Nobody Remembers the History of the Horse’s…Behind
Nobody Remembers
Here’s an email that tells you an interesting bit of fun in history and since it’s Friday,…and the “horses’ a$%- ” was just on TV…I thought it was too fun to pass up.
Enjoy! (Thanks to Tom Beebe) 
***************
The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s anexceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatriates designed the U.S. Railroads.
Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.
Why did ‘they’ use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jugs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?
Well if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some old, long distance roads in England, because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts. 
So, who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England) for their legions.
Those roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.
Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore, the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. In other words, bureaucracies live forever.
So, the next time you are handed a specification, procedure, or process, and wonder, ‘What horse’s ass–came up with this?’, you may be exactly right.
Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. 
Now, the twist to the story:
When you see (have seen) a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, you will notice that there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit larger, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses’ behinds. 
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse’s ass. And YOU thought being a horse’s ass wasn’t important!
Now you know, horses’ass control almost everything..explains a lot of stuff doesn’t it?
And I haven’t even begun to talk about Washington D.C. 
Just one sheet…..
Nobody Wonders
When I told somebody today that Sherly Crow had been said to have a brain tumor, this person said:
“So—-that’s what happens when you only use one sheet of toilet paper.”
Hey— I thought it was funny.
(And before you go saying I’m “heartless” let me say that my father, one of my best friends, and one of my dogs, all died of cancerous brain tumors…so I know the suffering that goes with brain tumors…but I refuse to lose my sense of humor, and if I get one, then by all means consider me free to laugh at, just be sure it fits ME! )
Nobody Flashes A Smart Dog
Nobody Flashes
Ahh…..We LOVE our dogs, do we not? Chaser the dog could teach me a few tricks…like how to remember where I put my car keys. My dogs are actually smarter than Chaser because they have figured out how to get me to do whatever they want at THEIR command.
Enjoy!
Nobody’s Email: Pizza in 2015
Nobody Gets Email
This has been around the world a few times, but it’s worth watching again. If this really comes about, you can bet that Congress exempts itself.
Enjoy!
(Thanks to Tom Beebe)
Nobody Remembers Donna Summers— or Maybe Not
Nobody Remembers
If you think that May the 18th is just another day, remember as you grab that morning energy drink…lots of things have happened in history on May 18, and here’s some of my Nobody thoughts on them;
On May 18….
1096 – Crusaders massacre Jews of Worm.
(The Jews lived in a city called ‘Worm?’ When you think of the shape of Israel, sort of could look like a worm. Those &$%$ crusaders.)
(Yes, not only the worm living Jews, the Acre Christians were attacked. And YOU think it’s over? HA!)
1631 – John Winthrop is elected 1st governor of Massachusetts.
(Good old John Winthrop. He was John Adams old schoolmaster and he taught a lot of those revolutionary giants. Goes to show you what a good teacher can do when he’s left alone.)
1642 – Montreal Canada founded 
(On May the 18th a great city was born…and then…)
1765 – Fire destroys a large part of Montreal, Quebec.
1756 – England declares war on France
(Which is bound to happen again sooner or later. I give it a few more years.)
1803 – Britain declares war on France after Napoleon Bonaparte continues interfering in Italy & Switzerland
(So, England became Britain? (?)Even back then, nations used to DECLARE war. They don’t do that anymore. That was a nice thing…you know…official war declarations. Remember those?)
1804 – Napoleon Bonaparte proclaimed Emperor of France
(It must have been hard crowning that little head yourself. )
1830 – Edwin Budding of England signs an agreement for manufacture of his invention, lawn mower. Saturdays are destroyed forever. 
(Man writing these historical records, actually has a sense of humor.)
1860 – Republican Party nominates Abraham Lincoln for president.
(And to this DAY, all Democrats proclaim him to be their savior, but forget to mention that he was a Republican)
1863 – Siege of Vicksburg, MS
(Three years later to the day, Abe has big problems. Three years later…Obama main worry is student loans.)
1897 – Irish Music Festival 1st held (Dublin)
(Think I’ll get drunk, dance Irish jigs, and mow the lawn today.)
1897 – Dracula, a novel by Irish author Bram Stoker is published.
(Continuing forever endless teen vampire movies where blood sucking is a good thing.)
1910 – Passage of Earth through tail of Halley’s Comet causes near-panic
(Same thing happens when Obama smokes and parties in the White House.)
1927 – Grauman’s Chinese Theater opens in Hollywood California.
(Jackie Chan was actually there.)
1933 – On the very same day, May 18th..The Tennessee Valley Act (TVA) Act signed by FDR, to build dams and the 1st major league All-Star Game announced for July 6 at Comiskey Park that it will be played as part of the Chicago World’s Fair.
(Proving once again, that Major League Baseball has survived floods, steroids, and socialist dictators)
1934 – Congress approves “Lindbergh Act,” makes kidnapping a capital offense
(Uh…they needed CONGRESS to make it a capitol offense? What was it before Congress stepped in..an interesting babysitting story?)
1934 – Jimmie Foxx hits 1st HR in Comiskey Park center field bleachers
(Back then, the steroid was beer and peanuts, but Jimmie swore before Congress that he did not drink or eat. )
1934 – TWA began commercial service
(And millions of men finally dreamed of flying a stewardess. It was where Hugh Hefner got his idea for the Playboy club. Honest. Really. He just added the rabbits. )
1948 – Saudi Arabia joins invasion of Israel
(There was an ‘invasion?’ And WHO did they join? Was it because of the Worm again?
1953 – 1st woman to break sound barrier (Jacqueline Cochrane, USA)
(No…that was actually Ethel Merman)
1954 – European Convention on Human Rights goes into effect 
(I thought this was important so that we all remember the date. Now, the European Union gives no human “rights.” to anyone unless they are part of the elite rulers. You’ve come a long way, EU.)
1963 – “If You Wanna Be Happy” by Jimmy Soul hits
(Never make a pretty woman your wife!) I love that song.
1964 – Supreme Court rules unconstitutional to deprive naturalized citizens of citizenship if they return to home country for more than 3 years
(Somebody call Singapore)
1967 – Silver hits record $1.60 an ounce in London and Gene Roddenberry suggests 16 names including Kirk for Star Trek Capt.
(Good for him. The black caucus now demands the whole country and all its wealth, and pretty much gets it. By the way…All they really needed to do is make just ONE demand—like the rest of us–resign.)
1980 – Mount St Helens blows its top in Washington State, 60 die
(Some because they were just too stupid, to get out of the way)
1994 – Israel withdraws from the Gaza Strip
(After the Worm trouble, I wouldn’t have.)
1998 – United States v. Microsoft: The United States Department of Justice and 20 U.S. states file an antitrust case against Microsoft.
(Bill Gates VS Janet Reno…Those were the good old days. Now we have The American Tea Party People VS Eric Holder)
Okay…that’s enough. Too much information? Well, you can always watch old Donna Summers video tapes…or an eclipse.You can never get bored..on May 18. History is a full circle of loons. 
(Now, wasn’t this more fun than me telling you how many times I had to sing “She Works Hard for the Money.” to a lot of really drunk, irish people? Really, I don’t remember. )
Nobody’s Full Moon Rising
Nobody Flashes
Well…it’s a full moon alright. I was saying to myself, well Joyanna, you can’t write about the stuff you usually do because you are so busy calling auto centers and saying, “Do you have any Chevy Impala’s?” Yes, I am pretty much sick of any kind of car that was ever invented. I’ve been to at least 30 dealers. The cars are starting to all look like booby traps for insanity.
My old 94 Cougar, (73,000m) got bombarded by hail, and it’s now…well..I don’t know where it’s at. I took it to a body shop, and my insurance told me it was not worth keeping. I’ve had some kind of a car since I was sixteen, and never been without one that I could get into and go.
I am…slighty crazy about NOT having a car.
Here we see some cars of the rich. Alice Walton drives a 2006 Ford 5-150. Ingvard Kamprad, Ikea founder drives a 1993 Volvo 240. Mark Zuckerberg has a black Acura TSX. And Bill Gates likes the Porsche 959.
So I ask you…is a 2011 maroon Impala too much to ask? See, not all the rich are ostentatious. I think Alice and I would really get along. 
Which brings me to a blog, that I was thinking of writing, because I am so sick of everyone else in the world complaining that Americans are selfish because they all have cars, while the rest of the world have bikes. And I am hearing that stupid complaint more often.
Okay,…focus on the subject of cars Joyanna.
An American without a car is like a carpenter without a hammer. I think Jesus said that. If he didn’t he should have.
And then, to make things worse, my internet went down….!!
“Hello” I said to the Charter tech guy, “I can’t get on during the day, but I can get on at night…what’ s up with that?”
“Sounds like a software problem to me.” he said.
And that’s why he gets paid the big bucks.
I went on one of my favorite sites tonight (Luxurylaunches.com) and coincidentally came upon an article which had the cars that the rich drive. I will be thinking of the second richest woman in the world tomorrow as I continue my search for the “perfect” Impala. My logic tells me I have one week to find a car, and if I haven’t found one by the last day, I’m going to buy a bottle of cheap wine, drink the whole thing, and then pick the first one I like.
And PS…if I’m not here this weekend, it’s because my computer died. In that case, I’ll be sure and blame the next car salesman I see.
One other thing, Notice how the “face” fits the car? (Alice, that’s not an insult.) Am I crasy? Don’t these people LOOK like their cars? Am I getting punch happy? What? 
The Tasmanian Crab
Nobody Wonders
If you have followed me for long, than many of you are familar with the comments of the most intelligent gentlemen that goes by the name of ‘amfortas’. Amfortas lives in the paradise of Tasmania.
And THIS is a crab…from that very place. He weights over 30 pounds and he is being sent to Enland to rest in his old age in some lovely place…and I’m sure he will miss his Tasmanian home.
Having said that: Nobody Wants to know: amfortas…What exactly are the Tasmanians doing to grow such huge crabs? I’m sure I speak for everyone!
Nobody Knows WHICH 85 Things You Need to Have in a Disaster
Nobody Knows
Since they have been predicting the end of the world, or at least a lot of really crazy riots, at least once a day you see an ad for “47 things you NEED to have!” in a disaster.
I want to know: What if there are really 48 things? What if…the world ends and you are left standing and you realize that the 48th thing that you did not get, would have saved your life? What are you going to do? Sue the guy who left out the most important thing?
What if matches are not on that list? Look what happened to Alex Baldwin in Alaska in that movie where Antony Hopkins saved his life because he happened to have matches that he could make into a compass? (And then later killed him because he was screwing his wife.)
Nobody is more of a sucker for this stuff than me. If the world blows up, I will have any book in the world that will tell you how to do everything short of a heart transplant.
I haven’t found that book yet.
BUT…I did just recently buy the book,” 37 Food Items Sold Out After Crisis.” Right now, I need the book that says, “10 things you should do FIRST if your whole area gets hits by a hail storm” because I can’t get a rental car due to the fact, that all the “rental” cars were damaged…and I didn’t get RIGHT on the phone after the hail storm and call Enterprise….so I will have to wait, till they fix the rental cars. 
Who thinks of these things? I was too busy looking at the holes in my windshield while everyone one else was on the phone making arrangements. You live long enough—I suppose it MIGHT sink in. ( I certainly hope I don’t get any dumber.) As I look through the list of important things that everyone will grab, I see that number 27 is: Hard Candy. WHY? It’s easy to carry and it gives you energy says the book. Well, so do my B-15 energy shots. They are much better for you than hard candy and give you a much quicker blast of caffeine….but, they are not on the list. But..coffee is.
I once heard a doctor say, after he had done a colonoscopy on my mother, “Wow..look at all those coffee beans!” And I was sooooo glad that I hate the taste of coffee. Coffee is going to go quick, according to my 37 Food Items Sold Out After Crisis book….so a lot of people’s stomach will be filled with coffee beans which I suppose is a good thing.
Here’s one everyone will like: Alcohol. The books says that it’s a stress reliever! Really? Who knew? 
Most importantly, alcohol is a wonderful bartering tool…says the book. I’m already practicing: “I’ll give you my Jack Daniels for your peanut butter, and 50 pounds of pasta!”
Uh…I’m….not sure about that one. Are we sending alcohol to the starving in North Korea? Maybe we should. Maybe that’s what we’re doing wrong. Maybe if those people got drunk enough they’d get rid of those idiots who are starving them.
Number 32 says stock up on “pop tarts” Now, I don’t know who wrote this book, but I’m an expert on pop tarts. You can leave them IN the box, unopened and three weeks later…viola! They are cardboard. I know. My pop tarts would break a window if I actually took them off the shelf and threw them. I like the look of the box, because it makes me look like I have a full kitchen pantry..so my pop tarts are still on my shelf. I suppose I could soak them in water if I was starving.
And then…there’s your pet. PET food is high on the list. After all, you don’t want to have to feed your dog coffee do you? You could get him drunk. That might help.
