Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

What if?

Nobody WondersPuzzle dog

I have wondered, and it is beyond my comprehension, that certain groups of people stay mad and angry at things that happened, not only long ago, but so long ago, it seems pointless to muse, get yourself emotionally upset and bent out of shape for something that’s already happened.

Also, these people continue to want “payback’ for something that nobody in this lifetime even cares anymore about.

IF—- our founders had outlawed slavery, would our world be any different today? Maybe, but no doubt there would be other problems instead. One thing for sure, more blacks would know how to swim.

IF— Britain had won the war of 1812, would the United States be better led by the Queen? She’d be more likable,  but then again, England would be Germany. And airplanes might never have been invented. OR light bulbs. OR computers…but tea at three? We’d all have better manners.

Having pondered this: I have to give a good laugh at the British diplomats in Washington, who celebrated the burning of the White House with typical good humor…

British diplomats in Washington are apologizing for Twitter posts that made light of the 200th anniversary of their troops torching the White House in the War of 1812.

The apologies were prompted after the British Embassy posted a picture Sunday of Patrick Davis, deputy British ambassador to the United States, with a caption saying he was participating in “the anniversary of burning of the White House with a BBQ.”

 The picture was followed by another, about an hour later, that showed a White House replica atop a sheet cake, flanked by sparklers. The caption said: “Commemorating the 200th anniversary of burning the White House. Only sparklers this time!”
Brits celebrate
They apologized— of course. (Losers! ) LOL.
 (Take it away amfortas!)  

August 27, 2014 Posted by | American History, humor, Uncategorized | , | 3 Comments

Nobody’s Email: Wing Suiter Meets His Maker

Nobody Gets Email

Boy! Am I glad it’s the weekend! I’m also glad some of my email friends know what makes me laugh.

Enjoy!

(Thanks to J.R.)

August 23, 2014 Posted by | humor | | 1 Comment

Nobody’s Thoughts on Lincoln’s Home

Nobody Flashes

Just a short report on my visit to the Lincoln Presidential Museum in Springfield, IL.

Lincoln's Bed

Lincoln’s Bed

The local maps…are a joke. They have all the sights and only a few main streets, and we got lost about 40 times. Ask directions.

We kept hearing that Lincoln was a poor man: Nevertheless, he managed to own a house which by all accounts, would be considered upper middle class in 2014.

It contains the ugliest wall paper this side of the Atlantic.

Lincoln was the best dad a kid could have, the kids could play baseball in the living room.

He liked to torture himself. For instance, this was the desk in his bedroom. My only conclusion is he took off his legs to sit down.

WHY the local citizens decided to build the rest of his neighborhood is beyond all reason. Go to Main Street in Disneyland, it’s much more entertaining.

Not even George Washington has had more books written about him.

Abe's Desk

Abe’s Desk

Do NOT…I repeat, DO NOT, wear any symbol of the American flag on your person or you will be followed around the city by big, burly, men packing weapons and looking mean.

The Capitol building where the representatives of Illinois come together has more marble than probably the Vatican. Of course, nobody was there, leaving the billions of dollars worth of marble, looking very lonely.

Capitol

Capitol

The Governor’s mansion has lots of democratic parties. (For the looters in Ferguson) let me inform you that the chandeliers alone are worth, about as much as the Mona Liza. They will also tell you that this mansion is the biggest in the nation. right. sure.

The best part of the visit was the museum itself. Disney helped and so, you could see Mary’s various dresses, and a room of political cartoons that made you sick because they made it into a fun house, and five politicians in 3D holograms yelling at you about how Lincoln was a black lover, or put it more succinctly, it was like having Al Sharpton and Harry Reid on each side of your head, yelling at you in Chinese. VERY effective to make you want to GET OUT of the museum.

We didn’t go see Spielberg’s props, as they wanted more money.

In the Library, they have given a cast of Lincoln’s hand to a few very famous people: Bill Clinton, Steven Spielberg, and The Pope. By the way….Lincoln had VERY tiny hands. Big feet, and evidently, a blond girlfriend.

Lincoln's Family

Lincoln’s Family

At the end of the day, because it was rush hour, we finally made it to his tomb, which is HUGE! But, don’t make the mistake that it’s just a grave. You can go into it, and walk for what seems miles, into an endless underground maze of….MORE marble, and then you come upon his big marble coffin. His family is on the other side.

So, what did I learn? If our government spent even a ‘smidgen’ of the taxpayer’s money they put into building themselves monuments and Presidential libraries, and instead, spend it on the people, we would not own China one penny.

Italy is going to sink from lack of marble.

Besides all of that, I had a great day!

PS. My husband would like to add: “What was a Muslim, doing at the tomb?”

Answer: Looking for her emancipator.

Abe's Tomb

Abe’s Tomb

August 18, 2014 Posted by | History, humor | , | 3 Comments

Nobody’s Email: Abbott and Costello VS Computers

Nobody Gets Email

If you have ever seen the famous skit “Who’s on First” by Abbott and Costello, you’ll find this, a I did, a very clever remake.

Enjoy! (Thanks to J.R. )

Lou Buys A Computer

Abbott and Costello

 

 

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this.  

For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on.

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, ‘Who’s on First?’ might have turned out something like this:

      COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.  

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?  

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

 

COSTELLO: What word?ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?  

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘W’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?  

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. At no extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money? 

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT !  (A few days later) 

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on ‘START.’

 

 

 

> >

August 9, 2014 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

“Apparently” You Either Have Talent, or You Don’t…And Noah Does.

Nobody Reports

Once in a blue moon, a nobody kid makes it to the big time. If you haven’t seen this kid already, no doubt you will see more of him.

He’s money in the bank…”Apparently” will become the new buzz word.

“Apparently” Obama knew you couldn’t keep your doctor.

“Apparently” Obama knew about the crisis on the border.

“Apparently” precocious Noah Ritter can pick his own TV show.

And it’s a great way to end the day.

Enjoy!

August 5, 2014 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Perfect: Barry VS Damon

Nobody’s Perfect

This week, I wanted to let loose on Geraldo. The selfie junkie was attacking The Drudge Report for saying negative things about ‘his’ people:Geraldo

Geraldo Rivera has denounced the Drudge Report for carrying news stories that show some of the negative consequences and dangers from allowing vast numbers of youngsters to enter the country illegally and be spread across the country by the Obama administration.

Okay. Geraldo is like the blind prostitute. You really have to hand it to him.

How can he attack Drudge? Really? Whose side is he on? Where else can you get so much information in one place? If not for the Drudge Report, I couldn’t have found my two losers for today! (Thanks Matt)

So, let’s get started:

Today’s contestants: Marion Barry VS Arwa Damon.

Only in the city as corrupt as Washington D.C. could a mayor who went to prison for smoking crack get reelected. Yes, the good Marion was brought back into the Mayor’s office by popular demand.Marion Barry

And it seems, he took another wrong turn:

Councilman Marion Barry, the former mayor of D.C., was spotted driving the wrong way down Pennsylvania Avenue before colliding with another car, MyFoxDC reported.

The cause of the crash was being investigated. Police said Mr. Barry was cited for driving on the wrong side of the road, expired tags and not having insurance.

Of course, when you’ve been a democrat as long as Mr. Barry, you have to expect a wrong turn every couple of hours. No doubt he just took a wrong turn trying to find the White House.

And then we have Arwa Damon, a reporter for CNN:Arwas Damon

A​rwa Damon, described by the cable network as a senior international correspondent, was intoxicated and abusive to a medical team stationed on the grounds of the embassy, where Damon did not have authority to be, ​according to the $2 million lawsuit​ filed in Manhattan on Monday​.

CNN ​is being sued by two EMTs who say a foreign ​correspondent ​for the cable news network ​bit them​ ​in a drunken rage outside the US Embassy​ in Baghdad​.

Wow! Sounds like something Geraldo would to.

Nobody Wonders if MS. Damon was having trouble finding another feminist in Baghdad? Really, I’d get drunk too if I felt like I was not being respected by the men in Baghdad, and being told that should cover up my body.

Okay, so I wouldn’t. Baghdad is not on my ‘need to visit’ bucket list.

Still the real question here is WHERE did she bite these EMTs? Since Geraldo wasn’t there to report, we might never know.

So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?Geraldo one

Guess.

August 4, 2014 Posted by | humor, politics, Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Email: If not for Muslims, we’d still be hearing Polish Jokes

Nobody Gets Email:

(Thanks to my liberal friend J.R., who loves to send them to me. )
A suicide bomber died and went to heaven, as foretold. When he arrived there, he met Allah, and he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his virgins, as promised.  Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven.creepy

Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, “Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because assholes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you’re here to service them. Since they’re virgins, they’re quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you’ll be on constant, exhausting duty. And I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail!”

The bomber responded, “Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it  be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?”

And Allah replied, “Who said they were women” ?

August 2, 2014 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | 2 Comments

Call the Producer: PLEASE put Sharknado 3 in Washington D.C.!

