Joyanna Adams

Nobody’s Perfect: Turkey VS Apple Juice

Nobody’sPerfect:

THE TURKEY: Right before the Thanksgiving holidays, Pamela Geller, who by all accounts is in most respects a sensible woman, warned the alarm that every American that eats a Butterball Turkey is in…danger. Unbeknownst to us, only the Butterball Turkeys are being “blessed” for their journey to be with 72 turkey virgins in heaven:

Halal slaughter involves cutting the trachea, the esophagus, and the jugular vein, and letting the blood drain out while saying “Bismillah allahu akbar” — in the name of Allah the greatest.

You can imagine the despair! Butterball turkeys have been served in my family since they started MAKING Butterball Turkeys. And the reason why we have preferred Butterball Turkeys to any other Turkey is because, all you have to do is put it in a pan, salt it, cook it, baste it, and VIOLA! Soft, tender, moist…and any fool can do it.

Also, the woman in my family are from a long line of..of…let’s just say we all cooked pretty much like Curly. So the less thinking involved in preparing the meal, the better. We’d spend hours arguing how exactly to boil water.

Okay, I’m confused. You have to kill the turkey to eat right? So, for that part, I think Pamela should either take it up with PETA (who are already on this) or try to turn us all into vegetarians because, you have to kill to eat any meat.

Unless of course, you like to hang out around the highway.

It’s the “blessing” Allahu Akbar that has her upset. And I agree. If you are going to include Muslim prayers then by golly, they should include Christian prayers, Hindu Prayers, Wicken prayers, and throw in some voodoo on top of it. After all, this is all about diversity is it not? Think of that poor turkey being condemned to abide in some Muslim hellhole with other jihadists who do nothing but continue the Bismillah blessing on his esophagus throughout centuries of purgatory! A Christian Turkey heaven would have him walking with peacocks, and in a Hindu heaven he could reincarnate into a politician…maybe even President! We’ve all seen it happen before.

I see her point. But last week didn’t stop with the bad news…no…we had bad —

APPLE JUICE:

ABC News reported that Consumer Reports tested 88 samples of popular brands of grape and apple juice sold in the U.S., including Welch’s, Minute Maid and Mott’s. The results revealed that 10 percent of the juices “had total arsenic levels greater than the FDA’s standard for drinking water of 10 parts per billion (ppb), while 25 percent of juices also had lead levels higher than the FDA’s bottled water limit of 5 ppb.” To our detriment, the FDA has limits for arsenic in water (including bottled), but no such regulations on fruit juices. Oz reported that apple concentrate comes from up to seven countries – 60 percent of it imported from China alone. –Chuck Norris

It’s really an imperfect world. It’s bad enough that they put fluoride in our water, and NOW we find out, since that doesn’t seem to be doing enough damage, they are putting arsenic in our apple juice, without the pretty lace.

Yes, our children are being poisoned by China, with the help of our FDA..who..say…they MIGHT look into it. I’d say that arsenic in our food, and mercury in our light bulbs..means SOME PEOPLE are trying to get kill US..forget the turkeys. They will eventually outlive us. We’ll all be dead.

They want to get rid of us..slowly. I mean…really…is this what they mean when they say we will all have to sacrifice?

Nobody is boycotting apple juice because I drank gallons of it last year, due to the fact that I had gall bladder surgery. Oh yes. When you have a rotten gall bladder they tell you to drink tons and tons and tons of apple juice….so I did.

And now, I find out why it works! It’s pretty much melts your insides. Maybe I should have made a cocktail of apple juice, coke and a menthol, and saved myself from an expensive surgery.

I did NOT buy a Butterball Turkey this year, but not because somebody stupid is making employees bless them with nonsense, but because—THEY ARE TOO DAMN EXPENSIVE!

So, who won the Nobody’s Perfect award for this week?

My favorite stooge…Curly, because that man cannot cook…I thought I was bad.  I at least know enough to open the can before inserting it.

December 5, 2011 - Posted by Joyanna Adams | humor, Just life, Uncategorized | corruption, FDA, globalization, Humor, Islam