Nobody’s Perfect: Detroit VS St. Louis

Nobody’s Perfect

This week, we have two mid-western cities to compete against each other for the Nobody’s Perfect award of the week: The City of Detroit VS the City of St. Louis. Or the City of Cars VS the City of Beer, which nether city manufactures anymore.  (Internationally owned beer companies do NOT count.)

Let’s begin:

Detroit:

As reported on the Drudge report, Detroit can barely keep it’s city lights on. The once thriving automobile manufacturing center of the United States is so bankrupt, it not only cannot keep it lights on, it can’t fix the broken ones. By some estimates over 50 percent of the city’s lights have been broken, or pillaged for their metal. Added on to this lovely heaven of darkness given to the hard-core criminals, you have an unemployment record so egregious that if Jimmy Hoffa knew, he would come out of his cement grave to throw hit men as big as Jubba the Hut at the CEO’s fat heads. Henry Ford would crawl out of his Model T and get his friend Thomas Edison to shut down the whole city, and move everyone to Ft. Myers, Florida and start over.

Too bad we can’t resurrect them. (When are they going to get on that cloning?)

From the Detroit News:

Like many swaths of the city, the historic Indian Village neighborhood has remained largely dark at night after vandals destroyed transformers in nearly every streetlight pole that powers them.  On a recent rainy day, Wicks, 64, a retired GM engineer who has lived in Detroit for decades, watched as city Public Lighting workers put new transformers at the top of the aging wooden poles. Just days later, those streetlights were out — again.

BUT…crime is down in Detroit. No longer do the locals run out on Halloween and set fire to buildings. They now have better things to do, like play video games on their giant HD TV that they got because Obama gave them all money. Detroit was once the most dangerous city in the United States, but no more…that fine badge of honor has now been passed to the city of St. Louis.

St. Louis:

Yes, St. Louis is considered the most dangerous city in the United State and I can tell you for a fact, that if you are looking for drugs and are stupid enough to go downtown at night, it won’t matter how many lights are on, you will be shot. They will even smile up at the many camera’s and wave while they’re shooting you. Our city is proud to have great lights, it’s North County St. Louis, where I now reside, that is losing its lights because that’s where all the people from the City moved to.

Are you kidding? The only thing downtown is the arch, the baseball stadium, and when the moon is right…drunks looking to get over to Illinois.(They can only see by moonlight,)

All the blacks from the city moved to North County, (and the whites moved out) and it’s here that we have a  problem that hasn’t seem to hit Detroit…wild packs of dogs—who will not only will rip your throat out, you will become a bucket of KFC for the whole family.  Cousins of Michael Vicks’ family must live here, because most of these dogs are BIG dogs. And therefore the kids can’t walk to school or home without carrying some kind of golf club or rocket launcher.

A young boy was attacked and nearly eaten alive by wild dogs in North St. Louis. City leaders are scrambling to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Aldermanic President Lewis Reed is sounding the alarm. “I’ve witnessed packs of dogs, 10 and 15 dogs running together, and I’ve seen all these dogs I’m talking about they don’t have collars, they don’t have tags, these are truly wild dogs.” he said.

Nobody wants to know: Well, Lewis…are you going to do anything about it? Oh, I forgot, the human society was closed due to loss of city funding.

Nobody Knows that it’s a hard decision: Which town is more…worthy of its declining reputation? On the one hand, Detroit’s darkness leads to a safe haven for anyone who wants to steal more metal from light poles…and whatever else they can find.

On the other hand, St. Louis has monster dogs, that can attack you anytime of the day or night. Some might say you are safer inside your house with these attack dogs prowling your neighborhood, but then again..wasp spray is pretty cheap.

Nobody suggests a solution to the lights and the dogs.  

Detroit just gave a jobs fair for all the ex- cons who were looking for work. In fact, prisons all over the United States are letting out their population because feeding someone three great meals a day, with cable, phone, and a master’s degree is money better spent overseas giving children time in Afghanistan schools in which to study Islam. We just sent 46 million to Uganda…come on! And that was last year!

Africa needs the money more than the people in Detroit. You know that.

Nobody Thinks someone should start a business to hire ex-cons to catch the dogs, train the dogs, and walk the dangerous neighborhoods at night to keep us all safe.

The cops can’t be everywhere.

As a bonus..Muslims HATE dogs, and who needs lights when you have a growling barking dog?

With the money you’d save…you’d have the lights back on in no time. OR..you’d have ex-cons taking over both cities with their trained dog packs. At that point the company CEO would start sending the dogs overseas and the ex-cons would be out of a job again.

Okay Joyanna…what’s plan B?

I’m working on it.  

So who won the contest?

St. Louis, because the Cardinals made the World Series and the Tigers didn’t, which was a very good thing because they do NOT HAVE ANY LIGHTS. They had to lose.

(And because Nobody lives here.)

There’s always next year, Detroit…but… don’t get your hopes up.

October 17, 2011 - Posted by Joyanna Adams | American Culture, corruption, economy | American Culture, Detroit, Economy, global government, Humor, St. Louis