Nobody Remembers: He Ate His Wife

Nobody Remembers

It didn’t make the sports page, but some ‘scientists’ were all surprised to find out that John Smith’s words were actually true: In 1609, the few people left in Jamestown, the first colony of Virginia, were so hungry they dug up people and started eating them. They have found the remains of a 14- year old girl, whose bones were thrown in with the other animal bones, and cuts to prove she was carved up like the rest.

I’m not sure how Queen Elizabeth feels about this discovery.

From the News:

Despite this and other textual references to cannibalism, though, there had never been hard physical evidence that it had occurred—until now. Kelso’s team discovered the girl’s remains during the summer of 2012. “We found a deposit of refuse that contained butchered horse and dog bones. That was only done in times of extreme hunger. As we excavated, we found human teeth and then a partial human skull,” says Kelso.

You have to ask yourself, why question this now? Here’s John’s actual words recorded for history:

“We were at sea five months, where we both spent our victual and lost the opportunity of the time and season to plant, by the unskillful presumption of our ignorant transporters, that understood not at all what they undertook…

(Translation: They were use to buying food at the market, nobody knew a twit about feeding themselves.)

As for our hogs, hens, goats, sheep, horses, or what lived, our commanders, officers and savages daily consumed them, some small proportions sometimes we waited till all was devoured. Then swords, arms, pieces, or anything we traded with the savages, whose cruel fingers were so oft imbrued in our blood, that what by their cruelly. our governor’s indiscretion, and the loss of our ships of 500 within six months after Captain Smith’s departure there remained not past 60 men women and children, most miserable and poor creatures. And those were preserved for  the most part by roots, herbs, acorns, walnuts, berries, now and then a little fish. They that had starch in these extremities made no small use of it: yea event the very skins of our horses.

Nay, so great was our famine that a savage we slew and buried, the poorer sort took him up again and ate him. and so did diverse one another boiled and stewed with roots and herbs. And one among the rest did kill his wife, powdered her, and had eaten part of her before it was known, for which he was executed as he well deserved. Now whether she was better roasted, boiled, or carbonadoed (broiled ) I now not: but of such a dish as powdered wife I never heard.

And so we see a bit of British humor showing through at this accounting of cannibalism, and who no doubt left out a few more savages that might have been consumed.

Don’t feel too bad for the Indians, they did a lot of ‘human’ eating too.

Not exactly a great beginning, but the moral of Jamestown, which we could apple to Katrina, or the United States of America..when the going gets tough, the top of the totem pole will survive. Best to have a plan B.

The rich get the good stuff, and it will always happen that way in history.  When the solar event finally comes, Sir Richard Branson will load up his deepest friends in his private space ship and be off to the moon.

Even back in 1609, the officers and commanders of the ship got all the meat and food. If they had rationed the food with the rest of the people, they might have all survived.

The poor guy gets the crumbs, and who ends up eating his poor wife?

She must have cooked him a bad squirrel.

May 2, 2013 - Posted by Joyanna Adams | American History, Uncategorized | History, Humor, Jamestown