Just a short report on my visit to the Lincoln Presidential Museum in Springfield, IL.
The local maps…are a joke. They have all the sights and only a few main streets, and we got lost about 40 times. Ask directions.
We kept hearing that Lincoln was a poor man: Nevertheless, he managed to own a house which by all accounts, would be considered upper middle class in 2014.
It contains the ugliest wall paper this side of the Atlantic.
Lincoln was the best dad a kid could have, the kids could play baseball in the living room.
He liked to torture himself. For instance, this was the desk in his bedroom. My only conclusion is he took off his legs to sit down.
WHY the local citizens decided to build the rest of his neighborhood is beyond all reason. Go to Main Street in Disneyland, it’s much more entertaining.
Not even George Washington has had more books written about him.
Do NOT…I repeat, DO NOT, wear any symbol of the American flag on your person or you will be followed around the city by big, burly, men packing weapons and looking mean.
The Capitol building where the representatives of Illinois come together has more marble than probably the Vatican. Of course, nobody was there, leaving the billions of dollars worth of marble, looking very lonely.
The Governor’s mansion has lots of democratic parties. (For the looters in Ferguson) let me inform you that the chandeliers alone are worth, about as much as the Mona Liza. They will also tell you that this mansion is the biggest in the nation. right. sure.
The best part of the visit was the museum itself. Disney helped and so, you could see Mary’s various dresses, and a room of political cartoons that made you sick because they made it into a fun house, and five politicians in 3D holograms yelling at you about how Lincoln was a black lover, or put it more succinctly, it was like having Al Sharpton and Harry Reid on each side of your head, yelling at you in Chinese. VERY effective to make you want to GET OUT of the museum.
We didn’t go see Spielberg’s props, as they wanted more money.
In the Library, they have given a cast of Lincoln’s hand to a few very famous people: Bill Clinton, Steven Spielberg, and The Pope. By the way….Lincoln had VERY tiny hands. Big feet, and evidently, a blond girlfriend.
At the end of the day, because it was rush hour, we finally made it to his tomb, which is HUGE! But, don’t make the mistake that it’s just a grave. You can go into it, and walk for what seems miles, into an endless underground maze of….MORE marble, and then you come upon his big marble coffin. His family is on the other side.
So, what did I learn? If our government spent even a ‘smidgen’ of the taxpayer’s money they put into building themselves monuments and Presidential libraries, and instead, spend it on the people, we would not own China one penny.
Italy is going to sink from lack of marble.
Besides all of that, I had a great day!
PS. My husband would like to add: “What was a Muslim, doing at the tomb?”
Answer: Looking for her emancipator.
Nobody Gets Email
If you have ever seen the famous skit “Who’s on First” by Abbott and Costello, you’ll find this, a I did, a very clever remake.
Enjoy! (Thanks to J.R. )
Lou Buys A Computer
|You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this.
For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on.
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, ‘Who’s on First?’ might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
COSTELLO: For my office?
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
—–the troubles I’ve seen ….(I miss the ETRADE BABY already) Okay…quote:
Nobody Knows..why every single cable channel in America last week, had to make us watch, hour after hour, the news, that two doctors who had caught Ebola in Africa, were being shipped back home. It got almost as much coverage as the JFK funeral. I almost expected O.J. to jump out of the ambulance at some point.
And everyone was in a panic. First, they scare you half to death with the instant deaths that could spread as fast as it does in Africa if these doctors infect someone, and THEN they get doctors, who look straight at the camera and say “Don’t worry. You’d have to take a bath in the vomit to catch it.”
One minute, you imagine hospitals overflowing with dead bodies, and a minute later..it never gets here, and everyone don’t worry, be happy. Ebola just sounds bad. Really, no problemo.
Nobody Knows …why they are NOT reporting the fact that there really is no worry from the two doctors who were so well protected, they couldn’t even infect themselves again with the care they got. But there IS real worry from all the illegal’s from those very countries that are being dispersed though-out America now.
Illegal immigrants from more than 75 countries are attempting to enter the United States, including some from countries with outbreaks of the Ebola virus and others from terrorist hotbeds Meanwhile, Texas Gov. Rick Perry insisted in an interview on CNN’s “State of the Union” on Sunday that his state is seeing “historic record highs” of people being apprehended from countries “that have substantial terrorist ties,” including Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Syria. Add to the disease carrying illegal’s flooding the border, and add to them Muslims with virgins in their eyes: “And when you think about the idea that some of them are from countries that have substantial terrorist ties, whether it’s Pakistan or Afghanistan or Syria, we are at historic record highs with individuals being apprehended from those countries.”
And speaking of other countries.
Nobody Knows why Obama went on as planned with his African “I’m going to save Africa, and give them my expert business advice” conference.
And why are the American Airlines still flying to these ‘hot’ places while the British Airlines has stopped? You would think by now we’d follow the British, who by the way, got the hell out of Benghazi.
Nobody Knows how many pharmaceuticals companies are salivating at just the dream of a massive world Ebola outbreak. The CVC already has a patent on a strain of it! How wonderful! Get ready for your local drug stores to be advertising “Get your Ebola vaccine her! ” Better yet, if we get outbreaks here, just think of all the executive orders Obama could dream up. He’s dreaming them up right now, as we speak…on the golf course…
And speaking of outbreaks
Nobody Knows, why Obama is so mad that companies are leaving the United States.
“They’re basically renouncing their citizenship and declaring that they’re based somewhere else, just to avoid paying their fair share,” Obama said recently.
Now that companies are people, they have a RIGHT to go live anywhere. What’s the matter with him?
And speaking of going to live anywhere…
Nobody Knows, but here in St. Louis County, Executive Charlie Dooley, a black democrat, was defeated by another democrat Steve Stenger, who was white, and had the unions behind him. Dooley was defeated badly. Dooley was a Marion Barry wannabe, and the county is starting to look like Detroit’s ugly step-sister.
Nevertheless, Dooley didn’t seem upset, so far, no race card was played— so Nobody Knows, but I would not be at all surprised if Dooley doesn’t move on up to Washington D.C.
And speaking of Washington D.C.,—-
What’s VERY clear, is my dweeby generation will go down as the most screwed up, drugged out, idiotic, hedonistic, greedy, and selfish bunch of morons to ever run the nation.
Having said that, Nobody Knows that I have disowned them all.
I am now…19. Wait. No—I’m 95.
Next week, we will explore the brain of Jimmy Carter, and whether the the UFO he claims to have seen, actually abducted him, since he now claims Hamas are legitimate human beings.
In the meantime, if you’re wondering what the hack happened to your country?
Once in a blue moon, a nobody kid makes it to the big time. If you haven’t seen this kid already, no doubt you will see more of him.
He’s money in the bank…”Apparently” will become the new buzz word.
“Apparently” Obama knew you couldn’t keep your doctor.
“Apparently” Obama knew about the crisis on the border.
“Apparently” precocious Noah Ritter can pick his own TV show.
And it’s a great way to end the day.
Geraldo Rivera has denounced the Drudge Report for carrying news stories that show some of the negative consequences and dangers from allowing vast numbers of youngsters to enter the country illegally and be spread across the country by the Obama administration.
Okay. Geraldo is like the blind prostitute. You really have to hand it to him.
How can he attack Drudge? Really? Whose side is he on? Where else can you get so much information in one place? If not for the Drudge Report, I couldn’t have found my two losers for today! (Thanks Matt)
So, let’s get started:
Today’s contestants: Marion Barry VS Arwa Damon.
And it seems, he took another wrong turn:
Councilman Marion Barry, the former mayor of D.C., was spotted driving the wrong way down Pennsylvania Avenue before colliding with another car, MyFoxDC reported.
The cause of the crash was being investigated. Police said Mr. Barry was cited for driving on the wrong side of the road, expired tags and not having insurance.
Of course, when you’ve been a democrat as long as Mr. Barry, you have to expect a wrong turn every couple of hours. No doubt he just took a wrong turn trying to find the White House.
And then we have Arwa Damon, a reporter for CNN:
Arwa Damon, described by the cable network as a senior international correspondent, was intoxicated and abusive to a medical team stationed on the grounds of the embassy, where Damon did not have authority to be, according to the $2 million lawsuit filed in Manhattan on Monday.
CNN is being sued by two EMTs who say a foreign correspondent for the cable news network bit them in a drunken rage outside the US Embassy in Baghdad.
Wow! Sounds like something Geraldo would to.
Nobody Wonders if MS. Damon was having trouble finding another feminist in Baghdad? Really, I’d get drunk too if I felt like I was not being respected by the men in Baghdad, and being told that should cover up my body.
Okay, so I wouldn’t. Baghdad is not on my ‘need to visit’ bucket list.
Still the real question here is WHERE did she bite these EMTs? Since Geraldo wasn’t there to report, we might never know.
Okay. Maybe I’m just paranoid. Maybe my imagination is going too wild. Maybe I’ve been spending too many hours reading, lying in the sun—maybe I should not be concerned:
There IS a scientific explanation for everything…right?
Here’s what’s bothering me.
Not too long ago, I got a new modem, and a brand new router. I have faster internet. AND yet,
Whenever I go to the Glenn Beck site, I get kicked OFF the internet. Within seconds. .
I can visit any other site on the net, and this doesn’t happen. It’s bugging me.
Could this be a virus? Could there be something out there that keeps people from logging on to Glenn Beck’s’ site?
The other weird thing I don’t understand is cell phones.
Just this morning, my husband and I were discussing going to see the new Movie “Guardians of the Galaxy” and on the table beside us, was his cell phone.
He picked it up to scroll down his messages and then all over a sudden we heard, (and very loudly I might add) two people having a conversation.
It took us a few minutes, but we recognized that it was a conversation we had had several days ago. In fact, it was a very long conversation.
I’m sure WE did not record that. (We have the cheapest cell phones money can buy) Neither of us had any idea that you could record whole conversations on your cell phone. It just popped out at us…and frankly, it was disturbing.
Since I don’t claim to know much about the internet, OR cell phones. Anybody out there who can explain either of these weird happenings in a common sense way, I’d appreciate it.
Will cell phones just record at random different conversations all by themselves and play them back to you for fun?
And more importantly, is this happening to anyone else?
The computer? I can easily assume that there are many people who would want to block websites.
In fact, is this just the beginning? Didn’t Obama give the internet up to the ‘world’?
The Cell Phone? I like to think that, IF someone has been monitoring our phone conversations, than I’d like to thank them for letting us know for sure. After all, we still believe that even though our leaders have gone completely out of their minds, most Americans are decent people.
We were discussing….rose bushes. I had a lot to say on the subject, you can imagine.
Anyway, if the NSA, or the Obama administration finds amusement in my little patriot world, may I end with one statement…
“Don’t you have bigger fish to fry?” LOL!
Nobody Gets Email:
Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, “Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because assholes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you’re here to service them. Since they’re virgins, they’re quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you’ll be on constant, exhausting duty. And I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail!”
The bomber responded, “Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?”
And Allah replied, “Who said they were women” ?
Nobody has a dream…it’s a silly dream, a fun dream…tell me what you think:
They destroyed Los Angeles…
They attacked New York….
Now it’s time for all good people in the country to rise up, and DEMAND …
Sharknado Three to destroy Washington, D. C.!
If you didn’t watch Sharknado Two tonight, I’m not sure you’re really in America. There was enough bad New Jersey jokes to put every New Yorker in happy camp. The jokes were bad, the cabby was repetitive, the hero ran around a lot, the acting was terrible, the kids were wimps,…and the sharks were wonderful.
Nothing is funnier than a giant shark falling out of the sky.
But, it wasn’t enough: I want to see the next shark storm…attack the Capitol.
Think of it: Nancy Pelosi gets her head bit off by a great white. That alone might be worth the whole movie.
John McCain, could be flattened by a hammerhead. Hillary could be torn in half while saying, “What difference does it make?”
We could watch the politicians running out of the Capitol, screaming for their lives, sharks falling from the sky, biting off noses, and arms and legs…Harry Reid could be swallowed whole by a shark with a Koch Brothers logo on his side.
The generals in the Pentagon could be attacked while running wild under a storm of sharks in the National Cemetery.
Come on, admit it. Think of the tension it would relieve all over the country to have a good laugh at all the politicians who torture us every day, to see them running scared from Sharks?
OBVIOUSLY, it’s the next best idea for the continuation.
I’d even PAY to see it, wouldn’t you?
Keep it in mind: Sharknado Three: Washington D.C. Coming soon to your TV.
It’s the ONLY logical choice.
Nobody Get Email
Nobody Gets Email
He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
I was watching the National Anthem being sung at the All-Star game just a few minutes ago, and the camera man panned to a man holding an American flag, and I swear I saw some guy in front of that man, trying to block it with a Mexican flag. It happened so quick, I’m not even sure I saw it. (anybody?) The All Star game is usually pretty boring and I always wondered why the American League always seems to win. I thought the National League players were suppose to be the better league.
Nobody Knows where in the world I got that idea.
The American league is winning now, bottom of the seventh. No doubt they will win, again.
And speaking of winning:
Nobody Knows if Elizabeth Warren is going to challenge Hillary Clinton for the democratic nomination, but they WANT us all to wonder. Supposedly, Obama doesn’t want Hillary to follow him as President, and Warren is being groomed by Obama supporters to follow him…or maybe Hillary really does have a brain tumor– heart condition— blood clot— dementia..(did I leave anything out?) and is just making money.
They are NOW putting out the propaganda that Obama and the Clinton’s don’t get along. And Michelle and Obama never sleep together and he smokes and eats junk food all night when he goes to bed. And if he is still smoking why does he keep chewing gum?
Nobody Thinks this could very well be all to make us THINK that Hillary isn’t like Obama at all and therefore more trustworthy. Yes, now the story is, the Clinton’s HATE him.
(All Star Update: Nobody Knows how many people didn’t GO to the All Star game in Minneapolis tonight due to the Polar Votex, but I do notice that they are not showing too many shots of the upper bleachers.)
And speaking of people haters, great liars, and people getting high..(I was wasn’t I?) Just go with it…
Harry Reid must be smoking crack with the President. He announced with great fanfare just this week:
He said this while thousands upon thousands of Hispanics floated across the border and took the Obama Bus to the nearest Wal-Mart.
Nobody knows WHAT border he was talking about, but I think it’s the one in front of the Senate Parking Lot.
(Note, I posted this because I think its funny that when found out they were MIGRANT workers with EBT cards, well, then, no problem. LOL! They STILL go to Wal-Mart who honors all government food stamps, and credit cards. Remember, both Hillary and Michelle were on the board of Wal-Mart at one time. )
Nobody Knows, (or did I rant about it? I don’t remember) but I caught a most nasty pneumonia last year at Wal-Mart, from some little Hispanic kid who was coughing all over the store. Now when I go to Wal-Mart, I take masks, gloves, baseball bats, stun guns, and I hire an ambulance outside just in case I catch Ebola.
Okay, I’m kidding. I can’t afford an ambulance. I can barely afford gas for my car. (I have illegals to save.)
But I DO walk around Wal-Mart as if it’s a mine field. And I do have ammo: masks, anti bacterial lotion, gloves, and Zinc spray just in case. (Thanks snopercod)
But, where was I?
Oh yeah…lies. And SPEAKING of lies—
As Cindy Adams would say: Only in New York, honey, Only in New York.
But, back to liberal and their lies:
We now know why Jay Carney got fired: Josh Earnest lies with much more humor.
White House press secretary Josh Earnest said Monday the Obama administration’s foreign policies in a number of areas have enhanced the world’s “tranquility” – a word that raised eyebrows as reporters pointed to situations in Gaza, Syria, Iraq, Iran, Ukraine and the South China Sea.
Yes, the world is absolutely floating in a sea of Obama bliss of tranquility. The whole world is so peaceful, Hamas is lobbing missiles at Israel, and blowing up people in Afghanistan, killing Christians whenever they can, and Jews, and even Basketball players can’t stay in one place.
If we get any more tranquility we’ll have to declare Obama the Prince of Peace. (Somebody send him a robe and some sandals. )
Does it matter if our President and his merry men think they are in an All- Star Game?
Will this lying game of madness END when Obama leaves the White House?
Nobody Knows: But I’m NOT giving up my bat.
This week, we have two clear examples of people who simply can’t control themselves:
Bob Beckel VS Michael Suh and Nicole Germack
Let’s start with Bob.
According to the mainstream media, and a few nutty liberal politicians, Bob should be fired for “racial” slurs.
He got pretty mad on THE FIVE (FOX’s TV SHOW) about Chinese people, and just blurted out this:
“The Chinese are the single biggest threat to the national security of the U.S.,” he said. “They have been, they will be and they can wait, they’re very patient. Do you know what we just did? As usual, we bring them over here and we teach a bunch of Chinamen — er, Chinese people — how to do computers and then they go back to China and hack into us.”
And Bob did NOT stop there! Listen to the rest of the tape to hear the rest. Why— Bob even accuses the Chinese of making cheap toys and poisoning our pets!
Even if it IS true, was that any reason for him to offend the Chinese like that? I…am…shocked.
Actually, the Chinese also like to garden at night, and keep their American neighbors awake. Tonight I saw my Chinese neighbor outside down on his knees planting SOMETHING in his back yard…with his porch light on.
“Why do you think he’s PLANTING at night?” I asked my husband, as we continued to walk the dogs.
“Maybe that’s his wife’s body.”
