Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Nobody’s Perfect: America VS Moldova

Nobody’s Perfect

 It wouldn’t be summer without hot dogs and beer, and this week we have a tie: What country gets grosser by the minute? America, or Moldova?
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America can eat more hot dogs than any other nation: Moldova, a country stuck between Romania, and the Ukraine, can out drink any nation, even their neighbors. In fact, Moldova is drunker than even South Korea, who by all standards, wakes up drunk. In Moldova, the average person drinks 4.81 gallons of alcohol a year. Both countries hold records, of dubious talents: that of getting drunk, and that of eating the most hot dogs at once. And after you consider the nutritional value of a hot dog, as compared to a beer, it’s a hard decision.
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Which is better for you?
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Man has been getting drunk since Adam first dropped Eve in a batch of grapes, after he ate the apple. Hot dogs were invented to get rid of all the junk and waste that the meat packers were throwing away. One day, some guy said, “Hey Joe…let’s take all these guts and stuff them, dye em’ red, and sell em’ at the ball parks!” The fans got thirsty from eating all those hot dogs, and drank more beer. It was a win/win situation for capitalism.
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The beer and hot dog moguls got together to make sure that everyone in America got hooked on hot dogs and beer, at every sporting events. In fact, the stadiums were built around the beer and hot dog franchises, and before you know it, now, when you go to the ball park, you are paying more for the hot dogs and beer than for the ticket. Two beers and two hot dogs? Cost: $2,440.52. Ticket? $40.00 dollars.
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Moldova tried the same idea. They make stuffed cabbage for their main meal, which is just about as horrible as eating 62 hot dogs in ten minutes…so they have to drink lots of alcohol not only to drown the taste, but to make them forget they ever ate it.  Therefore BECAUSE stuffed cabbage is much worse than a hot dog, which if piled with enough ketchup, mustard, onions and pickle relish…is rather tasty, nobody is leaning to the Americans for sheer tenacity of inventiveness. All the condiments make you forget about the hot dog, and this actually brings a much more exhilarating experience.
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Try putting ketchup on stuffed cabbage. Yuk.
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If you’ve never watched the Nathan’s famous eating hot dog contest on Coney Island, held every year on the fourth of July, take it from one who has.—Don’t watch it. You might not eat the rest of the day, or even, till the next July 4th. Some guy named Chestnut ate 62 hot dogs this year,  and now he is floating somewhere in New York harbor, wishing he had cabbage and sausage for lunch.
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That’s why America is going to win this. NOBODY can rip America’s money away from their innocent hands like another greedy American! We have the art perfected. If the CEO’s in Moldova were smart, they’d stuff a hot dog with cabbage, smother it in mustard, and have a contest, to see how many people watching can even bear witness to the event.
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But they will NEVER beat the American’s for sheer grossness, because WE keep can take our shirts off too!
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And Americans can eat hot dogs and drink beer at the same time, and get really drunk while doing it.
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Try that Moldova!

July 5, 2011 Posted by | humor, Life | , | 2 Comments

Nobody Flashes On the 4th

Nobody Flashes

This is my FAVORITE holiday.

If you HAPPEN to be British, I bet your indulgence.

Now, because I have to go cook my grandmother’s german potato salad (which takes, 7 hours) I plan to keep up the great American tradition of waving flags, and wearing flag t-shirts, and flag hats, and flag earrings, and waking up tomorrow and watching the fireworks tomorrow night. I don’t even want to go through the current politic landscape for just a few more hours.

Your welcome! (LOL!)

Everyone have a great 4th! And I’ll be thinking of all of you tomorrow night when the music hits the piccolos!

July 4, 2011 Posted by | Life | | 2 Comments

The NEW Human Species

Nobody Wonders

Give a guy a degree and what does he do with it? Do good things to save humanity?

NO! They think humanity is a cesspool of rednecks, and idiots! They want to start over.

Some men want to redesign the whole world. Raymond Kurzweil and Vernor Vinge, two prominent nerd computer wizards have predicted the end of humanity as we know it:

“Within 30 years we will have the means to create superhuman intelligence. Shortly after, the human era will be ended.”

Great news! We don’t HAVE to pay off our debt! I’ve got over $320,000 credit left on my credit cards…where shall we go?

You would think both these guys would be very depressed about this stuff, but no. They think letting the computer take over human minds is a wonderful thing. Look what it’s done for Egypt!

To which Nobody notes: Does that mean you will allow the computer to plug into your head too, Mr. Wizards? The question is: will all the men who THINK they are superhuman let themselves be plugged into AT&T?

I hope so.

And even if the computer driven brain is not something to be desired…don’t worry, the computers will take over the humans because they will be just so much smarter than man. Somehow, someone should tell them, SOME man will mess their dreams all up, and it might be them!

And then you have the George Church’s of the world. George is fooling around with human DNA and proclaims that, unlike nature, where it take thousands, even millions of year to develop a new species, Church could do it with one shotgun blast of new genes. What good could possibly come of this?

Will they make a “blue” species of people to grab more welfare money? And what politician would pay Church to make them half woman and half man and then be able to reproduce with “itself”? Or even lay eggs?

Creating a new species will deem many problems. We will have to have new species rights of course. Anyone making fun of the new species will be sent to jail for at least ten years.

But, back to Weiner…if Wiener had been plugged into the “network” then every computer on the planet would have received a picture of his pride and joy, and somebody could have downloaded a nasty virus back to him, and saved us all from seeing any repeats of his anatomy in the future.  Just think…no more Weiner photos!

As for developing new species…I’ve SEEN their ugly flowers. Don’t get me started on Monsanto.

It’s funny…the liberals are always screaming about how we need to protect mother nature before it’s too late, but they are the FIRST ones to muck it up. Hopefully,they will keep their DNA, computer brain experiments among themselves, and then one day, the real people can take over again, and put them all on the endangered list of; Circuit Breaker Elite Human Number One is NOT compatible with Man.

Sorry….but we WILL build you nice apartments in the inner cities, or send you all to the outback of Australia.

REAL people, do not discriminate, do we?

And in that case, I suggest nominating me to take care of all “new species” patents.

What?

 

 

 

July 2, 2011 Posted by | conspiracy, disasters, science | 3 Comments

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