Nobody Gets…Email advice:
I might start drinking wine……(Thanks to J.R.)
A glass of wine
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and those who don’t and are always
seen with a bottle of water in their hand:
As a wise man once said:
“In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria”.
In a number of carefully controlled trials,
scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 litre of water each day,
at the end of the year we would have absorbed
more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) – bacteria
found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop annually.
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or rum, whiskey or other liquor)
because alcohol has to go through a purification process
of boiling, filtering and fermenting.
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
than to drink water and be full of Shit .
I’m doing it as a public service
Nobody Gets Email:
Finally. An American willing to do an illegal immigrants job, and even do it better! There’s the answer for the rich…train dogs to clean their houses. Stop the invasion!
Enjoy Jesse. I’ve fallen in love with him.
(Thanks to J.R.)
I can’t tell, is this REALLY a special effect at a restaurant, or just clever video?
Anybody? Hey, I’d like to eat there, at least once.
(Thanks to JR)
Nobody Gets Email
And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in “illegal immigrants,” and add just a few more letters, it spells: “Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English-speaking assholes and takeall those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-screwing, raggedy-ass shithead, ignorant Muslims with you.”
How weird is that?
—-If John Boehner has held the final collapsing of America’s economy by joining with the democrats in passing a $5 trillion dollar debt budget to be passed on to future generations on the same day that it was announced that Trump lost his leadership to Ben Carson— and on the same day of the ever so important second Republican debate, just to make sure that nobody noticed the great treason being done at midnight by their elected officials? Democrats do this all the time.
—-If this treasonous act was done so that the leaders of the republican party would make sure that their man, Paul Ryan, wouldn’t have to do it—-thereby paving the way for his election to House Leader?
—-If Donald Trump truly IS losing to Ben Carson? All this happened in one day. Nothing particularly newsworthy happened to influence his great lead to go up in smoke, and Trump’s crowds have been the biggest of any candidate. Ben Carson has been doing, like Hillary…little luncheons. I don’t buy it. We have seen FOX news basically be completely in the hock for Jeb Bush, and pushing the new party agenda. Is it a lie? Won’t that alone push the ratings out of the roof for tonight’s debate?
—If Windows 10 was given away FREE this year, and the next, in order to influence the Presidential 2016 vote by influencing the news headlines and articles that everyone reads on its main sites. As it’s been pointed out…Google and Bing could be the deciding factor in the next election. I just got Windows 10…the headlines read like Nancy Pelosi is the editor-in-chief.
—-if Hillary Clinton, like Rush Limbaugh suggested today, truly IS going to be our next President, secretly backed by BOTH the NWO republican leadership and the democrats, for the main reason that she is Wall Street’s favorite, Saudi Arabia’s favorite, and a must for the simple reason, that IF any American citizen dares criticizes her, they will be called a misogamist. The Race card will turn into the Gender card. It has worked with Obama. It will work with Hillary. It’s all about keeping that office firmly intact, and in the hands of the fascist/dictator one-party banana republic of Post America.
—–If the attack on bacon is Obama’s gift to his Muslim American friends?
__If the German people will rise up and fight for their homeland?
—If liver detoxes really work, (I’m doing one now) because otherwise, I’m out $100.
—if my dog is still mad at me for giving her a bath?
—if anybody is still reading me?
“I live between a possible nuclear explosion and Ferguson— if one doesn’t get the house, then the looting afterwards will. What are my chances of getting a good rate?” I asked.
He just laughed.
As I got off the phone, I started thinking about my last doctor’s visit, when I told him I just wasn’t feeling really peppy, and he said, and I QUOTE:
“Well, we are all going to die of something.”
His jolly attitude along keeps me trying to stay healthy.
Last Monday, we received the delightful news from just about every media state-run orifice that if you eat any kind of processed meat, you WILL get cancer. It’s official now.
VIA PBS News hour:
Bacon, sausage and other processed meats are now ranked alongside cigarettes and asbestos as known carcinogens, the World Health Organization announced today. Processed meats cause cancer, and red meat likely causes cancer, the health agency says in a new report.
Processed meat now falls into “group 1,” meaning it ranks as high as tobacco smoking, the most dangerous variants of human papillomavirus (HPV) and asbestos exposure in terms of causing cancer. Red meat lands in “group 2A” with inorganic lead.
Research in rodents and human tissue shows meat consumption increases the production of chemical compounds, including haem iron and its chemical byproduct N-nitroso-compounds (NOCs). NOCs cause oxidative damage to intestinal tissue that is carcinogenic. Curing meats elevates the levels of NOCs as well as carcinogenic compounds called polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons. Heating meat leads to the formation of heterocyclic aromatic amines, a known mutagen and cancer-causing agent.
Whoa. Do you really think they are going to stop selling hot dogs at the World Series now? Are the Senators going to ban porterhouse steaks from the Senator lunch room menu? Are we coming to a world where only the one percenters can afford to eat….MEAT? The rest of us will have to survive on protein drinks and energy bars?
Just last week I had read a piece written by a doctor who had diabetes and figured out that the cause of all the type two diabetes was that her patients were not getting enough FAT. Yes, her theory was that eating the wrong kind of fat overloads your pancreas and you make TOO much insulin, and therefore your ability to make insulin shuts off. So, she herself starting eating..the RIGHT kind of fat, and got rid of her diabetes.
What WAS the right kind of fat? Baaaaacon! That’s right. Bacon, eggs, and sausage. And you know what? I have never been much of a breakfast eater, but I have noticed that if I eat eggs and bacon in the morning…I am fueled up for hours, never crave sugar, and feel great.
And now, they want to take that away from us all, by scaring us.
It’s their favorite method of control isn’t it?
Of course they got a bunch of scientist to confirm the findings…and some of it does makes sense, sure. You eat too much of anything, and the crap they pump in the food nowadays is bad for you.
The hormones in the chickens and the cows, and all this ‘chemistry’ is hurting us.
Humans are carnivores. It’s a fact. There is a lot of evolutionary proof that the big brain we developed came about AFTER we started eating meat. The brain is 60 percent FAT. We need all the fat and protein we can get to keep it going.
Honesty. What do you think has more garbage in it for breakfast…one of those ‘protein’ bars you see in every store now, or bacon and eggs? I walked out of my local grocery store the other day and they had THOUSANDS of those bars just waiting to be plucked as soon as you got out of line to go out to your car.
So, to eat meat, or not to eat meat? My husband recently stopped eating processed meat and he lost 40 pounds. There must be something to that right?
Or was it the four Twinkies and six Mountain Dew a day that did it? (I’m going for answer no. 2, but he thinks it the meat. )
Here’s what I remember: A long time ago, I had gotten into a conversation about this very subject with a man I was dating at the time. This man had a scientist brother whose was beyond questioning, a man who would know.
“Lee..” I said. “Do you think humans are really vegetarians, and shouldn’t eat meat? What does your brother say.”
“Oh..absolutely.” he said. “Humans are meat eaters. We need it to survive. My brother would agree.”
His brother was none other than Jonas Salk. The man who invented the polio vaccine.
I think I’ll stick to the scientists I know…the old fashioned scientists who weren’t owned by Al Gore or the World Health Organization.
Besides, i just saw a lady a couple of weeks ago who had reached the grand old age of 105, and was still sharp. When asked her secret she said, “I eat BACON every day! ”
And so we should never forget the words of one of the greatest lines ever spoken by a woman:
‘Where’s the Beef!?” And go on and enjoy it while we still can.
The subject of ‘mental’ illness is being discussed now, due to Obama wanting to use that to get rid of the 2nd amendment, and if they succeed on just that point, that the mentally ill should not be able to get a gun, most of the government would NOT be able to carry weapons.
On that note, a joke from a reader…about the same subject:
Enjoy! Or not.
(Thanks to Tom Beebe)
|Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
Arch and Jan were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Arch suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Jan promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Jan’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Jan the news she said, ‘Jan, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love… I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Arch hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’
Jan replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?’
Happy Mental Health Day!
You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to an unstable friend… Done my part!!!
Since yesterday, the House has been in a Panic! The world as we know it, is about to end! All day long we saw meetings going on, congressmen being called to serve…serve…and SAVE the country!
Evidently, when McCarthy told everyone he was dropping out of the race for speaker, everyone went into shock…and tears.
From The Washington Post:
“It is total confusion — a banana republic,” said Rep. Peter King (R-N.Y.), a Boehner ally, as he recounted seeing a handful of House Republicans weeping Thursday over the downfall of McCarthy and the broader discord. “Any plan, anything you anticipate, who knows what’ll happen. People are crying. They don’t have any idea how this will unfold at all.”
What? There’s no crying in Congress!! What? There’s no crying in Congress!!
What a bunch of divas. What about the American people who are crying about their health care costs?
In the meantime, the rest of the nation is enjoying the most joyous video of the day…thank god for MS Columbia. We’ve had enough crying.
We live in a world bombarded by headlines, and it’s getting unreal. I read so many headline during the day, I have to deheadline myself with a bottle of vodka and two donuts, and …
(just kidding,..I usually just eat ONE doughnut and skip the vodka.)
But, the very first thing I do each day is hop on my computer and read the daily headlines, and NOBODY does headlines better than the Drudge Report.
Since I have NOT been paying attention to headlines today due to the important task of trying to find gutter covers for my gutters…I’ve grabbed today’s headlines ….VIA THE DRUDGE REPORT: (With my usual nobody comments)
HEADLINE: Washington and Moscow can’t agree on definition of ‘terrorist’….
This is news? The Obama administration’s idea of a terrorist is an American who is suspicious of their government, owns a gun, loves the American flag and its history, longs for the days when Miley Cyrus wasn’t naked, and does not want to pay any more taxes. No wonder Putin’s confused. Also, Obama says ISIL– Putin says “Anybody who is trying to overthrow Assad” is a terrorist.
It’s hard to kill a terrorist if you can’t decide who they are.
Obama gets many things confused: like the differences between Islam and Christianity, what the office of the Presidency is legally allowed to do, the difference between ISIL and ISIS, and what plane to take to the golf course to that day. And following THAT headline was..
HEADLINE: Paper: Putin sees Obama’s coolness as weakness.
So do we. We also see his coolness as typical East St. Louis/South Side Chicago, ghetto BS.
This means of course, that the people who elected Obama, are really sorry now, and Sanders it attacking what Obama said he was going to attack, but doesn’t: The rich. In fact, all he does is hang out with them. Those mean and evil rich people. Bernie is for giving EVERYBODY free everything, (Obama only gave out cell phones) which means higher taxes, and basically the collapse of the United States. (okay, so it will just bring it on faster) Bernie…I hate to tell you, but you aren’t going to hurt the very rich. Not now. Not ever. It makes for a great speech though…Keep it up!
HEADLINE: CBS News: Biden Could Decide Presidential Run in Next Week.
He wants to make sure everybody in the country has had a chance to read the news that Hilly has a brain tumor first. Anyway, it’s much more exciting to just keep everybody waiting. No doubt he’ll wait until Christmas and announce it as a gift to his dead son, because Jesus would want it that way.
HEADLINE: HILLARY: LIVE FROM NEW YORK
New York can keep her. She’s might as well be dead, with Bernie’s numbers.
Let them. Monsanto will stick it in their beer. Our great leaders want to make SURE we know how many calories on in our Big Mac, but not the fact that the new organic food you are paying more for, is also…genetically altered by GM. As far as WE know…GM has genetically altered the very clouds above our heads. But then again, I don’t think the EU is going to be around too much longer to even worry about GM any more. They have bigger problems…like how to NOT spill a beer on a Burka.
HEADLINE: Gay former student of Pope Francis’ speaks out
Gay man was surprised that the Pope met with Kim Davis, “It’s just not like him.”
Nobody agrees. This was an act that a REAL Pope would do. The Pope obviously got took a wrong turn in his Pope Mobil. He should have Googled directions.
Have the people stop being obese from soda? NO! So, maybe it’s not the soda that’s making them fat. If we all stopped drinking soda, why are we all still fat? Are we to feel sorry for the soda companies?
If you do, slap yourself. Now Coke and Pepsi sell water….at a higher price. And Monster energy drinks—- Which are probably even worse for you. But..it just goes to show you what happens when you “TAX” food. Just wait till they start taxing your water. Wait…they already do! Okay, wait till they start taxing your fat on your body–and by the way, would you rather pay higher taxes on the fat on your body, or pay triple your heating bill for the rest of your life? Slap yourself again! Soon, you won’t have a choice.
HEADLINE: Immigration To Add 7 People for Every Net U.S. Birth
I saw proof of this today in my local K-Mart. SEVEN little Mexican kids, were playing in the toy isle, and they ALL had the latest and newest Halloween costumes on. Did mom just try them on for size in the store? I had princesses and fairies dancing around me before I even GOT to the Christmas trees. Yes, Bush is right. These people can pop out the babies, and bring the rest in from down under. You want people? No problemo. They are coming….
HEADLINE: Germany faces logistical nightmare as refugee inflows hit record.
Transferring millions across Germany, to each little town takes time, and the Muslims are NOT happy:
“The authorities tell me to sleep and eat. I say ‘give me a job’!” said Afghan-born Mohammad, 24, who grew up in Iran and later moved to Greece. “Everyday I sleep and eat and I don’t like it. I didn’t come here for the food – I have better food in my own country.”
HEADLINE: CNN Turns Mixed Race Oregon Shooter into a White Man
Right. And he hated blacks too. So..why did he go out and kill a bunch of white people who were Christians again? And why does CNN get to alter a man’s skin color?
HEADLINE: Google excited about its new driverless Cars of the Future
Okay, that last one was mine. 60 Minutes had a segment on tonight that showed what Google hopes to be the future of our transportation: Driverless cars.
HEADLINE: 16 Million Cars crash Tuesday, due to anonymous digital hacker…6 million dead.
Why doesn’t Google work on fixing our infrastructure from an EMP attack instead? After all, one missile over our country would put Google out of business for ten years.
That’s a headline we wouldn’t even get to see. Nobody Thinks those young Google Executives are drinking too much…Soda.
Nobody hopes they go back to just drinking beer…from Germany.
Nobody Gets Email
Here’s one I got yesterday….and so, in the tradition of how this Nobody promised to not take myself seriously on weekends, I post it, and thank Mr. Tom Beebe.
My Dear Friend:
We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces. We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington , D.C. Hall of Fame.
We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Barack Hussein Obama, who never told the truth, since Hillary could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else’s money.
So far, the Committee has raised $ 0.16.
Can we count on you??
Like…How did the Pope go on such long rides without having to pee?
Can 200 million Muslims fit into a Prius?
Now that Mars has water, can we open up Guantanamo there, and give Obama the chance to once again let our enemies take a very expensive American asset over to use as his own Club Med for U.S. prisoners?
Will Obama give Castro $1.7 trillion dollars in reparations for the cruel and inhuman treatment by the U.S.A?
Why didn’t Putin take off his shirt in front of the U.N. audience? Or…did he just take it off in front of Obama?
Can we get Trey Gowdy into the Presidential race…is it too late?
Is the GOP National Committee Chair Reince Priebus going to change ALL the primary rules so that the only state that will vote for Jeb, Puerto Rico, will be allowed to kick everything off, by taking over Iowa’s job?
When Raul Castro met with Bill Clinton in New York, did they discuss the possible exchange of Monica for a boatload of life-time Cuban cigars for Bill?
Will we see Obama’s economic plans for the Middle East, and his jobs programs for jihadist before the next election?
Since the United States has allowed 2500 men who went overseas to train with ISIS, come BACK into the country, can we now dismantled the NSA, since clearly, it doesn’t work?
If Rubio can call Trump a “freak show” And Glenn Beck can call Sarah Palin a “clown”…can we now assume that Rubio and Beck had pretty sad childhoods?
Will Hillary’s new grandchild learn to say “Vote for Hillary!” right before her nomination as the democratic pick for President? Will she learn to walk on water before the Presidential election?
Does Newt Gingrich REALLY want his old job back?
Is Rand Paul just jealous of Ted Cruz? Is that why he is always picking on him?
Will they ever put cocaine back in Coke?
Can the Middle States of America just LEAVE the union, and bring back the Constitution, and let California and New York join Puerto Rico as satellite states?
Since Donald Trump boycotted Fox News, nobody has been watching Donald Trump, but then again, nobody is seeing Donald Trump either. Is this a checkmate?
AND—will Ben Carson sneak up on them all while this is going on?
Can we get Ben Carson to operate on Obama’s brain? Is that possible?
Will someone PLEASE outlaw flies? If we must have all these laws, why not a sensible one? (There is one flying in front of my screen right now.)
When Iran attacks Israel, will John Kerry finally get the Noble Peace Prize that he has been working for?
Is Trump really right about Carly Fiona? She is just another corporate Rino?
Are you, like me, worried more about what you don’t see on the news than what you do see?
Can we get Ben Carson to operate on Hillary’s brain?
Would YOU put a chip in your head so that you could find your car keys?
Could it be possible that there are WAY too many Monopoly versions on the market? Does every football caught on the field have to feel like the Pope just blessed a baby?
Can I stop now?
I had to post this today, because in my own family, this is happening. This Nobody (me) has been notified to STOP talking about religion and politics around her family. Of course THEY are allowed to talk about it, usually saying to me, things that cause my eyebrows to raise beyond my forehead line. My right eyebrow is floating somewhere near the Space Station.
In fact, trying to muzzle my own opinions is like trying to muzzle elephants on a rampage. I’m winning my own muzzling so far….but….my eyes might pop out…I might have to say something to someone. Hopefully—I’ll find the nearest lamp post and be allowed to remain in the family.
I thought it was only MY problem…this “We don’t want to be upset about the current state of our country.” so…shut up, until I watched this video.
Is anybody else having this problem in their families?
(Thanks to Mark Dice)
How about some politically incorrect humor today?
Jeff Dunham, so far as we know, is not on any list.
Or is he?
(Thanks Kim )
Nobody Gets MEANINGLESS Email:
(Thanks to J.R.)