They also do all their cooking in the garage, and they smell up the neighborhood with soy sauce.
I am SO glad that Bob didn’t mention those racists things because Bob just starting dating a new girl. No, it’s not the first time Bob Beckel has just not been able to keep his opinions to himself. He once called white people…”Crackers.”
And then we have Michael Suh and Nicole Germack of Newark. It seems, they wanted to have sex on the roof. They JUST couldn’t control themselves.
The officer told the couple to stop, but police say they continued for approximately 15-20 seconds before stopping. Both are facing charges of Resisting Arrest, Lewdness, Indecent Exposure, Loitering and Conspiracy.
Thinking back on all the strange places that I have felt the uncontrollable urge, I’m feel lucky to be sitting here and typing this fine work of literary magnificent for you fine people. I’m so glad I got myself under control, and not a minute too late it seems.
So..who wins the Nobody’s Perfect award for the week?
This is a hard one. On the one hand, what Bob said, most people would consider just an ‘opinion’ not racist. And an opinion based on facts. If that was a racist comment, than Harry Reid’s attacks on the Koch brothers should be considered racist. Harry Reid should be fired then too.
Bob has every right to express his opinion, by the Constitution. if we have to listen to Harry Reid, than Bob has every right to say he doesn’t like the Chinese.
On the other hand…WHY were people looking UP to a roof to watch a couple having sex?
Maybe Michael’s apartment was hot. MAYBE they thought no one could see them up there.
Maybe…these really ARE Rome’s last days.
Maybe that’s why Michael Suh (Who is Chinese) was having sex with Nicole on the roof.
Maybe he was hacking into her computer.
Hey, it’s a dangerous world out there and I say the Nobody’s Fool Award goes to—-
California state Sen. Ted Lieu (D) who called Beckel’s comments “racist”
“We should all be alarmed by the racist, xenophobic comments by Fox News host Bob Beckel,” said Lieu. “His comments have no place in America, and this is at least the second time he has used racial slurs. He must resign immediately.”
Congratulations Sen. Ted Lieu! You win the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week for being such a moron.
And since I’m calling a Chinese guy a moron, I must be racist.
Move your cracker butt over Bob, give me some room.
There’s a long line of reasons for it, most of which happened long before the potato famine, which to the rest of the world made no sense. Why didn’t they just go catch some fish?
To show the hatred between the Irish and the British, I’ve included a short passage from the book “All Facts Considered.” by Kee Malesky
The Irish Famine (in Gaelic, An Gorta Mor, “The Great Hunger”) had a terrible impact on the country: a million people died of starvation or disease, and at least another million emigrated. In the Mid-1800s, Ireland was “wretched, rebellious and utterly dependent on the potato.” When blight hit the potato crop beginning in 1845, the people were devastated. Little was done by the British government to alleviate their suffering: indeed, merchants and landlords actually exported food from Ireland during the worst years of the famine. Some Protestant groups offered to feed the hungry- if they would convert from Catholicism: Those who did were called ‘soupers’, because they traded their souls for a bowl of soup. British economist and Oxford professor Nassau William Senior wrote at the time that the famine “would not kill more than one million people, and that would scarcely be enough to do any good.”
And I’m sure, my British friend amfortas would say: “Serves you right— Better you take them than us!.”
Nevertheless, I’ve never met an American Irish man I didn’t like. In fact, my best friend is Irish.
Therefore, I’m certainly not fit to meet the Queen.
(Take it away amfortas, if you’re out there.)
This week, I couldn’t WAIT to post Joan Rivers up as the “I will tell you what I think, damn you all” hero of the week.
Watch this video until the end, when she asks the girl if she has leather shoes on.
Joan Rivers is one of those true ‘feminists’…you know, the kind that real ‘feminists’ feel threatened by? They pay for their OWN birth control. They love men. They build their own companies. The ones that work from morning until night—- get up, cook breakfast for the family, go to work, come home, cook, help the kids, do the laundry, and then never complain?
They even bake cookies, god forbid.
Joan Rivers was the woman worked hard in dingy night clubs all her life…(Having done that, I know how hard it is) and she is still working. She makes fun of her plastic surgery, and fun of the really stupid things we all want to laugh about, like some of the stupid things movie stars do.
She’s a smart woman.
She is the female Don Rickles, and what is NOT funny about someone saying we have the first gay President and our first ‘Tranny”? I think that every day.
So, Congratulations Joan! You win the Nobody’s Fool Award for the week!
And if you ever need to get rid of those furs…you can send them to me.