Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

To Debit, or NOT to Debit? OR…

Nobody Wins

Let me confess: I LOVE my debit card. Yes, I remember the old days, back when men were men, and women washed diapers by hand…when you had to carry all that nasty cash around in your pocket. When you were at the store, you had to get out your wallet, and pull out the ten or twenty, and then you got change. SOME of us actually remember that.

Somewhere around the end of the twentieth century, even finding the correct change to give the cashier would get you at least five dirty looks from the people standing behind you. So, most people came home and threw the change in a big jar, heaven forbid they should hold up ANY line. This small change would later would put their sons through college.

Ha! Never again!

The women got the worst of it back then, because the men will only carry the bills. No man wants to be seen with a big LUMP in their pockets, (unless of course, you are a Weiner) which meant the women had to put all the coins, pennies, and quarters in her purse. It was the original “trickle down” concept to which later, Ronald Reagan based his financial budget policy on. The man spent the money, (Okay, we give them the credit for earning it…) and then the woman took all those drips of nickels and dimes that trickled down to her…and hid them from the man, Then, she would take those big jars, and use the money to buy clothes and shoes, which she also hid.

Are you kidding? Women are reincarnated squirrels. This secret hoarding went on for years. The last thing a man will do is venture into a woman’s closet, least you get caught admiring a dress.

Notice, I said…”Man”

If you didn’t have any money on you, you wrote a check. This got at least TEN people behind you wanting to shove you in a cart and roll you into the frozen food section. Remember, checks USED to be issued free to bank customers. Some banks even threw in toasters and guns for your business!

HA! Never again!

Now, you have to buy your checks, at triple-inflationary prices!

But, something HAD to be done about all this free cash floating around, sooooo, one day, someone at some bank decided, why not make a “debit” card so that the poor people wouldn’t have to stand in line anymore? They could just flick the one card through the machine, and the machine would say “ok!” and you were on your way, leaving lots of room in women’s purses for hair spray, dog treats, fashionable shoes, workout clothes, and baby wipes.

Did you ever wonder why the women now are fatter? It’s because they stopped dragging around bags full of heavy coins. “We have to give up something for progress.” said the bankers.

And the bankers were right. Now, a whole nation is hooked on debit cards. It’s easy, it’s fun, it’s so fast….and we can spend as much as we want and even more, and to make things even greater, we can go online to our bank accounts and see ALLLLLLLLLL the money we spent and how much it cost, and what we bought…and somewhere in cyberspace anyone can see just what where we bought it, and if there was sex involved.

You think the empty water bottles are a problem? It doesn’t even compare to the trail of every transaction being done every minute of the day. Yes, a huge paper trail of debit card transactions dominate the universe.

Nobody Thinks the great records of every transaction every man and women in the world have made, are hidden in Las Vegas, and under Harry Reid’s beck and call to sell this important information to the highest bidder—which is China. What? Do.you think we only sold them our garbage?

And now that they know everyone LOVES their debit card, it’s time to tax it every time you use it.

WHAT?

To make things fair, our bankers have decided that if you are a millionaire and buy a yacht for $250,000, and use your debit card…that transaction will only cost you 23 cents. (if our Congress has its way) And if you are a mere nobody, and want to buy a Slurpee at your local quickie mart for 99 cents, that transaction will cost you…23 cents.

It’s the hope and change that Obama promised!

Once again, the banks are NOT going to make much money off the millionaires, they aren’t millionaire for nothing you know, how do you think they got that way? Our “government” buttheads have to come up with some way to “tax’ the people.

The rich guys who own them, said, “You’d better figure out a way FAST, to save the banks!” Yes, the banks are in trouble—which means less money for the people who need lots of it. People are paying off their credit cards and the great profit from credit card fees is dwindling.

So, in comes the Federal Reserve: To save the merchants, it will price freeze the cost that the credit cards like Visa and MasterCard can charge them for each transaction. The banks will lose a big bulk of money, and so..they will charge you now for using a debit card. In other words, for using your own money. Pass the loss onto the customer.

No more toasters, no more crooks, no more banker’s dirty books.

Think: how many times a day do you use your debit card? On a average shopping day, I can go up to six to seven stores, that’s another $1.61 that the bank makes off me. I figure if I use my debit care just every other day, the bank will make around $300 dollars a year. Multiply that by 300 million and they make…

Now see, this is the problem. I can’t use my $1.00 calculator that I bought at the dollar store with my debit card to do this math. And that’s what they are counting on.

