Not since Hilter cried out to condemn those “Jews” has an American leader reminded us all, that leaders CAN hate half of their country’s people. Clinton said she “apologized” for the comment, but nobody believes it. She really does ‘hate’ half the population.
How ironic. She was all “Love” and “compassion” at her convention….what happened?
But…why should we be surprised? Obama has hated “half” the population since he got into office. Those citizens that cling to their guns, religion, and Duck Dynasty. And Obama has done nothing but run a war on white Americans, since he’s been in office.
So, let me be ‘grossly generalistic’ Hillary.
You suffer from “Americaphobia.” Anything that pertains to a patriotic American makes you really sick.
And guess what? If you have ‘half’ of the citizens of America infecting you with every breath, it’s no wonder you’re not feeling well.
And the ‘illness’ that you think effects half of America is not going to get better any time soon. They are planning on spreading those germs in the voting booth in November.
I hate to tell you, but there IS no cure for love of country.
Your days are numbered Hillary.
Here, have a hankie.
Nobody Gets Email
Okay. When you first read this…you might go…”Wait, I’ve heard this one, Uh…I remember this one…”
I bet you don’t!
I’m starting off Saturday with a bit of humor, since it seems we will need it, after listening to Hillary today speaking very softly about how much danger we are all in…you know…as IF she is going to protect us.
I needed a laugh…we NEED to laugh, at the scary thought that it was Bill Clinton who gave North Korea the plutonium to make his missiles. Obama has done the same with Iran. And Hillary has sold uranium to Russia…I might go to a survival show this weekend…uh….
Can I get a vowel?
So, (Thanks to Madmemere!)
A young Arkansas boy goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend, he calls home.
“Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole’ Blue how to talk!”
“That’s amazing,” his Dad says. “How do I get Ole’ Blue in that program?” “Just send him over here with $1,000” the young Arkie says “and I’ll get him in the course.”
o, his Father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.”So how’s Ole’ Blue doing son?” his Father asks. “Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this — they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!” “Read!?” says his Father, “No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?” “Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.”
The money promptly arrives. The Arkie and his girlfriend are able to buy enough marijuana to last the whole semester. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his Father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. Even though he was always pretty much able to lie his way out of trouble, the Arkie asked his girlfriend to help him think of a really good lie to tell his Dad. She very quickly came up with a plan for him. So she has him shoot the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his Father is all excited. “Where’s Ole’ Blue? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!” “Dad,” the boy says, “I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole’ Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does”. “Then Ole’ Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your Daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?”
The Father went white and exclaimed, “I hope you shot that lying damn dog before he talks to your Mother!”
“I sure did, Dad!” “That’s my boy!”
The kid married his girlfriend, they both went on to law school in Fayetteville. He became Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States, and you already know what a lying bitch his girlfriend turned out to be!
Confession: One can never learn enough. That’s my motto. Some of this I knew, and some of this, like what they did with hysterical women, and foot binding, I did not.
I will never look at a pair of 7-inch heels the same way again.
And that had nothing to do with sex. But there IS sex in this. Historically speaking.
Enjoy! (Or not.)
Nobody Gets Email
The Sunday Funnies!
Here’s two great jokes I JUST got…hope you enjoy them as much as I did.
(Thanks to Madmemere)
When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, “How dare you try to destroy The Nation I helped conceive?” Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, “You wanted to end our liberties but you failed.” James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, “This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!” Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Obama with a long cane and snarled, “It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence.” The beatings and thrashings continued as James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist, leader. As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Obama wept and said, “This is not what you promised me.” The Angel replied, “I told you there would be 72 VIRGINIANS waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?
The British doctor says, we took a dead man’s balls and transplanted them to a living man and now he is looking for work. The German doctor says: In Germany, we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work.” The Russian doctor says: “Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another man’s chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work.” The American doctor laughs: “You all are behind us. Seven years ago, we took a Muslim with no brains, no heart and no balls and made him President. Now, the whole country is looking for work!”
This joke actually won an award for the best joke in world competition held in England.
And this: just about one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen….
Nobody Gets Email
A joke…sort of: (Thanks to Kris)
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,
“What are those clocks?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks, Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”
“Oh,” said the man, “Whose clock is that?”
“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”
“Incredible,” said the man.
“That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.”
“Where is Hillary’s clock?”
“Her clock is in Jesus office. He is using as a ceiling fan. “
It’s SATURDAY…Yeah! The Conventions are over with, and I’m proud to announce that today, I talked a woman who hated Trump, and was going to vote for Hillary, into changing her vote to Trump.
One at a time…one at a time.
Anyway, I just got this in the mail tonight, and I thought some of these were really funny. It’s men making fun of woman’s posing for pictures.
(Thanks to Mona)
Even though the last week brought heartache to America, it’s important that we remember…
We must live our lives and keep up our spirit, our hopes, and go on.
Remember, generations before us have had to deal with MUCH worse. We must NOT give in to Obama’s plans of a race war so that he can keep in office…which is what it seems he has planned.
Come on…do you really think he wants Hilary to be President? Look at this picture: She is hungry for his job
He is thinking: “I HAVE to give up Air Force One? Will Bill let me on HIS plane?”
So, in the continued promise of taking Saturday off…
Here’s a clever joke…about politicians.
(Thanks to madmemere)
I told my son “I want you to marry a girl of my choice!”
He said “NO!”
I told him it’s Bill Gates daughter.
He said “OKAY!”
I contacted Bill Gates & told him “I want your daughter to marry
He said “NO.”
Told him my son was the CEO of the World Bank.
He said “OKAY.”
Went to the President of the World Bank & told him to make
my son CEO of the Bank.
He said “NO.”
Told him my son was Bill Gates Son-in-Law.
He said “OKAY.”
And That’s Exactly how Politics work.
So, you THINK you know it all ….This is very important. The title alone explains it all.
I never realize what I needed to know!
Nobody Gets Email
Okay…after the godification of Muhammad Ali yesterday, where Billy Crystal said the famous Hillary line “We don’t need to build walls, we need to build bridges.” I think we all need to deflate and come down. I’m sure Billy Crystal has a moat with alligators around HIS house, and probably a statue of Ali in his library. Really. I love the guy. But jeez.
Anyway…enjoy these fun sayings….I did.
(Thanks to madmemere)
1. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much
I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the
Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met
I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me!
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment… Now, as a
grown up, it just feels like a small vacation….
My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no”
which is shorter than “yes.”
I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do
the second week.
Even duct tape can’t fix stupid… but it can muffle the sound!
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer
me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Nobody Gets Email
FINALLY! The Trump VS Hillary Jokes are here!
(Thanks to madmemere)
How do you settle a presidential election when the vote is too close to call?
With an ice fishing contest, of course!
After the first round of votes were counted, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump were deadlocked.
Instead of going through a recount, the two agreed to a week-long ice fishing contest to settle the election. Whoever caught the most fish at the end of the week would be the President.
The candidates decided a remote frozen lake in northern Wisconsin would be the ideal place. No observers on the fishing grounds, but both candidates would need to have their catches verified and counted each night at 5pm.
After Day 1, Trump returned with a total of 10 fish, Hillary came back with nothing.
Day 2 finished, and Trump caught another 20 fish, but Hillary once again came back with nothing!
That night, Hillary and her cronies got together and accused Trump of being a “low-life, cheatin’ son-of-a-gun.” Instead of fishing on Day 3, they were just going to follow Trump to spy on him and figure out how he was cheating.
Day 3 finished up and Trump had an incredible day, adding 50 fish to his total !!
That night, Hillary and her democratic buddies got together for the full report on how Donald was cheating. Hillary stood up to give her report and said,
“You are not going to believe this, That Low life Cheating Trump is cutting holes in the ice!”
And that, my friends, tells you all you need to know about the intelligence on the left side of the aisle!
This is the weekend the pools open! So how about we watch this crazy Russian show us how excited he gets when he put dry ice into his swimming pool.
I have to admit, this guy cracks me up. He doesn’t even have to do a thing. I want him to be my neighbor.
Dear Russian Crazy man: Where do you live? I want to move next door!
Anyway, enjoy…and go ahead and do it at YOUR house. Put the kids in first.
Kids that bug their parents for magic trick boxes, I have found, always go by a different DNA. And here’s one of those quirky kids.
Okay. I would watch out for this guy at the Casino.
He’s pretty good.
Here is ONE talent I wish I had. This little boy has it down.
This cracks me up. I think Turkeys share DNA with politicians. Listen…Tell me if they don’t all sound like this.
Black people have decided that white people have no free speech.
They call each other ‘nigger’ and white people cannot utter the word.
Okay. No problem.
But now, white people are not allowed to have “hair” like a black person. They can’t have dreadlocks. The new crime committed by whites against black has a name:
It’s called “appropriating” or “cultural appropriation.”
Last week, the internet was ablaze in response to a viral video showing a white, male, dreadlocks-wearing student at San Francisco State University being mercilessly punished for “appropriating” by a black female student.
During his iHeartRadio Music Awards performance Sunday night, Justin Bieber showed off his new dreadlocks hairdo. The singer quickly became just the latest white person to be blamed for committing “cultural appropriation” — which is a term Social Justice Warriors use when they want to shame white people for following or adopting a trend that wasn’t invented by someone white.
Social Justice Warriors? Who thought of this? The Justice department?
So what’s next? We will not be allowed to play the blues, rap, dance, or wear diamond rings?
This is…stupid. I say…white people all over…let’s fight back!
No black person should EVER be allowed to wear…say…pearls. Or dress in a nice suit. OR talk like he is educated, OR wear decent shoes. The fact is, that’s stealing the white man’s culture.
You want you’re to be separate? Okay.
Therefore…I say we make the playing field even. All these black people in these pictures are STEALING the white culture…and it must stop. They should all be fired.
Any black person trying to look like a white person is actually “appropriating” the white culture.
I don’t care for Justin Beaver, but gee…if he thinks wearing dreadlocks is going to make him look sexier to the girls, then leave him alone. He deserves to be alone for awhile.
Nobody Thinks this is a black- left-wing conspiracy to get blacks upset enough to go vote…because as I understand it, taking care of those dreadlocks leaves you very little time for anything else.
I suggest if Hillary wants to get blacks to the polls, she put pictures of Trump in ads with dreadlocks.
Now…HERE are the villains stealing the white culture. (Can this get even more sillier?)