This week we have our mainstream media, who came out today and ‘ejaculated’ the most vicious comments against Ted Cruz ever imagined, VS a man who actually DID ejaculate into a co-workers coffee.
Let’s start with the mainstream media on all our cable networks. All Ted Cruz did today, was announce that he was going to run for President. Okay. The nobodies in America said, “Hey! That’s great. Seems like a nice guy…loves America, wants to get rid of that disaster called Obamacare, (check) wants to simplify our outrageous tax code, (check) not afraid to be proud to be a Christian (check) was raised by a father who suffered greatly under Fidel Castro and came to America, and did a hell of a job raising a son who loves this country..(check, check) Has a lovely wife and two daughters. (check)
So what’s the big deal?
OMG. In just a few short hours, everyone who is ANYONE on TV and cable networks came out in furious alarm. I couldn’t believe it. You would have thought he was Stalin reincarnated. Wait. Most liberals love Stalin.
You would have thought he has sex with Bruce Jenner. Wait. That would have been accepted.
You would have thought he endorsed Netanyahu! (help me out here) You would have thought he dismissed climate change! (He did.)
You would have thought that Ted Cruz wanted to fundamentally CHANGE America, and he does! Back to the Constitution and common sense, and back to the people. OMG…no WONDER they are so upset.
Whoa. I can’t put up all the outrageous remarks made by all the people in power, but they must be deathly afraid of this man: Go here to Media Matters to see some of the videos. It was like Obama’s midnight madness bathroom porn: “Busty Pundits screw big Cruz.”
I almost had to close my eyes and ears.
Ted Cruz did not in any way deserve such vicious and ridiculous attacks, and some even from the MOST conservative pundits. The only man that is famous that didn’t attack him was Rush Limbaugh. Greg Gutfull was especially stupid, but being he seems to be Dana Perini’s butt-boy, who is Bush’s butt-girl, that’s no surprise.
The whole lot of them made me sick…to know…that there are so very few honest, and principled men left on any stations..including FOX…shows how easily it is to be depressed about it all.
And so, the only comparison I could think of to go against this vicious ejaculation of hatred. was a man who ejaculated in a woman’s coffee in Minnesota:
A judge found that John Robert Lind’s creepy behavior didn’t qualify as criminal sexual conduct — even though his victim drank the tainted coffee. Minnesota law doesn’t cover indirect bodily fluid contact.
Let’s be clear: Leaving any bodily fluid in your colleagues’ food will get you into trouble in Minnesota, and it’s ill-advised.
But at this point, it is unclear what charge you’d be convicted of.
To that end, a man was just cleared of sex charges after admitting that he ejaculated into his co-worker’s coffee and on her desk at work.
Yes…in America it’s not illegal to attack a man who simply wants to run for President, with such libel and viciousness, you want to shake your head in shame for all the whores throwing out those comments, and it’s not illegal, no, but what? What the hell?
They might as well ejaculated on him. It’s also not illegal to ejaculate in someone’s coffee.
So who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?
Is it the long list of GOP and political pundits who ejaculate their propaganda and libelous hatred of America and anyone who dares stand up for his country and loves the flag?
Or is it the man who was obviously so pissed at a co-worker he just ejaculated into her coffee. to which she unknowingly drank.
It might all be legal. But we don’t have to put up with it.
Congratulation U.S. FOX NEWS, CNN, MSNBE, DAVID BROOKS, liberal idiots of the whorehouses of our mainstream media.
And we are taking notes.
By the way all you guys out there….I KNOW how tempting it will be, if any of these Ted Cruz ejaculating pundits that you see on Media Matters or on your TV, just happens to appear anywhere near you in Minnesota, and is drinking coffee….if you happen to be a Ted Cruz fan and are as mad as I am about their obnoxious attacks….find a dark corner…
Wait. I shouldn’t of said that. I take it back.
I ALMOST fell down their rabbit hole.
Great Day for America! Ted Cruz announced he is running for President, and he did it among the young people at a Christian University.
He says he wants to repeal Obamacare, and introduce a flat tax. YES! And evidently, he can debate….having won many honors in that field.
Right now, the war plans of Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton are paying huge amounts of money to ‘dig up the dirt’ on Ted and all his family. SNL is finding their Ted Cruz imitator, thinking up lines like, “I can see Canada from here!”
Nevertheless…ANYBODY but Jeb Bush. Right?
Are we not tired of Obama…OMG, what an understatement.
Many are saying this was a tactical mistake. I don’t think so…I thought coming out before everybody else was brilliant.
Now I can go have a happy spring day. Thanks Ted!
Watch…I bet you didn’t know just how wonderful our CIA director thinks the Muslim religion is, and how well he speaks the language. Watch to the end, where he mentions his time in Saudi Arabia, and praises it. NO mention of how that religion treats it’s woman, and how the religion is backward, how they behead their criminals and stone women who are raped.
Here’s the good news: It’s basketball madness time, and Obama is glued to some TV between his rounds of golf. On the Sunday talk shows, CIA director, John Brennen, was being grilled by FOX NEWS anchor, Chris Wallace, on why was it that both he and Obama claimed that Al-Quada had been eliminated during the last election, when obviously, they were NOT eliminated, but grew.
Well, ISIS is a whole new ballgame— he said. They couldn’t have predicted that. They had Al Quada on the run, who knew about these other guys? They came out of nowhere.
To be fair and balanced, Condoleezza Rice said the very same thing after 9/11. There was no way to know that terrorists would fly planes into the twin towers.(cough, cough)
Either we have the sorriest, overpaid, overblown egotistical idiots at the top of our government running the show, or they are absolute criminals.
I’m having a hard time finding the ‘gray’ area here.
Yes, our elite American leaders are always saying that the world is just too complicated you know, but trust us, we can handle it.
And then, Bibi Netanyahu spoke to the world.
Is it any wonder so many love Netanyahu? Iran wants to wipe Israel off the planet earth. It’s not complicated at all. They say it every day.
The BIG joke is Obama makes videos to send to other nations—so that they can SEE what a nice guy he is. He just sent one of his famous pep talk videos to the Iranian people….which pissed off Khamenei.
Iran’s Supreme leader Ali Khamenei called for “Death to America” on Saturday, a day after President Barack Obama appealed to Iran to seize a “historic opportunity” for a nuclear deal and a better future, and as US Secretary of State John Kerry claimed substantial progress toward an accord.
“We have an opportunity to get this right,” Kerry said, as he urged Iran to make “fundamental decisions” that prove to the world it has no interest in atomic weapons. It’s time to make hard decisions,” Kerry said. “We want the right deal that would make the world, including the United States and our closest allies and partners, safer and more secure. And that is our test.”
Do Barack Obama and John Kerry think that just their sweet personalities are going to convince Iran that they can have nukes, but they will never use them?
And once again, the question is: Are they that stupid? Or is the world so complicated that they just can’t seem to figure it out..
Best to go shoot another round of golf and think about it.
Or…could it be, Obama is doing exactly as planned. He really does want Iran to be able to get nukes, because, he truly does think that the Jews (along with the whites of America) are evil people, and he wants payback. Obama, like his CIA director…believes that Islam is ALWAYS peaceful. We really don’t have to worry about them at all.
Michael Goodwin said this:
For Israel, the consequences will be intended. Those who make excuses for Obama’s policy failures — naive, bad advice, bad luck — have not come to grips with his dark impulses and deep-seated rage.
Here is a man, who unlike the Bushes or the Clinton’s—-rose up out of an orphaned childhood, — to become the most powerful man in the world.
Obama, is like many orphans of the world..attached to nobody. Add to that a very spoiled brat of a man, whose deep troubled childhood left a rage so deep, nobody knows what to make of it. Just his lies alone, show his neurosis…and it’s clear to this nobody—the man, is at least, and I’m being kind here…. a sociopath.
Many of us know, that there is nothing complicated about that. Obama, much like Hitler—will bring his own country down with him. Right now, all his actions point to the fact that both HE and his CIA director John Brennan, are completely out of their minds as to reality.
While that may not be complicated, it sure is scary, isn’t it?
Nobody Get Email
Hey! I posted this HOURS ago, only to find out it disappeared, along with some thoughts I had, on kids and their wonderful saying…Like when my 4 year old asked me if God was Japanese.
