Nobody Gets Email
Here’s one that makes you think, about all the smidgens of scandals that Obama will never admit to:
(Thanks to Kris)
If you want to know Obama’s foreign policy it’s given here by his dweeby…blond liberal who thinks she smart, state department representative.
“We cannot win this war by killing them.”
No, what they want to do is offer them job opportunities. Poverty is the reason that all these young men want to behead people. They just have nothing else to do. So, Obama suggests a war on poverty…not on Islam. We will NEVER be at war with Islam. But poverty— that’s a sure-fire democratic winner for raising money. After all, according to Obama, Islam is peaceful. America can help these poor, misguided jihadists, to trade in their beheading blades for a McDonalds minimum wage. Just give them a chance to get a FREE franchise, paid for by us! After all….Obama has money to blow. He collected more of your tax money last year than EVER collected in history. Obama is a citizen of the world, and these Muslims need our help.
What’s sad about this, is, —–it’s Jeb Bush’s thoughts on illegal immigration.
All those poor illegals need is jobs….and America should make sure they get those jobs.
In the meantime, this just in: Here we see three representatives of the U.S. State Department. Obama does have a REAL plan to deal with the growing forces of ISIS…
And the program, recently added under Homeland Security, is under the code name of: DDH—-
Duck, Dodge, and Hide.
Did you watch the SNL 40th anniversary last night? I must admit, I thought half of it was pretty lame, especially the Californians satire. As a “boomer” of course, I grew up with the Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy, Bill Murry crowd, whom I prefer. I realize the younger generation has their own sense of humor…which relies on fart and gross jokes and so on, so here’s some of my thoughts on the matter:
As to the best humor of the night: The woman who imitated Beyoncé, Maya Rudolph, cracked me up. Second to that, was Bill Murry singing about Jaws, because it was just so stupid. If you want to see that segment and missed last night, it’s below.
As for music, Sir Paul McCartney’s vocal chords are giving out, as are Paul Simon, but at least they still sing live.
Adam Sandler was just himself. He is so much himself it’s hard to compare him…but I did like his “REUNION!” Jewish shout.
Miley Cyrus was so good singing an old Paul Simon song, one wonders why in the world she went off the deep porn end.
Wayne’s World was a good skit, and they seemed ageless…. and Seinfeld in his own little way, gave Sarah Palin a bit of payback being as many people think Tina Fey did such a great job of making fun of her it affected everyone taking her seriously. Good for Sarah for showing up.
The two moments that were the most annoying is when Chris Rock made the statement that Eddie Murphy single-handedly SAVED SNL. You would have thought Eddie Murphy was Obama, another one of Chris Rock’s favorite Gods. And instead of being brave and doing a skit like Bill Murry, or even Steve Martin, Eddie did nothing.
While Eddie Murphy was great, he was just one of the many. Chris Rock has rocks in his head.
And once again we were all wishing John Belusi was alive and could make fun of Eddie Murphy.
Many conservatives were upset about Jane Curtain making fun of FOX news babes, which is ridiculous. Of COURSE Rupert puts big busted babes on his show. It’s the truth…silly.
Chris Rock rant was WAY over the “Blacks ARE better than white people, and it’s time you all step aside and let us have the floor.” BS that’s becoming popular, you know, with the likes of Kanye West.
And speaking of Kanye West…this rich multimillionaire continues to sing the “I’m black and oppressed blues” because he was lying on the floor. if Kanye thinks life is unfair that Beyonce never gets her big award, WE think its unfair that a no-talented guy like Kanye can become a billionaire, and then get a platform to attack every white person on the planet.
While it was nice to see some old faces, and get a few laughs—-let’s hope they skip the 50th anniversary.
The site of Chevy Chase barely standing, was enough to pull a heart.
I think I might have posted this before, but it’s worth a second fun time.
(I love these guys.)
Don’t you wonder what this actor thinks about all these different versions of himself playing Hitler?
This one is funny too. I can’t get enough of these.
Nobody Gets Email on Valentine’s Day
Yes, Confucius had a lot to say on the matters of the heart, according to this email.
(Thanks to Kris)
It’s OK to let a fool kiss you, but don’t let a kiss fool you.
A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.
It is better to lose a lover than love a loser.
Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy.
A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest.
Viagra is like Disneyland… a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want.
A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don’t get it.
We have just found some footage of Brian Williams…yes that’s him…he got hit in the head by a sniper attack, which just grazed his temple, while reporting on a dangerous mission over Russia, and passed out from the blow,—-he nearly died! But the Navy Seals that were jumping into enemy territory, rushed to his rescue…and just in time too.
