Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Nobody’s Perfect: Jay Leno VS The Easter Bunny

Nobody’s Perfect

This week we have a contest between two very loved American icons about ready to lose their jobs: Jay Leno VS the Easter Bunny. Here we see Jay Leno sitting at his desk in Burbank…

Leno: Hey Martha…get the Easter Bunny on the phone for me.Jay Leno

Easter Bunny: “Hello”

Leno: Hey buddy! Jay Leno here. I heard you got some bad news recently. Obama tried  kicking you out of the White House Easter Egg Hunt.

Easter Bunny: Mr. Leno! Yeah, can you believe it? I’ve been putting out eggs at the White House before Ulysses became President.  All those years I had to put up with those bratty kid— Little John-John making me work all day…not to mention that year I hid beer cans for Billy Carter…and this is the thanks I get for making sure they all found an egg on Easter. Amy Carter had to have black eggs. Who gets black eggs for kids? Tell me– who? The Easter Bunny, that’s who.Easter Bunny and Obama

Leno: I know, I heard about it: but hey, that’s why I want to have you on my last show…

Easter Bunny: Your last show? What happened? You too, huh?

Leno: Yeah…I guess…it’s not the first time you know. They want to replace me soon with somebody younger. You would think they’d know better because they did it once before, and it backfired on them. Remember, they replayed me with that red-headed knucklehead Conan O’Brian, and it really flopped.

But this new guy, Jimmy Fallon,– he’s really close to the Obama’s. They love the guy. In fact, he helped get them elected you know, and, I just can’t compete with a guy who does push-ups with Michelle. Jimmy gets to sleep in the Lincoln bedroom every other month for free…all he has to do is have them on his show.  He really sucks up to them…I think they have it out for me. They want to  put their faces on everybody’s TV at night…to be the last thing they see before they fall asleep..Obama and Michelle, and Jimmy and Bo…Fallon with pushups

Easter Bunny: I hear you…they’re mad at me too. Obama was so mad that I wouldn’t dance on the White House Lawn with Michelle that I got actually scared he was going to throw a broccoli basket at me.  And this is all ridiculous Jay, because he says he doesn’t have the money, but he is giving money to a make a bunch of new National Parks…The Rio Grande for Mexico, Delaware land for Joe Biden, one for Harriet Tubman and to honor the first black park superintendent…and hey..When does the Easter Bunny get a monument? I have given more of my hard work to the kids of this country— and then they grow up, and forget. Did you know that Obama is trying to BAN EASTER out of all public schools?

Leno: No..I hadn’t heard that. Gee…first the light bulb, now Easter? What’s next? David Letterman?

Easter Bunny: I think…there’s someone behind this…and you want to know who?

Leno: Uh…David Letterman?

Easter Bunny: No…it’s Jeffery Immelt. Ever since he lost the Easter Egg Hunt to Jack Welch he’s had it out for me.Obama and Jeffery

Leno: You know, he does own NBC..and you’re right. They are going to move Jimmy back to New York and Jimmy won’t owe ANY taxes. GE pays no taxes thanks to Obama, so I guess it’s who you know.

Easter Bunny: They would NEVER treat the Tooth Fairy this badly. I think it’s because I give Easter eggs away. The Tooth Fairy leaves money under the kids pillows. And they aren’t even working for that quarter…they just lose a tooth. I MAKE the children work for those eggs.  I teach them how to work for their rewards. (sigh) The world is changing. Jay….what can we do? Listen to this:

In a memo to lawmakers, who receive tickets to the egg roll, the White House notes that “by using these tickets, guests are acknowledging that this event is subject to cancellation due to funding uncertainty surrounding the Executive Office of the President and other federal agencies.

Leno: So..it’s only the politician’s kids who are allowed on the White House lawn? Didn’t the President just take a $6 million dollar vacation? What kind of uncertainty is that?

Easter Bunny: I know. He’s going to regret this. I know a LOT of bunnies.Easter Dog

Leno: Well. Good. Can I count on you to be a guest on my last show? Between the two of us, we can certainly tell everyone in the country what we think of the Obama’s.

Easter Bunny: On one condition.

Leno: What?

Easter Bunny: You don’t invite Joe Biden. I hear he likes shot guns.

Leno: (Jay Laughs) No..noooooo…we love the Easter Bunny here! Who would you like me to book?

Easter Bunny: Benjamin Netanyahu.

Leno: Really? Why?

Easter Bunny: Because the Easter Bunny is the new Jew…and I’m sure, Israel will stand with the Easter Bunny.

Leno: Well…are you sure? Wouldn’t you rather have Pope Francis?Easter bunny crus two

Easter Bunny: I have it on good authority that he’s pretty busy right now..but Jay, I just want to say— thanks for calling.

Leno : No problem…you know, I never did thank you for that plastic Easter Egg you gave me when I was three…the one with the little plastic mustang in it? I haven’t stopped thinking about cars since. It’s the real reason I worked so hard to become famous…I wanted to buy real cars…I loved that little Easter egg car soooooo much. I still have it in my office at work.Fallon with obama singing

Easter Bunny; You’re welcome Jay.

Leno: So…see ya soon, stay on the line and my secretary will get your contract.

Easter Bunny: What? I never signed a contract at the White House…

Leno: Uh…did it ever enter your mind that maybe that would be a problem someday?

Easter Bunny: Well…no…uh…

Leno. Okay, don’t forget to bring some of those chocolate eggs for the staff. See ya soon buddy!Jay Leno and car

(click)

March 25, 2013 Posted by | Easter, Obama, Uncategorized | , , , , | 2 Comments

News on the Universe…Like it Really Matters…

Nobody Flashes

We have some updates on the universe….quick!Allen Telescope

Closer scrutiny of radiation left over from the creation of the universe shows the Big Bang took place about 13.8 billion years ago, 100 million years earlier than previous estimates, scientists said on Thursday.

Nobody wants to know where they found this radiation, what kind of box do they have it in, and how SURE are they that the 100 million is the right figure? After all, they don’t even know what all that black dark matter stuff is. They don’t even know how we got Joe Biden as President…

Can we trust this? And more importantly, have they figured out yet who caused that Big Bang?

They also said this:

“We can see the subtle effects of gravitational pulls from literally everything in the universe.”

Yes, I see the subtle effects of gravitational pull every time I look in the mirror. And this guy gets big bucks to say stuff like this?

The good news is: we have another 100 million years to figure it all out.

March 25, 2013 Posted by | humor, Space | , , | 2 Comments

   

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