Nobody’s Email: Pictures From Down Under
Nobody Gets Email
This just in from my friend amfortas, who lives in Tasmania! And it’s good to know, that email is pretty much the same all over the world. If you have ever gotten a “customers of Wal-Mart” email, you know what I’m talking about.
Here’s a few of the lovely pictures of life down under. (Thanks to amfortas, who lives in a much SAFER neighborhood…I hope.)
By the way…have an email you think is great?
Go ahead and send it to me—so everybody can enjoy!
Nobody’s Email: Top Ten Reasons to Vote Democrat
Nobody Gets Email:
Somebody somewhere dreamed up this David Letterman Top Ten list: We all know this is WAY better than anything Dave does anymore…so let’s all just pretend.
(Thanks to Kris)
#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd. 
#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn’t.
#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
#6. I vote Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that get police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.
#5. I vote Democrat because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.
#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.
#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.
#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
…And the
#1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it’s better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish here in America. We don’t care about the beetles, gophers or fish in those other countries.
Nobody’s Email: 2014 Conference on Aging
Nobody Gets Email
This is a great video,to set the weekend off to a good start. Fritz is a weatherman in Los Angeles…
And he could very well do standup in Vegas.
ENJOY!
(Thanks to JR)
Nobody’s Email: Two Dining Dogs
Nobody Gets Email
You either think this is funny, or cruel. My husband thinks its cruel, I thought it was funny.
Showing that not all stereotypes of the sexes work in every single case.
Enjoy! Or not.
(Thanks to JR)
Nobody’s Email: Putin, Bush, and the Queen in Hell
Nobody Gets Email
Nobody’s Email: 12-year Old Interviews Eric Holder
Nobody Gets Email
Here’s an oldie but goodie video out of my email bag…just so that we don’t forget Eric Holder and all his crimes.
Enjoy!
(Thanks to Eric Crowder)
Speaking of Muslims….
Nobody Gets Email:
It’s Saturday! Let’s get right to the good stuff:
(Thanks to Kris)
Marked dollar bill You don’t think we’re in a war?
A lady in Monte Vista, CO had this dollar bill. This is her story. After dinner she took a $1 dollar bill out of her purse and displayed it on the table. Underneath the words “In God We Trust” someone had stamped the dollar bill in red ink— NO GOD BUT ALLAH. We asked her where she got this dollar bill. She said it was part of her change in Alamosa , CO .
We took this picture of her dollar bill. These are beginning to show up all around our country! If anyone tries to give you one of these dollar bills as change, please refuse it and ask them to give you a dollar bill that has not been defaced.
Send this on to everyone you can. May God bless our USA — And quickly, before what we know and love is forever gone!
And speaking of Muslims….who doesn’t love Maxine? 
Nobody’s Perfect: Miss America VS Cartoon Characters in Times Square
Nobody’s Perfect
This week, we don’t have to go any further than that great melting pot of talent called New York.
We have a Nobody’s Perfect contest between the people who dress up as Cartoon Characters in Times Square, VS the newly crowned Miss America, who, you guessed it— is from New York!
This is going to be a tough one.
First: Let’s take the dweebs that harass tourists in Times Square. It seems there are ways to make a living, and there are ways to…make a living and not pay taxes. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to Times Square, but since Rudy Giuliani cleaned up the “LIVE SEX ON STAGE!” acts, ALL the men from Wall Street have gone mad…wait….no…. the corporates have moved in and made it a very family friendly experience— you know, a place you can take the kids and watch Batman and Spiderman duke it out…for REAL. Several weeks ago, Spiderman hit a cop, and yes, Batman and Spiderman were arrested for fighting.
Cookie Monster has been known to grab at other things besides cookies.
Since I can’t figure out why Marvel doesn’t sue these people for using their trademarked and copyrighted images, it seems the city of New York has let this go on. But, too many people are showing up dressed as Cartoon Character (70?) and that means too many guys bantering for the same $5.00.
Second: And then you have Miss America…
Kira Kazantsev, the contestant from New York, won the Miss America contest last night, and everybody today is having trouble understanding why. In the talent contest she decided to sit on the floor and play…not four, not fifteen, not twenty, but ONE plastic cup. And that was even hard for her.