Wait…it’s not him? ….Oh.
Here’s some good news…these guys are fantastic, and thanks to them, the real guy in this video will live to tell the world that his name is NOT Brian Williams. In fact, Brian was in the car down below, talking to his daughter on the phone, and they weren’t anywhere near Russia.
It’s a good news story, and I promised you one…because it’s Sunday. :)
Nobody tell him.
It’s from a column called “The Rules” and to set up the excerpt, it was about the various rules our leaders in Washington make that baffle us all. He made the point that President Reagan in a direct quote after bombing Khadafy said, “We weren’t out to kill anybody.”
“We have large military airplanes fly over there, and drop bombs all over his immediate vicinity: but we weren’t trying to kill him. You want to know why? I’ll tell you why. The Rules.
That’s right. It runs out that we have this law, signed in 1976 by Gerald Ford, who coincidentally also pardoned Richard M. Nixon, under which it is illegal for our government to assassinate foreign leaders. So we can’t just hire a couple of experienced persons named Vito for 100 grand to sneak over there one night in dark clothing and fill up Moammar’s various breathing apertures with plumbers’ putty. No, that would be breaking a rule. So what we do is spend several hundred million dollars to crank up the entire Sixth Fleet and have planes fly over from as far away as England, not to mention that we lose a couple of airmen, to achieve the purpose of NOT killing Moammar Khadafy. We did kill various other random Libyans, but that is OK under the Rules. Gerald Ford signed nothing to protect them. “
I wonder how Mr. Barry would talk about the fact that we spend TRILLIONS of dollars after being attacked by bin Laden, only to have the next President spend another trillion taking us out, only to decide that we need to spend another trillion to go back, and even after bin Laden is dead? Add to that the fact that we are trillions in debt.
And on top of that, we send men over there and tell them the new rule: Don’t shoot your enemy unless he shoots you first! Ha ha ha.
So, hopefully Mr. Barry will forgive me for posting his copyrighted ‘stuff” and if he gets mad, I’ll just have to bake him another pumpkin pie.
Nobody Gets Email
(Thanks to Tom Beebe)
Gotta love those grand-kids .. I was eating
breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked
her, What day is tomorrow?”
Without skipping a beat she said, “It’s Presidents Day!”
She’s smart, so I asked her “What does Presidents Day mean?”
I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush or
She replied, “Presidents Day is when the President steps out of
the White House, And if he sees his shadow, we have another year of Bull Shit.”
You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.
Have A Great Day!
This afternoon I posted Randy Quaid meltdown, and came back and found out it didn’t upload.
So…THIS guy says you can’t do it, but everybody is doing it because I saw it on Glenn Beck.
Nevertheless, I thought this guy was soooooo much fun, and because he rehashed the same old news we hear every day in a refreshingly new way…
I decided to post him instead. His name is Philip Defranco…check him out. :) He’ll tell you all about it.
(by the way, it’s still on Youtube, if you want to see it.)
This week we have two very famous black men making what many would consider….obnoxious mistakes.
First, let’s start with the champion of mucky Manchurian mistakes: ‘President’ Barack Obama. Upon finding out that Netanyahu is going to speak before Congress without his permission, the King of Muck got pretty mad, and said he would NOT meet with him when he gets here:
So as not to look like the sore loser that he is, Obama put out this statement:
“As a matter of long-standing practice and principle, we do not see heads of state or candidates in close proximity to their elections, so as to avoid the appearance of influencing a democratic election in a foreign country,” said Bernadette Meehan a spokesperson for the National Security Council. “Accordingly, the President will not be meeting with Prime Minister Netanyahu because of the proximity to the Israeli election, which is just two weeks after his planned address to the U.S. Congress.”
Got that? He doesn’t want to influence the Israeli elections. And my dog doesn’t want to pee in the back yard.
So, what does he call sending over his finest advisors to Israel to work on getting Netanyahu thrown OUT in the next election? I thought he said he didn’t want to influence elections?
A former Obama campaign strategist is working in Israel as an adviser to a group determined to unseat Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu in the upcoming Israeli elections.
Jeremy Bird is one of four U.S. consultants helping the Tel Aviv-based Victory 2015, or V15, adopt American campaign methodologies like those that won President Barack Obama the White House in 2008 and 2012.
V15 says it backs no particular party but wants to “simply replace the government,” especially Netanyahu.
Ha! Obama wouldn’t care if a parakeet with a serious lisp got elected, anybody but Netanyahu. Can we call him a Jew hater yet? In Netanyahu’s case…yes. Let’s add that to his ‘hate’ list.
Obama is acting just like Mussolini. And speaking of Mussolini.
The second mistake made this week by a famous black man was done by Mike Tyson, who is excited about channeling Hitler and Mussolini when he rapped a duet with Madonna on her new album, soon to be released after ….her last one make the charts…which might be…not too soon.
Of his totally ad-libbed part of the song, the “Mike Tyson Mysteries” star revealed he channeled former Italian dictator Benito Mussolini – and he even gave a shout-out to Hitler for liking him! “When I did it, I think about being some guy like Mussolini and they’re really arrogant, but you try to come from a positive perspective and be uplifting,” he explained. “You watch Mussolini on television — even though we don’t understand what he’s saying — he is so mesmerizing. I look at myself in that way.”
Ooooooookaaaaaay. Mike finds Mussolini ‘uplifting’? He looks at himself that way? Whoa. He should get in a room full of mirrors with Obama and mesmerize away.
So who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?
Is it our ‘president’ who threatens to punish Netanyahu for not obeying his every word? Who does he think he is?
Or is it Mike Tyson, who is crazy about dictators, and crazy enough to blast it to the world on a record?
Nobody decides: It’s…
Madonna! Yes, Madonna wins on this one. She is so desperate to sell a record she has to, once again, do something outlandish that EVERYONE will be appalled at, just so people will listen to her again. The last time she had a big hit, Elvis was still alive and being seen at car washes in Texas.
She has moved on from having sex with upside down crucifixes.
She probably even made poor Mike watch old films of Mussolini and Hitler just so he’d know who they were. You REALLY think Mike knows even how to find his own bathroom, let alone a history film? At least Barbara Streisand gets REAL singers to do duets with her.
Pretty pathetic if you ask me.
So, Congratulations Madonna! You win the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week, for losing your usual ‘shock and awe’ revival of yourself.
Okay, you all made it through the week reading my very depressing and very often, sarcastic opinions, so it’s only fair I share some laughs on the weekends, right?
If you haven’t seen this video, you might be the only one in the world who hasn’t.
Enjoy! (I like the pickle comment.)
I decided this video pretty much summed up Obama’s State of the Union speech last night, and wasn’t near as long. I usually watch those things, and give a WAY too long summation.
Sorry. The pomp and circumstance were too much for me to bear. On this I wasn’t alone. Ruth Ginsberg couldn’t take it either.
Nevertheless, I heard he didn’t disappoint, The State of the Union..according to Obama …is GREAT! Because of…him. And anybody who doesn’t agree with him WILL be vetoed. After all, he’s IS the President. And he wants more money, so he can give out more money, and the world has never been safer.
Right. And a pig can fly, cows can drive, and Obama will admit he was born in Kenya, and step down.
On a good note: a few of the Supreme Court Justices didn’t turn up. Why?
Here’s a few reasons: (Yahoo)
Justice Antonin Scalia’s absence is no surprise. It was the 19th State of the Union in a row that he’s skipped since he considers the speech a “childish spectacle.”
Thomas’s remark gets to the heart of why the State of the Union has become a painful event for the justices: the address has become a “political pep rally,” according to Chief Justice John Roberts (who still attends nonetheless), as the justices are forced to sit calmly while the President and members of government around them cheer and crow about the politics of the moment.
So, I’m with them. I only had to see a few frames of the man…and yes he is: A childish spectacle.
The question is: How many more pages does he have to turn?
Nobody Gets Email:
Here we have the timeless sayings of the last great generation, whose common sense has long since left the planet.
(Thanks to Tom Beebe, who is still a kid.)
I really liked the TIME TRAVEL…what’s your favorite?
Most of our generation 50+ was HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.
1. My mother taught me
I just finished cleaning.”
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock You into the middle of next week!”
4. My father taught me LOGIC. ” Because I said so, that’s why.”
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, You’re not going to the store with me.”
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case You’re in an accident.”
7. My father taught me IRONY. “Keep crying,
And I’ll give you something to cry about.”
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?”
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times.
13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . “Stop acting like your father!”
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. “There are millions of less fortunate children in This world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.”
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it from your father
When you get home!”
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes,
They are going to get stuck that way.”
19. My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know
When you are cold?”
20. My father taught me HUMOR. “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
Don’t come running to me.”
21. My mother taught me
HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT . “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. “You’re just like your father.”
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. “Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a barn?”
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.
25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
“One day you’ll have kids,
And I hope they turn out just like you !”
This was only sent to the over 50 crowd because the younger ones would not believe we truly were told these “EXACT” words by our parents