Nobody’s Fool: Wild Bill
Nobody’s Fool
Here’s my pick of the week…it’s the big canary in the mine, Wild Bill again. While we are all talking about what the media wants us to talk about, Obama is putting his soldiers into place.
Wild Bill is Nobody’s Fool. And he also sells his own coffee mugs!
Enjoy!
We Are All Just Toads In Obama’s Cyberworld.
Nobody Flashes
Due to work projects created by the recent tornado here, I didn’t get to post my usual Nobody’s Email on Sunday.
So, here’s one that will make you laugh. I can really relate to this poor frog since Obama became President. They keep promising us stuff and it never comes.
I know–you might be thinking, what can’t you relate to politics, Joyanna? Answer: not much.
(Thanks to J.R.)
Nobody Forgets Earthday
Nobody Reports
To show you how much I pay attention to global warming idiots, I completed forgot Earth Day…which was yesterday. So, in honor of all the people out there who are really offended that millions of people, like me, forgot to celebrate their favorite holiday, let them know, that I picked up branches from my lawn yesterday, and kicked some dirt. I sprayed my gardenia bush that I managed to keep alive all winter with some water and a glow lamp. And I watched the bunnies on my lawn. It was really…a very special day. I just don’t know what came over me….it simply slipped my mind.
If you must blame someone, blame Mother Nature.
I also want them to know that I am completely in support of letting giraffes swim in elite swimming pools, and everyone having a green toilet that lights up in the dark. I would support Mayor Bloomberg mandating that all New York restaurants have them installed, because we all know how much New Yorker’s love Mayor Bloomberg watching out for them. Not to mention, all the janitors would appreciate having to work less hours because of everyone being able to SEE the toilets when they are drunk. More illegals would come out of the shadows!
So…Nobody Says: Happy Earth Day!— all you Earth loving dweebies, and I send apologies in advance because no doubt, I will forget it next year too.
One can only hope.
What’s in the Future?
Nobody Flashes
The future looks great says Mr. Clarke
This is…incredible. So imagine. If they knew this all way back then…what do they know about our future now?
Nobody’s Email: RAPED, SHAFTED, AND SCREWED…
Nobody Gets Email:
Something tells me this clever little letter has been around for awhile, but its the first time I’ve seen it. I have no clue who wrote it, but really…short, sweet, and right on target!
Enjoy! (Thanks to Pattie)
*************
Old Employee Notice!
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above, on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and Screwed as many times as Congress deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance.)
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I. L.)
PS-Due to recent budget cuts and the rising costs of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Nobody Gets Email: Toilet Talk
Nobody’s Email
Everybody who reads me here knows the wonderful comments left by amfortas. Here’s a piece he wrote that I wanted to share with everyone, it’s really quite fun!
Enjoy! (Thanks to amfortas)
****
Not all funny stuff has to be ONLY funny. It can be useful too.
Not all inventions have to make things simpler. Sometimes more difficult is better. Circumstance and intent matter.
I like this…..
http://politicalcalculations.blogspot.com.au/2013/03/inventions-in-everything-making-life.html
Here, the Labyrinth Security Door Chain makes the act of opening a restroom door much more complicated. But why?!
Believe it or not, the Labyrinth Security Door Chain solves a problem, and does in fact make life easier.
Just not for the people who will be the most likely ones who will be directly challenged by the invention.
Mind you, there was a game I used to play once long ago before attaining the exalted ranks of Knighthood. Yes, it was when I was a farm-boy: a mere lad finding his way around life’s challenges in Singapore. We all start somewhere.
It involved lots of chaps (mostly farm-boys) going to a bar and ordering lots of beer. I mean LOTS. The chaps would drink the beer, steadily, in some unison so as not to give ‘advantage’. Much beer was consumed.
The first chap who moved away from the bar to go to the toilet, paid for the beer.
Needless to say, it was inevitable that he was knocked over in the rush and never made it.
God alone can imagine the disaster had we encountered the Labyrinth Security Door Chain.
The door chain puzzle begs a question however. Who is the one to have to set the chain in place after every bog visitor?
And another. Would there be a march on City Hall if some ‘Equality’ oriented bar-owner put one on the ladies’ lavatory too?
I can pretty well guarantee that it would produce several column-miles in the Femail Section of most newspapers,(and no, Virginaia, there is no Malemail Section) and Julia Gillard rising to her feet for a two hour hysteric on misogyny.
Nobody Cares If You Drown….
Nobody Cares
It gets pretty frustrating when you can’t get black lifeguards because it’s said that black people can’t swim, but one city is not going to let that stop them from hiring black lifeguards.
In a case of affirmative action run amok, a major U.S. city is looking for lifeguards based on race rather than on life-saving abilities. The city of Phoenix is recruiting minority lifeguards for its 29 public pools, even if they’re not strong swimmers, reports NPR.
“The kids in the pool are all either Hispanic or black or whatever, and every lifeguard is white,” adding, “and we don’t like that. The kids don’t relate; there’s language issues.”
The white kids are having to drive great miles to save the lives of the blacks and Hispanics. This is not fair.
Clearly in America, it’s more important to look good and politically correct, than be able to save anyone’s life. If someone drowns because the black lifeguard can’t swim,..do you, prejudice, racist, and always superior snarky white person, really care?
Social Engineering Hoodies?
Nobody Wonders
Just think: The government has projected that in 2030 there will be at least 30,000 drones flying over America. And since the only thing that will hide you from a drone is a designer hoodie to hide you from those drones—what a better way to get a Christian nation used to millions of Muslims running around amongst them, all with burka’s, and some of the them looking just like the son Obama never had. Since they want their woman in burka’s, it’s our nation that has to change and what a clever way to do it!
This could be social engineering at it’s best! 
Obama Entertains With a New LGBT Song
Nobody Flashes
In order to give support to gay marriage, and every other kind of threesomes, or foursome, marriage, Obama called up the Village People for this very special picture where we see the President posing as the head chief.
He even make a big part of the Easter celebration at the White House, where they all performed the very popular song YMCA…with the changed letters…LGBT for this special occasion.
Young gay, there’s no need to feel down.
I said, young les, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, transvestite, ’cause you’re in a new town’, You can all be trans- sex- u- als.
Young gay, there’s a place you can go.
I said, young les, when you’re short on your dough.
Come to the White House, and I’m sure you will find, many ways to have a good time.
I want you all to say: LGBT, It’s really fun to say, LGBT.
If you just say it loud, you’ll get the fans in the crowd, to help- to -change- our- nation.
I want you all to say: LGBT, it’s really fun to say, LGBT
You can dance in the streets, tell your grandpa to weep,
You can just all be happy..
Young gay, are you listening to me?
I said, young les, what do you want to be?
I said, transvestite, you can make real your dreams
But you got to know this one thing..
No man, does it all by himself,
I said young man put your pride on the shelf
And just join in, with the LGTB
And together we’ll all make history….
And if you all will say, LGBT,
Just change the word from gay to LGBT
You will have everything that the straight guys enjoy
You can hang out with all the boys …
It’s really fun to say LGBT,
And make a brighter day, LGBT
You can get yourself cleaned,
You can have a good meal, You can do whatever you feel …
(Okay, even an April Fool Joke gets old…sorry the song is MUCH too long.)
Nobody’s Perfect: Jay Leno VS The Easter Bunny
Nobody’s Perfect
This week we have a contest between two very loved American icons about ready to lose their jobs: Jay Leno VS the Easter Bunny. Here we see Jay Leno sitting at his desk in Burbank…
Leno: Hey Martha…get the Easter Bunny on the phone for me.
Easter Bunny: “Hello”
Leno: Hey buddy! Jay Leno here. I heard you got some bad news recently. Obama tried kicking you out of the White House Easter Egg Hunt.
Easter Bunny: Mr. Leno! Yeah, can you believe it? I’ve been putting out eggs at the White House before Ulysses became President. All those years I had to put up with those bratty kid— Little John-John making me work all day…not to mention that year I hid beer cans for Billy Carter…and this is the thanks I get for making sure they all found an egg on Easter. Amy Carter had to have black eggs. Who gets black eggs for kids? Tell me– who? The Easter Bunny, that’s who.
Leno: I know, I heard about it: but hey, that’s why I want to have you on my last show…
Easter Bunny: Your last show? What happened? You too, huh?
Leno: Yeah…I guess…it’s not the first time you know. They want to replace me soon with somebody younger. You would think they’d know better because they did it once before, and it backfired on them. Remember, they replayed me with that red-headed knucklehead Conan O’Brian, and it really flopped.
But this new guy, Jimmy Fallon,– he’s really close to the Obama’s. They love the guy. In fact, he helped get them elected you know, and, I just can’t compete with a guy who does push-ups with Michelle. Jimmy gets to sleep in the Lincoln bedroom every other month for free…all he has to do is have them on his show. He really sucks up to them…I think they have it out for me. They want to put their faces on everybody’s TV at night…to be the last thing they see before they fall asleep..Obama and Michelle, and Jimmy and Bo…
Easter Bunny: I hear you…they’re mad at me too. Obama was so mad that I wouldn’t dance on the White House Lawn with Michelle that I got actually scared he was going to throw a broccoli basket at me. And this is all ridiculous Jay, because he says he doesn’t have the money, but he is giving money to a make a bunch of new National Parks…The Rio Grande for Mexico, Delaware land for Joe Biden, one for Harriet Tubman and to honor the first black park superintendent…and hey..When does the Easter Bunny get a monument? I have given more of my hard work to the kids of this country— and then they grow up, and forget. Did you know that Obama is trying to BAN EASTER out of all public schools?
Leno: No..I hadn’t heard that. Gee…first the light bulb, now Easter? What’s next? David Letterman?
Easter Bunny: I think…there’s someone behind this…and you want to know who?
Leno: Uh…David Letterman?
Easter Bunny: No…it’s Jeffery Immelt. Ever since he lost the Easter Egg Hunt to Jack Welch he’s had it out for me.
Leno: You know, he does own NBC..and you’re right. They are going to move Jimmy back to New York and Jimmy won’t owe ANY taxes. GE pays no taxes thanks to Obama, so I guess it’s who you know.
Easter Bunny: They would NEVER treat the Tooth Fairy this badly. I think it’s because I give Easter eggs away. The Tooth Fairy leaves money under the kids pillows. And they aren’t even working for that quarter…they just lose a tooth. I MAKE the children work for those eggs. I teach them how to work for their rewards. (sigh) The world is changing. Jay….what can we do? Listen to this:
In a memo to lawmakers, who receive tickets to the egg roll, the White House notes that “by using these tickets, guests are acknowledging that this event is subject to cancellation due to funding uncertainty surrounding the Executive Office of the President and other federal agencies.
Leno: So..it’s only the politician’s kids who are allowed on the White House lawn? Didn’t the President just take a $6 million dollar vacation? What kind of uncertainty is that?
Easter Bunny: I know. He’s going to regret this. I know a LOT of bunnies.
Leno: Well. Good. Can I count on you to be a guest on my last show? Between the two of us, we can certainly tell everyone in the country what we think of the Obama’s.
Easter Bunny: On one condition.
Leno: What?
Easter Bunny: You don’t invite Joe Biden. I hear he likes shot guns.
Leno: (Jay Laughs) No..noooooo…we love the Easter Bunny here! Who would you like me to book?
Easter Bunny: Benjamin Netanyahu.
Leno: Really? Why?
Easter Bunny: Because the Easter Bunny is the new Jew…and I’m sure, Israel will stand with the Easter Bunny.
Leno: Well…are you sure? Wouldn’t you rather have Pope Francis?
Easter Bunny: I have it on good authority that he’s pretty busy right now..but Jay, I just want to say— thanks for calling.
Leno : No problem…you know, I never did thank you for that plastic Easter Egg you gave me when I was three…the one with the little plastic mustang in it? I haven’t stopped thinking about cars since. It’s the real reason I worked so hard to become famous…I wanted to buy real cars…I loved that little Easter egg car soooooo much. I still have it in my office at work.
Easter Bunny; You’re welcome Jay.
Leno: So…see ya soon, stay on the line and my secretary will get your contract.
Easter Bunny: What? I never signed a contract at the White House…
Leno: Uh…did it ever enter your mind that maybe that would be a problem someday?
Easter Bunny: Well…no…uh…
Leno. Okay, don’t forget to bring some of those chocolate eggs for the staff. See ya soon buddy!
(click)
News on the Universe…Like it Really Matters…
Nobody Flashes
We have some updates on the universe….quick!
Closer scrutiny of radiation left over from the creation of the universe shows the Big Bang took place about 13.8 billion years ago, 100 million years earlier than previous estimates, scientists said on Thursday.
Nobody wants to know where they found this radiation, what kind of box do they have it in, and how SURE are they that the 100 million is the right figure? After all, they don’t even know what all that black dark matter stuff is. They don’t even know how we got Joe Biden as President…
Can we trust this? And more importantly, have they figured out yet who caused that Big Bang?
They also said this:
“We can see the subtle effects of gravitational pulls from literally everything in the universe.”
Yes, I see the subtle effects of gravitational pull every time I look in the mirror. And this guy gets big bucks to say stuff like this?
The good news is: we have another 100 million years to figure it all out.
Nobody’s Perfect: Hillary ‘Umbridge’ VS Kardashians: OR LGTB VS Vagina Smelling Contest
Nobody’s Perfect:
This week, it’s between Hillary Clinton and the Kardashians..
Hillary first: 
You’re not a progressive unless you can find a cause…without the cause, there is no reason for people like Hillary to exist. Here’s Hillary’s first step to becoming the next Presdient, and I must admit, I had to stop watching after a few seconds, because frankly, Hillary’s tone made me sick: …the “I am so good, and I am here to save the gays, and America, and I am speaking VERY clearly because I know you are all stupid, and I still want to be President, but not yet…first …we need more gay people, and we are about to make it law.”
OMG, send me a canoe and let me go over the falls. But, as much as I HATE this women, (and I do NSA), I will, for the sake of the children, translate this almost unbearable rant for you.
Nobody Notes: This woman, is a tyrant. As is Obama. They are abnormalities of power and corruption and to be feared with every fiber.
Here’s Miss Perfect Hillary:
“Gay rights are Human rights, human rights are gay rights.”
Nobody Says: So, gays were never human? When was this discovered?
“There were some countries that did not want to hear that.”
Nobody Says: Hillary is going to stop all gay hangings in Iran, by her magnificent leadership, even though she doesn’t have the courage to accuse them of much of anything. Her point is to change us.
“That’s who we are, it’s in our DNA.”
Nobody Says: Have you looked at your DNA lately Hillary?
“How to protect his L.G.T.B citizens..”‘
Nobody Says: WHAT? What’s that stand for?
Last Gay Tinker Bunker?—– Lesbian Gay Tokus Batter? ——–Little Gay Tiger Bitch?
We can’t call them gay anymore? Is Hillary trying to get rid of the word…”gay”? Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of gay family members that are loved dearly, but really… what rights DON’T they have?
“I was pretty tough…I directed our diplomats around the world.”
Nobody Says: Wow..Hillary’s stand on “Gays” in Benghazi got her L.G.T.B. diplomat raped AND killed. Good job Hillary. How’s that “Let’s send the gays into service as gay diplomats in countries where it’s a crime to show them how TOUGH I am and get them all used to gays.” How’s that working out Hillary?
*Reach out to the brave activist fighting on front lines.”
Nobody Says: Yeah, we’ve seen all those brave gay activists standing on the front lines all OVER the middle East Hillary…. Sure we have.
“Blah Blah…now having left public office”
Nobody Says: Oh right….sure…GOOD…stay out.
“For America to keep leading in the world that means we must invest here at home.”
Nobody Says: Oh…here comes the punch line. Translation: You hicks need to change, and you WILL change, all the churches will now marry gays and accept gays into marriage even though it’s against the Bible. Wait…Hillary is starting to look like that evil woman Principal who wore pink in Harry Potter: Professor Umbridge.
“LGTB deserve the rights of citizenships and that includes marriage.”
Nobody Says: Uh…so now gays are not citizens? What? Since WHEN is marriage a RIGHT? Next thing you know…Hillary will tell you who can marry, and who can’t.
Wait…she IS telling you that. She wants to make it the law. All Churches will have to marry gays.
“My views have been shaped over time…”
Nobody Says: The rest of us had to watch Hollywood and TV sitcoms, with gays kissing, and taking over our TV shows. No offense against gay…but statistically speaking, one or two would have been quite enough. but EVERY SINGLE SHOW? COME ON! We were brainwashed basically. You on the other hand, are running for President. And getting rid of MEN is the main objective here.
That’s about enough of Hillary.
The other contestant for the week was Kim Kardashian, who in desperation for ratings decided to through a vagina smelling contest!
In what is a new low sisters Kim and Kourtney decided to hold a very vulgar competition on Sunday night’s reality show – to see whose private parts smell the sweetest!
Hillary, leader of the feminist movement which encourage the vagina dialogues would be proud to see her children smelling each other vaginas.
As far as we know, the Kardashsian sisters are not gay…but this rather crudeness of our American Culture has made Hillary the winner of the Nobody’s Perfect award of the week.
After all, Hillary helped make this all possible. (To be fair, Bill helped out a lot in that department too..he needs to take at least half the blame.
Next thing you know, one of the gay designer boys will be throwing an anus smelling contest— After all…LGTB’s have equal rights now as citizens.
And I thought of some REALLY funny Hillary vagina jokes, but I won’t go there…but you can!
(Nobody apologizes for the content of this blog, but to me, there is a definite connection between these lowlifes. They are all ..unhinged. )
Nobody’s Email: Conan Goes on Guinness Tour in Dublin
Nobody Gets Email
I KNOW you’ve done this before. I planned this afternoon’s video, and when I went to find it, it was…gone. I had words in my head about what I was going to say about it, and now, technology overwhelms me.
The good news is: Our minds have not been connected to the internet yet, so the aggravation of not being able to find a video is gone with a oatmeal cookie.
The bad news: If you don’t find Conan O’Brian funny, you won’t like this video. I’m not one of his biggest fans…I don’t find him very funny. He has that sort of dry humor that I guess appeals to many, but everytime I see him I keep wondering..OKAY…whose kid is he?
I kept picturing how Johnny Carson, or even Jay Leno would have been during this “tour.” BUT…having said that, if you can make it to the end, you learn from a pro..the proper way to drink a glass of beer.
Enjoy!
Nobody’s Email: A Fine Joke to Tell At the Pub on St. Patty’s Day!
Nobody Gets Email
Ah…it’s a wee bit o’ Irish luck I had to day, to geet a feeen joke about that blarney of a tooter, Nancy Pelosi on St. Patty’s Day! Remember lads and lasses to drive carefully on this lovely Irish spring of a day, and drink a toast to al’ de nobodies in the world, and be sure and tel ya local libby this heree joke for to tell at da pub!
(Thanks to Tom Beebe)
Clever Catholics-St. Nancy Pelosi!
Last Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D.C, an aide to the former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral in D.C. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day’s Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.
The Cardinal replied, “No. I don’t really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi’s views.”
Pelosi’s aide then said, “Look, I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint.”
The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well the church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.”
As Pelosi’s aide promised, Nancy Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Nancy Pelosi was present. The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation,
“While Nancy Pelosi’s presence is probably an honor to some: the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to the tenets of the Church and she tends to flip- flop on many issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self -absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit- wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using he wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington, and in California. The woman is simply not to be trusted.”
The Cardinal concluded, “But, when compared with President Obama, Nancy Pelosi is a saint.”
About
I am a nobody. If the different classes of America were color-coded, I would be in the yucky brown, one rung up from the bottom. I grew up in Naples, Florida and live near the Mississippi River now with my husband and two dogs. I am part of the slowly disappearing middle-class. I was a musician most of my life: drummer/singer/keyboards—but I retired before the plastic surgery flu hit. I have no degrees, which could be a good thing…depending on how you view our educational system. I do have three patents…but that really doesn’t make me a somebody. The one thing that is constant in my life is my OPINIONS, which i have more than perhaps even Carl Sagan could have imagined…mostly political. (yes…my ancestors were crabby buggers)
Hopefully other nobody’s will put their opinions on my site. But, if you happen to be a somebody, you’re more than welcomed to help out.
It’s my Nobody Opinion that Nobody’s Perfect, and Nobody Cares, that Nobody Knows why Nobody Wins, and when that happens, Nobody Wonders, why Nobody Flashes, why Nobody’s Fooled, but then Nobody remembers that Nobody ALWAYS Reports the truth.
You can email me at joyanna_adams@yahoo.com
Joyanna Adams
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