Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

The Sweetest Sounds

Nobody Flashes

I love birds. My first pet was a duck and I was absolutely heartbroken when it got eaten by some wild creature who broke into it’s outside pen one night.

Yes, Flapper became, probably some mountain lion’s dinner.

From there I went into parakeets. I’ve had one or two of them most days of my life. So, this story is sort of funny…

Friday, I was sitting at my computer when I heard a very loud squawking. You see, I have four parakeets and here’s the problem:

You buy these birds when they are babies and you can’t tell what you’re getting until they reach puberty. I ended up with three green males and one yellow female. Everything was going fine, until, I suppose they all reached puberty, and then, the fighting started.

No, the boys were not fighting over the female. SHE was attacking THEM. She was relentless. And Friday, she really did it. She bloodied my oldest male almost to the point of losing his eye. A real Hillary Clinton.

Needless to say, after visiting my vet, who knew about as much about birds and my TV cable repair man, I went out and bought her a brand new cage…and supplies…we are talking about $200.

I spent the whole day designing that cage so that she could sit NEXT to the boys and not harm them. I talked to some expert who said I might just have a “mean” bird, but I don’t think so…she just wants love. And she gets pissed when she doesn’t get it.

I know a LOT of women like that and they can be ruthless.

By the way, her name is Corona because we bought her during the last eclipse, which might explain why she’s so ‘strong.’

But, here’s the punch line. After I got the two cages side by side, I stayed and watched the birds for a few hours. They are in the kitchen so I had lots to do, and I wanted to see which one of the boys would miss her the most.

And guess who did?

The guy she beat up. They were BOTH trying to get next to each other.

This is so much like human life….I just have to laugh. Really. What can you do? Seriously.

Of course, you know this means I have to somehow pick out a bird to put in HER cage so she’ll forget about him. I want to get a girl, but I think I’ll have to try to get a boy, because if she beats HIM up, I can always put him in the cage with the other boys.

If I get a female, I’m back in the same hole.

I barely have room for the kitchen table now. Another cage? I’d have to knock out a wall.

I just wanted you to know why I didn’t do my Nobody Reports on Friday, so now I can report….

Nobody Reports that I had a major distress going on. Cabby looks like a parakeet Freddie. and I had two doughnuts in one day from the stress, and half a bottle of Tawny Port.

I think I got the better deal.

Why do I like birds so much? They sing like angels. Nothing in nature is as sweet as the sound of birds.

As you listen to this bird sing to the baby, how can you deny that birds truly are wonderful visions of God?

Damn the fields of Windmills.

Let the hurricanes have them all. Leave us our sweet little souls of songs.

Please.

September 23, 2018 Posted by | Life | | Leave a comment

Koko.

 Nobody Flashes

She was 18.

She was my tear kisser.

She was my best friend, for all those years.

Silent. Happy. Eating with me. Sleeping with me. Teaching her “pup” to obey and be a good dog. Following me from room to room. Begging for her favorite snacks in her last days: Cracker Jacks and White Fudge Cookies. Dancing…running…filling my life with joy.

She died on National Dog Day. Fittingly I thought.

I wrote, a VERY long blog last week,  but I’m not sure I will post it. It takes a while to get over the loss of any pet or person you hold dear, so I’m just posting a picture…someday I will post that blog.

But not today.

Today, I am still missing her, so it’s important that I enjoy the life that IS all around me. To remind myself that the pain will pass. Slowly. While other memories build. Others still alive and seeming more important than the day before.

Koko. So much-loved. And trust me, worthy more of praise than most all of our politicians.

 

September 2, 2018 Posted by | Life | | 3 Comments

The Key to a Happy Baby is a Silly Dad

Nobody Flashes

Nobody does it better than Dad.

 

August 3, 2018 Posted by | Life | | Leave a comment

It’s all Happening at the Zoo…

Nobody Flashes

We went to the St. Louis Zoo today. If you’ve never been there, I think it was voted Number one Zoo in the nation. It’s free…..if you can walk a couple of miles because parking is $15. And if you have kids, figure on spending at least $60 to see the Kids’ zoo, and pet the sting rays.

