Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Nobody’s Perfect: America VS Moldova

Nobody’s Perfect

 It wouldn’t be summer without hot dogs and beer, and this week we have a tie: What country gets grosser by the minute? America, or Moldova?
 ***
America can eat more hot dogs than any other nation: Moldova, a country stuck between Romania, and the Ukraine, can out drink any nation, even their neighbors. In fact, Moldova is drunker than even South Korea, who by all standards, wakes up drunk. In Moldova, the average person drinks 4.81 gallons of alcohol a year. Both countries hold records, of dubious talents: that of getting drunk, and that of eating the most hot dogs at once. And after you consider the nutritional value of a hot dog, as compared to a beer, it’s a hard decision.
 ***
Which is better for you?
 ***
Man has been getting drunk since Adam first dropped Eve in a batch of grapes, after he ate the apple. Hot dogs were invented to get rid of all the junk and waste that the meat packers were throwing away. One day, some guy said, “Hey Joe…let’s take all these guts and stuff them, dye em’ red, and sell em’ at the ball parks!” The fans got thirsty from eating all those hot dogs, and drank more beer. It was a win/win situation for capitalism.
 ***
The beer and hot dog moguls got together to make sure that everyone in America got hooked on hot dogs and beer, at every sporting events. In fact, the stadiums were built around the beer and hot dog franchises, and before you know it, now, when you go to the ball park, you are paying more for the hot dogs and beer than for the ticket. Two beers and two hot dogs? Cost: $2,440.52. Ticket? $40.00 dollars.
 ***
Moldova tried the same idea. They make stuffed cabbage for their main meal, which is just about as horrible as eating 62 hot dogs in ten minutes…so they have to drink lots of alcohol not only to drown the taste, but to make them forget they ever ate it.  Therefore BECAUSE stuffed cabbage is much worse than a hot dog, which if piled with enough ketchup, mustard, onions and pickle relish…is rather tasty, nobody is leaning to the Americans for sheer tenacity of inventiveness. All the condiments make you forget about the hot dog, and this actually brings a much more exhilarating experience.
 ***
Try putting ketchup on stuffed cabbage. Yuk.
 ***
If you’ve never watched the Nathan’s famous eating hot dog contest on Coney Island, held every year on the fourth of July, take it from one who has.—Don’t watch it. You might not eat the rest of the day, or even, till the next July 4th. Some guy named Chestnut ate 62 hot dogs this year,  and now he is floating somewhere in New York harbor, wishing he had cabbage and sausage for lunch.
 ***
That’s why America is going to win this. NOBODY can rip America’s money away from their innocent hands like another greedy American! We have the art perfected. If the CEO’s in Moldova were smart, they’d stuff a hot dog with cabbage, smother it in mustard, and have a contest, to see how many people watching can even bear witness to the event.
 ***
But they will NEVER beat the American’s for sheer grossness, because WE keep can take our shirts off too!
***
And Americans can eat hot dogs and drink beer at the same time, and get really drunk while doing it.
***
Try that Moldova!

July 5, 2011 Posted by | humor, Life | , | 2 Comments

Nobody Flashes On the 4th

Nobody Flashes

This is my FAVORITE holiday.

If you HAPPEN to be British, I bet your indulgence.

Now, because I have to go cook my grandmother’s german potato salad (which takes, 7 hours) I plan to keep up the great American tradition of waving flags, and wearing flag t-shirts, and flag hats, and flag earrings, and waking up tomorrow and watching the fireworks tomorrow night. I don’t even want to go through the current politic landscape for just a few more hours.

Your welcome! (LOL!)

Everyone have a great 4th! And I’ll be thinking of all of you tomorrow night when the music hits the piccolos!

July 4, 2011 Posted by | Life | | 2 Comments

Nobody Wants to Know: Where Are the Hover Cars?.

Nobody Knows…

Do I want to talk about Obama and his great, “We must get those nasty rich guys with corporate jets and TAX them before we have to cut the weatherman, and the food inspectors, and maybe not be able to give all those Mexicans student loans as I have promised.'” …speech?

NO! Nobody wants to talk about the very happy state I’m in because I have finally found a flying craft that I can afford! I have everything I need…a blower, a shower curtain,—duck tape., and a chair.

AND…since all the malls are now nothing but empty parking lots, I’ve got clearance for takeoff! All it needs is some yellow paint.

Tell me, why are not all the kids in our school system, not making these for science projects? And just think how it would work on the moon..and tell me, if this simple technology works with a simple chair, why in the world are we not developing cars that hover?

We must ask Obama. All he did today was blame the Republicans for not pushing HIS agenda through Congress. And then after the speech, all kinds of Congressmen came running out to the mikes saying, “Well, we’re staying through the July 4th holiday to work on this!!

Oh gee…what a better place to be on the 4th. In the Capitol, with primetime seats to one of the best fireworks in the nation.

They really suffer don’t they?

Well, I’m not letting them spoil my fun.

 

June 29, 2011 Posted by | Life | | Leave a comment

Nobody Cares About Tattoos


Nobody Cares

Tattoo: Just say the word to me, and I cringe. I would never in a million years want to let somebody drive nails and ink into my skin to permanently color it with something that I might be ashamed of at eighty, or even—next month. I could just imagine someone looking at my corpse and saying– “Check it out…she has a tattoo of a flower, a dragon…wait…here’s another one…looks like it says…JAW..what’s that? Just Add Water? What’s that mean? Crimmie…ugly old bitch.”

Nope, as fun as it looks when some of my girlfriends lift their ankles or necks, or whatever, to show me their latest wonderful fashion, I usually say, “That’s cool!” because who am I to judge?

Whatever makes you happy.

Look around you and you will see, there are many happy people with tattoos, especially in Hollywood. Once, only the criminals wore them, but now they are the fashion among the rich and famous.
And they come in as many shapes and meanings as you can imagine. Nordic, dragons, symbols, flowers, animals, and swastikas. Some people get carried away and tattoo their whole body, like Jesse James.
One guy went so far as to tattoo “No Fear” on his head, and so every time he went into a bar, someone decided to put fear right back into him. Nobody thinks he should have tattooed on his head, “No brains.” but then again, that’s why I’m a nobody.

Then there was a guy who tattooed “LETS FUCK” on his knuckles so when he would just put his knuckles together and give any girl he liked the message. Where am I getting this stuff? From a wonderful book called “Life at the Bottom,” which was written by a British Doctor named Theodore Dalrymple. He has a theory of how to spot “bad” guys right away. Look for the tattoos.

I first formulated my viral theory of criminality when I noticed that at least nine of ten white English prisoners are tattooed. more than three of four times the proportion the general population. This statistical association of crime with tattooing is stronger, I feel certain, than between crime and any other single factor, with the possible exception of smoking. Virtually all English criminals are smokers, a fact that sociologist have also unaccountably overlooked. When asked why they inflict these marks of Cain upon themselves, the tattooed cite pressure from their peers and boredom. Perhaps the pain of it reassures them they are alive: it hurts, therefore I am.–Dr. Dalrymple

Historically speaking, tattoos have been around since the caveman. Captain Cook’s naturalists noted the fashion on the Samoan…and they have always been a favorite of the military…which brings me to my story:

What, you KNEW there would be a story…didn’t you?

Right after my husband (my second) and I got married, we took my son (from another marriage) on vacation to the Great Smokey Mountains. Since my son was fourteen, every day was filled with bumper cars, video games, bumper cars…putt-putt, bumper cars…and I started to feel a bit left out. We only had enough money for THEM to go on the bumper cars. Yes,..even though I don’t mind watching others have fun, I had done a lifetime of that with my son before my new husband came along. I was ready for the woods. You know, hiking…and hiking…and maybe seeing a few bears, but no…I got more bumper cars. I had just gotten about too bored around the fourth day, when my new husband decided he wanted to get a tattoo. Like a good sailor he already had one on his bicep—an Eagle, with his nickname on it..BRU. If I had talked to the good doctor Dalrymple at the time, I would have been probably thinking…Ummmm… but off he went.

