Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Nobody Knows WHICH 85 Things You Need to Have in a Disaster

Nobody Knows

Since they have been predicting the end of the world, or at least a lot of really crazy riots, at least once a day you see an ad for “47 things you NEED to have!” in a disaster.

I want to know: What if there are really 48 things? What if…the world ends and you are left standing and you realize that the 48th thing that you did not get, would have saved your life? What are you going to do? Sue the guy who left out the most important thing?

What if matches are not on that list? Look what happened to Alex Baldwin in Alaska in that movie where Antony Hopkins saved his life because he happened to have matches that he could make into a compass?  (And then later killed him because he was screwing his wife.)

Nobody is more of a sucker for this stuff than me. If the world blows up, I will have any book in the world that will tell you how to do everything short of a heart transplant.

I haven’t found that book yet.

BUT…I did just recently buy the book,” 37 Food Items Sold Out After Crisis.” Right now, I need the book that says, “10 things you should do FIRST if your whole area gets hits by a hail storm” because I can’t get a rental car due to the fact, that all the “rental” cars were damaged…and I didn’t get RIGHT on the phone after the hail storm and call Enterprise….so I will have to wait, till they fix the rental cars.

Who thinks of these things? I was too busy looking at the holes in my windshield while everyone one else was on the phone making arrangements. You live long enough—I suppose it MIGHT sink in. ( I certainly hope I don’t get any dumber.) As I look through the list of important things that everyone will grab, I see that number 27 is: Hard Candy. WHY? It’s easy to carry and it gives you energy says the book. Well, so do my B-15 energy shots. They are much better for you than hard candy and give you a much quicker blast of caffeine….but, they are not on the list. But..coffee is.

I once heard a doctor say, after he had done a colonoscopy on my mother, “Wow..look at all those coffee beans!” And I was sooooo glad that I hate the taste of coffee. Coffee is going to go quick, according to my 37 Food Items Sold Out After Crisis book….so a lot of people’s stomach will be filled with coffee beans which I suppose is a good thing.  

Here’s one everyone will like: Alcohol. The books says that it’s a stress reliever! Really? Who knew?

Most importantly, alcohol is a wonderful bartering tool…says the book.  I’m already practicing: “I’ll give you my Jack Daniels for your peanut butter, and 50 pounds of pasta!”

Uh…I’m….not sure about that one. Are we sending alcohol to the starving in North Korea? Maybe we should.  Maybe that’s what we’re doing wrong. Maybe if those people got drunk enough they’d get rid of those idiots who are starving them.

Number 32 says stock up on “pop tarts” Now, I don’t know who wrote this book, but I’m an expert on pop tarts. You can leave them IN the box, unopened and three weeks later…viola! They are cardboard. I know. My pop tarts would break a window if I actually took them off the shelf and threw them. I like the look of the box, because it makes me look like I have a full kitchen pantry..so my pop tarts are still on my shelf. I suppose I could soak them in water if I was starving.

And then…there’s your pet. PET food is high on the list. After all, you don’t want to have to feed your dog coffee do you? You could get him drunk. That might help.

My dogs LOVE peanut butter, so peanut butter is high on my list.  I figure we could all live on peanut butter right out of the jar for a good week. Cheaper than dog food. The good thing about peanut butter is it takes hours for them to get it off their teeth. It keeps them occupied which is what you would want to do in some sort of disaster….keep your dogs from barking and letting the looters know that somewhere in that house is a person with peanut butter and alcohol.

But…what IF, you go to the grocery store and the food is all sold out? Well..the book says: go on e-bay or Craigslist and shop!

What’s wrong with this picture, I ask you?

Surely, whomever is delivering your package will just keep it. It will probably never end up at your door. If the grocery aisles are shopped out, it’s very hard to believe that our government will be feeding the postmen, and HIS family will be well stocked with your groceries.

And then, it comes down to: grow your own food. Which is okay IF the world doesn’t end in November—Then we will all starve while waiting for spring to arrive so that we can plant our seeds, which we may or may not be able to grow if Obama is still in charge.  

Nobody Knows, if the peanut butter will last through the winter.

(See what I do: when I find myself stressed out about not having a car, I tell myself there are MUCH worse scenarios in life…like not having food.) And you may ask…Is it working Joyanna?

Well…I  may not be able to get around at the moment, but I have PLENTY of peanut butter and jelly to survive. As my old history used to always say.”Everything is relative!” Which was the excuse he used to rationalize that he could mess around with his students, because..everything, including sex outside his marriage, was relative.

(Can you tell I’m already out the door to look for my new car?) I can’t think about the end of the world anymore today….go out and get your own book, I’m busy saving myself!)   

May 2, 2012 Posted by | disasters, humor, Uncategorized | , | 4 Comments

Nobody Can Get Sick: Ways to Keep Your Immunity Up

Whether you have exciting vacation plans or you are completing an important project at work, most likely getting sick will not fit in with your plans. Those working in germ-ridden environments such as teachers, cashiers, doctors, or nurse practitioners might also want to take precautions to avoid getting sick. Below are some nutrients, foods, and lifestyle changes to help increase immunity.

Probiotics

The live cultures in probiotics, especially Lactobaccilus and Bifidobacteria, can help strengthen the immune system by boosting white blood cell production. Good sources include yogurt and kefir. If you don’t like yogurt, ask your pharmacist to recommend a probiotic supplement that is good at boosting immune system.

Zinc

LIke probiotics, zinc can also increase the production of white blood cells and help boost immune function. However, it is important to not have too much zinc in the body. Since excess sources of zinc can impair the immune system, it is best to stick with natural food sources of this mineral. Some foods containing zinc include oyster, crab, grade fed beef, and beans. Other sources of zinc include swiss chard, collard greens, summer squash, and winter squash.

Vitamin C

Vitamin C is the number one immune boosting nutrient. The human body does not produce any Vitamin C on its own, so it is important to get enough of this important nutrient. It has both antiviral and antibacterial effects. Some common fruits with a lot of Vitamin C are strawberries, kiwi, cantaloupe, oranges, and grapefruit. If you would like to add a little variety, try mixing in some guava and papaya. Or, for some vegetable sources of Vitamin C, try fresh parsley, raw cauliflower, mustard greens, and romaine lettuce. If you think you are getting sick, it might also be helpful to boost intake with some Vitamin C supplements.

Mushrooms

Though they are not usually recommended as an immune system booster, the antioxidants and selenium can actually help you take fewer sick days. Mushrooms have been found to have antiviral, antibacterial, and anti-tumor effects. This must be some exotic type of mushroom, right? Wrong! The widely available white button mushrooms are believed to be some of the best immune boosters. Those wanting to explore other options should also try out varieties of mushroom such as Reichi, Maitake, and Shitake.

Protein

Containing 20 amino acids essential for growth and repair, protein helps the body fight infection and resist disease. This doesn’t mean, however, that you should rush out and eat some fried chicken and a hamburger. The quality of the protein is very important as well. Try to fit in high-quality, complete protein foods such as eggs, fish, shellfish, and venison. Vegetarians can also help out their immune systems by fitting in protein sources such as beans and certain vegetables.

Omega-3

Praised for a number of popular benefits, such as boosting brain function and even skin appearance, Omega-3 Fatty Acids have also been praised for their anti-inflammatory properties. In fact, low levels of Omega-3s can lead to inflammatory conditions and autoimmune diseases. Great sources include salmon, tuna, sardines, edamame, walnuts, and leafy green vegetables.

Limit Sugar

Even if you are getting enough zinc and probiotics, it is also important to limit sugar intake. Sugar can reduce the ability of white blood cells to kill germs and can lower immune system function. Try to avoid soda and sugary processed foods. Also make sure to drink plenty of water to flush the system and also limit excess sugar intake by eating whole natural foods.

Exercise

Exercising three to four times a week for even 20 minutes can help increase immunity. Exercise also increases circulation and reduces the risk of some diseases. Any exercise that will cause the body to sweat is super beneficial, since sweat naturally helps the body to flush out harmful toxins.

Sleep

During sleep, the body rests and repairs cells. Not getting enough sleep can harm the immune system and make it easier to get sick. Those wanting to stay healthy should aim for at least seven to eight hours a night.

If it’s too late and you are already sick, check out some licensed practical nurse myths and tips about colds and other ailments. Bonus, some of the same foods, nutrients, and lifestyle changes that protect us from getting sick also can help fend off diseases such as cancer and heart disease.

Sources:

Active.com

Webmd.com

Whfoods.org

May 1, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

    Next Entries »