I just thought this was the sweetest thing.
Jimmy Stewart…telling a joke.
They don’t make movie stars like Jimmy Stewart anymore.
Class act. Great American.
This week, we have two men who were so absurd, they got the beginning WWIII off the news. Everybody on the planet was talking about the doctor who got on the United Airlines flight, then got off, then snuck back on, and THEN…he had to be dragged off screaming.
He is now in the hospital with his lawyer, who asked, “So, where was your can of Pepsi?”
Everyone under the sun has an opinion on the matter, but really, the guy acted like a snowflake. Clearly, he has watched too many Chinese Lives Matter programs. The lady in the movie is even more of an idiot.
The good news is now, we ALL know that you can get kicked off any flight at anytime for no reason whatsoever. So what’s new? One time, my husband and I made reservations at a Dierdorfs and Hart Restaurant to celebrate our wedding anniversary, and she seated us at a really romantic table and right in the middle of our salads, the waitress asked us to move because a “regular” client wanted our table.
It wasn’t a ‘request.’ They grabbed all our stuff and we had to follow, and yes, they moved us to a less than romantic table. We finished dinner, and never went back.
That restaurant is no longer in business.
And then there’s Shawn Spicer’s grand moment of momentous “Brain FART!” I don’t know what he was smoking before he came out to handle the press, but to say that even HITLER didn’t use chemical weapons made you wonder what in the world you call the gas ovens?
Seriously Shawn. And then he goes on to say that at least Hitler didn’t gas his own people, trying to make Assad to be worse than Hitler.
It is painful to watch: First one foot. Then the other foot. Clearly Shawn needs some sleep.
So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?
Is it the doctor who didn’t want to get off the plane and threw an adult temper tantrum?
Or is it President Trump’s Press Secretary, who either didn’t pay any attention in history class, or John McCain is writing his notes.
And the Award goes to…………….(drum roll)
HILLARY CLINTON! For getting so desperate for attention she is modeling high heel pumps because they were named after her.
Wait…there’s that Pepsi commercial….this IS getting complicated.
Don Rickles passed away last week. Unlike Chuck Berry, his passing didn’t get much of a notice, probably because he insulted everyone and it didn’t matter if they were Polish, Jewish, black or white…it was just funny.
That was his act, and those that knew him, loved him for it. It must have killed him to see the “politically correct” police censoring the comedians. Jerry Seinfeld has complained about it a lot. Once upon a time, you could tell just about any ethnic joke, and it was just in fun.
Those were the good old days.
Even though he was before my time, I still get a kick out of watching the other entertainers laugh at him.
Really. Don Rickles. I wish I could have seen him live in Las Vegas.
Hopefully, someone out there did.
RIP Mr. Rickles.
You know, you really had no talent whatsoever.
I was just thinking: My generation suffered the insanity of the Vietnam War. We never DID get a decent explanation for why so many of our young men were sacrificed there.
If it was to prevent communism, as Eisenhower said, then it failed.
And isn’t it ironic, that our current leaders of America, most of them grew up and were against the war in Vietnam.
No more. They now make up the globalist elites who are now beating the war drums for Russia. (Clintons, McCain.) And Trump? We now have no clue.
Well, as the song says, they are now the Masters…and hearing this song again made me wonder why Bob Dylan got the Nobel Peace Prize.
But, let’s not forget our funny side. These made ME laugh.
Susan Rice, Obama’s former National Security Officer, is all over the news again: it seems it has now been discovered that it was she who put forth the ‘unmasking’ of classified material about President Trump and his administration, to, well, who knows how many people, which is a felony, but Susan denies it:
Rice said unmaking names in intelligence reports she received is standard procedure insisting, “I leaked nothing to nobody,” adding there is “no equivalence” between unmasking and leaking.
(It depends on what your definition of equivalence is.)
Rice said, “The allegation is that somehow Obama Administration officials utilized intelligence for political purposes. That is absolutely false. I was the national security advisor. My job is to protect the American people and the security of our country. That’s the same as the secretary of state, the secretary of defense, the CIA director, and every morning to enable us to do that, we receive, from the intelligence community, a compilation of intelligence reports that the intelligence community selected for us on a daily basis to give us the best information as to what is going on around the world. I received those reports as did each of the other officials, and there were occasions when I would receive a report in which a U.S. person was referred to. Name not provided, just U.S. person. And sometimes in that context, in order to understand the importance of the report, and assess its significance, it was necessary to find out, or request the information as to who the U.S. official was.”
Yes, yes…Susan’s tongue is formidable. After all, she used it to cover up Benghazi. She used it to cover up the fact that Obama traded five terrorists’ commandos for an American traitor…but I hate to say it…
Susan, you have competition. I noticed that recently, your tongue is starting to get you in trouble. That statement you gave last week about President Trump having too many “white” people in it, showed your TRUE racist color. That statement pissed off a LOT of white people.
