I just thought this was the sweetest thing.
Jimmy Stewart…telling a joke.
They don’t make movie stars like Jimmy Stewart anymore.
Class act. Great American.
This week, we have two men who were so absurd, they got the beginning WWIII off the news. Everybody on the planet was talking about the doctor who got on the United Airlines flight, then got off, then snuck back on, and THEN…he had to be dragged off screaming.
He is now in the hospital with his lawyer, who asked, “So, where was your can of Pepsi?”
Everyone under the sun has an opinion on the matter, but really, the guy acted like a snowflake. Clearly, he has watched too many Chinese Lives Matter programs. The lady in the movie is even more of an idiot.
The good news is now, we ALL know that you can get kicked off any flight at anytime for no reason whatsoever. So what’s new? One time, my husband and I made reservations at a Dierdorfs and Hart Restaurant to celebrate our wedding anniversary, and she seated us at a really romantic table and right in the middle of our salads, the waitress asked us to move because a “regular” client wanted our table.
It wasn’t a ‘request.’ They grabbed all our stuff and we had to follow, and yes, they moved us to a less than romantic table. We finished dinner, and never went back.
That restaurant is no longer in business.
And then there’s Shawn Spicer’s grand moment of momentous “Brain FART!” I don’t know what he was smoking before he came out to handle the press, but to say that even HITLER didn’t use chemical weapons made you wonder what in the world you call the gas ovens?
Seriously Shawn. And then he goes on to say that at least Hitler didn’t gas his own people, trying to make Assad to be worse than Hitler.
It is painful to watch: First one foot. Then the other foot. Clearly Shawn needs some sleep.
So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?
Is it the doctor who didn’t want to get off the plane and threw an adult temper tantrum?
Or is it President Trump’s Press Secretary, who either didn’t pay any attention in history class, or John McCain is writing his notes.
And the Award goes to…………….(drum roll)
HILLARY CLINTON! For getting so desperate for attention she is modeling high heel pumps because they were named after her.
Wait…there’s that Pepsi commercial….this IS getting complicated.
Don Rickles passed away last week. Unlike Chuck Berry, his passing didn’t get much of a notice, probably because he insulted everyone and it didn’t matter if they were Polish, Jewish, black or white…it was just funny.
That was his act, and those that knew him, loved him for it. It must have killed him to see the “politically correct” police censoring the comedians. Jerry Seinfeld has complained about it a lot. Once upon a time, you could tell just about any ethnic joke, and it was just in fun.
Those were the good old days.
Even though he was before my time, I still get a kick out of watching the other entertainers laugh at him.
Really. Don Rickles. I wish I could have seen him live in Las Vegas.
Hopefully, someone out there did.
RIP Mr. Rickles.
You know, you really had no talent whatsoever.
I was just thinking: My generation suffered the insanity of the Vietnam War. We never DID get a decent explanation for why so many of our young men were sacrificed there.
If it was to prevent communism, as Eisenhower said, then it failed.
And isn’t it ironic, that our current leaders of America, most of them grew up and were against the war in Vietnam.
No more. They now make up the globalist elites who are now beating the war drums for Russia. (Clintons, McCain.) And Trump? We now have no clue.
Well, as the song says, they are now the Masters…and hearing this song again made me wonder why Bob Dylan got the Nobel Peace Prize.
But, let’s not forget our funny side. These made ME laugh.
President Donald Trump, has just signed an executive order that all politicians must pass, and use Paul Ryan’s health care law. If they don’t then he threatens that he will put Maxine Waters in charge of the Pentagon.
In other news, Obama has just finished his new book, called, “Dreams of My Gay Lover.” Already, Shepard Smith has bought the first hundred copies which he is sending to the Adams/Hays hotel as a complimentary book meant to replace the Bible in the rooms.
Hillary Clinton has decided to run for President of Canada. And Obama is considering a new career as a host in his own TV talk show, his first guest will be Valerie Jarrett, who plans to dance the Tango in full hijab to show how easily it can be done.
On the opposite side of the planet, Australia has decided to give every citizen a gun, and a pound of ammunition. China has decided to kick out all American manufacturing businesses, and NIKE’s will now be made in Idaho.
Vladimir Putin is making a trip to Disney Land in Orlando, where he will be escorted around the park, by his new big fan, Lindsey Graham.
Food prices are expected to come down by 50% this year, and Congress has decided to cut all taxes by 75%.
Chelsea Clinton will be working in Libya soon, as the ambassador from the United Kingdom.
Bill Clinton will divorce his wife on grounds that she physically abused him, and he will be given a ‘safe place’ provided to him with round the clock protection.
SNL will be cancelled due to lack of an audience.
Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders will divorce their current spouses and hold their wedding in Michael Moore’s basement.
Michael Moore will lose 200 pounds and become a porn star movie producer.
Lassie has been brought back to life by her DNA, and cancer has been cured.
And that is all the news that is the news, on this day…April 2…..wait…What day is this?
I’m sorry, am I late here today?
Well, that’s because some dweeb of a computer engineer decided to HIDE the power button on my new computer. I turned it off last night to protect it from lighting…and when I came to write my blog, I was all ready to simply press the on button, but…no matter how many time I practically raped my ALL IN ONE screen with my fingers, there WAS no button.
I Googled, “HP Pavilion manual.” Nothing. I looked at my setup manual that came in the box.
Plug it in. Okay…It’s PLUGGED IN!
I watched 5 videos’ of men taking the HP Pavilion out of the box, and plugging it in, but…when it got to how to power it on…
By 4am. I was ready to admit, that Bill Gates had finally won. Invent a computer with no on/off button. I tossed and turned in bed, feeling as if I had lost my mind. OMG…did they tell me at Office Depot NEVER to turn it off? What did I do? What major crime did I commit? Is this the conspiracy that I’ve been waiting for? They don’t WANT you to turn off your computer? And isn’t that why I had to buy a new one in the first place? They told me NOT to turn it off and I did?
I popped some melatonin to turn off my brain, and in the morning, I told the story to my husband.
“That’s ridiculous.” He said. “Of course there’s a power button. I need a flashlight.” Thirty seconds later, he found the button. on the very right hand bottom of the computer, a spot I had pressed on it seemed at least 20 times. The difference being, I did NOT lift UP the monitor to look.
That’s why I love men. And that’s why, I’ve decided all women should worship the ground they walk on.
Now, that you know, a sense of humor is needed for the moment of my utmost cluelessness when it comes to any kind of computer.
(TAKE A CLASS JOYANNA! You are thinking. Right. Okay. Uh….why I have a man?)
And on another note completely….Please watch the video above and tell if it’s NOT the perfect description of the United Stated Government.
Leave it the Brits to explain our Washington D.C. so perfectly.
This week we have some serious firing among many people who are now looking for new work:
First up…Hillary Clinton is back, and so, all the people who ran her campaign have been fired. Coincidence? Are you kidding?
All Democratic National Committee staffers have been asked to submit their resignations amidst party turmoil, according to a new report.
Former Chair Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz was ousted as the party struggled from the primary election cycle to the general with their nominee Hillary Clinton. Losing candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders was rumored to have been seeking the ousting of Wasserman Schultz as a consolation in the results after Wasserman Schultz showed favor to Clinton for President over Sanders. Brazile took over afterward, but news that she leaked questions to Clinton brought more upheaval and eventually the election of Perez.
The one who really should have been fired, Hillary Clinton, gets to come back…and hire all new people.
And then there were the nurses and doctors in Columbia who decided to make fun of a naked unconscious man waiting for surgery.
It’s nice to know that, like democratic staffers, the doctors and nurses in Columbia take their job seriously.
So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award?
Was it the democratic staffers who, despite all their herculean efforts of cheating and fraud they couldn’t get Hillary Clinton elected?
Or was it the bunny ranch nurses who just couldn’t help making fun of a man who was butt-naked.
Nobody says….the Democratic Staffers win! Nobody could get that woman elected. You had to feel sorry for the staff…
As Obama famously once said, “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.”
As far as the nurses go…they might have done us a big favor. People here in the States are going to think twice about going south of the border for a cheaper operation. Unless of course, that was Hillary Clinton laying on that table…
They could sell tickets.
Pretty cool this Handle robot. But Bill Gates says he should pay taxes.
Well then, you might ask yourself, why doesn’t Bill Gates computers pay taxes?
Just think, in the near future you could probably buy one of these “Handle’s” for $100,000 and scare your neighbors.
What I wanna know is…can it swim and cook?
And if it pays taxes, will it be allowed to vote?
Nobody Has Fun
It’s Saturday! And I can’t help it, these Hitler parodies are just too funny.
I couldn’t find the one I was looking for, but this one fits with all the talk about ‘fake’ news on CNN.
And at least somebody is enjoying the snow. My favorite part is when the seal pats his buddy. I think that is just adorable!
Okay, so the title doesn’t fit the joyous video. I’m listening to the radio as I post this, and can Obama get more disgusting in his last days? He’ll leave alright..but like the Clintons’ he won’t go away.
Okay, shut up. I’m sorry, they were suppose to accept defeat like adults. I couldn’t believe my eyes yesterday. I was checking out at Walgreens, and right there, by the checkout counter were COLORING BOOKS FOR ADULTS!!!!
My god. Really? ($%&%) Where’s my snowball?
Donald Trump showed us how to handle cupcakes:
What a Christmas weekend!
I saw one movie (Passengers) that I thought would be fantastic, but it turned out to be (in my husband’s words) the most expensive chick flick ever made. I saw another movie (Rouge One) that I thought would be bad, but, in my husband’s words, “compared to Passengers it was Oscar worthy.”
As you can see, I didn’t talk much this weekend.
But I DID listen…to bits of news…like Carrie Fisher having a heart attack on a flight from L.A. to London, a flight which takes a good 12 hours and cost around a thousand dollars. Reports from passengers, who just couldn’t wait to get out the news. was that Carrie stopped breathing for ten minutes, but so far, no news of death. We are all waiting for the news of her passing and then tonight we heard that George Michaels, the heart throb of the music world until we all found out he was gay…the singer whose, “Next Christmas, I’ll give it to someone special” died at 53. (move over Bing.)
(A title that works well for all those presents you give that nobody really wants.)
What do they have in common? Cocaine. Robin Williams was a big cocaine user. Cocaine is the favorite drug of the rich and famous, and it’s not really good on the old ticker. But they all seem to love it…including a very famous President who says he used to do it too.
I guess when your rich, you feel…invincible.
And speaking of the rich and famous–Prince Charles and the Pope ended up delivering the same message this Christmas, which was: Accept the refugees. Prince Charles even went so far as to ask people to think of Mohammed as WELL as Jesus this Christmas.
To say that is confusing is like saying that the Atlantic is really the same ocean as the Pacific.
Clearly Prince Charlie was dropped on the castle steps when he was a wee lad. I would love it if he would just put a prayer rug at the bottom of a Christmas tree and pray.
Add to that, it was also reported that the Queen did not celebrate her usual Christmas.
So, she’s 90, Tony Bennett is 90, but nobody knows how old Kissinger is. (I bet Jesus would know.)
Prince Charles as King?
Let’s not spoil our holidays, shall we?
But, back to Christmas: This year the rumor has been used by the Pope AND all the liberals still walking upon the earth that Joseph and Mary were running away from persecution to Bethlehem to have the baby: JUST like the Muslims now fleeing from Aleppo.
Gee. Here I always thought they went there because EVERYBODY had to go there to pay taxes.
I wish they’d get their story straight.
And speaking of getting the story straight: Can we get over this Putin is the bogey man crap?
Russia has joined forces with America in the past. WWII for example.
And you have not heard about this, but Putin helped out President George W. Bush. He sent tens of thousands of troops to assist in the Iraq war to fight the Taliban. ( Read: Bush at War.)
Yes, Putin offered his help to Bush, and gave it to fight the terrorists.
And he will help Trump, because he hates those terrorists too.
And I say— let him.
America joining up with Russia to fight ISIS? What’s not to like?
Hey! Maybe Trump can make a deal with Putin to get some of that oil Russia has been drilling for at the North Pole.
If they can join up for that noble cause, NEXT Christmas I’ll give them both something special!
And I have a whole YEAR to think about what that may be.
I stop buying the Post-Dispatch years ago, but the other day, late at night, I picked up a free copy that was lying on the bench at Burger King. (Right, I dine at the finest restaurants!)
The liberal bias of the Post-Dispatch has not disappeared. In fact, it’s tripled down.
For example: In an article by Anthony Faiola, called “Trump’s unknowns frighten Europe”, I found a quote by Sigmar Gabriel, Germany’s deputy chancellor.
“Trump is the trailblazer of a new authoritarian and international chauvinist movement. They want a rollback to the bad old times in which women belonged by the stove or in bed, gays in jail, and unions at best at the side table. He who doesn’t keep his mouth shut gets publicly bashed!”
(I was already sorry I picked this trash up.)
First: Trump is a trailblazer all right…and Germany has gotten a free ride from us for decades. The United States basically pays for the defense of all of Europe. How else do you think they can afford all those social welfare programs? Germany’s army is pathetic, and Obama has done all he can to destroy ours. So, yes, Trump will tell the Germans they are going to have to pay for some of their own defense. Chauvinistic? Well, the American people would like to keep some of their own money…if he wants to call that chauvinistic, go ahead. Sigmar, puppy cake, go have a beer at the Muslim beer fest.
Oh..what? The Muslims want to outlaw your beer fests? Oh. No matter, you prefer Louis VIII. I understand. Not your problem.
Second: Trump’s women all worked, except his current wife who wants to stay and raise her son herself. And to say there is a movement to keep women at home and just for sex…well, where in the world does he get THAT big lie from? The hypocrisy is that Germany is flooding the country with Muslim men, who treat their women like dogs—and gays should be beheaded according to the Muslims. Do Merkel and Sigmar say a word about them? I don’t think Donald Trump is their biggest worry, do you?
Third: Unions. Don’t get me started on unions. In the beginning they were necessary…but it wasn’t long before the union bosses took over and made such outlandish demands on businesses, that businesses went overseas, because they couldn’t find the cheaper workers here. For years, union employees were making three times the amount that a private worker would make, and the government union employees still do. No, America used to be a great manufacturing country. We made clothes, steel, shoes, televisions, cars….and the unions came in, and the democratic bosses and the mafia joined hands, and the rest is history.
Fourth: And the last is the best: “He who doesn’t keep his mouth shut gets publicly bashed.”
Tell that to Mike Pence, he didn’t say a word and he still got bashed.
Tell that to the hundreds of Trump supporters who are getting beat up daily by ‘tolerant’ liberals. Tell that the widows of the many cops killed by racist hating blacks, who were encourage to hate every cop, every white person, every redneck, and every person who was just proud to be an American.
And last but not least, tell that to every Trump supporter that voted for the man.
Here’s the good news, they can’t even GIVE the Post-Dispatch away, and they’ve been trying to for years. And I got this paper for free.
I’m seriously thinking about sending my copy from Burger King to Sigmar with a coupon to Burger King—and a note:
The last thing this ‘stay at home’ American woman wants you to do is shut up. If there is one thing Americans are very proud of here is free speech. And it is because of the United States that that you even exist to rant about this at all.
Keep talking…the more gibberish that come out of your mouth, the more we love Donald Trump.
Backward American women who enjoys staying and home and having a lot of sex with my husband. Oh…and I can cook too!
P. S. Enjoy the coupon!
Come on…you don’t want another long boring post today, do you? Like all the American fun Holidays, they are trying hard to get rid of them…Halloween seems to be next: Clowns now are being banned from stores and venues—Halloween costumes are being banned on college campuses…really? REALLY?
It’s time to take a good hard look at the ONLY face that should scare the living daylights out of us all:
(By the way…Happy Halloween everybody!)
Nobody Gets Email
Do we need a laugh or WHAT!
Some of my email: (Thanks to Kris)