The subject of ‘mental’ illness is being discussed now, due to Obama wanting to use that to get rid of the 2nd amendment, and if they succeed on just that point, that the mentally ill should not be able to get a gun, most of the government would NOT be able to carry weapons.
On that note, a joke from a reader…about the same subject:
Enjoy! Or not.
(Thanks to Tom Beebe)
|Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
Arch and Jan were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Arch suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Jan promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Jan’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Jan the news she said, ‘Jan, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love… I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Arch hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’
Jan replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?’
Happy Mental Health Day!
You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to an unstable friend… Done my part!!!
Since yesterday, the House has been in a Panic! The world as we know it, is about to end! All day long we saw meetings going on, congressmen being called to serve…serve…and SAVE the country!
Evidently, when McCarthy told everyone he was dropping out of the race for speaker, everyone went into shock…and tears.
From The Washington Post:
“It is total confusion — a banana republic,” said Rep. Peter King (R-N.Y.), a Boehner ally, as he recounted seeing a handful of House Republicans weeping Thursday over the downfall of McCarthy and the broader discord. “Any plan, anything you anticipate, who knows what’ll happen. People are crying. They don’t have any idea how this will unfold at all.”
What? There’s no crying in Congress!! What? There’s no crying in Congress!!
What a bunch of divas. What about the American people who are crying about their health care costs?
In the meantime, the rest of the nation is enjoying the most joyous video of the day…thank god for MS Columbia. We’ve had enough crying.
Like…How did the Pope go on such long rides without having to pee?
Can 200 million Muslims fit into a Prius?
Now that Mars has water, can we open up Guantanamo there, and give Obama the chance to once again let our enemies take a very expensive American asset over to use as his own Club Med for U.S. prisoners?
Will Obama give Castro $1.7 trillion dollars in reparations for the cruel and inhuman treatment by the U.S.A?
Why didn’t Putin take off his shirt in front of the U.N. audience? Or…did he just take it off in front of Obama?
Can we get Trey Gowdy into the Presidential race…is it too late?
Is the GOP National Committee Chair Reince Priebus going to change ALL the primary rules so that the only state that will vote for Jeb, Puerto Rico, will be allowed to kick everything off, by taking over Iowa’s job?
When Raul Castro met with Bill Clinton in New York, did they discuss the possible exchange of Monica for a boatload of life-time Cuban cigars for Bill?
Will we see Obama’s economic plans for the Middle East, and his jobs programs for jihadist before the next election?
Since the United States has allowed 2500 men who went overseas to train with ISIS, come BACK into the country, can we now dismantled the NSA, since clearly, it doesn’t work?
If Rubio can call Trump a “freak show” And Glenn Beck can call Sarah Palin a “clown”…can we now assume that Rubio and Beck had pretty sad childhoods?
Will Hillary’s new grandchild learn to say “Vote for Hillary!” right before her nomination as the democratic pick for President? Will she learn to walk on water before the Presidential election?
Does Newt Gingrich REALLY want his old job back?
Is Rand Paul just jealous of Ted Cruz? Is that why he is always picking on him?
Will they ever put cocaine back in Coke?
Can the Middle States of America just LEAVE the union, and bring back the Constitution, and let California and New York join Puerto Rico as satellite states?
Since Donald Trump boycotted Fox News, nobody has been watching Donald Trump, but then again, nobody is seeing Donald Trump either. Is this a checkmate?
AND—will Ben Carson sneak up on them all while this is going on?
Can we get Ben Carson to operate on Obama’s brain? Is that possible?
Will someone PLEASE outlaw flies? If we must have all these laws, why not a sensible one? (There is one flying in front of my screen right now.)
When Iran attacks Israel, will John Kerry finally get the Noble Peace Prize that he has been working for?
Is Trump really right about Carly Fiona? She is just another corporate Rino?
Are you, like me, worried more about what you don’t see on the news than what you do see?
Can we get Ben Carson to operate on Hillary’s brain?
Would YOU put a chip in your head so that you could find your car keys?
Could it be possible that there are WAY too many Monopoly versions on the market? Does every football caught on the field have to feel like the Pope just blessed a baby?
Can I stop now?
I had to post this today, because in my own family, this is happening. This Nobody (me) has been notified to STOP talking about religion and politics around her family. Of course THEY are allowed to talk about it, usually saying to me, things that cause my eyebrows to raise beyond my forehead line. My right eyebrow is floating somewhere near the Space Station.
In fact, trying to muzzle my own opinions is like trying to muzzle elephants on a rampage. I’m winning my own muzzling so far….but….my eyes might pop out…I might have to say something to someone. Hopefully—I’ll find the nearest lamp post and be allowed to remain in the family.
I thought it was only MY problem…this “We don’t want to be upset about the current state of our country.” so…shut up, until I watched this video.
Is anybody else having this problem in their families?
(Thanks to Mark Dice)
How about some politically incorrect humor today?
Jeff Dunham, so far as we know, is not on any list.
Or is he?
(Thanks Kim )
Nobody Gets MEANINGLESS Email:
(Thanks to J.R.)
Politics, we are finding out, can bring out the senility in many men…and this week we see two examples of that: Rupert Murdoch, who owns the most ‘conservative’ network in America, and Jerry Bance, a man who was running for office in Canada.
Let’s start with Rupert first: Rupert has said many a wonderful thing about Hillary Clinton, leaving all the people who watch FOX in complete confusion as to how a man who runs the most conservative network on Cable can be…a democrat? Say what? So, he is. And if that’s true, than all the stuff he has on cable is just to put huge wads of cash into his pockets, not to further any kind of belief he has.
And wise he is at that, because liberal stations, have no viewers. But we all had to wonder about Rupert’s senality when he tweeted this recently:
“Looks like Biden already running. Very likely he wins nomination and be hard to beat.”
Joe Biden…hard to beat? On what planet?
Is his head even attached to his body? (I’m speaking of Rupert here…we already KNOW where Joe Biden’s head is)
Evidently not. Rupert no longer listens to his own TV station, no doubt, all he sees at his age are the legs.
On the other hand, we have Jerry Bance, another conservative obviously missing a few marbles.
On Monday, Canada’s Conservative Party dismissed a parliamentary candidate after footage surfaced of him urinating into a homeowner’s coffee cup while on a repair call in 2012, the Toronto Star reports.
The incident was originally captured as part of a CBC hidden camera investigation of dishonest handymen, but the free-peeing repairman was only identified as a three-time Conservative candidate Jerry Bance this weekend. From CBC News:Bance had also run as a Conservative in 2006 and 2008. Jason Kenney, the high-profile Conservative minister and candidate from Alberta, helped him kick off his current campaign last week.
Well–I’m not sure how to compare these two…who should win this week’s Nobody’s Perfect contest?
Rupert? A multi-billionaire who doesn’t care if he pisses off 90 percent of the people who watch his cable network, by tweeting his excitement of another perverted democrat who might get in the White House?
Or Jerry Brance, who either forgot what toilets are for, or is just too lazy and old to walk to the bathroom? After watching that video, I’m never leaving another service man alone.
Frankly, I can’t pick either one. Both of them bring a bad taste to my mouth.
I say…it’s a draw.
Next week, I’m sure we’ll find a REAL winner.
—What I usually think about on Sundays. I have trouble getting my car fixed, can you imagine how hard it was to fix the Hubble Telescope?
Nobody Gets Email
Hey! It’s Saturday…the weekend over most of the world, and we can forget politics for two days…
I thought it was a good reminder of what happens when we watch Presidential debates…our brains might need a little rest:
(Thanks to JR)
SELF-EXAMINATION FOR ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE…It takes less than 15 seconds.
If you are over 45 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer’s Test
How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?
| | | | | | | | | |
You got all 6 wrong….didn’t you?
You do NOT have Alzheimer’s
You are a Pervert
Nobody Gets Email:
They had me at number one:
(Thanks to JR)
New and improved perspective…
1. I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
3. You can tell a lot about a person’s mood just by their hands. If they are holding a gun, they probably upset.
4. Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you’ve just met? That’s common sense leaving your body.
6. I don’t like making plans for the day. Because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.
7. I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a row.
8. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
—- Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers. If you find one, what’s your plan?
———- Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege.
Mark Dice—can’t even believe this one himself. He is getting people to sign a petition for a “male white privilege tax.”
Ha ha ha ha…ha ha! :) Okay. It’s not so funny when you see all the stupid people signing it.
Enjoy…or not. I haven’t decided yet.
Nobody Gets Email
Here’s the afternoon laugh from my liberal atheist friend, who loves off colored jokes about religious people.
Of course, I get a lot of ‘sexual’ jokes, and I find most of them boring…BUT…if they are clever and make me laugh, I try to picture Ronald Reagan telling them to his buds, and if I CAN…I then tell myself, life is too short not to laugh on a Sunday, right?
Almost Did It…
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’ The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’ The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’ The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.’ The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, ‘I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’ The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!’
Catholic Dog Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, ‘Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?’ Father Patrick replied, ‘I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.’ Muldoon said, ‘I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?’ Father Patrick exclaimed, ‘Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
Donation Father O’Malley answers the phone. ‘Hello, is this Father O’Malley?’ ‘It is!’ ‘This is the IRS. Can you help us?’ ‘I can!’ ‘Do you know a Ted Houlihan?’ ‘I do!’ ‘Is he a member of your congregation?’ ‘He is!’ ‘Did he donate $10,000 to the church?’ ‘He will.’
Marriage Humor Wife: ‘What are you doing?’ Husband: Nothing. Wife: ‘Nothing . . . ? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.’ Husband: ‘I was looking for the expiration date.’
Husbands are husbands A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. ‘What was that for?’ the man asked. The wife replied , ‘That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket. The man then said ‘When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.’ The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied. ‘Your horse phoned’
how the liberal press is going to react to the fact that in Sharknado 3 tonight, there was a busload of conservatives having fun! Ann Coulter was the Vice President! And she was left alive. God bless the writers! Michelle Bachmann also had a few lines, and Mark Cuban played the President…a man as controversial as Donald Trump and big fan of Ayn Rand. Anthony Wiener ALSO had a cameo.
None of them were eaten by a shark. As you know, I was hoping for a sequel in which sharks would eat all the politicians in Washington, and even though they didn’t do it, they did destroy D.C.
Sharknado 3 was just too much fun, and a much-needed laugh…
And boy do we need a laugh…because this last week, we saw Obama make an unbelievable progressives blunder by giving Iran a pathway to nuclear power, along with who knows what else in that secret deal that he won’t let Congress see. It was a week of various strange vegetating almost Sharknado anomalies of unknowable consequences…so let’s get started on a few of them:
Right after five Marines were blasted away by a young Muslim wannabe Allah companion in Tennessee, our ‘President’ went on Jon Stewart’s program to basically flash his big grin and be adored.
Nobody Knows how he can be having so much fun, while the rest of America was in mourning, or WHY it took him so long to lower the flags on the White House for the Marines, but Jon reminded him.. the clock is ticking:
“You don’t have that much time to take away Americans’ guns and declare martial law… if you’re going to do that, you better get started,”
Nobody Knows how he answered that, or if Obama worked out before hand for Jon to make that statement—because I don’t watch Jon Stewart. In the name of Harry Potter’s scriptwriter, he is a witless wonder..but it’s his program and if he wants to be a PR man for the President, then why should this Nobody care? Obama will just find his replacement, who will be…black. (count on it)
And speaking of programs…
Ever since the fortune 500 companies took over the world and decided that America needed to be JUST like China…people have been complaining..because it costs more to live in America than China now, since we have only 5 companies that run the country..and these five companies have run the small businesses out. America is one big strip mall.
To make us all feel better about all these monopolies running our lives, the politicians have forced the companies to pay their employees more because they know the shark population is growing by the nanoseconds: But there’s a problem with it–for instance…in Seattle where it is law, there IS a problem.
Seattle’s $15 minimum wage law is supposed to lift workers out of poverty and move them off public assistance. But there may be a hitch in the plan. Evidence is surfacing that some workers are asking their bosses for fewer hours as their wages rise – in a bid to keep overall income down so they don’t lose public subsidies for things like food, child care and rent.
Oh boy, that’s a hard decision. To work…or not to work? That IS the question. Not only is California running out of water, they will be running out of waiters to SERVE the water they don’t have.
So, does a single mom with two kids work MORE and actually pay for food? Or work less and let the government keep paying her food stamps?
That’s a question it seems the government has already figured out.
Here are the 39 companies that have directly funded Planned Parenthood.
- American Cancer Society
- American Express
- Bank of America
- Bath & Body Works
- Ben & Jerry’s
- Deutsche Bank
- Fannie Mae
- Johnson & Johnson
- La Senza
- Levi Strauss
- Liberty Mutual
- March of Dimes
- Morgan Stanley
- Susan G. Komen
- United Way
- Wells Fargo
Nobody Knows if all of these companies are run by liberals—but we can make a good guess.
I looked at all these companies…there is only two that I do business with…that will certainly change. Who needs Coke? Have you seen what it does when you mixed it with Alka-Seltzer?
You might as well swallow a shark.
And speaking of sharks…the shark fest on Donald Trump…continues, and Nobody Knows how long it will go on.
Hey everybody! Look what Donald Trump made Lindsey Graham do! Because Trump gave out his cell number after Lindsey said THIS:
On Monday evening, Graham told CNN that Trump was “becoming a jackass.”
By Tuesday, Graham was appearing on “CBS This Morning” and calling Trump “the world’s biggest jackass.” Even “the jackasses are offended” by Trump’s remarks, Graham added.
Asked whether he thinks Trump can sustain his place at the top of Republican presidential primary polls, Graham — who is also seeking the nomination — said no.
“I think the beginning of the end has come. The beginning of the end has arrived because he’s crossed a line with the American people that will not be tolerated.”
He also mentioned that Lindsey had once came to his office begging for money.
While Donald is scoring points with the America people by bringing up the obvious failures of the politicians–the politicians are fighting BACK! The Obama way! By making funny video’s so that all the young voters will think Donald Trump is a square.
But…what does smashing your cell phone have to do for the veterans?
He says at the end of the video: “This is for the veterans?” Really? Do all the veterans have money to play golf? Many of them can’t afford a cell phone.
Proving again what Donald Trump says is true: the politicians have done NOTHING–nothing to help our veterans. Lindsey Graham has done …nothing. How smashing his cell phone is going to help any veteran get anything is beyond me.
To most of us it says: Hey! Lindsey! Jackass! You lost that one…you COULD have sent all the veterans a free cell phone—.instead of making an Obama video.
Nobody Wonders at the stupidity of the GOP. I heard a conservative radio host today make fun of Donald Trump because…he will probably wear a suit and tie to the border.
Really? You’re OFFENDED that Donald Trump refuses to dress down like our basketball playing, ghetto rapping lover, put-my-feet-up-on-the-Oval-Office-desk, President?
Go on. Is that all you got?