And toys.

The biggest draw is the one Polar Bear. He is a real ham…and HUGE.

Here he is swimming underwater and high-fiving some young fans.I don’t take many pictures with my cell phone, but this one was interesting. Looks like he’s doing the Obama bow.

This was some kind of big goat…on the extinction list. In fact, most ALL of the animals at the zoo were on the extinction list. And more than half from a small eastern African country. Frankly, I wish Bill Gates would stop genetically engineering mosquitoes and buy that frigging country and put the people to work bringing BACK the extinct animals they are killing off.

We could use this guy in the WH press room. Okay. I wasn’t about to try to get him to turn around. Believe it or not….these are babies. This python had me almost calling 911. He looked suicidal. He did NOT move at all. Really depressing. I never thought in my lifetime I’d feel sorry for a big snake, but today was the day. If I could have freed this guy, I would have. This guy was huge. Pythons are NOT extinct. Thank the drug lords. In fact, I read yesterday that there are more tigers now living in back yards than there are tigers in the wild. Thank the drug lords and the rappers. Another high-five. It was too dark to get a picture of this guy, but he was huge and having the time of his bear life high fiving everybody!

You can tell by his paw that he was a good 1500 pounds, if not more…and he’s still growing! I didn’t get his name, but I did get a 3-D polar bear picture for $3.00!

Anyway, sorry I’m not a better photographer, which means, if you can, the Zoo in St. Louis is one of the best attractions in the country. If you don’t have the money to go around the world, I’d start here.

A day away from liberal is ALWAYS a great idea.
And just to note: here’s two I wish were on the extinct list. Let’s make sure they get there.

June 22, 2018 Posted by | Life | | Leave a comment

We Will Miss You Dr. Krauthammer

Nobody Reports

Charles Krauthammer…died today.

Most of us knew him as the voice we really wanted to hear on all the FOX debate panels with Bret Beir. He came into his full potential in the last years of his life, and I remember being the most impressed with him when he said this in the last book I read by him:

“We go for a swim, we take a few dives and I hit my head on the bottom of the pool,” he said in a Fox News special in 2013 that looked at his life. “The amazing thing is there was not even a cut on my head. It just hit at precisely the angle where all the force was transmitted to one spot…the cervical vertebrae which severed the spinal cord.”

REALLY bad luck for a 22-year old Harvard student. But no luck as to how he handled it: with class, and brilliance.

Lucky for Charles…there were doctors, and money to help him recover and go on to finish college. I can’t help but think that even though his courage and intelligence manage to make him the success he became, there are millions of men that may have the same injury, but not the money to keep them hoping forever for a great job with such a disability.

But that’s life.

Charles touched my life even more because my son, who did not read many books, read Charles’s books and was an even bigger fan than I was. There was many a time I disagreed with Charles (especially in his last few years) but I never mentioned them to my son. It was much more important for him to gain whatever he could from a man, who thought so much about life, and always tried to back up his opinions with what he saw as logical. I was just happy to see him in such good hands.

FOX lost Bill O’Reilly, but we can still see him on Newsmax. I’m sure Eric Boiling will come back when he’s ready.
But, we will never watch Krauthammer’s joke and laugh, and argue his thoughts ever again, and hear his spontaneous witty comments.

The conservative movement has lost a giant.

Surely, Dr. Krauthammer is swimming among the rainbows tonight. And now he can argue with all the other great minds that were just waiting to get on the panel.

R.I.P dear sir:

….And Charles, if you please— America could use some divine intervention. I’m sure you have some clout with the power that really matter.

Make your best case for those of us still fighting…now that you have box seats behind home plate, your game may have just begun.

June 21, 2018 Posted by | Life | | 1 Comment

Nobody Flashes 

I am still in awe, and feel just like it’s the first spring of my life, when spring appears.

The absolute miracle of nature…that after a long, cold winter, as if by some kind of mysterious magic, and this year, it only took about 10 days…the earth transforms into a luscious garden of green delight with flowers of every color popping in with such intense splendor, I can only thank God I still have the eyesight to see it.

