Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

CNN: Making our Day!

Nobody Flashes

When CNN went after the poor kid who made the video of CNN and Trump, trying to silence his free speech…

I bet they never imagined what would happen.

Now they know. And don’t you wonder what all the liberals who made all these movies are thinking about all this?

Ha ha!

Enjoy!

July 15, 2017 Posted by | humor | , | Leave a comment

America Attacks CNN BACK

Nobody Flashes

One day after Independence Day, and I’ve taken a day off, due to a bad cold. So, since this is going around the internet, I am posting it here, because it’s just so fun.

Enjoy!

July 5, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Email: North Korea Super Heroes

Nobody Gets Email

Here’s a picture you don’t see often….I thought this was funny.

(Thanks to Kris)


North Korea Super Heroes

These guys are tough. I don’t remember any wars they’ve had in over 60 years, so these medals must be for heroism in marching, posturing, kissing butt, clapping and dancing!.
These North Korean officers could easily be defeated with a giant magnet …

June 30, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

The Tale of One Happy Lizard

 

Nobody Gets Email

It’s been awhile since I got any jokes…but here’s one that I liked mostly because it seems to reflect a typical married couple, and it’s too strange NOT to be true.

Enjoy.

(Thanks to Tom Beebe)


In case you ever think Facebook isn’t worth it:

Billy Rice

Here’s what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was “something wrong” with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

“He’s just lying there looking sick,” he told me. “I’m serious, Dad . Can you help?”

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

“Honey,” I called, “come look at the lizard!”

“Oh, my gosh!” my wife exclaimed. “She’s having babies.”

“What?” my son demanded. “But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!”

I was equally outraged.

“Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn’t want them to reproduce,” I said accusingly to my wife.

“Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage? “she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!).

“No, but you were supposed to get two boys!” I reminded her (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).

“Yeah, Bert and Ernie!” my son agreed.

“Well, it’s just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know!” she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

“Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,” I announced. “We’re about to witness the miracle of birth.”

“Oh, gross!” they shrieked.

“Well, isn’t THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?” my wife wanted to know.

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

“We don’t appear to be making much progress,” I noted.

“It’s breech,” my wife whispered, horrified.

“Do something, Dad!” my son urged.

“Okay, okay.” Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

“Should I call 911?” my eldest daughter wanted to know. “Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.” (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

“Let’s get Ernie to the vet,” I said grimly.

We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

“Breathe, Ernie, breathe,” he urged.

“I don’t think lizards do Lamaze,” his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for G~d’s sake.).

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

“What do you think, Doc, a C-section?” I suggested scientifically.

“Oh, very interesting,” he murmured. “Mr. and Mrs.. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?”

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

“Is Ernie going to be okay?” my wife asked.

“Oh, perfectly,” the vet assured us. ‘This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn’t EVER going to happen.

Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And, occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um…um . . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.” He blushed, glancing at my wife.

We were silent, absorbing this.

“So, Ernie’s just…just…excited?”, my wife offered.

“Exactly,” the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

“What’s so funny?” I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. “It’s just…that…I’m picturing you pulling on its…its…teeny little…”

She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

“That’s enough,” I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

“I know Ernie’s really thankful for what you did, Dad.” he told me.

“Oh, you have NO idea,” my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

Two lizards: $140.

One cage: $50.

Trip to the vet: $30.

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard’s winkie: Priceless!

Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class. Lizards lay eggs!

June 23, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody Flashes Red Hair & Henny Youngman

Nobody Flashes

It’s that time of year again, when even people who live in the one up from bottom bogy brown take a few days off of her usual ‘opinions’.

Yes, I will be getting away from the absurdity of the daily insanity which seems to have taken over the planet for a few days.

Can you blame me?

I mean— I just bought some milk from a woman who had RED hair. I mean, RED hair. She was black, and it actually looked good on her.

“Is that your real hair?” I asked.

“Well, my sister weaved it in…”

“It looks real.” I said. And she did look cute.

There you go. I have now gotten used to blue, pink, red, purple hair. And what does that mean?

It means: I need a short vacation.

And short it will be. I’ll be back later on this week. Without red hair, but be sure, I will get all my real choice words I have at the moment for John McCain, out while I’m gone.

The MOON is going to hear me complain about that asshole. I don’t know what makes him tick, but I hope it’s a time bomb. (Old Henny Youngman joke.)

Sorry, somebody had to say it.

In the meantime, I hope everyone is not letting the idiots of the world spoil their summer.

Back soon….

Joyanna

 

 

 

June 11, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Perfect: Griffin– Aslan

Nobody’s Perfect

It’s a great week for moronic people. For instance, Kathy Griffin has been on the front page since she since she dipped a fake Trump’s head in blood.

“I made a horrible, horrible call,” she continued. “Trust me, if I could redo the whole thing I’d have a blow-up doll and no ketchup.”

Sorry Kathy, that’s not ketchup. I would know, it’s practically what I live on. Ketchup does NOT drip. What? Did you get complains about the REAL blood? You think we’re stupid?

In an amazing feat of typical liberal. “go on the attack when caught in crimes” Kathy claims that President Trump, took her down.

How CRUEL. After the fact: It’s starting to look like the whole thing was set up.

Frankly, I got a kick out of the apology tape where she took off her big, fake, eyelashes. I don’t know who glues them on, but most of the time one of them is falling off. Now, I love makeup, and wear it myself, but Kathy’s eyelashes look like Spiderman’s leftover breakfast toast.

It’s hurtful to me,” Griffin said. “There’s a bunch of old white guys trying to silence me and I’m just here to say that it’s wrong.”

It’s wrong? Holding up your own beheading video is not exactly right, Kathy. And you’re not exactly young, now are you? I wonder how many black guys thought what you did was pretty disgusting too?

And then there’s the Muslim? on CNN, named Raza Aslan, who said the President was a “piece of shit.”
Yes, he has a job. CNN, once the most rejected name in news is now truly…a piece of shit network.

Nobody watches it. Which is why they are hiring Muslims to cuss out President Trump. He eats brains I’m told…and probably knows Kathy.
CNN made him apologize. Ratings. Ratings. What will he say next? This woman, man, whoever.
Will Raza say he wants another man raped?

Will he interview Kathy Griffin on his show and give her an award, shaped like a machete?

Stay tuned. Looks like for the immediate future, my Nobody’s Perfect Award will never have trouble finding a moron.

They seem to be…. everywhere.

 

June 5, 2017 Posted by | American Culture, Entertainers, humor, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Fool: Paul Joseph Watson “The Truth About Gender”

Nobody’s Fool:

Paul Joseph Watson, delivers another brilliant video on what has been known since the beginning of time: Men are better at sports. (And Nobody adds…girls, they also built MOST everything you have.)

There’s some really funny moments in this one, truly enjoyable.

If you like me, are sick of the women’s movement trying to make us all equal, you will love this one.

Congratulations to Paul Joseph Watson. Again.  I now believe he’s KING of the Nobody’s Fool Awards.

 

May 17, 2017 Posted by | humor | , | Leave a comment

Jimmy Stewart Tells a Joke

Nobody Flashes

I just thought this was the sweetest thing.

Jimmy Stewart…telling a joke.

They don’t make movie stars like Jimmy Stewart anymore.

Class act. Great American.

Enjoy.

 

April 14, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Perfect: Airline Passenger VS Shawn Spicer

Nobody’s Perfect

This week, we have two men who were so absurd, they got the beginning WWIII off the news. Everybody on the planet was talking about the doctor who got on the United Airlines flight, then got off, then snuck back on, and THEN…he had to be dragged off screaming.

He is now in the hospital with his lawyer, who asked, “So, where was your can of Pepsi?”

Everyone under the sun has an opinion on the matter, but really, the guy acted like a snowflake. Clearly, he has watched too many Chinese Lives Matter programs. The lady in the movie is even more of an idiot.

The good news is now, we ALL know that you can get kicked off any flight at anytime for no reason whatsoever. So what’s new? One time, my husband and I made reservations at a Dierdorfs and Hart Restaurant to celebrate our wedding anniversary, and she seated us at a really romantic table and right in the middle of our salads, the waitress asked us to move because a “regular” client wanted our table.

