Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Nobody Wonders About Magazine Editors and Flat Irons

Nobody Wonders

The democrats spent $30 million trying to get young pajama boy Ossoff elected to the House in Georgia, but the state of Newt stayed true, and elected Republican Karen Handel.

Good to know Georgia is NOT France. Another Trump victory.

So, this Nobody Wonders how many Russians were counting the votes?

Just watch…the democrats will say they won…the “moral” victory. What moral victory?

What ‘morals’ do the democrats stand for anyway? Socialism? Islam’s treatment of women? Freedom to set fires and burn cities down? What’s moral about any of those?

Which brings me to something I was wondering about today: America’s magazine editors, and how “morality” has a much different meaning to the various corporate editors of most of our Magazines.

Let’s take the two editorials I was reading today:
A Farce to Be Reckoned With…written by Graydon Carter in Vanity Fair.
And Celebrate Your Independence by Michele Promualayko, in Cosmopolitan.

First: Let’s start with Graydon.
Vanity Fair has many articles, mostly celebrating the rich and the English Royals, but Graydon has been so pissed off that Trump won the election, he has devoted every single editorial since Trump got elected to tearing President Trump apart.

He’s wearing out his poor dictionary trying to find words…to describe how much he hates Trump.

Here’s a sample:

“If you think you are having a tough time of it since the election, please have some sympathy for the journalist, career civil servant, and White House supplicants who have to deal with Trumpian levels of insanity on a minute-to-minute basis. Trumpian! The word “trump’ formerly was a verb used in polite bridge and whist circles. (He should know,) Trump, the man, is now up there with Hercules and Sisyphus with his own branded adjective. I’m not completely sure what it stands for. But when it finally settles into the lexicon, I’m certain that it will be a disconcerting combination of petulant, preening, ignorant, shameless, vulgar, paranoid, vainglorious, reckless, imperious, impulsive, unhinged, callous, corrosive, narcissistic, intemperate, juvenile, disloyal, venal, chaotic, squalid, what have I forgotten? Oh yes! And just mind-numbingly, epically incompetent.”

And then there’s Michele. The LAST thing I expected to read in Cosmopolitan was a political editorial. After all, here’s some of the articles:

Could he be Faking it? You Sure?
Teach Your Flat Iron 4 New Tricks
Sun’s Out, Buns Out!
More Sex…Less Stress!

Yes, imagine. You start reading the title: Independence. Right. Love it. Then she says this:

“One of the most festive times is always July 4th, Independence Day. But among all the BBQs and fireworks displays, tis easy to forget the deep significance of the occasion and how lessons of the past can inform the present, in giant and tiny ways.”

She goes on to say that our founders were ‘radicals.’

“Undoubtedly each of us encounter times when we’re painted as radical when we want to go in a different direction than the pack. It’s always a hard thing to do. So, in this month’s issue, we’ve gathered women from divergent backgrounds who have all boldly raised their voices on topics they are passionate about, no matter how unpopular. In an exclusive essay, Senator Elizabeth Warren explains (How to braid your hair JUST like Pocahontas…sorry.) what it takes to persist when you’re swimming against a strong current.” (Has she ever BEEN in a river? Hey, I’ll watch.)

“And then there’s our cover star, Scarlett Johansson, discussing what she’s will to risk to speak here truth.” (Oh boy…can’t wait to read that one.)

Michelle goes on to say that their words can be used to motivate you to take over the world…

“COSMO is here to encourage you to celebrate you to strike out on your own.” (Bring your best Dildo!)

Well, you get the drift. Have LOTS of sex, and then hate Trump, and go protest, make sure you do your butt exercises.

I don’t know which editor is more of an idiot. Graydon for not getting over his hatred, or Michelle, who has decided to use her sex/fashion magazine to fulfill a REVOLUTION against the swimming tide of …

Of what?

They never say.

But, the good news is: President Trump is pushing all the right buttons.

I have a subscription to Vanity Fair. Every issue they celebrate the liberal, rich elite world of themselves. It’s good to know the liberal mind. But, I never ordered Cosmopolitan

Still…I’d like to thank the person who sends it to me, since they remain anonymous.

Someday, I intend to teach my flat-iron new tricks. You never know when you might need a good flat-iron, especially if those young women of the ‘revolution’ come after me.

I’ll…be ready. I might even plug it in first.

June 20, 2017 Posted by | absurd, Oligarchy, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Nobody Laughs at Helen Gurly Brown

Nobody Flashes

I don’t want this to sound mean, but today Helen Gurly Brown died, and I’m happy to report, her dying has left me in such a happy mood. Don’t get me wrong. Sorry to her family, but the old gal lived a pretty good long life.(90) She basically was a regular…(in the words of maybe… Rush Limbaugh)  “slut.” and she promoted “slutness” to the highest degree.

Nobody would call her…ambitious, and she made it the old fashioned way: She slept her way to the top! Really…that’s what she says.

Who am I to judge? She had to have really great business sense to keep a magazine going for so many years. Helen made a magazine promoting all the ways you can have sex …the sort of modern day Sutra without the pictures. A great force for the condom industry and sex industry in general. Helen gets the Olympian gold medal for sexually arousing generations of young girls for men for decades! Anyway it gave me an excuse to go The Cosmopolitan website, and once again, have good laugh.

What’s Cosmopolitan? If you have no clue…then you are not from this planet, because Cosmopolitan has been the savior of every woman who has had to stand in a long line anywhere.

Having said that: I have NEVER seen a man pick one up.

And why not, you may ask? Because it’s all about how to please your man sexually, which is a contradiction in itself, because if you’re in a relationship and having a good time, I say, don’t fix what’s not broken, but that’s me.

Evidently too many women feel stupid about it.

“My own philosophy is if you’re not having sex, you’re finished. It separates the girls from the old people,” she told an interviewer.

The Browns were childless by choice, she said. You can’t be sexual at 60 if you’re fat,” she observed on her 60th birthday. She also championed cosmetic surgery, speaking easily of her own nose job, facelifts and silicone injections.

And she looked like the plastic surgery…stuck! 

Because she died today, I went to Cosmopolitan site, and at the top was the headline:

HOW TO FIND YOUR G-SPOT!

I won’t go into it here, but basically she tells the girls it feels like a walnut. Nobody wants to know…By whose standards? I can’t stop laughing about this, so I’ll go onto her more mundane subject of:

GIRLS HABITS GUYS DON’T UNDERSTAND:

1. Thank you cards to your girlfriends….Guys don’t do this. They are too busy watching football. Girls have to have something to do to pass the time and make sure that whoever gave them that Birthday gift gives them another one NEXT year, because who know if that guy will be there, after he finds out she is reading Cosmopolitan?

2. Flannel Pajamas…For all the fat that are on a woman’s body, she stills wears flannels. Guys mostly go nude. I want to know why men don’t wear flannel pajamas. I think they are pretty sexy on a man. Nobody ever asks that question.

3. Decor PillowsI have to agree with the men on this.  But women are nest builders, and the nest is the bed and the bed MUST have designer pillows. I have designer pillows, but they are in the chair. It’s a waste of time putting them on the bed, unless the Queen was coming to my house—THEN I would put them on the bed. Otherwise I really don’t care if they never go on the bed again. Someone should make scented pillows..it would help on those mornings when you roll over..and smell last night’s pizza.

4.Cluches: Right. I’m with the guys. Cute but…pointless. You can’t fit anything but a tampon in them, which is probably the point. Carrying a tampon around all night in your hand, would be…gross.

5. Wedge Heels.  Now what’s wrong with wedge heels? YOU try walking on 6 inch stilettos! The wedges give you support, and trust me, most women in America need it. Picture Michelle Obama in high heels.

Or..don’t.

6. Thongs: Guys don’t like thongs? Who knew? Okay, so why are they watching Beach Volley ball?

7. Massive Purses: If you read me you know, I have a thing about ugly purses. I’ve had the same “purse” for ten years, and it’s basically like a college backpack. BUT…a woman needs a massive purse. I will be ready when the Obama Gestapo comes to put me in detention. My purse, has…everything in it I DON’T need and that’s the way I like it.  Besides, a woman’s purse is like a man’s car. Think about it.

8. Eyelash Curler:  I’d like to see a man put on fake eyelashes. Mastering advanced Algebra is much easier than learning to apply just the right amount of glue to your eyelash. Try it if you don’t believe me.

ENOUGH

Now, stop reading if you don’t want to get mad at me…but look at this picture. Helen Gurly Brown says YOU will LOVE this position of sex…because

Because there’s little eye contact, your man feels free to engage in reckless role-playing, a major turn-on for you both.

Uh..so the man is turned on by NOT having any eye contact with you? He is engaged in reckless role playing?

Uh..what role is he playing? Porcupine? Is he tearing down the Berlin Wall? He is sick of looking at your face? He doesn’t want to remember you putting your eyelashes in a curler?

Okay, I won’t do this stuff often. It’s just that, Helen Curly Brown’s Cosmopolitan was a genius at getting us all to look, and in my case laugh….and entertaining me in many a boring line at the grocery store.

I don’t think the magazine helped our society at all…but neither did Hugh Hefner..who will probably be following right behind her….and Hugh NEVER made me laugh.

Which I suppose somewhere there is an article written  in Cosmo that said this:

WHY HUGH HEFNER NEVER MAKES A WOMAN LAUGH.

RIP Helen.. You were one- of- a- kind.

August 13, 2012 Posted by | American Culture, fashion, Uncategorized | , , , , | 2 Comments

   

%d bloggers like this: