Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Funny: The Democrats Haven’t Even Mentioned THIS.

Nobody Flashes

Funny, I haven’t heard Beto the dirt eater, or Cortez the amazing wizard of doom, even mention this.

Nobody Wonders: Is that why they are building another NEW and improved bunker under the White House?


March 22, 2019 Posted by | disasters | | Leave a comment

Not Paradise Any Longer….California…all the Leaves are Brown….And the Sky is Gray…


Nobody Flashes:

California is not Paradise anymore.

Who started this fire? Notice nobody ever says.

Now that Malibu has been under fire, all the movie star’s hired illegal help will have to find new jobs.

I’m waiting for Cher to blame the President.

They will survive, but my goodness. California has been burning down since Bill Clinton was President, and in more ways than one. Is it any wonder so many Californians are all moving to Texas and Arizona?

Those poor firefighters. The poor people. The poor animals.

Just so sad.


November 9, 2018 Posted by | American History | , | Leave a comment

Nobody Wonders About the Level of Corruption

Nobody Wonders

Why—- when we wake up to riots and fires in another black neighborhood in one of our cities—Hillary Clinton or Obama make no comments about it, unless it has to do with ‘police’ murdering ‘innocent’ black men?Milwaukee

Just ONE man was shot by a black policeman. ONE.

They NEVER comment on the very high murder rate in Chicago, (which is up from last year) mainly because, Chicago has STRICT gun laws, and yet, a few nights ago in Milwaukee, the call to arms on the cell phones got the blacks out. They counted over 50 gunshots and NONE of them were from the police.

I can smell that Nazi George Soros a mile away.

Most of us are starting to realize that this is less about “race” and more about “What can we steal and destroy?” Just how much are those dreadlocks worth to you?

Nobody Wonders: I saw one tweet which said it all. “Thanks Paul Ryan.”

Really? Shouldn’t it have said, “Thanks Obama?”

******************floods in Louisianna

Nobody Wonders…

Just how many of those poor people in Baton Rouge had flood insurance? They kept showing the Governor’s mantion being flooded, but heck, HE doesn’t have to pay for the loss now does he? It’s been reported that over 7,000 people were saved from their homes. One has to wonder just how many poor people have been flooded or burnt out of their homes since Obama took office, and how many of them will NEVER recover their losses…ever.

I’d bet that’s another record for the history books. Anybody want to guess?

Nobody Wonders…

How Hillary and Bill Clinton can expect big brownie points when they gave over one million to “charity” last year, but 96% of that went to the charity of…BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON!Clinton foundation

That’s it. I’m starting my own charity. The “Joyanna Foundation.” I’ll give 10% to my brother whose business is suffering due to the horrible economy, and the rest will go to me. In fact, since we can’t take off deductions for anything anymore, I suggest we ALL start our own tax-shelter foundations. Why should the elites like Gates, Buffet, and Clinton get to keep all their money by hiding it in ‘foundations’?  If Hillary wants to TAX the rich, I suggest she get rid of tax-shelter foundations and start taxing them, starting with her own. And then Gates, And then Buffet…

Nobody Wonders

ONE MORE THING: How can you not suspect that the media is LYING out their wazoo wacko elite butts about the popularity of Hillary over Trump? You think Trump is actually “blowing” his lead like ALL the media says? rubio VS Cruz

Would they LIE TO YOU? Do you stand on two legs?

First: Hillary lies daily…and the media treats it as it’s just a Clinton thing.

And remember the famous, “If you like your doctor, you can KEEP your doctor.”?

Trump is right. The media is going all out (and that INCLUDES FOX) to try to convince you that this election is going to go to Hillary, so that when it does, (Which they can easily now rig) you will say to yourself, “Well, Trump lost it with his big mouth.” You  will remember the constant attacks on Trump.

Nobody Wonders: Will the election once again come down to Florida?

Let’s hope the Cubans in Miami outvote the Puerto Ricans. After all, at least the Cubans didn’t bring ZIKA to Palm Beach.

The man who did that is still in the White House.



