Joyanna Adams

To Debit, or NOT to Debit? OR…

Nobody Wins

Let me confess: I LOVE my debit card. Yes, I remember the old days, back when men were men, and women washed diapers by hand…when you had to carry all that nasty cash around in your pocket. When you were at the store, you had to get out your wallet, and pull out the ten or twenty, and then you got change. SOME of us actually remember that.

Somewhere around the end of the twentieth century, even finding the correct change to give the cashier would get you at least five dirty looks from the people standing behind you. So, most people came home and threw the change in a big jar, heaven forbid they should hold up ANY line. This small change would later would put their sons through college.

Ha! Never again!

The women got the worst of it back then, because the men will only carry the bills. No man wants to be seen with a big LUMP in their pockets, (unless of course, you are a Weiner) which meant the women had to put all the coins, pennies, and quarters in her purse. It was the original “trickle down” concept to which later, Ronald Reagan based his financial budget policy on. The man spent the money, (Okay, we give them the credit for earning it…) and then the woman took all those drips of nickels and dimes that trickled down to her…and hid them from the man, Then, she would take those big jars, and use the money to buy clothes and shoes, which she also hid.

Are you kidding? Women are reincarnated squirrels. This secret hoarding went on for years. The last thing a man will do is venture into a woman’s closet, least you get caught admiring a dress.

Notice, I said…”Man”

If you didn’t have any money on you, you wrote a check. This got at least TEN people behind you wanting to shove you in a cart and roll you into the frozen food section. Remember, checks USED to be issued free to bank customers. Some banks even threw in toasters and guns for your business!

HA! Never again!

Now, you have to buy your checks, at triple-inflationary prices!

But, something HAD to be done about all this free cash floating around, sooooo, one day, someone at some bank decided, why not make a “debit” card so that the poor people wouldn’t have to stand in line anymore? They could just flick the one card through the machine, and the machine would say “ok!” and you were on your way, leaving lots of room in women’s purses for hair spray, dog treats, fashionable shoes, workout clothes, and baby wipes.

Did you ever wonder why the women now are fatter? It’s because they stopped dragging around bags full of heavy coins. “We have to give up something for progress.” said the bankers.

And the bankers were right. Now, a whole nation is hooked on debit cards. It’s easy, it’s fun, it’s so fast….and we can spend as much as we want and even more, and to make things even greater, we can go online to our bank accounts and see ALLLLLLLLLL the money we spent and how much it cost, and what we bought…and somewhere in cyberspace anyone can see just what where we bought it, and if there was sex involved.

You think the empty water bottles are a problem? It doesn’t even compare to the trail of every transaction being done every minute of the day. Yes, a huge paper trail of debit card transactions dominate the universe.

Nobody Thinks the great records of every transaction every man and women in the world have made, are hidden in Las Vegas, and under Harry Reid’s beck and call to sell this important information to the highest bidder—which is China. What? Do.you think we only sold them our garbage?

And now that they know everyone LOVES their debit card, it’s time to tax it every time you use it.

WHAT?

To make things fair, our bankers have decided that if you are a millionaire and buy a yacht for $250,000, and use your debit card…that transaction will only cost you 23 cents. (if our Congress has its way) And if you are a mere nobody, and want to buy a Slurpee at your local quickie mart for 99 cents, that transaction will cost you…23 cents.

It’s the hope and change that Obama promised!

Once again, the banks are NOT going to make much money off the millionaires, they aren’t millionaire for nothing you know, how do you think they got that way? Our “government” buttheads have to come up with some way to “tax’ the people.

The rich guys who own them, said, “You’d better figure out a way FAST, to save the banks!” Yes, the banks are in trouble—which means less money for the people who need lots of it. People are paying off their credit cards and the great profit from credit card fees is dwindling.

So, in comes the Federal Reserve: To save the merchants, it will price freeze the cost that the credit cards like Visa and MasterCard can charge them for each transaction. The banks will lose a big bulk of money, and so..they will charge you now for using a debit card. In other words, for using your own money. Pass the loss onto the customer.

No more toasters, no more crooks, no more banker’s dirty books.

Think: how many times a day do you use your debit card? On a average shopping day, I can go up to six to seven stores, that’s another $1.61 that the bank makes off me. I figure if I use my debit care just every other day, the bank will make around $300 dollars a year. Multiply that by 300 million and they make…

Now see, this is the problem. I can’t use my $1.00 calculator that I bought at the dollar store with my debit card to do this math. And that’s what they are counting on.

The little banks will be hurt by this, BECAUSE, many people will just take money out of their banks again and start paying cash. They will hide their money in grandma’s old underwear drawer. And those little banks will lose money, but the bigger banks, will have Uncle Bernanke to bail them out.

Like I said, I LOVE my debit card, but if the Feds get their way again, I’m going back to my hoarding, squirrely ways. And I know LOTS of places to hide my money.And if you come into my house looking for it, I’m saving you the trouble. My grandma is dead, and I… don’t wear underwear.

HA! Never Again!

June 1, 2011 - Posted by Joyanna Adams | budget, capitalism, economy, Federal Reserve | budget