Put down that cell phone and enjoy. Spring, is much too short…I could use a whole month of it. 

 

May 19, 2018 Posted by | Life | | 1 Comment

Who Needs Calvin Klein?

 

Nobody Flashes

Okay. I have trouble sometimes with this, “We all evolved from a single cell amoeba that crawled out of the ocean” theory, when I see such wonder as this:

Is this overkill? Or what?

The symmetry alone…marks proof to a higher intelligence involved here.

But, that’s just my Nobody Opinion. 

 

April 14, 2018 Posted by | Life | | 1 Comment

Nobody’s Gitmo Time: Stage Four

Nobody Flashes

Hi again.

By now, you are saying (You know who you are— I can COUNT you on one hand and a pinkie): Well, where ARE you Joyanna? You said, just last week: “God willing” that you would be back on Monday. You weren’t. What happened? Wasn’t God Willing?

Did your absence have something to do with the last of the White Rhino’s dying off the planet?” somebody out there might ask.

No. And politically speaking, after hearing about the last omnibus bill, that might not be a bad idea—

No, it had to do with my Nobody’s Gitmo Time.

Let me explain in one sentence: “If you can’t get to Stage four, then it’s Nobody’s Gitmo Time.”

I’ll explain Stage four in a minute. First, we must get through stage one, two, and three.

Basically, I’ve been tortured.

It’s not a pretty thing when you find yourself lying on the floor, and saying to yourself, “Damn. I did it again.” Fall that is. I’ve been falling lately, not because I’m clumsy, no, it’s because I’m usually in stage four sleep and I’m trying to walk.

Do NOT compare me to Hillary. She’s usually awake when she falls. No, this is ‘stage four’ lack of sleep torture.

Not sleeping Joyanna? Big deal. Go take a nap.

I can’t nap. Too much caffeine. You see, I can’t sleep, I can’t nap. The REAL Gitmo would be a vacation to me right now.

Why are you not in bed you might ask? Because, for the last four months of my life, I have been tortured by experts that even the toughest of Gitmo CIA operatives would be jealous of.

And that main CIA operative in my house’s name is: Koko.

My little 17-pound dog was named after the famous gorilla who could use sign language, because at the time she was literally dropped on our doorstep, I had much more important things to do beside name a dog. KOKO the gorilla was on the TV at the time I was changing my mother’s diaper–therefore I shouted, “Let’s name her Koko!” And went back to diaper duty.

But Koko is MUCH smarter than her namesake. She doesn’t even need opposing thumbs. She has a bark that tells me everything she needs. A bark SO LOUD that car alarms go off, TV’s turn on, and ground hogs turn over in their holes when she opens up her little mouth.

She can’t hear her own bark because, you see, she’s 17, and deaf.

She’s also blind.

The vet says: Hey, if a dog can still smell, she’ll be fine!

Fine for the dog. Torture for the owner. As you can guess…my VET is a democrat.

Let me go on to say that Koko has a great heart, but her back hips are giving out. And every night, she wakes up, around 2 or 3 am, and barks SO loud that I literally rise from the bed like Linda Blair in the exorcist.

So far, my husband has not noticed this elevation.

Big deal? Yes, because you see, she sleeps at the end of the bed and I must get up out of my sleep and lift her up, take her to the back-patio door, and gently take her down the two steps outside. Otherwise, there is a big mess on her bed, or on OUR bed, and that means an entire day of laundry.

I’m so tired, I usually don’t bother to put shoes on. Snow? Who cares? Cold? Hey, I’m dead to the world.

So, being that at 3am in the morning I am in stage four sleep, sometimes, I trip going to the door in the dark, and I’m thinking: “I’ve fallen! Do I HAVE to get up?”

Now, let’s review: Stage one is the first 20 minutes of sleep. Then…Stage two. That lasts around an hour, where people usually dream. Stage 3 doesn’t last long and frankly, nobody really remembers it, but Stage FOUR! Oh, that’s the time, around the third to fourth hour, when the brain reboots, the immune system repairs all the damages done doing the day, and gets you ready for the NEXT four hours. And then it all starts over. Every night. Unless you are a turtle, that’s what happens.

Most people go through two stage fours a night. Not me. I never make it to even ONE.

If ONLY I was a dolphin.

If you are awakened in the lovely sleep stage of one or two, then you wake from either a dream of, in my case, pythons or tornadoes, or a lovely dream. I dream of designer homes of the rich and famous where I am the rich and not so famous. I can design the BEST bathtubs in my dreams.

You should see them.

But to be awakened night after night after night after night, after night, after night, after night after….(for three months straight, or has it been six?) when I’ve just gotten into stage four?

Total torture. Putin would tell you. (The Russians have perfected sleep deprivations torture.) Your body, doesn’t want to move. Your arms feel like they are being held down by Michael Moore who is actually grinning: Your legs feel like the great wall of China. They simply refuse to budge.

Hillary Clinton herself could be standing by my bed with an axe and I’d turn over and try to go back to sleep.

And once I get up? I don’t DARE cook breakfast. I can’t get near a stove until at least 4pm.

But…. let’s get back to 3am. I’m just beginning to fall into Stage four sleep, and I hear– BARK! BARK!
I somehow manage to lift her down, stay awake 20 minutes while KoKo does her stuff, sniffs the house, drinks some water, gets stuck behind a corner, where I have to find her and rescue her, and then, I hear the bark: I WANT BACK UP.”

So, I pick her up and put her back in her bed.

It takes her a good five minutes after turning around to find a good spot. I finally get to fall back asleep…BUT…in just two hours…I’ve passed through sleep stage one, two…three…and THEN….

The clock turns to 4am. My husband wakes up. He turns the TV on. The other dog is barking and up. I don’t have to move, but I cannot go into stage four for another 45 minutes until he leaves at five, and I’m FINLLY in stage four, and….

BARK! It’s 6 am! Wake up! BARK BARK BARK!! BARK BARK BARK!!.

Both dogs. Get up! Get up! Feed me! Let’s play! 

This has gone on for four months straight. Add to that the fact that every other night my husband snores loud enough to launch the new Russian missile over Joe Biden’s house, and even the radio in my ear doesn’t drown THAT out, I cannot even get to stage two on those nights.

Try sleeping on a transistor under your back and your ear tangled up in wire. Try making it through the day when you are actually worse than a Zombie in last night’s Living Dead Episode. Try remembering why you are AT the grocery store.

And then, after going through the day half asleep, try writing a coherent blog right before bedtime.

So, you get it.

I have had no REAL sleep in over four months.

And here’s the kicker.

You cannot make up sleep. Nope. Whoever told you that is lying to you. The only thing you can do is take bucket loads of caffeine and make a lot of spelling mistakes. Which I do all the time, AS YOU ALL KNOW, but then again, so does President Trump.

I don’t think it’s just Congress and the democrats that are torturing our President.

I don’t think he gets enough Stage four sleep either.

Now, you might think I’m lying. But I swear, the LAST memory of myself ever having slept a full 8 hours (which is what I really need) and waking up feeling just marvelous, was in the year 2000. Yes, I remember it well. Seventeen years ago, almost to the day.

I was in Naples, Florida at a friend’s house, visiting. And I was….ALONE.

But, I don’t want to be alone. I have a wacko blind and deaf dog whom I cherish, a husband whose snore I’m sure I would miss despite the torture, and a brain that might not ever recover.

Anyway, any sane person, who’d had been sleeping properly, would not post this.

But, at the moment, I am not sane, I’m just…. tortured, and I don’t want to lose what little following of my blog that I have.

So, I just wanted to let you know: I’m thinking of joining the CIA where I too, can learn how to torture.

I have not disappeared.

I’m just…….in Nobody Needs Deep Sleep Gitmo.

Where I am losing sleep— but gaining my sense of humor back.