August 14, 2016 Posted by | corruption, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Perfect: Google VS British Airways

Nobody’s Perfect

 This week, we wander into the skies of “oops” and “sorry” didn’t mean to do that….maybe this flying machine is not safe after all…

 We have Google VS British Airlines 

 First, lets’ explore Google. It seems one of their LOON ‘balloons’ fell on some ladies house. In fact, she didn’t even know it, until the cops knocked on her door. And nobody knew what the heck it was. Surely, it was a weather balloon, at least that’s what they all thought

What’s a loon balloon? It’s Google’s answer to hooking up rich executives to their I Phones when they escape to their newly built multi-million dollar survival shelters that are being built for them when the Zombie apocalypse hits the streets. What? Is this the Zuckerface wants every single person on the planet to be able to Google Facebook or what? Okay, so Zuckerberg is not Google, but come on. All these guys work together. Or….maybe Google is doing this because they are not so sure that the electrical grids are going to hold up…after nuclear warfare or EMP events. Or maybe they feel so upset in their very big liberal hearts that the little boy in the Congo can’t get enough friends and likes on his FACEBOOK page that they are sparing no expense to build a web in the sky. Who knows?

On the other hand, we witnessed last week, that nasty fire on a British Airway plane that just blew up on the runway in Las Vegas:

Turns out the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) warned both Boeing and General Electric, the 777’s engine-maker, about a flaw in the plane’s engine design that could result in the very catastrophe that took place last week at McCarran Airport in Las Vegas.

What’s worse is that the safety warning was issued over four years ago. The FAA warned that cracks could form in the engine’s high-pressure compressor spool causing “uncontained engine failure and damage to the airplane.” In other words, the FAA knew that the engine’s turbines could fail under stress, causing an explosion and a shower of debris big enough to set the rest of the plane on fire.plane fire


So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?

As much as I want to make fun of Zuckerface, or the guys at Google. If they want to throw balloons in the air, and they have the money, and those balloons don’t mess up traffic in the sky, I don’t think a few balloons falling on the ground is going to be a big deal, as long as they don’t fall and start a fire. Of course, if that happened we won’t hear about it.

That leaves British Airways, who seems to put the blame on Boeing and General Electric. Companies who has made it possible for China to actually put some missile of their own on that airport in Las Vegas.

A British Airways spokesman said: “The safety of our customers and crew is always our priority, and we are looking after those who were on board the BA2276 from Las Vegas to London Gatwick following an incident on Tuesday September 8, 2015″.

Yes, British Airways wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week. Nobody was killed, and only 14 people were hurt due to the fact that once again, the pilot had enough sense NOT to take off.  But still, if I lived in London and wanted to book a flight to Las Vegas…I think I would GOOGLE some stats first on the safest plane to take.

But that’s just me.



September 14, 2015 Posted by | technology, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

9/11 Prayer for Just Another Day

Nobody Remembers

Next to the Kennedy assassination, 9/11 marks the other saddest historical day in most baby boomer’s lives.

And despite, all the thousands of video’s and the mass media attention that it got, I still recall what I was thinking when both those buildings came down SO quickly, and in such perfect fashion. No matter how many debunker video’s I watched on Youtube, about how anybody who questioned the science of what we saw that day was stupid—I never did buy it.

And I too, thought George W. Bush’s actions that day were beyond explicable. You get the news that another building has been hit and you keep on reading to children? Really?

Still, when you think about all the good people who were killed that day–and what is happening now with Obama and his dangerous actions with Iran, like many people I wonder….

What will happen next? Ted Cruz warned of an EMP over the Eastern Seaboard. We can HOPE that will not happen, but do you trust our President to protect us?

I don’t.

Let’s hope that today, is just another day….of remembrance—and deeply felt prayers for the families that still suffer from their loss.

Let’s hope, all our soldiers around the world, remain safe.


September 10, 2015 Posted by | disasters, Uncategorized | , | 4 Comments

Can Global Warming Cause Plane Crashes?

Nobody Wonders

Can the democrats blame the new GOP Congress for this? I can see the headlines now:

Global Warming caused the 9th Asian Airline crash…the point of no return is near.”

Tea Party conservatives hold back legislation, but the sky is blue, the sun is yellow and global warming is real.

Bad weather is caused by global warming.

Nobody Says…the science is in—the REAL science….People claiming global warming is real, are missing brain cells.


February 4, 2015 Posted by | disasters, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Perfect: Malaysian Airlines VS Italian Ferries

Nobody’s Perfect:

This week, we have two countries not having much luck with their transportation enterprises.

