Nobody Gets Email
He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
I was watching the National Anthem being sung at the All-Star game just a few minutes ago, and the camera man panned to a man holding an American flag, and I swear I saw some guy in front of that man, trying to block it with a Mexican flag. It happened so quick, I’m not even sure I saw it. (anybody?) The All Star game is usually pretty boring and I always wondered why the American League always seems to win. I thought the National League players were suppose to be the better league.
Nobody Knows where in the world I got that idea.
The American league is winning now, bottom of the seventh. No doubt they will win, again.
And speaking of winning:
Nobody Knows if Elizabeth Warren is going to challenge Hillary Clinton for the democratic nomination, but they WANT us all to wonder. Supposedly, Obama doesn’t want Hillary to follow him as President, and Warren is being groomed by Obama supporters to follow him…or maybe Hillary really does have a brain tumor– heart condition— blood clot— dementia..(did I leave anything out?) and is just making money.
They are NOW putting out the propaganda that Obama and the Clinton’s don’t get along. And Michelle and Obama never sleep together and he smokes and eats junk food all night when he goes to bed. And if he is still smoking why does he keep chewing gum?
Nobody Thinks this could very well be all to make us THINK that Hillary isn’t like Obama at all and therefore more trustworthy. Yes, now the story is, the Clinton’s HATE him.
(All Star Update: Nobody Knows how many people didn’t GO to the All Star game in Minneapolis tonight due to the Polar Votex, but I do notice that they are not showing too many shots of the upper bleachers.)
And speaking of people haters, great liars, and people getting high..(I was wasn’t I?) Just go with it…
Harry Reid must be smoking crack with the President. He announced with great fanfare just this week:
He said this while thousands upon thousands of Hispanics floated across the border and took the Obama Bus to the nearest Wal-Mart.
Nobody knows WHAT border he was talking about, but I think it’s the one in front of the Senate Parking Lot.
(Note, I posted this because I think its funny that when found out they were MIGRANT workers with EBT cards, well, then, no problem. LOL! They STILL go to Wal-Mart who honors all government food stamps, and credit cards. Remember, both Hillary and Michelle were on the board of Wal-Mart at one time. )
Nobody Knows, (or did I rant about it? I don’t remember) but I caught a most nasty pneumonia last year at Wal-Mart, from some little Hispanic kid who was coughing all over the store. Now when I go to Wal-Mart, I take masks, gloves, baseball bats, stun guns, and I hire an ambulance outside just in case I catch Ebola.
Okay, I’m kidding. I can’t afford an ambulance. I can barely afford gas for my car. (I have illegals to save.)
But I DO walk around Wal-Mart as if it’s a mine field. And I do have ammo: masks, anti bacterial lotion, gloves, and Zinc spray just in case. (Thanks snopercod)
But, where was I?
Oh yeah…lies. And SPEAKING of lies—
As Cindy Adams would say: Only in New York, honey, Only in New York.
But, back to liberal and their lies:
We now know why Jay Carney got fired: Josh Earnest lies with much more humor.
White House press secretary Josh Earnest said Monday the Obama administration’s foreign policies in a number of areas have enhanced the world’s “tranquility” – a word that raised eyebrows as reporters pointed to situations in Gaza, Syria, Iraq, Iran, Ukraine and the South China Sea.
Yes, the world is absolutely floating in a sea of Obama bliss of tranquility. The whole world is so peaceful, Hamas is lobbing missiles at Israel, and blowing up people in Afghanistan, killing Christians whenever they can, and Jews, and even Basketball players can’t stay in one place.
If we get any more tranquility we’ll have to declare Obama the Prince of Peace. (Somebody send him a robe and some sandals. )
Does it matter if our President and his merry men think they are in an All- Star Game?
Will this lying game of madness END when Obama leaves the White House?
Nobody Knows: But I’m NOT giving up my bat.
This week, we have two clear examples of people who simply can’t control themselves:
Bob Beckel VS Michael Suh and Nicole Germack
Let’s start with Bob.
According to the mainstream media, and a few nutty liberal politicians, Bob should be fired for “racial” slurs.
He got pretty mad on THE FIVE (FOX’s TV SHOW) about Chinese people, and just blurted out this:
“The Chinese are the single biggest threat to the national security of the U.S.,” he said. “They have been, they will be and they can wait, they’re very patient. Do you know what we just did? As usual, we bring them over here and we teach a bunch of Chinamen — er, Chinese people — how to do computers and then they go back to China and hack into us.”
And Bob did NOT stop there! Listen to the rest of the tape to hear the rest. Why— Bob even accuses the Chinese of making cheap toys and poisoning our pets!
Even if it IS true, was that any reason for him to offend the Chinese like that? I…am…shocked.
Actually, the Chinese also like to garden at night, and keep their American neighbors awake. Tonight I saw my Chinese neighbor outside down on his knees planting SOMETHING in his back yard…with his porch light on.
“Why do you think he’s PLANTING at night?” I asked my husband, as we continued to walk the dogs.
“Maybe that’s his wife’s body.”
They also do all their cooking in the garage, and they smell up the neighborhood with soy sauce.
I am SO glad that Bob didn’t mention those racists things because Bob just starting dating a new girl. No, it’s not the first time Bob Beckel has just not been able to keep his opinions to himself. He once called white people…”Crackers.”
And then we have Michael Suh and Nicole Germack of Newark. It seems, they wanted to have sex on the roof. They JUST couldn’t control themselves.
The officer told the couple to stop, but police say they continued for approximately 15-20 seconds before stopping. Both are facing charges of Resisting Arrest, Lewdness, Indecent Exposure, Loitering and Conspiracy.
Thinking back on all the strange places that I have felt the uncontrollable urge, I’m feel lucky to be sitting here and typing this fine work of literary magnificent for you fine people. I’m so glad I got myself under control, and not a minute too late it seems.
So..who wins the Nobody’s Perfect award for the week?
This is a hard one. On the one hand, what Bob said, most people would consider just an ‘opinion’ not racist. And an opinion based on facts. If that was a racist comment, than Harry Reid’s attacks on the Koch brothers should be considered racist. Harry Reid should be fired then too.
Bob has every right to express his opinion, by the Constitution. if we have to listen to Harry Reid, than Bob has every right to say he doesn’t like the Chinese.
On the other hand…WHY were people looking UP to a roof to watch a couple having sex?
Maybe Michael’s apartment was hot. MAYBE they thought no one could see them up there.
Maybe…these really ARE Rome’s last days.
Maybe that’s why Michael Suh (Who is Chinese) was having sex with Nicole on the roof.
Maybe he was hacking into her computer.
Hey, it’s a dangerous world out there and I say the Nobody’s Fool Award goes to—-
California state Sen. Ted Lieu (D) who called Beckel’s comments “racist”
“We should all be alarmed by the racist, xenophobic comments by Fox News host Bob Beckel,” said Lieu. “His comments have no place in America, and this is at least the second time he has used racial slurs. He must resign immediately.”
Congratulations Sen. Ted Lieu! You win the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week for being such a moron.
And since I’m calling a Chinese guy a moron, I must be racist.
Move your cracker butt over Bob, give me some room.
There’s a long line of reasons for it, most of which happened long before the potato famine, which to the rest of the world made no sense. Why didn’t they just go catch some fish?
To show the hatred between the Irish and the British, I’ve included a short passage from the book “All Facts Considered.” by Kee Malesky
The Irish Famine (in Gaelic, An Gorta Mor, “The Great Hunger”) had a terrible impact on the country: a million people died of starvation or disease, and at least another million emigrated. In the Mid-1800s, Ireland was “wretched, rebellious and utterly dependent on the potato.” When blight hit the potato crop beginning in 1845, the people were devastated. Little was done by the British government to alleviate their suffering: indeed, merchants and landlords actually exported food from Ireland during the worst years of the famine. Some Protestant groups offered to feed the hungry- if they would convert from Catholicism: Those who did were called ‘soupers’, because they traded their souls for a bowl of soup. British economist and Oxford professor Nassau William Senior wrote at the time that the famine “would not kill more than one million people, and that would scarcely be enough to do any good.”
And I’m sure, my British friend amfortas would say: “Serves you right— Better you take them than us!.”
Nevertheless, I’ve never met an American Irish man I didn’t like. In fact, my best friend is Irish.
Therefore, I’m certainly not fit to meet the Queen.
(Take it away amfortas, if you’re out there.)
This week, I couldn’t WAIT to post Joan Rivers up as the “I will tell you what I think, damn you all” hero of the week.
Watch this video until the end, when she asks the girl if she has leather shoes on.
Joan Rivers is one of those true ‘feminists’…you know, the kind that real ‘feminists’ feel threatened by? They pay for their OWN birth control. They love men. They build their own companies. The ones that work from morning until night—- get up, cook breakfast for the family, go to work, come home, cook, help the kids, do the laundry, and then never complain?
