Nobody Gets Email
Anybody who has ever owned a dog, will get a big kick out of this one…
(Thanks to JR)
Unbaked Yeast Rolls
We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent. Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me. Lest you think this is a bad case of ‘no discipline,’ I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit, including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress. Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.
I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.
I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours. Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour.
The rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock, one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated. I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be okay; however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night. God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick.
Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night. We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing, put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking, his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction. He couldn’t lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn’t stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon.
I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours, and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol. Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister’s house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.
My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off. Now I know you probably don’t believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that’s not the worst of it. Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen’s, thankful she didn’t live any further away than she did.
Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister’s garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper’s latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, ‘what goes in must come out’ and Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog’s digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen’s house.
Having discovered his ‘packages’ on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with a shovel.
I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn’t degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too. Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry’s sister’s house.
I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I’m doing research on the computer as to: ‘How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.’
And how was your day?
Nobody Gets Email
Before the Puppy Bowl, there was “Daddy’s come home!” Puppy joy! Notice how all the women are saying “Daddy’s come home?” I thought that was funny, we do the very same thing at our house. I once heard Michael Savage say that because so many people don’t have grandchildren now, and married couples are not having children…their dogs have become their “children.” I think he makes a very good point.
But…these dogs sure REMEMBER their best buds, even though they’ve been gone for such a long time, and nobody deserves that big love as much as our soldiers.
TELL me dogs don’t have the same emotions as humans.
Hey, blame it on the folks at Budweiser…I’m on a puppy roll this weekend.
Enjoy! Then go hug your puppy!
(And do remember on this Superbowl day…the real heroes, don’t have million-dollar contracts.)
Nobody Gets Email
It’s true. I love dogs. And I’m going to take a few hours off from blogging in order to go to the pool, and relax: just like these two. The only emails I got this week were dog pictures.
I’ll be back tonight or tomorrow morning…I see Obama stirring up a black and white race war, just because he can, and…well, I’m going into bunker funk, and not let him get me upset.
Too many blacks killing whites in my neighborhood and I need to CHILL!
So, here’s two of my favorite sights: Dogs. -I love dogs. I’ve had dogs all my life. And frankly, since writing is such a lonely endeavor, having a dog around gives me a sense comfort.
My American Eskimo sleeps on her back, and keeps ONE leg up in the air…which of course, as she falls into dreamland, the leg slooooooowly comes down, and when it comes down all the way, she PUSHES it back up. Even if she is deeply asleep. Sometimes I have watched her do this little stunt as she sleeps over and over again…for over 30 minutes. I’m not SURE why she has to keep that leg up in the air…if it’s a sexual thing, or a brain malfunction, but it cracks me up. You have to look for the little thing to make you laugh when the world goes crazy…and my dog’s proclivity to have her leg properly up in the air somehow makes the big things like having ‘exotic matter’ for breakfast, seem almost silly.
(And if you don’t know what that is…don’t worry. It’s just another dog lifting it’s leg up in the air, while sleeping, and being employed by Google. .)
Nobody Gets Email
I hate to say it, but I’m saving politics for Monday. I am so burnt out on this race BS. I am so burnt out on the fact that we have a President who is bent on downsizing America, and helping other nations instead, by design, because he believes that America has been evil. I am so burnt out on hearing the blacks complain. I am so burnt out on Chris Mathews, who no doubt, has a shoe fetish.
So..What do I do when I get really burnt out? HA! Like many Americans, I turn to my dogs! And here’s a dog named Jumpy, that makes me wonder why he doesn’t have his own TV show.
Honey Boo-Boo, I hear is leaving. We could use an improvement.
Happy Saturday! I’m going swimming before I found out they closed my local pool due to budget cuts.
(Thanks to J.R.)
Ahh…..We LOVE our dogs, do we not? Chaser the dog could teach me a few tricks…like how to remember where I put my car keys. My dogs are actually smarter than Chaser because they have figured out how to get me to do whatever they want at THEIR command.
Sometimes God puts a creature on the earth that just defies all records: That’s my new buddy Gabriel. He was found wandering in the streets…and taken in by the humane society, where a good guy named PAT decided to grab him and bring him home to his neighbor Pattie, (my best friend Pattie) Now, Pattie, weighs less than Gabriel, and so, Gabriel has been a handful. He has eaten her curtains, the wood off her door, and thought that last full moon was so wonderful, he howled at it all night. (And barked.)
