Just how far hypocrisy can go…
For instance, Better Midler just tweeted:
Gee. Bette Midler is alarmed that global warming is killing off our birds.
Notice how she fails to mention that global warming Windmills are the real reason birds are being killed off—
And since liberals HATE that symbol of American patriotism, the bald eagle is being slaughtered by Windmills. Bald Eagles are rather BIG birds. You would think the “passionate about birds deaths Bette Midler” would comprehend the massacre that is occurring, and just how long it took to bring the eagle OFF the endangered species list, and may I add, by hundreds of good citizens who worked very hard at it, and YET, it’s Obama and his friends that don’t care about birds. Nope, I guess Obama figures the symbol of American exceptionalism just has to go.
Energy facilities in 10 states have killed at least 85 golden and bald eagles since 1997, says a new government study. Just in the last five years, wind farms have killed at least 67 eagles, but the figure could be much higher, the study says.
So bug off Bette: You want to save the birds? Take down those windmills. Go sing. And by the way–what poor bird had to die to make that hat?
Every day I watch my local weather guy, and every day Mr. Murry gives the temperature. If it’s 102, he’ll be quick to say, but that’s not the record…the record was set in 1913 when it was 112. I know what he’s doing: He’s telling us all that he doesn’t really believe in all this global warming panic. Because you see, unlike Al Gore and Leo De Crappio, Mr. Murry is an actual meteorologist.
It doesn’t matter how hot it gets, there is always another day in history, BEFORE rich elites were flying around the world in their jets attending global warming meetings, where it was actually hotter.
Weather has ALWAYS been extreme, but you’d never know it by the media hysteria that they are getting back into would you?
To all the liberal heated hearts out there, extreme weather has just started. Every little thunderstorm sends them them running for cover, and hovering over their candles.
A FLOOD! A FIRE! A THUNDERSTORM! TORNADO! Wow!—– When has that ever happened? What’s this world coming to?
I remember when I was just a kid in Naples, Florida, when Hurricane Donna hit. The winds got up to over 200 mph, and nobody thought that global warming caused it. We all were amazed that the little shacks that held the hobo’s stood up, while the rich mansions on the beaches were destroyed.
Why is that? Because the hobo’s KNEW not to build your house on the beach. All of them built huts miles from shore. (Not that the rich would have let them on the beach, and I know I could go into a great philosophical discussions about this, but I won’t you lucky person.)
But, yesterday, all over the world, the very organized liberal Chicken Little’s got their buses out, and came out in force. Yes—like gathering minnows in a pond after a storm, they all came out to protest our leaders for not handling the earth’s weather.
God forbid they have to weather another storm.
From Huffington Post:
“Organizers said some 550 busloads had arrived for the rally, (think of all the carbon emissions that caused) which followed similar events in 166 countries including Britain, France, Afghanistan (Afghanistan?) and Bulgaria.
“Today I am marching for my children. I am marching so they can live in a world without worrying about the next big storm destroying their community,” said Bill Aristovolus, the superintendent of an apartment building in New York City’s working-class Bronx borough.
Well, it won’t matter if a big storm hits the Bronx, Bill, they will be walking through the rain, doing without electricity, living off food stamps, because they won’t be able to afford to buy food, it will be so high.
What? Why do you think your hamburger costs so much? Thanks to the global climate wacko’s our politicians started trying to ‘wean’ us off oil. So, George W. decided to take 40 percent of our corn and make it into ethanol. What a wonderful idea! That made the corn and feed for the guy raising cattle skyrocket, and guess who he passed that along to?
YOU! Obama closed down most of our coal plants. That means your electric bill went up.
Yes, you are saving the world…feel better now?
And Obama’s not done yet—-
“On Tuesday, the Obama administration announced industry and government commitments to replace HFCs, the super-potent heat-trapping chemicals used in air conditioning, refrigeration, and insulation. This will speed the transition to next-generation technologies that use safer chemicals and less energy. And this fall the EPA is due to decide new standards to reduce the extraordinary leakage of methane — another potent climate change pollutant — from the oil and gas industry.”
God bless the EPA, the IRS, the NSA, all those little arms of the President that gives him the power to make laws WITHOUT Congress. Obama doesn’t have to worry about the temperature reading in the White House basketball court now does he?