My dogs LOVE peanut butter, so peanut butter is high on my list. I figure we could all live on peanut butter right out of the jar for a good week. Cheaper than dog food. The good thing about peanut butter is it takes hours for them to get it off their teeth. It keeps them occupied which is what you would want to do in some sort of disaster….keep your dogs from barking and letting the looters know that somewhere in that house is a person with peanut butter and alcohol. 
But…what IF, you go to the grocery store and the food is all sold out? Well..the book says: go on e-bay or Craigslist and shop!
What’s wrong with this picture, I ask you?
Surely, whomever is delivering your package will just keep it. It will probably never end up at your door. If the grocery aisles are shopped out, it’s very hard to believe that our government will be feeding the postmen, and HIS family will be well stocked with your groceries.
And then, it comes down to: grow your own food. Which is okay IF the world doesn’t end in November—Then we will all starve while waiting for spring to arrive so that we can plant our seeds, which we may or may not be able to grow if Obama is still in charge.
Nobody Knows, if the peanut butter will last through the winter.
(See what I do: when I find myself stressed out about not having a car, I tell myself there are MUCH worse scenarios in life…like not having food.) And you may ask…Is it working Joyanna?
(Can you tell I’m already out the door to look for my new car?) I can’t think about the end of the world anymore today….go out and get your own book, I’m busy saving myself!)
Nobody Can Find a Poor Man’s Rich Car
Nobody’s Perfect
Me:…..
Okay, real short. I went looking at cars tonight, and my god…they all look alike. Really. I don’t care if it’s a Honda, Toyota, Ford, GM, whatEVER..row upon row of neat little sedans, made of boring colors. Gray, brown, dark grey, metallic gray, bobo gray, hissy gray, bore you again gray….. It’s as if the rich want to stand out. All the poor people have to drive boring gray cars that all look alike. Once in a while they throw in black and red just to make you think.
Now, I can tell you what I DIDN’T see tonight…These cars: They only make good designs for the rich people. The days of the sporty poor man’s Mustangs and Firebirds…are OVER.
Now everyone drives their grandmother’s car.
I mean REALLY. My grandmother had a pink caddallic…what is wrong with these “designers.”
Maybe I should just get an old truck and paint a dragon on the side.
Nobody Flashes Hail Damage
Nobody Flashes
Due to an act of God and nature, I have hail damage on my old 94 Ford Cougar. This has made me a more than usual crabby camper. My insurance company says it’s totaled. I happen to disagree, because what’s a few dings? Sure, you can’t see out of the front window, and the side mirrors are not so good, but hey…it runs. You turn it on, and it moves. The radio works. The tires are not worn. And it’s now a collector’s item since they don’t make Cougars anymore…right? Whatever the reason, today and tomorrow will be slower than usual blogging days, since you NEED a car to go LOOK for a car, and so tomorrow, I am making one of those lifetime decisions, about how nothing is ever what they tell you is it…and buying a new care is a MUCH harder decision than whether someone should kill bin Laden or NOT. That would take a nano-second…finding a new car will more time…but hopefully it will be resolved within a few days.
Just thought I’d let you know. (that’s me)
Nobody Gets Email: Sean Penn Has Met His Match.
Nobody Gets Email
Floyd sends me some pretty great video’s, but this guy has got Sean Penn’s number down to even its tiniest Sean Penn Hair follicles!
You’ll laugh at this, and then go…YEAH! Damn straight. Finally, someone who explains with great force WHY all this diversity is lame.
(I love Youtube.)
Will Hillary Be the Next VP?
Nobody Get Email
If you think that campaign video’s proclaiming Obama’s great feats from his first four years in office is all you will be seeing all summer…think again!
This was just released, to remind the American people of how much Hillary Clinton has contributed to the administration. And how nobody should mess with this tough woman…and that includes Americans. (Uh…that is when she’s not getting drunk.) 
(Thanks to Gary)
Bob Dylan & Diaphragms
Nobody Cares
Once in a while I take out a book from my library, and give it a look. I have over 7,000 books that I have collected through the years, mostly from sales at libraries ( where you could get a good hardback for 50 cents) and somewhere long ago, I had bought a book on Bob Dylan.
Like most baby boomers, I was obsessed with Dylan…bought all his records, marveled at his words. And when I became a singer myself, if my voice was not what I wanted it to be, I used the excuse “Well look, Bob Dylan can’t sing either and look how rich he got!”
Okay, that’s pretty lame..but it worked.
I’m reading the newly release book about Steve Jobs and found out that he had a two- year fling with Joan Baez mainly because Jobs was a Dylan freak too, and was thrilled to know that he was bedding the same woman that Bob Dylan had so long ago. As if, he was the same genius level as Bob.
You know…great minds think alike. 
Years later I remember being completely disgusted when I saw my old idol Bob Dylan sitting next to Bill Clinton who was bombing Kosovo at the time (and killing many innocents by sheer misses) while he gave Bob Dylan the Congressional Honor Award.
Hypocrite I thought. What’s your “Masters of War” mean to me now?
Such is fame and ego.
So anyway, I opened up my old book this morning, only to find a flyer with the “Information on the use of the Diaphragm.” and I remember having used one after I was trying to get off the pill because of the horrors that the pill was doing to my body.
I found sticking a big rubber thing up inside me rather annoying, so I didn’t use it for long. The fact that I kept the instructions hidden in a Bob Dylan book seems rather…funny to me now. (I put it back for my own historical reasons) 
My doctor at the time laughed when I told him about getting one, and he told me the Diaphragm had been invented to keep camels from getting pregnant on the long voyages through the desert. So the “men” decided to make diaphragms for the stupid women who couldn’t remember to take their pills.
Is that why they invented “the patch?” Stupid women can’t remember anything? Or was this a matter of trust? Probably both.
And so, somehow Nobody Thinks the dead Muslim woman are safe…BECAUSE….
Just how many Muslim women are using the old camel Diaphragms?
Nobody’s Perfect: Joe Biden VS Mark Abaire
Nobody’s Perfect:
We have two very minor mistakes made by two men in Florida last week. One man was a major player—
– Vice President Joe Biden visited the Florida Everglades on Monday to promote the Everglades Restoration Project and joked about his Secret Service detail threatening to shoot the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation commissioner.
Okay, whether that “joke” about having his secret service man shoot the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation commissioner came AFTER he called the Everglades, EverGators, is not known by this Nobody. I wasn’t there. So, mark another great slip of the tongue by our Vice President Joe Biden, right up there with the other slip of the tongue last week by Marco Rubio (see former posts) and it seems the heat in Florida is getting to the brains that are not used to thinking anyway.
Joe , far as we know, will be Obama’s running mate again. And we also know: he is very afraid of “gators.” 
Then–we have this man Mark Abaire, who, in my old hometown of Naples, Florida, decided to get a cup and go get himself a free soda from McDonalds. Nobody finds it comforting to know that in my old hometown, the citizens are not about to take this lying down: The employees called the police.
Mark Abaire, 52, of Naples, Florida, was arrested by Collier County deputies after leaving a local McDonald’s without paying for the soda he put in his complimentary water cup. While the felony theft charge he faces for the $1 theft sounds a bit like something out of a Victor Hugo novel, it turns out that Abaire is a repeat offender In Florida, a third-degree felony can mean a sentence of up to 5 years in prison and a $5,000 fine. Abaire faces additional misdemeanor counts of trespassing and disorderly intoxication. He was held in Collier County jail with bond set at $6,500. Which is $6,499 more than the price of a soda.
Nobody Thinks the Collier County police might want to look into our VP threatening to shoot their Game commissioner, but, then again, maybe they should just invite him back to wrestle Mark Abaire for a soda.
Something tells me the two men might just hit it off.
About
I am a nobody. If the different classes of America were color-coded, I would be in the yucky brown, one rung up from the bottom. I grew up in Naples, Florida and live near the Mississippi River now with my husband and two dogs. I am part of the slowly disappearing middle-class. I was a musician most of my life: drummer/singer/keyboards—but I retired before the plastic surgery flu hit. I have no degrees, which could be a good thing…depending on how you view our educational system. I do have three patents…but that really doesn’t make me a somebody. The one thing that is constant in my life is my OPINIONS, which i have more than perhaps even Carl Sagan could have imagined…mostly political. (yes…my ancestors were crabby buggers)
Hopefully other nobody’s will put their opinions on my site. But, if you happen to be a somebody, you’re more than welcomed to help out.
It’s my Nobody Opinion that Nobody’s Perfect, and Nobody Cares, that Nobody Knows why Nobody Wins, and when that happens, Nobody Wonders, why Nobody Flashes, why Nobody’s Fooled, but then Nobody remembers that Nobody ALWAYS Reports the truth.
You can email me at joyanna_adams@yahoo.com
Joyanna Adams
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