Here is ONE reason we can all celebrate the internet….you can find out that you are actually an empty walking slug of bacteria. And if I’m a walking bag of empty bacteria, what is Michael Moore?
I’m wondering when was the last time my cells died.
Enjoy! After all, Hillary is going to be on TV, and all of us only have so many summers left.
This is the weekend the pools open! So how about we watch this crazy Russian show us how excited he gets when he put dry ice into his swimming pool.
I have to admit, this guy cracks me up. He doesn’t even have to do a thing. I want him to be my neighbor.
Dear Russian Crazy man: Where do you live? I want to move next door!
Anyway, enjoy…and go ahead and do it at YOUR house. Put the kids in first.
I’m in a very cantankerous mood lately, due to the fact that soon, I’m having another birthday, and I’m just not aging gracefully. And I WANT to. But, I just can’t damn it. I realize that death is an unknowable equation…and I’m lucky to have lived this long…considering all the close calls I’ve had working at night in downtown St. Louis.
After all, so many people die young. And they didn’t even get to realize how precious life is…that knowledge usually doesn’t come until you realized you don’t have many years left…
For instance…all the babies that die young. Nothing in life is more heartbreaking than losing a child. Whether it’s a baby, or a man who lost his life in war…I can’t imagine the pain of the parents, and they could never put it into words. And here I am..still living.
And so, when I think of these things I get …in a bad mood. An angry mood. And I get even angrier when I think that right after I write this and post it, some NSA computer is going to store it in some little computer chip for…probably some company to send me ads…for all eternity.
(Want to live longer? Try Metamucil…Use SEA SALT!)
Which brings me to the subject tonight of the fight in the news between Alex Jones, and Glenn Beck. Glenn Beck it seems has sucked up to Zuckerface. Ever since Glenn Beck lost his following when he started condemning people for not voting for Ted Cruz, he’s been losing it, and Alex Jones thinks he’s part devil.
It’s been pretty amusing. After all, what do I care? But I do care. Our ‘heroes’ are pretty stupid nowadays. When the biggest ‘hero’ on the block is Mark Zuckerberg, you’ve got a problem.
And here’s one thing nobody talks about. When you get old, and you see young men like Mark Zuckerberg, being so rich and famous, and so full of…shit..it just pisses you off.
I must admit, I’ve gotten my opinion about Zuckerberg from the movie The Social Network. Jesse Eisenberg did an excellent job portraying the boy as a spoil, rich, and insufferable snob.
When he invented “FACEBOOK” it was clear, that he took (stole) an idea, and did everything he could to make it his alone.
Ruthlessness is the name of the game to be a success it seems.
So, why is Facebook so popular? People want to connect..and show the world who they are. It’s a simple concept and trust me, it didn’t take a genius to think of it.
I probably am one of the only people who compares Facebook with any other invention. It’s not that big of a deal….the propaganda about it is.
You don’t have to be on FACEBOOK to live a life. FACEBOOK has not made my life, easier, but is has made the FBI pretty happy.
It’s not like the invention of the automobile or the airplane. It’s just another web invention.
And really…how can a man who is a genius be so STUPID when it comes to everything else?
His politics are “get into bed with every government so your product makes you MORE rich!”
What I’m trying to say is the older I get, the more I see how history is always the same: Some men float to the top of the heap, and more times than not, the man that should rise to the top, NEVER does.
Animals in the wild eat their own…so…does…man.
So, I’m not having a happy time getting old. I keep reading all these snazzy articles in magazines about how it’s all how you look at life that matters.
My doctor says my life is written in my DNA. No use in fighting it. As you can guess, I don’t get along with my doctor very well, but because of Obamacare I’m lucky to even HAVE a doctor, so I’m stuck.
Frankly, I want him to lie. Yes. Lie.
So, I have to celebrate something on my birthday…and I’ve decided the one thing I have to be thankful for, is that Oprah Winfrey has retired too. I don’t have to see her when I’m changing the channels on every talk show. Thank you Oprah, for the wonderful birthday present.
Watch…tomorrow I’ll see her on the Glenn Beck program.
Pass the salt.
Here is ONE talent I wish I had. This little boy has it down.
This cracks me up. I think Turkeys share DNA with politicians. Listen…Tell me if they don’t all sound like this.
