Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

The Tasmanian Crab

Nobody Wonders

If you have followed me for long, than many of you are familar with the comments of the most intelligent gentlemen that goes by the name of ‘amfortas’. Amfortas lives in the paradise of Tasmania.

And THIS is a crab…from that very place. He weights over 30 pounds and he is being sent to Enland to rest in his old age in some lovely place…and I’m sure he will miss his Tasmanian home.

Having said that: Nobody Wants to know: amfortas…What exactly are the Tasmanians doing to grow such huge crabs? I’m sure I speak for everyone!

May 2, 2012 - Posted by | humor, Uncategorized |


  1. This place is very much a Paradise, Joyanna. The seas around us are abundant with wild-life, although I haven’t seen a crab that big before. I can assure you that were I to be strolling along one of the many pristine beaches very nearby, and came across such a beastie, I would cease my strolling Pretty Damned Quick.

    A few weeks back I was sitting on a patio-deck at the Wrest Point Casino (no, I don’t gamble, but the Casino here was Oz’s first and remains a popular restaurant place) (and it is aptly named as it wrests the spare cash of the poor from their hopeful mitts), overlooking the estuary of the River Derwent (around which Hobart lounges), when a dolphin approached and chatted happily with several folks at the next but one table.

    And yet another few weeks ago a small pod of Orcas swam their leaping way nearly up to the marina in the city centre. I doubt many modestly sized Capital cities in the world can boast that.

    We have land-based wild-life galore too. Most famous are the Tamanian Tiger – a dog-like creature with stripes and – recently extinct (people still claim to ‘sightings’), and the Tasmanian Devil. That is well on its way to extinction too through a type of cancer that swept the devil population in the past few years. The Devil is a small creature, quite heavy for its size, with jaws like steel traps. It is a fighter par excellance, and that very attribute has spread the cancer which manifests itself in tumours around the face. They have a terrible screetching roar quite out of keeping with its size. – which is about that of a pomeranian. If you pick one up, it can be quite cuddly, but it feels like a brick of solid silver.

    We also have wombats. These are the Tanks of the animal world. Small tanks to be sure but even more solid and heavy than the Devil. Quite pleasant little buggers though.

    Then we have the Greenie. They are everywhere. Even in the towns. You see them walking down the street or driving either clapped out cars that dispense accusatory smoke and carry back window signs demanding that we save whales (or Wales in some instances depending on the education of the sign-writer), or ‘hybrids’ that go past shouting Nah, narnie, nah. These are mostly driven by Politicians who didn’t pay for them. They survive on handouts from ordinary people, often tourists who do not know better than to feed the wild-life. They scavenge around the Parliament threatening to bite any politician that does not cower.

    The success story in the wild kingdom here is the Feminist. She (mostly the one sex) has prolifereated over the past few decades and now occupies the highest levels of Government and the public service. Also whole villages down the coast from Hobart. They seem to breed without a male of the species in sight. The noise they make permeates the entire state, and at night many ordinary people cower under their covers listening to guage whether their screetchings are coming closer. We have an entire department at our University devoted to their habits. It is larger than the Antarctic Research HQ which is just about 10 miles from where I live.

    I would prefer – were I offered the choice – to confront that crab on the beach than spend my strolling moments near a feminist.


    Comment by Amfortas | May 3, 2012 | Reply

    • Thanks for that Tasmanian summary of par-excellence, amfortas!

      Joyanna Adams



      Comment by joyannaadams | May 3, 2012 | Reply

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