But, now I’m playing catch up…it’s time to write tomorrow’s Nobody’s Opinion so…just the joke….enjoy!
(Thanks to JR)
Children Writing About the Ocean…
- This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 7)
- Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
- If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 4)
- Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
- A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)
- My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
- When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
- Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
- I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 8 )
- Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)
- When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 8)
- Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
- On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)
- The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)
- My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
If you didn’t smile at one of these, you need to find a better sense of humor.
Nobody Gets Email
Thank goodness there are people taking care of these wonderful creatures….
And in this world of people madness, there’s always the fun of babies!
(Thanks to my dear friend Mona)
I know this is hard to see…BUT…the whole country has been hearing, from the lips of Barack Obama and Eric Holder, that Ferguson was targeting blacks unfairly by giving out too many traffic tickets to them. The cities are getting rich. Uh…..not really.
This Nobody is here to tell you, WHY blacks drive carelessly, walk down the street and give cops the finger, and do things like steal cigars from helpless shop owners…
They know, that they won’t be prosecuted.
Rest your mind world! Since 2002, every year, (and every black knows about this) can get all tickets, warrants, and past illegal fees forgiven on Amnesty Day! Ten bucks will be all you have to pay.
Having trouble paying child support? NO problem! Show up on Amnesty Day!
Too many outstanding speeding tickets? NO problem! Show up on Amnesty Day! Don’t pay those expensive tickets—that’s only for rich white people.
There’s a warrant out for your arrest? NO problem! Come on down to Amnesty Day! We even give you three days to make it here.
And this covers all of the black counties in the St. Louis area.
Where do you think Obama got the idea for amnesty?
Is this going on in other cities? I have no idea. BUT…remember, when you hear Obama feeling sorry for the poor black men all over the country that are given tickets by the cops…
It don’t mean a thing. Unless of course, they are honest people. And in THAT case, they probably never get tickets in the first place.
I love these really short video’s which explain things in a simple sort of way, and because I need to do other stuff tonight, I’m sparing you from my usual rants on history.
Much has happened since even this was made, but remember, Obama really doesn’t care about ISIS.
He plays golf after beheadings.
Which should make ALL of us…wonder. Okay. so maybe it’s just me wondering….who’s side is he on?
If you do not have Thomas Sowell in your vocabulary, you’re really missing a great mind. Here Mr. Sowell explains the truth about why blacks have fallen so far behind.
Thomas Sowell has NEVER been anybody’s fool. As a writer and a thinker, he’s on every issue under the sun, 99 percent perfect.
“They” wanted to move the world to a cashless society. It was pretty easy wasn’t it? Hardly anybody pays cash anymore for anything. It was WONDERFUL to not have to carry cash anymore…just a simple card that takes it out of your bank account. Piece of cake! And now the banks will even give you money for putting all your necessaries, like food and gas, on a card. How about that online banking? You don’t even have to take the time to look at what you owe! We will just grab it out of your bank account! Isn’t that great?
Great, until you realize that you have nothing to trade…if there is an EMP attack tomorrow, all your money will be in the bank, and you won’t get it back, and NOW, the government can just go in and seize it.
But…so far…no problem…right?
And then, a young man named Edward Snowdon let it out: Everyone is being watched, all the time…and it’s against our privacy rights….and he had to flee for his life, because it had been a well kept secret that the government was listening to our phone calls. Reading our emails.
No…no one is listening to your phone calls or emails—said the lying Obama. But if they want to, they can. You will never know.
But…so far…no problem. Right?
Other experts recently made the chilling discovery that it is possible to remotely access the video cameras built into the front of thousands of smart televisions, and spy on the users in their own home. At fault is a common electronic device invented nearly a century ago and found in almost every modern household: the domestic television set.
Put simply, our TVs have started spying on us.
So, they took over the internet…and like the scene in 1984…all TVs will have cameras in them, so that anybody from the government or even from another country can turn it on and watch you having sex with your wife.
You won’t know of course, but it’s for your own protection. It’s only a matter of time before they control WHAT you can watch. Want to watch Married with Children reruns before you go to work? Forget it. You’re 20 pounds overweight. Like John Hurt in the movie, 1984, you will get your morning exercise program, and the camera will SEE if you are doing your exercises.
Barack Obama and John Kerry have now turned to the next big issue: Climate change. The biggest threat on the planet they tell us, and they have to act quickly to protect us all so…they are using the EPA.
The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) wants hotels to monitor how much time its guests spend in the shower. The EPA is concerned that the average shower, which lasts just eight minutes, uses 18 gallons of water, and has asked Americans to reduce their shower length by at least one minute.
The agency is spending $15,000 to create a wireless system that will track how much water a hotel guest uses to get them to “modify their behavior.”
After that great sex, you might want to take a shower, but the EPA is warming up to that too: They want to regulate how much water everybody uses, and they are starting their program with Hotels:
The rich of course, won’t care. But the poor, will just do without that shower. Stocks in deodorant will soar. It’s a win/win for the corporations and the government.
But..so far…no problem. Right?
And then, there’s that pesky car. They keep telling us the fumes from our cars are killing the planet, and we are too dependent on oil, and now, with the gas prices as high as they have been, (thanks to our government’s EPA regulations) people just stopped driving. Taxes are being lost.
But that’s not enough for our government. They want to track us, find out where everybody is going, and SO they want to start putting cameras in the cars, so that they can see you. And Hertz has agreed to start:
“The system can’t be turned off from what I could tell. Further investigation revealed that the camera can see the entire inside of the car. I know rental car companies have been tracking the speed and movements of their vehicles for years but putting a camera inside the cabin of the vehicle is taking their need for information a little TOO FAR. I find this to be completely UNACCEPTABLE. In fact, if I get another car from Hertz with a camera in it, I will move our business from Hertz completely.”
“We do not have adequate bandwidth capabilities to the car to support streaming video at this time,” said hertz.
Gee, how long will it take to get that? One week maybe?
The bad news is, the government and the police can stop your car from a computer…if they want. They will have drones in the skies watching our every move. But, they really don’t want you to drive…eventually, they want to have a say in whether you can even HAVE a car.
“In the distant future,” said the Telsa CEO, “They may outlaw driven cars because they’re too dangerous.”
What? Are you telling me that someday it will be against the law to drive my own car? Well, no. They just want to control WHERE you go, how fast you go to get there, and if you can even go at all. And yes, if you get on their bad side, you won’t be allowed to even own one.
Tesla, known now for its electric vehicles, will be the leader in the future self-driving car industry, the CEO said. Tesla is not the only company hoping to dominate the self-driving car industry. The Silicon Valley-based Telsa will also face competition from Google and possibly Apple while legacy car-makers
Like the Affordable Health Care Act, the name says it all.
You will have no self left.
And then the new Bible will be written:
The Government, Apple, Google, and Telsa saw everything that they had made, and behold it was very good. And they rested on the 7th day.
God gave man freedom, and man takes freedom away.
He’s already got rid of God…
Being a musician, I used to cringe when my son turned 16, and put the boom-boxes in the back trunk of his Firebird–you could hear him thumpin’ the sidewalks as he drove down the street blasting rap music.
And then I remembered that MY parents thought the Beatles were corrupting the entire world. I ignored it. He grew out of it. It lasted a good two years, and he went onto golf.
BUT…nowadays, if a white kid would do that, the black community would say they were “racist” and trying to “co-op” the black culture. Blacks are the only ones now who can claim their culture, and the word, “nigger.” Yes, I am going to write that word because I claim my free speech right to say it.
I happen to think that if WHITE rappers want to say nigger every other sentence they should go right ahead and do it. Free speech is not a concept only given to be used by one race. It’s an American right.
They could say things like this:
Bches Zooted and Sipped, I’m Suited And Zipped.
Make a move or get skipped, sis ya “who it,” and hit,
Like, who is this bch?
Who was fooding this fish?
Let ya hoof n’ it slip, I’ll swoop in and split.
Take two of this t*t… D-do-do-dit dit
Keep Grooving this b**ch, like ya new with this pip!
These are lyrics from a woman named Azealia Banks, who just posed nude for a rich white man’s magazine called playboy, to which in an interview she had this to say:
“Black people need reparations for building this country, and we deserve way more f***ing credit and respect… When you rip a people from their land, from their customs, from their culture — there’s still a piece of me that knows I’m not supposed to be speaking English, I’m not supposed to be worshiping Jesus Christ…All this s**t is unnatural to me.”
“I hate everything about this country. Like, I hate fat white Americans… All the people who are crunched into the middle of America, the real fat and meat of America, are these racist conservative white people who live on their farms… Those little teenage girls who work at Kmart and have a racist grandma — that’s really America.”
Who out there would like to send MS Banks back to the country of her origin? Or …the Congo? I don’t think she needs any money for something she didn’t do…like build this country. That would mean that whites should get reparations too, they did a lot more of the building than blacks. And seeing as she clearly speaks another language, I’d say she should stay far away from everybody that speaks English. From now on, no more interviews in English.
As for fat white people in middle America, guess what? There’s just as many fat black people in middle America. They collect at Wal-Marts across the land. And most of them work at K-mart and Wal-marts where THEIR grandma still goes to church and worships Jesus.
Nobody Wonders when Obama is going to hook up with this white hating rapper. After all…they speak the same language.
I love it.
The big question this week is— will Congress be able to get into Hillary’s private emails server?
All last week, the question of Hillary and her deleted emails, made us wonder if there wasn’t a plan to get us all sick to death of hearing about it, and beg for it to go away…because after all, the Republicans want Hillary to run in 2016, they don’t want this either. Is it working? All this mass coverage of the missing emails?
Are we getting sick of it? Yep.
And speaking of getting sick….
On the grand scale of hypnotic hypocritical hypothesis’, the Barack Obama claim that it was actually George W. Bush who was responsible for the creation of ISIS, is one for the baloney history books.
In an interview with VICE news, he said this:
Well…Nobody Wonders…what took you so long Obama? We were beginning to believe you’d fallen asleep. Too many beers. Too many putts. Too many nights out at fancy dinner parties with the Secret Service.
Here’s the problem: Ron Paul is sending out emails saying this exact same thing. If we had just stayed out of Iraq, none of this would be happening.
Let’s say that’s true. Nevertheless, when you are given a problem— YOU DON’T MAKE IT WORSE!
Which is exactly what Obama has done, and by all observation..on purpose. Nobody swears ISIS looks like the army Obama would invent himself: All those black outfits…I can’t wait for them to start rapping.
“We gonna tear down the Eiffel Tower, and Big Ben too!”
“And After all that, George Bush, we’re coming after YOU!”
Where’s Jimmy Kimmel? Obama needs to get on this.
While trying to rebuild Iraq was the impossible dream, at least after the surge, there wasn’t the huge army of madness that Obama has created. ISIS is Obama’s making. That’s on his drone crazy head alone. George W. Bush at least would have never left our men and women out to die, and disarmed them, put them in fields of engagement where they couldn’t possibly hold on.
Obama has literally lost towns that our boys had died to free just because he didn’t like the policy of war.
Nobody Knows how much damage Obama has done to our military, and Nobody Knows if it wasn’t just to give the cities back to the Muslims so he could one day say..
“See what George Bush did?”
Obama…always siding with the enemy…and planning his next blame game. It’s all about….him.
And speaking of siding…
Is that why we seem to be, once again, supplying ISIS with all the military guns, ammunition, helicopters, jets, Hummers and trucks that they need to take over?
What happen to common sense? You DESTROY what you leave behind so the enemy can’t take it. Not in Obama’s army. NO sir-reee. Never let a good tank go to waste, is his motto: Give it to a nearby Muslim.
The Pentagon is unable to account for more than $500 million in U.S. military aid given to Yemen amid fears that the weaponry, aircraft and equipment is at risk of being seized by Iranian-backed rebels or al-Qaeda, according to U.S. officials.
In Yemen and elsewhere, the Obama administration has pursued a strategy of training and equipping foreign militaries to quell insurgencies and defeat networks affiliated with al-Qaeda. That strategy has helped to avoid the deployment of large numbers of U.S. forces, but it has also met with repeated challenges.
Washington spent $25 billion to re-create and arm Iraq’s security forces after the 2003 U.S.-led invasion, only to see the Iraqi army easily defeated last year by a ragtag collection of Islamic State fighters who took control of large parts of the country
Obama’s war strategy is to hand over billions of dollars worth of military equipment PAID BY THE AMERICAN TAXPAYER… to fight, even if its against us. Make sense doesn’t It?
And speaking of making sense…
Nobody Knows why Obama’s Secret Service is basically made up of a bunch of low-life drunks. A couple of them got drunk and hit the fence in front of the White House.
But…they weren’t shot, unlike that poor girl who just wanted to TALK to Obama. She was sober.
Could it be…they don’t care about the President? The director was being grilled today about why the Secret Service is such a disgrace, and the director has come up with a solution:
Nobody Knows how the Secret Service got along all these years without having to rehearse in a fake White House, but I blame it on the fact, that our Secret Service is made up of…idiots.
They couldn’t pass the regular Secret Service program so they need to go over it again…
It’s like, anybody that didn’t pass math in the 4th grade (half the country) Obama is going to have them take remedial courses in community college to catch them up, and make us pay for it.
Same thing. Same Logic.
And one last thing…
Nobody Knows how happy I am that I didn’t have to go get drunk in an Irish pub tonight; Bibi won.
My faith in the Jewish People has been renewed.
Israel has its race card players too….and she (He?) said this:
“Yachimovich says: “No Western leader would dare utter such a racist comment. Imagine a prime minister/president in any democracy who would warn that his rule is in jeopardy because, e.g., ‘Black voters are coming in droves to the polling stations’… Horrendous, isn’t it? In any case, I think what worries Bibi is that Israeli citizens are moving in droves to the ballots, and quite simply want to democratically topple him.”
I love it when people move in droves, don’t you?
Next week, Nobody Knows why Spell Check doesn’t do a better job catching my mistakes, and if George W. Bush will finally take the blame for Hillary’s missing emails.
On this St. Patty’s Day in America, all good hearts are on Israel elections and the hoped for victory of Bibi Netanyahu. It’s being reported that many buses of Arabs are being brought in to vote.
From The Times of Israel:
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Likud, vying for the role for his fourth time (third consecutively), made a last-ditch attempt over the past days to win back voters mainly from the right-wing bloc, vowing Monday night to block a Palestinian state should he remain in office.
Can the Jewish people beat back Barack Obama’s many forces of community organizers? If George Soros spent $33 million dollars to cause the riots in little Ferguson, how many millions has he spent to topple Netanyahu in today’s election?
His opponent, Moshe Kahlon, head of the Kulanu party, (Named after the Hawaiian drink) claims to be on the same page as Bibi in his stance on protecting the Jewish people but…we all know, socialists lie.
Nobody Hopes the Jewish people live up to their gift of having the highest IQs on the planet, and may Bibi have the luck of the Irish on his plate today, and also bless the fact, that he will NOT have to smell corn beef and cabbage and deal with drunk Irishmen.
Just kidding. I love drunk Irishmen. Really. Because if Netanyahu loses, I’m joining some of those drunk Irishmen at the bar.
“Human have gotten along millions of years without colonoscopies, I just don’t understand why all of a sudden, you must have a test when nothing is wrong…I mean, why have a procedure that is unnecessary when you feel perfectly fine…especially when you COULD die from it?” I said.
My doctor, just shook his head. Every year, I would go into his office, and every year, he would tell me I should get a colonoscopy. He was PUSHING it. I imagined him making some kind of kickback….It’s not that I didn’t want to experience the pain, after all, I’d gone through a Caesarean, where you wake up and realized that oh..they DID cut through seven layers of muscle…stomach muscles you DO need to walk, who knew? I still remember trying to walk out of the parking lot to the children’s hospital where my newly born son was lying in an incubator…it took me about an hour just to get to the elevator.
…and gall bladder removal, where you realized that nobody will tell you that without the gall bladder, food actually travels at the speed of light through your body, the gall bladder acting as a traffic stoplight…even a snickers candy bar would go into my mouth and come out in a matter of minutes.
And they say the gall bladder is useless. THEY LIE! I was always calling up doctors and saying, “What is this green stuff coming out of me!” Nobody knew. It took a year for the alien gall bladder bile to disappear into probably some other organ in my body— like my ears. I should have called Steven Spielberg.