In other words, he is himself in all his God-given glory, a wonderful dog. But…there is something just so wonderful about Gabriel that I can’t explain…he’s so sweet. Those big brown eyes look in your face and just talk.
I believe God sends us challenges in our life. We might not know at the time why God sends us the problems in life, but later on, when we look back, problems shape our souls. I don’t know how Gabriel came to happen upon Pattie’s door, but there he was. Big and lovable, and a handful.
I’m hoping my friend Pattie keeps Gabriel…because he just wants what we all want in the end: To be loved for ourselves…faults and all. All new relationships take time. And I can’t imagine anyone abandoning such a dog, unless they just couldn’t afford to feed him.
Having said that…I have never met a more loving and cuddly dog..next to my own two mutts of course!
Here’s some pictures of my first meeting of Gabriel….and that’s Pat…the man who found Gabriel (in the red hat) and his wife Charlene. (Can you tell by looking at that picture that Charlene has a wonderful laugh? )
They make, of all things SALSA FOR DOGS! Really. How cool is that?
Pattie took the pictures, and it was Kentucky Derby Day at Pattie’s house…dogs and all. My horse came in second…I bet the Pyramids of Egypt and lost. So I guess the Pyramids get to stay in Egypt.
Pattie… just like last year, picked the winner. And she has a winner in Gabriel. All she needs now is a moving van.
Once in a while, on some Sundays, I will be posting various thoughts that I have gathered from the news, just because they are there. They will mostly all be random, so I decided to simply call them, NOBODY’S NOTES, because as you can see…I’m on a Nobody Roll!
Here they are;
Remember when Spike Lee tweeted George Zimmerman’s address so that the millions of blacks that had been fired up by Jesse Jackson and Obama, could go out and find him, inciting mob violence? Since it was his family’s home, Spike put innocent people in danger. If something had happened to George’s family, Nobody Wonders if Spike Lee would have been arrested?
And when the Black Panthers put out a million-dollar bounty on Zimmerman’s head, the press reported it as some kind of interesting development, instead of what it was: an intentional felony and attempt to kidnap. Since Obama and Eric Holder did nothing, does this mean that I can put out a bounty on Spike Lee’s head? Can the NRA put out a million- dollar bounty on the Black Panthers? If it’s legal for them, it must be legal for everyone, right?—
Joe Biden just came out with the statement: “Bin Laden is dead, General Motors is alive.” What he fails to mention is that it really doesn’t matter that GM is alive to the United States citizens. In the future, the U.S. auto companies will put most of their new plants in Mexico and China, not the U.S. GM has announced investments of $3.67 billion in Mexico since November 2007. GM has closed five U.S. based assembly plant and put three more on standby. The plain fact is, JOE— the U.S. will lose 65 percent of the automobile market in the next decade.
Did you know that the Japanese consumed 80 percent of BlueFin Tuna, a 500-pound fish grown in the Gulf of Mexico? Bluefins only spawns in the Gulf of Mexico and the Mediterranean, but due to the oil spill, and the stock in the Mediterranean being depleted, Mitsubishi is starting to buy from Australia and they have to repackage it, because the Japs considered Australia’s Bluefin…inferior. Nobody Knows why the Japanese are such Bluefin ftuna lovers, and why they don’t like Australia’s Bluefin..but then again, Nobody Cares.
Nobody Remembers that 1848 was a strange year: Karl Marx published the Communist Manifesto, the first women’s rights convention was held at Seneca Falls, NY,(coincidence?) Wisconsin became the 30th state, Mexico was given $15 million for California, Nevada, Texas, Utah, New Mexico and Arizona, parts of Colorado and Wyoming: and the cornerstone was laid at the Washington monument. And all of that was overshadowed by the discovery of gold in California.
La Raza’s thinks America “stole” the territory, nevertheless we did pay Mexico fair and square. But $15 million is nothing compared to what we pay and have paid in welfare to the illegal Mexican citizens that we now support. If the Mexicans want it back: let them buy it back with interest.
