Cantagion: Idiot’s Guide to a Pandemic

Nobody Cares

Not since the bird flu pandemic (did you get it?) have we needed another movie to remind us all, that at any moment, the earth’s population could be cut in half with a virus. It could spread so fast, that within months, body bags would run out, and the best thing to do would be to stay in your house, and pray someone with a gun doesn’t break in and kill you for your food.

Or eat you for food.

My husband and I needed a reprieve from the fact that we didn’t have money to go on a vacation, and we thought, “Surely we can go to a flick.” since the Bahamas was out of the question.

Everyone else must have been in the Bahamas because we were the only ones there. And that’s in the WHOLE movie theater which has 18 huge cinemas and an IMAX.  

(Nobody is making this up… not this time.)

 I suggested we go see Contagion, because we both like Matt Daman. Nobody has a theory that movie stars come onto the scene in very popular conservatives movies, grab the loyalty of the diehard intelligent people they need to change, and then..turn into liberal idiots. Then we are all totally surprised that they have cauliflower for brains.

Matt Damon stared in the Borne Identity movies, which are all great. He then came out just recently and started talking about unions and how much we need them. (I’d better stop right now, because in my head I can think of dozens of entertainers who have always promoted the old conservative themes, and then came out flaming red, and insulting the very people who go to see their films.)

Dozens.

“Red is the color that my baby wore, and once more it’s true…yes it is.” Sorry, I had a Beatle moment.

So, back to the movie. Matt Damon plays the main character whose wife catches a deadly virus when she was in Hong Kong, and then infects a lot of people at a casino and the whole world becomes infected. People can’t get the vaccines except by lottery, in other words, it shows you what would happen if there really was an outbreak. Marshall Law is moved in right away. And get this: the real scientists of the world claim this movie is right on track.

As far as movies goes, this one was just okay. My husband was severely disappointed because he was expecting Zombies.(BIG Zombie lover) I wanted to see it because I suspected it was going to be another “lesson.”

Nobody Thinks I was right.

It was more like a…you know, this might happen, and the government and Homeland Security will take years to get out the vaccines, but in the end it will be done, because they are all good people.  Elites will get it first. People, will die. But, that’s life folks.

Okay—Nobody prefers the government conspiracy movies, but there were no government conspiracies in this movie. At the end, all the suspicions that this virus was some kind of germ warfare was put to rest when the camera zooms in on a bat, and a pig…the real culprits. Honest…last scene. That’s your lesson.

The scene that upset me the most is when a government guy (Played by Lawrence) decided that maybe putting the vaccine in the water would be a good idea, because they did put fluoride in it for our benefit. I’ve read too much about the harmful side effects of fluoride to go there.  

I know, you may say that at this point in my life that Nobody is getting too suspicious. Nobody reasons that the more you know, the more you see, and the less you can enjoy it. This happened to me long ago when I took Art Appreciation in college. I got an A, and then every time I looked at a painting afterwards, I would dissect it…I could tell you who did it, what period it was from, HOW they painted it..etc.. Then one day, I realized…I simply did not enjoy the beauty of art any longer. I couldn’t look at a simple sunset without going into all the details in my mind.

It was…annoying.

So, I forgot everything I knew about it,—on purpose. It took me years to forget it, I had to unlearn what I had learned.  Nobody Thinks I’m becoming so good at spotting all the propaganda in everything now, that I find it hard to enjoy movies anymore. I know millions of others probably feel the same way.  

But this time, I will be saved from myself by mother nature. Someday, I won’t remember where I put the car keys OR the car. I won’t remember ever seeing this movie, because the govenment after reading this,  will make sure I get an extra dose of floride in my water.

Despite the movie, we had a great box of buttered popcorn, a theater all to ourselves, and then came home and ducked taped the windows.  (just kidding)

Really, if you can just enjoy a movie without thinking…it’s really…okay.

Good thing money is tight right now:  According to this movie, it very well could have been me that walked into a casino in the Bahamas and then I would have ended up being the one to kill the world with a virus from a banana, dropped by a monkey who had had sex with a pig,  into my margarita.

I’m just saying….

October 12, 2011 Posted by Joyanna Adams | conspiracy, humor, Natural Disasters | China, Homeland Security, Humor, Matt Damon, Movies, Pandemics | 1 Comment