Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Who Invented Email?

Nobody’s Opinion

Once upon a time, there was some guy who decided he was tired of licking stamps and sending out form letters for his company. That was his job you see. He was also tired of getting up every moment and having to walk clear across the office to just tell his buddy about how he scored with the blond at the bar last night…his boss was always watching him leave his desk. There’s only so many times you can borrow a pen.

So, that’s when, he invented “EMAIL.” (We will keep the name of the company they worked at secret.)

Soon, all the people in the office were using it. And then after a while, somebody found that in cubicle there was a woman who loved to draw little funny faces on her desk. SHE then added her own touch to the emails: and called them…emoji’s. Sure, they were silly, but this lady had the nicest tits so the guys put up with it, even though they wanted more tits in those emoji’s, she didn’t want the PR department to come down on her…so they stayed, and became so popular everybody used them.

Before you could watch a chicken hatch an egg, soon the internet was FILLED with emails. Why you could send a letter without a stamp clear across the world for free! It was fantastic. Everybody was emailing and nobody could live without it.

The post office lost a LOT of money, so Congress had to add it’s loss on to the deficit. But no matter…another trillion? No big deal. The FED took care of it. That’s their job.

The email system went great until ONE day, some little guy in a place called silicon valley, a valley filled with silicon people, thought they could sell the idea of all companies ASKING for your email address, before you could do business with them. WHY…just think…you could even read those emails and sell the information to other companies!

A new business model was born…and some guy named Zuckerfacetime got so rich upon all this collecting of information on his sites that he bought the whole Island of Hawaii…where he now rules by email.

Nevertheless, while it was the greatest idea since they decided to take down the Berlin wall, they left the wall of email being collected in every single computer ever written…those walls, the collection of millions of business BS emails, they left up. Truman is dead…sorry about that.

Most of it is now, on my computer.

I once had 5 emails accounts. Each account got over 60 emails a day. Sometime around Obama’s great speech in Chicago, where Oprah cried REAL tears, I just stopped erasing them. Seeing Oprah cry was too much for me to bear. Last time I looked…there were over 90,000 emails and up in each one I had. ALL filled with business emails sent by companies.

Since I only have a few friends, I gave up. If I wanted to talk to them, I just called them.

BUT…as you know, I got hacked. This hacker didn’t want me to send any email out…no…he was the jealous type.I mean—if I got a letter from a male friend, that was it. He took over all my email accounts, erase them all, and I now have to forget them. How DARE I talk to any man but him.

Okay….jealousy…at least I as safe from physical harm. BUT…..

I’m not sure where all those poor unread emails went. To the cloud? Anyway, I’m pretty sure, there are many people NOW who are using my email. I called my internet provider and complained.

“Uh…you have at least 10 email addressed on this email account.” they said.

“WELL…get rid of them! I am the only one that pays for your service and the original one..read them to me.”

“Uh…I can’t do that.” he said. He couldn’t even TELL me who they were!

Right. I pay every month for Spectrum…and I no longer have email. I can’t send one or receive one. I even put up two NEW ones…they are gone too.

What’s the point to this story you may ask?: While many inventions are wonderful, if you don’t have a set of instructions and warnings they can ruin your life. In fact, it would have taken me years to get rid of all those emails. No matter what email system I used and I tried them all.

By the way, I know people who have it all organized. My friend Barb, and Elon Musk. Who says he has the whole system worked out.

I hate them both.

My question is: Does technology ALWAYS advance the progress of humans? Sure, it’s free…and it’s wonderful…but like a mudslide it can catch up with you and you spend at least more hours answering email than sleeping. That’s half your life! I wanted my hours back, so I just quit messing with it.

Like any collection of trash…it piled up. My millions of emails are in email trash heaven.

I hope they suffer.

As we all know from the invention of the atomic bomb…there’s always an up side and a down side to any technological advancement.

The kids, they all come out of the womb with email. The mother will get an email from her newborn baby someday, if Elon gets his way, fresh out of her womb, while lying on the bed. She will receive it in her chipped head from her new born child and it would say, “Did you HAVE to crave oreo cookies? Look how FAT I am! 10 pounds!”

This could be a satire, but don’t tell anybody yet.

President Trump still has to make it to the White House.

And by the way, IF you send me an email…I won’t get it. That is NOT satire. That is a fact. Not many of those around anymore, have you noticed?

So, who invented email? I don’t care. I have only so many hours left on the planet and there are now so many apps to send messages on, email might become old tech someday. BUT…

You DO need it. Of course you do. And I don’t have it at all.

I will alway blame the guy who had that great night with the blond…it’s his fault. Where ever he is, I hope she never emailed him back. Really, Instant karma would make me feel alot better.

If you know who that guy was? Send me a message on What’s App. and then say…did you get it?

November 10, 2024 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | Leave a comment