We are facing economic disasters and a dangerous President who is grasping power without Congressional approval, and what is the Congress doing? Investigating steroid use in baseball players. Obama COULD have had a great joke about that last night at the dinner last night, but he chose instead to make dog eating jokes. Nobody’s Perfect. And speaking of imperfections…
Did you know that David Axelrod, another Obama advisor, was born to a mother who wrote for a communist newspaper in New York City? Well, now you do.
John McCain was on Charlie Rose last week, talking like Attila the Hun. Nobody Thinks that Mitt Romney might just pick him to be Secretary of Defense the way he was going on. He was upset that we weren’t bombing Syria, and Iran, and North Korea, and probably Miami. Nobody Wishes he would retire to some Swiss Mountain villa with Hillary and go get stoned. Really. And speaking of Hillary:
Sal Alinksy wasn’t only Hillary’s mentor he was Obama’s too:
For it was Alinsky who spent his life teaching would-be radicals (like Obama) that you can say what you have to say to get over the hump, but once you’re over the hump, you do whatever you want to do. In other words, it’s okay to present yourself as something moderate, even centrist, for the purposes of securing power, and once you’ve secured that power it is perfectly acceptable to revert to who (and what) you really are. In Rules for Radicals, Alinsky demonstrates this with a look at how Vladimir Lenin was able to overthrow the government in pre-communist Russia:
Which is why at the White House dinner, Obama could joke about NOT being born a citizen, and how he loves to eat dog, and the many other things he knows we can’t touch him on. He figures…He can go on promoting his Marxist/Alinky power because…he’s over the Hump
Now, watch if you feel like it…the United States’ President, humping the dogs like Eddie Murphy at the Dogtown Oscars.
OMG…I’m on information overload. Hopefully you won’t care if I dump this stuff right here, in no particular order:
1. Obama just made a speech and blamed the bankers for loaning money to people who couldn’t possibly find the money to pay for a house. All those poor Mexicans who couldn’t speak English, and those poor black people who can’t read…were ROBBED! He wants to help them.
What he didn’t say was that it was Janet Reno who threatened jail time and fines if the banks didn’t go out and do this. Obama is really good at lying. And making more promises for free stuff.
2. Michelle Obama is on the campaign trail. She was on Leno, and Rachel Ray, sounding so sweet about how much she loves “serving” the people and helping them get healthy.
Pass the salt, I’m throwing it over my shoulder.
3. McCain’s daughter “Rebecca of Sunny Brook Farm” NBC pundit, CANDY McCAIN (I call her Candy because she has a head of cotton) called Newt “selfish.” I can’t wait to hear what she says about Rick Santorum. He will be, “religious.” Candy needs to work on her vocabulary.
4. Carl Rove was so ecstatic that Mitt’s great piggy bank of wealth is going to beat everyone out of the elections, he practically dropped his little chalk board: an idea he stole from Glenn Beck, but when Karl writes on his little chalkboard, he looks like a father trying to tell his 2-year old he really knows what he is talking about: one plus one is five.
5. Muhammad, was really just another big thug in history. In the raid at Khaybar, (an oasis in the desert inhabited by Jews) he went in and slaughtered the Jewish warriors (took the women and children) and took the gold and silver. He always looted everything he attacked. He was big on torture, like lighting fires on chests. (I’m trying to vision this one, but what…did they use wood? Chest hair? ) The more I read about the guy, the more of just another evil ruler thug he becomes. He made up his own importance by saying “Oh..Allah talks to me! I am your chosen one…so says Gabriel!”
6. Politicians all break promises, but they say them to get elected. Daddy Bush’s famous “read my lips, no new taxes” (okay, that was after he was President) was followed up by what his son, George W. said while he was running for President
“I don’t think our troops ought to be used for what’s called nation building. I mean, we’re going to have a kind of nation building crops from America? Absolutely not.” Remember that while listening to Mitt.
7. Beethoven music teacher called him hopeless as a composer. Thomas Edison’s teachers said he was too stupid to learn anything. Henry Ford went broke five times before he succeeded. If you go by this record, there IS still hope for many of us.
8. The President can now execute without a trial anyone he considers a terrorist. Uh…so what is Obama’s definition of a “terrorist”? He won’t even release his college records, how are we going to find this out?
9. Some people TRAIN their dogs, other, like me, like to have them be their own natural selves, and yet, I’m not sure what this means. Does this mean that the people who train their dogs are actually smarter? Do the people who don’t teach tricks to their dogs have a harder time? (yes, yes) And is it because they are lazy because it takes a LOT of time to train a dog? What is the purpose of tricks? Does the dog really like to do the trick, as well as getting the treat? And if your too lazy to train your dogs to do tricks does that mean you just like the entertainment of the simple enjoyment of letting them be dogs? Isn’t that the same as teaching a dog to “sit up” just simple entertainment? I’m working on this one. The psychological meaning of why some people work hours to train their dog….to obey…or not.
10. All day long I’m taking in political information: I listen to the radios, watch the channels, read the latest books, think, rethink, debate myself on all the different views, and years ago I came to the conclusions that Mitt Romney was going to be the next pick by the Republicans for Presidents on the most absurd and unscientific reasoning of all. Body language.
(Although some, like Bill O’Reilly swear that it’s a science, and true.)
I remember the exact moment in time and the a look on his face. He was standing in the background waiting for the announcement of the nomination for President, in 2008, and McCain won. I will NEVER forget his look. It was “But they promised me! What?”
Now, I’m only human. I was as surprised about his look because it seemed obvious to everyone (but Mitt) that McCain was going to be the pick. And yet…he was shocked.
Many times I have suspected, after reading, and listening, and thinking, and reading more, that there really is a power class that can decide on who THEY want to be president, and make it happen. Many of these “candidates” go to China, secret meetings,(Bilderberg) as if they are being vetted, not by the American people, but by some secret global oligarchy. The secret oligarchy in the EU is now, not so secret, they are grabbing whole countries to take over. Obama just gave another trillion to help the EU.
The system is rigged. But, they must keep up the illusions: so we have the American “YOU pick the candidate..YOU!YOU! YOU!” contests and …surprise! The people always lose.
11. Having said that, I’m waiting for the robot to be invented that can go grocery shopping for me. I refuse to pay $40 dollars for a turkey, but I keep hoping…by the time they go on sale, the turkey I get will give me food poisoning.
I’ve had it before…and survived. I’m ready. Are you?
Thanks…I needed to unload.
Nobody watched Obama’s speech today. At least, half of it… anymore and I would have needed two cases of Red Bull. Here’s the problem.:If you are not a well read person, and you get all your news from TV…you would have thought that most of Obama’s BS, about how nothing is his fault but the other parties, actually had some truth to it. Obama doesn’t talk to us like adults, he talks down to everyone. And this Nobody wants to know who is writing this guy’s speeches. Anyway, here’s short summary.
What did Obama tell the nation in his speech today?
Obama— Now, children: I am going to protect you from those big evil banks. When there is an unfairness in any business, trust me, I will be there to save the American people from outlandish fees that the banks are putting on every single poor citizen in this country.
KID— But, my daddy says the reason he can’t buy me that new video game is because the government takes too much taxes out of his paycheck? Is the bank taking money out too?
Obama— Well no, but the bank did some things that were…not nice. LEGAL, but not very nice.
KID—My mommy said that they should have gone to jail.
Obama— Well, we can’t do anything about that, but if my new jobs bill is passed, your daddy and mommy will never have to drive over that scary bridge every morning. You like that don’t you?
KIDS—What’s wrong with the bridge?
Obama—Every single bridge in America is falling apart kids. Your daddy or mommy might fall off those bridges some day and have to go to the hospital.
KID— My daddy says that we don’t have the money to build new bridges.
Obama— Well, if we pass this new jobs bill, we will…we’ve already figured out a way to pay for it!
Obama: Yes, your mommy and daddy will pay for it, by the fact that, with the new rules under the EPA, under my guidance, we will have to necessarily raise all the utility bills. The good news is, we won’t have to borrow from China!
Obama: Any more questions?
KID: Uh…mommy says solar panels don’t work, is that true?
Obama: Well, that’s just nonsense…of course they do. In fact in my jobs plan we will give billions of dollars to new companies in order for us to compete with China who is already beyond us in this field. We don’t want that to happen, do we? Have China be better than us in new energy?
Obama: We’ve already been there sweetheart.
KID: Daddy says you sent guns to the Mexicans.
Obama: No, I did not. But, I did kill Osama bin Laden.
KID: But, the guns might come over here and hurt us.
Obama: I don’t want you to be scared about that. We are going to deport all the illegal’s who are criminals from our country. And also, Hillary Clinton ..has signed a small arms treaty with the United Nations to protect all American from guns. We will be gathering all the dangerous guns up in the very near future…so that you won’t have to worry.
KIDs: Mr. President: Can I still eat a cupcake?
Obama: Sure you can…just don’t get fat! Uh any more questions?
KID: Are Republicans mean?
Obama: Well…in a way they are. They are keeping teachers and firemen from getting back their old jobs. And every time I try to do something they block me. And that means, they are blocking the voice of the American people because kids, we live in a democracy, and you know what that means?
Obama: it means that whoever won the election gets to rule. And I won.
Obama: Now, before I go…can anyone tell me what I am saying here? (points to picture of himself in book)
One KID jumps up and down with his hand held high…
KID: You’re saying CUPCAKES for everyone if we pass the jobs bill!
Obama: Well, yes I am.
(Obama turns to his aid and whispers: “Give that kid a gold star, and invite him to my next State of the Union. I want to use him in that infomercial…What happened to that damn dog? Didn’t I tell you to get Bo here for this thing? Well go take the plane and get him!
It’s almost here, the tenth anniversary of 9/11. We will be watching the horrible pictures of the Twin Towers being destroyed again and again, with enough footage to make your heart-break all over, again and again.
I was searching through the video’s of 9/11 memorials, when I came across this one. Made by some people who wanted to give a few pictures of their talented dogs. And why not? It made me laugh…no disrespect to those that lost loved ones and will suffer forever…it was just a small token of appreciation from a couple of nobodies and their dogs…to the soldiers overseas.
Here it is ten years after, and the damage from that day never seems to end. In fact, you could almost say, we not only lost a couple of buildings that day filled with thousands of people, we lost our future. We have given up cherished freedoms for safety and yet we are told that we are still vulnerable. The scars from that day will last a lifetime and the money spent on trying to change all the Muslims Nations is bankrupting us along with everything else. Nobody will wonder if America elected Barack Hussein Obama to show how magnanimous a people we really are.
Whatever you may think about whether the buildings coming down were staged, or how it happened, one fact sticks out like a rubber ducky in a bathtub: Our leaders had plenty of warning, and did nothing. Their incompetence was almost criminal. I was listening to the pilot of Air Force One today who said they got all their facts from the cable news (on the plane) on 9/11. Do you buy that?
I don’t. Just like I wouldn’t buy that lady in the video doesn’t really love that dog.
After we were attacked, Bush sounded very bullish, went to Iraq, and fought a politically correct war. Today he has come out BEFORE the speech this weekend, to remind us all that he deserve the credit for the capture of bin Laden, so that Obama doesn’t take it away from him for eternity.
Sad, but that’s politics.
And nobody is sadder than the people who lost love ones that day. And— Nobody is mad that so many people voted for a man after 9/11 who insisted on keeping his Muslim name, after so many people had died at the hands of Allah.
What… an…insult. What idiots.
We have all heard, that in this day of mourning, God and his clergy will not be allowed to take part this year in the ceremonies. Firefighters are not welcomed, police are not welcomed, the families will be kept far away… but you can bet every politician in D.C. will be there, saying, “God bless America.”
Will Obama speak in Arabic? Will he talk of the peaceful people that he knows and loves? Will he talk about the great religion of Islam? It’s been ten years…where are they? Obama has made 9/11 a day of “service” but you know and I know, that to all of us that still have the grace that God gave us, it will always be a day of prayer.
I plan to watch this video at least a few times more, and I will be thinking of our President….whose dog days, (I will pray with all my heart and every doggie leap) …are numbered.
Nobody’s Opinion: Here we go again: Katia the hurricane is heading for New Orleans. Really, the nerve. She should have gone to Texas, because about right now, you could do a fast quick-step in the dirt, cause a spark, and burn down half of Dallas it’s so dry. New Orleans doesn’t need more mud on Bourbon Street, the participation from urination will keep it wet well through 2050.
But, we live in the world of “Hurry up and make it sound ominously like the end.” I realized that we are getting minute by minute updates on disasters, storms, debt crisis, and terrorists, and it’s becoming annoying. I get extremely overly excited when I see a puppy commercial now because I’m getting so desperate for something normal to come on TV.
“Look…Look…a puppy! A puppy!”
I’m not proud of this, but I figure it’s not my fault. I’m becoming Armageddon challenged.