But, the weather is getting colder, not warmer. Okay, so California is in a draught, but it’s been in one before. NOBODY looks at historical weather records anymore do they?
Face it: The Al Gore rising seas, the dying of the planet, the ice caps melting…none of that happened. They had to change global warming to climate change, because last winter the whole planet froze. People were putting their beer in the snow, because it was actually colder than their fridge.
But…when you’re a liberal trying to get the evil oil producers off the planet so YOU can make YOUR fortune on windmills, you have to come up with some other disaster besides…heat.
And they have. Now, not only is the earth heating up, but the earth is the reason…hold on…it’s going to be hard to comprehend——
The warm weather is WHY we have diseases.
Read this from Margaret Chan:
“Many of the world’s most worrisome diseases have transmission cycles that are profoundly shaped by conditions of heat and humidity and patterns of rainfall. As one important example, malaria parasites and the mosquitoes that transmit them are highly sensitive to climate variability, which has been repeatedly linked to epidemics
Climate variables contribute to natural disasters, with their related population displacements, lost livelihoods, destroyed infrastructures, and conditions of crowding and filth that favor explosive outbreaks of disease. diarrhea diseases, the second biggest killer of young children, flourish under such conditions.”
Wow. News alert. Did you know that the weather in Africa makes it prone for disease? And this is WHOSE fault? If those people can’t figure out how to build a water system and toilet, does that really mean that I should pay more for my gas?
No…like clockwork these men MEAN to control the planet and scaring people has always worked..so they are bringing out their biggest guns: Al Gore, Leo Decrapio, Obama, Huffington Post, and the one and only…
Just as Sunday’s big People’s Climate March and next week’s UN global summit on climate converge here in New York City, the nation and world are experiencing weather of an intensity that should rattle the stubborn false convictions of even the most fervent climate change denier.
Terrible flooding in India and Pakistan, the worst in more than a century, with heavy monsoon rains, 500 lives lost and hundreds of thousands left stranded… thousands of wildfires ignited by severe drought in California and the West… flash floods in Arizona… the punch of a hurricane pounding Mexico’s Baja coast, the strongest in nearly 50 years, battering locals and trapping tourists in their hotels without electricity.
There you go. If you put millions of people in a city right next to a river, you are bound to lose that house. My advice…move your house.
Frankly, I think the world just wobbled a bit, as it tends to do, the sun is doing its thing, and whenever I listen to my favorite weatherman, I often think of Albert who pretty much sums up how I feel about the whole deal:
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the
universe.”― Albert Einstein
UPDATE: It was now being said that over 400,000 people showed up to protest in New York. Don’t you wonder who paid for all those free lunches and buses?
Al Gore said that by now, the Antarctic would have completely melted, and Florida, along with the lost chads of Al Gore, would be sunk in a sea of rising (and no doubt very cold) arctic water.
BUT…that hasn’t happened, instead it’s actually gaining ice!
The amount of Antarctic sea ice is at record levels this year, but scientists insists that doesn’t disprove global warming. Satellite images show that almost 12.5 million square miles of sea ice surrounds the continent. That’s the largest amount since records have been kept in the early 1970s. “That is roughly double the size of the Antarctic continent and about three times the size of Australia,” Jan Lieser of the Antarctic Climate and Ecosystems Cooperative Research Centre told ABC. The discovery was made late last week.
But, never fear, the global warming believers have found a global warming answer for that:
They say the sea ice is actually growing around Antarctica because stronger winds, caused by global warming, are facilitating the process by which sea ice is made. The ice is made in “sea ice factories” called polynias.
Yes. I would like to visit these sea ice factories, wouldn’t you? I have no doubt they are being run by the evil Koch brothers who are changing under-minimum wages to Salvadorians to produce this ice that is destroying the democratic dreams of domination.
We can only hope and pray global warming scientists don’t read any Michael Crichton books, because they might get the idea to actually set blasts of dynamite in that manufactured ice, and set a chunk of ice bigger than Australia out to crash into that lovely country.
Any woman that can cause liberal David Wassermen to say that she is the most frightening candidate he’s met in 7 years, DESERVES a metal!
He is so upset about Lenar Whitney getting into Congress, he is writing columns in the Washington Post trying to warn the American people.
But guess what David? Lenar is not the only one out there calling out the fraud. Nobody Thinks —- the fact that she bugs you, is cause for MY celebration.
So, Congratulations Lenar! You win the Nobody’s Fool Award for the week.
We need another truth fighter in Congress, so keep up the good work!
Polar Bears VS The Progressive
First, let’s start with the Polar Bear—
Ever since Teddy Roosevelt had the Teddy Bear named after him, America has loved her bears. This was caused by the fact that every single child in America took a cute cuddly Teddy Bear to bed with them. Thanks to Teddy, toy manufacturing millionaires florist overnight until this day, when you can actually go into your local mall and design your own bears to take to bed with you.
(I’d advise getting the child a stuffed Statue of Liberty Teddy Bear, but that’s me.)
The Chinese took notice and made the Panda it’s national symbol. Chinese kids were going to bed with cute little panda dolls. Russia too, wanted to be known as, “THE BEAR.”
So, when progressive Al Gore sounded the alarm about the polar bears dying at the North Pole because global warming was melting the ice, we all ran to our teddy bears and sobbed.
Well, Okay, I didn’t. But I KNOW Prince Charles did.
And then, the pictures were flashed all over the globe: The poor polar bear was stranded on ice…starving!
Forget that polar bears are excellent swimmers. Forget the fact that less ice is GOOD for polar bears because there are more fat seals to find and eat since they feed well into the summer, too much ice means less seals. And forget the fact that there are more polar bears on the planet now, then there has ever been recorded.
And here’s where the progressives extinction comes into play.
Progressives forget that global temperatures have not risen in the last 16 years, AND that the Antarctica is growing exponentially. Therefore, logic says, the polar bears are just fine and a lot smarter than your average progressive.
Progressive cannot figure out that global warming is a hoax to pull on that emotional little kid that is deep in us all, going back to our childhood. We want to protect our Teddy’s.
Who were cuddly and NEVER ate us.
So, who will go extinct first? The polar bear, or the progressive liberal? Which ones survival instinct is more intact?
I don’t know about you, but I’m rooting for the polar bear. The progressive will be long gone, and the polar bear will still be eating fat seals and not the least concerned about any of us.
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinion, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” ——–
Climate change: Last week Kerry and Obama both spoke about what they believe a more dire threat to the United States than the invasion of the welfare snatchers. And when did this idea hit our global elites?
Aurelio Peccei said in the organization’s 1991 publication, The First Global Revolution:
In searching for a new enemy to unite us, we came up with the idea that pollution, the threat of global warming, water shortages, famine, and the like would fit the bill. All for these are caused by human intervention, The real enemy then, is humanity itself. “
And so it was decided to bombard our schools, our universities, our airwaves with the threat of…ourselves.
Nobody Remembers one man who helped fuel the manufactured panic call global warming
From “Human Race Get off Your Knees”
The desperation to avoid the fact that temperatures have been falling has led to the figures being doctored by NASA’s Goddard Institute for Space Studies. This is headed by another close Al Gore Associate, Dr. James Hansen, the man who has been called the father of climate change’ but should really be called ‘the father of the dodgy data that fueled the myth of climate change. Hansen’s NASA institute announced that October 2008 was the hottest on record and yet the experience across the world was of very cold weather and heavy snowstorms. When the obvious inaccuracy of the NASA figures was questioned it turned out that they had used the figures from the warmer month of September and said they were for October. This is highly relevant because the figures published by Hansen’s Institute provide some of the prime data used by the IPCC to support its line about global warming and they have consistently claimed higher temperatures than other figures. I wonder why? It’s not the first time Hansen has been called out either.
In 2007 he was forced to accept that his claim that the 1990s was the hottest decade of the 20th century wasn’t true. The hottest decade was the 1930s when there was dramatically less carbon dioxide being produced.
The good news? The planet is a miracle. Even though man has detonated thousands of atomic bombs all over it, somehow, it manages to survive. Sure, we do major damage in many areas, but in the scale of the planet…please.
The bad news? Politicians will fudge any data, hide any statistics (including keeping separate accounting books with real numbers) in order to get what they want:
Complete control over everything.
In the meantime, excuse me. It’s gloriously hot today, and I’m going swimming.
If you want to know who is at the top of the ‘crony capitalistic pig’ bozo tree…he’s come out again.
The soon to be King of England, Prince Charles, who, in front of a meeting with all his powerful, rich, elite buddies, just warned them that if they didn’t act like the tyrants they were all meant to be, the world would collapse:
“… We can choose to act now before it is finally too late, using all of the power and influence that each of you can bring to bear to create an inclusive, sustainable and resilient society,” he said in a speech in London to a conference entitled Inclusive Capitalism.
He added: “There will, of course, be hard choices to make, and, take it from me, in the short term, you will not be popular with your peers, but if you stand firm and take the kind of action that is needed, I have every confidence the rewards will be immense.”
“Rewards will be immense.” No kidding. They all are in line to make trillions.
Prince Charles is right…the regular Nobody on the street is going to be furious at the government of the world forcing us little nobodies into more slavery and loss of property.
And then when billions parish from hunger…and the world’s climate hasn’t changed, what will they say then? “Oh, we did what was right.”
Not to let Prince Charles get all the limelight, in the U. S. we have our own village idiot. John Kerry is carrying on the fine tradition of leaders scaring the masses to death to get MORE money and to control them.
“And I know it’s hard to feel the urgency as we sit here on an absolutely beautiful morning in Boston,’ Kerry said, ‘you might not see climate change as an immediate threat to your job, your communities or your families.
‘But let me tell you, it is.’
If the U.S. does not act, ‘and it turns out that the critics and the naysayers and the members of the Flat Earth Society – if it turns out that they’re wrong, then we are risking nothing less than the future of the entire planet,’ Kerry told graduates of the Massachusetts college and their families.”
Personally, I prefer the “Alien have landed and we must unit to save the world!” fear story that Bill Clinton would prefer, but that’s me.
In the meantime, the royal family continues to flash just how low-class they really are:
What? Kate can’t afford to buy underwear? Has Global Warming made her just to hot to bear wearing clothes?
Does she need a bigger butt?
Until England falls into the sea, at least we can be assured of more Royal Family shenanigans making us all wonder….Maybe the mudbloods should take over.
Since I am a “night” person, I had CPAN on last night and heard some pretty incredible statements by democrats, trying to get us all excited about ‘saving’ the planet
“We have an obligation to pass on the earth to our children. It’s not going to be free.”
I love this. Democrats feel NO obligation whatsoever in their children’s future economic welfare, passing onto their children a $17 trillion dollar debt, or their educational future—passing on an educational system that isn’t even as good as the one in Estonia, passing on dying cities whose infrastructures are crumbling, passing on a bi-lingual nation, passing on an unprotected nation, and one daily more in dire danger from outside attacks from our enemies because they are too busy monitoring citizens, passing on a heath systems which will kill millions, passing on a nation with no jobs dependent forever on the state..
.BUT, they care deeply about the earth.
Senator Jeff Merkley actually claimed that
“Our winters are not as bad as they used to be”
Since Jeff is from Oregon, and this winter, Niagara Falls, AND all the lakes above Michigan froze solid, Nobody Wonders where e Jeff spends most of his time.
The US must lead this new “Save our planet” by paying for it through our electric bills. Sure, China is polluting, but if we would lead, he is SURE the rest of the world will follow! Also, he had fires in his state, because of global warming. Forgetting to mention that the National Forest Service does not take care of the Forests anymore, and we have lots of arsonist starting fires, and Obama makes sure that he controls the water to put out these fires, and won’t let them HAVE any water, as he did in Arizona.
Senator Christophe Coons of Delaware said that he took his kids on vacation last year, to see some glazers and it broke their little hearts when the glazier had been melting, and that’s why sea levels are rising!
Hey, it breaks my heart every year when I can’t take my family on vacation—ANYWHERE due to the poor economy. I would take a melting glazier any day of the week, and I promise, everyone in the family would be excited.
More Congressmen came onto the floor, and they punched it up: Military bases will be closed due to FLOODS! AND they will be stretched to the limit because its our military that goes all over the world to save people in climate disasters, people in Bangladesh will DIE! Companies are DEMANDING global warming taxes! Something must be done. ( I was waiting for somebody to mention chemtrails, but nobody did.)
And then, this morning, saving the planet was put on hold. Everything was forgotten because Diane Feinstein was pissed off because the CIA was spying on HER!
Something tells me, climate change is NOT going to be a subject on the democratic ticket in the upcoming elections. Our poor children will have to suffer, because the democrats care so much more about…
And if Diane Feinstein thinks we care about her problem…I suggest she get herself a water bottle and squirt it on her face.
You wouldn’t see Steve Jobs telling people if they do not believe in global warming, don’t buy Apple stock because he thinks you’re stupid. After all, China is the biggest polluter on the planet and that’s where Apple makes all their glorious Apple products, and do you think Apple would personally see that those factories are ‘green’?
(Do YOU want to brush your teeth in the shower like Jennifer Anderson?)
What? Only the rich, elite, snobby, wacko’s will be able to profit from your IPHONE purchase?
Talk about class warfare.
Now, Apple has a new buddy in the green movement, Richard the “Virgin” Branson.
Virgin CEO Richard Branson said that those who are skeptical of man-made global warming should “get out of our way,” joining the ranks of CEOs lashing out against those opposed to business investments in “sustainability.”
Branson made his remarks in the wake of Apple CEO Tim Cook’s telling global warming skeptics to “get out of this stock” if they did not agree with the company’s green investment strategy. Cook made his comments after being confronted by a free-market activist who pressed him on putting the environment ahead of profitable investments .
Can we tell Richard to GROUND all his air polluting airplanes? Can we stay he is sucking the life out of our planet and to please get off it? What happened to your polluting space ships Richard? Not doing so well is it?
This is all a very well connected war plan with the very rich elitist Marxists, who want to rob even MORE of your money for their own pockets. Just think, Apple could start charging you a carbon tax on your IPHONE, and Mr. Virgin could tack a fee on your airline ticket, you dirty polluting pig of a customer.
This Nobody suggests we tax the hot air coming out of these hypocritical elites blowhards.
Until they practice what they preach, and give ALL their profits to save the planet, they can go suck a duck and stop trying to kill ours.
By the way, Branson’s statement conveniently came out just before the big U.S. SENATE marathon on climate change. They want Obama to do an executive order for the planet…otherwise carbon taxes will never pass.
Not to mention—Obama VS Putin has just got to be taken off the daily news.
But It seems there is good news…finally. Despite the years of chicken little Al Gore and his various university puppets screaming for us all to go back into the dark ages, with our candles and walking sticks, there is now evidence that the Antarctic is actually getting colder;
The news appears in the latest SciencExpress, and it shows that the vast majority of the Antarctic landmass is rapidly gaining ice and snow cover. Obviously this moisture comes from the sea. And, being deposited in solid form on the land-way-down-under, this lowers the earth’s sea level. For instance, most of Antarctica has actually been cooling for the past couple of decades (see here for more details). And now comes word that the snow and ice cover over large portions of Antarctica has been increasing, leading to a drawdown of global sea level.
This means Florida will NOT disappear anytime soon, sorry Al. (I have a few lots to sell…any takers?)
WASHINGTON — Wind energy facilities have killed at least 67 golden and bald eagles in the last five years, but the figure could be much higher, according to a new scientific study by government biologists. cluster of wind farms in a northern California area known as Altamont Pass. Wind farms built there decades ago kill more than 60 per year.
The eagle was almost extinct back in the 70’s—-but due to some very talented and dedicated nature lovers they were bought BACK from the brink…only to face extinction again by the same people who ironically used pictures of Polar Bears stranded on Ice to promote global warmng so that Al Gore and his friends go set up a really nifty way to collect MORE money, by promoting Wind Energy. And it’s not just the Eagles that are getting cut up. Thousands of other birds being smashed by Windmills, on daily basis.
Nobody Wins when political hacks use faulty science to back their claims that mankind is causing the seas to rise, just so they can collect more taxes.
And Nobody Wins, when they refuse to tell the world that what actually might be coming…is another ice age, which is MUCH worse. The Polar Bears are going to be fine. The rest of us…well…..let’s just say we will long for the day when we could actually get OUT of our driveways.
But…if you live in Arizona…I’m pretty sure you’re safe. Seattle? Not so much. I suggest you start moving now.
Nobody Get Email
Wow! History shows that this global warming has been around before!
Yesterday, we found out why Michelle Obama can’t stay in the White House. Today, we found out why Obama hasn’t been helping the middle class, even though he says in every speech, all he cares about is the middle class.
It seems Obama thinks middle class people will destroy the earth: Here’s what he said at the University of Johannesburg-Soweto on Saturday. right before he announced his plans for a ‘sustainable’ African energy strategy.
“Ultimately, if you think about all the youth that everybody has mentioned here in Africa, if everybody is raising living standards to the point where everybody has got a car and everybody has got air conditioning, and everybody has got a big house, well, the planet will boil over — unless we find new ways of producing energy.”
Okay, is Obama a racist because he doesn’t want the youth of Africa to have nice things? Sounds to me like he is telling the African youth they should NOT strive to have a car, air-conditioning, OR a big house. Why can’t they have a middle class? Frankly, it would be the best thing that every happened to them.
Nobody Wonders when Obama is going to reveal his plans to get rid of all the suburbs and move everybody into little apartments in the cities. Does that mean that all the new American citizens that are going to get amnesty in America will be encouraged to live in tents?
If he going to build infrastructures in Africa, is his plan to get the people to keep their huts, but give them enough electric to plug-in their big screens, cell phones, and computers, but still have no running water?
Obama has always had contempt for the suburbs and the middle class that live in them, and now, he is telling everyone that houses, cars, air conditioning, will only be allowed for the rich?
Next thing you know, Obama will be against soap.
Can this guy get any more…idiotic? Does a dog howl at the moon? Does Al Gore have a private jet?
Yes, Obama doesn’t want the Africans to get any nice things. After all, too many people have them already. Sorry Africa. You lose. Take your complaints up with the NAACP.
Obama thought he’d make himself another historical moment in time by speaking at the Berlin Wall today, but it turned out to be a big nothing. The novelty of the first black American President was just that it seems…a novelty. Last time he spoke at the wall, it was “Hey, let’s all go see the first BLACK American President!” and 200,000 showed up. Today, only 5,000 came, and they were all invited.
His own family didn’t show up, they went sight-seeing.
But, that didn’t stop Obama for trying to score brownie points with the liberals of the world, and especially those at home who just found out that Obama is worse than Bush, and is listening to their every word…so he needs to shore up his friends and give them some hope, and the usual liberal Hollywood elites made a video to help Obama promote his new mission: Save the world from nuclear weapons. In the video, they demand “Zero”
Oh right. If these people think that by demanding Russia and Iran to get rid of their nuclear weapons, then obviously, they need to replace their cracked mirrors in their mansions.
Let’s see…check out these recent pictures…body language tells the story here. Look at Obama compared to Putin. Obama is sweatin.’ He has met a man who isn’t afraid of the community organizer, or his Hollywood friends. Obama will disarm us, and Putin will continue to stockpile.
And Russia just did something many Americans, including this Nobody, thinks is smart. They made it illegal to teach homosexuality in grade school. Really. There should be NO sex taught to kids at all when they are young. America is starting in kindergarten with that nonsense.
And America has to now go to Russia to get into space. It’s almost…embarrassing.
But Obama wasn’t concerned about that: He was busy preaching to the Germans about saving the rest of the world. Give the elites lots of money, and they will solve global warming and poverty. (These vacations are getting expensive.)
“We may enjoy a standard of living that is the envy of the world, but so long as hundreds of millions endure the agony of an empty stomach or the anguish of unemployment, we’re not truly prosperous,” Obama said. “We are more free when all people can pursue their own happiness.”—–“more severe storms, more famine and floods, new waves of refugees, coast lines that vanish, oceans that rise. This is the future we must avert, This is the global threat of our time. And for the sake of future generations, our generation must move toward a global compact to confront a changing climate before it is too late. That is our job. That is our task. We have to get to work.”
Nobody Wins when you have an American President, giving speeches around the world in order to take fabulous vacations. Many suggest he is just campaigning for when he gets out of office, which in my Nobody’s Opinion, should have been five years ago….but who’s counting?
Nobody Gets Email
The elites will continue to push Global warming, and they are getting very creative at propaganda. Here they put two liberal messages in one so-called joke. Message One: Men are stupid and mess up nature. Message Two: People that live in the suburbs are morons and all this mowing of lawns is a complete waste of God’s green earth.
It was sent to me by my liberal friend JR….and he thought it was true and clever, but of course he did. Note that since many liberals do not believe in God, isn’t it clever how they used GOD in the joke? I’ll let you ponder that.
Conversation between God and St. Francis. It would be funny if it weren’t so true…
GOD–Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
St. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.