Nobody’s Email: Duck Tape Can’t Fix Stupid
Nobody Gets Email
Okay…after the godification of Muhammad Ali yesterday, where Billy Crystal said the famous Hillary line “We don’t need to build walls, we need to build bridges.” I think we all need to deflate and come down. I’m sure Billy Crystal has a moat with alligators around HIS house, and probably a statue of Ali in his library. Really. I love the guy. But jeez.
Anyway…enjoy these fun sayings….I did.
(Thanks to madmemere)
1. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much
I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the
Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met
I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me!
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment… Now, as a
grown up, it just feels like a small vacation….
My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no”
which is shorter than “yes.”
I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do
the second week.
Even duct tape can’t fix stupid… but it can muffle the sound!
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer
me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
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