I was pretty scared by Kim’s Kardashian’s wedding myself. I find myself praying that she would NOT bear children. Can you just imagine their children? What is he…six feet fourteen? Mixed that with 64tripleD boobs…we are talking a whole new species. The planet doesn’t have that much room.
I was thinking about the fear factor today, and how the news is ALWAYS bad, and decided to make a list of all the things I’m suppose to fear from both parties, in order to get a logical perspective:
1. Take it from Daryl Hanna: if you burn oil in your car, you are destroying the very water, food, and air that you breath. If a pipeline is built down through the United States from Canada, it will spill into the aqueducts and kill all the poor illegal’s in New Mexico, who will be drinking it out of the local desert spigots. I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty dire.
The fact that those tanks from Fema that are meant to protect DreamWorks won’t be needed anymore because the sheer volume of oil, if it should happen to escape the pipeline, will destroy Los Angeles, along with Steven’s famous props from JAWS.
Almost makes you want to give Daryl a big hug. Go ahead guys. She probably hasn’t had a good hug since John-John left her for that other blond.
AND MORE Pollution:
2. Al Gore is right. He won, and the earth lost because Al did not become President and therefore we have to close down all the parks in California, so that the Bohemian Grove can fit more people in it this year. Obama is bringing his whole tribe from Kenya, and they need to build more tents. In fact he plans to leave them there. That’s why they have to close the parks to the public. God forbid they wander into the Redwood forest and find drunk Kenyan’s roasting Mexicans.
The rich this year have so much discuss: Basically, how do they keep the banks printing enough money so that Fannie and Freddie can give more homes to Obama’s new arrivals, and kept their bonuses coming on strong? And …should they let Janet Napolitano dress in drag this year?
3. The poor illegal immigrants must get amnesty, or America is doomed. As Bill Clinton warned, without new young Nino’s, wino’s and Nina’s, those guys in DC will have to take less. Besides, they are starving, and if that tea party doesn’t let them in, then we just won’t kick them out. If we have no more gardeners, fruit pickers and welfare recipients, the country will just collapse. After all, politicians have a lot of pools to clean.
4. Most important on of all, we need to protect the gays. If we DONT protect the gays, then who will the women turn to when those mean, nasty, and chauvinistic men divorce them? There are so many starving children in the world, and if we have more gays adopting, we can truly have a diversified America. The future of the world depends on it.
5. The tea party people are going to destroy the planet. They must die. They are old, and hopefully they will die, because they have planned to lynch the blacks. In fact, every black should start circling around the banks because that’s where the tea party people have their money. The blacks have no jobs because tea party people think the racist Constitution is something they want to save. Good thing they have a black President to point that out.
6. Sarah Palin, might run for President. If that happens, progressives will have to move for real.
4., 5., 6, Obama.
Okay, what more can he do?
And most importantly, what can we do?
I suggest, we replace all Democrats with puppies. I’m at a loss for logical solutions.
Nobody NOTES: Okay, they are using the fear factor to bring us to our knees every day, but there is ONE fear that happened to really work. When the American people found out that Obama supported a Mosque being built right by ground zero, they got really mad. I’m not making this up. All of a sudden the thought of Texans walking down fifth avenue sent the snobs on Martha’s Vineyard into a real tizzy.
SUDDENLY, a new building appeared out of thin air… after ten long years of nothing, and it’s reported on every single day by Fox News. As if to say…”Okay! Okay! Calm down! We are building something—.jeez!
But…just don’t pray there.”
Maybe we should replace all Muslims with puppies too. The planet would thank us.
(Nobody notes: Please, before you think I hate all Muslims, it’s the religion stupid, not the people.)
This is the kind of tenacity we need. Let’s send Gus to Washington.
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive. ~Gilda Radner
—that I’m a big dog fan…and therefore my problem: it seems my dogs are not normal. I have decided this after watching the Westminster Dog Show last week. Dog lovers all over the country wait every year for it…the Westminster Dog Show in New York. We grab our popcorn, and aaah, and ooooh…and cuss out all the snobby looking judges who in our own mind, ALWAYS pick the ugliest one of the bunch. And this year was like all years before…it was really fun to watch.
“Wow…how long did THAT take to comb? Can you imagine the hair?”
Oh please…where’s Al Gore when you need him?
A memory I could live without.