Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Belated R.I.P—- Joan Rivers

Nobody Gets Email—

In honor of Joan Rivers passing…I think it’s only right that I post a few Jewish Jokes. We don’t think about it much, but MOST of America’s greatest comics were (and are)  Jews:Joan Rivers

Shecky Greene, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Joey Bishop, Milton Berle, Jan Murray, Danny Kaye, Henny Youngman, Buddy Hackett, Sid Caesar, Groucho Marx, Jackie Mason, Victor Borge, Woody Allen, Joan Rivers, Lenny Bruce, George Burns, Allan Sherman, Jerry Lewis, Peter Sellers, Carl Reiner, Shelley Berman, Gene Wilder, George Jessel, Alan King, Mel Brooks, Phil Silvers, Jack Carter, Rodney Dangerfield, Don Rickles, Jack Benny  Mansel Rubenstein

(And to Joan from me: Of course you shouldn’t have called Michelle a Tramy…remember what happened in 1942? —-What? )

And so, Enjoy a few more Jewish Jokes and have a toast the next time you’re out telling jokes–to a very funny lady. We are going to MISS her.

(Thanks to Kris)


Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?

A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.


Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?

A: Because Jewish women don’t like anything that isn’t 20% off.


 Short summary of every Jewish holiday: cute kid five

They tried to kill us. We won.  Let’s eat. 


Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the  street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.”

“Force yourself,” she replied.


Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: (Sigh) “Don’t bother. I’ll sit in the dark. I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.”


The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like  Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is

Not Now.


There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.  In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.


Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.


 

 

 

 

 

 

September 13, 2014 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Forget Sex on Apple: How about the Sex in Washington?

Nobody Wonders

Sure…she’s old. But so is Henry Kissinger. So is Daddy Bush—and Joan Rivers had a LOT more energy than either one of them…SO…

Now, out of nowhere, she almost dies?:

The 81-year-old comedian went into cardiac and respiratory arrest last Thursday while undergoing a vocal cord procedure at a private Upper East Side clinic. She was then rushed to Mount Sinai Hospital, where she was placed in a medically induced coma.

Rivers’ family said on Tuesday morning that she remained on life support. The family didn’t specify on Wednesday whether Rivers’ move out of ICU meant she had been removed from life support.

So happy campers…do you smell a conspiracy here? Didn’t she just about say the worst thing anybody has ever said about Obama? IF in fact he is gay, and Michelle is a transvestite, they would have never made it to the White House. But is it possible?

This Nobody who made this video thinks so: (Be sure and see the testimony at the end.)

There is nobody more willing to believe that Michelle is a transvestite than me, but then I ask myself: So…who gave birth to the girls? There are many black women that look like men, but then, on the other hand, it’s pretty easy to believe that Obama is gay, and loves coke, and still does it. Hips are usually the way to tell if women are…women, and I must admit, I don’t really look at her hips much. OR her fingers. I have no clue.

On the OTHER hand, those kids could have had a surrogate mother and IN the elaborate plot to get Obama elected that would have been easy enough.

—-And if you go so far as to say that Obama and Michelle have fooled the American people about their marriage, could they have arranged for Joan Rivers to have an earlier than expected death by surgery?

Oh…this is fun! Of course they could! Bill and Hillary have paved the runway for unexpected heart attacks, plane crashes, and impossible suicides.

As for Joan, I certainly hope she makes a full recovery. And if she does, Nobody Wonders: Will she still be talking about the Obamas?

 

 

September 3, 2014 Posted by | Entertainers, Uncategorized | , , | 2 Comments

Nobody’s Perfect: Rivers VS Rickles Vs Lovitz

Nobody’s Perfect

In Hollywood, if you’re not a democrat, you are pretty much run out-of-town, and very few comedians can ignore an election year. Let’s compare shall we, three comedians and their opinions about Obama, and see which one is the MOST perfect:

FIRST: Joan Rivers…never met a liposuction she didn’t want, or an ugly dress she could ignore. Here she critiques the ongoing Republican race for the White House, and notice, when she finally criticizes Obama, Jane  Lynch comes in to defend his gray hair. (?)

And then they both “bond” in their feminists glory of being born with uteruses…as if the man has no rights…He’s just a sperm walking–and then they go into the sex jokes…

I’m beginning to think they don’t have any…sex that is. I still like Joan Rivers, but she deserves to stay on the women’s channels, where she can talk about sex changes and viagra to her hearts content.

SECOND: You don’t go on David Letterman and cut down Obama, but that’s exactly what Don Rickles did…and when the Liberal audience was offended, he didn’t care. I’d say, Don Rickles has one up on Joan Rivers, in fact, Nobody would like better than to see Don Rickles tell a few Obama jokes to Joan Rivers.

THIRD: I saved the best for last. John Lovitz is a hilarious actor. His portrayal in the Wedding Singer of a band disco singer was so true to life, I almost couldn’t believe he was not some of the people I’ve seen on karaoke stages. But here, he really lets it go here, about how unfair it is to work hard, and then have a President who wants to take it away.

Lovitz wins the “Nobody’s Perfect, but You’re Pretty Close Award” for the week. This Nobody has now become an even BIGGER fan, and even Lovitz says the offers are pouring in from everywhere.

The contest—- wasn’t even close.

June 11, 2012 Posted by | Entertainers, humor, Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment

   

%d bloggers like this: