Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Laughing Babies: Good Therapy After Watching the WH Press Orgies

Nobody Flashes

If you do NOT find this video gives you a smile and makes you remember the very joy of life and children and laughter and love…

Then you’re probably related to Bob Mueller, or Hillary Clinton.

I can’t help you.

ENJOY!

 

June 15, 2018 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Gitmo Time: Stage Four

Nobody Flashes

Hi again.

By now, you are saying (You know who you are— I can COUNT you on one hand and a pinkie): Well, where ARE you Joyanna? You said, just last week: “God willing” that you would be back on Monday. You weren’t. What happened? Wasn’t God Willing?

Did your absence have something to do with the last of the White Rhino’s dying off the planet?” somebody out there might ask.

No. And politically speaking, after hearing about the last omnibus bill, that might not be a bad idea—

No, it had to do with my Nobody’s Gitmo Time.

Let me explain in one sentence: “If you can’t get to Stage four, then it’s Nobody’s Gitmo Time.”

I’ll explain Stage four in a minute. First, we must get through stage one, two, and three.

Basically, I’ve been tortured.

It’s not a pretty thing when you find yourself lying on the floor, and saying to yourself, “Damn. I did it again.” Fall that is. I’ve been falling lately, not because I’m clumsy, no, it’s because I’m usually in stage four sleep and I’m trying to walk.

Do NOT compare me to Hillary. She’s usually awake when she falls. No, this is ‘stage four’ lack of sleep torture.

Not sleeping Joyanna? Big deal. Go take a nap.

I can’t nap. Too much caffeine. You see, I can’t sleep, I can’t nap. The REAL Gitmo would be a vacation to me right now.

Why are you not in bed you might ask? Because, for the last four months of my life, I have been tortured by experts that even the toughest of Gitmo CIA operatives would be jealous of.

And that main CIA operative in my house’s name is: Koko.

My little 17-pound dog was named after the famous gorilla who could use sign language, because at the time she was literally dropped on our doorstep, I had much more important things to do beside name a dog. KOKO the gorilla was on the TV at the time I was changing my mother’s diaper–therefore I shouted, “Let’s name her Koko!” And went back to diaper duty.

But Koko is MUCH smarter than her namesake. She doesn’t even need opposing thumbs. She has a bark that tells me everything she needs. A bark SO LOUD that car alarms go off, TV’s turn on, and ground hogs turn over in their holes when she opens up her little mouth.

She can’t hear her own bark because, you see, she’s 17, and deaf.

She’s also blind.

The vet says: Hey, if a dog can still smell, she’ll be fine!

Fine for the dog. Torture for the owner. As you can guess…my VET is a democrat.

Let me go on to say that Koko has a great heart, but her back hips are giving out. And every night, she wakes up, around 2 or 3 am, and barks SO loud that I literally rise from the bed like Linda Blair in the exorcist.

So far, my husband has not noticed this elevation.

Big deal? Yes, because you see, she sleeps at the end of the bed and I must get up out of my sleep and lift her up, take her to the back-patio door, and gently take her down the two steps outside. Otherwise, there is a big mess on her bed, or on OUR bed, and that means an entire day of laundry.

I’m so tired, I usually don’t bother to put shoes on. Snow? Who cares? Cold? Hey, I’m dead to the world.

So, being that at 3am in the morning I am in stage four sleep, sometimes, I trip going to the door in the dark, and I’m thinking: “I’ve fallen! Do I HAVE to get up?”

Now, let’s review: Stage one is the first 20 minutes of sleep. Then…Stage two. That lasts around an hour, where people usually dream. Stage 3 doesn’t last long and frankly, nobody really remembers it, but Stage FOUR! Oh, that’s the time, around the third to fourth hour, when the brain reboots, the immune system repairs all the damages done doing the day, and gets you ready for the NEXT four hours. And then it all starts over. Every night. Unless you are a turtle, that’s what happens.

Most people go through two stage fours a night. Not me. I never make it to even ONE.

If ONLY I was a dolphin.

If you are awakened in the lovely sleep stage of one or two, then you wake from either a dream of, in my case, pythons or tornadoes, or a lovely dream. I dream of designer homes of the rich and famous where I am the rich and not so famous. I can design the BEST bathtubs in my dreams.

You should see them.

But to be awakened night after night after night after night, after night, after night, after night after….(for three months straight, or has it been six?) when I’ve just gotten into stage four?

Total torture. Putin would tell you. (The Russians have perfected sleep deprivations torture.) Your body, doesn’t want to move. Your arms feel like they are being held down by Michael Moore who is actually grinning: Your legs feel like the great wall of China. They simply refuse to budge.

Hillary Clinton herself could be standing by my bed with an axe and I’d turn over and try to go back to sleep.

And once I get up? I don’t DARE cook breakfast. I can’t get near a stove until at least 4pm.

But…. let’s get back to 3am. I’m just beginning to fall into Stage four sleep, and I hear– BARK! BARK!
I somehow manage to lift her down, stay awake 20 minutes while KoKo does her stuff, sniffs the house, drinks some water, gets stuck behind a corner, where I have to find her and rescue her, and then, I hear the bark: I WANT BACK UP.”

So, I pick her up and put her back in her bed.

It takes her a good five minutes after turning around to find a good spot. I finally get to fall back asleep…BUT…in just two hours…I’ve passed through sleep stage one, two…three…and THEN….

The clock turns to 4am. My husband wakes up. He turns the TV on. The other dog is barking and up. I don’t have to move, but I cannot go into stage four for another 45 minutes until he leaves at five, and I’m FINLLY in stage four, and….

BARK! It’s 6 am! Wake up! BARK BARK BARK!! BARK BARK BARK!!.

Both dogs. Get up! Get up! Feed me! Let’s play! 

This has gone on for four months straight. Add to that the fact that every other night my husband snores loud enough to launch the new Russian missile over Joe Biden’s house, and even the radio in my ear doesn’t drown THAT out, I cannot even get to stage two on those nights.

Try sleeping on a transistor under your back and your ear tangled up in wire. Try making it through the day when you are actually worse than a Zombie in last night’s Living Dead Episode. Try remembering why you are AT the grocery store.

And then, after going through the day half asleep, try writing a coherent blog right before bedtime.

So, you get it.

I have had no REAL sleep in over four months.

And here’s the kicker.

You cannot make up sleep. Nope. Whoever told you that is lying to you. The only thing you can do is take bucket loads of caffeine and make a lot of spelling mistakes. Which I do all the time, AS YOU ALL KNOW, but then again, so does President Trump.

I don’t think it’s just Congress and the democrats that are torturing our President.

I don’t think he gets enough Stage four sleep either.

Now, you might think I’m lying. But I swear, the LAST memory of myself ever having slept a full 8 hours (which is what I really need) and waking up feeling just marvelous, was in the year 2000. Yes, I remember it well. Seventeen years ago, almost to the day.

I was in Naples, Florida at a friend’s house, visiting. And I was….ALONE.

But, I don’t want to be alone. I have a wacko blind and deaf dog whom I cherish, a husband whose snore I’m sure I would miss despite the torture, and a brain that might not ever recover.

Anyway, any sane person, who’d had been sleeping properly, would not post this.

But, at the moment, I am not sane, I’m just…. tortured, and I don’t want to lose what little following of my blog that I have.

So, I just wanted to let you know: I’m thinking of joining the CIA where I too, can learn how to torture.

I have not disappeared.

I’m just…….in Nobody Needs Deep Sleep Gitmo.

Where I am losing sleep— but gaining my sense of humor back.

I guess you really have to suffer in life to enjoy it. That’s all I have to say about it.

Only to add…Nobody’s Perfect. Someday, sleep will come. When I’m dead.

Until that time…I’ll write when I can.

March 22, 2018 Posted by | humor, Life, Uncategorized | , | 2 Comments

Nobody’s Perfect: Fergie

Nobody’s Perfect

Okay. Just in case you missed it.

I just watched it, and like many in the audience I couldn’t stop laughing.

Where’s the bed Fergie? Under the net? Did you remember to bring protection?

Was this to show how you REALLY feel about…basketball players?

Or do you really think America is SEXY?

Was this your imitation of Marilyn Monroe’s  Happy Birthday Mr. President?

Or just your attempt at revitalizing your career?

Sorry…do you even HAVE a career?

And how about those notes at the end? Not sure what the men who defended Ft. McHenry would have thought about this…

But, the rest of us thought it was a pip.

Love the dress. Go ahead and sing it again.

All smiles are welcome! At least she didn’t forget the words…

And how that happened this nobody is not exactly sure.

So, Congratulations Fergie. You win the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week!

Fergie may not be a household name, but after this, she will have top billing on YouTube as one of the few singers to have sung our National Anthem and actually get a good laugh.

 

February 19, 2018 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | , , | 3 Comments

Nobody Gets Email on a Sunday

Nobody Flashes

Okay…let’s add…Nobody Gets Email.

Somebody just sent me this and I’m doing my usual busy Sunday chores, so I thought…why not?

It’s not meant to offend…it’s just a clever skit meant to make you laugh.

Enjoy!

(Thanks to Anthony)

February 17, 2018 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody Flashes: Burger the Fascist King

Nobody Flashes

Here’s your friendly fascism ad wrapped up in a Super Bowl promotion, where the Brazilian owned Burger King, decided to—-well—instead of promoting their food, they are trying to get people to believe that net neutrality is ‘unfair’

What’s unfair, is what it WAS: Controlled by the liberal elites.

Maybe the passing of net neutrality actually caused Twitter, and Google to put more censorship on conservatives. I’m just saying.

Really, this ad is so misleading, and what’s even more insulting is look at how the people are pissed off because they can’t get their whopper.

Fat and sloppy Americans, mad because they can’t get their food. I imagine this goes over well in Brazil.

If Burger King is so concerned with ‘social justice” then let’s see an ad where illegal immigrants get free whoppers, while ‘white’ people have to pay $26. Where blacks only have to pay $5.00.

THAT would be a more accurate picture.

You can bet, that most of the ads on the Super Bowl now, will be promoting some kind of liberal/communist…message.

We go to Burger King once in a great while. But really.

It’s always empty.

When government and corporations are joined at the hip…what’s that called?

I’ll give you a hint: There’s nothing “neutral” about it.

 

 

 

January 26, 2018 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | , | 1 Comment

Nobody Flashes George Carlin

Nobody Flashes

With the government ‘shutdown’ going on today, we could all use a laugh, don’t you think?

This routine gets better EVERY year.

Enjoy! Once again, the genius of George Carlin.

January 19, 2018 Posted by | global warming, humor | , , | Leave a comment

Who Would You Trust? The Reporter on CNN or Your Local Psychic?

Nobody’s Opinion

Well, it’s official: Full moon. lst day of 2018. Get your charts out. Your Ouija board. Your internet “What your toes tell about you.” forecast.

My toes are perfectly straight. My husbands toes, well the middle toe is the longest which means…he’s an alien. Don’t believe those internet toe charts.

Trump is STILL President. That’s the good start. The bad start is a lot of people won’t be able to start their cars tomorrow due to global warming of the coldest weather we’ve seen in ages.

It’s the beginning of the year and everybody wants to ‘predict’ what’s going to happen, because it fills up ENDLESS hours of cable time, where nobody has to talk about anything real.

Last night I was switching from Dick Clark’s New Year’s Eve celebration to the FOX channel, and if you didn’t see the psychic lady they had on FOX…giving out her predictions of 2018 to the viewers, well, you have never seen a traffic accident walking…. I was mesmerized.

Her eyeshadow ALONE made Mariah Carie’s dress look like an understatement. Both eyes were a cascade of glittery, pasted on colors so heavy, she had trouble looking through her eyelashes to even read her predictions. Each eyelid looked like it weighed at least 40 pounds.

It was funny. Her papers were flying out of her hand in the wind, and she couldn’t see the paper in front of her face because her eyes were filled with green glitter.

Not to mention, her outfit was Halloween, Easter, Christmas, and the tooth fairy all rolled into one blond burst of color. And her HAIR. It was so out of this world, I refuse to think about it. It was a mixture of goat cheese, jelly, and macaroni sweet tarts.

And WE were supposed to take her seriously.

Really.

She started on her predictions for next year, and it was…of course…all about how President Trump was going down. Sounded like to hell, or maybe Macy’s basement. I don’t know, she acted like he was due to fail in every way you can imagine, and the commentator had to act like this lady was for real.

After I finally got into bed after 2pm, there was another lady psychic on Coast to Coast am radio station. (My husband snores…so, radio beats earplugs.)

She was all doom and gloom about Trump.

Here’s the deal: You could laugh and just shrug off these idiots as desperate entertainment to boost ratings, but neither lady could get OFF the subject of Trump. No predictions of the weather, North Korea, Oprah, Niagara Falls boiling over, nothing. Or even football…Just Trump.

As if there was nothing else in the world that existed but the President.

You don’t have to be a genius to realize that the global elite is not taking any chances. I think we are going to see a butt-load of these psychics next year.

If the regular fake news is not going to be believed, because the regular pundits predict President Trumps downfall every other second, (And they have failed.) then PLAN B:

Put as many psychics as we can on the News.

Because people believe psychics. They know the media is lying to them, but why would a psychic lie?

NEVER!!

The irony is beyond comprehension.

Yes, years of Vampire movies, supernatural monsters, and government controlling people through polls, which are just basically just paper psychics—have taken a toll on the American culture.

This bombardment of superstitions, are being used by the elites to wear your opinion of President Trump down. They are meant to make you give up: President Trump is doomed. The great Houdini Magnificent says so!

Get that in your heads, you nasty deplorable!

The elites are paying big money to THOUSANDS of people, who are paid to come up with effective ways to manipulate the masses. And that’s a little secret that nobody knows. Putting psychics on really helps.

There is little difference between a CNN reporter, the latest ‘poll’ or a psychic.

Anyway, I searched for a picture of this women, but I can’t find one. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who thought she was funny.

I bet there are hundreds like me are searching for her right this minute. Something tells me, we will see her again.

 

I just hope this time, she keeps her eyelashes on. If they fall off, she will look just like any other reporter.

And that would defeat the purpose.

And FOX, just in case your reading this: Put on a few more transvestite psychics on would you?

You can’t claim to be Fair and balanced if you don’t.    

January 1, 2018 Posted by | Deep State, humor, Uncategorized | , | 1 Comment

Nobody Flashes the REAL Criminal….And Cool Song

Nobody Flashes

This is SUCH a catchy song, I just had to play it again.

Enjoy!

December 8, 2017 Posted by | Hillary, humor | | 2 Comments

Nobody Flashes: A Father’s Wedding Gift…Laughter and Wisdom

Nobody Flashes

I was going to wait until Sunday to post this, but after reading my columns all week, I think a good laugh is in order.

This father is great. You can bet, that when “God” takes this father, they will need to find a bigger church.

If you haven’t seen this: You’re missing one of the greatest father’s wedding speech of all time:

Enjoy!

(Thanks to Tom Beebe)

November 24, 2017 Posted by | humor | , | Leave a comment

Nobody Flashes “The Most Wonderful Time In Eight Years!”

Nobody Flashes

Some GOOD cheer from me for a change.

Enjoy!

Won’t be long before Christmas is here. I actually bought a turkey today.

 

 

November 3, 2017 Posted by | humor | , , | Leave a comment

Nobody Writes A Letter to U.S. Congressmen

Nobody’s Opinion

I was going to write about this last week…the naked lady statue issue…but then Las Vegas happened, and it was put on the back burner. And so…. trying to reinvigorate the subject of naked statues… after so many were killed and injured seems almost…ridiculous.

So, I decided to write a letter instead…to my Congressmen.

After all, what are they doing nowadays besides nothing?


Dear Congressmen:

As an American citizen who believes in the Constitution, and who has been paying your salary along with my other countrymen all my life, I think, as a woman, I should have a say in what you decide to put up on display in our Capitol.

After all, it IS our Capitol too, is it not? Rumor has it that soon, there will appear on the National Mall, a giant naked, woman. One that NOBODY will be able to miss. Probably one who is very well endowed and good-looking, unlike most of the liberal women who walk the streets of D.C. So….

Whose bright idea was it to put a giant naked woman right out in the open for all the little school kids to see? I heard the “park” services have already approved it.

What? Is this another attempt to ‘merge’ us with the Vatican and the EU? Pacify Black Lives Matter?

We can go to Italy and see the Masters…is this artist a “master?”

The artist says it’s a statement to “empower” women. REALLY? How many ugly, and fat woman are going to be ‘empowered’ by seeing another “perfect” body being displayed to remind them that they are rejects?

Idiots. You just ‘empowering” men to more excitement. As if we didn’t have enough porn in our movies, now you need to put it near our national monuments?

And tell us again…WHY is that?

And being that you are so concerned about the dear Muslims, wouldn’t that offend…the Muslims?

And speaking of Muslims, one of the reasons Game of Thrones is so popular is because there are a lot of naked women on that show. Come on, it’s like when men say, “I read Playboy for the articles.”

Sure. If that was the case, America would not have produced so many of the men who walk the halls of our the Capitol.

Game of Thrones, the most popular TV program, IS nothing but a story about sex and power, a perfect mirror of Washington D.C., (And Hollywood) and yet…do the naked women in D.C. have dragons at their command in case we have more Wieners in office?

I don’t think so. Nancy Pelosi doesn’t count.

Okay. You could laugh if it was actually funny. The feminists are beyond hypocrisy, are they not?

The “sexual” revolution didn’t ‘free’ women at all. If anything, it left them more hopeless than ever before. All that statue says to me is “Hey, we like you better if you were all naked!”

The ‘revolution’ message to me was:  We are not thinking beings, we are just horny toads, BOTH sexes can be mindless and hedonistic, forget the consequences.

Along with the equality of women— lawyers can now make more money off of divorces, child support, and custody battles, it’s a win/win for the democratic party.

Add to that the BIG money for planned parenthood and abortion clinics, because GOD FORBID we should saddle those young women with a baby with all this free sex stuff. (Remember, Obama?)

Yes, President Obama who didn’t want his daughters to be stuck with a child, but who lets them work for Harvey Weinstein, a now known serial sexual predator, probably thinks this is a good idea.

(Come to think of it, that statue looks a bit like a purple Michelle Obama….where’s her hair?)

I’m thinking maybe a statue of a naked Harvey Weinstein should go up right next to her, Add a naked President Bill Clinton to the other side.

Let’s have a ‘teaching’ moment, if that’s what the women are trying to point out.

And since little kids will now be encouraged to think about sex at 5 or 6 when they see this statue, why not legalize marriage for women before puberty?

Wait! The Muslims have already done that….

Well…sex sells. Even cheerleaders now can fulfill that sexual fantasy guys…I’m expecting these girls to be at the next Super bowl.

Wait, that’s already been done by Beyoncé.

Gee, I really am behind the times.

I’m not saying we should go back to the Victorian age, but putting statues of naked ladies in our Nation’s Capital where millions of kids can see the naked woman’s body for the first time?

You really think that’s a good idea?

Or, are you, as O’Rourke claimed long ago…just a parliament of whores, and need to be represented?

In that case, I suggest you move it into statuary hall, to be with the other whores.

So, Dear Congressmen.

If you go along with this, under the guise that it is “freedom of speech” and you do NOT protect the nation’s children who have enough problems on their little minds without having to be exposed to naked women, (god knows they’ve been exposed to enough sex by the D.C. politicians) then I suggest you put a naked man right next to her.

Anthony Wiener is ready. He would be thrilled to ditch the boxers, I’m sure.

If the “pussy” brigade artist thinks that a giant naked woman sets women free, then I suggest he get himself one of those new sex robots, because god knows, I as an American citizen do NOT want that man to procreate.

Only God could save those genes.

Do your job, Congressmen. Surely, you can find time to just say “No”.

You are SO good at that. 

Sincerely,

A concerned wife, mother and American citizen.

 

October 8, 2017 Posted by | American History, humor, sex, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

Nobody Could Solve the Problem With a Little Bit of Humor

Nobody Flashes

Okay, I have it. I have a way to solve this whole ugly, messy, nasty, fight between the black football players and their VERY angry followers.

BEFORE the National Anthem is played, they could all come out and kneel, then stand up, and this song should be blasted throughout the stadium.

And THEN, those same football players could, grab each other shoulders, line up, and do this Greek Dance…to Zorba the Greek.

Wouldn’t that simply be hilarious? Wouldn’t that make you just want to forgive them?

Okay. So that will never happen. But in a sane world, if this Nobody owned a football team, I would tell the players they would have to do this ( as a form of asking forgiveness for being such idiots) or else they wouldn’t get paid.

Pretty simple. If they refuse, then, let them get a lawyer.

Go ahead, picture it in your mind…good idea huh?

All nonsense aside, I grew up on Herb Alpert, simply because my brother was a professional trumpet player, and every Christmas he would buy ME a Herb Alpert album.

Right. Just what I wanted. But, I had to admit looking back, the guy truly was a talent.

Zorba the Greek. I wonder, if the Greeks still dance to this?

Enjoy…and feel free to give it a try next time you celebrate…..anything that looks like America has gone back to sanity.

(Might be a while.)

September 29, 2017 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

P.T.S.D.: Post Trump Sex Disorder and How to Cure it.

Nobody Wonders

You might wonder: Joyanna, how can you be so…weird? Where do you come up with some of these wild conspiracies?

If you must know,  I make it a point to read every day, and I make it a point to read a wide variety. I read in the morning, in the bathroom, in my office, online, in the car, in my bed, sitting at the doctor’s office, dental chairs, billboard signs, etc.. I read so much I’m surprised my eyeballs haven’t got permanent type marks engraved on my eyeballs.

I thought I was the only nut who did this, until I read that Alvin Toffler, the grand master of progressive social engineering, the author of “Future Shock”… said he did the same thing…. only he only read various world newspapers every day. (Boring)

What have I learned? Enough to know that the printing world has been taken over by demons.

It doesn’t matter what you read nowadays, or where you read it. It could be in a cooking book, a book on space, how to clean out your closet….no matter:  it’s all about trashing President Trump.

For instance, the editor of Vanity Fair, Graydon Carter, is single-handily the most vicious attacker in print. He makes Time Magazine look like Readers Digest in big print, when it comes to the subject of Trump.

And since Trump announced his candidacy, Carter has been on a rampage of rancor against the President and everyone in his administration.

He hates him.

Here’s a sample from one of his editorials:

“His presidency is effectively doomed…it’s only a question now of how and when it will end. Treason? Impeachment? Incapacity? Until that day, you should be forgiven if you think you are suffering from extreme, full blown P.T.S.D. President Trump Stress Disorder. You are not alone.”

You know, nobody thought he would win, so sorry Carter, you lost.

Still, I was surprised when I was flipping through Cosmopolitan Magazine, and discovered how the editors there were concerned about P.T.S.D.

In Cosmo’s P.T.S.D —stress becomes ‘sex’. And according to Cosmo, there seems to be less sex happening all over the United States:

Are you, dear girl, not feeling the urge? Here’s their answer:

“Could it be PTSD? But not the kind you’re thinking of: If you haven’t been suffering from Post Trump Sex Disorder. It’s a sudden and swift aversion to sex caused by the anger, fear, and confusion you’re absorbing from the current political climate.”