Nobody Gets Email
Do you remember any of your first dates? I have tried HARD trying to remember my first date with my husband, and I can’t. Not because of my memory, but because he never did ask me out. We just sort of hung out together. In fact, I don’t even remember him asking me to marry him. I just remember we would both call each other on the phone before we went to bed, and I kept falling asleep, and so somehow we decided we’d better just get married because neither one of us were sleeping. We just couldn’t hang up. It was getting ridiculous.
Yes..he was smooth. No first date, no proposal…what the hell was I thinking? (What…sex?) Anyway, we’ve been married now for…over twenty years. Might be twenty-three. Might be twenty-four. I don’t pay attention to these things. I figure once you get over five years, its smooth sailing….he remembers for both of us.
BUT…this email caught my eye. This couple had a very memorable first date…and I think it’s for real because it just too typical not to be true.
(Thanks to J.R. )
Her First Date
If you didn’t see this on the Tonight show, I hope you’re sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.
There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter…Snowing and quite cold… and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah .
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. ! ! They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point here she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about’ what is taking so long’ with a reply that indeed, she was ‘freezing her butt off’ and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.
Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be ‘pants down’. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno’s comment… ‘This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.’
Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Start your day with a giggle mom. And memories of the days when your grown kids were…babies and laughed at everything. My son’s first word was……”ball”.
It was a disappointment I can’t tell you. He’s next word was…”Dad.”
Clearly…he was smart. The rest of his life I was trying to get him to notice me. On mother’s day, I call HIM.
“Hi, it’s me…your mother. Remember?”
Anyway…ladies, let the men cook today. Go on Dad, give mom a break.
And please, enjoy this video…the laughter is infectious!
I was looking at these pictures today, and some of them took my breath away.
All I can say is: God is good. Animals are good. Man…well…we haven’t quite figured that one out yet.
All of these pictures are real. The last one gave me the chills, because the day of our wedding my husband and I were walking out the back door of the house to go down to the little church that we had rented out, and as SOON as we walked out the door, there was a GIGANTIC moth. As big as the one you see in that last picture. It wasn’t that pretty, but it was as big. That one is from Australia.
Anyway, we both took it as a good sign…as it was hanging in the garage…as if to greet us and wish us luck. I should have taken a picture of it, but it was before cell phones, and we were running late.
Haven’t see one that big since, or ever in fact.
So…enjoy….. the wonders of nature…
There isn’t anything happier than a happy dog when “Daddy” comes home from overseas.
I love watching these films, and how wonderful it must be to come home to such joy.
As promised…a very uplifting video that is just adorable. Dogs and duck buddies…
What could be cuter? (Be sure to watch it until the end.)
(Thanks to Kim Komando)
When I was about seven, I had what you might call my first really “spiritual” experience.
It was due to my grandmother…who woke me early on Easter morning around 4 in the morning to get me dressed.
“We are going to see a sunrise sermon.” she said. I remember it was really hard waking up.
By the time we got to the car, it was still dark. Grandma drove. We went to a local garden, at the times it was called Caribbean Gardens…one of the many tourist spots in Naples, Florida which at that time, only had a population of around 10,000 people.
I had never been up that early before, and it was the first time in my life I had ever seen a sunrise. OMG. What I had been missing.
I remember trying to keep up with my grandmother, as we walked into what obviously was to my young eyes…heaven on earth. Peacocks roamed at will, beautiful tropical plants surrounded the hundreds of people who were going to a hill, to hear…the sermon on the mound….by the local preacher.
Now, you might think that a young kid would think such a thing boring. I know…today, most kids would. But as I looked around at the gardenia, the roses, the parrots, the dew that shown on the light green grass as the sun rose and hit the dew and sparkled the whole grassy knoll like millions of diamonds.. …even today, approaching as I am the autumn of my life, I can still see in my mind’s eye the absolute and unbelievable beauty that only a god could make happen. I was seeing for the first time…through God’s eyes.
And I really listened to that sermon. I had to ask my grandmother many questions, but she taught it to me as best she could…Later on when I got home, she read it to me.
I’ve said the Lords’ prayer, as I’m sure millions have in times of great fear throughout my life, and Jesus’s words that day, filled me with the undebatable certainty in my mind that there was a God.
Who else could create such a heaven as this? You can’t tell me a peacock’s feathers are just random.
My grandmother later on gave me the book, “Positive Thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale….and my grandfather brought me a subscription to National Geographic.
They influenced me now looking back, just as much as my parents did.
I feel, as many of us do, closer this Easter to the spirit of Jesus, and God….but…the humble kind of spirit…
Not the Glenn Beck, Ted Cruz damning spirit, because I really don’t believe Jesus was saying that on the mound.
No…he was saying “Blessed are the poor in spirit” Not the arrogant. Not the bully pulpit who yells and screams his righteousness and condemns everyone who does not accept his rules.
Jesus, according to all that we read…was a gentle spirt. His only angry moment was at the money lenders in the Temple.
In fact, it reminds me of the movie Pollyanna. Remember the preacher who would damn his congregation every Sunday, and Pollyanna showed him that God’s word was kind, and he should be “joyful?”
Disney was a genius.
Anyway, I’m rambling. Sorry, the video just took me back.
I hope everyone has a great day with their family…and I also hope God’s spirit fills your life.
If you are an atheist, well…I guess you just didn’t have a grandma who loved Jesus. It’s okay. Shit happens. And you know what? It doesn’t really matter does it?
It’s all a mystery.
Have a Happy Easter!
Here’s a race between a Bugatti Veyron and a Euro Fighter
All I kept thinking while I was watching this was “Gee, all Mona and I do is talk about what she cooked for lunch.”
I love men and ALL their toys.
Now THIS is how you get people to like Opera!
(Thanks to JR)
There is no other way to say this: My life at the moment is FUBAR. Events surrounding my personal life have hit me like I was in a car and sideswiped by a MAC truck. That didn’t actually happen, but we all know that out of the blue, life can throw a numerous amount of disasters that need attention, and sometimes, healing. That’s happened and I must admit, I’m still getting off my knees and trying to get back on my feet, and so, I’ve had to limit my blogging to take care of my life.
The FUNNY part about this is…I’ve been blogging since the year 2000, and have about 75 daily readers….and when is my most popular day?
SATURDAY! When I post everybody else’s emails! Ha ha ha ha….This means that my weekly daily rants are really only read by a handful of people. Maybe..six or seven. Which, don’t get me wrong, those six or seven people are who I write for. And I love every reader of course and the comments and wisdom of you all.
I have tried to write things that you don’t hear on the news everyday. Most pundits just report what they read, and repeat the most popular view, and I have tried hard to find original thought and comparisons AND the obvious that most others have never bothered to even mention. Some weeks, I think I have succeeded in that. Other weeks, maybe not. You just keep trying, right?
You dear readers are great. YOU have put up with my horrible spelling, that even after four spell checks, are never caught, and I don’t catch them until the next day. I have a bit of dyslexia, which I suggest Microsoft get right on. If the ZIKA virus gets worse, they will need it for more of us out here suffering from the combination of brain damage and the public school system.
l also want to apologize for the habit of too wide of “spaces” between words…I know ONE friend of mine that says it drives him crazy. Luckily, he hasn’t disowned me yet. Why do I not see them before I post?
Because it’s usually one in the morning, I’m tired, and even with eyeglasses on, I don’t see the small print. LOL! okay, not funny. May I repeat: NOBODY’S PERFECT. Ha ha.
So, if nothing else, I will do a small bit on Saturday for a while…with an email for all the folks that come to see the emails
…and maybe a sort of Nobody Flashes Random thoughts from the week for a while.
I love you all.
Say a prayer for me…and for the country….and for the Pope, who CLEARLY is a committed communist and should be struck by lighting, to save the Catholic faith from destruction.
Thank you for your patience.
And in the words of John Adams:
Independence Forever…no more. No less.
P.S…I will try to keep posting on Twitter…as it’s against my very DNA to remain completely silent.
It’s Sunday. Yesterday we lost an icon, Justice Scalia, probably the most conservative voice on the Supreme Court, a great blow to the country. More about that tomorrow.
Today, I wanted to show where I was last week…a Missouri Nobody went to the sand of Arizona…for the first time. Having only seen Cactus’s in John Wayne movies, you can imagine how silly I was, when I saw my first desert and walked around all the desert rocks and plants in amazement saying things like…”Wow…look at THAT!” and “Where are the lizards?” “Where are the scorpions?” “Where are the wild horses?” I was MORE than annoying.
Nobody likes to note that Phoenix was VERY clean, the people were a lot nicer than the people here in the Midwest, and that’s mostly because there are very few natives, and the natives were complaining that it was too…HOT. (86 degrees) Yes, complaining to a couple who had just left Missouri where the temperature was 9 degrees.
Having said that…during rush hour they were…insane.
Anyway, Phoenix is a very pretty state, and CLEAN. They must have little desert gremlins with trash bags that come out at night and sweep.
Here’s some of my Arizona vacation: