Nobody Gets Email: Bill Clinton’s Columbian Dreams
Nobody Gets Email:
After that last video, I thought I’d give everyone a break.
(Thanks to Tom Beebe)
Nobody Cares About Friday
Nobody Cares
It’s Friday, and I was thinking about how they made such a big deal about the Shuttle being carted off to retirement to the Smithsonian last week. They kept saying it was a “great day!” But it felt more like the death of an empire. I felt like Superman was put forever into a bed of krypton. It was depressing. But…as I look around the internet, nobody but me seems to be upset about this sad day but me. 
Here we see the very latest in technology. They have added an exercise bike to the Cadillac. Yes, now you can make that wife of yours get in shape on the way to pick up the kids. 
And if you’d like to practice flying a Boeing 737, you can now buy your own, like this guy did. James Price put a 1969 Boeing 737 in his garage. It’s the only one in the world that has a flight simulator in it.
What he doesn’t have is rear view mirrors that simulate stupid people standing behind the engines to get a thrill on takeoff. 
That about sums up how I feel about this week’s news. I’ve fallen in a hole of Bazaar.
To Boldly Go..Star Treking…
Nobody Wonders–
Some times you have to boldly go and make a fool of yourself and that’s what I did today with my Trekkie friend Pattie at the Star Trek Exhibition down at the St. Louis Science center.
Here you can see, Captain Pattie remains cool and calm while I freak out at the Federation ship she just blew up. Of course, then we had to make a run for it, (Federations are never very nice when you blow them up) and Scottie beamed us back in time, while I kept the phaser on for any last-minute attacks: Pattie was checking for atmospheric weather amoralities….and we both somehow landed in Kirk’s Captain seat, which of course, we were fighting over..(because we, like smart women everywhere, were not ABOUT to pay for two pictures!)–untill we looked over and saw..two strange creatures from another planet..making strange gestures at us. I didn’t catch their names, but since we were from the future, we have no idea who those people were. They looked like a very nice married couple from some house in the Late Great America. I believe that is an American Flag behind that man. That must have been BEFORE China took it over. Anyway…
It was a rough day, and I’m glad we made it back to the future where you can still be silly, even if you’re NOT drinking. 
The Kids: Brain VS Brawn
Nobody Reports
Scientists all over the world have been frantically trying to figure out how to make humans smarter. But once in a while mother nature blurbs kids out with more brains than even our smartest people…putting a hold on brain transformation a few more years.
That’s four-year- old Heidi Hankins, of England…who recently joined Mensa. Hankins has scored an IQ of 159 – just one point beneath the estimated IQ of Albert Einstein, father of the Theory of Relativity, and comparable to the estimated IQ of Stephen Hawking, one of the most noted physicists of the modern age. But it wasn’t Heidi’s bright idea to join Mensa. Her father, Matthew Hankins, 46, a lecturer at the University of Southampton, came up with that one.
“We always thought Heidi was pretty bright because she was reading early. I happen to specialize in measuring I.Q.s in children, and I was curious about her and the results were off the scale.”
Well. of course they were, DAD! (no bias here)
Nobody Wonders: What good all that IQ will do her, when she is one day, all grown up, and happens to run into this young man? Sure, he’s just a couple of years her junior. But, for all of Heidi’s great IQ, I am willing to bet, that it won’t be the IQ that will dominate..it will be the hormones rushing through her body. That bright IQ of hers will melt into puddles if he evens comes near her and shows just how strong one human can get from doing pull-ups for 22 years straight. He could have the brains of a democrat in heat, and she won’t care.
After all…ask any man with a high IQ what happens when a pretty girl goes by.
If you are like me, you can only imagine what this kid is going to become. They should have a MENSA for superhuman boys. Nobody Thinks this father was pumping testosterones into his son’s milk bottles, and just like Heidi’s dad…was going for the records.
Enjoy!
And notice, the kids not dumb. He knows he needs to get up on the chair, but he can’t budge it. A few more pushups, and dad will have to put the Kiddie program on the ceiliing.
Nobody Flashes :Doc Brown’s Tea
Nobody Flashes
This guy is REALLY funny. Somehow he combines a nice cup of tea to RAP. And he’s a very good rapper!
Enjoy! If you’re not laughing at the end of this, then may I suggest you might consider taking Prozac.
Nobody’s Email: Ben Stein
Nobody Gets Email
It’s hard not to like Ben Stein. Here’s one of my favorite quotes from the most famous teacher in any movie.
Nobody Notes: If you haven’t seen Ben’s Stein’s EXPELLED, you should. Right away. In fact, see it twice.
(Thanks to Pattie.)
Paradoxical Quote of The Day From Ben Stein:
“Fathom the Hypocrisy of a Government
that requires every citizen to prove
they are insured … but not everyone
must prove they are a citizen.”
Nobody Cares About the Ocean Currents
Nobody Cares
Here is a really cool visual representation of the Ocean currents between June of 2005 to December 2007. If you look REALLY hard, you can see Al Gore’s butt.
Enjoy!
(Thanks to amfortas)
Nobody’s Imaginary Vacation!
Nobody Flashes
Since my last vacation happened BEFORE Disney died, I like to sit around and think of what kind of vacation I would think up for rich people and their friends…you know, the “Let me help you get a life” vacation? I could be a damn good travel agent for the average billionaire who is tired of going to the South Of France..
Here’s one that I think they would enjoy:
First: The owner of this vacation would pick 1,000 of his favorite people, and pile them on Air Force One outside of Dulles. All that would be needed is a simple $3 billion dollar campaign fund donated to Obama’s re-election money bags, and you would have the finest jet in the world take you and your friends to the thrilling land of S. Korea.
Come on…when was the last time you were in South Korea? The only catch is, “President” Obama might want to come along for the ride since he’ll go anywhere for a party.
Second: You will arrive in Panmunjom, the demilitarized Zone between North and South Koreas….Meeting you at the airstrip will be 250 brand new Mercedes Benz Mini-Vans to take you and your guests to the place where you are going to be spending the night.
Your vans will pull up to the Tentanic..yes, a tent that can hold 1,000 people. There you will spend the night being poured the finest champange, while Celine Dion performs her best hit from the Titanic movie: “I’ll be loving you…in all the old familiar places..back of cars where you embrace me….long agoooooo.”
Wait. No…well, she’s only going to be there singing the one hit from the Titianic, and you will be allowed to smash glasses and throw whatever happens to be on the floor. And don’t worry—Whatever happens in that tent: STAYS in that tent. 
Third: The next day– a real treat! Golf. In pairs of four, everyone will get to play the most dangerous golf course in the world, which sits in the demilitarized zone between North and South Korea. There is only one hole to play: a par three..192 yards, but the rough is filled with land mines! Think of the fun bets you could win by challenging the other team to go in and get his ball! 
Forth: Be sure and ask the “President to play. Donate another $ 5 billion to his campaign.
Fifth:After that fun game of golf, everyone will get back in their Mini-vans and head off to the nearest Ocean. There you will all be given your very own submarine to explore the sea in. Those that do NOT want to participate in this event, have get to sit on the beach and smoke Lamborghini cigarettes, if they like. (One pack: $2,700)
At the end of the day, when all the subs are discarded, everyone will get back in the Mini-vans to get back on Air Force One. Be sure and tell the pilot that the President in on board. If he isn’t, don’t worry. You gave him enough money to get a ride back to the states. Let him buy his own damn plane. 
Hey…did you have fun! Nobody thanks you for traveling on Nobody’s Imaginary Vacations! (Thanks to LuxuryLaunches for all the inspiration!)
Nobody’s Email: Two-Year-Old Star
Nobody Gets Email
Oh my god…help me. It’s Saturday, and there is this guy on Book TV , who just wrote a book called “Constitution Cafe” and he just wants to change our Constitution. He’s liberal, stupid, and he’s driving me nuts.
He likes some Constitution in some other country that guarantees “Happy Material and Cultural” …whatever …to everyone. So “Cultural” means that Muslims can beat their wives I suppose, and “material” means the rich must give to the poor.
We have communists, Martha, coming out of the woodwork, who have NO idea that they are communist. They think they are “enlightened” shamans. Good god…help me.
So, I’ll shut up now, and we can watch this remarkable little guy perform, I am in desperate need of some comic relief.
Enjoy!
(Thanks to Pattie)
‘President’ Obama Talks to Easter Bunny
Nobody Wins
For his Easter message, Obama has come out and tried to tell us all, just how much strength he gets from Jesus, because you see…Obama said this:
“Like us, Jesus knew doubt. Like us, Jesus knew fear, It puts in perspective our small problems relative to the big problems he was dealing with. It gives us courage, it gives us hope. We all have experiences that shake our faith. There are times we question God’s plan…but that’s precisely when we should remember Jesus’ own doubts and eventually his triumph.”
Obama likes to talk about Jesus, especially on Easter: Last year, he said this:
“I wanted to host this breakfast for a simple reason — because as busy as we are, as many tasks as pile up, during this season, we are reminded that there’s something about the resurrection — something about the resurrection of our savior, Jesus Christ, that puts everything else in perspective,” he said. “We all live in the hustle and bustle of our work. And everybody in this room has weighty responsibilities, from leading churches and denominations, to helping to administer important government programs, to shaping our culture in various ways.”
The Easter Bunny, who was standing next to him…had to interpret what Obama told since ‘Presidents’ have speechwriters. According to the real Easter Bunny, who was hiding in the bush next to Obama, Obama turned to the FAKE Easter Bunny and said this:
“You know …I’d like to tell Jesus, he had it good. He didn’t have a lot of nasty Republicans out to crucify him every single day. They want to nail me to the cross. I think, that…well, I could be Jesus. I’m a whole lot like Jesus, because nobody seems to realized just how hard it is to be President. I didn’t make this mess. And uh..uh…I have plans to fundamentally change the world…HELL, I could SAVE the world, just like Jesus, don’t they get that? These stupid hicks in the United States are making it hard to do what I need to do. I can’t pay attention to that crummy Constitution, and I’m getting tired of tiptoeing and reading teleprompters. I want to really say what I want, when I want. Hell, what’s wrong with these people? Too many people are clinging to their guns and bibles. I glad they think that Jesus was a swell guy, in fact, he was a lot like me. I know I’ve been picked to save the world, but it’s just going to take time. ….(pause) ….That’s why I need all the help of the church. I want all the priests in every Sunday Easter Service to get on my message. Tell them they need to get their congregation to vote for ME…uh..because I have suffered like Jesus…That’s how I’m going to get the votes I need. Tell them to tell the people in that I…I’m being crucified, just like Jesus. Tell them that they will STARVE because they won’t get any more money from me, unless they get those lazy Sunday home fried chicken-eating idiots out to the voting booths. Jesus…I only have so many buses. I want that repeated every Sunday until election day, and I mean it.”
(Fake Easter Bunny shakes his head, yes. REAL Easter Bunny burps.)
“I want to feed the poor blacks, the hungry, the Muslims, and I need another four years to get my important government programs set in stone. So, uh..remember that on Easter…now, Joe…take off that silly bunny suit, and go get me a Latte. ”
(Nobody Wins when your President starts thinking he’s Jesus.)
Turn It On!
Nobody Gets Email
I just got this: somebody did the sensible thing and suggested we celebrate our inventions by turning it all on.
Nobody turned anything off…I love my electric, in fact, I’m going to go turn on the air. So…in my Nobody’s Opinion: This was Cool!
(Thanks to amfortas)
Nobody Fixes a Toilet like a Space Man
Nobody Flashes
Did you know that there were two guys in the Space Station right now? Dan Burbank and Don Pettit are floating above us at this very minute. (I think) And what are they doing there? More importantly, did we the American Taxpayers have to pay the Russians $40 million dollars for two America men to get up to the Space Station just to fix the toilet and put out the garbage?
I love the internet…it’s like a box of chocolate, you never know when you are going to see Forest Gump Candy Wrappers floating around a space station, while good American men are trying to perform brain surgery in space, in shorts, and with a sense of humor. I would have liked to see the version they didn’t post.
Toward the end of the video you get the feeling that Don Pettit is trying to reassure Al Gore that they are being very careful about all that space garbage…AND the toilet. I got a kick out this video…but I would have liked it more if it was Al Gore floating up there fixing the toilet.
You can’t have it all, can you?
Enjoy!
About
I am a nobody. If the different classes of America were color-coded, I would be in the yucky brown, one rung up from the bottom. I grew up in Naples, Florida and live near the Mississippi River now with my husband and two dogs. I am part of the slowly disappearing middle-class. I was a musician most of my life: drummer/singer/keyboards—but I retired before the plastic surgery flu hit. I have no degrees, which could be a good thing…depending on how you view our educational system. I do have three patents…but that really doesn’t make me a somebody. The one thing that is constant in my life is my OPINIONS, which i have more than perhaps even Carl Sagan could have imagined…mostly political. (yes…my ancestors were crabby buggers)
Hopefully other nobody’s will put their opinions on my site. But, if you happen to be a somebody, you’re more than welcomed to help out.
It’s my Nobody Opinion that Nobody’s Perfect, and Nobody Cares, that Nobody Knows why Nobody Wins, and when that happens, Nobody Wonders, why Nobody Flashes, why Nobody’s Fooled, but then Nobody remembers that Nobody ALWAYS Reports the truth.
You can email me at joyanna_adams@yahoo.com
Joyanna Adams
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