Nobody’s Thoughts on Lincoln’s Home

Nobody Flashes

Just a short report on my visit to the Lincoln Presidential Museum in Springfield, IL.

Lincoln’s Bed

The local maps…are a joke. They have all the sights and only a few main streets, and we got lost about 40 times. Ask directions.

We kept hearing that Lincoln was a poor man: Nevertheless, he managed to own a house which by all accounts, would be considered upper middle class in 2014.

It contains the ugliest wall paper this side of the Atlantic.

Lincoln was the best dad a kid could have, the kids could play baseball in the living room.

He liked to torture himself. For instance, this was the desk in his bedroom. My only conclusion is he took off his legs to sit down.

WHY the local citizens decided to build the rest of his neighborhood is beyond all reason. Go to Main Street in Disneyland, it’s much more entertaining.

Not even George Washington has had more books written about him.

Abe’s Desk

Do NOT…I repeat, DO NOT, wear any symbol of the American flag on your person or you will be followed around the city by big, burly, men packing weapons and looking mean.

The Capitol building where the representatives of Illinois come together has more marble than probably the Vatican. Of course, nobody was there, leaving the billions of dollars worth of marble, looking very lonely.

Capitol

The Governor’s mansion has lots of democratic parties. (For the looters in Ferguson) let me inform you that the chandeliers alone are worth, about as much as the Mona Liza. They will also tell you that this mansion is the biggest in the nation. right. sure.

The best part of the visit was the museum itself. Disney helped and so, you could see Mary’s various dresses, and a room of political cartoons that made you sick because they made it into a fun house, and five politicians in 3D holograms yelling at you about how Lincoln was a black lover, or put it more succinctly, it was like having Al Sharpton and Harry Reid on each side of your head, yelling at you in Chinese. VERY effective to make you want to GET OUT of the museum.

We didn’t go see Spielberg’s props, as they wanted more money.

In the Library, they have given a cast of Lincoln’s hand to a few very famous people: Bill Clinton, Steven Spielberg, and The Pope. By the way….Lincoln had VERY tiny hands. Big feet, and evidently, a blond girlfriend.

Lincoln’s Family

At the end of the day, because it was rush hour, we finally made it to his tomb, which is HUGE! But, don’t make the mistake that it’s just a grave. You can go into it, and walk for what seems miles, into an endless underground maze of….MORE marble, and then you come upon his big marble coffin. His family is on the other side.

So, what did I learn? If our government spent even a ‘smidgen’ of the taxpayer’s money they put into building themselves monuments and Presidential libraries, and instead, spend it on the people, we would not own China one penny.

Italy is going to sink from lack of marble.

Besides all of that, I had a great day!

PS. My husband would like to add: “What was a Muslim, doing at the tomb?”

Answer: Looking for her emancipator.

Abe’s Tomb

August 18, 2014 - Posted by Joyanna Adams | History, humor | History, Humor