Obama Speaks to the Nation, Without Bo

Nobody Cares

 Nobody watched Obama’s speech today. At least, half of it… anymore and I would have needed two cases of Red Bull. Here’s the problem.:If you are not a well read person, and you get all your news from TV…you would have thought that most of Obama’s BS, about how nothing is his fault but the other parties, actually had some truth to it.  Obama doesn’t talk to us like adults, he talks down to everyone. And this Nobody wants to know who is writing this guy’s speeches. Anyway, here’s  short summary. 

What did Obama tell the nation in his speech today?

Obama— Now, children: I am going to protect you from those big evil banks. When there is an unfairness in any business, trust me, I will be there to save the American people from outlandish fees that the banks are putting on every single poor citizen in this country.

KID— But, my daddy says the reason he can’t buy me that new video game is because the government takes too much taxes out of his paycheck? Is the bank taking money out too?

Obama— Well no, but the bank did some things that were…not nice. LEGAL, but not very nice.

KID—My mommy said that they should have gone to jail.

Obama— Well, we can’t do anything about that, but if my new jobs bill is passed, your daddy and mommy will never have to drive over that scary bridge every morning. You like that don’t you?

KIDS—What’s wrong with the bridge?

Obama—Every single bridge in America is falling apart kids. Your daddy or mommy might fall off those bridges some day and have to go to the hospital.

KID— My daddy says that we don’t have the money to build new bridges.

Obama— Well, if we pass this new jobs bill, we will…we’ve already figured out a way to pay for it!

KIDs—Really?

Obama: Yes, your mommy and daddy will pay for it, by the fact that, with the new rules under the EPA, under my guidance, we will have to necessarily raise all the utility bills. The good news is, we won’t have to borrow from China!

KID: oh.

Obama: Any more questions?

KID: Uh…mommy says solar panels don’t work, is that true?

Obama: Well, that’s just nonsense…of course they do. In fact in my jobs plan we will give billions of dollars to new companies in order for us to compete with China who is already beyond us in this field. We don’t want that to happen, do we? Have China be better than us in new energy?

KID: But, isn’t China also beating us in the space race? I heard they were going to the moon? Are we going to the Moon?

Obama: We’ve already been there sweetheart.

KID: Daddy says you sent guns to the Mexicans.

Obama: No, I did not. But, I did kill Osama bin Laden.

KID: But, the guns might come over here and hurt us.

Obama: I don’t want you to be scared about that. We are going to deport all the illegal’s who are criminals from our country. And also, Hillary Clinton ..has signed a small arms treaty with the United Nations to protect all American from guns.  We will be gathering all the dangerous guns up in the very near future…so that you won’t have to worry.

KIDs: Mr. President: Can I still eat a cupcake?

Obama: Sure you can…just don’t get fat! Uh any more questions?

KID: Are Republicans mean?

Obama: Well…in a way they are. They are keeping teachers and firemen from getting back their old jobs. And every time I try to do something they block me. And that means, they are blocking the voice of the American people because kids, we live in a democracy, and you know what that means?

KIDs: NO

Obama: it means that whoever won the election gets to rule. And I won.

Obama: Now, before I go…can anyone tell me what I am saying here? (points to picture of himself in book)

One KID jumps up and down with his hand held high…

Obama: YES?

KID: You’re saying CUPCAKES for everyone if we pass the jobs bill!

Obama: Well, yes I am.

(Obama turns to his aid and whispers: “Give that kid a gold star, and invite him to my next State of the Union. I want to use him in that infomercial…What happened to that damn dog? Didn’t I tell you to get Bo here for this thing? Well go take the plane and get him!

October 6, 2011 Posted by Joyanna Adams | humor, Obama | dogs, Humor, Obama, politics | 2 Comments