And came back out with a great big, flying eagle on his chest. And I, was hurt. Yes, there I was, married only a few days, and I was following around a boy and a man having the best time of their lives..buddies. There was no romance whatsoever.  When he got back from the tattoo place the first time, I said, “HEY…you mean you didn’t put MY name anywhere?” if you had read his many love letters, you would said the same thing.

After a few hours of more bumper cars, he decided he would go back and get my name on his chest. BUT…and here’s the catch, he had a big, bad, red sunburn on his chest. His whole front was the color of a ripe tomato, but off he went.  After a few hours, he came back to the hotel room, bragging about how he withstood the pain…just to prove, that EVEN though it was against every single fiber in his body, he did it.

What did he do?
It was I who decided what he had to do. “Have the Eagle holding a chain, at the end of the chain put a heart with my name in it. ”

Guilt is a wonderful thing. It can make a man go back to a tattoo shop and put a heart with his new wife’s name in it, while suffering the pain of needle on burnt skin.

Now ask me, do I feel guilty about it? FORCING the man to put my name on his tattoo?
Nope. I’d had a whole week of being the “go get this, go get that.” and deep inside I thought, maybe this guy doesn’t love me but the life I can bring to him.
Better be sure.

Later on in life he really wanted to put my whole face on his back…which I thought was really sick. I won on that account again. I’ll be damned if some guy in some morgue is going to be looking at my husband’s back someday and saying “Why in the WORLD would he put that creepy looking broad on his back?” As it is now, some morgue guy will look at his corpse, see the huge flying eagle with the heart and chain,, and say…”Wow…cool tattoo.”

I like the thought of an eagle carrying my name. It’s about as close to mortality as I’m ever going to get.

And what would the good Doctor say about that?
He would say: “That’s life at the bottom!”

June 29, 2011 Posted by | Life | | 3 Comments

Nobody Reflects on Fathers

Nobody’s Opinion

When I woke up this morning, I was telling myself to write something for all the fathers who read me. After all, it was Father’s Day and at least two that I know of are really great dads. (amfortas and Doug Powers) But nothing was coming to me. Somehow, to say, “Happy Father’s Day” was just so…trite. Unworthy…not good enough: and then, with a call from my son, we found out that we had quite a ways to travel to meet at the restaurant we all wanted to go to.
So..off we went— no column.

During dinner, my brother showed up, with a young boy named Cody, who he has basically been a father to since he was born, being as his mother was a single parent. There is not a weekend or day goes by that my brother is not doing something with him. Cody had just got his permit, and my brother was teaching him how to drive, as he had once done with my son. My brother had lost his first and only son, Justin, ( the sweetest of angels) about a year after he was born, and it literally torn him up. He never wanted to go through it again, so it was decided, no more children.

During dinner, Gary (my brother) started talking about how he had taught my son, Brett, how to crawl. He would put the Pepsi can just out of his reach and say, “Come on…you can do it!” And Brett (my son) would rock back and forth, grunting as babies do… finally getting up and crawling to the can, where my brother would give him a sip, and start it all over again.

Nowadays, that might get you arrested as child abuse.

I couldn’t stop laughing as he was telling this story, because my brother Gary uses body language, and it became even more hysterical when he was talking about my son’s first Christmas, and made he made the same faces that my son made when he first came into the room, which was stocked full of toys. Imitating one-year-old Brett…Gary sort of went into facial convulsions, showing so much stunning emotions, that I’m sure the waiters were wondering if they should cut him off.  (By the way, he doesn’t drink.) Gary swears he has this on film.

“You’re mother went a little overboard.” he told my son, who was busy eating some kind of pasta.

Let me interject here, in case your wondering,— my first husband basically took off before my son was one. So my brother and my father became his “dads.”

