Joyanna Adams

Progressively Fear-Baiting Puppies

Nobody’s Opinion: Here we go again: Katia the hurricane is heading for New Orleans. Really, the nerve. She should have gone to Texas, because about right now, you could do a fast quick-step in the dirt, cause a spark, and burn down half of Dallas it’s so dry. New Orleans doesn’t need more mud on Bourbon Street, the participation from urination will keep it wet well through 2050.

But, we live in the world of “Hurry up and make it sound ominously like the end.” I realized that we are getting minute by minute updates on disasters, storms, debt crisis, and terrorists, and it’s becoming annoying. I get extremely overly excited when I see a puppy commercial now because I’m getting so desperate for something normal to come on TV.

“Look…Look…a puppy! A puppy!”

I’m not proud of this, but I figure it’s not my fault. I’m becoming Armageddon challenged.
I was pretty scared by Kim’s Kardashian’s wedding myself. I find myself praying that she would NOT bear children. Can you just imagine their children? What is he…six feet fourteen? Mixed that with 64tripleD boobs…we are talking a whole new species. The planet doesn’t have that much room.

I was thinking about the fear factor today, and how the news is ALWAYS bad, and decided to make a list of all the things I’m suppose to fear from both parties, in order to get a logical perspective:

 Democrats:

Pollution:

1. Take it from Daryl Hanna: if you burn oil in your car, you are destroying the very water, food, and air that you breath. If a pipeline is built down through the United States from Canada, it will spill into the aqueducts and kill all the poor illegal’s in New Mexico, who will be drinking it out of the local desert spigots. I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty dire.
The fact that those tanks from Fema that are meant to protect DreamWorks won’t be needed anymore because the sheer volume of oil, if it should happen to escape the pipeline, will destroy Los Angeles, along with Steven’s famous props from JAWS.

Almost makes you want to give Daryl a big hug. Go ahead guys. She probably hasn’t had a good hug since John-John left her for that other blond.

AND MORE Pollution:

2. Al Gore is right. He won, and the earth lost because Al did not become President and therefore we have to close down all the parks in California, so that the Bohemian Grove can fit more people in it this year. Obama is bringing his whole tribe from Kenya, and they need to build more tents. In fact he plans to leave them there. That’s why they have to close the parks to the public. God forbid they wander into the Redwood forest and find drunk Kenyan’s roasting Mexicans.

The rich this year have so much discuss: Basically, how do they keep the banks printing enough money so that Fannie and Freddie can give more homes to Obama’s new arrivals, and kept their bonuses coming on strong? And …should they let Janet Napolitano dress in drag this year?

Jobs

3. The poor illegal immigrants must get amnesty, or America is doomed. As Bill Clinton warned, without new young Nino’s, wino’s and Nina’s, those guys in DC will have to take less. Besides, they are starving, and if that tea party doesn’t let them in, then we just won’t kick them out. If we have no more gardeners, fruit pickers and welfare recipients, the country will just collapse. After all, politicians have a lot of pools to clean.

SEX

4. Most important on of all, we need to protect the gays. If we DONT protect the gays, then who will the women turn to when those mean, nasty, and chauvinistic men divorce them? There are so many starving children in the world, and if we have more gays adopting, we can truly have a diversified America. The future of the world depends on it.

Doomsday

5. The tea party people are going to destroy the planet. They must die. They are old, and hopefully they will die, because they have planned to lynch the blacks. In fact, every black should start circling around the banks because that’s where the tea party people have their money. The blacks have no jobs because tea party people think the racist Constitution is something they want to save. Good thing they have a black President to point that out.

6. Sarah Palin, might run for President. If that happens, progressives will have to move for real.

 Republicans:
Total FUBAR:

1. Obama
2. Obama
3. Obama
4., 5., 6, Obama.

Okay, what more can he do?
And most importantly, what can we do?
I suggest, we replace all Democrats with puppies. I’m at a loss for logical solutions.

Nobody NOTES: Okay, they are using the fear factor to bring us to our knees every day, but there is ONE fear that happened to really work. When the American people found out that Obama supported a Mosque being built right by ground zero, they got really mad. I’m not making this up. All of a sudden the thought of Texans walking down fifth avenue sent the snobs on Martha’s Vineyard into a real tizzy.

SUDDENLY, a new building appeared out of thin air… after ten long years of nothing, and it’s reported on every single day by Fox News. As if to say…”Okay! Okay! Calm down! We are building something—.jeez!
But…just don’t pray there.”

Maybe we should replace all Muslims with puppies too. The planet would thank us.

(Nobody notes: Please, before you think I hate all Muslims, it’s the religion  stupid, not the people.)

September 2, 2011 Posted by Joyanna Adams | corruption, democrats, Obama | democrats, dogs, Humor, Muslims, Obama, politics, President | 4 Comments