Joyanna Adams

My Greatest Regret: Phoenix Stars

The other day while scrolling on X, I saw this question: What’s your biggest regret?

I wondered what most people would say: I messed up my first marriage: I drink too much: I wish I hadn’t made my kid go to college: I shouldn’t have moved to California: I should have just gotten my dying dad out of that hospital during Covid: I shouldn’t have worn my cowgirl hat to that important business meeting in Hartford, and have all the men look at me as if I was from Mars.–my mother warned me.

(You should always listen to your mother.)

I shouldn’t have let the dog have fun with that $40 shoe.

You know the typical stuff you read.

But, here’s where I get weird: My biggest regret? One word– Phoenix.

Phoenix was one of my biggest regrets. And I STILL think about it.

I’m not sure how many years ago this was, I try to forget it. I used to fly out to Scotttsdale/Phoenix from St. Louis to see a doctor named Mark Starr. I had read his book on Hypothyroidism Type 2, and he became my doctor. On the last visit, my husband and I went up to see Frank Llyod Wright’s house. Our plane left in 6 hours. I thought we could squeeze it in. That’s me sitting out in front.

When we got there, it was closed (darn) but sitting outside on the wall was a young woman, waiting for an Uber. She had been waiting for an hour. As we sat with her, we watched the sunset over the city, night came quickly, and I had to make a most important decision of my life: Because you see, I had wanted to go out into the desert to see the stars. For just ONCE in my life..to see all the stars that I had seen in pictures of the Milky Way, my heart had wanted this for all of my life, ever since I first noticed the universe sitting in the backseat of Dad’s car, with my blankie, looking up and realizing just how puny, small, and insignificant I really was. I was…nothing. Nothing. Where did all that come from? I also knew, that not only me, but my parents and just about everyone else on the earth was outnumbered. We were all nothings in my little mind. I hide under my blanket. Scared. “Dad what are those?” I asked.

My dad was kind, “Oh, those are stars.” he said calmly. The moment was etched in my brain as if the fire had burned that image forever. I STILL remember that moment.

So…just once, before I died, I wanted to see stars. REALLY see the stars. Not just a few points of light in my backyard. I knew I’d probably never get another chance. I wanted to fly out to the desert lay on the ground, look up, and be in total wonder of the universe. My heart was racing. It was a horrible moment in my conscious. Surely, leaving the woman alone is just…wrong. I knew it. I aslo knew I could not do it. I’d been in too many bad situations, and I just couldn’t. I’d hate myself.

But there was a problem. That lady was NOT going to be picked up. The desert was at least a 2 hour drive. If we didn’t leave right away, we’d miss our flight back. My husband I knew, did NOT want to make the drive. And I, I had to make the decision. Do I leave this poor woman all alone out here in the dark? She had no other ride but uber. Or us. Or do I just leave and see the stars?

So, in about an hour, another uber driver finally made it to pick her up, and we made it to our flight.

Well, you can guess, I did the RIGHT thing. But to this day, I wonder…should I have gone against all the very being of my fiber and said “Screw it, let’s go. Hope you make it home” or did I do the right thing?

Well, yes. It was right. Still, talk about regrets. Oh my. It haunts me to this day.

Wednesday night, the Geminid Metero Shower will be seen, if you care to go look. Nothing is cooler than seeing a “falling” star. Wishes are made. Laugher is usually followed. And that’s about as close as I get to it.

I remember once, when my son was about 9, he had one of his best little buddies spend the night. This kid was a pip. Josh Davies. I must admit, he was my favorite of all his friends. When he spent the night, I never knew what those two would get up to. One morning when Josh slept over, I went out to get the mail, It was 5 in the morning and they were both hiding in my bushes in the front yard.

“Have you guys even BEEN to bed?” No, of course not. You can tell I’m not exactly a ‘perfect’ parent. There’s too much kid in me.

So, I love kids. So when Josh visited again I said, “Hey, do you guys want to go up on the roof and watch the falling stars.?” Are you kidding! They were as excited as I was.

We took blankets, some munchies, and got a ladder and climbed up on the roof (carefully) and watched the show. Falling stars. Wish, laugh. We had the BEST of times. So much fun Josh told his parents what we did. I’m sure his mother really was…annoyed, but his Dad was cool about it.

“I’m sorry really, I made sure they were safe, really. Sorry.”

So yes, I’ve seen a few showers. But the kind you see in the pictures? sigh. Iput them on my wall.

Since most of us can’t see us who live in the cities, we just ignore it. Machio Kaku, explained it well. Most of us are just a bunch of fishes underwater, and never look up. It’s just a pretty night.

We leave it to our science fiction writers, astronauts, explorers, and scientists, to give us a taste of the mystery of the stars. Star Wars, Star Trek….Doctor Who. We watched them all and dreamed.

Someday, I hope to see the first man step on the moon again. And then Mars.

Elon Musk will do it. You know he will. I just hope I am around to see it.

I really don’t want any more regrets. Do you?

December 12, 2023 Posted by Joyanna Adams | Uncategorized | Leave a comment