That’s not good.
So, I’d like to help you out. After all, Obama deserted you, didn’t he? He’s off having fun with 51 men on a tropical island doing God knows what, and once again, you have to stay here and lie to cover up his orders.
So, here’s my suggestion. When you get called in front of Congress, you just send this lady up there to speak for you. Her tongue will do the job that is wearing yours out.
Nobody should have to continue to wear out their tongue with lies as much as you do.
I present to you, the master of tongues, in fact she holds the record. (Love the lipstick)
If nothing else, Having her testify for you in Congress, just might wake those guys up. And besides, we the American people are getting tired of your banter. Please…take a break. After all, Nobody’s Perfect, Susan. Not even you.
President Donald Trump, has just signed an executive order that all politicians must pass, and use Paul Ryan’s health care law. If they don’t then he threatens that he will put Maxine Waters in charge of the Pentagon.
In other news, Obama has just finished his new book, called, “Dreams of My Gay Lover.” Already, Shepard Smith has bought the first hundred copies which he is sending to the Adams/Hays hotel as a complimentary book meant to replace the Bible in the rooms.
Hillary Clinton has decided to run for President of Canada. And Obama is considering a new career as a host in his own TV talk show, his first guest will be Valerie Jarrett, who plans to dance the Tango in full hijab to show how easily it can be done.
On the opposite side of the planet, Australia has decided to give every citizen a gun, and a pound of ammunition. China has decided to kick out all American manufacturing businesses, and NIKE’s will now be made in Idaho.
Vladimir Putin is making a trip to Disney Land in Orlando, where he will be escorted around the park, by his new big fan, Lindsey Graham.
Food prices are expected to come down by 50% this year, and Congress has decided to cut all taxes by 75%.
Chelsea Clinton will be working in Libya soon, as the ambassador from the United Kingdom.
Bill Clinton will divorce his wife on grounds that she physically abused him, and he will be given a ‘safe place’ provided to him with round the clock protection.
SNL will be cancelled due to lack of an audience.
Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders will divorce their current spouses and hold their wedding in Michael Moore’s basement.
Michael Moore will lose 200 pounds and become a porn star movie producer.
Lassie has been brought back to life by her DNA, and cancer has been cured.
And that is all the news that is the news, on this day…April 2…..wait…What day is this?
I’m sorry, am I late here today?
Well, that’s because some dweeb of a computer engineer decided to HIDE the power button on my new computer. I turned it off last night to protect it from lighting…and when I came to write my blog, I was all ready to simply press the on button, but…no matter how many time I practically raped my ALL IN ONE screen with my fingers, there WAS no button.
I Googled, “HP Pavilion manual.” Nothing. I looked at my setup manual that came in the box.
Plug it in. Okay…It’s PLUGGED IN!
I watched 5 videos’ of men taking the HP Pavilion out of the box, and plugging it in, but…when it got to how to power it on…
By 4am. I was ready to admit, that Bill Gates had finally won. Invent a computer with no on/off button. I tossed and turned in bed, feeling as if I had lost my mind. OMG…did they tell me at Office Depot NEVER to turn it off? What did I do? What major crime did I commit? Is this the conspiracy that I’ve been waiting for? They don’t WANT you to turn off your computer? And isn’t that why I had to buy a new one in the first place? They told me NOT to turn it off and I did?
I popped some melatonin to turn off my brain, and in the morning, I told the story to my husband.
“That’s ridiculous.” He said. “Of course there’s a power button. I need a flashlight.” Thirty seconds later, he found the button. on the very right hand bottom of the computer, a spot I had pressed on it seemed at least 20 times. The difference being, I did NOT lift UP the monitor to look.
That’s why I love men. And that’s why, I’ve decided all women should worship the ground they walk on.
Now, that you know, a sense of humor is needed for the moment of my utmost cluelessness when it comes to any kind of computer.
(TAKE A CLASS JOYANNA! You are thinking. Right. Okay. Uh….why I have a man?)
And on another note completely….Please watch the video above and tell if it’s NOT the perfect description of the United Stated Government.
Leave it the Brits to explain our Washington D.C. so perfectly.
This week we have some serious firing among many people who are now looking for new work:
First up…Hillary Clinton is back, and so, all the people who ran her campaign have been fired. Coincidence? Are you kidding?
All Democratic National Committee staffers have been asked to submit their resignations amidst party turmoil, according to a new report.
