This week we have the Miami Dolphins VS Crystal Greer Brooks.
Let’s start with the Dolphins. Remember in high school when the freshmen were harassed by the seniors? Well, that fine tradition has been fine tune to a very lucrative extortion business in the Miami Dolphins.
Young Dolphins players are under pressure to dig deep into their pockets to pay for veterans’ social outings, a practice that is straining their finances and locker room chemistry, according to a source with direct knowledge of the situation. These allegations come on the heels of an ESPN report Sunday morning that Incognito pressured Martin into paying $15,000 for an unofficial team vacation to Las Vegas — a trip that Martin, an offensive tackle, didn’t even join.
One young defensive player, whose privacy the Miami Herald is protecting, is on his way to going broke because he has been unable to say no to the older players, a source said.
“Everything tastes better when rookies pay for it,” veteran defensive end Jared Odrick wrote on Twitter over the weekend. “Yes, the bill would make you sick.”
How nice it that? The younger players are making about $400,000 a year, but they are told to fork up $30,000 for the team dinner. Sometimes the veterans let them split the bill.
The source characterized Dolphins veterans using younger players as ATMs to finance their nightlife whims. These older players have been caught up in the fast-paced Miami lifestyle without the burden of having to pay for it, the source continued.
Gee…sound like anyone you know? (I’ll get to that in a minute.)
And then we have Crystal Greer Brooks, who ran over her boyfriend with his truck three times, all because he didn’t want to go to McDonald’s.
To which a nobody commented: “Three fractured McRibs and a punctured McLung?”
Hey, I’m all for admitting that McDonald’s is putting chemical addicting adding into their food so that you crave it all—- but Crystal— you were IN his truck, why didn’t you just leave his butt on the side of the road and drive there yourself? Or maybe that restaurant he wanted to go to was Hooters, and you went there LAST week?
So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?
Obama and Congress, of course!
Our American leaders make the Miami Dolphins look like it’s extortion amateur night. Just like the Miami Dolphins, our American leaders are exempting themselves from Obama care, and making the rest of the poor hardworking class nobodies pay for their big meals, their free healthcare, their free vacations,—all while we have to sit at home and watch ESPN on TV munching on our Doritos.
While we eat McDonald’s, they dine on steak, lobster, and $8,000 bottles of wine thanks to the rookies in the lower soon-to-be be- gone middle class looking for an exit route crowd.
And just like the poor rookies who are afraid of losing their jobs, we can’t say “NO” to Obamacare, because we will lose our jobs.
WAIT…everybody is losing their jobs anyway.
So…congratulations are in order American Government! You win the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week!
If it is your intention, then I’d suggest you call up the Miami Dolphins and ask to be included in the next rookie dinner, and give the rest of us that make well below $400,000 a break.
As for Crystal…maybe Crystal hadn’t eaten in days, due to Obamacare…maybe she just found out she lost her health insurance and would have to go on a diet.
That would explain it.
Nobody Gets Email—- And Notes New look (Maybe I should hold a contest)
I don’t know about you, but how PERFECT could it be for the Boston Red Sox’s To Win the World Series and then go and place the trophy on the spot where the poor people were killed last year? Wait…they did that?
Now sports teams have to be politicians.
Go ahead and call me sour grapes, or a conspiracy nut, but I remember thinking at the beginning of World Series, game one— when both coaches came out, and the umpires were talking to them— I could have sworn that the Cardinal coach Mike Matheny looked really pissed off…sort of like he had just found out that it had already been decided that the series win was to go to Boston due to the fact that Boston had gone through so much pain last year, and a World Series win would be good for morale of the city. The big money boys had already decided it.
I’m sure that I’m not the only one in the world who thinks how easy it would be to rig a World Series. After all, they did it once before, and I don’t know how many people I heard rant on and on here in St. Louis, about how they just couldn’t BELIEVE how many simple catches the cardinals missed— Catches that even little leaguers’ could make.
Wrong. I’ve been to enough ball games to know, it’s just a game.
And so, Professional sports are NEVER fixed…And Presidents’ never lie.
And on that note, to my email!
(Thanks to J.R.)
Why Athletes Don’t Have Regular Jobs
The danger of having sports role models for kids…………….
1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: “I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”
2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”
3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skin’s say: “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”
4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: “He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings.”
5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes..” (Now that is beautiful)
7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: “You guys line up alphabetically by height.” And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.”
8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..”
9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: “That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”
10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”
11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)
12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I asked him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.”
13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”
14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: “I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.”
Ah, but they all ride to the bank in a Mercedes…
This week, we have two sports bloopers: The U.S. Post Office VS Bob Costos
The first blooper came last week, when the ever long-suffering Post Office printed up a whole line of new stamps to honor Michelle Obama’s “let’s just move, so I can be known for doing something besides spending your money ” obesity program for kids. But, at the event in which the stamps were revealed… it seems the first lady was a gasped at the thought that the kids might get some dangerous ideas from the stamps.
Yes….cannonballs, headstands, swinging on a swing, running, playing basketball without a helmet—- standing AND breathing, are now all considered dangerous by the Obama’s
“Three of the stamps in the fifteen stamp series raised safety concerns among sports figures on the President’s Council on Fitness, Sports & Nutrition. The stamps in question depicted children performing a cannonball dive, skateboarding without kneepads, and doing a headstand without a helmet. The unsafe depictions came to light after USPS Marketing chief Nagisa Manabe asked Michelle Obama to take part in a first day ceremony for the stamps. That was apparently the first time the stamps had been reviewed by the Sports Council.”
Maybe they should have gotten someone named Mike as the Marketing chief.
I’m not so sure we can blame this on the Post Office, who right now, have their share of problems…like going bankrupt in a few days. (Or is it hours?) But, until they can come up with some starvation stamps…you know..kids not drinking milk, or eating pancakes, giving their food to the poor in India, —- the Post office will have to take the hit.
Funny, I couldn’t find out how much it cost to print those stamps anywhere.
And then there’s that lovable but hyperirritable sportscaster Bob Costos. Once again, Bob got the nudge from Obama to open his mouth to utter this ridiculous hyperbole:
That’s right. Bob claims the name REDSKINS is a slur. so….I found a bunch of “nobodies” on the internet who had this to say about Bob’s hypersensitivity to the color of anybody skin. Red or black.
Dr. Elephant: He is suddenly offended at “redskins”, but call Sarah Palin a “redneck” and he will just giggle.
Nobody: Dr. Elephante—He also just called anyone who was upset by his comments “any negative reaction comes from an extreme fringe.” I’m insulted, how about you?
The Grim Reaper: I consider “president” followed by Obama to be a slur….
TSH7623: Maybe you’re right Bob. Maybe we can achieve utopia by letting enlightened sports commentators and politicians gut all societies of anything that might possibly offend anyone. Why don’t you set a good example for everyone and stop vomiting your rotten-brained political correctness all over people who are trying to enjoy a GAME.
The Real Killer: Maybe Costos should rename himself “Cost Us” …in honor of his man-crush, Boy Baraka…and push for naming the team the same way….the Thinskins.
Victory Man: “Announcers”….I call them the “Medical mouthpieces”…..”So tell me coach, I know wide receiver Ralph Smith broke his leg on the last play before halftime, but, do you think he’ll be back in action for the second half”….”There’s a break in the action, so I must report that the band aid on the quarterback’s elbow has been replaced with a fresh one…back to you in the booth.”
Lazypadawoon: Maybe instead of changing the name, why not just replace the Indian with a potato? (rim shot)
So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect award for the week?
Is it the Post Office? After all, this is not the first time they have thrown out stuff: Dolly Parton’s free library books are a favorite trash bin Post Office item all across the country. And don’t go caroling near one any time soon, Christmas carolers are NOT allowed—-unless of course you are there to buy the Muslim Holiday celebration stamps, ordered by Obama.
Or is it Bob Costas? Bob’s parroting of Obama’s every racially offensive whim insults my own parakeet, who frankly, has more common sense.
No…I’m afraid the prize goes to the Obamas. Congratulations Obamas…you win AGAIN!
Yes— Mr. and Mrs. Obama—-Who like the wasteful spenders that they are, love to dictate our lives down to our Muslim stamps, what our kids can do at playtime, and how skin color is the most important factor in deciding our sports names.
Really. I wish I had a team to honor MY white skin.
As for Obama— for a President to even bring up this petty subject, while by his own admission, the whole world is going to be destroyed within hours—-is a serious dereliction of duty.
It borders on impeachment.
Clearly. The Obama stamps will be here before he leaves office.
Which, is good news. Do you really think Obama would let the Post Office close before he got his own face put on a Forever Stamp?
Not gonna happen.
If we don’t talk about politics on a Friday, do they?
This is how I would feel if Ted Cruz’s DAD was President! I would LEARN how to this…if ONLY.
I got this from Yahoo…a tiny cheerleader named Marie Klein, set a Guinness Book record by doing 42 back flips. Something that we ALL have tried to do in our lives,….and some of us were drunk at the time.
What is amazing is how straight a line she did. She said she felt a little nauseated afterwards……imagine what she will be able to do in college! This woman will be able to have at least ten kids, no problem. Putin at this very minute is playing this video on his I-Phone, and saying, “We could USE that girl in OUR gene bank!”
Enjoy…and count. I didn’t come up with 42…I got 40…how about you?
Nobody Gets Email
Look what you can do if you get off your computer! Something tells me most of these people could care less about email. And none of them have a problem levitating.
Click on my title, which takes you to a bigger page, then enlarge this…and enjoy!
And…don’t try this at home.
(Thanks to my liberal friend, JR)
This week the biggest $*%&up in Superbowl history, pretty much made the United States the laughing stock of the world. By now, everyone knows that half the stadium’s lights went out in the middle of the game, the most watched game in Superbowl’s history.
Ha, Ha…ha ha….
Nobody seems to know what caused the blackout…but anyone with common sense knows that the half-time shows keep getting bigger and more fantastic….and it seems to reason…Beyonce’s show blew more than a couple of generators.
After all, we don’t get to show off our stuff much to the world anymore. After London’s big Olympic festival, we’ve just been dying to show everyone how’s it’s done. …but….
“Beyoncé blew the electric in the Superdome twice, I’m told, during her rehearsals during the week. So they should have known that this might happen.” said Craig Carton. “I mean, it was embarrassing.”
I almost felt like Obama was directing it this year, because to start out with all the kids from Sandy Hook singing the National Anthem…come on. Really? This is a FOOTBALL game. Can’t we get away from politics for just a few minutes?
NO. Not only did we get Sandy Hook, we got Obama’s two favorite big fan supporters: Alicia Keys and Beyoncé. And even after poor Madonna went all over the world telling everyone to vote for Obama last year.
To save Obama’s face for his very best rich friend Beyoncé, the NFL spokesman came out and said there was no way it was Beyoncé’s fault. Everyone is all over the place saying “Oh…Beyonce is not at fault. oh nooooooooo.”
In this new ‘efficient” energy program coming soon to your neighborhood, all lights will be turned off in every city after 10 pm…to save the planet.
What’s really embarrassing is that the whole world was watching. Here’s what Brazil had to say:
Brazil–Brazilians usually have little time for the U.S. version of football, but they can’t stop talking about this year’s Super Bowl. Subjected for years to questions about whether Brazil is prepared to effectively host the 2014 World Cup and 2016 Rio Summer Olympics, there was more than a little glee as the world’s richest country messed up its most important sporting event.
