Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Nobody Flashes the REAL Criminal….And Cool Song

Nobody Flashes

This is SUCH a catchy song, I just had to play it again.

Enjoy!

December 8, 2017 Posted by | Hillary, humor | | 2 Comments

Nobody Flashes: A Father’s Wedding Gift…Laughter and Wisdom

Nobody Flashes

I was going to wait until Sunday to post this, but after reading my columns all week, I think a good laugh is in order.

This father is great. You can bet, that when “God” takes this father, they will need to find a bigger church.

If you haven’t seen this: You’re missing one of the greatest father’s wedding speech of all time:

Enjoy!

(Thanks to Tom Beebe)

November 24, 2017 Posted by | humor | , | Leave a comment

Nobody Flashes “The Most Wonderful Time In Eight Years!”

Nobody Flashes

Some GOOD cheer from me for a change.

Enjoy!

Won’t be long before Christmas is here. I actually bought a turkey today.

 

 

November 3, 2017 Posted by | humor | , , | Leave a comment

Nobody Writes A Letter to U.S. Congressmen

Nobody’s Opinion

I was going to write about this last week…the naked lady statue issue…but then Las Vegas happened, and it was put on the back burner. And so…. trying to reinvigorate the subject of naked statues… after so many were killed and injured seems almost…ridiculous.

So, I decided to write a letter instead…to my Congressmen.

After all, what are they doing nowadays besides nothing?


Dear Congressmen:

As an American citizen who believes in the Constitution, and who has been paying your salary along with my other countrymen all my life, I think, as a woman, I should have a say in what you decide to put up on display in our Capitol.

After all, it IS our Capitol too, is it not? Rumor has it that soon, there will appear on the National Mall, a giant naked, woman. One that NOBODY will be able to miss. Probably one who is very well endowed and good-looking, unlike most of the liberal women who walk the streets of D.C. So….

Whose bright idea was it to put a giant naked woman right out in the open for all the little school kids to see? I heard the “park” services have already approved it.

What? Is this another attempt to ‘merge’ us with the Vatican and the EU? Pacify Black Lives Matter?

We can go to Italy and see the Masters…is this artist a “master?”

The artist says it’s a statement to “empower” women. REALLY? How many ugly, and fat woman are going to be ‘empowered’ by seeing another “perfect” body being displayed to remind them that they are rejects?

Idiots. You just ‘empowering” men to more excitement. As if we didn’t have enough porn in our movies, now you need to put it near our national monuments?

And tell us again…WHY is that?

And being that you are so concerned about the dear Muslims, wouldn’t that offend…the Muslims?

And speaking of Muslims, one of the reasons Game of Thrones is so popular is because there are a lot of naked women on that show. Come on, it’s like when men say, “I read Playboy for the articles.”

Sure. If that was the case, America would not have produced so many of the men who walk the halls of our the Capitol.

Game of Thrones, the most popular TV program, IS nothing but a story about sex and power, a perfect mirror of Washington D.C., (And Hollywood) and yet…do the naked women in D.C. have dragons at their command in case we have more Wieners in office?

I don’t think so. Nancy Pelosi doesn’t count.

Okay. You could laugh if it was actually funny. The feminists are beyond hypocrisy, are they not?

The “sexual” revolution didn’t ‘free’ women at all. If anything, it left them more hopeless than ever before. All that statue says to me is “Hey, we like you better if you were all naked!”

The ‘revolution’ message to me was:  We are not thinking beings, we are just horny toads, BOTH sexes can be mindless and hedonistic, forget the consequences.

Along with the equality of women— lawyers can now make more money off of divorces, child support, and custody battles, it’s a win/win for the democratic party.

Add to that the BIG money for planned parenthood and abortion clinics, because GOD FORBID we should saddle those young women with a baby with all this free sex stuff. (Remember, Obama?)

Yes, President Obama who didn’t want his daughters to be stuck with a child, but who lets them work for Harvey Weinstein, a now known serial sexual predator, probably thinks this is a good idea.

(Come to think of it, that statue looks a bit like a purple Michelle Obama….where’s her hair?)

I’m thinking maybe a statue of a naked Harvey Weinstein should go up right next to her, Add a naked President Bill Clinton to the other side.

Let’s have a ‘teaching’ moment, if that’s what the women are trying to point out.

And since little kids will now be encouraged to think about sex at 5 or 6 when they see this statue, why not legalize marriage for women before puberty?

Wait! The Muslims have already done that….

Well…sex sells. Even cheerleaders now can fulfill that sexual fantasy guys…I’m expecting these girls to be at the next Super bowl.

Wait, that’s already been done by Beyoncé.

Gee, I really am behind the times.

I’m not saying we should go back to the Victorian age, but putting statues of naked ladies in our Nation’s Capital where millions of kids can see the naked woman’s body for the first time?

You really think that’s a good idea?

Or, are you, as O’Rourke claimed long ago…just a parliament of whores, and need to be represented?

In that case, I suggest you move it into statuary hall, to be with the other whores.

So, Dear Congressmen.

If you go along with this, under the guise that it is “freedom of speech” and you do NOT protect the nation’s children who have enough problems on their little minds without having to be exposed to naked women, (god knows they’ve been exposed to enough sex by the D.C. politicians) then I suggest you put a naked man right next to her.

Anthony Wiener is ready. He would be thrilled to ditch the boxers, I’m sure.

If the “pussy” brigade artist thinks that a giant naked woman sets women free, then I suggest he get himself one of those new sex robots, because god knows, I as an American citizen do NOT want that man to procreate.

Only God could save those genes.

Do your job, Congressmen. Surely, you can find time to just say “No”.

You are SO good at that. 

Sincerely,

A concerned wife, mother and American citizen.

 

October 8, 2017 Posted by | American History, humor, sex, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

Nobody Could Solve the Problem With a Little Bit of Humor

Nobody Flashes

Okay, I have it. I have a way to solve this whole ugly, messy, nasty, fight between the black football players and their VERY angry followers.

BEFORE the National Anthem is played, they could all come out and kneel, then stand up, and this song should be blasted throughout the stadium.

And THEN, those same football players could, grab each other shoulders, line up, and do this Greek Dance…to Zorba the Greek.

Wouldn’t that simply be hilarious? Wouldn’t that make you just want to forgive them?

Okay. So that will never happen. But in a sane world, if this Nobody owned a football team, I would tell the players they would have to do this ( as a form of asking forgiveness for being such idiots) or else they wouldn’t get paid.

Pretty simple. If they refuse, then, let them get a lawyer.

Go ahead, picture it in your mind…good idea huh?

All nonsense aside, I grew up on Herb Alpert, simply because my brother was a professional trumpet player, and every Christmas he would buy ME a Herb Alpert album.

Right. Just what I wanted. But, I had to admit looking back, the guy truly was a talent.

Zorba the Greek. I wonder, if the Greeks still dance to this?

Enjoy…and feel free to give it a try next time you celebrate…..anything that looks like America has gone back to sanity.

(Might be a while.)

September 29, 2017 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

P.T.S.D.: Post Trump Sex Disorder and How to Cure it.

Nobody Wonders

You might wonder: Joyanna, how can you be so…weird? Where do you come up with some of these wild conspiracies?

If you must know,  I make it a point to read every day, and I make it a point to read a wide variety. I read in the morning, in the bathroom, in my office, online, in the car, in my bed, sitting at the doctor’s office, dental chairs, billboard signs, etc.. I read so much I’m surprised my eyeballs haven’t got permanent type marks engraved on my eyeballs.

I thought I was the only nut who did this, until I read that Alvin Toffler, the grand master of progressive social engineering, the author of “Future Shock”… said he did the same thing…. only he only read various world newspapers every day. (Boring)

What have I learned? Enough to know that the printing world has been taken over by demons.

It doesn’t matter what you read nowadays, or where you read it. It could be in a cooking book, a book on space, how to clean out your closet….no matter:  it’s all about trashing President Trump.

For instance, the editor of Vanity Fair, Graydon Carter, is single-handily the most vicious attacker in print. He makes Time Magazine look like Readers Digest in big print, when it comes to the subject of Trump.

And since Trump announced his candidacy, Carter has been on a rampage of rancor against the President and everyone in his administration.

He hates him.

Here’s a sample from one of his editorials:

“His presidency is effectively doomed…it’s only a question now of how and when it will end. Treason? Impeachment? Incapacity? Until that day, you should be forgiven if you think you are suffering from extreme, full blown P.T.S.D. President Trump Stress Disorder. You are not alone.”

You know, nobody thought he would win, so sorry Carter, you lost.

Still, I was surprised when I was flipping through Cosmopolitan Magazine, and discovered how the editors there were concerned about P.T.S.D.

In Cosmo’s P.T.S.D —stress becomes ‘sex’. And according to Cosmo, there seems to be less sex happening all over the United States:

Are you, dear girl, not feeling the urge? Here’s their answer:

“Could it be PTSD? But not the kind you’re thinking of: If you haven’t been suffering from Post Trump Sex Disorder. It’s a sudden and swift aversion to sex caused by the anger, fear, and confusion you’re absorbing from the current political climate.”

How does Cosmos solve this problem? (Let’s ask Hillary!) They say: All you need to do to conquer this lack of sexual interest is to go and protest.

“Protests are powerful…and they can be a great aphrodisiac”

Who knew?

Yes, the liberals are telling kids if they go to protests against that horrible President, they might feel the desire to get laid, and then they will feel better. I was waiting for them to suggest having sex on a cop car, or instead of throwing pee in bottles they could throw wads of condoms and dildos.

Too bad. They didn’t give details.

But Joyanna, you say….These are liberal magazines, what do you expect? Especially when the next page they ask, “ I know I’m supposed to pee after sex, but what about after using my vibrator?”

(I say, dip your vibrator in glue, or better yet, hot sauce mixed with glue.)

Good god. If you even need a vibrator, then obviously, you are not protesting in the right place.

Try Berkeley. You might get lucky and run into Bill Ayers. The sex could be explosive!  In fact, I suggest you go up to him and say, “Are you glad to see me, or is that an explosive in your pocket?” (sorry)

Anyway, back to Greydon. Carter. 

One of the things that annoys Carter is the fact that when Trump stands up…he does NOT button his suit. Why…every man with any class and intelligence KNOWS that you MUST button your suit upon standing, or else…you are…a moron and not worthy.

As I wondered how Carter could even CLAIM to be an intellectual after complaining in his editorial about the horrible sin that President Trump does not button his suit, being as that makes him sound like a petty jealous girly moron about the age of 14, I came upon THIS in AARP:

A little smidgen about ties on page 9, AARP’s latest issue:

TIE VOTE: No doubt, our new president defies convention to politics. But also in fashion. Some detractors have noted this refusal to follow the modern norms of tie length. President Trump likes to wear them an inch or more below the belt. “We propose an amendment.”

Gee..AARP is sorely concerned that Trump’s tie is too long.

All this complaining from liberal dip wads makes me want to put on a suit, with a man’s tie hanging down to my knees, and take a picture of myself, a vibrator in one hand, sitting on the toilet with anti-bacterial lotion in the other, with a sign behind me that says:

THIS is how you cure your ugly ass, and finally get laid! 

(And these people call themselves intellectuals.)

Here’s the good news: Graydon Carter just quit. Why? He didn’t want to have to fire people, because Vanity Fair has to downsize due to the fact that readership has fallen off the planet.

AARP? They were the ones who pushed Obamacare in the first place. Thanks a lot AARP. Really, now about more articles on HOW TO GET RID OF IT!!!

This really is a shock. I’m sorry. I know it’s been going on for a long time but… REALLY? They have to label the hatred of the President with P.D.S.T, and make it sound like a venereal disease— and THEN spread it around the publishing universe?

Very Clever.

That’s why I’m going to my own protest: I’ve got an old copy of Huckleberry Finn. I’m going to take it down off the shelf, and READ it.

And after reading that, I plan to have REAL sex.

Don’t tell the kids.

September 12, 2017 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | 2 Comments

Nobody’s Flashes Email: Because I Need a Break from the News

Nobody Gets Email

I can’t help it…I posted this because of the oxygen question….and wouldn’t you like to know who does this in the shower?

Enjoy!

(Thanks to Kris)


THOUGHTS FROM THE SHOWER

  • If you attempt to rob a bank you won’t have any trouble with rent/food bills for the next 10 years, whether or not you are successful.
  • Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

  • What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

  • If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

  • Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C?

  • Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V?

  • Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

  • Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty

  • The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims.”

  • Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

  • 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

  • Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

  • The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.

  • If you replace “W” with “T” in “What, Where and When”, you get the answer to each of them.

  • Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.

  • If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

  • If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we’ll just call it “2’s Day.” (It does fall on a Tuesday)-

 

July 28, 2017 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

It Starts….EARLY

Nobody Flashes

I don’t care who you are, this sums up the differences between the sexes perfectly.

This kid will have that same look on his face when he’s 74. Is he confused by the fact that they look-alike?

Or because one is crying and one is not?

Or because he feels like he’s just been put between two aliens species?

Or because he has no CLUE what to do?

I love it.

Enjoy!

July 21, 2017 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | 1 Comment

CNN: Making our Day!

Nobody Flashes

When CNN went after the poor kid who made the video of CNN and Trump, trying to silence his free speech…

I bet they never imagined what would happen.

Now they know. And don’t you wonder what all the liberals who made all these movies are thinking about all this?

Ha ha!

Enjoy!

July 15, 2017 Posted by | humor | , | Leave a comment

America Attacks CNN BACK

Nobody Flashes

One day after Independence Day, and I’ve taken a day off, due to a bad cold. So, since this is going around the internet, I am posting it here, because it’s just so fun.

Enjoy!

July 5, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Email: North Korea Super Heroes

Nobody Gets Email

Here’s a picture you don’t see often….I thought this was funny.

(Thanks to Kris)


North Korea Super Heroes

These guys are tough. I don’t remember any wars they’ve had in over 60 years, so these medals must be for heroism in marching, posturing, kissing butt, clapping and dancing!.
These North Korean officers could easily be defeated with a giant magnet …

June 30, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

The Tale of One Happy Lizard

 

Nobody Gets Email

It’s been awhile since I got any jokes…but here’s one that I liked mostly because it seems to reflect a typical married couple, and it’s too strange NOT to be true.

Enjoy.

(Thanks to Tom Beebe)


In case you ever think Facebook isn’t worth it:

Billy Rice

Here’s what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was “something wrong” with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

“He’s just lying there looking sick,” he told me. “I’m serious, Dad . Can you help?”

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

“Honey,” I called, “come look at the lizard!”

“Oh, my gosh!” my wife exclaimed. “She’s having babies.”

“What?” my son demanded. “But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!”

I was equally outraged.

“Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn’t want them to reproduce,” I said accusingly to my wife.

“Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage? “she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!).

“No, but you were supposed to get two boys!” I reminded her (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).

“Yeah, Bert and Ernie!” my son agreed.

“Well, it’s just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know!” she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

“Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,” I announced. “We’re about to witness the miracle of birth.”

“Oh, gross!” they shrieked.

“Well, isn’t THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?” my wife wanted to know.

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

“We don’t appear to be making much progress,” I noted.

“It’s breech,” my wife whispered, horrified.

“Do something, Dad!” my son urged.

“Okay, okay.” Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

“Should I call 911?” my eldest daughter wanted to know. “Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.” (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

“Let’s get Ernie to the vet,” I said grimly.

We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

“Breathe, Ernie, breathe,” he urged.

“I don’t think lizards do Lamaze,” his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for G~d’s sake.).

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

“What do you think, Doc, a C-section?” I suggested scientifically.