Gary then went on to brag about Cody’s pitching. And I remember, how my dad had coached a little league baseball team, and his son (Gary) was the star pitcher. My father’s brother (Named after Dizzy Dean) had been on a minor league Cardinal team, so my dad knew a lot about the sport. And now, all these years later, my brother had been passing down, what our father had taught him about baseball.  And his pride in Cody, a star pitcher, was the pride of any father.

I was seeing my dad’s face on my brother’s, as I listened to him talk. I remember my father’s face so many times…just beaming with pride when my brother did something great…which was pretty much all of the time.
When my father smiled, he lit up the room like a volcano.

As we were leaving, my son said, “I’m going to go home and watch the U.S. Open. Go watch it mom, there is a young kid better than Tiger Woods.” Wanting to be “up” on my son’s interest, I did watch it, and was touched by this young Irish boy, Rory, Mcllroy, only 22, winning the U.S. Open, and grabbing his father, and saying, “Happy Father’s Day!” in front of the whole world. And I was thinking…you know, Tiger just wasn’t the same after his dad died.

And then it hit me.

My father was there today at our family get together, even though he has been gone for many years now. My dad, had gotten my son literally HOOKED on golf. He had him putting when he was still in diapers. His first word was “ball.” He died when my son was around seven, but before that Brett and his grandfather would play eighteen holes every weekend. He was actually better than Tiger Woods was at five. If my father had lived, it might have been my son winning the U.S. Open today. (Hey…I’m a mother, What do you expect?)

Funny, I didn’t even think about my dad until I got home, and part of him was actaully sitting right in front of me in the booth. Both his son, and his grandson, were products of the love and direction of a great father. He gave them both the ultimate gift: his time, his knowledge, and his love.

My brother now has “two” kids, he really didn’t ask for. He is always there to help my son, and I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I am so proud that my brother is such a decent and loving man, that he has taken a boy that’s not his, and made him his own. I wonder if Cody will appreciate how much my brother does for him, but something tells me…yup.

And the fatherly things he has done for my son, I can never repay.

Now, I’m going to send this to my brother, because I never told him, really, out of all the many talents he has (and he has MANY) being a father is, probably one of his best.
Yes Gary…you are a GREAT dad!

As for the rest of you guys…if you don’t have any kids…go find a kid and get going…what? How are we going to save the world without the fathers?

We won’t.

I hope you all had a great Father’s Day, because, remember…it’s the ONE day of the year, you can pick on mom.

Nobody Flashes:

(The picture is my father, worrying about his premature grandson. It was Brett’s first day home from the hospital, (he was there almost two months) There is something about a man’s stomach that sooths sick babies. Mother’s for all their fat, are just not hot enough. At least that’s my  Nobody Opinion.)

June 20, 2011 Posted by | Life | 4 Comments

And Now, A Word From Our Sponcer!

Nobody Wonders

Okay, big kid that I am I went to the Zoo. What I noticed is that the only animals that didn’t hide from the people were the monkeys. I did not see Weiner.

Can you guess which picture is my favorite?

June 15, 2011 Posted by | Life | | Leave a comment

And Now, Another Word From Our Sponcer…

 Nobody Flashes

This is called Aurora Australis. The picture was taken over Hobart.

It also makes you wonder if you were standing underneath that beautiful display, would you turn on your cellphone?

I’m just saying.

(Thanks to amfortas, who sent this beauty.)

June 2, 2011 Posted by | Life | | 1 Comment

Arab Spring…Coming to Your Men’s Fashion Store Soon

Nobody Cares
Nobody owns as many silly hats as I do, nevertherless…as I look around the world at other people’s hats, I must admit I’m a bit amazed.
Listening to Obama deliver his main theme of the wonderful world of the Arab democracy spring today in London, I couldn’t help wonder if the new fashion statement that they will be trying to get the young men to wear all over the world, so as to honor the new ARAB spring…is going just a bit too far.
Not the Fergie’s daughter didn’t at the Royal Wedding.
If I had to choose, I’d take J. Egar Hoover’s hat over the lot of them. There’s nothing I’d like better than to be a 33 master mason.
Until then, I remain…as you can see…cross-eyed.