It wasn’t a ‘request.’ They grabbed all our stuff and we had to follow, and yes, they moved us to a less than romantic table. We  finished dinner, and never went back.

That restaurant is no longer in business.

And then there’s Shawn Spicer’s grand moment of momentous “Brain FART!” I don’t know what he was smoking before he came out to handle the press, but to say that even HITLER didn’t use chemical weapons made you wonder what in the world you call the gas ovens?

Gas weapons?

Seriously Shawn. And then he goes on to say that at least Hitler didn’t gas his own people, trying to make Assad to be worse than Hitler.

It is painful to watch: First one foot. Then the other foot. Clearly Shawn needs some sleep.

So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?

Is it the doctor who didn’t want to get off the plane and threw an adult temper tantrum?

Or is it President Trump’s Press Secretary, who either didn’t pay any attention in history class, or John McCain is writing his notes.

And the Award goes to…………….(drum roll)

HILLARY CLINTON! For getting so desperate for attention she is modeling high heel pumps because they were named after her.

Wait…there’s that Pepsi commercial….this IS getting complicated.

April 11, 2017 Posted by | Hitler, humor, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Don Rickles: When Being Polically Uncorrect Brought Laughter.

Nobody Flashes

Don Rickles passed away last week. Unlike Chuck Berry, his passing didn’t get much of a notice, probably because he insulted everyone and it didn’t matter if they were Polish, Jewish, black or white…it was just funny.

That was his act, and those that knew him, loved him for it. It must have killed him to see the “politically correct” police censoring the comedians. Jerry Seinfeld has complained about it a lot. Once upon a time, you could tell just about any ethnic joke, and it was just in fun.

Those were the good old days.

Even though he was before my time, I still get a kick out of watching the other entertainers laugh at him.

Really. Don Rickles. I wish I could have seen him live in Las Vegas.

Hopefully, someone out there did.

RIP Mr. Rickles.

You know, you really had no talent whatsoever.

April 8, 2017 Posted by | humor | , | Leave a comment

Nobody Flashes the Bad and the Funny

Nobody Flashes

I was just thinking: My generation suffered the insanity of the Vietnam War. We never DID get a decent explanation for why so many of our young men were sacrificed there.

If it was to prevent communism, as Eisenhower said, then it failed.

And isn’t it ironic, that our current leaders of America, most of them grew up and were against the war in Vietnam.

No more. They now make up the globalist elites who are now beating the war drums for Russia. (Clintons, McCain.) And Trump? We now have no clue.

Well, as the song says, they are now the Masters…and hearing this song again made me wonder why Bob Dylan got the Nobel Peace Prize.

But, let’s not forget our funny side. These made ME laugh.

April 7, 2017 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | , | 3 Comments

What Day Is This?

Nobody Flashes

President Donald Trump, has just signed an executive order that all politicians must pass, and use Paul Ryan’s health care law. If they don’t then he threatens that he will put Maxine Waters in charge of the Pentagon.

In other news, Obama has just finished his new book, called, “Dreams of My Gay Lover.” Already, Shepard Smith has bought the first hundred copies which he is sending to the Adams/Hays hotel as a complimentary book meant to replace the Bible in the rooms.

Hillary Clinton has decided to run for President of Canada. And Obama is considering a new career as a host in his own TV talk show, his first guest will be Valerie Jarrett, who plans to dance the Tango in full hijab to show how easily it can be done.

On the opposite side of the planet, Australia has decided to give every citizen a gun, and a pound of ammunition. China has decided to kick out all American manufacturing businesses, and NIKE’s will now be made in Idaho.

Vladimir Putin is making a trip to Disney Land in Orlando, where he will be escorted around the park, by his new big fan, Lindsey Graham.

Food prices are expected to come down by 50% this year, and Congress has decided to cut all taxes by 75%.

Chelsea Clinton will be working in Libya soon, as the ambassador from the United Kingdom.

Bill Clinton will divorce his wife on grounds that she physically abused him, and he will be given a ‘safe place’ provided to him with round the clock protection.

SNL will be cancelled due to lack of an audience.

Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders will divorce their current spouses and hold their wedding in Michael Moore’s basement.

Michael Moore will lose 200 pounds and become a porn star movie producer.

Lassie has been brought back to life by her DNA, and cancer has been cured.

And that is all the news that is the news, on this day…April 2…..wait…What day is this?

 

March 31, 2017 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

Why I love Men, and the Argument Clinic


Nobody Wins

I’m sorry, am I late here today?

Well, that’s because some dweeb of a computer engineer decided to HIDE the power button on my new computer. I turned it off last night to protect it from lighting…and when I came to write my blog, I was all ready to simply press the on button, but…no matter how many time I practically raped my ALL IN ONE screen with my fingers, there WAS no button.

I Googled, “HP Pavilion manual.” Nothing. I looked at my setup manual that came in the box.

Nothing.

Plug it in. Okay…It’s PLUGGED IN!

I watched 5 videos’ of men taking the HP Pavilion out of the box, and plugging it in, but…when it got to how to power it on…

NOTHING!

By 4am. I was ready to admit, that Bill Gates had finally won. Invent a computer with no on/off button. I tossed and turned in bed, feeling as if I had lost my mind. OMG…did they tell me at Office Depot NEVER to turn it off? What did I do? What major crime did I commit? Is this the conspiracy that I’ve been waiting for? They don’t WANT you to turn off your computer? And isn’t that why I had to buy a new one in the first place? They told me NOT to turn it off and I did?

I popped some melatonin to turn off my brain, and in the morning, I told the story to my husband.

“That’s ridiculous.” He said. “Of course there’s a power button. I need a flashlight.” Thirty seconds later, he found the button. on the very right hand bottom of the computer, a spot I had pressed on it seemed at least 20 times. The difference being, I did NOT lift UP the monitor to look.

That’s why I love men. And that’s why, I’ve decided all women should worship the ground they walk on.

Now, that you know, a sense of humor is needed for the moment of my utmost cluelessness when it comes to any kind of computer.

(TAKE A CLASS JOYANNA! You are thinking. Right. Okay. Uh….why I have a man?)

And on another note completely….Please watch the video above and tell if it’s NOT the perfect description of the United Stated Government.

Leave it the Brits to explain our Washington D.C. so perfectly.

Enjoy!

March 31, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Perfect: The Democratic National Committee Staffers, VS Columbian Nurses

Nobody’s Perfect

This week we have some serious firing among many people who are now looking for new work:

First up…Hillary Clinton is back, and so, all the people who ran her campaign have been fired. Coincidence? Are you kidding?

From Breitbart:

All Democratic National Committee staffers have been asked to submit their resignations amidst party turmoil, according to a new report.

Former Chair Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz was ousted as the party struggled from the primary election cycle to the general with their nominee Hillary Clinton. Losing candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders was rumored to have been seeking the ousting of Wasserman Schultz as a consolation in the results after Wasserman Schultz showed favor to Clinton for President over Sanders. Brazile took over afterward, but news that she leaked questions to Clinton brought more upheaval and eventually the election of Perez.

The one who really should have been fired, Hillary Clinton, gets to come back…and hire all new people.

And then there were the nurses and doctors in Columbia who decided to make fun of a naked unconscious man waiting for surgery.

It’s nice to know that, like democratic staffers, the doctors and nurses in Columbia take their job seriously.

 

So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award?

Was it the democratic staffers who, despite all their herculean efforts of cheating and fraud they couldn’t get Hillary Clinton elected?

Or was it the bunny ranch nurses who just couldn’t help making fun of a man who was butt-naked.

Nobody says….the Democratic Staffers win! Nobody could get that woman elected. You had to feel sorry for the staff…

As Obama famously once said, “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.”

As far as the nurses go…they might have done us a big favor. People here in the States are going to think twice about going south of the border for a cheaper operation. Unless of course, that was Hillary Clinton laying on that table…

They could sell tickets.

 

 

March 28, 2017 Posted by | democrats, humor, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

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