The little banks will be hurt by this, BECAUSE, many people will just take money out of their banks again and start paying cash. They will hide their money in grandma’s old underwear drawer. And those little banks will lose money, but the bigger banks, will have Uncle Bernanke to bail them out.

Like I said, I LOVE my debit card, but if the Feds get their way again, I’m going back to my hoarding, squirrely ways. And I know LOTS of places to hide my money.And if you come into my house looking for it, I’m saving you the trouble. My grandma is dead, and I… don’t wear underwear.

HA! Never Again!

June 1, 2011 Posted by | budget, capitalism, economy, Federal Reserve | | 2 Comments

Fund the Soldiers or Kill the Babies, Mmmmmmm

Nobody Wins: America was worked up to a gurgling great-bellied political tizzy today. All the networks acted as if it was the end of our world as we know it if a budget wasn’t passed by midnight. It came down to: Should we keep paying the boys overseas to die for freedom in the Middle East (and hopes that democracy will spread in Bush’s 50 years), or continue to pay for the one abortion every 95 seconds going on at Planned Parenthood, which needs only a meager $363.2 million a year to save women lives? (unless they happen to be unborn women that is.)
Heeellloooo?
 
If you picked Planned Parenthood to be funded over our troops, then maybe you should consider: What exactly is your purpose on this planet? Go ahead, there are LOTS of books out there to help you.
 
I don’t get it. The last two times the “budget” wasn’t passed was because the Democrats just didn’t feel it was worth even doing—Nobody Cared at all. But today, it was made into the greatest congressional fight since Ali and Frazier: A fight brought on by the tea party, who want to end all life on the planet.
 
Yes, and Harry Reid’s wife, daughter, and great granddaughters just might die. He pretty much said as much late into the wee hours before the final vote, which got them to throw out the question of whether or not to fund that lover of life and liberty..Planned Parenthood, and talk about it some other day.
 
Scarlett O’Hara would be proud.
 
I guess Harry just can’t afford good insurance on his wife and daughter. They HAVE to go to Planned Parenthood, he’s so poor…wait…I’m sure Harry’s family is on his really great Congressional Health Plan, so why all this worry about Planned Parenthood?
 
Did Harry Reid just LIE to the American people?
 
Sure he did. And he not getting any better at it.
 
And excuse me…Doesn’t Obamacare provide all the very same things that Planned Parenthood does? Why are we funding two programs?
 
Somewhere in the middle of the afternoon…Harry Reid gave it another shot. He scowled and gave his best and most scariest warning: The Cherry Tree Festival…might not go on.
 
OH NO…not that! Anything but that! Minute by minute panic buttons were being pressed and Americans were told that, all the parks would close down, you would not get your tax refunds until 2033, and all non-essential people would not get paid, which in real life means, two-thirds of all governmental workers, and all of Congress and our President. Everyone would still work, just not get a paycheck…it’s their progressive dream. We’d just all start bartering, tennis shoes, IPODS, and garden vegetables. Alex Baldwin would have to actually shut-up.
 
 
The drama continued to build throughout the day…Congressmen and women all giving their opinions on the hard work and frustration…each party blaming the other.

Rep. Louise Slaughter (D-N.Y.) said [Thursday] that the new Republicans elected to the House of Representatives last November came to Congress “to kill women.” She also likened Republican efforts to prohibit federal funding of abortion except in cases of rape, incest or where the life of the mother is endangered to actions taken by Nazis. And she voted for Obamacare because she thinks the idea of a small panel of people deciding who gets to live and who needs to die is just a wonderful way to practice democracy. (Okay, I said that last sentence)

In the end…at the 11th hour..the whole show was done in dramatic fashion. They, the great Congress, came up with a total of $38 million to cut…which is like me telling Bill Gates that I will give him a down payment of one dollar for Microsoft.

Joseph Farrah explains it this way…
 • 1 million seconds equals 12 days
• 1 billion seconds equals 32 years;
 • 1 trillion seconds equals 32,000 years.
****
We are 14.7 trillion in debt. Let’s put them all on American Idol and make them sing.
***
Harry Reid gave himself a victory dance tonight. But this nobody saw a great dog and pony show, that made you think your congress was working really hard folks— Trust us, we did a fantastic job of sending out cronies hour by hour to built up to the final moment of …YES…we agreed on something! Please love us again!  They are all in so much doo-doo they can’t get out of it…might as well put on the old political show to make the masses think something is REALLY going to change. I wouldn’t doubt it if they were all playing cards all day.
***
“Ah…come on. One more game…let them all anticipate it. They will be so happy when we don’t shut it down…Come on Harry…you’re turn to deal.”
***

Yes, Harry is happy tonight. “This is historic, what we’ve done,” said Harry Reid.