Italy Vs Malaysia… be more fair and give respect to international, “We are all equal on this planet” diversity rules: Airplanes VS Ferries.Mayalsian

Let’s start with Malaysia first…it seems they have lost ANOTHER plane into the ocean. Last March we watched various nations send out their military trying to find the missing 370 Malaysian flight that disappeared after a wrong turn. We watched as governments seem to almost love the competition to see WHO could find it first! (Nobody won.)

And now, in the same year, they lost another one;

The search for AirAsia Flight QZ8501 resumed on Monday, a day after the commercial jet disappeared in Indonesian airspace with 162 people aboard.

“(Because) the coordinate that was given to us and the evolution from the calculation point of the flight track is at sea, our early conjecture is that the plane is in the bottom of the sea,” Bambang Sulistyo, head of Indonesia’s national search and rescue agency, told reporters Monday.

The plane sought permission to climb above threatening clouds. Air traffic control couldn’t say yes immediately — there was no room. Six other commercial airliners were crowding the surrounding airspace, forcing AirAsia Flight 8501 to remain at a lower altitude.

Minutes later, the jet carrying 162 people was gone from the radar.

And then you have the latest Italian ferry disaster:Ferry disaster

Eight dead, dozens ‘missing’ after ferry fire disaster

Ship captain Argilio Giacomazzi, 62, upheld centuries of maritime tradition by ensuring he was the last man off, handing over to Italian navy officers at 2:50 pm (1350 GMT).

His conduct was in marked contrast to that of the last Italian sea captain to make global headlines, Francesco Schettino, the Costa Concordia skipper currently on trial for manslaughter abandoning a sinking cruise liner on which 32 people died in January 2012.

Wrapped in blankets and with many of them sporting bandages, 49 of the 478 passengers and crew who were on board the ferry when it caught fire shortly after dawn on Sunday disembarked from a merchant ship at the Italian port of Bari.

So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?

Is it the Malaysian Airlines, who continue to pile up bodies on the ocean floor, or the Italian boat captains, who have a habit of piling as many bodies on one ship as they can?

THIS…is a tough one.

On the one hand, the pilots of the Malaysian Airlines don’t seem to be at fault…it’s the guys on the ground that are screwing them up. Our American captains, when they see a problem, like Captain Sully did in 2009, they just land the plane down on the nearest Hudson River, and they don’t really ask permission. Can you imagine how many commissioners in New York would have to give the okay for Scully to land his big airliner on the Hudson River? That’s the American way…think for yourself. But a pilot of a Malaysian plane would probably be more fearful of NOT obeying the commands on the ground, instead of following his own instincts.

There is not a whole lot you can do if you mess up in a plane. It’s a long fall down.

On the other hand, the captains of a ferry or a boat have a better chance of saving people…And it was obvious that the whole Italian crew was NOT prepared for the fire:

“The lifeboats did not work, there was only one of them in the water and none of the crew were there to help people.”confused baby

“I ran out. I looked out for a lifejacket but I could not find one.” 

“We did not know what to do. The staff had no idea how to get people off the boat.”

None of the statements made by survivors of the disaster have so far given any indication that as many as 40 passengers may have died.

So, who wins?

I’m going with the ferry-boat. Captains of ANY kind of boat should know better.  After all, every captain in the world has heard of the Titanic. I don’t care if that captain was the last man off the boat, he shouldn’t even have left the dock without life jackets and enough lifeboats.

Or…am I wrong? If so, then I claim my own Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week.

Or should I say, Italy wins. That would be more—- fair. After all, how many captains can afford to buy 400 lifejackets?


December 30, 2014 Posted by | disasters, Uncategorized | | 2 Comments

Nobody Knows: Boeing 777, GM CEO, Clooney, Beyonce, NSA— Puppies!

Nobody Knows

It’s the Wednesday addition of Nobody Knows anything…good luck trying to find out!Malaysia plane

Nobody Knows: It’s been almost two weeks, and nobody knows where the Boeing 777 went, but what we DO know, is that the cable stations have MILKED this story for all it’s worth. Did the pilot kill the passengers by going up to 45,000 feet? (And do oxygen masks stop working at that altitude?)  Did he just kill the oxygen? Did he program the plane to turn left? Was it an electrical short? Was there another person on that plane that helped hide Obama’s birth certificate in Hawaii? Was this a radical Muslim working with Obama on a secret mission to hide out in an undisclosed bunker, until the day it would be released only to drop a nuke on Washington D.C. while Obama (and his buddies) were out-of-town? Hey…that’s at least as feasible as the Indian Triangle supernatural theory. Or aliens stealing it to study. And since two Iranians got on board illegally, will Israel be the target? Nobody Knows. Nobody knows what happened to Jimmy Hoffa, but then again, Nobody Cares.