Nobody Wins

Nobody has a dream…it’s a silly dream, a fun dream…tell me what you think:

They destroyed Los Angeles…

They attacked New York….

Now it’s time for all good people in the country to rise up, and DEMAND

Sharknado Three to destroy Washington, D. C.!

If you didn’t watch Sharknado Two tonight, I’m not sure you’re really in America. There was enough bad New Jersey jokes to put every New Yorker in happy camp. The jokes were bad, the cabby was repetitive, the hero ran around a lot, the acting was terrible, the kids were wimps,…and the sharks were wonderful.

Nothing is funnier than a giant shark falling out of the sky.

But, it wasn’t enough: I want to see the next shark storm…attack the Capitol.

Think of it: Nancy Pelosi gets her head bit off by a great white. That alone might be worth the whole movie.

John McCain, could be flattened by a hammerhead. Hillary could be torn in half while saying, “What difference does it make?”

We could watch the politicians running out of the Capitol, screaming for their lives, sharks falling from the sky, biting off noses, and arms and legs…Harry Reid could be swallowed whole by a shark with a Koch Brothers logo on his side.

The generals in the Pentagon could be attacked while running wild under a storm of sharks in the National Cemetery.

The biggest White Shark of all time, could fall on Air Force One, chopping at the President while he is screaming, “I’m just doing my job!”shark

I’m ready.

Come on, admit it. Think of the tension it would relieve all over the country to have a good laugh at all the politicians who torture us every day, to see them running scared from Sharks?

OBVIOUSLY, it’s the next best idea for the continuation.

I’d even PAY to see it, wouldn’t you?

Keep it in mind: Sharknado Three: Washington D.C. Coming soon to your TV.

It’s the ONLY logical choice.

 

 

July 30, 2014 Posted by | American History, humor, Uncategorized | , | 2 Comments

Nobody’s Email: Homesick for Chicago?

Nobody Get Email

This is short but sweet! (Thanks to Kris)
Homesick Snowbird
 
I was in Palm Springs the other day and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
“I miss Chicago.”
So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker
and left a note that read, “I hope this helps!”

July 26, 2014 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | 2 Comments

Nobody’s Email: Woman Shot in Her Own Driveway

Nobody Gets Email

It’s about time we have some laughs in our lives, don’t you think? Obama jokes are going around, so this weekend, I think I’ll post a few.Monkey three
ENJOY!
(Thanks to Kris)
Woman Shot in her own Driveway
 
Linda Burnett, 26, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. 
Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.

Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.
 
The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush’s fault…..
(rimshot)
 
 



                                    
 




July 18, 2014 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | 3 Comments

Nobody’s Perfect: Bob Beckel VS Michael Suh & Nicole Germack

Nobody’s Perfect

This week, we have two clear examples of people who simply can’t control themselves:

Bob Beckel VS Michael Suh and Nicole Germack

Let’s start with Bob.

According to the mainstream media, and a few nutty liberal politicians, Bob should be fired for “racial” slurs.

He got pretty mad on THE FIVE (FOX’s TV SHOW) about Chinese people, and just blurted out this:

“The Chinese are the single biggest threat to the national security of the U.S.,” he said. “They have been, they will be and they can wait, they’re very patient. Do you know what we just did? As usual, we bring them over here and we teach a bunch of Chinamen — er, Chinese people — how to do computers and then they go back to China and hack into us.”

And Bob did NOT stop there! Listen to the rest of the tape to hear the rest. Why— Bob even accuses the Chinese of making cheap toys and poisoning our pets!

 

Even if it IS true, was that any reason for him to offend the Chinese like that? I…am…shocked.

Actually, the Chinese also like to garden at night, and keep their American neighbors awake. Tonight I saw my Chinese neighbor outside down on his knees planting SOMETHING in his back yard…with his porch light on.

“Why do you think he’s PLANTING at night?” I asked my husband, as we continued to walk the dogs.

“Maybe that’s his wife’s body.”

They also do all their cooking in the garage, and they smell up the neighborhood with soy sauce.

I am SO glad that Bob didn’t mention those racists things because Bob just starting dating a new girl. No, it’s not the first time Bob Beckel has just not been able to keep his opinions to himself. He once called white people…”Crackers.”

And then we have Michael Suh and Nicole Germack of Newark. It seems, they wanted to have sex on the roof. They JUST couldn’t control themselves.

The officer told the couple to stop, but police say they continued for approximately 15-20 seconds before stopping. Both are facing charges of Resisting Arrest, Lewdness, Indecent Exposure, Loitering and Conspiracy.