I guess you really have to suffer in life to enjoy it. That’s all I have to say about it.

Only to add…Nobody’s Perfect. Someday, sleep will come. When I’m dead.

Until that time…I’ll write when I can.

March 22, 2018 Posted by | humor, Life, Uncategorized | , | 2 Comments

Nobody Takes a Break

Nobody Flashes:

Once a year usually, I just have to give myself a break, to take care of myself, life, my family.

My own soul.

This is one of those times.

God willing, I will be back next Monday.

Everybody have a great week. And for the few of you who do read me,

Thank you…Thank you.

 

March 11, 2018 Posted by | Life | | 2 Comments

How Precious is Life…

Nobody Flashes

The many celebrations and reminders of how precious life is ….

 

March 3, 2018 Posted by | Life, Uncategorized | | 1 Comment

Christmas Dancing in the Snow With Irishmen

Nobody Flashes

This song simply HAS to be played today…for me.

I was talking to one of the men putting in my patio door today, an Irish looking guy. Our old one cracked into tiny pieces. We had been putting tons of pillows and curtains and boards up to keep the cold out, so we were pretty excited to get a new one.

It’s a three paneled door, and we had been waiting for 2 months for it to be manufactured and then installed. It was only 57 degrees here today, warm for December, so the door installers said they would be coming by 10.30.

To say I was excited is an understatement.

10.30 passed.

11.30 passed.

12.30 passed.

1:30 passed.

2:30 passed.

Where were they? I thought.

And then the head guy called and said they’d be there by 3.pm

3:30 passed, and they arrived at 4:30. It gets dark at 5:pm here, so I was surprised when they apologized, said they had trouble at the first job, and jumped in to repair our patio door, which by the way, is three huge glass panels and takes up a whole wall.

5:30 PM, they got the old frame out…and all of us: the three contractors, my husband, and I…went quiet.

There, underneath the frame, were THOUSANDS of termites.

Quickly we got an old can of termite spray from the house, and Justin, the man in charge sprayed the whole can on top. I ran up to the local hardware store and bought more cans.

What to do now?

Justin said, “Well, we’ve got to put the door up, otherwise you have a whole wall with nothing there. You need to get an extermination, and we need to come back TAKE the door down, replace the rotten wood, and put it in right.

Now, it’s dark out, and getting cold. And I said, “Well, 2017 has NOT been kind to us.”

First, our garage door opening stopped working.

Then, our 64 inch big screen TV, the only one we watch, died.

Then our basement flooded. It was completely finished off. Bedroom, pool room, bathroom…bar…everything had to be repaired. We had to tear out the rugs, rebuild the walls, and put up new drywall.

Then, our oven died. It was a wall oven, and my husband and I had to try to “lift’ the new one in all by ourselves. Labor would have been $500, never mind the expense of a new wall oven.

The electrician for downstairs still hasn’t given us our bill. We had to rewired most everything.

And then…the sewer line backed up. Good thing all the rugs were already torn out. But, because whoever built the house did not leave room for a ‘line’, they had to remove the toilet downstairs to clean out the sewer backup.

Anyway….there was more stuff, MUCH more, it’s just that my mind is trying to BLOCK the rest out.

So, back to the story. I was telling them what a bad year we had. And then, like Christmas magic, we all bonded in silence. The working class. The WHITE working class men mostly, making the world go round, and yet, each day a struggle.

And one young guy shook his head. “Yeah, it was a bad year for me too.”

“Well, make us feel better.” I said. “Tell us your bad deal.”

“My fiancé broke up with me. I found her with another guy.” He has spent $6,000 for a ring. She gave it back but he only got $350 for it when he sold it.

“Her big loss” I said. And I meant it. Then we all told him he was lucky it happened BEFORE the marriage and no kids were involved. Surely, I told him, he would find another.

Just ordinary Americans. These guys were the good stuff. The good stuff that this country was built on. And every time I hear Hillary trash white people, I…well…where’s that termite spray.

Trump, is…so right.

Tonight, I opened a Christmas card from my neighbor who lives three doors down. I was supposed to get together with her, and do something last March, I called her, left a message, but she never called me back.

Being my typical self, I told my husband, “Well, I guess she’s just doesn’t like me.” and tried to just shrug it off. (That never really works, does it?)

But then, the reason why she never called became clear: Our phone number has been changed (she’s right) and she has stage four ovarian cancer most of the year, and is going through chemo.

What’s a few termites compared to cancer?

We sat on the long bus rides to high school together. She is the only girl who ever laughed at my jokes.

Cancer. Horrible.

So, THAT’s why I’m posting these very happy drunk Irishmen.

Join me, and toast! To the Irish Rovers!

To my favorite Irish man! (He knows who he is.)

To all the termites in my house! (Your days are NUMBERED SUCKERS.)

And to President Trump! May he defeat the swamp with swiftness and bold American bravado.

God bless the Good King of Christmas!

And God bless all you who read me, and wonder when I’m going to drive myself crazy.

I’m already there…dancing in the snow with Irishmen.

Thank you for your help, and your kind emails.

I don’t think I could have made it through 2017, without you.

Okay…another glass? These guys are too much fun!

God bless freedom loving people on the planet wherever they are! The tyrants will be defeated.

They always are…so…

Tonight, I dance with the drunken Irishmen.

Care to join me?

 

December 16, 2017 Posted by | Life | | Leave a comment

Nobody Loves You Like A Dog

Nobody Flashes

Dog lovers will love this.

It’s got to feel good to come home to this much love.

Enjoy!

December 15, 2017 Posted by | Life | | Leave a comment

Salvador Mundi VS Ketchup

Nobody Flashes

While the universe was obsessed with sex scandals, other fun news was happening.

It almost seems impossible, that a Leonardo Da Vinci would show up out of nowhere, and depict the most famous person in all of history: Jesus Christ, but it did.

This painting was thought to be a hoax and once sold for $60 dollars, and then, it was discovered that it was the real deal and a Russian bought it, and paid about $174 million for it, so he made a nice profit. Somebody bought it for $450 million.

Since Mona Liza is the most famous painting in the world, Jesus certainly gets the bigger bang for the buck.

Gasps rippled through the Christie’s auction house. And then cheers. “Salvator Mundi,” a 600-year-old painting by Leonardo da Vinci, had just sold for $450 million.

Most of us have seen a lot of picture of Jesus, but even looking at it on the internet, I have to say, it’s probably my favorite. Still, why would the Russian sell it?

Fake or not, it’s beautiful.

And then you do have the real fake…a painting that has what I like to call it the “Hillary Clinton” effect. It’s a painting done with Ketchup. A painting that even a 4-year old could pull off, and some fool paid $50 million for it.

So, what FOOL paid $50 million for a canvas of Ketchup that he could have done at home for under $50?

I guarantee you, it was a liberal fool, because THIS is how the liberals described it:

Red is the colour of wine, but also of blood, and these canvases encompass both the sensual pleasure and violent debauchery associated with the god. This contrast is echoed in the paintings’ combination of euphoric loops that soar upwards and vermilion floods of paint that ooze and cascade down the canvas. The unfurling gestures of these paintings were made, like Henri Matisse’s works in old age, with a brush affixed to the end of a pole, which lends them their vitality and scale.”

Well, I have ketchup ooze and cascade down my hamburger too. What a bunch of BS hooey. Sounds just like a liberal: conning you to buy their paintings just like they con you to buy their politics. With big fancy words of description meaning absolutely nothing.

And these people rule the world.

I want to know who bought both paintings, don’t you?

I HOPE the Vatican bought the Da Vinci. It should be among the most valuable treasures. It should stay in Italy.

And the Ketchup? Well, one thing for sure…it wasn’t President Trump.

Now, if it had been GOLD cascading….

November 17, 2017 Posted by | Life | , | Leave a comment

Machio Kaku: The Mind of God

Nobody Flashes

GOD according to Michio KaKu!

Enjoy!

September 23, 2017 Posted by | Life | , | 1 Comment

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