Yes, one disaster after another is happening in Obama’s Presidency. First time the United States was downgraded: First time our salaries were cut: First Time one President spent as much money as all the ones before him: First Time a President chewed gum throughout everything serious. First time we have a President who wants us all to disarm the whole country, lose weight, and not let our kids play football.First time illegals were given amnesty, First time a President can arrest anyone at anytime with no trial. First time a president arrested a man for making a video he didn’t like…(I could go on)
You won the “The NFL is too afraid to stand up to Beyoncé’s use of energy because she’s Obama’s best friend.” award.
Obviously, Obama had a say in the whole thing. If the NFL is willing to let a President change the rules of football, why bother with the ego of his favorite singer?
Next year…get it together..
Blame it on global warming
The Olympics, we have found out, is not only a competition for sports, it also a big gigantic international orgy..
I’m still remembering Rocky Balboa saying he was “saving his strength.”
Enquiring minds want to know:
In a sign of what the world’s fittest sportsmen and women get up to in the Olympic village, a record 150,000 free condoms – 15 for each competitor – have been made available to them. Women’s football goalkeeper Hope Solo told the Daily Mirror: ‘There’s a lot of sex going on at the Olympics. I’ve seen people having sex out in the open, getting down and dirty on grass between buildings.’”
Okay…so…the LAST thing the officials of the world want is a bunch of international babies or sport agents finding out their main ticket to paradise went and got pregnant at the Olympics, and cannot pose for that awesome bikini picture on the cover of Wheaties.
While everyone can imagine the hormone drives going on with the top athletes of the world, and all those magnificent bodies floating around…this Nobody Remembers..
—That once upon a time, if you needed a condom..you paid for your own.! In fact, you kept your sex life a secret.
What? What kind of message does this send to the millions of teenagers in the world looking to compete in sports? If you get to the top of your sport then you will one day end up in the biggest orgy in the world? GO FOR IT!
Nobody also wants to know…Who exactly is paying for these condoms? Is Durex donating them in order to get a bit of “free’ advertizing? Or do the taxpayers of London pay for them? Or are they included with the price of your ticket?
This has thrown a whole new monkey wrench into my Olympic viewing. I’m going to be matching up the Japanese male gymnasts with the American women swimmers and volleyball team, and picturing all kinds of Olympic sex stunts.
Will they be able to put on that condom flipping from the high bar into the pool?
Will the pole vaulter be able to put that condom on, BEFORE he lands on the discus thrower?
Will SEX someday be a REAL Olympic sport?
Somebody stop me….
Aw..come on. It’s Friday! I have to give us all a break from Obama bashing.
I thought this was funny. I’ve seen men go pretty ballistic on the golf course, and I bet you have too.
—That I am a golf brat. It was my father’s daily pastime and my mother’s favorite game to hate. I was bought up on the fact that golf will ruin a man…My father played 18 holes a day, and 74 on weekends, even when it snowed. My parents fought like cats and dogs for over 40 years, untill one day, after she retired from working…my mother got hooked on it to0.
Why my father didn’t get her hook on it sooner, I’ll never know. It would have saved me hours of listening to my mom complain about…”GO GET YOUR FATHER! HE”S STILL ON THE GOLF COURSE!”
Okay mom. —Yeah, the course was a few blocks away. I got pretty good at dodging golf balls.
So, I’ve seen a lot of golf shots in my day..but nothing like this.
Somebody blew on this ball…or it had some kind of magnet in it. Come on. This cannot be real….and who has a name like FUZZY? Did Fuzzy forget to take the trick golf ball out of his bag?
—if we can’t have a bit of fun after all this doom and gloom in the world, right? Right.
I’m watching the Cardinals, they are leading 8-3 against the Rangers in Texas, in the World Series. It’s only game number 3…but it’s a good feeling here tonight. The restaurants are filled, and everybody in St. Louis are noticeably happier….it’s like for a moment in time, we are back to ourselves again. Sports can do that to a town. It’s seems to be the only time when a society can say “YES…we are better than YOU!” and it’s okay.
But check out these guys..I’ve followed my son around while he played disc golf, and he can throw a frisbee pretty good…but these guys.. they are really amazing!