Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

It Starts….EARLY

Nobody Flashes

I don’t care who you are, this sums up the differences between the sexes perfectly.

This kid will have that same look on his face when he’s 74. Is he confused by the fact that they look-alike?

Or because one is crying and one is not?

Or because he feels like he’s just been put between two aliens species?

Or because he has no CLUE what to do?

I love it.

Enjoy!

July 21, 2017 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | | 1 Comment

CNN: Making our Day!

Nobody Flashes

When CNN went after the poor kid who made the video of CNN and Trump, trying to silence his free speech…

I bet they never imagined what would happen.

Now they know. And don’t you wonder what all the liberals who made all these movies are thinking about all this?

Ha ha!

Enjoy!

July 15, 2017 Posted by | humor | , | Leave a comment

America Attacks CNN BACK

Nobody Flashes

One day after Independence Day, and I’ve taken a day off, due to a bad cold. So, since this is going around the internet, I am posting it here, because it’s just so fun.

Enjoy!

July 5, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Email: North Korea Super Heroes

Nobody Gets Email

Here’s a picture you don’t see often….I thought this was funny.

(Thanks to Kris)


North Korea Super Heroes

These guys are tough. I don’t remember any wars they’ve had in over 60 years, so these medals must be for heroism in marching, posturing, kissing butt, clapping and dancing!.
These North Korean officers could easily be defeated with a giant magnet …

June 30, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

The Tale of One Happy Lizard

 

Nobody Gets Email

It’s been awhile since I got any jokes…but here’s one that I liked mostly because it seems to reflect a typical married couple, and it’s too strange NOT to be true.

Enjoy.

(Thanks to Tom Beebe)


In case you ever think Facebook isn’t worth it:

Billy Rice

Here’s what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was “something wrong” with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

“He’s just lying there looking sick,” he told me. “I’m serious, Dad . Can you help?”

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

“Honey,” I called, “come look at the lizard!”

“Oh, my gosh!” my wife exclaimed. “She’s having babies.”

“What?” my son demanded. “But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!”

I was equally outraged.

“Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn’t want them to reproduce,” I said accusingly to my wife.

“Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage? “she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!).

“No, but you were supposed to get two boys!” I reminded her (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).

“Yeah, Bert and Ernie!” my son agreed.

“Well, it’s just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know!” she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

“Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,” I announced. “We’re about to witness the miracle of birth.”

“Oh, gross!” they shrieked.

“Well, isn’t THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?” my wife wanted to know.

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

“We don’t appear to be making much progress,” I noted.

“It’s breech,” my wife whispered, horrified.

“Do something, Dad!” my son urged.

“Okay, okay.” Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

“Should I call 911?” my eldest daughter wanted to know. “Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.” (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

“Let’s get Ernie to the vet,” I said grimly.

We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

“Breathe, Ernie, breathe,” he urged.

“I don’t think lizards do Lamaze,” his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for G~d’s sake.).

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

“What do you think, Doc, a C-section?” I suggested scientifically.

“Oh, very interesting,” he murmured. “Mr. and Mrs.. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?”

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

“Is Ernie going to be okay?” my wife asked.

“Oh, perfectly,” the vet assured us. ‘This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn’t EVER going to happen.

Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And, occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um…um . . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.” He blushed, glancing at my wife.

We were silent, absorbing this.

“So, Ernie’s just…just…excited?”, my wife offered.

“Exactly,” the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

“What’s so funny?” I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. “It’s just…that…I’m picturing you pulling on its…its…teeny little…”

She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

“That’s enough,” I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

“I know Ernie’s really thankful for what you did, Dad.” he told me.

“Oh, you have NO idea,” my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

Two lizards: $140.

One cage: $50.

Trip to the vet: $30.

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard’s winkie: Priceless!

Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class. Lizards lay eggs!

June 23, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Perfect: Natwiana Clark

Nobody’s Perfect

This week, we have a perfect example of one of the reasons WHY we are trillions in debt.

Natwiana Clark, a government worker in Gainesville, FL, decided that, she deserved a Brazilian Butt lift, courtesy of the American taxpayer…

Via Breitbart:

 A woman who worked for the city of Gainesville, Florida, allegedly stole more than $93,000 in city funds and used the money to pay for a Brazilian butt lift as well as other purchases, according to a report.