I agree Harry….historically idiotic, even for you.

I’m going to go have a cup of hot tea.

April 9, 2011 Posted by | democrats, politics | | 4 Comments

What Budget?

Nobody Knows:

 Yesterday, Obama flew all the way to Ohio to give his speech on his “budget.”  I guess nobody watched it, because TODAY he gave the exact same speech at a press conference at the White House, and EVERYBODY watched it.  He could have saved us a few big bucks right there, but…those kids in Ohio needed to feel his concern.

Important state, that Ohio. I wonder why?

 I actually listened to his speech…and Nobody Knows that after listening to his budget, this nobody could not tell for the life of me, what the heck he said. (And neither did those school kids) Just when I thought he just couldn’t get enough of himself, he organized a big “I WILL NOW GIVE OUT METALS TO WHOM I THINK MOST WORTHY” party.

As if to say: Well, since I broke my promise about cutting the deficit in half, and because  I said wouldn’t kick the ball down the road, and I’m actually launching it to the next seventeen generations..I will show you what I CAN do…bestow Presidential favors.

You must forgive me. Listening to 5 straight hours of Obama talking while I was vacuuming dog hair off the bed, and the floor, and the tables, did not give me a clear understanding of just what he was saying —I keep getting the dog hair and the speech mixed up…but here’s a short summary:

OBAMA: “My budget will keep us by the year, 2021, from spending more money. Then, it will come due.  With this budget I will keep us even Steven until that year, in which, all the debt we didn’t pay will all be piled on at once.  I am a community organizer and I hate to cut community organizer spending, but I also think we cannot cut heating for the poor. And while this budget does not get all things going…simply because, as you know, in a Democracy we have a much harder time than other countries getting things done (which is not MY fault) because we have many voices to hear…and by the way, I prefer the latter (?) You people must realize we have to be pragmatic.  These things take time…look at Egypt…you thought three weeks was a long time? It will take at least a month to get King Tut into the Oval Office.

And as you know, George W. Bush  without a shot, took down the Berlin Wall. (?) And Warren Buffet, besides being the richest guy in the World, gives half of his money away, great guy…And look how tall that basketball player is! And the great German Leader Merkel got a medal, but I will have to give it to her myself.  And here’s  the greatest union organizer of all…the man, the great, Sweeny.

I love to do this folks! Just look what the unions have done for America. So…let’s forget protocol and applaud at this momentous day of budget talks, old X-Presidents who want go up to the Presidential podium (I stopped that)  and the reality that I will leave it up to the Republicans  to make those old decrepit people work till they are eighty . After they hear how hard they will have to work, they will WANT my health care plan. Understand…it just takes time. “

 The rest of the day, everybody and their other buddy were telling us that basically, the President was on crack. (in a metaphorical way..although, until we have drug tests for politicians we don’t know for sure) The average American keeps hearing “trillions” and “billions”, and we’re broke, and etc.. and we each owe $12,000, and maybe we can kick the can, or the horse, or if we get lucky, the IRS agent and Barney Frank from our nursing home in the sky.

I can’t believe I made it through Stan Musial not passing out on the floor of the White House.

 Paul Ryan said he “punted.” Frankly, I don’t even think Obama is on the field. He’s somewhere riding his camel to Cairo…all by himself.

Nobody Flashes: Germany just took over the New York Stock Exchange. No wonder Merkel got a medal.  

Nobody Flashes: France wants to get rid of the dollar.

Nobody Flashes AGAIN: We are so in debt, that Colorado is taxing bull semen, Nevada is going to tax prostitution, and Texas is going to put $100 surcharge on SUV’s. Which means it would be unadvisable to drive your SUV out of Texas, dragging your bulls behind, to the brothels in Nevada…unless you’re a politician.

So, join me in a more simply explanation about our money problems.

This video is a simple way to explain it all, and you don’t even have to go to Ohio to see it.

February 15, 2011 Posted by | budget, Obama | , , | 5 Comments

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