Could Dracula’s Bloodline Run Through Obama’s Veins?

Nobody Remembers

Now that the fun and parties of the holidays are almost over, we must remember: The bloodsucking taxes of Obamacare will be hitting us in 2014, so I’m using that unpleasant thought to go back in history in order to’ remember’ the first most famous bloodsucker in history: Dracula.

Once upon a time, in the part of Romania called Wallachia, there was a Hungarian Prince called Mircea the Elder. Mircea had a son out of wedlock, and so, Planned Parenthood not being founded yet, he named the son Vlad and gave him away to be bought up in the court of Hungary’s King Sigismund, no doubt to keep him away from his wife.

That seemed a smart move at the time, but we all know what happens when parents desert their children and let other people raise them.  (See White House)

When Micea died, Vlad was not given control of Wallachia, (remember, he was a one-night stand) but to make him feel a bit better, he was made a Knight of the Order of the Dragon. The Dragons were formed to defend the Christian world from the Turks. And to make him feel even more important, they gave him the name Dracul, which means dragon, and made him the governor of Transylvania.

They do this same strange habit today to pacify certain people. Since Hillary is from Chicago, she should have run as a Senator of Chicago, but…she was not allowed so they let her be a Senator of New York.

I know, off subject.

Dracul had three legitimate sons in Transylvania: Mircea, Vlad and Radu. And so he went and took back his dad’s seat of power in Wallachia, but instead of being a true Dragon, he got the Turks to help him do it.

So much for the honor of the Dragon.

Dracul, like his father before him, sent two of his sons, Vlad and Radu to live in Adrianople, which was the seat of the Ottoman Empire. This sending kids away from their parents, never ends up well. As it happens, this time it was a good thing they were away because in 1448, Dracul and Mirea (Dad and oldest son) were killed in Wallachia by the Hungarian government and that made the Turks pretty nervous.

SO— What to do? The Hungarians had taken BACK Wallachia. So the Turks armed 17-year-old Vlad, who was known as “Son of Dragon,” which is what the name Dracula really means, and after a few years of fighting, Dracula, son of Dracul, took back his throne in Wallachia, and announced he was going to be called Prince Vlad III

( A name that I think Obama should seriously consider when he gets back off his vacation.)

THEN— Right after he was crowned Prince, Dracula invited all the destitute souls from the streets of his kingdom to a great feast at his castle. After the feast he got all the poor, frail, and aged and asked if they would like to be without care, lacking nothing in this world?

To which they all cried, “I want my Obamaphone!” No, that was just one lady, who was the mother of Nostradamus, but they all, of course said, “YES! YES! And FOOD STAMPS, please!”

And then— Dracula boarded up the castle and—- set it on fire.  He said, there was little place in his society for people who would be a burden, and anybody who did not contribute to the community should receive little sympathy. (And to think– we now see this very same concept in Common Core)

And YOU thought Obamacare came from the communist playbooks. HA! Read your history.

Dracula didn’t stop there. He took similar action with Wallachia’s dignitaries. He had the old ones impaled, and sent the others to build him a castle at Poenari. (Which still stands today) And then he got his own nobles put in their old positions.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: Gee. Obama fired all our top generals, he’s stacking the courts with his buddies that will obey him…he’s just like Dracula!

HA! Not yet. You see, Dracula really enjoyed watching people die by being hoisted onto sharpened poles. His people called him Vlad the Impaler. He liked to skin people and boil them alive. He killed children and the old, and it is said that 20,000 dead bodies hung from the walls of Tirgoviste, and by the end of his time, he had killed 80,000, or who know how many? This was before we had government accountants.

Dracula liked everyone to see the impaled bodies. It was his way of getting good PR for the Dracula Health Care Plan.

Have you heard Obama say he wanted to do any of these things? NO. All he has said is that if his enemies bring a knife to the fight, he will bring a gun. No, Obama is much kinder. Instead of putting people in boiling water and watching them die, he just likes to hear that they will be dying from lack of his Obamacare…slowly, painfully, and with no mercy.

That’s a far cry from impaling. Obama may have much in common with Dracula, but you must admit, his methods of killing are much more civilized.

Dracula was so disgusting that even the Turks couldn’t stand him anymore, and so the Turks sent his brother Ragu to kill him. Like most megalomaniacs, Dracula ran, and Ragu ruled for awhile. After Ragu died of syphilis, Dracula came back and got back his throne But the Turks, in the end, came back and killed him.

The Ottoman Sultan then displayed his head on a spike in Constantinople…just to assure everyone that the wicked witch of the North was really dead.

There ‘s a bloodsucking message to be learned here: Taxes can suck the life out of you surely as someone impaling you and watching you die a slow death.

Nobody Thinks Obama and Vlad, both children thrown away by their own parents, have something in common. Dracula loved watching people die, slow and painfully. And by the looks of it, Obama is getting a big kick out of watching Americans be tortured in a slow death..spiral with no revival.

Forget the birth certificate: Let’s run a DNA blood test, and look for the Dracula blood line. Think I’m crazy?

In October 2011, Prince Charles publicly claimed that he is a descendant of Vlad the Impaler. The claim accompanied his announcement of a pledge to help conserve the forested areas of Transylvania.

See? Obama is related by blood to George W. Bush, who IS related to Prince Charles.

I’m serious. Maybe there IS a torture gene. (Okay, I’ll shut up.)

(Note: Some historians have put a honorable twist on Dracula saying he had to protect himself from the Muslims, since he was a Christian. WHY the Christians want to claim him is beyond me.)

December 26, 2013 - Posted by Joyanna Adams | History, Obamacare, Uncategorized | History, Humor, Obamacare