The report also found that Clark, a former city staff specialist, used her credit card issued by the city 136 times for $61,000 in unauthorized charges, charged her supervisors’ credit cards 36 times for $31,000, and charged $500 to a coworker’s card that she used five times.

An auditor for the city said that Gainesville’s parks department did not provide much oversight over the 15 months the purchases were made, making it easy for someone to steal the funds.

You see, Natwiana was not happy with the $33,000 she was making a year…so she just used government credit cards to buy a sweet life to go along with her sweet new big butt.

If you think that Natwaina is a rare example of ‘looting’, think again.

The government is filled with petty thieves, and most of them don’t get caught. They book themselves Hawaiian vacations every year, ‘business trips’, strip bars, and pay their bills with the taxpayer’s money.

Who KNOWS how many butt and boob jobs we have paid for?

And I hate to say this, but the blacks know more about scamming the system than most whites. Yes, they keep their scamming a BIG secret. Ask any black woman how she managed to get disability, food stamps, free housing and free healthcare, (and I have) and she will just smile at you. Here in St. Louis, most of the people who are handing out these government freebies things ARE black. You think they don’t use their prejudice against white people to refuse them the same thing they freely give to other blacks?

Obama would say: It’s a tribal thing.

Here in North St. Louis, the black schools were SO Bad, they had to close them down. You see, the administrators were making huge salaries, and no money was going to the students, and the all black teachers really didn’t care, because they were going on big vacations, and the kids couldn’t pass any tests at all.

They closed the schools down.

They had to BUS the black kids to white schools where white people lived, and their kids had to give up a lot in order to fulfill the needs of the many black kids coming in.

It’s a big problem, and continues to be. But it’s not just the black government workers that steal….oh no. Just observe Congress.

Take Harry Reid for example. Or John McCain. They can buy just about anything or anybody.

All over the country, white AND black people, who work for the government, give themselves big bonuses, and get credit cards…it’s done everywhere.

So, Congratulations Natwaina! You win the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week, for thinking that nobody would notice that your boyfriend wasn’t making THAT much money. In case you haven’t noticed…there’s IS a new sheriff in town.

But don’t worry Natwaina. No doubt, that Brazilian butt lift will come in handy in prison. Nobody is going to mess with you.

All you will have to do is threatened to sit on them.

June 19, 2017 Posted by | corruption, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Nobody Flashes Red Hair & Henny Youngman

Nobody Flashes

It’s that time of year again, when even people who live in the one up from bottom bogy brown take a few days off of her usual ‘opinions’.

Yes, I will be getting away from the absurdity of the daily insanity which seems to have taken over the planet for a few days.

Can you blame me?

I mean— I just bought some milk from a woman who had RED hair. I mean, RED hair. She was black, and it actually looked good on her.

“Is that your real hair?” I asked.

“Well, my sister weaved it in…”

“It looks real.” I said. And she did look cute.

There you go. I have now gotten used to blue, pink, red, purple hair. And what does that mean?

It means: I need a short vacation.

And short it will be. I’ll be back later on this week. Without red hair, but be sure, I will get all my real choice words I have at the moment for John McCain, out while I’m gone.

The MOON is going to hear me complain about that asshole. I don’t know what makes him tick, but I hope it’s a time bomb. (Old Henny Youngman joke.)

Sorry, somebody had to say it.

In the meantime, I hope everyone is not letting the idiots of the world spoil their summer.

Back soon….

Joyanna

 

 

 

June 11, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Perfect: Griffin– Aslan

Nobody’s Perfect

It’s a great week for moronic people. For instance, Kathy Griffin has been on the front page since she since she dipped a fake Trump’s head in blood.

“I made a horrible, horrible call,” she continued. “Trust me, if I could redo the whole thing I’d have a blow-up doll and no ketchup.”

Sorry Kathy, that’s not ketchup. I would know, it’s practically what I live on. Ketchup does NOT drip. What? Did you get complains about the REAL blood? You think we’re stupid?

In an amazing feat of typical liberal. “go on the attack when caught in crimes” Kathy claims that President Trump, took her down.

How CRUEL. After the fact: It’s starting to look like the whole thing was set up.

Frankly, I got a kick out of the apology tape where she took off her big, fake, eyelashes. I don’t know who glues them on, but most of the time one of them is falling off. Now, I love makeup, and wear it myself, but Kathy’s eyelashes look like Spiderman’s leftover breakfast toast.

It’s hurtful to me,” Griffin said. “There’s a bunch of old white guys trying to silence me and I’m just here to say that it’s wrong.”

It’s wrong? Holding up your own beheading video is not exactly right, Kathy. And you’re not exactly young, now are you? I wonder how many black guys thought what you did was pretty disgusting too?

And then there’s the Muslim? on CNN, named Raza Aslan, who said the President was a “piece of shit.”
Yes, he has a job. CNN, once the most rejected name in news is now truly…a piece of shit network.

Nobody watches it. Which is why they are hiring Muslims to cuss out President Trump. He eats brains I’m told…and probably knows Kathy.
CNN made him apologize. Ratings. Ratings. What will he say next? This woman, man, whoever.
Will Raza say he wants another man raped?

Will he interview Kathy Griffin on his show and give her an award, shaped like a machete?

Stay tuned. Looks like for the immediate future, my Nobody’s Perfect Award will never have trouble finding a moron.

They seem to be…. everywhere.

 

June 5, 2017 Posted by | American Culture, Entertainers, humor, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

Nobody Remembers the Ruthlessness of Wu Choa

Nobody Remembers

In the annuals of power, there is a rule: Crush your enemies totally, or else they will come back to hurt you…so I thought, I’d go back and tell the story of Wu Choa.

Before President Trump crushed 17 opponents (Lyin Cruz—Low-energy Jeb— Little Marco.) and the most powerful political family in American history (Crooked Hillary) ….

Before The dynasties of the Clintons where there is a long list of mysterious deaths of anyone who dared to cross them…

China had Wu Choa.

Wu Choa was born in A.D. 625, and was the daughter of a Duke. Because women back in those days had to be married…for power…

Wait. Hillary Clinton did that. Okay. History repeats itself…

Sorry. There was no marriage for Wu Choa to gain power.

BUT she did manage to get in the harem of Emperor T’ai Tsung. Wu knew she had to compete with all the other women in the harem, so she managed to seduce the emperor’s son Kao Tsung, on the only occasion he was alone: When he was taking a piss.

(Don’t you wonder how she did that?)

The Emperor Died, and Wu ended up in a convent. But, for 7 years she planned her escape. Somehow, she started communicating with his son again, and the son’s new wife, and she managed to get back into the royal harem.

While there, she flattered his wife and they became good friends.

What was her next move? How did she become Emperor of China? She was…ruthless.

Wu Choa gave birth to a child, and ONE day, when the empress came to visit her, as soon as she left, Wu Choa smothered her own child, and made it look like the jealous wife of the emperor did it.

Of course, everyone thought it was the empress that killed the child and she was executed. Wu was crowned empress in her place. From then on, she was known as Empress Wu.

When she got older, she noticed that her beautiful young niece was becoming a favorite of her husband. She poisoned her food with clay, and she died. Then, in 675 she poisoned another one of her own sons, touted as the apparent heir as well.

The next eldest son of his by another woman, she exiled on trumped-up charges.

When the emperor died, Wu managed to declare THAT exiled son as unfit to rule.

Over the next five years, many tried to take over by coup attempts but she had them all executed.

Yes, she was ruthless.

She then proclaimed herself as a divine descendant of Buddha, (something I’m surprised Hillary hasn’t thought of yet) And named herself the Holy and Divine “Emperor” of China.

There was nobody left from the T’ang dynasty, and she ruled until she was 80 and was forced to abdicate.

The moral here is President Trump did NOT ruthlessly destroy Hillary. And now…she’s back.

Clearly…she is out for revenge.

President Trump needs to crush her once and for all, or we will never be rid of her.

I suggest he keep calling her “crooked” Hillary.

It’s the least, he can do.

And just in case, do what Obama did. Have someone test his food before every meal.

Who KNOWS where the loyalty of the White House Chef remains?

 

June 1, 2017 Posted by | History, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Perfect: Is it too late to Abort Gloria Steinem?

Nobody’s Perfect

This week we have the leader of the “feminists” movement being an idiot. I tried to find somebody as weird as Gloria Steinem, but, I just couldn’t.

Frankly, I can’t believe this woman is still alive. I can’t believe she is getting even stupider.

I can’t believe that Prince Charles doesn’t divorce Camellia and marry her.

I can’t believe a lot of things lately.

But one thing we CAN believe, it’s clear that the RICH ELITE SNOBS, blame just about everything on climate change, and too many people being on the planet. But Gloria goes further. She says that it’s women having babies instead of abortions, that is to blame, for climate change.

And who MAKES these women have those babies?

MEN. (Yes, yes, laugh here.) Evil men.

Quotes of Gloria via Breitbart:

“Are you kidding me? Listen, what causes climate deprivation is population. If we had not been systematically forcing women to have children they don’t want or can’t care for over the 500 years of patriarchy, we wouldn’t have the climate problems that we have. That’s the fundamental cause of climate change,” she said.

“Even if the Vatican doesn’t tell us that,” she added.

She then goes on to attack Ivana Trump for not believing in abortion:

“It’s not for adoptive parents, not for fathers,” she said. “That happens to be the same policy as every authoritarian regime on Earth that I know of, including Hitler’s Germany. I’m not saying that she knows this, but [the Nazis] were paying women to have children. By accident, perhaps, that’s her policy.”

Ooooooooo…Ivanka Hitler!

“Because the human load on this earth is the biggest cause of global warming, and that is because of forcing women to have children they would not on their own choose to have … I’m glad the Pope spoke out about global warming and it was very helpful, but does he know he’s causing it?” she added.

Newsflash! The POPE is the cause of Climate Change!

Tell me ladies, this came ONE day after Mother’s Day. And I don’t know one mother who regrets having her children. I DO know a lot of women whose husbands or boyfriends did NOT want them to have babies, and they led a childless life, after having abortions.

They regretted it EVERY single day.

No, I don’t know one mother who regrets having a child.

Not one. Nope. Nada. Unless of course it was Obama’s mother, who as we all know now, abandoned him.

What she wants is abortions for every conception, so we can save HER planet. Sorry to disappoint you Gloria, but the problems of the planet are caused by politicians, not the people trying to live on it. And global warming is caused…by…wait for it….

THE SUN! (Nobody wants to know what you were doing in science class.)

Makes you wonder how many abortions Gloria has had. How about it Gloria?

Fess up. Be the REAL feminist you are so proud to be, and tell us how many babies you aborted to save the world. Go ahead! Be a hero.

Notice, none of these women will admit to how many abortions they’ve had?

Sorry Gloria. Hate to tell you this but MOST women on the planet want babies. Somehow you missed that.

For example:

My husband’s boss’s wife just had their first baby last week, so he was telling my husband today about what happened last night. All the relatives came over to watch the newborn so that the new parents could got out to dinner.

They got about five minutes into the car, and the wife started crying.

“What’s wrong?” asked the husband.

“I should NOT have had this baby! I am destroying the planet! OMG, what have I done!”

Oh…wait. Actually, she didn’t say that….

“I miss my baby!” she sobbed. So, the husband turned around and when they got home she ran to the child, grabbed it into her arms and kissed it all over….as if she had made a trip to China for two years.

The husband was…baffled.

Gloria blames woman not getting abortions, on religion, the Pope, and probably Ivanka Hitler Trump.

But, there is an answer, Gloria…pay attention:

If the planet is overpopulated, then why don’t all the feminists just kill themselves, and SAVE the world!

We’ll even build a memorial for them.

Go ahead Gloria. One less woman flying around on private jets…just think how much you could do for our ozone level.

(Good god. I’m not giving this woman an award. It’s all too boring.)

Climate change is not the end of the world, it’s the norm. But woman like Gloria Steinem have done major damage to the culture of family, and love…. and her belief in free sex with no morals, a world where women live without men…?

That’s a whole other blog.

Gloria Steinem is not only NOT PERFECT, she’s a menace to us all.

Is it too late to abort her? I think I see a hot day coming…must be her fault…yep…the planet is not taking her too well….

May 15, 2017 Posted by | Angry Citizens, feminist, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

Gangnam Style….and Peace?

Nobody Flashes

So, does anybody besides me wonder if Kim Jung UN got together with Psy and made a video, that maybe he would find stardom around the world to stroke his ego, instead of launching missiles to make himself feel good?

North and South Korea could come together with dance moves. They could have video dance offs.

You have to hand to the Asians…they took western music video’s and had WAY too much fun.

Nobody Wonders if the people of North Korea have even HEARD this song.

Yes. I do wonder.

 

April 28, 2017 Posted by | absurd, music | , | Leave a comment

Jimmy Stewart Tells a Joke

Nobody Flashes

I just thought this was the sweetest thing.

Jimmy Stewart…telling a joke.

They don’t make movie stars like Jimmy Stewart anymore.

Class act. Great American.

Enjoy.

 

April 14, 2017 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Perfect: Airline Passenger VS Shawn Spicer

Nobody’s Perfect

This week, we have two men who were so absurd, they got the beginning WWIII off the news. Everybody on the planet was talking about the doctor who got on the United Airlines flight, then got off, then snuck back on, and THEN…he had to be dragged off screaming.

He is now in the hospital with his lawyer, who asked, “So, where was your can of Pepsi?”

Everyone under the sun has an opinion on the matter, but really, the guy acted like a snowflake. Clearly, he has watched too many Chinese Lives Matter programs. The lady in the movie is even more of an idiot.

The good news is now, we ALL know that you can get kicked off any flight at anytime for no reason whatsoever. So what’s new? One time, my husband and I made reservations at a Dierdorfs and Hart Restaurant to celebrate our wedding anniversary, and she seated us at a really romantic table and right in the middle of our salads, the waitress asked us to move because a “regular” client wanted our table.

It wasn’t a ‘request.’ They grabbed all our stuff and we had to follow, and yes, they moved us to a less than romantic table. We  finished dinner, and never went back.

That restaurant is no longer in business.

And then there’s Shawn Spicer’s grand moment of momentous “Brain FART!” I don’t know what he was smoking before he came out to handle the press, but to say that even HITLER didn’t use chemical weapons made you wonder what in the world you call the gas ovens?

Gas weapons?

Seriously Shawn. And then he goes on to say that at least Hitler didn’t gas his own people, trying to make Assad to be worse than Hitler.

It is painful to watch: First one foot. Then the other foot. Clearly Shawn needs some sleep.

So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?

Is it the doctor who didn’t want to get off the plane and threw an adult temper tantrum?

Or is it President Trump’s Press Secretary, who either didn’t pay any attention in history class, or John McCain is writing his notes.

And the Award goes to…………….(drum roll)

HILLARY CLINTON! For getting so desperate for attention she is modeling high heel pumps because they were named after her.

Wait…there’s that Pepsi commercial….this IS getting complicated.

April 11, 2017 Posted by | Hitler, humor, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Don Rickles: When Being Polically Uncorrect Brought Laughter.

Nobody Flashes

Don Rickles passed away last week. Unlike Chuck Berry, his passing didn’t get much of a notice, probably because he insulted everyone and it didn’t matter if they were Polish, Jewish, black or white…it was just funny.

That was his act, and those that knew him, loved him for it. It must have killed him to see the “politically correct” police censoring the comedians. Jerry Seinfeld has complained about it a lot. Once upon a time, you could tell just about any ethnic joke, and it was just in fun.

Those were the good old days.

Even though he was before my time, I still get a kick out of watching the other entertainers laugh at him.

Really. Don Rickles. I wish I could have seen him live in Las Vegas.

Hopefully, someone out there did.

RIP Mr. Rickles.

You know, you really had no talent whatsoever.

April 8, 2017 Posted by | humor | , | Leave a comment

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