Here is ONE reason we can all celebrate the internet….you can find out that you are actually an empty walking slug of bacteria. And if I’m a walking bag of empty bacteria, what is Michael Moore?
I’m wondering when was the last time my cells died.
Enjoy! After all, Hillary is going to be on TV, and all of us only have so many summers left.
Nobody Gets Email
Do you remember any of your first dates? I have tried HARD trying to remember my first date with my husband, and I can’t. Not because of my memory, but because he never did ask me out. We just sort of hung out together. In fact, I don’t even remember him asking me to marry him. I just remember we would both call each other on the phone before we went to bed, and I kept falling asleep, and so somehow we decided we’d better just get married because neither one of us were sleeping. We just couldn’t hang up. It was getting ridiculous.
Yes..he was smooth. No first date, no proposal…what the hell was I thinking? (What…sex?) Anyway, we’ve been married now for…over twenty years. Might be twenty-three. Might be twenty-four. I don’t pay attention to these things. I figure once you get over five years, its smooth sailing….he remembers for both of us.
BUT…this email caught my eye. This couple had a very memorable first date…and I think it’s for real because it just too typical not to be true.
(Thanks to J.R. )
Her First Date
If you didn’t see this on the Tonight show, I hope you’re sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.
There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter…Snowing and quite cold… and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah .
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. ! ! They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point here she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about’ what is taking so long’ with a reply that indeed, she was ‘freezing her butt off’ and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.
Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be ‘pants down’. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno’s comment… ‘This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.’
Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Start your day with a giggle mom. And memories of the days when your grown kids were…babies and laughed at everything. My son’s first word was……”ball”.
It was a disappointment I can’t tell you. He’s next word was…”Dad.”
Clearly…he was smart. The rest of his life I was trying to get him to notice me. On mother’s day, I call HIM.
“Hi, it’s me…your mother. Remember?”
Anyway…ladies, let the men cook today. Go on Dad, give mom a break.
And please, enjoy this video…the laughter is infectious!
After last night’s White House Press Party, and all the “white” folks attacks and nastiness disguised as witty, I thought a nice picture of a lilac field might help.
What did we see last night? The fight for power…is well and alive on the planet.
I plan to buy a lilac bush this spring so that every time I get ‘upset’ I can go out in my yard and take a long smell.
By the way…is this a real picture or a photoshop?
I was looking at these pictures today, and some of them took my breath away.
All I can say is: God is good. Animals are good. Man…well…we haven’t quite figured that one out yet.
All of these pictures are real. The last one gave me the chills, because the day of our wedding my husband and I were walking out the back door of the house to go down to the little church that we had rented out, and as SOON as we walked out the door, there was a GIGANTIC moth. As big as the one you see in that last picture. It wasn’t that pretty, but it was as big. That one is from Australia.
Anyway, we both took it as a good sign…as it was hanging in the garage…as if to greet us and wish us luck. I should have taken a picture of it, but it was before cell phones, and we were running late.
Haven’t see one that big since, or ever in fact.
So…enjoy….. the wonders of nature…
There isn’t anything happier than a happy dog when “Daddy” comes home from overseas.
I love watching these films, and how wonderful it must be to come home to such joy.
As promised…a very uplifting video that is just adorable. Dogs and duck buddies…
What could be cuter? (Be sure to watch it until the end.)
(Thanks to Kim Komando)
When I was about seven, I had what you might call my first really “spiritual” experience.
It was due to my grandmother…who woke me early on Easter morning around 4 in the morning to get me dressed.
“We are going to see a sunrise sermon.” she said. I remember it was really hard waking up.
By the time we got to the car, it was still dark. Grandma drove. We went to a local garden, at the times it was called Caribbean Gardens…one of the many tourist spots in Naples, Florida which at that time, only had a population of around 10,000 people.
I had never been up that early before, and it was the first time in my life I had ever seen a sunrise. OMG. What I had been missing.
I remember trying to keep up with my grandmother, as we walked into what obviously was to my young eyes…heaven on earth. Peacocks roamed at will, beautiful tropical plants surrounded the hundreds of people who were going to a hill, to hear…the sermon on the mound….by the local preacher.
Now, you might think that a young kid would think such a thing boring. I know…today, most kids would. But as I looked around at the gardenia, the roses, the parrots, the dew that shown on the light green grass as the sun rose and hit the dew and sparkled the whole grassy knoll like millions of diamonds.. …even today, approaching as I am the autumn of my life, I can still see in my mind’s eye the absolute and unbelievable beauty that only a god could make happen. I was seeing for the first time…through God’s eyes.
And I really listened to that sermon. I had to ask my grandmother many questions, but she taught it to me as best she could…Later on when I got home, she read it to me.
I’ve said the Lords’ prayer, as I’m sure millions have in times of great fear throughout my life, and Jesus’s words that day, filled me with the undebatable certainty in my mind that there was a God.
Who else could create such a heaven as this? You can’t tell me a peacock’s feathers are just random.
My grandmother later on gave me the book, “Positive Thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale….and my grandfather brought me a subscription to National Geographic.
They influenced me now looking back, just as much as my parents did.
I feel, as many of us do, closer this Easter to the spirit of Jesus, and God….but…the humble kind of spirit…
Not the Glenn Beck, Ted Cruz damning spirit, because I really don’t believe Jesus was saying that on the mound.
No…he was saying “Blessed are the poor in spirit” Not the arrogant. Not the bully pulpit who yells and screams his righteousness and condemns everyone who does not accept his rules.
Jesus, according to all that we read…was a gentle spirt. His only angry moment was at the money lenders in the Temple.
In fact, it reminds me of the movie Pollyanna. Remember the preacher who would damn his congregation every Sunday, and Pollyanna showed him that God’s word was kind, and he should be “joyful?”
Disney was a genius.
Anyway, I’m rambling. Sorry, the video just took me back.
I hope everyone has a great day with their family…and I also hope God’s spirit fills your life.
If you are an atheist, well…I guess you just didn’t have a grandma who loved Jesus. It’s okay. Shit happens. And you know what? It doesn’t really matter does it?
It’s all a mystery.
Have a Happy Easter!
Here’s a race between a Bugatti Veyron and a Euro Fighter
All I kept thinking while I was watching this was “Gee, all Mona and I do is talk about what she cooked for lunch.”
I love men and ALL their toys.
As promised, it’s SUNDAY!…and here’s something to give us all a reason to remember the joy in life, outside of politics.
This is such a sweet story…and I hope they both pass away at the same time…I don’t think either one of them would ever get over NOT seeing each other.
There is no other way to say this: My life at the moment is FUBAR. Events surrounding my personal life have hit me like I was in a car and sideswiped by a MAC truck. That didn’t actually happen, but we all know that out of the blue, life can throw a numerous amount of disasters that need attention, and sometimes, healing. That’s happened and I must admit, I’m still getting off my knees and trying to get back on my feet, and so, I’ve had to limit my blogging to take care of my life.
The FUNNY part about this is…I’ve been blogging since the year 2000, and have about 75 daily readers….and when is my most popular day?
SATURDAY! When I post everybody else’s emails! Ha ha ha ha….This means that my weekly daily rants are really only read by a handful of people. Maybe..six or seven. Which, don’t get me wrong, those six or seven people are who I write for. And I love every reader of course and the comments and wisdom of you all.
I have tried to write things that you don’t hear on the news everyday. Most pundits just report what they read, and repeat the most popular view, and I have tried hard to find original thought and comparisons AND the obvious that most others have never bothered to even mention. Some weeks, I think I have succeeded in that. Other weeks, maybe not. You just keep trying, right?
You dear readers are great. YOU have put up with my horrible spelling, that even after four spell checks, are never caught, and I don’t catch them until the next day. I have a bit of dyslexia, which I suggest Microsoft get right on. If the ZIKA virus gets worse, they will need it for more of us out here suffering from the combination of brain damage and the public school system.
l also want to apologize for the habit of too wide of “spaces” between words…I know ONE friend of mine that says it drives him crazy. Luckily, he hasn’t disowned me yet. Why do I not see them before I post?
Because it’s usually one in the morning, I’m tired, and even with eyeglasses on, I don’t see the small print. LOL! okay, not funny. May I repeat: NOBODY’S PERFECT. Ha ha.
So, if nothing else, I will do a small bit on Saturday for a while…with an email for all the folks that come to see the emails
…and maybe a sort of Nobody Flashes Random thoughts from the week for a while.
I love you all.
Say a prayer for me…and for the country….and for the Pope, who CLEARLY is a committed communist and should be struck by lighting, to save the Catholic faith from destruction.
Thank you for your patience.
And in the words of John Adams:
Independence Forever…no more. No less.
P.S…I will try to keep posting on Twitter…as it’s against my very DNA to remain completely silent.
It’s Sunday. Yesterday we lost an icon, Justice Scalia, probably the most conservative voice on the Supreme Court, a great blow to the country. More about that tomorrow.
Today, I wanted to show where I was last week…a Missouri Nobody went to the sand of Arizona…for the first time. Having only seen Cactus’s in John Wayne movies, you can imagine how silly I was, when I saw my first desert and walked around all the desert rocks and plants in amazement saying things like…”Wow…look at THAT!” and “Where are the lizards?” “Where are the scorpions?” “Where are the wild horses?” I was MORE than annoying.
Nobody likes to note that Phoenix was VERY clean, the people were a lot nicer than the people here in the Midwest, and that’s mostly because there are very few natives, and the natives were complaining that it was too…HOT. (86 degrees) Yes, complaining to a couple who had just left Missouri where the temperature was 9 degrees.
Having said that…during rush hour they were…insane.
Anyway, Phoenix is a very pretty state, and CLEAN. They must have little desert gremlins with trash bags that come out at night and sweep.
Here’s some of my Arizona vacation:
Nobody Gets Email
Here’s a fun email…
How would you like to get 32,000 USD for taking care of pandas all day? It sounds too good to be true, but panda caretaker is a real job in China, at the Giant Panda Protection and Research Center.
“Your work has only one mission,” reports China Daily. “Spending 365 days with the pandas and sharing in their joys and sorrows. You need perseverance for this job.
It looks easy and fun right? I don’t know if I could do this 365 days a year…but it’s fun to watch…not too much cuter babies exist than baby pandas. Which makes you think: I bet there are a lot of human babies in China that don’t get this much love.
(Thanks to Mona)
Nobody Flashes Sunday Thoughts
Seeing all the beautiful snow, that is not falling on MY house, I nevertheless did have a somewhat depressing day: I was wondering why the human race seemed so insane, and as the day went by, one word kept sticking into my head;
Yes, It’s all how you interpret the poem isn’t it God? Your poem of wonderment. For instance:
I saw a billionaire CEO at Davos today, telling his interviewer that it wasn’t a good thing that all the wealth of the world was owned by the top 1 percent, but on the OTHER hand…he reminded the reporter that now, just about everybody in the world has a cell phone and everyone in the world is NOW connected! And that’s good! That was his interpretation of the world is right. Somebody else freezing in the cold tonight, with a dead cell phone that doesn’t work, wishes he was connected to his electric blanket. Someone wishes he could PAY his cell phone bill. Someone wishes it was a piece of toast.
While millions of people in the East Coast tonight are going without power, most of them are worried about the two or three paychecks they won’t be getting due to the snowstorm. On the other hand, Congress AND Hillary Clinton are blessing this God event, for Hillary is asking a delay to getting her emails handed over, and BOTH parties of Congress are trying desperately to give Obama the lone sole power to call troops to any place on the planet, including his own country…complete dictatorial power
Glenn Beck claims that Donald Trump will be the next Hitler, but remains silent on the fact that Congress is actually given OBAMA Hitler powers. Donald Trump has never killed anyone, nevertheless, Glenn Beck has killed many of his listeners because he did NOTHING but make huge fortunes peddling America as if it was his right to make money off the poor people who had nothing. Yes, Glenn Beck has become a very rich man peddling the Constitution as if it was his own personal document to sell and he owns the copyright. Only he and Ted Cruz can interpret it. They own the rights.
A man sees a car wreck in the storm, goes to help, and because he says “We should call the police” he get shot dead by the very man he is trying to help. Black Lives Matter would interpret this as a good thing. White lives don’t matter, in the beautiful white snow.
How a man interprets “god” is the most important of all: Half of mankind interprets God to be kind, compassionate, giving, and the other half of mankind interprets God to mean, ruthless and intolerant of anyone who doesn’t have their interpretation of god.
That can also go for those who are “interpreting” the Constitution.
The only thing I do find out God, is that there is no interpretation to the love a dog has for the one who loves it. It is. Like a perfect snowstorm…there is only one interpretation: Love in the eyes of a dog is eternal, and there will always be winter storms.
I’m thinking God, that maybe you should just leave the dogs the planet. Nobody is more tired of trying to interpret the greed of man than I am.