The 12 Days of Gifts for Our Politicians

Nobody Flashes

It’s a fact: While the Congress is arguing about whether to let us all “keep” our money, we must remember that a big majority of our fine leaders actually got richer during this recession. So keeping in the Christmas spirit, I’ve decided to “wonder” just how the rich might use their money. It’s the 12 days of Nobody Wonders What the rich will get for Christmas.

1. There is one thing we do know, and we learned it from Donald Trump: if you’ve got it…flaunt it! And so somebody did. Here we see that they pasted a 1 million dollar bill along a highway just to let us scrubby people struggling to pay for their kid’s dental bills that some people have LOTS of these suckers and use them for starting their fireplaces. To Bill Gates, a $250,000 Lamborghini would be the same to the average person as spending 63 cents. Personally, I think Glenn Beck put this up, because he hates Woodrow Wilson. If I were rich, I’d buy this billboard and put in on the Capital Steps.

2. Nothing  says love like a diamond in a piece of Chocolate.  Why give a girl a ring? Just give her the diamond and let it melt in her mouth. Or chip her tooth. How is she going to show her friends? What if she puts it in her purse and the chocolate melts, and she loses the diamond in her purse? Well, that’s what I would do. I’d put it in my purse, go to the beach, and tell my rich husband, “Oh, honey,…it melted. I JUST can’t find the diamond. I need another one. Yep, that’s what Nancy Pelosi would do. Better not show here this: she will insist all her chocolate covered strawberries that she is supplied on her tax-funded airplane have diamonds on top.

3.  Somewhere, there is a perfect match for this very expensive wooden head with the long nose. I’m sure Obama would appreciate this fine example of art from his native land.  Pinocchio never looks so…humble.

4. If those Hollywood people get really smart..they’d just buy this Island boat and give it to the President so that he doesn’t have to keep spending our hard-earned money flying to Hawaii. He could park this right outside his house on the Potomac. Really, think of the mony they would save us. (At the very least, he should have the courtesy to use Hotwire coupons!) We’d all have more money to go to their movies. It’s a win/win situation. Somebody call Spielberg.

5. Gold shoelaces. Who doesn’t need a pair of these? This is something to get all those NBA stars who worked so hard this year. All those games…all those missed shots. If they had just given those guys some gold shoelaces the season would have been right back on track. Why those big bosses didn’t think of this, is beyond me.

6. Here we have a MUST for every rich person on the planet. A car, that flies. Sure…it looks like a toy. But rich people are the LAST people who want to wait on those pesky airport terminals. Or sit in planes for hours before takeoff. OR pay Obama’s new taxes on private planes. This will get them wherever they want to go, without having to sit in traffic, and they won’t have to ever get in a taxi smelling of human vomit ever again.

 7. Oh come on. Every Senator wants one of these. You know it. A crystal toilet. John. Lew…or to put it more succinctly for our elite leaders…”throne.” Nobody would be surprised if they are already installed. You can be sure that is ONE thing, they would all vote for to pass. If the American people could bribe the Senate to actually pass bills for the American people, we would gladly PAY for these to be put in all their private offices. Trust me, it would be a lot cheaper than them doing their daily..nothing. We’d all come out ahead.

8. Special delivery for the President. His own desk set, complete with historical significant: for his continual inspiration.

9. You know, the rich have all the gadgets in the world: the latest technology, every Apple gadget ever produced, and in Bill Gates case, Leonardo Da Vinci’s sketches. BUT…they do NOT usually have the largest book in the world! Why wait? This would look lovely in the living room of Oprah Winfrey. After her recent cable bomb, she needs something to do.

10. Oh…everyone has to have a pair of these. Gold Golf clubs. The only problem with these, is you need a solid gold golf ball to use with these. I mean, how stupid would you look pulling these beautiful solid gold clubs out of your bag and then, you go hit some cheap little white plastic ball! How..crash. How..absurd. And of course, those things on the bottom are meant to slice up the grass with every drive, in order that all the golfers coming behind you will look down at all the deep holes in the course and say, “Yep…Tiger played today. Looks like Obama was with him!.”

11. Every rich man is getting this for his wife for Christmas. And I can see why. Not only is it covered in diamonds, it keeps your wife from seeing your mistress who spent the night in bedroom 345…and also, prevents her noticing that you did not get her a real mink for Christmas but an imitation. You gave the real one to the mistress.

12. And last but not least, this is a must for every  democratic member of the house and Senate. I’m listening to Obama as I type this, and ONCE again, he threatens to take our money if we do not do what he says. Of course, he blames the house Republicans. Obama needs this desperately: Let him start screwing something else besides the American people

Bah…humbug.

December 22, 2011 Posted by Joyanna Adams | humor | Humor | 1 Comment