May 25, 2011 Posted by | Global Government, Life | , | 9 Comments

Another Word From Our Sponcer…some of it..not so good.

Nobody Knows

It’s the age-old question: If there is a God, why does he let such horrible things happen to innocent people? Take Joplin, Missouri…fifteen minutes was all it took for a tornado to kill over a hundred (and counting) people, and destroy most of the town. (see first pictures) And the weather is not finished. We have been warned, here in Missouri to expect more of the same.
Okay, God has nothing to do with the weather…but you can’t help but feel your heart go into your chest when you see the pictures. You’re first thought is: Are we next?
Today, my husband and I had planned to see the new “Pirates of the Caribbean” at the local mall. On the way over, it was pouring buckets…and as I looked up into the sky and saw the circles of clouds twirling, and watched newly planted young trees bend almost to the ground from the force of the wind,  I keep thinking…”This is NOT typical. ” By the time we got to the Mall, electric for over 46,000 people had been knocked out. So much for the movie.
As I was relaxing on the front porch with the neighbors, waiting for the electric to come back on, we talked about the how the weather had been so strange. The cicada’s were already coming in mass. We had…no answers.
So that’s why I’m staying off politics tonight. Most of us know, that many of the people suffering in the floods and tornadoes will forever suffer, some will never recover. And that’s why, I’m posting some beauty after the beast. (In the PLANTS!) Here are some of my favorite pictures taken by my favorite people. I wish I could say that beautifu waterfall is in my backyard…but…give me a few more downpours here, and it will be. (Thanks to Pattie and Mona)

May 23, 2011 Posted by | Life | | 2 Comments

Why Do the Birds Go On Singing? Don’t they Know, It’s the End of the World?

Nobody Knows

Tomorrow…is the end of the world. Oh…you didn’t know that?

Well, some guy who has predicted the end before when it didn’t happen, (believe me, his name is NOT important) has said the rapture will start, and only 2 percent of the population will be taken up into the sky to be with Jesus. The other 98 percent of us no-good nobodies will have to remain and wait for the devil to come get us. We will be forced to watch old Sean Penn movies and Hillary Clinton speeches in-between earthquakes.

And that’s at the END of our torture!

NEVERTHELESS…I’m prepared. I’ve got a helmet (see picture) just in case Jesus comes for me.

I understand I will have to roll underneath the ground all the way to the holy land from Missouri. Thank GOD it’s still there. Who knows how many rocks, sewer lines, cable lines, tree roots, worms and moles I might roll over on the way. I’m a little worried about crossing underneath the Atlantic, but I will have no choice.

If this is the end, I would like to dedicate this song to you.

If it is NOT the end, then don’t worry, it will come soon enough!

Now, excuse me while I go have some carrot cake to get ready.

Oh yes, enjoy the song and Skeeter’s hairstyle…I did!

May 20, 2011 Posted by | Life | | 2 Comments

Nobody Dances

Nobody Gets MORE Email

 

(If video does not appear…go here.)

Hey…it’s Saturday night, and this is one of my favorite video’s…I USE to teach dancing at Arthur Murry’s when I was around19. And I danced at the Boom-Boom Room on Miami Beach with my brother when I was five. We Danced every Saturday night for $50 bucks a piece. (I wonder where my fifty bucks went?)

Anyway…dancing is in my blood, but I married a man who does not dance…so when I saw this…it hit me hard.

Why am I not dancing? After all, it’s like riding a bike. You’re never too old to do it.

I guess I’ll just have to go put on a few records and dance by myself in the basement.  What do ya think? How can you NOT dance after watching this!

(Thanks to Janet)

May 14, 2011 Posted by | Life | | 2 Comments

Nobody’s Perfect

Nobody’s Perfect:I will not be  posting for a few days due to the fact that some nasty virus has decided to attact  itself to my body.

Doctor says…five days. This is day three.  So, I hope to have something to say about the Prince’s wedding won’t I? Can’t miss that.

Wish me luck!

Joyanna

April 26, 2011 Posted by | Life | | 9 Comments

Falling Down Holes, Climbing To the Moon

Nobody’s Opinion: Somewhere tonight a dead Marine in Afghanistan, is being scrapped off the inside of a Humvee by some other Marine whose job it is to figure out how to get as much as is left of his body back to the morgue…sometimes having to grab it by sticky gobs…looking for notes in pockets and pictures of children, dogs, and cars to send home.
 
While I think about this, I glanced down at my dog, who sits at full attention, waiting for me to give her the last of the glass of milk that I am enjoying…she’s getting old, but when it comes to milk, she has the look of a young puppy.
 
These two scenes..a young man far away, blown up for a reason not many of us really know anything about, and myself here— sitting comfortable in my little room…leaves me feeling like Alice falling down a hole, only to come out the other side and floating off into space. I don’t want him to be there. I don’t want some mother to lose her child to a country whose government has been captured by elite oligarchs who send boys into battle and for which they no longer care what it’s citizens’ might want.
 
I try to imagine what the people in England must have felt during the blitz, and I just can’t. And I certainly don’t want to be thinking about any of this tonight…but I am.
 
In America…we know that the enemy is over there. But, we also know, they are welcoming them here with open arms, and that’s because we have a President who believes the absurd notion that Muslims have been a great part of America and her history. So…

Nobody Knows when the American’s are going to make a much needed “Regime” change here. Who’s running? So far, candidates like Palin, Romney, and Newt have all made some big bucks just hinting at the prospect through book sales. Donald also has made money off the announcement. Ron Paul…mmmmm …will he run again? Probably all of them will, but what really troubles this Nobody is the fact that not one..NOT ONE…democrat has come out to challenge Obama. That party has been obliterated. It almost doesn’t exist.

Nobody’s Perfect Somewhere in Florida some black chick walks into a Burger King and attacks the (white) people serving her food. She hops up on the counter and hits them with a plastic cooler. Yes, this fine mother of four kids, was on spring vacation. The rest of the black tourists helped her trash the restaurant. This happens when your welfare check can only take you from Alabama to Florida, when you really wanted a Hawaii vacation. Times are rough.
 
Nobody Cares  I’m waiting for the big earthquake. It’s been predicted that California is going to have a huge one due to the Super moon, (sometimes before the 27th) and even Michael Moore is going to feel this one.

Nobody Wonders Were Liz Taylors’ eyes REALLY violet, or did she wear contacts? And why did she win Oscars and Richard Burton did not? Care to speculate? I saw her once in person, and I really didn’t see the purple eyes. She was beautiful..but all I saw was mascara.

Nobody’s Fool  Ron Paul came out with this statement about our wars:

“The American people are sick and tired of this. We are in trouble here. We’re spending money overseas, we blow up countries and then we have to rebuild them at the same time we can’t even build our own infrastructure.”

Who does not agree?

Nobody Wins: So, as we watch Paul Allen buy a nice small jet for himself, you must know, our Unions are out to destroy the country and redistribute the money due to the fact that Michael Moore says, the rich have got loads of money and he wants it.
 
The Chinese are dealing with the problem of all their newly rich being able to keep their own money by avoiding revolutions. After all, they ARE communists. The people in the city are making three times as much as their country cousins. So…Beijing has ordered on pain of a hefty fine, all Billboards  to have a ban on luxury. To tone down the divide between the rich and the poor, they want the words, “luxury, royal, supreme, and high class” taken out of all advertizing.
 
Hey, we have been doing that here for some time. The rich will pay over a hundred dollars for jeans that have big holes in them. They want to let the poor people know, they are JUST like them, the rich have holy jeans too–don’t hurt them.

Nobody Reports that even maybe the fact that our movie stars are no longer glamorous, is a well thought out plan for the rich to keep themselves safe.
 
And having said that, I feel safe tonight knowing that somewhere a Marine gave his life for the right reasons…so that I can go have another glass of milk, before I get into my nice warm bed.
 
At least, that’s what I’m telling myself. I don’t want to fall down any more holes than I have to. I’m climbing up to the moon.

March 24, 2011 Posted by | Global Government, Life | | 6 Comments

Westminster Officials: Please Update

I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive. ~Gilda Radner

NOBODY CARES

 —that I’m a big dog fan…and therefore my problem: it seems my dogs are not normal. I have decided this after watching the Westminster Dog Show last week. Dog lovers all over the country wait every year for it…the Westminster Dog Show in New York. We grab our popcorn, and aaah, and ooooh…and cuss out all the snobby looking judges who in our own mind, ALWAYS pick the ugliest one of the bunch. And this year was like all years before…it was really fun to watch.

 “Wow…how long did THAT take to comb? Can you imagine the hair?”

 And, “Why do they make all the big fat women wear dresses and RUN? Can’t they let them have those leashes that stretch…give them time to catch up?”
 
And, “Please…don’t pick the poodle…don’t pick the poodle…don’t..don’t…”
 
Was it me, or did the dogs get bigger this year? Some of them look like they could kill a small rhino. For that matter, some of the handlers look like they could take down a few crocs. For instance the all time winner, a Scottish Deerhound is said to be able to hunt deer.
 
And therefore, my problem: Every time a dog came up to the podium, an announcer would proclaim…”This dog was used by the—(fill in the blank)____”Chinese, sailors, farmers, librarians, Genghis Khan, Queen of England, Duke of Burgundy, President of the Elk Club, Paris Hilton, Scotsman in kilts, women in heat…etc…to kill rats.”
 
Every time I heard this…I was a amazed, because neither one of my dogs will kill my rapidly expanding population of rats in my backyard.
 
You see, I also love birds. And birdseed makes a big mess. And the rats always end up in my yard. Most of my neighbors just call up the city, and they come and get rid of them for free…but I can’t do that you see, because, I love my birds.
 
And they would say– “Lady, you need to stop feeding the birds.”
 Oh please…where’s Al Gore when you need him?
 
Last fall, we had the cutest little rat. Really…I was growing fond of him…but now, that rat has grown, and the other night I looked out and counted…ten, big ones. The other nine were probably sleeping because they ate too much. I should put out little menu’s for them to order from.
 
My dogs love the rats. They do not feel any inkling to catch them. I let them out and the stand over the rat hole and wag their tales, as if it’s all a game. “Hey guys…come out and play!”
 
Okay. Maybe it’s my fault. When they were puppies they naturally came to me with dead birds in their mouths and I gently but firmly told them “NO…NO…we do NOT put dead anything in our mouths!” It was very hard to do, because they come back to you so proudly with the expressing on their faces, “See…Aren’t you proud of me? Look what I got! I’m a DOG Can I keep it? “
 
Yes…there I was chasing my American Eskimo around the house, playing tug-of-war with a dead bird, yelling: “PUT IT DOWN! Don’t eat it! LET GOOOOO!!” 
A memory I could live without.
 
Ever since that lesson, they want to please me, so they do not go after my rats, or the birds…only the squirrels and bunnies, which of course, they cannot catch.
 
Now— according to the Westminster officials. The Pekinese…can get into the holes to chase the rats out. (Don’t ask me how…the hair alone would scare them.) Maybe I should get one of those.
 
And if you think this is just about dogs….I want to leave you with a final thought.Look at the diversity in the dog world. A Pekinese could NOT take down a deer. No matter what you think of DNA…it’s there.
 
And it’s sad that MUTTS are not included in the Westminster Show, because it’s all about the pure breed—which is a big problem with our elites, isn’t it? (genetics, that’s a whole other blog )
 
My dogs are well fed. I basically spoil them, and they rule me most of the time. It’s up to me to kill the rats. (sigh)
 
Somebody should talk to those Westminster officials about the rat killing instinct. Dogs have either evolved or mine are weird.
And as the saying goes;
 Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend. ~Corey Ford

February 18, 2011 Posted by | dogs, Life | , | 5 Comments

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