I couldn’t figure this out. She had a decent voice, WHY distract from it? You can’t imagine the horror of all New Yorkers…a place that has been known to produce some of the finest talent in the world. And this insult after the fantastic funeral from a REAL New Yorker…Joan Rivers.
I don’t know about you, but it doesn’t make me want to visit Broadway any time soon.
So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?
Frankly, I didn’t watch the Miss America contest, so I’m going by the video here. I’m guessing she looked pretty good in her swimsuit, or somebody donated a LOT of money to the right judge. While the rest of America wonders what in the world this girl did in college to learn how to play cups besides drink shots of vodka, we can only wonder why she didn’t just sing the song standing on her feet. Still, there have been worse acts to come out of New York…Hillary Clinton for one.
As for Batman and Spiderman getting in a fist fight in Times Square?
Shame on them. I’m almost tempted to get a plane to New York, dress up as Wonder Woman, and throw them both out of Times Square!
(Ha! Ha!) Sure. Maybe I’ll just follow them around and beat loudly on a plastic cup, while singing “I’m Henry the VII I am!” and drive them crazy enough that they quit and get a minimum wage job like the rest of us.
So, it’s official—- the Mayor of New York wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week.
Be the draconian progressive that you are Mayor De Blasio, and make these people pay taxes like the rest of us, or let Marvel take them to court.
Didn’t you learn ANYTHING in Russia?
Save Australia!
Nobody Flashes
Al Gore said that by now, the Antarctic would have completely melted, and Florida, along with the lost chads of Al Gore, would be sunk in a sea of rising (and no doubt very cold) arctic water.
BUT…that hasn’t happened, instead it’s actually gaining ice!
From Newsmax:
The amount of Antarctic sea ice is at record levels this year, but scientists insists that doesn’t disprove global warming. Satellite images show that almost 12.5 million square miles of sea ice surrounds the continent. That’s the largest amount since records have been kept in the early 1970s. “That is roughly double the size of the Antarctic continent and about three times the size of Australia,” Jan Lieser of the Antarctic Climate and Ecosystems Cooperative Research Centre told ABC. The discovery was made late last week.
But, never fear, the global warming believers have found a global warming answer for that:
They say the sea ice is actually growing around Antarctica because stronger winds, caused by global warming, are facilitating the process by which sea ice is made. The ice is made in “sea ice factories” called polynias.
Yes. I would like to visit these sea ice factories, wouldn’t you? I have no doubt they are being run by the evil Koch brothers who are changing under-minimum wages to Salvadorians to produce this ice that is destroying the democratic dreams of domination.
We can only hope and pray global warming scientists don’t read any Michael Crichton books, because they might get the idea to actually set blasts of dynamite in that manufactured ice, and set a chunk of ice bigger than Australia out to crash into that lovely country.
I have friends there! 
Nobody Flashes…Apparently
Nobody Flashes
I told you that this kid would be a big star.
Here’s his first commercial.
(Let’s hope he stays off drugs.)
Enjoy!
Belated R.I.P—- Joan Rivers
Nobody Gets Email—
In honor of Joan Rivers passing…I think it’s only right that I post a few Jewish Jokes. We don’t think about it much, but MOST of America’s greatest comics were (and are) Jews:
Shecky Greene, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Joey Bishop, Milton Berle, Jan Murray, Danny Kaye, Henny Youngman, Buddy Hackett, Sid Caesar, Groucho Marx, Jackie Mason, Victor Borge, Woody Allen, Joan Rivers, Lenny Bruce, George Burns, Allan Sherman, Jerry Lewis, Peter Sellers, Carl Reiner, Shelley Berman, Gene Wilder, George Jessel, Alan King, Mel Brooks, Phil Silvers, Jack Carter, Rodney Dangerfield, Don Rickles, Jack Benny Mansel Rubenstein
(And to Joan from me: Of course you shouldn’t have called Michelle a Tramy…remember what happened in 1942? —-What? )
And so, Enjoy a few more Jewish Jokes and have a toast the next time you’re out telling jokes–to a very funny lady. We are going to MISS her.
(Thanks to Kris)
Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don’t like anything that isn’t 20% off.
Short summary of every Jewish holiday: 
They tried to kill us. We won. Let’s eat.
Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.”
“Force yourself,” she replied.
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) “Don’t bother. I’ll sit in the dark. I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.”
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is
Not Now.
There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.
Nobody CARES If Hillary Thinks Global Warming is the Most Important Issue!
Nobody Cares
All day long I was going to write about Hillary Clinton claiming that “climate change” is the most pressing issue on HER mind as well as the planet. Nothing is more important than millions of liberals being able to FORCE the world to leave all the steaks and filets for the rich elites!
But I got bored.
So, since this is the hottest video on Youtube right now, I posted it so that my Mensa friends can see, and rejoice, that they lost the revolution! And for good reason.
Actually, the music is pretty good.
Enjoy!
Nobody’s Email: The Gold Urinal
Nobody Get Email
Here’s one to start off the weekend with a smile!
(Thanks to Kris)
*******
The Gold Urinal
Before Obama was elected President he went to see Bill and Hillary for some campaign advice, at their spacious home.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Clinton’s private toilet, he was astonished to see that Clinton had a solid gold urinal! Wow!
That afternoon, Obama told his wife, Michelle, about the urinal. “Just think,’ he said, ‘when I am President, I too could have a gold urinal.
But I wouldn’t have something so self-indulgent!”
Later, when Michelle had lunch with Hillary, she told Hillary how impressed Obama had been at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom,
Bill had a gold urinal.
That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled and said to Bill:
“I found out who peed in your saxophone.”
What if?
Nobody Wonders
I have wondered, and it is beyond my comprehension, that certain groups of people stay mad and angry at things that happened, not only long ago, but so long ago, it seems pointless to muse, get yourself emotionally upset and bent out of shape for something that’s already happened.
Also, these people continue to want “payback’ for something that nobody in this lifetime even cares anymore about.
IF—- our founders had outlawed slavery, would our world be any different today? Maybe, but no doubt there would be other problems instead. One thing for sure, more blacks would know how to swim.
IF— Britain had won the war of 1812, would the United States be better led by the Queen? She’d be more likable, but then again, England would be Germany. And airplanes might never have been invented. OR light bulbs. OR computers…but tea at three? We’d all have better manners.
Having pondered this: I have to give a good laugh at the British diplomats in Washington, who celebrated the burning of the White House with typical good humor…
British diplomats in Washington are apologizing for Twitter posts that made light of the 200th anniversary of their troops torching the White House in the War of 1812.
The apologies were prompted after the British Embassy posted a picture Sunday of Patrick Davis, deputy British ambassador to the United States, with a caption saying he was participating in “the anniversary of burning of the White House with a BBQ.”
The picture was followed by another, about an hour later, that showed a White House replica atop a sheet cake, flanked by sparklers. The caption said: “Commemorating the 200th anniversary of burning the White House. Only sparklers this time!”
About
I am a nobody. If the different classes of America were color-coded, I would be in the yucky brown, one rung up from the bottom. I grew up in Naples, Florida and live near the Mississippi River now with my husband and two dogs. I am part of the slowly disappearing middle-class. I was a musician most of my life: drummer/singer/keyboards—but I retired before the plastic surgery flu hit. I have no degrees, which could be a good thing…depending on how you view our educational system. I do have three patents…but that really doesn’t make me a somebody. The one thing that is constant in my life is my OPINIONS, which i have more than perhaps even Carl Sagan could have imagined…mostly political. (yes…my ancestors were crabby buggers)
Hopefully other nobody’s will put their opinions on my site. But, if you happen to be a somebody, you’re more than welcomed to help out.
It’s my Nobody Opinion that Nobody’s Perfect, and Nobody Cares, that Nobody Knows why Nobody Wins, and when that happens, Nobody Wonders, why Nobody Flashes, why Nobody’s Fooled, but then Nobody remembers that Nobody ALWAYS Reports the truth.
You can email me at joyanna_adams@yahoo.com
Joyanna Adams
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