
God says to Peter: “How many times do I have to tell You? You can’t be judgmental here. This Is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!”
 
St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks Around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He Returns to God’s chambers and says, ” Well, they’re gone.”
 
“The guys wearing hoodies?” asked God.
 
“No. The Pearly Gates.”
 
 
 
 

January 4, 2015 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

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