And most painful of all…I’ve had countless tooth infections, and root canals. Imagine what it must have been like before dentists? Pulling a tooth without Novocaine? Who knows how many wars were started by Kings with serious tooth decay?
What I wanted was my doctor to give me statistics. “Google it.” he said, as I saw him getting madder by the minute. Frustrated. Then he let it out. One of his patients was a mere 40 years old. He had cancer throughout his colon and didn’t even know it. He died. If he had gotten a colonoscopy, he would have lived. He didn’t want me to blame HIM if I had gotten colon cancer.
“Why in the WORLD would I blame you for the colonoscopy that I didn’t get?” I asked.
I guess his other patient did.
But, my real fears came from what I had heard, late at night on the radio. The radio host was really upset about his best friend, who had gone in for a routine colonoscopy, and was now, DYING…in a hospital. And this radio host talked about that for the next week. As far as I know, he is still there…punctured by some evil needle that couldn’t find its way back to the hole it came through.
Stuck. Blood oozing out all over his liver.
Surely, that would be my luck, I thought to myself. Out of the thousands, it would be me.
Even after reading Dave Barry’s famous colonoscopy column (Google it) I just thought..it’s all so unnecessary. O
And then, my wisest and dearest friend told me….do it. And so, I made the appointment.
Can’t be so hard, right?
As the day approached, I didn’t tell any of my friends. I didn’t want to jinx it.
Of course—there were papers that you had to sign….and then I saw it—there it was:
“Death COULD happen to you. ” sign here and relieve us of any charges.
I knew it. ..that mention of death again. They didn’t tell me that when I got my gall bladder surgery.
Drink all you want, and then pour this bottle of stuff in a glass and drink three 16 ounce glasses of whatever you want— but you do this all in just one hour.
You MUST drink all three glasses. And cool…you could mix this laxative stuff with any drink you like. I had SEEN what Coke could do in science class…you can launch a rocket with coke and Alka- seltzer, so I figured, Coke. That will clean ANYTHING out. It works great on car engines. If I’m going to do this, I want to use the most lethal soda on the planet.
Sounds easy right? It’s not. That night, I read two whole books in the bathroom. ….and
The next morning, zombie eyed..you do the same procedure all over again.
I had basically bloated my body with so much water, I could have passed as a floatation device in the nearest ocean.
I went into the office at after noon. I felt at least six months pregnant. My stomach was holding a water baby. As I walked into the office, the admitting nurse was curt:
“Come with me, you have to sign some forms.”
After signing about 1,345 more papers, the nurse looked at me and said…
“Do you want to be resuscitated?”
“What? Is this a trick question?” I asked.
Okay. Now. This was the real reason I didn’t want to be her in the first place, and so, I was right! I could die on that table, and they would look down at the paper I had just signed and say…
“Well, it says here, she doesn’t want to be resuscitated.”
I’m not kidding.
As they reeled me into the room, I looked at the doctor and said,
“I was my first time too,” he said. Meaning, the doctor had had more than one.
Great. Just knock me out. Which they gloriously did. That IS the best moment. They should bottle THAT stuff and sell it on the open market.
As I woke up, the doctor came right in…and so, nothing was wrong. They found a perfectly healthy and exceedingly CLEAN colon to which the doctor was very happy, as I’m sure he was, if you could have seen some of the people who were waiting n the waiting room…I was quick and easy. I wondered if I would have gotten such a clean as a whistle colon HAD I still had my gall bladder.
Was this the happy ending to the story?
Well…there is one thing they don’t tell you. And it’s that they fill you with air.
Yes, like a flat tire being filled, they actually pump you up with air to do whatever they do in the great labyrinth of what is called your intestines, better known as the great highway where no man has gone before.
They blow you up…ha ha! Who knew?
Afterwards the nurse was pressing on my stomach to push the air out.
Funny. The nurse won’t resuscitate, but pushing out air is something they really do like to do.
As I was getting ready to leave the nurse said, “Well, good news! You don’t have to have another one of these for ten more years.”
Don’t tell my doctor. Hopefully, he’ll be too old to remember my name.
“Don’t you want to someday want to see a woman President of America?”