Thinking back on all the strange places that I have felt the uncontrollable urge, I’m feel lucky to be sitting here and typing this fine work of literary magnificent for you fine people. I’m so glad I got myself under control, and not a minute too late it seems.

So..who wins the Nobody’s Perfect award for the week?

This is a hard one. On the one hand, what Bob said, most people would consider just an ‘opinion’ not racist. And an opinion based on facts. If that was a racist comment, than Harry Reid’s attacks on the Koch brothers should be considered racist. Harry Reid should be fired then too.

Bob has every right to express his opinion, by the Constitution. if we have to listen to Harry Reid, than Bob has every right to say he doesn’t like the Chinese.

On the other hand…WHY were people looking UP to a roof to watch a couple having sex?

Maybe Michael’s apartment was hot. MAYBE they thought no one could see them up there.

Maybe…these really ARE Rome’s last days.

Maybe that’s why Michael Suh (Who is Chinese) was having sex with Nicole on the roof.

Maybe he was hacking into her computer.

Hey, it’s a dangerous world out there and I say the Nobody’s Fool Award goes to—-

California state Sen. Ted Lieu (D) who called Beckel’s comments “racist”

“We should all be alarmed by the racist, xenophobic comments by Fox News host Bob Beckel,” said Lieu. “His comments have no place in America, and this is at least the second time he has used racial slurs. He must resign immediately.”

Congratulations Sen. Ted Lieu! You win the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week for being such a moron.

And since I’m calling a Chinese guy a moron, I must be racist.

Move your cracker butt over Bob, give me some room.

 

July 15, 2014 Posted by | American Culture, Free Speech, humor, Uncategorized | , , | 7 Comments

Nobody’s Email: Beer Bottle Billie Jean

Nobody Flashes Email:

Are you still trying to sober up after last night? Well DON’T!

We all woke up this morning and realized—OBAMA IS STILL PRESIDENT!!! Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

So, grab those old beer bottles lying around the house and learn a new trick..to help you forget.

Or just watch this.

Enjoy!

(Thanks to J.R.)

July 5, 2014 Posted by | humor | | 1 Comment

Obama—Sure Knows His Crack

Nobody Reports

It’s bad enough that the Obama’s can’t control themselves when it comes to pies, notice, they have fired the top pastry chefs in the White House, because of their own lack of control, and in the usual Obama way, they BLAME the poor chefs for being such GREAT pie makers. Under the Obama administration: Excellence is punished.

AND, as if that wasn’t bad enough, Obama had to show off his fine taste in crack:

“I don’t know what he does—whether he puts crack in them.” But the president continued he had to adopt a no weekday pie rule.

Wow. Obama really knows how to respect the office he holds, doesn’t he?

Away from the teleprompter, Obama shows his true low-class self: Of course, what can you expect from a former drug dealer and drug addict? Some say he was doing crack with Reggie during the Benghazi raid, and hey–why not? He sure has crack on his mind.

Off teleprompter, Obama speaks like a low-level drug addict off the streets. What did he say to the Republicans if they don’t like what he’s doing?

“Sue me.”

The ‘hope’ for a better man in the White House, is going out with the crack pies.

 

 

July 1, 2014 Posted by | humor, Obama, Uncategorized | , | 2 Comments

Alert! Underwear Crisis!

Nobody Reports

Wow! Alert! When I read that 83 percent of the ‘children’ coming over the border were NOT small children, like all the pictures are showing us…but MEN, I didn’t believe it. Homeland security is requesting immediate help. mens' underwear

Thanks to The Drudge Report, we have proof that the men want underwear:

 The DHS Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) requires the following items, Purchase Description Determined by Line Item, to the following: 

LI 001: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: Medium Per Dozen, 600, DZ; 

LI 002: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: Large Per Dozen, 600, DZ; 

LI 003: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: X-Large Per Dozen, 600, DZ; 

LI 004: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 2X-Large Per Dozen, 400, DZ; 

LI 005: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 3X-Large Per Dozen, 400, DZ; 

LI 006: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 4X-Large Per Dozen, 400, DZ; 

LI 007: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 5X-Large Per Dozen, 300, DZ; 

LI 008: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 6X-Large Per Dozen, 200, DZ; 

 

Nobody Knows why these men need underwear if they have jeans, but I really don’t want to know why. Mamma always told you to pack an extra pair. Evidently the crisis in South America comes with mothers not teaching their children how to dress.

Glenn Beck today was BEGGING for us to send money to help those poor “children” on the border, so I plan to do my part.

I’m sending these: men's underwear 2

 

June 24, 2014 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

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