“Oh, very interesting,” he murmured. “Mr. and Mrs.. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?”

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

“Is Ernie going to be okay?” my wife asked.

“Oh, perfectly,” the vet assured us. ‘This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn’t EVER going to happen.

Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And, occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um…um . . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.” He blushed, glancing at my wife.

We were silent, absorbing this.

“So, Ernie’s just…just…excited?”, my wife offered.

“Exactly,” the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

“What’s so funny?” I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. “It’s just…that…I’m picturing you pulling on its…its…teeny little…”

She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

“That’s enough,” I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

“I know Ernie’s really thankful for what you did, Dad.” he told me.

“Oh, you have NO idea,” my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

Two lizards: $140.

One cage: $50.

Trip to the vet: $30.

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard’s winkie: Priceless!

Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class. Lizards lay eggs!

June 23, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody Flashes Red Hair & Henny Youngman

Nobody Flashes

It’s that time of year again, when even people who live in the one up from bottom bogy brown take a few days off of her usual ‘opinions’.

Yes, I will be getting away from the absurdity of the daily insanity which seems to have taken over the planet for a few days.

Can you blame me?

I mean— I just bought some milk from a woman who had RED hair. I mean, RED hair. She was black, and it actually looked good on her.

“Is that your real hair?” I asked.

“Well, my sister weaved it in…”

“It looks real.” I said. And she did look cute.

There you go. I have now gotten used to blue, pink, red, purple hair. And what does that mean?

It means: I need a short vacation.

And short it will be. I’ll be back later on this week. Without red hair, but be sure, I will get all my real choice words I have at the moment for John McCain, out while I’m gone.

The MOON is going to hear me complain about that asshole. I don’t know what makes him tick, but I hope it’s a time bomb. (Old Henny Youngman joke.)

Sorry, somebody had to say it.

In the meantime, I hope everyone is not letting the idiots of the world spoil their summer.

Back soon….

Joyanna

 

 

 

June 11, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Perfect: Griffin– Aslan

Nobody’s Perfect

It’s a great week for moronic people. For instance, Kathy Griffin has been on the front page since she since she dipped a fake Trump’s head in blood.

“I made a horrible, horrible call,” she continued. “Trust me, if I could redo the whole thing I’d have a blow-up doll and no ketchup.”

Sorry Kathy, that’s not ketchup. I would know, it’s practically what I live on. Ketchup does NOT drip. What? Did you get complains about the REAL blood? You think we’re stupid?

In an amazing feat of typical liberal. “go on the attack when caught in crimes” Kathy claims that President Trump, took her down.

How CRUEL. After the fact: It’s starting to look like the whole thing was set up.

Frankly, I got a kick out of the apology tape where she took off her big, fake, eyelashes. I don’t know who glues them on, but most of the time one of them is falling off. Now, I love makeup, and wear it myself, but Kathy’s eyelashes look like Spiderman’s leftover breakfast toast.

It’s hurtful to me,” Griffin said. “There’s a bunch of old white guys trying to silence me and I’m just here to say that it’s wrong.”

It’s wrong? Holding up your own beheading video is not exactly right, Kathy. And you’re not exactly young, now are you? I wonder how many black guys thought what you did was pretty disgusting too?

And then there’s the Muslim? on CNN, named Raza Aslan, who said the President was a “piece of shit.”
Yes, he has a job. CNN, once the most rejected name in news is now truly…a piece of shit network.

Nobody watches it. Which is why they are hiring Muslims to cuss out President Trump. He eats brains I’m told…and probably knows Kathy.
CNN made him apologize. Ratings. Ratings. What will he say next? This woman, man, whoever.
Will Raza say he wants another man raped?

Will he interview Kathy Griffin on his show and give her an award, shaped like a machete?

Stay tuned. Looks like for the immediate future, my Nobody’s Perfect Award will never have trouble finding a moron.

They seem to be…. everywhere.

 

June 5, 2017 Posted by | American Culture, Entertainers, humor, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

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