Nobody Knows just when they are going to stop talking about it, but if you want to read ALL the theories, it’s all here.

Nobody Knows: Gee. When did GM get a woman CEO?  (just a few months ago) Was this done in order to ‘soften’ the blow that for 11 years GM knew about a hazard that killed people in their cars, but it was all about keeping your eye on that bailout money? You had more important things to do GM? Was that part made in China?  Anyway, the woman is now being hailed as great, (just watch this fantastic propaganda video below) because she came out and admitted it.  Mary looks like everybody’s sister…you wouldn’t want to hurt dear Mary by suing GM now would you? Evidently Mary just found out about I suggest Obama make her his new Auto Czar. Being good at denying knowledge of ANYTHING, is the progressive metal of honor. And speaking of Metals of honor–

Nobody Knows why Obama gave veterans Metals at the White House today. Everybody knows he hates the military. I think I would have suggested they send it to me in the mail. I don’t care how much I deserved that metal, to receive it from Obama would have been…more than a letdown. I would have HAD to say something like “I don’t LIKE what you are doing to our veterans Obama, and …just hand it to me. I want my fellow soldier to do the honors.” And then, I would have been escorted out of the room, and you would have never seen me again.

I don’t think I could have done it. But that’s me.

Nobody Knows—that I watched the movie, THE AMERICAN staring George Clooney last night, and unless you like an hour of sex scenes, with what is SURE to be a photoshoped Clooney, skip this one. On a scale of one to ten, I’d give it a .0005. There was only one scene that was worth watching, the evil sinister woman assassin gets a bullet to the head,–very rewarding, looked real. She deserved it. George had ONE expression throughout the whole movie, no doubt, from eating too many goats in  Somalia.  The American

Nobody Knows if Russia is going to invade all its old territories, since it has announced that it could make nuclear toast out of America. And Nobody Knows, if those elite rich snobs in the European Union still think the United States is going to come to their rescue. Would they give up their countries for Putin’s assurances that they would be allowed to keep their own fortunes?

EVERYBODY knows that answer.

Nobody Knows–It’s now being revealed that the NSA has recorded every single phone conversation ever held in probably every country. So, Nobody Knows why they haven’t used that to find out where that plane went….probably because they were listening to Mitt Romney’s phone conversations.

He has a really big family. So does Sarah Palin. I, on the other hand, am VERY boring. Absolutely. I swear on Justin Bieber’s left foot.

Nobody Knows—how hard it was to date Mick Jagger. (His girlfriend committed suicide) and Nobody Knows how Justin Beiber really hurt his foot. And Nobody Knows how many girls are going to complain to their boyfriends that they want to make love in the back of a limo because Beyoncé does it. And Nobody Knows if those girls will have to PAY for that limo. (See Beyoncé’s last video because Bill O’Reilly can’t stop talking about it.) Beyonce in limo

Nobody wonders if this is going to boost limousine company profits? Anyone with a limo service out there?

Nobody Knows what we found out that Obama did this week:

“In a move that went little noticed in 2009, the White House quietly amended portions of the Freedom of Information Act, making it more difficult for Americans to request public documents for review.”

Yes…the powerful don’t want you to know.

So, you won’t. Hey, we STILL don’t know who killed JFK, so we might as well get used to being ignorant.

And finally, Nobody Knows, I have no idea how to fly a plane, and Nobody Knows, that I thought this video was cute.

Next week, I’ll be sure to tell you more stuff…I don’t know.


March 18, 2014 Posted by | American Culture, American History, Diane Feinstein, GM, humor, Obama, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Nobody’s Perfect: Lost Plane VS Lost Penis

Nobody’s Perfect:

I hate to make the comparison today, but it remains to be said: there are two missing items in the world, and finding them is of the upmost importance;

First, Malaysia is missing a Boeing 777. Not exactly a hard thing to lose, but lost it they have. In fact the whole world is out trying to find flight 370, because there were about 239 people on it. And it’s been a wild goose chase. Six days, and 10 nations using 56 surface ships have been running all over the oceans trying to find it. boeing 777

First it was here. then over there, then…well..where did it go? China thought they spotted it, but no. Then got mad and said everyone should coordinate.

Daily Mail: A Malaysia Airlines plane was sending signals to a satellite for four hours after the aircraft went missing, which means it could have flown a thousand miles from its last known location, according to officials.
U.S. sources have revealed that the plane, which lost contact with ground control at 1.07am on March 8, was in fact still in contact with satellites operated by Boeing. Experts suggest the way communications systems were shut down mean the plane was shut down ‘deliberately’ and ‘systematically’

(My first nobody thought was: Mmmmm, two Muslim pilots…maybe Allah called them at a very inopportune moment. But right from the start, we must NOT suspect these pilots because they were…experienced.)

Insinuating that only an inexperienced pilots would hide a plane. Of course, Farig Abdul Hamid, (one of the pilots) was a “good boy” and was always at the mosque, and had a flight simulator at home, and has been known to let a pretty face into the cockpit.

Must be nice. They said the same thing about Ted Bundy.

Nevertheless the plane remains lost.

NOT missing penis man…but close enough.

The other item lost, was…a penis.

Police in the United Kingdom reportedly shut down part of a busy motorway in Middlesbrough, England, Thursday to search for a man’s missing penis

Yes, the poor guy was sitting on the side of the road, and somebody had…well, cut it off and tossed it. They induce the man into a coma…and for good reason.

The penis has not been found.

Really, I can’t have a Nobody’s Perfect contest this week on this one, although I think that 229 people losing their lives is a heck of a lot worse than a man losing his penis. I was supposed to do this column on MONDAY night, and I forgot the day, so it’s only fair that I give the guy some slack.

Nobody’s Perfect. 🙂

Hopefully, someone will donate a penis to the guy so that when he wakes up, he can go on living some kid of normal life.

And hopefully, that plane isn’t sitting on some island somewhere, filling up for a new takeoff…

They may never find this plane…or they already have, and they don’t want ANYONE to know what happened.

My guess, is that’s the real story…the real truth…has been lost.

March 13, 2014 Posted by | disasters, humor, Uncategorized | , | 2 Comments

Have a Plan

Nobody Reports

To think that this lady survived her whole house being crushed around her by an F-5 tornado…was a miracle of God many would say. But to see her dog make an appearance, alive and unharmed…coming out from the under the rubble is a tear-jerker.

This lady prayed and it paid off. Most of all, she had a plan.

Robinson Crusoe, had a plan.

But, having seen the results of the kids that were told to go into the halls and cover their heads and who are now dead,  you have to realize once and for all, the “plans’ the government has for protecting any of us are grossly insufficient.

As we saw at Sandy Hook: The government’s plan to protect you children from mass murderers is to make all schools gun-free zones.

The government’s plan for your children who go to schools in tornado ally is to NOT build an underground bunker for them. No doubt, teachers’ pensions are much more important.

One other mother DID have a plan….she saw the weather, knew her children would be in danger at the school, and went and got them. She saved their lives.

The lesson from this whole thing is: Have a plan…for everything.

May 21, 2013 Posted by | disasters | , | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Fool: Barack Obama

Nobody’s Fool

I hate to admit it, but nobody takes a disaster better and uses it for his own personal benefit than Barack Hussein Obama. He did it today, while he used a memorial for the victims of the Boston Marathon bombing to promote his image as “Commander-in-Chief.”

(and the image that Obama is our lord and savior)Obama in Boston

No Republican would ever put themselves on the religious bully pulpit after a disaster and use it to promote themselves…and if they did, the Democrats would scream ‘church and state’

Liberals have been using the church for PR events forever, so nobody criticizes them.

The event was choreographed as well as a well-planned theater production. You had big shots of Obama listening to Yo-Yo Ma, (as a King listening to the court musician) and then Obama on the podium making his big speech after allowing all the interfaith ministers give their little bits, about how Boston is the student capital of the world, and yes, he got to–once again— talk about how he and Michelle went to Harvard there, it was HIS second home.

He always puts himself into every speech.

Also, I have never heard any President in my lifetime remind everyone in every speech he gives that HE is the Commander-in-Chief, or has someone else say it. Just that fact alone is a chilling reminder that Obama borders on wacko megalomania.  Today it was Massachusetts’ governor, Deval Patrick, who introduced the “Commander-In-Chief” to the bully-pulpit of the inter-faith ceremony at the Boston.

Obama tried to used Sandy Hook to push for a big start to eliminate the second amendment, and when it blew up in his face, he was extremely angry, calling everyone who opposed him liars.  And you could tell that in this speech, he was talking to himself. To him the words of this speech were aimed at himself first and foremost. He was pumping himself back into the fight.

The theme was “We will finish the race.”  To Obama this means gun control, redistribution of wealth, bringing millions of more immigrants in to vote as Democrats…and to get rid of America as we’ve always know it.

If you watch this man long enough, you see his mission is only going to get more draconian.

The very fact that the night before this speech, an explosion killed and maimed many more people than at the Boston marathon…and that it could have been a crime bigger than the Boston Marathon..that news literally disappeared off the air…because the president’s speech had to be heard by America. And besides…it happened in Texas.

That tells you who is in charge.

Our media now works for the President. Only FOX news, Drudge, and independent bloggers stand in the way of his complete control of us seeing his image every morning and in every building.

In the meantime, it’s being reported that a Saudi was behind the bombing in Boston and Obama helped get some Saudi out of the country, and like Benghazi whoever did this will be quickly replaced with some other more “important” news.

So, Barack Obama (who laments that nobody at Harvard could say his name.) wins the Nobody’s Fool  award for this week.

And any week that he wins it, Americans lose.

April 18, 2013 Posted by | disasters, Obama, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Mad…And I Don’t Even Live in New York

Nobody Is Mad

This morning I watched the “great and benevolent” Al Sharpton talking to Neil Cavuto on FOX. Neil made the case that millions will not be able to vote because most of them are not even getting food, or gas from the great Democrat politicians. in New York. Charlie Rangel thought that was no big deal, after all, they were going to put up tents and those people could very well go vote in the tents.

Wow. Nobody Remembers the howling and the screaming that Jesse Jackson and Charlie Rangel did during the 2000 Florida recount! Why, all those poor people who just didn’t get to the poles…it was a travesty that the Republicans kept them from voting.

That 85 degree weather was just too much to bear.

You want to talk about flip-flop. Charlie doesn’t WANT those people voting because after the horrific response to this hurricane, with Obama’s great war on gas, and the lack of help from the government, I would not doubt if some of those New Yorker’s would become overnight Republicans.

The Obama backer Mayor Bloomberg had to cancel his great marathon because he probably would have been lynched on the town square. He has…how many homes? !6? And yet THIS Obama supporter acted like the rich elite oligarch that everyone thinks is the badge of a Republican. Screw the little guy, I need to make money. Most of the sponsors, wisely, pulled out, and the rich liberals runners had to go home.

Anyway, I’m mad, and I don’t even live there. At least in Katrina, Bush sent in the Marines. And Wal-Mart was allowed in to feed and clothe people. You can bet your Charlie Rangel bootie that they won’t be let near the place…the Union thugs would be out with bats.

But this is New York.

May this be a lesson to them all.

If I were them,…in the words of Obama…I’d want revenge.

November 3, 2012 Posted by | American Culture, American History, Angry Citizens, Barack Obama, democrats, disasters, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Nobody Knows WHICH 85 Things You Need to Have in a Disaster

Nobody Knows

Since they have been predicting the end of the world, or at least a lot of really crazy riots, at least once a day you see an ad for “47 things you NEED to have!” in a disaster.

I want to know: What if there are really 48 things? What if…the world ends and you are left standing and you realize that the 48th thing that you did not get, would have saved your life? What are you going to do? Sue the guy who left out the most important thing?

What if matches are not on that list? Look what happened to Alex Baldwin in Alaska in that movie where Antony Hopkins saved his life because he happened to have matches that he could make into a compass?  (And then later killed him because he was screwing his wife.)

Nobody is more of a sucker for this stuff than me. If the world blows up, I will have any book in the world that will tell you how to do everything short of a heart transplant.

I haven’t found that book yet.

BUT…I did just recently buy the book,” 37 Food Items Sold Out After Crisis.” Right now, I need the book that says, “10 things you should do FIRST if your whole area gets hits by a hail storm” because I can’t get a rental car due to the fact, that all the “rental” cars were damaged…and I didn’t get RIGHT on the phone after the hail storm and call Enterprise….so I will have to wait, till they fix the rental cars.

Who thinks of these things? I was too busy looking at the holes in my windshield while everyone one else was on the phone making arrangements. You live long enough—I suppose it MIGHT sink in. ( I certainly hope I don’t get any dumber.) As I look through the list of important things that everyone will grab, I see that number 27 is: Hard Candy. WHY? It’s easy to carry and it gives you energy says the book. Well, so do my B-15 energy shots. They are much better for you than hard candy and give you a much quicker blast of caffeine….but, they are not on the list. is.

I once heard a doctor say, after he had done a colonoscopy on my mother, “Wow..look at all those coffee beans!” And I was sooooo glad that I hate the taste of coffee. Coffee is going to go quick, according to my 37 Food Items Sold Out After Crisis book….so a lot of people’s stomach will be filled with coffee beans which I suppose is a good thing.  

Here’s one everyone will like: Alcohol. The books says that it’s a stress reliever! Really? Who knew?

Most importantly, alcohol is a wonderful bartering tool…says the book.  I’m already practicing: “I’ll give you my Jack Daniels for your peanut butter, and 50 pounds of pasta!”

Uh…I’m….not sure about that one. Are we sending alcohol to the starving in North Korea? Maybe we should.  Maybe that’s what we’re doing wrong. Maybe if those people got drunk enough they’d get rid of those idiots who are starving them.

Number 32 says stock up on “pop tarts” Now, I don’t know who wrote this book, but I’m an expert on pop tarts. You can leave them IN the box, unopened and three weeks later…viola! They are cardboard. I know. My pop tarts would break a window if I actually took them off the shelf and threw them. I like the look of the box, because it makes me look like I have a full kitchen my pop tarts are still on my shelf. I suppose I could soak them in water if I was starving.

And then…there’s your pet. PET food is high on the list. After all, you don’t want to have to feed your dog coffee do you? You could get him drunk. That might help.

My dogs LOVE peanut butter, so peanut butter is high on my list.  I figure we could all live on peanut butter right out of the jar for a good week. Cheaper than dog food. The good thing about peanut butter is it takes hours for them to get it off their teeth. It keeps them occupied which is what you would want to do in some sort of disaster….keep your dogs from barking and letting the looters know that somewhere in that house is a person with peanut butter and alcohol.

But…what IF, you go to the grocery store and the food is all sold out? Well..the book says: go on e-bay or Craigslist and shop!

What’s wrong with this picture, I ask you?

Surely, whomever is delivering your package will just keep it. It will probably never end up at your door. If the grocery aisles are shopped out, it’s very hard to believe that our government will be feeding the postmen, and HIS family will be well stocked with your groceries.

And then, it comes down to: grow your own food. Which is okay IF the world doesn’t end in November—Then we will all starve while waiting for spring to arrive so that we can plant our seeds, which we may or may not be able to grow if Obama is still in charge.  

Nobody Knows, if the peanut butter will last through the winter.

(See what I do: when I find myself stressed out about not having a car, I tell myself there are MUCH worse scenarios in life…like not having food.) And you may ask…Is it working Joyanna?

Well…I  may not be able to get around at the moment, but I have PLENTY of peanut butter and jelly to survive. As my old history used to always say.”Everything is relative!” Which was the excuse he used to rationalize that he could mess around with his students, because..everything, including sex outside his marriage, was relative.

(Can you tell I’m already out the door to look for my new car?) I can’t think about the end of the world anymore today….go out and get your own book, I’m busy saving myself!)   

May 2, 2012 Posted by | disasters, humor, Uncategorized | , | 4 Comments

What Happens After 12-21-12?

Nobody Reports

Are you thinking about building a bunker? Are you afraid that on 12-21-12 the world will end as we know it? And are you SMART enough to use that as a pick-up line?

Well, here’s the proof that the most you have to fear…is another four years of Obama….and if he is still President on December 22, we might all wish that it was only Planet X that hit us.


March 12, 2012 Posted by | disasters, science | , , | Leave a comment

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