Nobody Gets Email: Rectal-Cranial Inversion

Nobody Gets Email
Some people like cross word puzzles, I like clever quotations. In this political world of renaming people and things in order not to offend, it’s about time we made fun of those phrases.
Here’s some I got from a real patriot who loves fast and beautiful cars, and who says he got these off the “Old Farts” websites. I have no idea why anyone would hang around the ‘old farts’ website, but I’m planning on spending a lot of time there.
(Thanks to Tom Beebe)
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans, and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “Hillbillies.”
You must now refer to them as : APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS
And furthermore :
How to speak about women and be politically correct:
1. She is not a ‘babe’ or a ‘chick’ -She is a ‘BREASTED AMERICAN.’
2. She is not ‘easy’-She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE…’
3. She is not a ‘dumb blonde’-She is a
“LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”
4. She has not ‘been around’-She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’
5. She does not “nag” you -She becomes ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’
6. She is not a ‘two-bit hooker’- She is a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER.’
How to speak about men and be politically correct:
1. He does not have a ‘beer gut’- He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’
2. He is not a “bad dancer”-He is ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’
3. He does not “Get lost all the time”-He ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’
4. He is not ‘balding’- He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’
5. He does not act like a “total ass”- He develops a case of ‘RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’
6. It’s not his “crack” you see hanging out of his pants–it’s ‘TROUSER CLEAVAGE.’
Nobody Mourns Navy Seals
Nobody Mourns
BUL, Afghanistan (AP) — Insurgents shot down a U.S. military helicopter during fighting in eastern Afghanistan, killing 31 Americans, most of them belonging to the same elite Navy SEALs unit that killed Osama bin Laden, as well as seven Afghan commandos, U.S. Officials said Saturday. It was the deadliest single loss for American forces in the decades-old war.It’s certainly not a day for email.
God be with their families, and may their deeds in combat be just as celebrated as the other members of the team who killed bin Laden.
From Maureen Dowd:
The Sony film by the Oscar-winning pair who made “The Hurt Locker” will no doubt reflect the president’s cool, gutsy decision against shaky odds. Just as Obamaland was hoping, the movie is scheduled to open on Oct. 12, 2012 — perfectly timed to give a home-stretch boost to a campaign that has grown tougher. He has told people what a thrill it was to meet SEAL Team 6 — and the dog Cairo — which pulled off the hit, noting that the men looked less young and fearsome than he expected, and more like guys working at Home Depot.
Gee Obama, if the Seals look like Home Depot guys, what do you think YOU look like to the Navy Seals?
***…..They think we have a short memory.
Is the Mother Ship Shovel Ready?
NOBODY CARES
The big news today was: President Obama got lost inside the White House. Nobody can find him, and it is being reported that he has been taken by aliens and dumped on the mother ship for ANOTHER fantastic birthday party. Tom Hanks arranged the whole thing, as a surprise. Not that we care… we don’t. Standard and Poor’s downgraded the AAA credit of the United States today, and it was on this very important day in history that this Nobody got lost in the city of St.Louis. I started out heading South, then West, then East, then South, then West again, then North, then just about the time I was getting hungry, I decided to ask directions.
***
I had a map, but no glasses.
***
Yes, you would think after so many years roaming the side streets and inner deserts of St. Louis, and having played just about every dive and dump imaginable that I could never have gotten lost. I saw street upon streets of old dilapidated brick buildings that were never there before. Buildings built around the 1800’s and still somehow standing. Block after block— after block. Long ago, you could smell the brewery all over the town. Now, it’s pretty much the smell of urine.
***
Nobody prefered the old barley smell myself.
***
I always wonder if they leave those old buildings up just there to get their picture taken for the History Channel. The History Channel has a whole mini-series on “Life after People”, where they show how long it will take to rot the Empire State Building, the Eiffel Tower, the Hoover Damn, and the White House.
***
But don’t believe it. No matter what happens to this country, as we slide slowly into a third world country where 400 gang members of blacks can attack whites daily: where people are so desperate for money they steal the bronze statue of the noble dog: and Jesus’s image is being found everywhere on e-bay..toast, pizza, beer foam…Obama’s head–whatever… you can bet whoever is in the White House will be having a big lavish party for the President and all his buddies, and Bob Dylan will be singing….
***
“The Times They are a Chaaaaaanginnnng”…..(cough,cough)
***
So, as I found my way home after a day of worrying about my gas tank…(Do I turn ON the air conditioner, or… turn OFF the air conditioner?) it came as no surprise that the country has been downgraded. I could tell by the action of my gas tank. One block took up half a tank.
***
And after watching St. Louis die for over two decades all I can say is: it’s about time.
***
Someday, we will all be living in our cars…if they let us.
*** (Nobody makes this stuff up) Unfortunately, the mother ship was not shovel-ready, or I would be on it.)
The Most Expensive House: The most Depleting Loss
Nobody Wins
On the news today: THE STOCK MARKET IS FALLING,FALLING, FALLING!” So, here’s where I get confused. How can the stock market fall, when so many companies are really racking in the dough? I’m not a math wiz, so somebody explain this to me.
The U.S. Department of Commerce reported last week that American companies just had their best quarter ever, earning profits at an annual rate of $1.659 trillion in the third quarter. The next-highest annual corporate profits level on record—$1.655 trillion—was in the third quarter of 2006. In fact, American corporate profits have grown for seven straight quarters at some of the fastest rates in history.
No wonder it’s so easy for Obama to play the rich against the poor. The rich CEO’s at the multinational corporations make enough money to buy houses like this one in Switzerland. It’s the most expensive house in the world, at $7.5 billion…not because it’s the biggest, but because all the fixtures are solid gold and platinum, and the floor is made up of old T-REX dinosaurs bones. Maybe it’s Ahab the Arab living there. He wanted to feel right at home.
In the meantime, once again, millions of little black babies are dying of starvation in Africa, which shows you what tyranny and plain stupidity does. Somebody is going to help save those poor babies, and it’s usually the taxpayers of the United States that have, up to this point in time, contributed the most. If allowed to vote on it, most of us would say…save the babies…forget the wars.
Funny isn’t it? We give weapons and billions of dollars now to the Taliban in Libya:we bail out Greece as many tmes as we are allowed, but starving babies are just not on a politicains list of “things to do.” Anyway, most of the time, the money given doesn’t even get to those kids. It a testament to the “rulers” of Africa just how much they care about their own people.
But think—if this rich guy who built this house in Switzerland, had just used regular old facets from Sears instead of solid gold ones, he could have saved the lives of hundreds of black little darlings, if he had so chosen.
And gee…what a butt-ugly house. Stark, empty, and cold. Must make the owner feel right at home.
You cannot tax these rich. They feel they deserve their riches, and rightly so. Nevertheless, since the gap between the rich and the poor really is expanding expediently, and even though it’s none of our business, most of us would like to see them use their money on something besides gold faucets. Because LOOK what this guy got for his bucks.
The most expensive house in the world?
What’s it’s sitting on…oil?
If Spiderman is Gay, Does that mean that Flash is the FTD Florist?

Nobody’s Absurdities, No. …92
It’s been a while since I did an absurdity, and I can’t think of anything better to start up again with than the new Spider Man comic book character.
He’s black, he’s Spanish…and like Stan Lee himself..he might be gay.
First off: Besides the obvious social engineering aspects of creating a character to influence upcoming young minds…I find it an insult. Not that young Latinos, Blacks and Gays shouldn’t have superheroes in their comic books, they should have all that they can muster.
What bothers me, is—Why continue a WHITE guy from Brooklyn, kill him off, and change the character into a politically correct new B/S/G being?
Why not invent a whole new comic character? It’s like saying, “Hey, get rid of the white guy, it’s the black/Latino/gay turn now. ”
It’s pretty plain: money. They already have the whole Spiderman thing copyrighted, trademarked, merchandized,— and Stan Lee is according to most gay sources…gay himself. But…then why did Stan Lee have to go to the gay area, when all these years he has kept his superheroes very hetersexual?
Most of us have had, and do have gay friends: We love them..they are in our families, our jobs, our beauty parlors. BUT, they are not the majority of the people. The reality is: we don’t want a gay superhero, not because we all hate gays, but simply because it’s human nature to want to identify with the superhero…and if that superhero is GAY, it very hard for a heterosexual to get into it.
Make of it what you will…but many people associate gay with: the softer side. Having said that, the new James Bond, Daniel Craig, who we were told was gay, and acted very masculine, much to everyone’s surprise, just got married to a woman, and it’s not the first time he married a woman. So, he was NOT gay, but they told us he was. Why is that again?
Spiderman has always been for kids. Why even mention his sexuality? We hurt the whole society by forcing little kids to learn about the difference between gays and straights, and its being done in all our schools without the parent’s consent. They don’t be even need to thinking about “sex” at a young age.
But that doesn’t matter. The purpose is to get all kids used to the gays…and perhaps, making more of them in the future. Not to mention, get the blacks to assimulate with the Spanish.
This– let’s make everybody gay, and gay is the new normal–-is going to backlash someday, as it has in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Some heterosexuals want to have a “Heterosexual Day” parade.
Sao Paulo Mayor Gilberto Kassab must sign the legislation for it to become law and has said only that he is studying it. His office declined Wednesday to say whether he supports the proposal. The legislation’s author, Carlos Apolinario, said the idea for a Heterosexual Pride Day is “not anti-gay but a protest against the privileges the gay community enjoys.” In a recent report, the gay rights group Grupo Gay da Bahia said 260 gays were murdered last year in Brazil, up 113 percent from five years earlier.
And why it that? Just your typical gay-hating going on? Nope. Every year in Brazil all the gays of the world come down and put on their pretty girl costumes…and the straights are tired of it. What’s fair is fair.
Will we get the same thing here in America, a few heterosexual parades?
Can Spiderman swallow an elephant?
No, but we will get the New Spiderman: who will, you can be sure, have a MUCH prettier costume, have a Spanish name, and no doubt be able to rap while he’s spinning spider webs.
Will Mary Jane Now become Merry John?
Nobody Thinks the new Spiderman will be the biggest hit next year in Brazil, just in time for the Olympics.
What do you think?
Tyranny by 12
Nobody Knows
Didn’t I just say ‘READ BETWEEN THE LINES?’ the other day? Boy, I hate being right. Not only was this debt ceiling fiasco designed to do nothing, but stall and gather more money…it was a grand redesign of the Constitution. Congress couldn’t stop Obama from bombing Libya on a whim, and now, they won’t be able to stop anything any President does. This new 12-man jury will be hand-picked by the globalists from both parties, and we are heading down the superhighway to tyranny. It’s going to come really fast if no one in the Congress steps up and fights this. No debate?
It’s one thing to make a “counsil” to advise, but these men will have power over the rest of Congress.
Alex is right…why even send anyone to Washington? The Judge is pretty calm about this. He explains it well. BUT, this nobody tends to feel more like Alex Jones.
This is a sad, sad day. I can’t believe this is happening, right before our eyes.
This was probably one of the most historical moments in our country. Our Constitution, has just been destroyed…and what’s the most horrible thing to me, is that, it’s treated as just another little…nothing.
Who will speak out against this? Nobody Knows, but nobody will be watching.
Nobody’s Perfect: Congress VS Billy Joe
Let’s consider a few facts before we start comparing the two.
Remember, the father was drunk.
This week, we were told that our Congress and the President, reached a deal to “save” the country from default. Currently, if you can believe the stats: we have a $14 trillion dollar debt, and this deal will cut expenses by $21 billion in 2012, and $42 billion in 2013.
Wow.
They all did Obama a favor, they said, by letting it all slide till AFTER the elections. This was…more Washington as usual..smoke your mirrors and get out that flask of whiskey.
According to Ron Paul:
“This deal will reportedly cut spending by only slightly over $900 billion over 10 years. But we will have a $1.6 trillion deficit after this year alone, meaning those meager cuts will do nothing to solve our unsustainable spending problem. By denying members the ability to offer amendments and only allowing an up-or-down vote that will take place in the hectic time between Thanksgiving and Christmas, this Commission essentially disenfranchises the vast majority of members from meaningfully participating in the debate over reducing spending and balancing the budget.”“Furthermore, despite the claims of the bill’s proponents, there is nothing to stop the commission from recommending tax increases. What should bother Americans most is that under cover of this debt ceiling circus, we learned from a recent GAO one-time, limited audit that the Federal Reserve secretly pumped $16 trillion into American and foreign banks over three years. All of the Fed’s fat cat cronies were taken care of at the expense of the American public.”
So, what was this whole big, “The sky is falling and we will never get up!” facade that went on for weeks? It was all about…what? What really happened, it seems to this nobody, is that they are just getting a few more trillion to spend. An eight-year-old with half an education could have done a better deal.
And speaking of eight-year-olds…Billy Joe Madden was so drunk, he let his eight- year- old son drive to Texas from Mississippi, with his four- year -old sister in the back seat. Billy Joe was sent to prison, as well he should have been.
But…consider this: It was just reported that Washington D.C. has the highest alcohol rate of any city in the country among adults, at 8.1 percent. Another nifty statistic is that D.C. is among the top contenders when it comes to cocaine and marijuana use. Are we surprised? This explains why Marion Berry kept getting elected right next door to the White house…with the White House silent. The Mayor was caught on tape selling cocaine, and yet he was re-elected?
Doesn’t that tell you something?
Could it be, the reason the country is going off the road, is we are letting men and women with the experience of a stoned and drunk eight- year- old kid run the country?
Are they all drunk? High? Freaking out on coke? Shouldn’t they all be in prison with Billy Joe Madden with the crimes they have committed?
You have to hand it to that eight-year-old kid. Somehow he managed, despite having a drunk father sitting beside him, to get that pickup truck quite a few miles without hurting anyone.
If Congress was driving that car, it would have caused more than a few major fatalities and would be out of gas, engine on fire, framework all bent to hell, and it would still be in a ditch by the side of the road. With Congress in the driver’s seat, it would have never made it out of Biloxi.
And on that note…I think I’ll go have a drink.
Raise the Debt Limit: But Read the Fine Print
Nobody’s Opinion
Instead of accepting some compromise that can get through the democratic process, what they‘re saying is we’ll blow up the country if you don’t listen to us,” Zakaria said. “We’ll hold hostage the credit of the United States, the good standing of the United States and we’ll blow it up….it’s an extraordinary act of hostage-taking.”
The agreement would slice at least $2.2 trillion from federal spending over a decade, a steep price for many Democrats, too little for many Republicans. The Treasury’s authority to borrow would be extended beyond the 2012 elections, a key objective for Obama, though the president had to give up his insistence on raising taxes on wealthy Americans to reduce deficits.
The Americans “thought that money just reproduces by itself, and only in the financial sector, without having to produce any goods or services,” Fernandez said . These days, Latin America’s economy as a whole is expected to expand about 4.7 percent in 2011 — almost twice the expected rate in the United States — thanks to strong demand for the region’s commodities and a decade of mostly prudent fiscal management, itself the product of many hard-learned lessons of the past.
The protests over housing costs have tapped into wider discontent among Israelis over the high cost of living and the growing gaps between rich and poor. Other protests include doctors striking over working conditions and pay, parents demonstrating against expensive child rearing costs and similar outpourings over increasing gas prices.
Nobody Gets Email: Screwed
Nobody Gets Email: I could have wrote this…but I didn’t. I got this last week and thought, yep. (Thanks to Tom Bebee)
An Entitlement?
What the hell is wrong here?
Remember, not only did you contribute to Social Security but your employer did too. It totaled 15% of your income before taxes. If you averaged only 30K over your working life, that’s close to $220,500. If you calculate the future value of $4,500 per year (yours & your employer’s contribution) at a simple 5% (less than what the govt. pays on the money that it borrows), after 49 years of working (me) you’d have $892,919.98. If you took out only 3% per year, you receive $26,787.60 per year and it would last better than 30 years, and that’s with no interest paid on that final amount on deposit! If you bought an annuity and it paid 4% per year, you’d have a lifetime income of $2,976.40 per month. The folks in Washington have pulled off a bigger Ponzi scheme than Bernie Madoff ever had.
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| Entitlement my ass, I paid cash for my social security insurance! Just because they borrowed the money, doesn’t make my benefits some kind of charity or handout! Congressional benefits, aka. free health care, outrageous retirement packages, 67 paid holidays, three weeks paid vacation, unlimited paid sick days, now that’s welfare, and they have the nerve to call my retirement entitlements |
Emergency Rooms for their general health care -At just one hospital the cost to tax payers totaled over 25 million a year!!!
Someone please tell me what the HELL’s wrong with this country! We’re “broke” and can’t help our won Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, Homelss, etc?
In the last months we have provided aid to Haiti, Chile, and Turkey. And now Pakistan home of bin Laden. Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS!
Our retired seniors living on a ‘fixed income’ receive no aid nor do they get any breaks while our government and religious organizations pour Hundreds of Billions of $$$$$$’s and Tons of Food to Foreign Countries!
They call Social Security and Medicare an entitlement even though most of us have been paying for it all our working lives and now when its time for us to collect, the government is running out of money. Why did the government borrow from it in the first place?
We have hundreds of adoptable children who are shoved aside to make room for the adoption of foreign orphans.
AMERICA: a country where we have homeless without shelter, children going to bed hungry, elderly going without ‘needed’ meds, and mentally ill without treatment -etc,etc.
YET………………….
They have a ‘Benefit’ for the people of Haiti on 12 TV stations, ships and planes lining up with food, water, tents clothes, bedding, doctors and medical supplies.
Imagine if the *GOVERNMENT* gave ‘US’ the same support they give to other countries.
SAD?
YEAH, OK, SO WHEN DO WE GET PISSED AND
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?????
99% of people won’t have the guts to forward this.
I’m one of the 1% — I Just Did
Since this email talks about what programs are NOT “entitlements”, let’s note what programs are, and their effect. Too many see that they get something for nothing from Uncle Sam, but forget who he is, so they go to and take from Sam Walton, because they’re “entitled”. They trash the stores, and say “why not? It makes jobs for the clerks that clean up after them.” Of course, they aren’t apying those clerks because they’re not paying for the merchandise they steal. guess who is? check your mirror. “entitlements” sprang from the war on poverty which, like almost every other war since WW-II, we have fought to a tie (Korea, Gulf War 1) or lost (Vietnam, Gulf War 2, Afghanistan, poverty and Drugs). Time to get out of the war business, including those last
Nobody Gets Email: Doorbell to Hell
Nobody Gets EMAIL!
When it comes to stealing money…nobody does it better than our own politicians.
I just opened this, and so, to my readers it goes to enjoy!
(Thanks to amfortas)
Nobody’s Shopping Defects
Nobody Cares
Our very defects are..shadows of our virtues. —Ralph Emerson
****
Hopefully, in ten years, with my good friend’s help, I might even learn how to shop.
Uh…Excuse Me Mr. McCain: Weren’t You IN Mordor?
Nobody Wins
–when you have a liberal-globalist disguised as a Republican putting down the new freshmen in the House and calling them “hobbits.”
I like to remind you John, the hobbits saved Middle Earth. What have you done lately?
Oh..insult us? Well John…this hobbit thinks you spent too many years being tortured by communists and are suffering from the Stockholm Syndrome. I know I’m supposed to be impressed that your plane was shot down and you were captured, but that in itself does not make you a hero. You don’t even hold a candle to the many brave men and women who are serving right now.
John McCain is the perfect example of the career politician who works for the “global” government. You know, that secret cabal who seem to be able to make career politicians stick around till they die? Giving them Senate seats in places they have never lived…(like Hillary moving to New York) just to keep the people’s representatives from ever gaining power.
It’s bad enough that we have to fight the Democrats, now, the Rhino’s are just as dangerous. Pelosi said this morning,
“What we’re trying to do is save the world from the Republican budget. We’re trying to save life on this planet as we know it today”
Nancy saving life on this planet? The only way she could do that would be to leave.
How DARE John McCain make fun of the American people.
Many of us hope that the “hobbits” would hold back Mordor, because John McCain has spent a little too much time there. The guy really is starting to look like Gollumn.
As bad as Obama is, this Nobody Thinks we wouldn’t be in any better shape if McCain had won.
The Rhino leaders in the House played a short movie clip to rally the “tea party” people. Ben Affleck come into the scene and says:
“I need your help. I can’t tell you what it is, and you can never ask me, but we are going to hurt some people.’
HUH? You can’t TELL us, and we can never ASK you why? You really ARE dictators!
Don’t tell that to a real American and expect his support.
Obama will just come in and “save” the day by being the dictator that he is and “raise” the limit, if this all keep going, because if they pass anything, it will mean almost nothing.
And then this Christmas, we will all have thousands of extra dollars to spend, according to the White House.
Wait…we won’t?
Well, if we don’t, I blame John McCain….a REAL creep show if there ever was one.
Sorry..it’s the Sam in me coming out.
The guy is just….creepy.
Foreign Aid: NOT Cominig to Your Neighborhood Soon
Nobody Flashes:
Here’s one of the main reasons we are in such bad shape: Foreign Aid. Ted Poe (R-Texas) makes a good point for every single one of us. In fact, I received this video from my very liberal friend.
Why do we give foreign aid to so many countries, and then decide to cut money from our older citizens and soldiers FIRST?
Why are we giving money to people who hate us?
Nobody Thinks it’s because the big multinational companies want into the world markets, and that is the price “we” pay for them to be allowed to “enter.” Other countries want cash up front….and our politicians will not get their big campaign monies if they do not do what they are being elected to do.
And why is this not being discussed in Congress? Can’t we cut here? You bet we can…and you can bet—we won’t.
(Thanks to J.R.)
Harry Reid–Go Smell the Garbage
Nobody Reports:
“We have the latest report on the debt talks.” said the commentator. And up to the microphone came Harry Reid, who proclaimed, that there was no deal in the debt talks yet because the Tea Party was holding hostage to the American people.
Uh….say again Harry?
Basically saying, all the people in the Tea Party, (probably by all accounts, at least half of the population) were not American. It was one of the stupidest things I have ever heard.
Tonight I searched the net for the video, but it’s gone. Even Fox didn’t have it. I’m sure they all agreed Harry is getting senile and a quote like that, if played relentlessly, would sink the Democrats, it was just that idiotic.
Harry HATES the Tea Party. In other words, he hates the Americans who want our country back.
“Their agenda is an extreme agenda. I don’t agree with their ideas on social policy. But in our democracy, those ideas, however radical, deserve a debate if they want one.”
Yes, family, God, small government…freedom..that agenda is now… radical.
“But now the Tea Party is trying to sneak through its extreme social agenda – issues that have nothing to do with funding the government. They are willing to throw women under the bus, even if it means they’ll shut down the government.”
You know who else hates the Tea Party? The “liberal blacks.” If you got some time, just go to YouTube, search “exterminate white people” and check out all the blacks suggesting all white people be exterminated.
Now, try to find one “Tea Party” person who has said, “Let’s exterminate all the blacks.” Oh you can’t? Well, just imagine any white person posting a video like that on Youtube..and then imagine him getting arrested for a hate crime, because that’s exactly what would happen. But, the blacks get by with it.
Harry Reid thinks the Tea Party will disappear. They are “radicals.” Well Harry, the Tea Party is only going to get bigger. And even blacks are starting to join. Hope you have a good retirement home ready. The Tea Party people won’t begrudge your lack of class, we will even throw in a copy of the Constitution for you to pass the time.
Sam Adams…would be proud of this day. Harry Reid, by disowning the REAL Americans, who he considers garbage, are starting to pile up on his front door, and I hope the smell of true American spirits stinks him right out-of-town.
Go home Harry…..and smell the garbage.
















