Joyanna Adams

Nobody Remembers Donna Summers— or Maybe Not

Nobody Remembers

If you think that May the 18th is just another day, remember as you grab that morning energy drink…lots of things have happened in history on May 18, and here’s some of my Nobody thoughts on them;

On May 18….

1096 – Crusaders massacre Jews of Worm.

(The Jews lived in a city called ‘Worm?’ When you think of the shape of Israel, sort of could look like a worm. Those &$%$ crusaders.)

1631 – John Winthrop is elected 1st governor of Massachusetts.

(Good old John Winthrop. He was John Adams old schoolmaster and he taught a lot of those revolutionary giants. Goes to show you what a good teacher can do when he’s left alone.)

1642 – Montreal Canada founded

(On May the 18th a great city was born…and then…)

1765 – Fire destroys a large part of Montreal, Quebec.

(Which is bound to happen again sooner or later. I give it a few more years.)

1803 – Britain declares war on France after Napoleon Bonaparte continues interfering in Italy & Switzerland

(So, England became Britain? (?)Even back then, nations used to DECLARE war. They don’t do that anymore. That was a nice thing…you know…official war declarations. Remember those?)

1804 – Napoleon Bonaparte proclaimed Emperor of France

(It must have been hard crowning that little head yourself. )

1830 – Edwin Budding of England signs an agreement for manufacture of his invention, lawn mower. Saturdays are destroyed forever.

(Man writing these historical records, actually has a sense of humor.)

1860 – Republican Party nominates Abraham Lincoln for president.

(And to this DAY, all Democrats proclaim him to be their savior, but forget to mention that he was a Republican)

1863 – Siege of Vicksburg, MS

(Three years later to the day, Abe has big problems.  Three years later…Obama main worry is student loans.)

1897 – Irish Music Festival 1st held (Dublin)

(Think I’ll get drunk, dance Irish jigs, and mow the lawn today.)

1897 – Dracula, a novel by Irish author Bram Stoker is published.

(Continuing forever endless teen vampire movies where blood sucking is a good thing.)

1910 – Passage of Earth through tail of Halley’s Comet causes near-panic

(Same thing happens when Obama smokes and parties in the White House.)

1927 – Grauman’s Chinese Theater opens in Hollywood California.

(Jackie Chan was actually there.)

1933 – On the very same day, May 18th..The Tennessee Valley Act (TVA) Act signed by FDR, to build dams and the 1st major league All-Star Game announced for July 6 at Comiskey Park that it will be played as part of the Chicago World’s Fair.

(Proving once again, that Major League Baseball has survived floods, steroids, and socialist dictators)

1934 – Congress approves “Lindbergh Act,” makes kidnapping a capital offense

(Uh…they needed CONGRESS to make it a capitol offense? What was it before Congress stepped in..an interesting babysitting story?)

1934 – Jimmie Foxx hits 1st HR in Comiskey Park center field bleachers

(Back then, the steroid was beer and peanuts, but Jimmie swore before Congress that he did not drink or eat. )

1934 – TWA began commercial service

(And millions of men finally dreamed of flying a stewardess. It was where Hugh Hefner got his idea for the Playboy club. Honest. Really. He just added the rabbits. )

1948 – Saudi Arabia joins invasion of Israel

(There was an ‘invasion?’ And WHO did they join? Was it because of the Worm again?

1953 – 1st woman to break sound barrier (Jacqueline Cochrane, USA)

(No…that was actually Ethel Merman)

1954 – European Convention on Human Rights goes into effect

(I thought this was important so that we all remember the date. Now, the European Union gives no human “rights.” to anyone unless they are part of the elite rulers. You’ve come a long way, EU.)

1963 – “If You Wanna Be Happy” by Jimmy Soul hits

(Never make a pretty woman your wife!) I love that song.

1964 – Supreme Court rules unconstitutional to deprive naturalized citizens of citizenship if they return to home country for more than 3 years

(Somebody call Singapore)

1967 – Silver hits record $1.60 an ounce in London and Gene Roddenberry suggests 16 names including Kirk for Star Trek Capt.

1980 – Mount St Helens blows its top in Washington State, 60 die

(Some because they were just too stupid, to get out of the way)

1994 – Israel withdraws from the Gaza Strip

(After the Worm trouble, I wouldn’t have.)

1998 – United States v. Microsoft: The United States Department of Justice and 20 U.S. states file an antitrust case against Microsoft.

(Bill Gates VS Janet Reno…Those were the good old days. Now we have The American Tea Party People VS Eric Holder)

Okay…that’s enough. Too much information? Well, you can always watch old Donna Summers video tapes…or an eclipse.You can never get bored..on May 18. History is a full circle of loons.

(Now, wasn’t this more fun than me telling you how many times I had to sing “She Works Hard for the Money.” to a lot of really drunk, irish people? Really, I don’t remember. ) 

May 17, 2012 Posted by Joyanna Adams | History, humor, Uncategorized | Congress, Donna Summers, History, Humor, Jews, Lawnmowers, Muslims, Napoleon, Worms | 3 Comments