How does Cosmos solve this problem? (Let’s ask Hillary!) They say: All you need to do to conquer this lack of sexual interest is to go and protest.

“Protests are powerful…and they can be a great aphrodisiac”

Who knew?

Yes, the liberals are telling kids if they go to protests against that horrible President, they might feel the desire to get laid, and then they will feel better. I was waiting for them to suggest having sex on a cop car, or instead of throwing pee in bottles they could throw wads of condoms and dildos.

Too bad. They didn’t give details.

But Joyanna, you say….These are liberal magazines, what do you expect? Especially when the next page they ask, “ I know I’m supposed to pee after sex, but what about after using my vibrator?”

(I say, dip your vibrator in glue, or better yet, hot sauce mixed with glue.)

Good god. If you even need a vibrator, then obviously, you are not protesting in the right place.

Try Berkeley. You might get lucky and run into Bill Ayers. The sex could be explosive!  In fact, I suggest you go up to him and say, “Are you glad to see me, or is that an explosive in your pocket?” (sorry)

Anyway, back to Greydon. Carter. 

One of the things that annoys Carter is the fact that when Trump stands up…he does NOT button his suit. Why…every man with any class and intelligence KNOWS that you MUST button your suit upon standing, or else…you are…a moron and not worthy.

As I wondered how Carter could even CLAIM to be an intellectual after complaining in his editorial about the horrible sin that President Trump does not button his suit, being as that makes him sound like a petty jealous girly moron about the age of 14, I came upon THIS in AARP:

A little smidgen about ties on page 9, AARP’s latest issue:

TIE VOTE: No doubt, our new president defies convention to politics. But also in fashion. Some detractors have noted this refusal to follow the modern norms of tie length. President Trump likes to wear them an inch or more below the belt. “We propose an amendment.”

Gee..AARP is sorely concerned that Trump’s tie is too long.

All this complaining from liberal dip wads makes me want to put on a suit, with a man’s tie hanging down to my knees, and take a picture of myself, a vibrator in one hand, sitting on the toilet with anti-bacterial lotion in the other, with a sign behind me that says:

THIS is how you cure your ugly ass, and finally get laid! 

(And these people call themselves intellectuals.)

Here’s the good news: Graydon Carter just quit. Why? He didn’t want to have to fire people, because Vanity Fair has to downsize due to the fact that readership has fallen off the planet.

AARP? They were the ones who pushed Obamacare in the first place. Thanks a lot AARP. Really, now about more articles on HOW TO GET RID OF IT!!!

This really is a shock. I’m sorry. I know it’s been going on for a long time but… REALLY? They have to label the hatred of the President with P.D.S.T, and make it sound like a venereal disease— and THEN spread it around the publishing universe?

Very Clever.

That’s why I’m going to my own protest: I’ve got an old copy of Huckleberry Finn. I’m going to take it down off the shelf, and READ it.

And after reading that, I plan to have REAL sex.

Don’t tell the kids.

September 12, 2017 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | 2 Comments

Nobody’s Flashes Email: Because I Need a Break from the News

Nobody Gets Email

I can’t help it…I posted this because of the oxygen question….and wouldn’t you like to know who does this in the shower?

Enjoy!

(Thanks to Kris)


THOUGHTS FROM THE SHOWER

  • If you attempt to rob a bank you won’t have any trouble with rent/food bills for the next 10 years, whether or not you are successful.
  • Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

  • What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

  • If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

  • Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C?

  • Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V?

  • Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

  • Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty

  • The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims.”

  • Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

  • 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

  • Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

  • The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.

  • If you replace “W” with “T” in “What, Where and When”, you get the answer to each of them.

  • Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.

  • If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

  • If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we’ll just call it “2’s Day.” (It does fall on a Tuesday)-

 

July 28, 2017 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

%d bloggers like this: