Net Neutrality: Amnesty: Golf
Nobody Wins
Lots of things are happening behind closed doors while the media is keeping your eyes on North Korea, Israel, and the Royal Wedding.
FIRST: The democrats are busy trying to get back control of the internet. They passed a restore net neutrality bill which I’m sure will probably fall off President Trump’s desk and be stomped on with his best gold veto shoe. 
Chairman Pai told reporters last Thursday that the FCC’s repeal of net neutrality will not harm consumers and offer Americans a cheaper and faster Internet experience.
“The effect of this will be better, faster, cheaper internet access and the free and open internet that we have had for many, many years,” Pai explained.
SECOND:
And while we are all suddenly concerned about why a white American Daddy may not be well enough to walk his daughter down the royal isle, Never-Trumpers in Congress are trying to get an amnesty for millions of illegals. Among the most surprising is Mia Love.
Remember how they made SUCH a big deal out of her and how she sounded like such a sensible conservative? Wow, were WE fooled.
What they say to get elected.
Here’s the list: Make note, you can always vote them out:
Rep. Scott Taylor (R-VA) (202) 225-4215 (Facebook)
Rep. Dan Newhouse (R-WA) (202) 225-5816 (Facebook)
Rep. Rodney Davis (R-IL) (202) 225-2371 (Facebook)
Rep Mark Amodei (R-NV) 202 225-6155 (Facebook)
Rep Mike Coffman (R-CO) (202) 225-7882 Facebook
Rep. Jeff Denham (R-CA)(202) 225-4540 (Facebook)
Rep. Mia Love (R-UT) (202) 225-3011 (Facebook)
Rep. Brian Fitzpatrick (R-PA) (202) 225-4276 (Facebook)
Rep. Peter King (R-NY) (202) 225-7896 (Facebook)
Rep. Carlos Curbelo (R-FL) (202) 225-2778 (Facebook)
Rep. Ryan Costello (R-PA) (202) 225-4315 (Facebook)
Rep. Fred Upton (R-MI) (202) 225-3761 (Facebook)
Rep. John Faso (R-NY) (202) 225-5614 (Facebook)
Rep. John Katko (R-NY) (202) 225-3701 (Facebook)
Rep. Chris Stewart (R-UT) (202) 225-9730 (Facebook)
Rep. Susan Brooks (R-IN) (202) 225-2276 (Facebook)
Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-IL) (202) 225-3635 (Facebook)
Rep. Glenn Thompson (R-PA) (202) 225-5121 (Facebook)
Rep. Mike Simpson (R-ID) (202) 225-5531 (Facebook)
Rep. Mimi Walters (R-CA) (202) 225-5611 (Facebook)
Rep. Leonard Lance (R-NJ) (202) 225-5361 (Facebook)
Rep. Pat Meehan (R-PA) (202) 225-2011 (Facebook)
Rep. Elise Stefanik (R-NY) (202) 225-4611 (Facebook)
Rep. Tom MacArthur (R-NJ) (202) 225-4765 (Facebook)
Rep. Chris Smith (R-NJ) (202) 225-3765 (Facebook)
Rep. Jennifer Gonzalez Colon (R-Puerto Rico) (202) 225-2615
Rep. Will Hurd (R-TX) (202) 225-4511 (Facebook)
Rep. Bruce Poliquin (R-ME) (202) 225-6306 (Facebook)
And last but not least, this picture has to prove, that golf is probably more addicting than heroin.
Volcano explodes behind you? Free stroke.
MUCH more Important: Making par and winning that $100 dollar bet.
I can actually see my dear father (rest his soul) doing this. Ask any golf brat…it’s much like being an army brat except your father usually comes home for dinner. And if you dare to NOT keep your head down as you take that backswing, you might as well offer to be the caddy, and wash the golf cart.
I’m just saying. I mean…it’s just a volcano. You just play through the ash. Ask ANY golfer.
No problem. The balls are white and yellow. Easy to spot.
Finally: The Golf Swing Explained
Nobody Flashes
Don’t know how to play golf?
This, explains it all.
Anger Management Lessons From the Masters of Golf
Nobody Cares
Aw..come on. It’s Friday! I have to give us all a break from Obama bashing.
I thought this was funny. I’ve seen men go pretty ballistic on the golf course, and I bet you have too.
Enjoy!
Nobody’s Imaginary Vacation!
Nobody Flashes
Since my last vacation happened BEFORE Disney died, I like to sit around and think of what kind of vacation I would think up for rich people and their friends…you know, the “Let me help you get a life” vacation? I could be a damn good travel agent for the average billionaire who is tired of going to the South Of France..
Here’s one that I think they would enjoy:
First: The owner of this vacation would pick 1,000 of his favorite people, and pile them on Air Force One outside of Dulles. All that would be needed is a simple $3 billion dollar campaign fund donated to Obama’s re-election money bags, and you would have the finest jet in the world take you and your friends to the thrilling land of S. Korea.
Come on…when was the last time you were in South Korea? The only catch is, “President” Obama might want to come along for the ride since he’ll go anywhere for a party.
Second: You will arrive in Panmunjom, the demilitarized Zone between North and South Koreas….Meeting you at the airstrip will be 250 brand new Mercedes Benz Mini-Vans to take you and your guests to the place where you are going to be spending the night.
Your vans will pull up to the Tentanic..yes, a tent that can hold 1,000 people. There you will spend the night being poured the finest champange, while Celine Dion performs her best hit from the Titanic movie: “I’ll be loving you…in all the old familiar places..back of cars where you embrace me….long agoooooo.”
Wait. No…well, she’s only going to be there singing the one hit from the Titianic, and you will be allowed to smash glasses and throw whatever happens to be on the floor. And don’t worry—Whatever happens in that tent: STAYS in that tent. 
Third: The next day– a real treat! Golf. In pairs of four, everyone will get to play the most dangerous golf course in the world, which sits in the demilitarized zone between North and South Korea. There is only one hole to play: a par three..192 yards, but the rough is filled with land mines! Think of the fun bets you could win by challenging the other team to go in and get his ball! 
Forth: Be sure and ask the “President to play. Donate another $ 5 billion to his campaign.
Fifth:After that fun game of golf, everyone will get back in their Mini-vans and head off to the nearest Ocean. There you will all be given your very own submarine to explore the sea in. Those that do NOT want to participate in this event, have get to sit on the beach and smoke Lamborghini cigarettes, if they like. (One pack: $2,700)
At the end of the day, when all the subs are discarded, everyone will get back in the Mini-vans to get back on Air Force One. Be sure and tell the pilot that the President in on board. If he isn’t, don’t worry. You gave him enough money to get a ride back to the states. Let him buy his own damn plane. 
Hey…did you have fun! Nobody thanks you for traveling on Nobody’s Imaginary Vacations! (Thanks to LuxuryLaunches for all the inspiration!)
The Grass is Green—What’s that Mean? GOLF!
Nobody Knows
—That I am a golf brat. It was my father’s daily pastime and my mother’s favorite game to hate. I was bought up on the fact that golf will ruin a man…My father played 18 holes a day, and 74 on weekends, even when it snowed. My parents fought like cats and dogs for over 40 years, untill one day, after she retired from working…my mother got hooked on it to0.
Why my father didn’t get her hook on it sooner, I’ll never know. It would have saved me hours of listening to my mom complain about…”GO GET YOUR FATHER! HE”S STILL ON THE GOLF COURSE!”
Okay mom. —Yeah, the course was a few blocks away. I got pretty good at dodging golf balls.
So, I’ve seen a lot of golf shots in my day..but nothing like this.
Somebody blew on this ball…or it had some kind of magnet in it. Come on. This cannot be real….and who has a name like FUZZY? Did Fuzzy forget to take the trick golf ball out of his bag?
Spitting on Tiger Woods
Nobody’s Perfect: Tiger Woods— the man who every true golfer wished they could reincarnate into, used to be the closest thing to THE golf god of all golf gods. Tiger was held up on the highest pedestal ever built in the record halls of sports history, remember? I must admit—I was so sick of all the idol worship that the media poured out about Tiger, like pools of giant whipped cream, even I wanted to see him fail.
Nobody is THAT perfect I told myself. And I was right.
Tiger was dealt another low blow this week.
As If being a all-around lying, manipulating, and low-down sack of golf-club-plugs to his wife and two kids by messing around every other night wasn’t enough… it seems, once off the pedestal of perfection, you are full game for the rest of the world.
What goes up….must come down.
The European Tour in Dubai just fined Tiger for (I can’t believe I’m saying this) for spitting on the holiest of holy places…the green.
Good thing he didn’t kiss the ball, he might have been arrested.
It was said: “somebody now has to come behind him and maybe putt over his spit. It does not get much lower than that.”
Oh…that’s low. Tell me, how long does spit stay on the top of grass? How long before it evaporates? What are the odds that other golfers are going to hit it? And how can spit actually effect the trajectory of a golf ball traveling as fast as it does…and as we all know, there are other factors to consider…how do you tell spit from bird droppings?
Where’s the scientific proof that Tiger can beat his fellow golfers with a mere hunk of a spit wad?
Come on. You can’t be serious. How many times have we seen baseball players spit on the bat, the glove, the first baseman, the plate, the ball, the umpire…and we DON’T want to know what else.
On the other hand…golf is a rich man’s game, and there are rules. The elite and rich, do not look kindly on one of theirs acting like Larry the Cable Guy, even if he is driving a Mercedes.
This little spit fine is probably nothing to Tiger. What’s IS going to hurt him much more, is the cancelling of the “future” golf course in Dubai, designed by him. That was cancelled. because, Tiger is no longer number one.
Tiger’s brand has been tarnished. Tiger is becoming the Charlie Sheen of the sports world.
The Americans will forgive him. After all, he was the best. But, when it comes to the big money in Dubai? The Arabs (and all of those who have been just waiting to see him fall) are out to get him.
Tiger is going to have to add another bad habit to his sex addiction problem to solve.
Spitting.
You go Tiger…you can do it.