They even bake cookies, god forbid.
Joan Rivers was the woman worked hard in dingy night clubs all her life…(Having done that, I know how hard it is) and she is still working. She makes fun of her plastic surgery, and fun of the really stupid things we all want to laugh about, like some of the stupid things movie stars do.
She’s a smart woman.
She is the female Don Rickles, and what is NOT funny about someone saying we have the first gay President and our first ‘Tranny”? I think that every day.
So, Congratulations Joan! You win the Nobody’s Fool Award for the week!
And if you ever need to get rid of those furs…you can send them to me.
Nobody Flashes Email:
Are you still trying to sober up after last night? Well DON’T!
We all woke up this morning and realized—OBAMA IS STILL PRESIDENT!!! Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
So, grab those old beer bottles lying around the house and learn a new trick..to help you forget.
Or just watch this.
(Thanks to J.R.)
It’s bad enough that the Obama’s can’t control themselves when it comes to pies, notice, they have fired the top pastry chefs in the White House, because of their own lack of control, and in the usual Obama way, they BLAME the poor chefs for being such GREAT pie makers. Under the Obama administration: Excellence is punished.
AND, as if that wasn’t bad enough, Obama had to show off his fine taste in crack:
“I don’t know what he does—whether he puts crack in them.” But the president continued he had to adopt a no weekday pie rule.
Wow. Obama really knows how to respect the office he holds, doesn’t he?
Away from the teleprompter, Obama shows his true low-class self: Of course, what can you expect from a former drug dealer and drug addict? Some say he was doing crack with Reggie during the Benghazi raid, and hey–why not? He sure has crack on his mind.
Off teleprompter, Obama speaks like a low-level drug addict off the streets. What did he say to the Republicans if they don’t like what he’s doing?
The ‘hope’ for a better man in the White House, is going out with the crack pies.
We hear it every day: Survive the next market crash: Buy Gold. Survive ‘climate change’: Get solar power for your house: Survive Obamacare: Get a colonoscopy. Survive a car crash: Buckle your seat beat. Survive your mother-in-law’s Sunday dinner: (I’ll get back to you on that one.)
My first lesson in survival was how to fend off an older brother, who loved to pin me down. He would sit on my stomach, pin my arms down with his legs, and slap my face, all the while laughing…until I learned how to wrap my legs around his neck and slam him back, and then kick hard. (I love my brother!)
Most people have the misconception— mostly from seeing movies, that people panic during a time for survival, but that’s not true: Most people…freeze. They shut down. Clueless. Even animals pretend to be dead.
Nobody Thinks that right now, a whole nation is staring at the corruption in Washington like deer with headlights in our eyes: We are just frozen. What do we do?
Last year, I was about to throw away my childhood book on Robinson Crusoe, so I read it for the second time, and the lessons in it were clear: prepare. Prepare for next year…prepare for the worst.
Prepare, prepare, and then prepare some more.
Too bad they don’t teach that very valuable lesson in school. How many of us are prepared for what’s coming? I know I’m not. I just never DREAMED that the America I knew would ever end.
But back to Robinson Crusoe, who was stranded on an island, and he not only survived, he could have supported a whole town, he was such an excellent planner.
And SINCE man is suppose to the superior King of the apes, you would think a simple thing like making sure your nation survives, would be a piece of cake. History shows…it’s really not.
Our piece of cake is turning into soup kitchen gumbo.
We are being invaded from the South, for people who want to ‘survive” and all due to the fact that the only survival instinct going on in Washington is how to keep their own butts forever swimming in the laps of luxury.
Too bad we don’t have a man like Rick Rescorla for President.
Who is he you might ask?
Rick Rescorla, saved 2,687 employees of the Morgan Stanley, on 9/11, and I just heard about him.
Rick Rescorla was born in England, and joined the U.S. military because he wanted to fight the communists in Vietnam. He won a Silver Star, a Bronze Star and a Purple heart and was memorialized in the 1992 book, We Were Soldiers…and Young.
He was the head of security for Morgan Stanley Dean Witter, whose offices were in Tower 2. He expected an attack, because in 1990 he and an old war buddy wrote a report to the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey (which owns the Trade Center Site) on the need for more security in the parking garage.
Because Rick knew it was coming he prepared everyone. He ordered everyone NOT to listen to the Port Authority in a real emergency. If you remember, the Port Authority told everyone to STAY in their places.
