Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Nobody’s Perfect: America VS Moldova

Nobody’s Perfect

 It wouldn’t be summer without hot dogs and beer, and this week we have a tie: What country gets grosser by the minute? America, or Moldova?
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America can eat more hot dogs than any other nation: Moldova, a country stuck between Romania, and the Ukraine, can out drink any nation, even their neighbors. In fact, Moldova is drunker than even South Korea, who by all standards, wakes up drunk. In Moldova, the average person drinks 4.81 gallons of alcohol a year. Both countries hold records, of dubious talents: that of getting drunk, and that of eating the most hot dogs at once. And after you consider the nutritional value of a hot dog, as compared to a beer, it’s a hard decision.
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Which is better for you?
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Man has been getting drunk since Adam first dropped Eve in a batch of grapes, after he ate the apple. Hot dogs were invented to get rid of all the junk and waste that the meat packers were throwing away. One day, some guy said, “Hey Joe…let’s take all these guts and stuff them, dye em’ red, and sell em’ at the ball parks!” The fans got thirsty from eating all those hot dogs, and drank more beer. It was a win/win situation for capitalism.
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The beer and hot dog moguls got together to make sure that everyone in America got hooked on hot dogs and beer, at every sporting events. In fact, the stadiums were built around the beer and hot dog franchises, and before you know it, now, when you go to the ball park, you are paying more for the hot dogs and beer than for the ticket. Two beers and two hot dogs? Cost: $2,440.52. Ticket? $40.00 dollars.
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Moldova tried the same idea. They make stuffed cabbage for their main meal, which is just about as horrible as eating 62 hot dogs in ten minutes…so they have to drink lots of alcohol not only to drown the taste, but to make them forget they ever ate it.  Therefore BECAUSE stuffed cabbage is much worse than a hot dog, which if piled with enough ketchup, mustard, onions and pickle relish…is rather tasty, nobody is leaning to the Americans for sheer tenacity of inventiveness. All the condiments make you forget about the hot dog, and this actually brings a much more exhilarating experience.
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Try putting ketchup on stuffed cabbage. Yuk.
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If you’ve never watched the Nathan’s famous eating hot dog contest on Coney Island, held every year on the fourth of July, take it from one who has.—Don’t watch it. You might not eat the rest of the day, or even, till the next July 4th. Some guy named Chestnut ate 62 hot dogs this year,  and now he is floating somewhere in New York harbor, wishing he had cabbage and sausage for lunch.
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That’s why America is going to win this. NOBODY can rip America’s money away from their innocent hands like another greedy American! We have the art perfected. If the CEO’s in Moldova were smart, they’d stuff a hot dog with cabbage, smother it in mustard, and have a contest, to see how many people watching can even bear witness to the event.
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But they will NEVER beat the American’s for sheer grossness, because WE keep can take our shirts off too!
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And Americans can eat hot dogs and drink beer at the same time, and get really drunk while doing it.
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Try that Moldova!

July 5, 2011 Posted by | humor, Life | , | 2 Comments

Ron Paul—Are You Stoned?

Nobody Wins

The news today is: Presidential candidate Ron Paul, and Barney Frank, are going to introduce a bill to legalize marijuana. That’s like James Madison getting together with the Marquis de Sade to legalized porn in the 16th century.

The bill to be introduced by Frank and Paul would allow states to “legalize, regulate, tax and control marijuana without federal interference.” Last year, California voters rejected Proposition 19, which would have allowed marijuana to be sold for recreational use. Voters in Colorado and Washington state could vote on the issue this year.

Now, ask yourself: If there is one state that has been stoned since the sixties: it’s California. They should know firsthand how many kids are still surfing at 40, because of the daily joint.

Okay, granted—African Black, Acapulco Gold, Bambalacha, Manhattan Silver, Queen Anne’s Lace, Panama Gold, and my personal favorite: Creeperbud…by whatever name you call it, it’s been around a long time. You can get it anywhere. School grounds are filled with “hookups.” And you have to wonder, is this exactly a wise idea? Sure…we have drug wars going on, but do we really need MORE stoned people hanging out on the corner? I suggest a few Cheech and Chong movies to help you decide.

Nobody can see just see Obama going down to Columbia and saying, “I’m here to buy your Columbian Gold! The United States is ready to be a willing customer…we will help your economy! ”

Do we really think that our founders would be all in favor of people texting and smoking while driving at the same time?  And do you really think smoking Puna Butter is going to benefit the already half-dazed people, into getting ready to what’s coming ahead?

That’s it. A sedated and calm people is a dictator’s dream. Right now, too many people are upset about the flooding Obama is doing…destroying whole communities, and for what again? Too bad they are not stoned…

Or…maybe they are. Nobody is complaining. At least, not on my TV.

Their argument is that alcohol has killed many people, marijuana, none. All those poor people dying below the border has to stop.  And that’s just it. George Soros is making it one of his life’s goals to get everyone smoking Congo Hash. He has an agenda to pass, and the less people that care about it, the better.

Come on…people don’t care about ANYTHING when their stoned except…eating. Ask my neighbor’s son…he’s been stoned since high school, got kicked out of the army because he was stoned, and now, I can go outside and see him walking around in front of his parent’s home, smoking, because he still lives there…at thirty. Brain damage started around nineteen.

I can’t wait to see him at sixty.

We are just getting people off of lung cancer, from cigarettes.  Does Ron Paul really want to kill a whole other generation with a nicotine content ten times the amount of a cigarette?  What? Is the AARP behind this?

Will they put Homer Simpson on the label?

Obama will say: “Let grandma put up a toke and go in peace. Those pain medication are just getting too expensive, it will be cost effective. It will take down the deficit.  And try some of my Obamamama Gold. I give it to Michelle and she eats TEN burritos—“I can’t stop her!”

Many people love Ron Paul, but you have to wonder…where’s his common sense? You don’t let a kid run out in the street because you want to give him the libertarian freedom, do you?

Ron Paul…are you stoned?

 

 

June 23, 2011 Posted by | conspiracy, humor | , | 1 Comment

Nobody REALLY Cares About the U.S Airway Dress Code

Nobody Cares:
Just when you thought that all those X-Ray machines and pat downs at the airport would keep you safe and sound …you have to wonder why they threw out any kind of decent dress code while transforming our comfort levels beyond, what is now, any thing sort of torture.
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I mean, even TACO BELL has a dress code.
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By now you’ve see this guy dressed as a woman, who was let on a US. Airways airplane because…1, there is no dress code, and 2. as long as you are not showing your private parts you are allowed to fly.
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Can you imagine having to sit next to him? Uh…Her? And can you see a good looking woman with a GREAT body wearing that? If you go by that criteria, then I’m sure a whole new BUNNY AIR RANCH will be flying permanently on every flight.
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Having said that, I’m sure my most intelligent readers can tell me: Who, among this crowd of famous fliers, would be the first person to be taken aside, groped intently, and maybe even refused a ride?
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Why…Miss America…of course! She represents all that the government hates…a beautiful American woman, which just HAS to be checked out …every…inch, by at least..ten or fifteen men, just to make sure she is not a terrorist, or God forbid she would happen to sit next to a Muslim who would be truly offended.
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If you picked Cher, you would be wrong. It’s all in the wording. Nipples, can be said not to be in the area of “private parts.”
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Not that anybody cares.
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As for the HAT…I want one.

June 22, 2011 Posted by | humor | , | 2 Comments

The Big Weiner Is Now…The Little Squirt

Nobody Flashes
Today, was another great moment in American History–it was the day that the Weiner resigned from his job as the fine patriotic and upstanding politician that he was.
Just ask him.
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He not only brought Americans comic relief in the middle of a great “recession,” but is at this very moment giving the Chinese and Taiwanese jobs making Weiner dolls and Wiener condoms.
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Nobody is speechless at his ultimate bulge on the American culture, and the brave sacrifice that he made by resigning.
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And a great bulge it was…just ask him.
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Yes, forever more, June the 16th will be celebrated as Weiner Day, where Americans everywhere will have hot dogs on toasted buns to honor the man who dared…to be a proud and unrepenting weiner.
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Although, he will get paid a very handsome pension till he dies, he will not have to resort to working as some lowlife lobbyist, no, he will make millions promoting the Weiner brand.
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And a great brand it is!
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So, all hail to the great Weiner! Nobody will be looking for his picture on the Ketchup bottles at my local grocery store.
Forever more, Nobody will think of him not as the big Weiner, but as the little squirt who took his own name much too seriously.

June 16, 2011 Posted by | humor | | 2 Comments

Sarah Palin Catches Revealing Obama Email

                            Nobody Wonders
Since the New York Times has found fit to examined over 24,000 emails that Sarah Palin sent when she was governor and show them to the world,—tell me, why stop with Sarah? How about Barney Franks emails? Nancy Pelosi’s? Let’s see them ALL! Why is it okay for one politician and not for the rest? Did Weiner upset them all that much?
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If I was Sarah, I’d be laughing, and insisting on opening up every one’s, including Barack’s.
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As you can see, this was sent yesterday, by the White House, from Barack, to his buddy in the Middle East….caught in Cyberspace and posted on Facebook.
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Okay, I made that last line up. But it looks real to me…don’t you think? I think Sarah agrees, she’s winking at me.

June 10, 2011 Posted by | Elections, humor | , | Leave a comment

Nobody Discusses Hot Dogs

Nobody Flashes:

There is a new popular posting going around all the famous blog sites. If the writers don’t have any time to write, they introduce a few subjects and say, “Go ahead and discuss amoung yourselves…I’ll be back tomorrow.”

Well, I’ve decided to get in on this exciting new habit. So…

Here is a wiener. Discuss it among yourselves and have a nice day! (I just HAD to do this since I usually only have one or two comments…just couldn’t resist. In fact, I’ll start it off.)

Hot dogs should never be underestimated. Perhaps there IS a difference between a hot dog, and a weiner. Exactly what is IN a hot dog? Are they worth even posting pictures of? Has ketchup ever been put on a Weiner? What was the biggest hot dog on record?

Go ahead…take it!

June 10, 2011 Posted by | humor | , | 3 Comments

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