Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Before Hurricane Irma, There Was Donna, and My Dad

Nobody Knows

I called my best friend from childhood yesterday because of the news of Hurricane Irma.

Janet lives in Naples, Florida… the town I grew up in. We were best buds all through grade school. Funny how your grade school friends never seen to leave your heart— Right? I adored Janet because she would laugh at me whenever a horse stepped on my foot. We’d go horseback riding a lot.

“Move your big foot!” she would yell, and then laugh at my pain.

Janet lives alone now in Naples, and laughed about my concern with Irma seeming to hit. The reason being, that Naples has NOT been hit with a really powerful Hurricane since Donna.  Somehow, while Miami got Charlie, Andrew, and so many others, Naples was always spared.

Janet just laughed. “Hey, we are all used to Hurricanes down here.” She said. “And my house has all the latest Hurricane building codes.”

Janet worked all her life in real estate, so she knows a lot about the building codes.

“But hey, remember Hurricane Donna?” I said. “Naples is due.” She just laughed.

Yes, we both remembered Hurricane Donna. It was 1960, and we were both kids. I remember my father had told me that at certain points during Hurricane Donna, the winds hit up to 200 mph. At least that’s was the report, back then. The records now say that wasn’t true, but then again, my father was a X Sea-Bee and he wouldn’t make that up. He must have heard it on the radio at the time. 

I also remember my dad laughing and telling stupid jokes, as we huddled in our little tiny one-story house, to ride out the storm. He told us that he had designed the house to withstand hurricanes. And we had a big front glass window in the living room, which of course, was boarded up. He wasn’t worried one little bit. He went around smiling, all through the storm. Closing windows at certain times, opening others at certain time.

All through the rain hitting the house, and the howling wind, I secretly wondered if he was crazy.

My father spent the time putting golf balls into plastic drinking cups on the living room floor during the first part of the storm. My mother on the other hand, was minute by minute, close to hysterical.

The contrast couldn’t have been more noticeable to a kid. Which parent had it right?

You see, we watched, from my bedroom window, our next-door neighbor’s house’s roof VERY slowly, being peeled away from its foundation…and it took quite a while. It wasn’t like a tornado, no, Donna’s wind peeled that roof like it was a sweet delicious apple to enjoy. It took a good half an hour for that roof to finally fall on the front lawn.

June, the lady who lived there, was a Seminole Indian, and one of my mother’s best friends, so that’s probably why mom was unhinged…and June was 9 months pregnant.

After the roof was destroyed, we watched through our bedroom window as June, and her husband Arnie (Full blooded Italian) and their two small children, were holding on to each other, bending against the hurricane, step by step, trying to get to our house. Sometimes they got knocked down by the wind. Each step took them a good minute…. but they NEVER let go of each other. Just two people walking to our house in the middle of a Hurricane that powerful is probably one of the most amazing feats of strength I’ve have ever witnessed.

Arnie was a good 200 pounds, and he held on to his young 5 years old son’s hand, Ricky, pulling him through the air, as the kid’s feet didn’t even touch the ground, with his right hand.

With his left hand, he held tight to his wife, June, who had their little girl Lindie in her left hand, and in her right hand, she had a huge trash bag full of…food. The huge bag of canned food probably helped them all from getting blown away.

It took them a good 30 minutes to walk across the pavement to our front door, in 150 MPH winds.

I remember my mother screaming at her to put down the food! Of course, June couldn’t hear her. She did NOT let go of that bag. She wasn’t going to ask for food from my mother.

They weren’t the only people seeking refuse in our house. We had many families come from all over. I remember It took about five men just to close the front door, after they arrived. People were everywhere.

As soon as June got through the front door, she collapsed. My mother kept telling me that she was afraid that she might have her baby. She was running from room to room… unhinged.

Like I said, my mother was hysterical.

But not my dad. When the eye came he turned to my brother and I and said, “Hey, want to go outside and walk around?”

“YEAH…yes!” we said with delight. (Probably trying to get us away from June and my mother.)

Of course, when we went out our back door we saw that ALL The trees surrounding our property had been completely leveled right down to the ground. It shocked me terribly. Today I recognized that same scene from Russia being hit by a comet in Siberia. They were…really…flattened. Hundreds of pine trees, palm trees, every tree…. flattened.

But then, I saw my brother scramble up a log and start balancing and climbing, and it was FUN! We played for about 45 minutes, hopping from tree to tree, and my father kept telling us that we were in the middle of the eye, as we asked him about the quiet, and he just walked around and calmly looked at the damage.

We were having so much fun, and didn’t want to go back in, but we also knew that the storm was coming back.

Dad wouldn’t lie.

The good news is, the last hour went by quickly, and after the storm had passed, all the men in the town went out to help survivors, just like they do now. Naples had been demolished. Ft. Myers, just 30 miles north, had lost 75 percent of its buildings.

And June did not have her baby that day, but delivered another daughter two weeks later. My mother recovered.

All of Naples was rebuilt, and our house remained untouched. The trees grew back. Years later, after we had moved to Missouri, I went back to the house that I grew up in Naples, and couldn’t believe how really small it was. The house that my father designed to withstand a hurricane and that had protected a neighborhood, had a small kitchen, a living room, a carport, (which did not blow off) three small bedrooms, and one tiny bathroom, which scorpions loved to hang out in.

(Good thing my feet didn’t touch the ground sitting on the John.)

Now I’m more frightened of tornadoes than hurricanes. In fact, all through my 20’s I had nightmares about them. The lesson from Donna: Hurricanes you can plan, and survive—tornadoes, can take you by surprise.

Many times in my life, I often wondered how my dad had the fortitude to be so calm, and brave, and confident in Donna, while everyone else was in panic.

It wasn’t because of ignorance…no. He knew we would all be safe, and that’s because he prepared, and because, he had served as a Sea-Bee at Iwo Jima, and other battles in the War.

A Hurricane compared to picking up dead buddies on the beach? To World War II battles? To my dad, Donna was just a bad day in paradise.

I never saw my father sacred in his life, except one time: When his grandson came home from the hospital.

A man can be brave in war, in hurricanes, but powerless when someone he loves is ill. Look at his face here…that’s my dad, scared for the future of his grandson. 

But that’s okay, that sick baby grew up big and strong, and idolizing his grandfather.

And one more thing: I realized that my father that day gave me a great lesson in how to deal with life: stay strong, stay upbeat, and fight the storm with courage. Help your neighbors.

It’s the American way.

And I’ve always did that, in my own worst scary disasters of life.

And THAT’s why fathers are so important. They teach us more HOW to face life.

With unspoken daily courage, and a good sense of humor.

So—- good people in Texas and Florida…just stay alive. Be prepared. Be smart. And hunker down till the storm passes.

In fact, I suggest, putting a few golf balls.

September 8, 2017 Posted by | weather | , | Leave a comment

Nobody Prays

Nobody Prays

President Trump declared this a National Day of Prayer.

So, this nobody prays for all the lonely hearts and the suffering going on today in Texas. (And the rest of the country for that matter.)  Let’s hope that the strength of God and the people of Texas pull through this.

If you don’t believe in God, then I feel sorry for you.

It’s much like…never having a child.

Unless you experience his (Or it’s spiritual) presence, you really never know what you’re missing.

So, I’m saying a prayer…that God helps us SAVE America.

And can I also pray that John McCain, Paul Ryan, and Mitch McConnell…get voted out?

Come on. Okay, how about term limits?

I’m taking Monday off, because my husband and I will be nailing 2x4s’s to concrete walls. We will have the usual. “WAIT..did you measure that before you installed it, and what do you mean I don’t listen to you?” husband and wife conversations that always make the day…less boring.

Everybody have a great Labor Day Weekend! I’ll be laboring, as most Americans will, and will see you back here on Tuesday.

 

September 2, 2017 Posted by | Life | | Leave a comment

Happy Fourth of July!

Nobody Flashes

You know where I’ll be tonight…underneath the fireworks…underneath the moon and stars.

This IS my favorite holiday!

Everybody have a great day…no…have a fantastic one!

God bless America…and stand beside her….and guide her….(you know the rest.)

(Yeah, you HAVE to have music with the fireworks. It’s a must.)

If she managed to survive Obama, and the Clintons, she can survive anything.

That’s my nobody opinion and I’m sticking to it.

 

July 3, 2017 Posted by | Our Founders | , , | Leave a comment

Dad’s: What Would We Do Without Them?

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

June 17, 2017 Posted by | Life | | Leave a comment

Nobody Wonders About Floors and Ceilings

Nobody Wonders

Here’s a few giblets of thoughts that were on my mind today:

Nobody Wonders: Why do I seem to be the only person who still marvels as a child when a plane full of overweight people and heavy suitcases, gets up in the air within a few seconds and within minutes is gliding smoothly at $35,000 feet? To think of all the HOURS of work put in by men, from the original Wright Brothers to the men who built the modern 747—-it just overwhelms me every single time I fly. I simply can’t help but feel in awe of what man has accomplished. My emotions never change whenever I fly. And I always wonder why…I seem to be the only person on the plane who feels that awe.

Everybody else takes it for granted. What the hell is wrong with me?

A frequent flyer sitting next to me on the flight back to St. Louis said that he had once flown in a plane that was struck by lightning. He also witnessed a stewardess being slammed into the ceiling on a bumpy flight. He mentioned these facts while we were flying through a lightning storm and it got pretty bumpy.
While a plane is statically safer than any car, not many people survive a plane crash. In a car, you have some control…in a plane, you are powerless.

Which makes me also wonder…it’s all how you look at things, isn’t it?

Nobody Wonders: Yes, here’s another thing I wonder about. I couldn’t wait to get back to St. Louis, and the trees. The plants in Arizona, while very pretty, were so DIFFERENT than the plants in Missouri, that you have to marvel at the difference between a cactus, and an oak tree. Both are plants, right? Arizona looks like Mars to me. Beautiful…but strange.

Both species of plants are simple mother nature. They developed to fit their environment. So, why can’t we admit how different races of people are? Are people not like plants?  Or does our brain go beyond mother nature? Is the theory of Thomas Sowell, who points out that the Africans did not develop as a race due to the geography of Africa, logical?

And why do they keep ignoring the true differences in men and women?

Okay. We all know it’s politics. Still, if I suggested that blacks are superior in basketball because they are tall and have a natural talent for it, and Jews are more cerebral, I would be called a racist. But since no one is equal, why do they keep insisting on equality? A dream which, scientifically speaking, cannot EVER be reached?

(Okay, we know the answer to that.)

Which brings me to Trump haters.

I was sitting next to a man of very high intellect on my way back to St. Louis. We had the most interesting conversation, but I found that our opinions of President Trump were very different. He saw Trump as a true narcissist. A typical CEO. So, this nobody wonders if he didn’t come to this conclusion, because the man DEALS all the time with big CEO’s, who he admitted, were all narcissists.

I saw Prescient Trump very differently. I saw him as a man who saw what was wrong with America and didn’t sound like a rehearsed politician.

Politicians talk a great game, but mostly do nothing. No matter what you say about the man, Trump prefers to ACT rather than talk.

Nobody Wonders if MY bias toward President Trump is because I do nothing but absorb politics all day, and have never had to deal with a CEO. I don’t have a high paying job, and I have had to watch the destruction day after day of my city, my town, my very neighborhood.

Therefore, as the song goes: “One man ceiling is another man’s floor.” or is it more:

“You’re right from your side, and I’m right from mine.

We’re both just one too many mornings and a thousand miles behind.”

Nobody Wonders one more thing:

Why nobody in Arizona can give good directions? I think, it must be the heat.

 

June 17, 2017 Posted by | American Culture | , | Leave a comment

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Nobody Flashes

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL GOD’S WONDERFUL MOTHERS!

May 13, 2017 Posted by | Life | | Leave a comment

Jimmy Kimmel: A Mother’s Persepective

Nobody Remembers….

Jimmy Kimmel had the sympathy of the world this week, when he told the story of how his son was born with a defected heart, and then tears of relief came as he relived the scare and the pain of having to wait the three hours of surgery while doctors operated on his newborn son’s heart.

His son, is at home now and doing well.

And then, he made an emotional plea that all parents shouldn’t have to worry about the doctors’ fees and every child should have the chance to life. Did Jimmy Kimmel use his ordeal to promote Obamacare? Or universal health care? Or stop Congress from repealing it?

Yes.

So sorry, Mr. Kimmel, that you had to go through what millions of other parents all over the world go through almost every day, but here in America…no baby that is born and is alive is left to die.

Unless of course, your heart is beating and you are SUPPOSED to be aborted. Then the doctor can stab a knife in your brain and harvest your organs for sale for that lady at Planned Parenthood who wants a great sports car.

But that’s another blog.

Michelle Malkin wrote the best essay on this, but, I wanted to add a bit of my own.

The night my son was born, (Jan. 1980) it was pretty scary. The doctor had to take him by cesarean because I had a condition called Placenta Previa…which means, if you go into labor both mother and child could die.

Even though he had told my husband at the time, that he was NOT to get into any fights with me, the moron (my first husband) started a big fight with my father, and I went right into labor.

Years later I realized he did it on purpose, but that’s another story.

I went right into labor at six months…and was rushed to the hospital. 

I was also awake during the operation, and concerned, because my doctor had not slept in 34 hours. They brought my son over to me, and I said “Hi Sweetheart,” And then I said his name over and over… he just looked so beautiful, and then they took him away.

I remember yelling, “You did it Anastasio!” That was my doctor’s first name. But then, I must have passed out.

After they sewed me up, they put me in a room with another woman, whose baby was born with a collapsed lung. And then they told me, my son was having trouble breathing. I stayed awake the whole night, and nobody gave me any news, just that, because TWO babies had been born that needed help, they thought the baby with the collapsed lung was more concerning.

So, I laid there…awake the whole night. FINALLY, in the early morning, a German doctor who I had never met, came to tell me that my son had hyaline membrane disease, and he used his pull, to get him into Children’s Hospital, in St. Louis.

Later I realized, he saved my son’s life. The hospital was full, but he pulled it off.

The room was still dark, when TEN people brought him over to my bed. He was in an incubator. His arms and legs tied down, and he was on a respirator. When I saw his little body, I noticed that with every single breath, his stomach caved down deep, almost to his spine. He struggled to breathe with every breath.

They didn’t let me touch him. I couldn’t. “You might upset him,” they said.

Tell a mother she can’t touch her baby? It was like being told I only could live one more day. I’ve never wanted to do anything more.

He was in a big glass box, and then I told him to, “Be a good boy, I’ll see you soon…” EVERYBODY in the room, started crying.

Clearly, every one of them thought he would die.

But, I did NOT want to even think about that.

I was told an ambulance was waiting to take him where he could get better care.

When he left, I wanted to rush to see him. I was MAD because I couldn’t stand up. When you have a cesarean, they cut through seven layers of muscle, and you might think you don’t need that muscle to stand up, but you do.

The lady besides me was pumping out breast milk for her baby. But…I had nothing. My body and my soul just went into shock. The fact that I couldn’t produce milk for my son, left me feeling…well you can imagine.

NEVERTHELESS, every single priest that came into that room, I threw out. I told them “My son’s going to live.,’

And I prayed to God… “Please, PLEASE, don’t take my only son.”

They let me out within three days. It was a good 40 minutes’ drive to Children’s Hospital, but I went right down there the moment I walked out of that hospital.

The walk to the neonatal unit, when every step was painful, was hard, but I was so excited that I was going to see my son. I held on to my stomach the whole way. (My moron husband made me walk from the parking lot, which was quite a ways. It took a good 30 minutes.)

And there was my angel….all tied up, with that big hose down his throat… and I STILL couldn’t touch him. His arms and legs were tied down.  It was horrible to witness.  But, he wasn’t struggling to breathe, anymore, and he had color in his cheeks.

That’s good, I told myself. That’s good.

Every day I went, and I grew to trust and love the nurse who took care of him. SHE had confidence that he would live. And finally, one day, a young doctor said, “He keeps tearing lose his arms and legs, and trying to tear his respirator out. I think, he’s trying to tell us something, I’m going to risk taking it out.”

I was…so proud of him…clearly, he WANTED to live.

That’s my son. Strong. Smart. Determined, from the moment he was born. He still is to this day.

And I thanked God, for those nurses and doctors who saved my son’s life. As Jimmy Kimmel does here.

But here’s where Jimmy Kimmel gets it wrong.

My son was six and 1/2 pounds at birth at six months. While he was certainly in bad condition and lost a pound while he was there, there were at least five or six babes who weighted around 2 or 3 pounds. Some white. Some black. And nobody came to visit them.

Nobody.

It broke my heart. It broke the nurse hearts. Every day I would hope to see…someone care, to be there. But…nobody wanted them.

I visited my son every day in that hospital for a month. And everyday, I witnessed the care that those other babies got.

They were given the BEST care that anybody could ever receive. And none of them had insurance. Those doctors and nurses gave every single baby in that hospital the best of the best.

I stopped watching Jimmy Kimmel years ago. I thought when he got parents to steal the Halloween candy from the kids and then take video’s and send them in so the whole world could watch them cry, was beyond cruel.

It was NOT funny. It was just plain mean. And I NEVER forgave him for it.

Liberals like to talk about bullies and here was Jimmy Kimmel, bullying kids for ratings. I imagine he still does that stunt, so that’s why I don’t watch him.

So, let’s hope, that Jimmy Kimmel learned how PRECIOUS life is, since he found out, how quickly it can go.

Because, for every child he makes fun of and makes cry on his program for ratings…there is another child, who couldn’t be saved, and some parent somewhere who is watching that horrible joke and wondering.

What the hell is wrong with Jimmy Kimmel?

Children are precious.

Or did Jimmy Kimmel just get that message?

We’ll see.

 

 

 

 

 

May 4, 2017 Posted by | Obamacare, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

Nobody Remembers the Gravestones of Lovers Never Made

Nobody Remembers

My parents, young and in love.

I had a ‘creative’ dream last night. In my dream, I created this beautiful engraved headstone for my parents, both of whom passed away many years ago: It was just ONE gravestone, but it was big enough to cover two graves. On the side, was a stone engravement of my father’s profile. And he was holding in his arms, his wife, my mother. And she was happy, and in love, and young, and cuddled softly in his arms. She was wearing her favorite checkered dress, and her high school saddle shoes. It was them, at the beginning of their love, when their love was fresh and new. Their names were engraved on the right of the stone: the stone replicas of them both…engraved on the left.

This huge headstone was so beautiful in my dream, I woke up and wondered why MORE gravestones of married couples aren’t seen in graveyards. All the graves are separate. Why not make just one gravestone for the couples who mate for life, to be remembered as mates for all eternity? I bet there are many couples that would love that.

I’m sure I had this dream because neither one of my parents got a traditional funeral. My father died first, and my mother donated his body to science. He died of a humongous brain tumor…we thought, naively at the time, that he would go to Washington University and would help the students study brain tumors.

After he died, I put together this big shelving, meant to hold various things…but it was, to me, his headstone. It’s in the kitchen now, holding up bowls and a popcorn machine, and NOW on the very spot where he died, there a statue of King Tut.

That’s my dad’s gravestone. King Tut. I think he would find that amusing.

My mom, also died in our house. She made me promise every day that I would NOT put her name in the papers, nor tell anyone about her death. She too, gave her body to science, hoping it would help someone. Like my father, she too suffered horribly in the last years of her life, paralyzed on one side as was my father. Both with massive damage from hemorrhagic strokes.

The day she died, I was sleeping next to her bed, passed out on the floor, exhausted from the night before. I had been up for over 40 hours trying to suction mucus out of her throat because she had pneumonia.

The nurses would not come.

I remember thinking when they came to take her body away, that there would be no place for me to mourn, and no one to remember her to me. No one knew she died. No one was there to console me, tell me stories about her that only they knew. My husband did the best he could, but now I know that funerals really are a special necessary. To help the people who love them bear the sorrow.

Nevertheless, funerals are too expensive for many now, and I have to wonder…are people cremating and donating because they can’t afford a funeral?

Right above the bed, where my mother died, I put a giant poster of the Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany. Whenever I asked her if there was one place she would want to go, she said it would be to Germany to see that Castle. So, I got a big beautiful gold frame, and engraved what I thought would go on her grave, and hung it right above the place that she died, in her King side bed which seemed to engulf her tiny body.

She never had the money to go to Germany, and I didn’t have the money to send her.

Eight months after my mother died, I had a dream, that her body was going into a cremation oven. It was on New Year Eve, 2002, that I had that dream. Her spirit hugged me before she went into that fire, and the love that I felt from her in that dream was bigger than ANY love I’ve ever felt on this earth. It was surreal. I often wonder if my mother’s body had been cremated that night for real, and why emotions in dreams can be so much stronger than in real life.

It was much later that I found out that bodies donated to science can go ANYWHERE. To dental students, to just about anywhere. The thought of my dad getting his teeth pulled out by a bunch of college students, when the real thing they should have been studying was his brain, left me horrified.

And by the way, in case you think that my parents were not religious, nothing could be farther from the truth. God, in our family, was in your heart, and in the sky, and a mystery to all mankind.

Which is why, the day after the dream, my husband and I both bought a Mega Million ticket, in which, we BOTH had the final number as 7, I  took it as a sign from my parents who were thanking me for their lovely headstone that I designed in my head. Saying “See…you’re mates too!”

My mother’s King size bed was donated to the Veterans and in its place is my drum set, sitting under her ‘gravestone’ Castle in the sky.  I play Gene Kruppa once in a while, because she always said when I played Gene Krupa’s “Sing, Sing, Sing” it put her to sleep.

You can’t do that in a graveyard. Just putting up the drum set alone would take a good 40 minutes.

So, don’t ask me why I’m telling you all this. It’s just that sometimes, when you have a creative dream…but wait! I just googled ‘coupled gravestones.”

I’m not the only one who had this dream…..darn. I was all ready to go be a stonemason.

You learn something new, every day….I better start saving up now….

Okay, bring the whole bed!

Makes you wonder who posed for this….

MY personal favorite and the one I would pick.

 

 

 

 

 

March 25, 2017 Posted by | Just life, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

American Men Save Mom and Her Puppies

Nobody Flashes…

Probably the last inspiring news before the election…and this one IS an inspiration

You have to watch the video if you haven’t seen it.

THESE are the type of men Tom Hanks was making fun of on SNL….

I LOVE these guys. American men. They don’t get any better.

Enjoy!

October 29, 2016 Posted by | American Culture | , | Leave a comment

Walk In THEIR Shoes….

Nobody Flashes

I’m old enough to remember the days when Nike first starting charging $120 for kids’ tennis shoes. I was a single parent at the time, and the marketing was so good, that if your kid didn’t have a pair of Nike’s, he (or she) was doomed to forever be a nobody, and so, I always somehow managed to find the money.

In fact, marketing executives are so good now, our politicians probably have Nike working for them.

I myself wear very cheap tennis shoes from Wal-Mart. BUT….I might buy myself a pair of these.

Unless of course they charge over $500. What do you think? Would you buy a pair?

Or is it just all the usual hype?

 

 

October 9, 2016 Posted by | Life | | 3 Comments

Nobody Flashes on a Sunday

Nobody Flashes

Here is ONE reason we can all celebrate the internet….you can find out that you are actually an empty walking slug of bacteria.  And if I’m a walking bag of empty bacteria, what is Michael Moore?

I’m wondering when was the last time my cells died.

Enjoy! After all, Hillary is going to be on TV, and all of us only have so many summers left.

July 23, 2016 Posted by | Life, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Email: Her First Date

Nobody Gets Email

Do you remember any of your first dates? I have tried HARD trying to remember my first date with my husband, and I can’t. Not because of my memory, but because he never did ask me out. We just sort of hung out together. In fact, I don’t even remember him asking me to marry him. I just remember we would both call each other on the phone before we went to bed, and I kept falling asleep, and so somehow we decided we’d better just get married because neither one of us were sleeping. We just couldn’t hang up. It was getting ridiculous.

Yes..he was smooth. No first date, no proposal…what the hell was I thinking? (What…sex?) Anyway, we’ve been married now for…over twenty years. Might be twenty-three. Might be twenty-four. I don’t pay attention to these things. I figure once you get over five years, its smooth sailing….he remembers for both of us.

BUT…this email caught my eye. This couple had a very memorable first date…and I think it’s for real because it just too typical not to be true.

Enjoy!

(Thanks to J.R. )


Her First Datefirst date

 

If you didn’t see this on the Tonight show, I hope you’re sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!!  We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.

There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter…Snowing and quite cold… and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah .

It was a  day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. ! ! They were about an hour away from  anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point here she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.dog laugh

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about’ what is taking so long’ with a reply that indeed, she was ‘freezing her butt off’ and in need of some assistance!  He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. 

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

   As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be ‘pants  down’. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno’s comment…   ‘This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed  off.’

Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

 

 

 

May 13, 2016 Posted by | Life, Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Start your day with a giggle mom. And memories of the days when your grown kids were…babies and laughed at everything. My son’s first word was……”ball”.

It was a disappointment I can’t tell you. He’s next word was…”Dad.”

Clearly…he was smart. The rest of his life I was trying to get him to notice me. On mother’s day, I call HIM.

“Hi, it’s me…your mother. Remember?”

Anyway…ladies, let the men cook today. Go on Dad, give mom a break.

And please, enjoy this video…the laughter is infectious!

 

 

May 7, 2016 Posted by | Life | | Leave a comment

Smell the Lilacs…

Lavendare filed franceNobody Flashes

After last night’s White House Press Party, and all the “white” folks attacks and nastiness disguised as witty, I thought a nice picture of a lilac field might help.

What did we see last night? The fight for power…is well and alive on the planet.

I plan to buy a lilac bush this spring so that every time I get ‘upset’ I can go out in my yard and take a long smell.

By the way…is this a real picture or a photoshop?

 

 

May 1, 2016 Posted by | Just life | | 2 Comments

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