REALLY bad advice.
From Time, June, 2008:
“The radicalism of Rescorla’s drills cannot be overstated. Remember, Morgan Staley is an investment bank. Millionaire, high performance bankers on the 73red floor did not appreciate the interruption. Each drill, which pulled brokers off their pens and away from their computers, cost the company money. But Rescorlas did it anyway. His military training had taught him a simple rule of human nature The best way to get the brain to perform under extreme stress is to rapidly run it though rehearsals beforehand.
He even started timing them, and improving their time.
When 9/11 came, everyone knew what to do. They were on their way down the stairs, and on the 44th floor when the second plane hit, this time striking 38 floors above them.
“Stop.” Rescorla ordered through his bullhorn. “Be still. Be calm.” And then he started singing into the bullhorn, while people stayed quiet:
“Men of Cornwall stand ye steady. It cannot be easy said ye for the battle were not ready.”
Rick got everyone out. Only 13, including Rescorla and four of his security officers were inside.
He was last seen on the 10th floor heading up. His body was never found.
So, this deer is asking—How do we survive Obama? How do we survive the upcoming invasion on our borders, which will bring a new strain of TB? Do I have to start wearing masks to Wal-Mart?
Rick Rescorla and Robinson Crusoe would tell us. WAKE UP.. MOVE. Prepare…..
Think of every worse case scenario and start now.
The only thing our politicians are preparing for is millions of angry citizens. They have not prepared this country for even a sun flare, let alone an invasion.
They are only preparing for themselves and their friends.
Too bad we can’t throw them all into Robinson’s Crusoe’s Island for a month.
Wow! Alert! When I read that 83 percent of the ‘children’ coming over the border were NOT small children, like all the pictures are showing us…but MEN, I didn’t believe it. Homeland security is requesting immediate help.
Thanks to The Drudge Report, we have proof that the men want underwear:
The DHS Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) requires the following items, Purchase Description Determined by Line Item, to the following:
LI 001: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: Medium Per Dozen, 600, DZ;
LI 002: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: Large Per Dozen, 600, DZ;
LI 003: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: X-Large Per Dozen, 600, DZ;
LI 004: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 2X-Large Per Dozen, 400, DZ;
LI 005: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 3X-Large Per Dozen, 400, DZ;
LI 006: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 4X-Large Per Dozen, 400, DZ;
LI 007: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 5X-Large Per Dozen, 300, DZ;
LI 008: White 100% Cotton Men’s Briefs Size: 6X-Large Per Dozen, 200, DZ;
Nobody Knows why these men need underwear if they have jeans, but I really don’t want to know why. Mamma always told you to pack an extra pair. Evidently the crisis in South America comes with mothers not teaching their children how to dress.
Glenn Beck today was BEGGING for us to send money to help those poor “children” on the border, so I plan to do my part.
Trey Gowdy has really funny dreams.
Liberals have repeated the morning democratic talking points so often, this man decided to put them all in a video.
Dan Joseph wins the Nobody’s Fool Award for the week, for putting the nonsense in humorous perspective.
It must be nice to be born into the Clinton kingdom, because there is NOBODY else on this planet that would get a first time salary of $600,000 a year. That’s more than a President makes.
But Chelsea Clinton, is making that from MSNBC:
Clinton’s 14 past appearances identified by Business Insider included news segments where she interviewed the Geico gecko and feel-good “Making a Difference” pieces like one on foster grandparents and another on a program to provide therapy dogs to soldiers. She was also interviewed by other NBC reporters about her charity work and role in President Barack Obama’s inauguration. In total, Clinton’s segments from the past 2 years and seven months lasted just shy of 58 minutes.
This means, based on our analysis, Clinton earned $26,724 per minute she was on air. That amounts to $445 per second. In other words, it’s good to be a former (and potential future) First Kid.
This Nobody Wonders: Did MSNBC get its’ money’s worth? (Maybe Hillary should just give up and let Chelsea run.)
When I saw these two news flashes, (see video of Hillary here) the obvious connection between Hillary Clinton saying she was broke and a woman giving birth in the woods could NOT be ignored: So, see if you see the connection too:
First: Hillary’s run for the Presidency is not going to be easy. After all, the democrats have destroyed the economy, and because she was part of Obama’s administration for so long, she has to try to ‘connect’ with the people again. Since Obama ran on the “women’s inequality” last time, it’s getting old. Hillary knows the truth: women are not suffering half as much as married couples and men. Her new theme will be the old communist..(.sorry, progressive) theme of income inequality.
—And Diane Sawyer, of all people, caught her off guard:
DIANE SAWYER, ABC NEWS: It has been reported you’ve made $5 million making speeches, the president’s made more than $100 million.
HILLARY CLINTON: Well, if you — you have no reason to remember, but we came out of the White House not only dead broke, but in debt. We had no money when we got there and we struggled to, you know, piece together the resources for mortgages for houses, for Chelsea’s education, you know, it was not easy. Bill has worked really hard and it’s been amazing to me. He’s worked very hard, first of all, we had to pay off all our debts which was, you know, we had to make double the money because of obviously taxes, and pay you have at debts, and get us houses and take care of family members.
SAWYER: But do you think Americans will understand five times the median income in this country for one speech?
CLINTON: Well, let me put it this way, I thought making speeches for money was a much better thing than getting connected with any one group or company as so many people who leave public life do. struggled to get by”
Ha ha ha ha…Hillary was broke? Is that why she pulled up moving vans to the White House to steal the furniture she couldn’t afford on her own? I seem to remember the Clinton’s raised HUGE sums of money to pay their legal bills from Monica. Not to mention, Bill’s salary was…uh, a bit more than the local Post Master.
Let’s not forget that Bill and Hillary have always lived at OUR expense. Nobody and I mean NOBODY— on this vast planet has lived a richer lifestyle (put them at the TOP of the 1 percent) than Hillary and Bill Clinton.
Nobody—-. Except maybe the Queen of England, but no. Not even her.
Poor Hillary…they had to pay for million dollar mansions…all by themselves.
After leaving the White House, the Clinton’s bought two multi-million dollar mansions. They bought a $1.7 million mansion in Chappaqua, NY so Hillary could claim residence in the state ahead of her 2000 Senate campaign. And another one in D.C that cost twice that.
And then we have the cable channel, Lifetime. It seems Lifetime is going to SHOW America how wonderful it would be if you women would just have your kids in the woods.
Run to the nearest woods, and just…squat.
Lifetime’s new reality show is delivering some controversy before it’s even been born. The network announced Wednesday a new series titled Born in the Wild that chronicles pregnant women giving birth outdoors, unassisted by doctors. “What happens when the craziest experience of a woman’s life becomes truly wild, and soon-to-be parents decide to take on an unassisted birth in the outdoors?” asks the press release. “Born in the Wild will document the journeys of young, expectant parents who have chosen to give birth ‘in the wild.’”
Of course, for the program there will be a doctor present, JUST IN CASE.
How do the OBGYN’s feel about this? Do they even have a say? Won’t this be putting thousands of doctors out of business if this catches on?
So, do you see the connection yet?
To liberals, and wackos feminists like Hillary Clinton, this would be the ultimate “progressive” way to have kids:—-
Out in the woods, next the bike paths, and the community neighborhood gardens, where children out at play, can stop and witness women giving birth, naked. And they will also witness pain, and the suffering all women endure. To all feminists, this is a lesson that many of those little burgers need to learn.
The little ones (and the young teenagers) would be so grossed out at the pain of childbirth that they would learn the most important lesson of all for a feminist: Why suffer? Abort! In a nice hospital. (They will also learn it from this reality program too, and that’s the point, isn’t it?)
Think of how good it would be for the environment. The placenta could be sweep into the nearest tomato patch to fertilize the plants for a better crop. Not to mention starving bears and raccoons having gourmet meals for five or six. Placenta outtake! Wild dog packs would have something to eat besides garbage.
Nature would be so happy.
Better not to be. Natural born citizens don’t get anything compared to the poor suffering little child from nowhere.
So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?
Hilary Clinton? –whose idea of bonding with the poor is telling everyone she was once broke like them? (Unlike Obama, who wants us to think he works out like us.)
Or the Lifetime producers of Born in the Wild, who wants to gross us all out at dinnertime?
If you said Hillary Clinton, you win. You can bet that, not only will Hillary never be disclosing all her Cayman Island accounts, but she probably personally funded the “Born to be Wild” reality programs.
We’ll never know, but we can be sure, Hillary will be curled up in her massive million dollar mansion, happily watching, and counting the days till she’s back on top, back in her sweet White House poverty…again.
Let’s start this fine Sunday morning with a bit of humor shall we? Mark Dice always makes me laugh.
—-Although, as we see here, there is an ignorance from the young that might make you glad you are not going to be around in 50 years. ( And if you are young…?)