Former Chair Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz was ousted as the party struggled from the primary election cycle to the general with their nominee Hillary Clinton. Losing candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders was rumored to have been seeking the ousting of Wasserman Schultz as a consolation in the results after Wasserman Schultz showed favor to Clinton for President over Sanders. Brazile took over afterward, but news that she leaked questions to Clinton brought more upheaval and eventually the election of Perez.
The one who really should have been fired, Hillary Clinton, gets to come back…and hire all new people.
And then there were the nurses and doctors in Columbia who decided to make fun of a naked unconscious man waiting for surgery.
It’s nice to know that, like democratic staffers, the doctors and nurses in Columbia take their job seriously.
So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award?
Was it the democratic staffers who, despite all their herculean efforts of cheating and fraud they couldn’t get Hillary Clinton elected?
Or was it the bunny ranch nurses who just couldn’t help making fun of a man who was butt-naked.
Nobody says….the Democratic Staffers win! Nobody could get that woman elected. You had to feel sorry for the staff…
As Obama famously once said, “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.”
As far as the nurses go…they might have done us a big favor. People here in the States are going to think twice about going south of the border for a cheaper operation. Unless of course, that was Hillary Clinton laying on that table…
They could sell tickets.
I had a ‘creative’ dream last night. In my dream, I created this beautiful engraved headstone for my parents, both of whom passed away many years ago: It was just ONE gravestone, but it was big enough to cover two graves. On the side, was a stone engravement of my father’s profile. And he was holding in his arms, his wife, my mother. And she was happy, and in love, and young, and cuddled softly in his arms. She was wearing her favorite checkered dress, and her high school saddle shoes. It was them, at the beginning of their love, when their love was fresh and new. Their names were engraved on the right of the stone: the stone replicas of them both…engraved on the left.
This huge headstone was so beautiful in my dream, I woke up and wondered why MORE gravestones of married couples aren’t seen in graveyards. All the graves are separate. Why not make just one gravestone for the couples who mate for life, to be remembered as mates for all eternity? I bet there are many couples that would love that.
I’m sure I had this dream because neither one of my parents got a traditional funeral. My father died first, and my mother donated his body to science. He died of a humongous brain tumor…we thought, naively at the time, that he would go to Washington University and would help the students study brain tumors.
After he died, I put together this big shelving, meant to hold various things…but it was, to me, his headstone. It’s in the kitchen now, holding up bowls and a popcorn machine, and NOW on the very spot where he died, there a statue of King Tut.
That’s my dad’s gravestone. King Tut. I think he would find that amusing.
My mom, also died in our house. She made me promise every day that I would NOT put her name in the papers, nor tell anyone about her death. She too, gave her body to science, hoping it would help someone. Like my father, she too suffered horribly in the last years of her life, paralyzed on one side as was my father. Both with massive damage from hemorrhagic strokes.
The day she died, I was sleeping next to her bed, passed out on the floor, exhausted from the night before. I had been up for over 40 hours trying to suction mucus out of her throat because she had pneumonia.
The nurses would not come.
I remember thinking when they came to take her body away, that there would be no place for me to mourn, and no one to remember her to me. No one knew she died. No one was there to console me, tell me stories about her that only they knew. My husband did the best he could, but now I know that funerals really are a special necessary. To help the people who love them bear the sorrow.
Nevertheless, funerals are too expensive for many now, and I have to wonder…are people cremating and donating because they can’t afford a funeral?
Right above the bed, where my mother died, I put a giant poster of the Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany. Whenever I asked her if there was one place she would want to go, she said it would be to Germany to see that Castle. So, I got a big beautiful gold frame, and engraved what I thought would go on her grave, and hung it right above the place that she died, in her King side bed which seemed to engulf her tiny body.
She never had the money to go to Germany, and I didn’t have the money to send her.
Eight months after my mother died, I had a dream, that her body was going into a cremation oven. It was on New Year Eve, 2002, that I had that dream. Her spirit hugged me before she went into that fire, and the love that I felt from her in that dream was bigger than ANY love I’ve ever felt on this earth. It was surreal. I often wonder if my mother’s body had been cremated that night for real, and why emotions in dreams can be so much stronger than in real life.
It was much later that I found out that bodies donated to science can go ANYWHERE. To dental students, to just about anywhere. The thought of my dad getting his teeth pulled out by a bunch of college students, when the real thing they should have been studying was his brain, left me horrified.
And by the way, in case you think that my parents were not religious, nothing could be farther from the truth. God, in our family, was in your heart, and in the sky, and a mystery to all mankind.
Which is why, the day after the dream, my husband and I both bought a Mega Million ticket, in which, we BOTH had the final number as 7, I took it as a sign from my parents who were thanking me for their lovely headstone that I designed in my head. Saying “See…you’re mates too!”
My mother’s King size bed was donated to the Veterans and in its place is my drum set, sitting under her ‘gravestone’ Castle in the sky. I play Gene Kruppa once in a while, because she always said when I played Gene Krupa’s “Sing, Sing, Sing” it put her to sleep.
You can’t do that in a graveyard. Just putting up the drum set alone would take a good 40 minutes.
So, don’t ask me why I’m telling you all this. It’s just that sometimes, when you have a creative dream…but wait! I just googled ‘coupled gravestones.”
I’m not the only one who had this dream…..darn. I was all ready to go be a stonemason.
You learn something new, every day….I better start saving up now….
Pretty cool this Handle robot. But Bill Gates says he should pay taxes.
Well then, you might ask yourself, why doesn’t Bill Gates computers pay taxes?
Just think, in the near future you could probably buy one of these “Handle’s” for $100,000 and scare your neighbors.
What I wanna know is…can it swim and cook?
And if it pays taxes, will it be allowed to vote?
Nobody Has Fun
It’s Saturday! And I can’t help it, these Hitler parodies are just too funny.
I couldn’t find the one I was looking for, but this one fits with all the talk about ‘fake’ news on CNN.
And at least somebody is enjoying the snow. My favorite part is when the seal pats his buddy. I think that is just adorable!
Okay, so the title doesn’t fit the joyous video. I’m listening to the radio as I post this, and can Obama get more disgusting in his last days? He’ll leave alright..but like the Clintons’ he won’t go away.
Okay, shut up. I’m sorry, they were suppose to accept defeat like adults. I couldn’t believe my eyes yesterday. I was checking out at Walgreens, and right there, by the checkout counter were COLORING BOOKS FOR ADULTS!!!!
My god. Really? ($%&%) Where’s my snowball?
Donald Trump showed us how to handle cupcakes:
It’s begun—- The “We don’t have to take your crap anymore” revolution, and Donald Trump is leading the way.
Donald Trump has inspired the American people and the Trump movement is alive and kicking. For EXAMPLE:
First: Kellogg trashed the conservative website Breitbart, and we all found out that Kellogg was giving money to George Soros, and Black Lives Matter. Brietbart started a petition to boycott their products and their stock went down. The liberals are all screaming that companies now can’t have an opinion, well, sure they can. But when they insult half their customers, the customers can do what their forefathers did.
Throw those Rice Krispies and Pop Tarts in the Boston harbor!
Okay. Just don’t buy them. They’re not that good for you anyway. Imagine what they would do to the poor fish.
Companies might start keeping their mouths shut. They will lose money on this one. Americans’ are learning.
Our forefathers refused the British Tea…..why can’t we refuse to endorse their products?
Count: Victory One.
Second: Rosie O’Donnell, who is so horrified that Donald Trump is President, had to put her little dig in to Donald Trump by retweeting some video that had been posted by an autistic man named James, and it basically said that Trump’s youngest son Barron was autistic.
He isn’t. But Rosie just couldn’t help herself…and didn’t care.
James put up this lovely apology, which was the right thing to do.
Rosie, also apologized to Melania….which is a miracle in itself, but you can bet Rosie would have lost MILLIONS in a lawsuit. Still, on her ‘blog’ she says this:
in 55 kids is an epidemic
donald and i agree on that
and not much else
i feel he is a clear and present danger
(What? Good god.)
for those who felt me a horror
what can i say
try r very best and fail often
(We just think you’re stupid. Don’t worry about it.)
as we try to save democracy
from this madman
who thinks OUR country is his
(Boy, where were YOU doing the election Rosie? Guess you have your hands full with your autistic child. That must be it.)
Second victory: Trump didn’t put up with this crap of them saying his son was autistic. Fine example for us all.
Rosie apologizing to the new First Lady? That’s not something anybody expected is it now?
Third: Some brats at a college in New Hampshire, were so mad at the election of Donald Trump, they burned the American flag. The idiots who run the place were with them: President Lash earlier excused the students saying the flag represented “a powerful symbol of fear they’ve felt all their lives because they grew up in marginalized communities, never feeling safe.”
Well, the Vets were not going to take this crap, so hundreds of veterans protested the college for taking the flag down.
It is now, back up and flying. Basically, the college liberals running the campus caved in.
They didn’t expects the veterans to act.
So, it’s all good— Thanks to our Vets and all they do for us, and for showing those idiots in New Hampshire the real meaning of country.
Victory three…I love getting used to this. Donald said we might get tired of winning…didn’t he? I might have to start a new column called, Nobody’s Victories, if this keep up.
Enjoy your weekend!
I love this video. A long list of rich liberals SWEARING that Donald Trump would never, ever, ever, ever be President.
I hope the next 8 years, they are tortured as much as the common folks were ‘tortured’ with Obama.