Joyanna Adams

IKEA TWILIGHT ZONE

Nobody Knows

During the COVID lockdown, I thought it would be a wonderful time to FINALLY finish our old bedroom in our basement, which got completely destroyed from a heavy rainfall, which flooded our whole basement back in 2015. It was rain that went on for a week, never stopped. A rain that had never happened before in MY memory and I’ve lived in St. Louis since I was 17. One more week and I would have been looking for Noah.

(I believe in weather wars so don’t get started.)

So, rip out the rugs, the drywalls, repair the CRACKS in the foundation, move everything, complete overhaul of the bathroom, redo all ceilings, stop the mice infestation, dig out all mold: Every time I see those poor people in Louisiana or New Jersey, I think to myself…well, unless you win the lottery soon, good luck. That is, if your basement was completely finished off as mine was. We had total destruction.

Fast forward top 2021. Covid (Or should I say, China Joe) has put everyone into a “STOP!” mode of…do you really want to spend that money? Or should you stock up on food, mode?

And THAT’s why, I’m writing about IKEA. You know, the “Come shop like we do in Sweden!” company where, Swedish immigrants smile sweetly at you and then completely ignore you. IKEA is the— be impressed by our displays, and then push your cart and fill it like you are in the grocery store. Good Luck!

We were at the point where we decided to get all new bedroom furniture. And IKEA had the cheapest furniture around.

Now, I’m relentless when it comes to bargains. We walked the 54 miles down the blue IKEA store road and found a chest drawer, five drawers, for $179. Can’t beat that! We didn’t get it then. BIG mistake, because when we went back five weeks later, it was out of stock. Not only here, but everywhere but Chicago. Who KNOWS when it would be back? Taco Bell went out of stock of chicken and beef, so…I figure, that’s not going to happen. By the time IKEA restocks a tree might fall on my house and it won’t matter anymore. Global warming might set my house on fire. And what will it matter? Covid will kill us all.

But, after having a DREAM about finishing my bedroom, I dragged my poor husband downtown.

 I decided to change for a dresser they DID have in stock. I went to their website. TRIED to order it online, which I could do, but I couldn’t pick it up until 9pm at night. IKEA is located downtown St. Louis, and I wasn’t Snake Plissken, so we decided to drive the 40 minutes to the store to just pay for it and pick it up ourselves in the day.

The next part I am about to explain is beyond all common sense.

We backed up into the loading zone, grabbed a dolly, and marched right in and up to the place where our ‘furniture chest’ would be. If you’ve never been to an IKEA store, you do pretty much everything.

Blocking ONLY that isle was a young girl who would not let ANYONE Pass. You would have thought she was guarding Fort Knox.

“Here’s what we want to buy, but we want to pay for it now, and just take it home with us.”

ARE YOU READY?

“You do realize that you have to fill out a form by email and send it go us, saying that IF the furniture falls and injures you, we will not be liable, right?” she said.

WTH?

“We were just on your website and NOWHERE does it say any such thing about furniture not falling on your head, and you have to sign a permission to even buy it, AND email you the form.  Neither one of us have email on our phones. So, you want us to go back home, email you a form we cannot find, and then COME back and maybe you will get that email and LET us buy the Dresser…seriously?” I was amazed.

My husband, who runs one of the biggest stores in St. Louis was growing impatient.

“Well, get us a form and we’ll sign it. Not everyone has access to email on their phones.”

She was adamant “Those are the rules, and I can’t break them.”

The XNAVY SEAL was getting mad. “Let me speak to your supervisor.”

So, she called and two guys got on the phone, and she asked if we could go ahead and get the furniture.

“Well, we can do that, but don’t advertise or tell anyone that we did it.” They said.

WHAT? Does IKEA have The D.C. police on call?

She let us through her yellow tape crime scene, and we went to the loading docks and watched about 5 other cars with big men trying to lift their furniture, and almost being injured putting the huge heavy boxes of various furniture in their cars. You have to lift those big heavy boxes yourself in the store, where you surely could be injured.

You tell me, how many people have had major injuries just trying to load the stuff? In fact, just about any product you buy CAN CAUSE YOU HARM! What? Do I need to sign a form for drinking COKE?

(Which I do NOT do anymore because I’m white and they hate white people.)

For instance, the ladies at my pool think I drink bleach for Covid because Trump told me to. So, I tell them I do it every morning.

Good lord.

When we were leaving my husband made a good point: “They try to get people to live in 152-foot square room, and they sell you furniture that will fall over, if you don’t attach to the wall, but if it falls, the rooms so small it’s going to hit the adjacent wall. “

He’s right.

When we went to pay, we told the lady at the checkout our problem and she said, “Oh your fine, that’s not a problem at all!”

We have NOT taken our furniture out of the IKEA Box. I’m wondering if there is a form saying that I will not sue IKEA if the box falls on my foot, and breaks my toe.

I’ll let you know.

And that’s the reason we’ve got to get back to “BUY AMERICAN.”

That’s…another dream.

September 7, 2021 - Posted by Joyanna Adams | Uncategorized