Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

WHO Are We Stimulating?

Nobody Gets Email on Saturday Night:
While I was listening to some woman today, talking at one of the many union meetings, I was thinking about this email. She was upset that her unemployment ran out. I guess those stimulus dollars just didn’t get to her. Many are still shouting “Where’s the Beef?” Maybe they should be saying, “Where’s the stimulus?” Where oh where did it go?
 
I got this email early last week…I think whoever wrote this is even more of a cynic than this nobody. I hope he keeps it up…I need the competition. (no, well..)  
Email of the week: Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another economic stimulus payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:
 
 Q: What is an economic stimulus format?
 A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q: Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q: So the government is giving me back my own money?
A: Only a smidgen of it.
Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q: But, isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
 A: Shut up.
 
Below is helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus checks wisely:
 
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* If you spend it on gasoline the money will go to the Arabs.
*If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan, or China.
*If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
*If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan.
*If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
 
INSTEAD…keep the money in America by:
1. Spending it at yard sales..or
2. Going to ball games…or
3. Spending it on prostitutes..or
4. Beer…or
5. Tattoos.
 
These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.

Conclusion: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale, and drink beer all day! No need to thank me, I’m just glad to be of help.
(Thanks to Tom Beebe)

February 26, 2011 - Posted by | China, Money, Stimulus

4 Comments »

  1. Okay…how about tomorrow? But you should know, I have no tatoos.

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    Joyanna Adams's avatar Comment by joyannaadams | February 26, 2011 | Reply

  2. Can’t wait to go to a yard sale with you…….

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    Pattie's avatar Comment by Pattie | February 26, 2011 | Reply

  3. For some strange reason I do not seem to have had even a look at all this stimulus cash.

    We had a huge dollop of it from the Guvmunt a year or two back – Oz Labor pollies following Obama like sheep – but it seemed to go to single-mothers, prisoners and Ozfolk living overseas. Oh, and dead people.

    Not being in these groups, I didn’t get a cent.

    I have never received a ‘termination’ payment when leaving a job.

    No, I lie. I do get a pension from the military in the UK. That’s cuz I spent twenty odd years doing nasty things to the Queen’s enemies, though just why so many people did not like Elizabeth I do not know. She seems a nice old duck to me. Indeed, she calls me her ‘Trusty and Well Beloved’. I have that on my Commission.

    So, since leaving the grossly underpaid RAF where I was paid one third of the going rate for my fellow civilian professionals (with ten times the danger) I have been getting a modest boost – a stimulus,to my meagre treasury – for quite some time. It currently runs at double what I was paid when I was a steely-eyed killer of furriners and those buggers were shooting at me (on behalf of the Queen). Indeed, since leaving the service 28 years back I have netted some twice as much in pension as i did in pay.

    So, I guess I can’t complain. Indeed, I don’t. The world is mad enough without my telling it that it is. I will just shut up and keep catching up.

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    Amfortas's avatar Comment by Amfortas | February 26, 2011 | Reply

    • Well, if anyone deserves the nice retirement it you, the Trusty and Well Beloved.

      I’d say, she was one lucky gal to have you as her guardian.

       

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      Joyanna Adams's avatar Comment by joyannaadams | February 26, 2011 | Reply


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