Sheep..or Gold? Which Is the Best Investment?
Nobody Cares
Somewhere in China, rich Muslims tycoons are making long trips to out-of-way farms to purchase one of these guys: A BIG sheep. (see picture below)for..$2.5 million dollars. Really, I don’t EVEN want to know what in the world these Muslim tycoons DO with these big sheep…but let me say, an American would say Las Vegas was cheaper.
OR..You can buy these solid gold glasses just to hang on your neck at the next office party, as a ornament. They are only worth $68,135 dollars.
I am really having a hard time deciding which one I should include in my portfolio. If I got the sheep, I wouldn’t have to mow my lawn, but then again…I might lose a husband. The eyeglasses on the other hand, would in less than a day be lost. I lose all my glasses. BUT, you can melt gold. Not much you can do with a sheep. And I’m not sure that Chinese Muslims would pay for the shipping costs, when I got tired of my goat. Or …sheep. or whatever that thing is.
I still need to think about this.
(Nobody Makes This Stuff Up)
What Do Presidents Talk About On the Golf Course?
Nobody’s Perfect:
When Bill Clinton was President, it was reported in Newsmax, that according to one of his personal secret service men, President Bill Clinton, at one time, had mislaid the ‘football.’ The nuclear football. The one he needs in case we are being attacked. He simply couldn’t remember where it was. And what was even more upsetting to the secret service man, he didn’t seem to think it was important.
Last week, a “moon” rock worth millions of dollars was found in an old box, by somebody from Bill’s Clinton’s government office. No doubt he forgot he was keeping it to give a grandchild someday.
So, Bill loses things. Here– Nobody can imagine the conversation last Saturday between Bill and Obama while they played a round of golf.
*****
Obama: Bill, …I really need that suitcase. You know I’m finally bringing home the troops, and hell Bill, you heard what Cheney said, he’s afraid one of them guys might release their nukes here.
Bill: I know..I know…I just don’t remember. I think I might have left it at the Adams, but I’m not sure. You know, I had Hillary down my neck at the time I lost it, ..and Monica might have taken it— she was always around, I don’t know. I don’t THINK she took it, ah…damn. I wish I could remember…you know, I wouldn’t put it pass some of those guys that were watching me to take it and say I lost it.
Obama: I thought they found it?
Bill: Well, no: We just said they found it. Bush never mentioned it to you, did he?
Obama: No, every time I asked him he just smiles and says, “Don’t you have it?”
Bill: Yeah, that sounds like something he’d say. (laughs)
Obama: Besides–you just lost a rock worth millions Bill. I don’t care, that’s money in the bank.
Bill: Oh, I thought I gave it to Steven Spielberg…really. I don’t know what they found in my files. Hillary told me she had shredded everything from Arkansas. So, blame her. You know Hillary.
Obama: (Gets fed up)…Whatever. I need that suitcase Bill. Really.
Bill: I know, I know…Hey, did you see where my ball went?
This makes ten so far I’ve lost. (really, 20)
Obama: You’re in the rough Bill. Again.
(Nobody makes this stuff up.)
Simon Says: WAVE OBAMA!
NOBODY KNOWS
When this picture first came out…everybody thought it was photo-shopped. After all who in the world would do such a adolescent thing?
Comes to find out…our President!
So, who was he waving at?
Hi World! I just made a really fantastic speech here…did you hear it? I know, I’m in the middle again, and it was not easy to get here either. The lady next to me kept standing on my foot. I want you to know, that I did not photo-shop my birth certificate as they say…no..this is proof. Everyone is going to fight over whether I’m REALLY in this picture..because I look so fake! See! Something can look fake and it’s actually real! So America..you are a bunch of fools because that birth certificate is just as real as me standing here waving at cha! Ask that guy in the front row…he knows. Besides…here at the United Nations, I am the best and only hope for the world. I follow the just and equal Charter of the U.N., and hey—all I have to do is pay for a few more hotel bills. Oh…and that guy behind me is just another gook. These people really need me, and there are rumors that I might get the head job here if the elections don’t go so well. As President of the U.N. I will be able to get rid of that pesky Netanyahu who keeps trying to tell me Jewish history. Really. As if I don’t know.
Okay, so he looks like he is saying “Hi mom!” Don’t be fooled. He was probably waving at somebody he wanted to catch up with, forgetting that he would spoil the picture because to Obama…he IS the picture.
Either that or someone yelled out, “Hey Obama..WAVE!” And they caught the picture just to mess up his day! And that is why everyone else in the picture is laughing, because he is so stupid, he did it. Like when as kids you played Simon Says: Without saying Simon Says first.
Hey Obama…WAVE!
And he did. Photographer…wins!
Rodent Discrimination
Nobody Wonders….
If I could get 13 of my backyard rats to do this. I really don’t want to remain a nobody all my life. Does Guinness accept rodent tricks?
I would name them after condiments too: Ketchup, pickles, mustard, salt, pepper, mayo, horseradish, ginger, hot sauce, red, honey mustard…and rat dog.
I looked, and the rat is pretty much ignored in the Guinness World Record Book.
I’m writing my Congressmen…who…as a rat, will be sure to help out in this gross injustice.
(Nobody didn’t WANT to make this stuff up, but I couldn’t help myself.)
Ronald Reagan Saw a UFO?
Nobody Knows
—that Ronald Reagan saw a UFO, and wanted to build Star Wars, not only to protect us from the Russians, but also from any visitors from other planets. Not to mention, who knew Dan was selling Vodka?
Now, we know!
Nobody’s Perfect, No. 2: Bernice King VS Michelle Bachmann
Nobody’s Perfect
Let me say right off: The reason I posted Michelle’s big blooper on “Elvis’s birthday” (when it was actually the day he died) was because, I have wasted too much time searching for the “mistake” that Bernice King made at the MLK memorial ceremony. She said that President Abraham Lincoln signed the Declaration of Independence, which was equally as amazing.
So, let’s compare: Michelle is running for the Presidency. Should she know Elvis’s birthday? Some people might say that Elvis was just as important to America as Martin Luther King. My neighbor for one. Is Elvis’s birthday going to effect her dicisions in the White House? Probably not. The only person insulted by this really idiotic mistake would be Elvis fans.
And then, we have Bernice King, who reads right through her speech at the memorial for her father and says that Abraham Lincoln signed The Declaration of Independence.
Excuse me? Did Popeye sign The Constitution? Did Jesse Jackson tour with the the Dave Clark Five? Was it the white people who sold their fellow countrymen to slavery? Did Obama say the United States has 57 states?
Oh..well,—yes he did…and he went to HARVARD.
Was Daddy King so busy marching for civil rights that he forgot to teach his kids anything? One thing King’s children DO know how to do is milk the taxpayers. The Kings have been making big money off their daddy’s name for years, and this memorial was no exception.
What bothered me the most was her comparing Lincoln “sitting down” and MLK “standing up.” (See video here) What was she saying? The blacks will rule everyone in the future. Hang in there. Someday, Martin Luther King will write the NEW Declaration of Black Independence, where diversity is mandated to mean that every black will get hired before every white, as is their American right, and I suppose that it will be said by future KINGS that Abraham Lincoln signed that too.
Nobody is bothered by this: John Adams and his son John Quincy Adams, the ONLY founders who refused to own slaves, and fought every single day for the blacks to be free against the Democrats in the Congress, still have no memorial. Without JQA, the subject of slavery would have never been discussed. Think how history would have been effected.
The Adams’ have only a mere few quotes on the side of the Smithsonian, which by the way, Bernice King should be thankful about because it was JQA who dreamed of the Smithsonian and held the money donated for the Smithsonian from Congress to be used, only for that purpose.
Imagine if JQA had been President, in modern times, Social Security would never have been touched. If not for him, the mall wouldn’t even had existed for future blacks to go visit their memorial. You can bet that if MS King doesn’t know that Lincoln did not sign the Declaration of Independence, she had no clue who John Quincy Adams was. But…she might know Elvis’s birthday…what do you think?
So,—What gal gets the most Kudo’s for making statements of ignorance harmful to the nation?
Nobody Thinks— you already know.
One last Nobody remark: Many are forgiving both these women for just being “nervous.” Michelle, I think, has apologised.— Has Bernice?
When Obama Plays Golf, the Earth Quakes
Nobody Knows
Nobody knows what Obama was thinking today when he made this high kick on the golf course…but I have a few hints from his caddy.
1. Damn! I hit that shot so far the earth moved…did you feel it?
2. Hey, tell Fema not to worry, I just got Jeffery Immelt to build a few more factories in China. Call Joe and tell him wrestling with that sumo guy really helped out. Tell him I want him to ride some camels, and bring the horse back…Malia wants a pony.
3. How much was in Gaddafi’s bank account? $300 billion? Well boys, I say that deserves another round. Tell Hillary I want my check, pronto.
4. Michelle is eating taco’s with the kids? Hot damn. She’ll be gone for hours. I can go hit some hoops…if you catch my meaning.
5. Maxine told the tea party to go to hell? Damn. Give that woman a raise. What? The people are mad because I’m taking a vacation and playing golf? Well, you know where they can go. What? We had an earthquake? Damn…how lucky can you get?
Let’s Send Gus to Washington
Nobody Cares
This is the kind of tenacity we need. Let’s send Gus to Washington.
Nobody Gets Email: Prison Obama
Nobody Gets Email:
Well, here’s a great one to start off the weekend!
(Thanks to Pattie)
Nobody Gets Email: Rectal-Cranial Inversion
Nobody Gets Email
Some people like cross word puzzles, I like clever quotations. In this political world of renaming people and things in order not to offend, it’s about time we made fun of those phrases.
Here’s some I got from a real patriot who loves fast and beautiful cars, and who says he got these off the “Old Farts” websites. I have no idea why anyone would hang around the ‘old farts’ website, but I’m planning on spending a lot of time there.
(Thanks to Tom Beebe)
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans, and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “Hillbillies.”
You must now refer to them as : APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS
And furthermore :
How to speak about women and be politically correct:
1. She is not a ‘babe’ or a ‘chick’ -She is a ‘BREASTED AMERICAN.’
2. She is not ‘easy’-She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE…’
3. She is not a ‘dumb blonde’-She is a
“LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”
4. She has not ‘been around’-She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’
5. She does not “nag” you -She becomes ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’
6. She is not a ‘two-bit hooker’- She is a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER.’
How to speak about men and be politically correct:
1. He does not have a ‘beer gut’- He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’
2. He is not a “bad dancer”-He is ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’
3. He does not “Get lost all the time”-He ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’
4. He is not ‘balding’- He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’
5. He does not act like a “total ass”- He develops a case of ‘RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’
6. It’s not his “crack” you see hanging out of his pants–it’s ‘TROUSER CLEAVAGE.’
Nobody’s Shopping Defects
Nobody Cares
Our very defects are..shadows of our virtues. —Ralph Emerson
****
Hopefully, in ten years, with my good friend’s help, I might even learn how to shop.
Nobody Gets Blond Joke
Nobody Gets Email:
Nobody’s Perfect: Nipple Twisting VS Identity Theft
Nobody’s Perfect:
***
If twisting a nipple without permission is a felony, then at least 15% of every male attending Mardi Gras on the last night before lent, should fork up some money.
Yukari Miyamae had more than 900 backers Monday afternoon, with some praising her for her bravery and others offering to donate money to her defense. Others defended the TSA’s screening procedures, saying that people who don’t want to comply with security requirements shouldn’t fly.
Nobody Gets Email: Oh…My…GOODness…
Harlequin Novel, Updated …. 2011 Version:
He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into the empty room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. “Just relax.” Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn’t care. His touch was so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage. Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine and over my buttocks. Although I knew nothing about this man , I felt oddly trusting and expectant.
This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking ‘No’ for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say . . . .
Keep reading. . . . . .
“Okay ma’am, you can board your flight now.”
About
I am a nobody. If the different classes of America were color-coded, I would be in the yucky brown, one rung up from the bottom. I grew up in Naples, Florida and live near the Mississippi River now with my husband and two dogs. I am part of the slowly disappearing middle-class. I was a musician most of my life: drummer/singer/keyboards—but I retired before the plastic surgery flu hit. I have no degrees, which could be a good thing…depending on how you view our educational system. I do have three patents…but that really doesn’t make me a somebody. The one thing that is constant in my life is my OPINIONS, which i have more than perhaps even Carl Sagan could have imagined…mostly political. (yes…my ancestors were crabby buggers)
Hopefully other nobody’s will put their opinions on my site. But, if you happen to be a somebody, you’re more than welcomed to help out.
It’s my Nobody Opinion that Nobody’s Perfect, and Nobody Cares, that Nobody Knows why Nobody Wins, and when that happens, Nobody Wonders, why Nobody Flashes, why Nobody’s Fooled, but then Nobody remembers that Nobody ALWAYS Reports the truth.
You can email me at joyanna_adams@yahoo.com
Joyanna Adams
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