Nobody Gets Email
It’s fitting wisdom for a Sunday, don’t you think?
(Thanks to J.R.)
Written by the late Andy Rooney (ex-60 Minutes USA), a man with whom I also disagreed sometimes, had the gift of saying so much with so few words. These are some of those words I think are worth repeating.
I’ve learned…. That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.
I’ve learned…. That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I’ve learned…. That being kind is more important than being right.
I’ve learned…. That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I’ve learned…. That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act
I’ve learned…. That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child
did wonders for me as an adult.
I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I’ve learned…. That money doesn’t buy class.
I’ve learned…. That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I’ve learned… That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I’ve learned…. That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I’ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to
I’ve learned…. That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I’ve learned…. That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter
I’ve learned…. That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I’ve learned… That life is tough, but I’m tougher.
I’ve learned…. That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I’ve learned…. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I’ve learned…. That I wish I could have told my Mum and Dad that I love them one more time before
I’ve learned…. That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to
I’ve learned…. That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I’ve learned…. That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re
hooked for life.
I’ve learned…. That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth
occurs while you’re climbing it.
I’ve learned…. That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
“Human have gotten along millions of years without colonoscopies, I just don’t understand why all of a sudden, you must have a test when nothing is wrong…I mean, why have a procedure that is unnecessary when you feel perfectly fine…especially when you COULD die from it?” I said.
My doctor, just shook his head. Every year, I would go into his office, and every year, he would tell me I should get a colonoscopy. He was PUSHING it. I imagined him making some kind of kickback….It’s not that I didn’t want to experience the pain, after all, I’d gone through a Caesarean, where you wake up and realized that oh..they DID cut through seven layers of muscle…stomach muscles you DO need to walk, who knew? I still remember trying to walk out of the parking lot to the children’s hospital where my newly born son was lying in an incubator…it took me about an hour just to get to the elevator.
…and gall bladder removal, where you realized that nobody will tell you that without the gall bladder, food actually travels at the speed of light through your body, the gall bladder acting as a traffic stoplight…even a snickers candy bar would go into my mouth and come out in a matter of minutes.
And they say the gall bladder is useless. THEY LIE! I was always calling up doctors and saying, “What is this green stuff coming out of me!” Nobody knew. It took a year for the alien gall bladder bile to disappear into probably some other organ in my body— like my ears. I should have called Steven Spielberg.
And most painful of all…I’ve had countless tooth infections, and root canals. Imagine what it must have been like before dentists? Pulling a tooth without Novocaine? Who knows how many wars were started by Kings with serious tooth decay?
What I wanted was my doctor to give me statistics. “Google it.” he said, as I saw him getting madder by the minute. Frustrated. Then he let it out. One of his patients was a mere 40 years old. He had cancer throughout his colon and didn’t even know it. He died. If he had gotten a colonoscopy, he would have lived. He didn’t want me to blame HIM if I had gotten colon cancer.
“Why in the WORLD would I blame you for the colonoscopy that I didn’t get?” I asked.
I guess his other patient did.
But, my real fears came from what I had heard, late at night on the radio. The radio host was really upset about his best friend, who had gone in for a routine colonoscopy, and was now, DYING…in a hospital. And this radio host talked about that for the next week. As far as I know, he is still there…punctured by some evil needle that couldn’t find its way back to the hole it came through.
Stuck. Blood oozing out all over his liver.
Surely, that would be my luck, I thought to myself. Out of the thousands, it would be me.
Even after reading Dave Barry’s famous colonoscopy column (Google it) I just thought..it’s all so unnecessary. O
And then, my wisest and dearest friend told me….do it. And so, I made the appointment.
Can’t be so hard, right?
As the day approached, I didn’t tell any of my friends. I didn’t want to jinx it.
Of course—there were papers that you had to sign….and then I saw it—there it was:
“Death COULD happen to you. ” sign here and relieve us of any charges.
I knew it. ..that mention of death again. They didn’t tell me that when I got my gall bladder surgery.
Drink all you want, and then pour this bottle of stuff in a glass and drink three 16 ounce glasses of whatever you want— but you do this all in just one hour.
You MUST drink all three glasses. And cool…you could mix this laxative stuff with any drink you like. I had SEEN what Coke could do in science class…you can launch a rocket with coke and Alka- seltzer, so I figured, Coke. That will clean ANYTHING out. It works great on car engines. If I’m going to do this, I want to use the most lethal soda on the planet.
Sounds easy right? It’s not. That night, I read two whole books in the bathroom. ….and
The next morning, zombie eyed..you do the same procedure all over again.
I had basically bloated my body with so much water, I could have passed as a floatation device in the nearest ocean.
I went into the office at after noon. I felt at least six months pregnant. My stomach was holding a water baby. As I walked into the office, the admitting nurse was curt:
“Come with me, you have to sign some forms.”
After signing about 1,345 more papers, the nurse looked at me and said…
“Do you want to be resuscitated?”
“What? Is this a trick question?” I asked.
Okay. Now. This was the real reason I didn’t want to be her in the first place, and so, I was right! I could die on that table, and they would look down at the paper I had just signed and say…
“Well, it says here, she doesn’t want to be resuscitated.”
I’m not kidding.
As they reeled me into the room, I looked at the doctor and said,
“I was my first time too,” he said. Meaning, the doctor had had more than one.
Great. Just knock me out. Which they gloriously did. That IS the best moment. They should bottle THAT stuff and sell it on the open market.
As I woke up, the doctor came right in…and so, nothing was wrong. They found a perfectly healthy and exceedingly CLEAN colon to which the doctor was very happy, as I’m sure he was, if you could have seen some of the people who were waiting n the waiting room…I was quick and easy. I wondered if I would have gotten such a clean as a whistle colon HAD I still had my gall bladder.
Was this the happy ending to the story?
Well…there is one thing they don’t tell you. And it’s that they fill you with air.
Yes, like a flat tire being filled, they actually pump you up with air to do whatever they do in the great labyrinth of what is called your intestines, better known as the great highway where no man has gone before.
They blow you up…ha ha! Who knew?
Afterwards the nurse was pressing on my stomach to push the air out.
Funny. The nurse won’t resuscitate, but pushing out air is something they really do like to do.
As I was getting ready to leave the nurse said, “Well, good news! You don’t have to have another one of these for ten more years.”
Don’t tell my doctor. Hopefully, he’ll be too old to remember my name.
O.K. all you pilots out there, is this a real video, or is this fake?
It looks real to me, but even if it isn’t, it’s fun to watch.
Nobody Gets Email
Lars Anderson would be a handy guy to have around in the new Zombie takeover!
I enjoyed this so much I wanted to go out and buy myself a bow and arrow.
(Thanks to Kim Komando)
Nobody Gets Email
I’m sure it’s my female hormones that find this video so amazing, but isn’t this adorable? Two twins try to talk to each other and hold hands for the first time..OUTSIDE the womb.
It’s such a feel good video I had to share it.
I just came across this video, and thought it was one of the strangest rants I had ever heard.
Spalding Gray evidently was a master story-teller, and I just found out about him today.
He committed suicide, as did his mother.
Take a listen, and see if you wonder like I did.. A man with his finger on the nuclear button is doing blue cocaine?
This little video pretty much sums up my day.
Like many people, I wait to the last day almost to get Christmas presents, so today, I told myself, that all my usual daily chores would just have to forget it. (Including my afternoon post) I had to get out of the house and just go do it, and I had one item on the list that was the most important…of course it was for me. :)
Not many people know, and I’m sure NOBODY really cares, that for the last few years, there is one thing I like to do for a few of my friends—I make a video of me singing some song that I know they like. They all pretend and are very nice when they get them, but I’m sure they’d rather have money—- WHICH is why, I’m glad they live far away in other states.
Yesterday, I did managed to record a video of me playing Moonlight Sonata in the dark, with my cool special effects, consisting of that electric lamp that shoots off lighting in a globe that I bought last year at the mall, and you can hardly see me. I really love that fact. I put in a candle for special effects, because frankly, I do not have Steven Spielberg’s number, OR Taylor Dane’s makeup lady. Of course, Murphy has a law that if anything can break at the last minute, it will, and that’s exactly what happened. My old Sony Camera Broke. Poof. $445, I paid for that sucker and it has always given me troubles. You had to put a little disc in it.
I have a thing about camera’s. I never read the directions, therefore I’m always cussing at them.
I STILL have my family’s old 8mm camera down in my basement. I also have two very big JVC camera’s that cost over $1,000, and the battery pack alone would give you a heat stroke. Somewhere in the 1970’s the Japanese camera people got serious. The camera’s became smaller and smaller, and every year, you had to learn something new.
Anyway, being as I always want the best bargains at the best price, I had to go ALL over the county: God forbid I buy something and I could have gotten it cheaper some place else.
I went at this marathon in this order: Office Depot, (Nope) Office Max, (Nope) Best Buy (Nope) Target (Nope), Office Depot, (Nope) Target (Nope) Wal-Mart..WAIT…Yes! I found one!
Unfortunately it was at that Wal-Mart that has mostly Ferguson attendee’s and there I was, standing in line, waiting to be served. As she finished the transaction behind the counter, she saw me, waiting there for her, and so…she turned around and went over to some other guy…sigh. I am NOT one to back down. I followed her, and then I walked right up to her and said.
“I want this camera but you have to get it, it’s locked up.” What could she do? Michelle Obama was the first lady. She, on the other hand— She actually WORKED there. This white women was NOT going to leave her alone. So, she looked, and they were….out.
Forty miles to the next Wal-Mart. At this one I got a white girl, who also said, “We are out.”
“Can you call another store and find it?” I asked. I pictured having to drive to Kansas City.
“No, we don’t do that. They wouldn’t answer anyway.”
Back in the car, to the NEXT Wal-Mart, which was another 30 miles. Luckily, I got a manager who had the bad misfortune of being in the camera department. He was nice, and actually called another store (He didn’t have it either) but….he had…NINE of these camera’s
That was another 35 miles. Of course, I got lost.
Okay, GREAT! I have a camera, and I’m finally going to read the directions. Just do it. But it’s just a small little bitty thing, and it says: turn it one, put the plug in here. That’s about it. It was saying to me, “IF you are over 34 do NOT even buy this. Everybody in the universe knows this stuff.”
Don’t get me wrong. I’m pretty happy so far because you can fit the darn thing in the palm of your hand. Tonight I downloaded the manual…all 3,203 pages of it.
I might not make it by Christmas.
To top off the day, I did hear King Obama come out and ostracized Sony more than Kim Jung Un, and apologize to Castro, and say that race relations are better now than when he became President, and that he will deal with all problems, but not now. When he feels like it. He’s going to Hawaii, and then when he comes back, he will go on being King.
So tonight….you know what I’m really thankful for?
I was NOT the cameraman that had to film Obama’s speech today. I don’t care how much that camera cost, I might have thrown it on the floor.
So enjoy this video with me. It’s calming, it’s cute. It’s…..
Reminds me to have a shot of tequila.
Nobody Gets Email:
Since I like to post something on Sunday which are uplifting or beautiful in nature, I was surprise to see this; Fly Geyser, in Nevada.
John Travolta should have visited instead of the largest rubber band ball on his way to Chicago.
It really is beautiful, isn’t it?
(Thanks to JR)
They could be pictures of another planet or the set of a science fiction movie. But it is in fact an amazing phenomenon created by accident in the middle of the Nevada Desert . The otherworldly images show Fly Geyser, a little-known attraction described as one of the most beautiful sights in the state. Located 20 miles north of Gerlach, in Washoe County , it was accidentally created in 1916 during well drilling. The geothermically heated pack of water found a weak spot in the wall in the 1960s and began escaping, creating a geyser. Over the years, dissolved minerals created the mound that water now spews up to five metres from. The geyser contains several terraces discharging water into 30 to 40 pools over an area of 30 hectares (74 acres). Multi-coloured: The rainbow effect is created by minerals in the water reacting with oxygen in the air. These ponds are forming an ecosystem, with small fish and birds such as swans and mallards enjoying the geyser. David Jamison, who gives tours to the geyser said: ‘I’d like to see more people be able to enjoy it. ‘When I saw it for the first time it wasn’t this big. This whole area’s kind of magic, there’s no airplanes here or cars. It’s just peaceful and quiet, all these beautiful mountains around. And the sound of the water.’ Fly Geyser is located on private land and is locked behind a closed gate and a fence topped with barbed wire. It is rarely open to the public but can be viewed from the road.
Nobody Gets Email:
You gotta LOVE fighter pilots!
And by the way, I am no longer mad at the fighter pilot who took my shoe off me while I was singing at the Cheshire Inn, and spent the night drinking vodka out of it at the bar, and wouldn’t give it back.
Seriously, I forgive you.
(Thanks to Kim Komando)
Nobody Gets Email
This woman is GREAT! I hope I have the same attitude at 77. Of course, my weight lifting is around 10 pounds. I think I should punch it up a notch, after watching Willie Murphy. I’m going for…okay…twenty.
This woman is an inspiration for us all.
(Thanks to Kim Komando)
Here’s something to talk about around your family Turkey dinner…the 10 worst business decisions.
I’ll add one more: Don’t go shopping in downtown Ferguson on Black Friday.
Have a GREAT Thanksgiving everyone!
Here’s two wedding pictures that are unique in their own way—one photographer captured a tornado, the other, a herd of deer.
The last one is mine. Taken by a Mexican waiter one hour after the wedding. While my wedding pictures were not professional, they cost nothing.
Those were taken 22 years ago–My dress…was old, our rings were all together $100 dollars at Grandpa Pigeons, the preacher and the little church, $100, dinner for four at Casa Gallardo —(my two best friends and us)–$100. Flowers…$10.
All together our day cost $310, below the price of both those wedding dresses!
HA! (Okay, so I had BIG hair.) But, I AM frugal!
Still—- to have wedding pictures with tornadoes and deer in the background? I would have paid.
For those of you who have more than one dog, this scene will be just like your own home movies.
My dogs do this every single day. In our house, my husband is the “alpha” and we have two female dogs, so to them, I’m just the other member of the female pack. It’s HIS attention that brings the brownie points.
And so, when he pets one dog, the other dog will try all KINDS of tricks to get that spoil rotten dog who is getting all the attention out the door.
She will bark like crazy, growl, dance, steal treats, and if that doesn’t work, she just lays her head down and looks depressed. It’s always funny.
What’s even funnier is the comments about this video on Youtube from people—one person said it was animal cruelty.
Obviously a feminist.