Any woman worth their proverbial salt, upon hearing this, can’t help but groan….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!…. Not you! Anybody but you. We can WAIT another 1000 years. Please…not you. Go away. Go FAR away.
Everytime I hear Hillary speak, and wave her newly rehearsed hand gestures, (which I’m sure she has spent endless hours practicing in front of mirrors) my mind gets twisted with images of this:
- How embarrassing it is to think that of all the many world woman leaders in history that were worthy of leadership and admiration: Margaret Thatcher, Golda Meir, Queen Elisabeth the First, OUR first woman President, would be a woman so intellectual inferior, morally corrupt, despicably shallow, and intolerantly insolent….compared to past historically great women, that, in the words of Abigail Adams:
“Better to lead a sick horse to the river and let him drown, then let him infect the whole water system.”
After so many years of the Clinton’s misery…we cringe…and we dream—-for some act of God to save us. He doesn’t have to actually “kill” her…How about a sudden sex change? You know, so she couldn’t run on just being the first American WOMAN president? Is that too much to ask to save the dwindling ‘free’ world?
But, there is good news: It seems some of the powerful that run the world, don’t want her in office either. Her own party wants her out…and it’s coming from the top.
Obama, it has been reported, via Valerie Jarrett, is actually the one behind the email scandal:
The State Department was ordered to launch a series of investigations into Hillary’s conduct at Foggy Bottom, including the use of her expense account, the disbursement of funds, her contact with foreign leaders and her possible collusion with the Clinton Foundation.
Six separate probes into Hillary’s performance have been going on at the State Department. I’m told that thee-mail scandal was timed to come out just as Hillary was on the verge of formally announcing that she was running for president — and that there’s more to come.
Not only that, many of the liberals are falling off the Hillary love fest. Maureen Dowd, the queen of liberal quackery, had THIS to say:
” The subtext of your news conference cut through the flimsy rationales like a dagger: “You can have the first woman president. You can get rid of those epically awful Republicans who have vandalized Congress, marginalized the president and jeopardized our Iran policy. You can get a more progressive American society. But, in return, you must accept our foibles and protect us.”
I’m not sure what “haters” Maureen is talking about, but at least she has delivered a big kick to the smirk on Hillary’s face.
And then there’s the other problem Hillary has: Will Bill be an asset or not?
Who could sabotage Hillary quicker and more swiftly than her own husband? I have always felt, call it a gut feeling from watching the two for years and years, that Bill Clinton, while he stands behind Hillary and the promotion of his daughter, doesn’t really want to be the first husband.
Knowing the narcissistic tendency of all these people, Bill would always put HIS place in history as being more important than hers. And he has had to work YEARS to erase the bitter memories of his impeachment…people are forgetting…he’s more loved than she is.
Why ruin that?
Of course, he has already shown how much he thinks about hurting Hillary’s chances by being his usual sexual predator self. If he respected her at all, if he was so keen on her becoming President…he would stop his philandering.
And the truth: Without Bill Clinton, Hillary would just have been another annoying liberal arts school teacher…probably teaching some crap women’s studies at Yale.
She still needs him. He doesn’t need her. Bill Clinton help put Obama into the Presidency at the Democratic Convention. Bill Clinton can talk and BS better than the both of them. Will Bill’s great skill in convincing people to vote, get her elected in 2016?
Nobody Thinks: Bill’s charm might not be enough this time.
Bill has said very little about his wife through the years, think about it. By his very actions of distance, and silence, and disrespect..he harms here. Here is a man and women who everybody on the planet knows, stopped loving each other years ago. Can the Clinton brand be held up by Hillary alone?
So, there is hope: Wall Street has put the money on both houses: Bush and Hillary.
Unless of course, Hillary says more of this:
“Don’t let anybody tell you that it’s corporations and businesses that create jobs.” You know that old theory, trickle-down economics? That has been tried, that has failed. It has failed rather spectacularly. We’re not buying that old trickle-down economics that didn’t work before and will never work again because it defies arithmetic and reality.”
It’s said that the reason Obama doesn’t want Hillary in the White House is because she’s not far left enough…
From that statement, I’d say…Hillary might just have gone left of the planet Uranus.