Nobody Knows WHICH 85 Things You Need to Have in a Disaster
Nobody Knows
Since they have been predicting the end of the world, or at least a lot of really crazy riots, at least once a day you see an ad for “47 things you NEED to have!” in a disaster.
I want to know: What if there are really 48 things? What if…the world ends and you are left standing and you realize that the 48th thing that you did not get, would have saved your life? What are you going to do? Sue the guy who left out the most important thing?
What if matches are not on that list? Look what happened to Alex Baldwin in Alaska in that movie where Antony Hopkins saved his life because he happened to have matches that he could make into a compass? (And then later killed him because he was screwing his wife.)
Nobody is more of a sucker for this stuff than me. If the world blows up, I will have any book in the world that will tell you how to do everything short of a heart transplant.
I haven’t found that book yet.
BUT…I did just recently buy the book,” 37 Food Items Sold Out After Crisis.” Right now, I need the book that says, “10 things you should do FIRST if your whole area gets hits by a hail storm” because I can’t get a rental car due to the fact, that all the “rental” cars were damaged…and I didn’t get RIGHT on the phone after the hail storm and call Enterprise….so I will have to wait, till they fix the rental cars. 
Who thinks of these things? I was too busy looking at the holes in my windshield while everyone one else was on the phone making arrangements. You live long enough—I suppose it MIGHT sink in. ( I certainly hope I don’t get any dumber.) As I look through the list of important things that everyone will grab, I see that number 27 is: Hard Candy. WHY? It’s easy to carry and it gives you energy says the book. Well, so do my B-15 energy shots. They are much better for you than hard candy and give you a much quicker blast of caffeine….but, they are not on the list. But..coffee is.
I once heard a doctor say, after he had done a colonoscopy on my mother, “Wow..look at all those coffee beans!” And I was sooooo glad that I hate the taste of coffee. Coffee is going to go quick, according to my 37 Food Items Sold Out After Crisis book….so a lot of people’s stomach will be filled with coffee beans which I suppose is a good thing.
Here’s one everyone will like: Alcohol. The books says that it’s a stress reliever! Really? Who knew? 
Most importantly, alcohol is a wonderful bartering tool…says the book. I’m already practicing: “I’ll give you my Jack Daniels for your peanut butter, and 50 pounds of pasta!”
Uh…I’m….not sure about that one. Are we sending alcohol to the starving in North Korea? Maybe we should. Maybe that’s what we’re doing wrong. Maybe if those people got drunk enough they’d get rid of those idiots who are starving them.
Number 32 says stock up on “pop tarts” Now, I don’t know who wrote this book, but I’m an expert on pop tarts. You can leave them IN the box, unopened and three weeks later…viola! They are cardboard. I know. My pop tarts would break a window if I actually took them off the shelf and threw them. I like the look of the box, because it makes me look like I have a full kitchen pantry..so my pop tarts are still on my shelf. I suppose I could soak them in water if I was starving.
And then…there’s your pet. PET food is high on the list. After all, you don’t want to have to feed your dog coffee do you? You could get him drunk. That might help.
My dogs LOVE peanut butter, so peanut butter is high on my list. I figure we could all live on peanut butter right out of the jar for a good week. Cheaper than dog food. The good thing about peanut butter is it takes hours for them to get it off their teeth. It keeps them occupied which is what you would want to do in some sort of disaster….keep your dogs from barking and letting the looters know that somewhere in that house is a person with peanut butter and alcohol. 
But…what IF, you go to the grocery store and the food is all sold out? Well..the book says: go on e-bay or Craigslist and shop!
What’s wrong with this picture, I ask you?
Surely, whomever is delivering your package will just keep it. It will probably never end up at your door. If the grocery aisles are shopped out, it’s very hard to believe that our government will be feeding the postmen, and HIS family will be well stocked with your groceries.
And then, it comes down to: grow your own food. Which is okay IF the world doesn’t end in November—Then we will all starve while waiting for spring to arrive so that we can plant our seeds, which we may or may not be able to grow if Obama is still in charge.
Nobody Knows, if the peanut butter will last through the winter.
(See what I do: when I find myself stressed out about not having a car, I tell myself there are MUCH worse scenarios in life…like not having food.) And you may ask…Is it working Joyanna?
(Can you tell I’m already out the door to look for my new car?) I can’t think about the end of the world anymore today….go out and get your own book, I’m busy saving myself!)
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About
I am a nobody. If the different classes of America were color-coded, I would be in the yucky brown, one rung up from the bottom. I grew up in Naples, Florida and live near the Mississippi River now with my husband and two dogs. I am part of the slowly disappearing middle-class. I was a musician most of my life: drummer/singer/keyboards—but I retired before the plastic surgery flu hit. I have no degrees, which could be a good thing…depending on how you view our educational system. I do have three patents…but that really doesn’t make me a somebody. The one thing that is constant in my life is my OPINIONS, which i have more than perhaps even Carl Sagan could have imagined…mostly political. (yes…my ancestors were crabby buggers)
Hopefully other nobody’s will put their opinions on my site. But, if you happen to be a somebody, you’re more than welcomed to help out.
It’s my Nobody Opinion that Nobody’s Perfect, and Nobody Cares, that Nobody Knows why Nobody Wins, and when that happens, Nobody Wonders, why Nobody Flashes, why Nobody’s Fooled, but then Nobody remembers that Nobody ALWAYS Reports the truth.
You can email me at joyanna_adams@yahoo.com
Joyanna Adams
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Joyanna Adams 
Thanks for saving me the time and money Joyanna! I was looking at this guys BS and event though it was the same spiel and format that all those information combination experts use, I almost bought it just because it’s on $27 bucks and I thought that maybe there would be some value. However the revelation that “one should go on to craigslist to buy food if it wasn’t at the store” says it all to me. SCAM! I mean the idea of being prepared and having a rotating stock pile of supplies is good advice and that includes water. The funny thing is that, at my house, we already do that with our pet food but not our own food go figure!?! Anyway Cheers for helping save me a few bucks and doing it with some humor to boot! I hope you found the car of your dreams and got the extra strong windshield! :^)>
Thomas
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Thanks Thomas! Funny, at my house WE have extra big bags of dogfood stored too? What does this mean? (LOL!) They say you CAN eat dog food….
And yes, we got a Veloster…really cool car…
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The nation is full of Boy Scouts, all being Prepared. But where’s the creativity?
The French have 37 ways of cooking cabbage and more for cooking snails and frogs. Their haute cuisine was ‘created’ during the Revolution (like wot you had) when there was a total breakdown and no food in the shops.So where is your cook-book and survival recommendations for groundhog stew? Not that the natives of New York city could find a groundhog, but they do have a very large supply of rats. Come to think of it, so does Houston now that Enron has closed and all those rats are on the loose.
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LOL!
Joyanna Adams
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