BUT..the elite naked men ran into a group of Michael Brown protestors, who had advertised what they were going to do on Facebook, —and that caused the highly educated and elite men who will someday walk the halls of power, to have to reverse the usual direction of the run, and left some significant “heated” interactions, between the two groups.
Actually, this is one protest I find pretty funny. You would have thought more GIRLS would have showed up. What does that say?
On a historical note: This practice of running around naked in Harvard yard (usually while drunk) once got Charles Adams (John’s son) suspended.
Why do they do it?
Because they can.
NOTICE, the Harvard guys are wearing rapper NIKE tennis shoes, and the protestors are wearing really old beat up ones.
Do we care that their naked run got disrupted?
Nobody Gets Email:
Since the police seem to be on everybody’s news reports, how about a few cop jokes to start the weekend? (NOTE: I did NOT check this on Snopes, because it’s a JOKE.)
(Thanks to Kris)
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE– WHEN YOU’RE OLD, AND DON’T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He said “No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available”.
George said, “Okay.” He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now,” and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”
George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”
Don’t mess with old people
So what you might say?
Well, rich people who HAVE millions in stock just got richer, and so, you may ask, why are private investors like Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos of Amazon investing in SPACE projects, when they are already very rich men?
AMAZON CEO: ‘I Want To See Millions Of People Living And Working In Space’
Bezos’ private spaceflight company Blue Origin is currently working with the United Launch Alliance to build a new liquid rocket engine called the BE-4. The United Launch Alliance is said to be one of the biggest rivals to Musk’s commercial spaceflight company SpaceX.
The vehicle Bezos’ company is working on uses a modern booster engine, which is said to be more efficient than those made 20-30 years ago, reports The Washington Post. Bezos also said the vehicle is autonomous, so there’s no need to send test pilots when they’re running trials with it.
Do these men really want to be the future inventors and explorers of the universe?
I’m sure…it will look wonderful in the history books if they can pull it off, not to mention, it will look even MORE fabulous in their stock portfolios’.
And besides….one day, if they make it cheap enough, they can just transfer all the little nobodies out into space and save the planet for themselves.
It’s a noble cause.
Nobody Gets Email
Anybody who has ever owned a dog, will get a big kick out of this one…
(Thanks to JR)
Unbaked Yeast Rolls
We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent. Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me. Lest you think this is a bad case of ‘no discipline,’ I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit, including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress. Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.
I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.
I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours. Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour.
The rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock, one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated. I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be okay; however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night. God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick.
Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night. We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing, put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking, his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction. He couldn’t lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn’t stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon.
I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours, and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol. Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister’s house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.
My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off. Now I know you probably don’t believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that’s not the worst of it. Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen’s, thankful she didn’t live any further away than she did.
Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister’s garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper’s latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, ‘what goes in must come out’ and Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog’s digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen’s house.
Having discovered his ‘packages’ on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with a shovel.
I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn’t degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too. Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry’s sister’s house.
I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I’m doing research on the computer as to: ‘How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.’
And how was your day?
It seems fitting that Presidents have to “pardon” turkeys before Thanksgiving. (Most of them having been turkeys themselves.) So, I thought we’d compare the style of a few of them:
Nobody Gets Email:
The world is crazy, and I’m sleeping in today…so it’s important that we keep our sense of humor, right? Right.
Some of these sayings could go into Nobody Wonders.
My favorite was the one about evolution. Such fun. What’s your favorite?
(Thanks to Kris)
. DON’T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON’T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, ‘WHERE’S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?’ SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO ‘GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?’
. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
. IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW SIGNS?
. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE AN ‘S’ IN IT?
. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM?
. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME
Nobody Get Email:
One of the subjects that I share with my liberal friend, is our love of animals…and so, I got these from him last week.
These pictures are just fabulous….I just thought I’d share them, and I imagined, what the animals may be saying….
Nobody Gets Email
Attached to this email, JR (my liberal friend) said this was a VERY old email.
It’s still pretty funny!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, that chicken was gay. If you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’ That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of Chicken 2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: What? Did I miss one?
Nobody Gets Email
Here’s a cute joke of the day, with a little Bible Twist:
(Thanks to Kris)
“Left” and “Right” ….. A Bible study. Remember what Jesus said: ‘Goats on the left, sheep on the right’ (Matthew 25:33).
Jesus also told Peter that if he wanted to catch fish do it from the right side of the boat. They did and filled the boat with fish. John 21:6 (NIV) …
He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.
By chance I stumbled upon this verse in the Bible: Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV) – “The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left.” Thus sayeth the Lord. Amen.
It surely can’t get any simpler than that. Spelling Lesson :
The last four letters in American………. I Can
The last four letters in Republican…….. I Can
The last four letters in Democrats……… Rats
End of lesson ! ….Test to follow on November 6, 2014. Remember, November 2014 is to be set aside as rodent removal month.
Please share this Bible Lesson with all your friends and email buddies to help achieve that goal.
Nobody Gets Email
A new twist on an old joke:
(Thanks to JR)
While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. “Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator.
“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher-ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”
“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.” And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, “Now it’s time to visit heaven…”
So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. “Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell… Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders. “I don’t understand,” stammers the Senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”
The devil smiles at him and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning. Today, you voted..”
Think carefully and vote wisely next month!
New polls show that women, are feeling very unprotected by Daddy Obama State. Obama, doesn’t seem to care about the threats from ISIS, or Ebola, or the electrical grid going down from a Sun flare, but we had proof today, that..he DOES care.
Homeland security is protecting us from…unlicensed underwear.
A lingerie shop owner in Kansas City says her store was raided by Homeland Security agents Monday morning over a few dozen pair of panties she made in honor of her hometown baseball team.
Peregrine Honig, owner of Honig’s Birdies Panties shop in Crossroads, said she designed the Lucky Royals boyshorts that were set to go on sale Tuesday. They told me they were from Homeland Security and we were violating copyright laws.”
While she was NOT jailed for the offence, I for one, feel so much safer knowing that Obama is making sure that the Kansas City Royals get their full share of profits from only licensed multinational companies, and those 7 pairs of home designed underwear do not get ANYWHERE near the underwear bomber.
Nobody Wonders who is running Homeland Security? MLB?
Nobody Gets Email–
And SPEAKING of the meaning of words—–here’s an email which takes a simple word to the full extent of its meaning…
(Thanks to Kris)
Here are six conundrums of socialism in the United States of America:
- America is capitalist and greedy – yet half of the population is subsidized.
Half of the population is subsidized – yet they think they are victims.
They think they are victims – yet their representatives run the government.
Their representatives run the government – yet the poor keep getting poorer.
The poor keep getting poorer – yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about.
They have things that people in other countries only dream about – yet they want America to be more like those other countries.
Think about it!
That, my friends, pretty much sums up the USA in the 21st century.
Makes you wonder who is doing the math.
These three, short sentences tell you a lot about the
direction of our current government and cultural environment:
We are advised to NOT judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but we are encouraged to judge ALL gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics.
Funny how that works.
And here’s another one worth considering…
Seems we constantly hear about how Social Security is going to run out of money. How come we never hear about welfare or food stamps running out of money? What’s interesting is the first group “worked for” their money, but the second didn’t. Think about it…..and last but not least,
Why are we cutting benefits for our veterans, no pay raises for our military and cutting our army to a level lower than before WWII, but we are not stopping the payments or benefits to illegal aliens?
Am I the only one missing something?
Last night I had a terrific cold, along with aches and pains, and as I sat down to write, my computer mal-functioned.
To which I said, “%#@&” it.
Be rest assured that the Nobody Knows column next week, at this time, will be much more entertaining.
Nobody Gets Email
Not awake yet? Then don’t miss this…One-of-a-kind, rather incredibe version of the Star Spangled Banner….then applaud! (LOL)
(Thanks to Conservative)