Why the World is Filled With Dumb Blonds

Nobody Remembers

I was going to remember that the United Nations was started on this day, in 1945, and that today Brazil, France and Germany are appealing to the U.N. to stop Obama from spying on them.

But that would make a very boring story.

So, I’m going to tell a short story about baseball.

First: I had great parents. My parents were so trusting that when I was 17, I drove to Snowmass, Colorado all by myself. In fact I went all over the country by myself.  I’m not sure if it’s because they knew they couldn’t tame me, or if they were just hoping I’d met some rich guy,  (Probably a little of both.) But, when it came to men, sometimes I was just dense. I just didn’t see them being attracted to me at all. And so I married the first guy who wanted to marry me, because I didn’t think I’d ever get another chance.

Yeah, low self-esteem comes in buckets.

So of course that marriage lasted all of one year and three months. This story comes, right after the painful divorce. I was pretty lonely so I got hooked on baseball. I always went to the game by myself, only because, I’ve never really had girlfriends. I would work at night as a drummer, (in all guy bands) and during the day, I would go to the games. And I got hooked.

On the game of baseball.

Anyway, to make a long story short, here in St. Louis, Busch stadium was downtown, and I do remember one night, in the middle of July, the game lasted until midnight, and when a game runs overtime, you have a lot of drunks walking to the parking lot. It was a hot summer night, and I was in my usual short-shorts, which would bring cat-calls, and frankly, I was scared to walk to my car. It was just a gut feeling. After all, East St. Louis, is just a kick away from downtown.

So, I went to the nearest hotel bar. I thought, if I sat there long enough, the drunks would leave, and I’d have a safer chance once the crowd had cleared out. I’d rather walk in an empty parking lot and take my chances with the shadows.

After about 15 minutes, the bar started filling up with players…from the Dodgers. I was pretty shy around ball players..and so I tried to keep to myself. As I sat at the bar, a very distinguish older gentlemen sat next to me and started to talk. After about five minutes I told him I was only hanging around because I was scared to walk to my car.

“I’ll walk you to your car.” he said in a very jolly voice.

So, since he had told me he was actually the official Dodgers Team radio commentator, on the road for the Dodgers, ( and he was famous…he told me that.) I figured he had to be safe.

“Really, would you?:  I said….”That would be great.”

So, we walked through the parking lot and got to the car, and I drove him back to the hotel, and then he said, “Hey, park here and come on in for another drink.”

Now, I’m not sure why I did, but looking back on it, I was flattered that someone famous had even been so nice to me, and I figured one drink was no big deal.  It’s not like I thought he was expecting anything else but conversation.  As I remember, he was pretty much the gentleman the whole time.

So back in we walked, and to my surprised, the whole room of ballplayers started laughing. He went over and said something to a few of them with a big grin on his face, and came back.

“So, why are all the guys laughing at you?” I asked.

“They wanted to know if I screwed you.” He said. “So I told them I did.”

To say I was embarrassed—– To say I was shocked, will let you know how much I trusted people to have decency, and what a dumb blond I really was. Boy, did I feel stupid.

The reality is, baseball players not only do steroids, but they spend many long nights on the road, and many of them have wives, and many of them screw around, and I knew that…but I really didn’t think that the radio star would want to tell an old high school lie. After all, Jack Buck would never do that now…would he?

Judge it or not, I thought the guy was a real creep for doing that…and I felt sorry that he had to lie to even make those young players actually think some young thing wanted to ‘do’ it with him for a walk to her car.

I told him he had no class, blushed, and walked out.

Now I look back on that and feel sorry for the man. Clearly, he was having a hard time competing with the young ball players and he made up a lie just to impress them.

And what is even funnier, is he TOLD me what he said to them.

I wish my father had told me the tricks that men pull. But then again, I don’t think any father will. I think they should teach their daughters how to shoot a gun, how to box, and all the tricks that men play.

But….they keep their mouths shut for all eternity. And that, in my Nobody Humble Opinion, is why the world is filled with dumb blonds.

(Okay, so this was not a baseball story. It’s just one I remember. Funny how you remember all the times you were stupid, isn’t it? )

October 24, 2013 Posted by Joyanna Adams | baseball, Life, Uncategorized | Baseball, life | Leave a comment