Nobody Gets Email
He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
This week, we have two clear examples of people who simply can’t control themselves:
Bob Beckel VS Michael Suh and Nicole Germack
Let’s start with Bob.
According to the mainstream media, and a few nutty liberal politicians, Bob should be fired for “racial” slurs.
He got pretty mad on THE FIVE (FOX’s TV SHOW) about Chinese people, and just blurted out this:
“The Chinese are the single biggest threat to the national security of the U.S.,” he said. “They have been, they will be and they can wait, they’re very patient. Do you know what we just did? As usual, we bring them over here and we teach a bunch of Chinamen — er, Chinese people — how to do computers and then they go back to China and hack into us.”
And Bob did NOT stop there! Listen to the rest of the tape to hear the rest. Why— Bob even accuses the Chinese of making cheap toys and poisoning our pets!
Even if it IS true, was that any reason for him to offend the Chinese like that? I…am…shocked.
Actually, the Chinese also like to garden at night, and keep their American neighbors awake. Tonight I saw my Chinese neighbor outside down on his knees planting SOMETHING in his back yard…with his porch light on.
“Why do you think he’s PLANTING at night?” I asked my husband, as we continued to walk the dogs.
“Maybe that’s his wife’s body.”
They also do all their cooking in the garage, and they smell up the neighborhood with soy sauce.
I am SO glad that Bob didn’t mention those racists things because Bob just starting dating a new girl. No, it’s not the first time Bob Beckel has just not been able to keep his opinions to himself. He once called white people…”Crackers.”
And then we have Michael Suh and Nicole Germack of Newark. It seems, they wanted to have sex on the roof. They JUST couldn’t control themselves.
The officer told the couple to stop, but police say they continued for approximately 15-20 seconds before stopping. Both are facing charges of Resisting Arrest, Lewdness, Indecent Exposure, Loitering and Conspiracy.
Thinking back on all the strange places that I have felt the uncontrollable urge, I’m feel lucky to be sitting here and typing this fine work of literary magnificent for you fine people. I’m so glad I got myself under control, and not a minute too late it seems.
So..who wins the Nobody’s Perfect award for the week?
This is a hard one. On the one hand, what Bob said, most people would consider just an ‘opinion’ not racist. And an opinion based on facts. If that was a racist comment, than Harry Reid’s attacks on the Koch brothers should be considered racist. Harry Reid should be fired then too.
Bob has every right to express his opinion, by the Constitution. if we have to listen to Harry Reid, than Bob has every right to say he doesn’t like the Chinese.
On the other hand…WHY were people looking UP to a roof to watch a couple having sex?
Maybe Michael’s apartment was hot. MAYBE they thought no one could see them up there.
Maybe…these really ARE Rome’s last days.
Maybe that’s why Michael Suh (Who is Chinese) was having sex with Nicole on the roof.
Maybe he was hacking into her computer.
Hey, it’s a dangerous world out there and I say the Nobody’s Fool Award goes to—-
California state Sen. Ted Lieu (D) who called Beckel’s comments “racist”
“We should all be alarmed by the racist, xenophobic comments by Fox News host Bob Beckel,” said Lieu. “His comments have no place in America, and this is at least the second time he has used racial slurs. He must resign immediately.”
Congratulations Sen. Ted Lieu! You win the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week for being such a moron.
And since I’m calling a Chinese guy a moron, I must be racist.
Move your cracker butt over Bob, give me some room.
Nobody Flashes Email:
Are you still trying to sober up after last night? Well DON’T!
We all woke up this morning and realized—OBAMA IS STILL PRESIDENT!!! Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
So, grab those old beer bottles lying around the house and learn a new trick..to help you forget.
Or just watch this.
(Thanks to J.R.)
It’s bad enough that the Obama’s can’t control themselves when it comes to pies, notice, they have fired the top pastry chefs in the White House, because of their own lack of control, and in the usual Obama way, they BLAME the poor chefs for being such GREAT pie makers. Under the Obama administration: Excellence is punished.
AND, as if that wasn’t bad enough, Obama had to show off his fine taste in crack:
“I don’t know what he does—whether he puts crack in them.” But the president continued he had to adopt a no weekday pie rule.
Wow. Obama really knows how to respect the office he holds, doesn’t he?
Away from the teleprompter, Obama shows his true low-class self: Of course, what can you expect from a former drug dealer and drug addict? Some say he was doing crack with Reggie during the Benghazi raid, and hey–why not? He sure has crack on his mind.
Off teleprompter, Obama speaks like a low-level drug addict off the streets. What did he say to the Republicans if they don’t like what he’s doing?
The ‘hope’ for a better man in the White House, is going out with the crack pies.
Wow! Alert! When I read that 83 percent of the ‘children’ coming over the border were NOT small children, like all the pictures are showing us…but MEN, I didn’t believe it. Homeland security is requesting immediate help.
Thanks to The Drudge Report, we have proof that the men want underwear:
The DHS Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) requires the following items, Purchase Description Determined by Line Item, to the following:
LI 001: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: Medium Per Dozen, 600, DZ;
LI 002: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: Large Per Dozen, 600, DZ;
LI 003: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: X-Large Per Dozen, 600, DZ;
LI 004: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 2X-Large Per Dozen, 400, DZ;
LI 005: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 3X-Large Per Dozen, 400, DZ;
LI 006: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 4X-Large Per Dozen, 400, DZ;
LI 007: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 5X-Large Per Dozen, 300, DZ;
LI 008: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 6X-Large Per Dozen, 200, DZ;
Nobody Knows why these men need underwear if they have jeans, but I really don’t want to know why. Mamma always told you to pack an extra pair. Evidently the crisis in South America comes with mothers not teaching their children how to dress.
Glenn Beck today was BEGGING for us to send money to help those poor “children” on the border, so I plan to do my part.
Trey Gowdy has really funny dreams.
Liberals have repeated the morning democratic talking points so often, this man decided to put them all in a video.
Dan Joseph wins the Nobody’s Fool Award for the week, for putting the nonsense in humorous perspective.
It must be nice to be born into the Clinton kingdom, because there is NOBODY else on this planet that would get a first time salary of $600,000 a year. That’s more than a President makes.
But Chelsea Clinton, is making that from MSNBC:
Clinton’s 14 past appearances identified by Business Insider included news segments where she interviewed the Geico gecko and feel-good “Making a Difference” pieces like one on foster grandparents and another on a program to provide therapy dogs to soldiers. She was also interviewed by other NBC reporters about her charity work and role in President Barack Obama’s inauguration. In total, Clinton’s segments from the past 2 years and seven months lasted just shy of 58 minutes.
This means, based on our analysis, Clinton earned $26,724 per minute she was on air. That amounts to $445 per second. In other words, it’s good to be a former (and potential future) First Kid.
This Nobody Wonders: Did MSNBC get its’ money’s worth? (Maybe Hillary should just give up and let Chelsea run.)
Let’s start this fine Sunday morning with a bit of humor shall we? Mark Dice always makes me laugh.
—-Although, as we see here, there is an ignorance from the young that might make you glad you are not going to be around in 50 years. ( And if you are young…?)
Obama was caught exercising…in his five-star Marriott Hotel in Poland. Everyone says that these pictures were unauthorized, but noticed how well placed the poster behind Obama, with the picture of the American flag and the female soldier is positioned behind him. It’s his theme for the week: Obama LOVES the soldiers.
Come on. The Secret Service searched every single inch of that room before he did this. Any hidden camera would have been stripped out. I know this, because I’ve seen them in action, they look under EVERYTHING. And notice…whose on that TV? Can you say…photo op?
Nobody also wonders, why he kept that long-sleeved outfit on. Really Mr. President? You don’t want Putin to see those gigantic biceps?
Somebody took a survey of what each state Google’s the most. My state likes to go to the Family Circus. Texas has a lot of sex. California should be more worried about fires, than meat, but that shows you the IQ of the state. Las Vegas–tattoo removal…I can see that. Rhode Island: Beer Pong? (It must have been a really hard winter.) They are still searching for God in Alabama, And Alaska, still is short of women. Elvis is alive in Tennessee…
So, what does YOUR state Google?
This week, we have two women that are suffering from bad ideas.
First up: Eleanor Cliff. Not since Bill Clinton used the less than perfect idea to say that ‘sex’ and having ‘sex’ depended on what your interpretation of “is” is, have we heard such a confusing and nebulous explanation for ‘murder.” Yes, Eleanore has said that ambassador Stevens was killed by smoke! That he was not murdered. So, by Eleanore’s definition, if somebody set fire to your house, and you died, they did NOT murder you..the smoke did!
Protecting Obama, is getting harder each day. I though her answer was so good, I’ll be surprised if Hillary doesn’t make Eleanore her press secretary in 2016.
And then we have Obama’s favorite family to hang out with: Jay-Z, Beyoncé, and her sister, Solange, who attacks Jay-Z like a mad women in an elevator. Nobody Knows why she was so mad, but I’d say he’s guilty. Everybody was saying how Jay-Z was such a gentlemen by not hitting her back, but how many of us have a 355 pound body guard to protect us?
So, two women obviously forgetting their morning metal floss last week. Who wins?
Eleanor wins. Solange biggest crime is hanging out with her sister and his husband, and forgetting that the NSA has camera’s EVERYWHERE.
Eleanor should know better. That was just about the stupidest thing ever said since Obama said, “You can KEEP your doctor!”
Congratulations Ms. Cliff! You win the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week.
Now, put down that joint…you said it yourself—the smoke will kill ya.
I was browsing the internet when I saw this video.
Watch this young black republican school this typical democrat who—– when he can’t win the argument, leaves.
She does a good job at destroying his message.
This morning I was reading about dogs…how they understand how to read human communications, even better than chimps. For instance, every day, when I go outside to work in the yard, all I have to do is go into the bathroom, and tie my hair back…and my two dogs go absolutely nuts. They jump up and down, bark, yelp,—- you would think it was the last inning of the world series and I had just hit the winning run in. They know they will get to go out too.
Just by me simply putting a rubber band around my hair.
And here’s what even more fantastic…I can go into the bathroom, and CLOSE THE DOOR, and they STILL know I’m putting my hair back.
When it comes to food, Zippy comes and scratches my leg. Or stares at me. And if I ignore her…she barks. I am like her private IPAD. I am at her command.
Zippy is an excellent communicator so that’s why I’m baffled about last night.
Why didn’t Zippy TELL us that the kitchen was on fire?
Let me set this up.
It was around 10.30 at night, and my husband had put on his CPAC machine, and rolled over to sleep…I still had the TV on, and I was getting ready to go into my office to write, and I heard a funny popping sound.
Now, Zippy was ON the floor, staring into the kitchen, literally watching a blanket that I had on my bird’s cage…go up in six-foot flames. She just sat there…
“Hey, your machine is making a funny noise” I told my husband.
And then for no particular reason, I decided to go into the kitchen for some water…that’s when I saw flames, reaching up to the ceiling…a lamp that was turned off, had touched the blanket on the bird-cage and instantly, that blanket had flared into flames. The metal bird-cage was on fire, and my three parakeets were of course, at the other end of the cage…fighting for their lives.
Zippy, just sat there…smiling…calming watching until I yelled.
FIRE! FIRE!, FIRE! FIRE!
My husband jumped out of bed, and took two blankets and somehow miraculously smothered the fire out, although it took him some time. If the curtains which were near the flame had caught on fire, we would have not have been able to stop the room from going up.
He got second degree burns, and big blisters on his fingers from the flames.
Smoke was everywhere, and since we had two blankets that had caught on fire, we had thrown one on the kitchen floor. It was no longer in flames. (or so we thought.)
We left it there. (Bad idea)
I went to caring for the birds. Flames had even fallen to the bottom of the cage. Half of the white bird-cage was black. The lamp plastic had melted on to the rug on the floor, and my kitchen chairs which were nearby, were damaged from the fire. Flames had fallen all over the floor.
While I was trying to calm the birds (By the grace of god they only got soot on them) the blanket we had left on the floor was STILL on fire.
“Hey ! This blanket is still smoking!” I yelled, to my husband who of course, was in extreme pain with his hand in a pan of water.
When we lifted it up, a big hole had burnt through the kitchen rug. We threw it in the sink, which is what we should have done in the first place.
So, here’s the moral to the story: If I had NOT had gone into the kitchen when I did, the house could have very well burnt down, no thanks to the dog who did NOT save his masters from the fire.
I read these stories all the time….
Dog saved baby from fire.
Dog went back into the house to save kids.
Dog WARNED the people in the house that it was on fire.
You read them too.
Zippy did not move until I yelled FIRE!
Then she ran…and hide in the front room. So much for the “Zippy saved our lives” story in Readers Digest, which I CERTAINLY would have written.
Tonight my birds, won’t go over to their side of the cage. They REMEMBER what happened last night, and how they were almost fried.
Zippy the great communicator, acts like it just another day. She doesn’t remember a thing.
But I can’t blame this on Zippy.
It was my fault for thinking that JUST because a lamp is off, doesn’t mean it’s not still hot. The simple truth is, I was just tired and not thinking when I put the cover on the cage.
As for Zippy, she saves my life every day with her joyful happiness at the simple sight of me putting my hair back. Or going for a ride, or a walk, or just eating her bone.
I guess I’ll forgive her this time. But, we DO have to work on our communication.