Some Super Fun Superstitions…

Nobody Reads:

Here’s some superstitions from the book, Beliefs, Rituals and Magic, by Xavier Waterkeyn, and what Nobody thinks of them:

People with thin, angular ears have bad tempers. People with long or prominent ears have a gift for music and the bigger the earlobe the smarter you are.

Is that why Africans do this?

People make the sign of the horn with their hand to protect themselves from bad magic.

And here I thought Gene Simmons was part of the illuminati. These people are actually protecting themselves against getting something bad from those tea party people.

Among the great apes, staring is universally understood as a challenge to dominance.

So, Tom Cruz needs to do more staring.

Justice is blind so that she not be distracted when she lays down her judgment.

Okay. Every member of the Supreme Court needs to go over all their former lame and un-constitutional decisions (Obamacare, Woe Vs Wade, Corporations are people, affirmative action) and redo the cases with blindfolds on.

Muslim women never cut their hair.

So they have the body temperature of a camel underneath those burkas in the hot desert sun? (Do yo see where I’m going with this? Or maybe, you’d prefer not too. )

It was the Romans that thought the middle finger was shameful.

No wonder our politicians use it so much.

Muslims have to wipe themselves with their left hand after defecating. That’s why they cut off the right hand of ‘criminals.

Just think how this affected their early brain development. Obama…IS left handed.

The Aztecs tore out the hearts of 80,400 prisoners over four days.

Uh…..

A star represents the woman, and the crescent moon the man.

Uh……

Napoleon believed that men with large, prominent noses had strength, courage, intelligence and determination and he would select his generals on the basis of their noses. The Duke of Wellington the man who defeated napoleon at Waterloos had a big nose.

This of course leads to the obvious, a man with big feet……

Duke of Wellington

Women that spend a lot of time together will find that their cycles all synchronies.

This is absolutely true. In every bar I ever worked in, within six months all the waitresses and I would synchronize our periods. Somebody explain this to me.

Many men have died urinating on electrified railroad tracks in subways.

And STILL—the United Nations…does nothing. (Let’s call Dave Barry)

The ancient Greeks commonly practiced infanticide by leaving unwanted babies out and exposed to the elements and the Inuit would do this too.

Proof that democracy is a lousy system, as our founders tried to tell us.

81 percent of women who don’t finish high school end up with a man who didn’t either. 71 percent of women who finish college end up with a man who did.  94 percent of white men marry white women, 89 percent of women marry white men.

Clearly, this is racist.

Walking under the ladder is considered bad luck because it’s the Holy Trinity. Never sit thirteen down at a table, one will die within the year. This comes from the Christian last supper, which had 13. The reason the number 13 diners at the last supper and that Christ died on a Friday, which is why it’s considered unlucky.

Any Friday the 13th bad luck stories out there? My own mother had a massive stroke on Friday the 13th, and she was visited by a white dove in her back yard for a whole year before her death which she always swore (had come to take me away.) A week before her stroke, the dove disappeared. So, I’m not so sure there isn’t something to this.

Many non-Caucasian populations lack the proper digestive enzymes to assimilate milk properly and this explains the absence of dairy food in the cuisines of east Asia.

And here I thought it was because cows were so cute.

The Roman Empire paid their troops with salt. Hence the word salary.

Now, they want to take all the salt and salary away.

Pirates wore an earring in the left ear because it was suppose to keep them from drowning.

Now, the gay Navy guys can put one in their other ear for double the luck!

Part of the social contract of royalty is to convince the peasants of the aristocracy’s superiority.

So, the real reason the Obama’s are opening up the White House for Christmas is so that they can have great rich parties, and take thousands of pictures of themselves standing by Christmas trees with ornaments given to them by the Muslim Brotherhood. It’s important to keep up appearances of the fact that THEY have 89 trees in the White House, and you only have…one. And YOU paid for theirs.

In Islamic tradition angels in green turbans visited Mohammed and the prophet’s banner is green. In hour of this the flag of Saudi Arabia is green with white writing. The flag of Libya goes even further and is entirely green. These countries are desert.

Another reason they don’t like us. We—have—trees.

There are few trees in Egypt so they burn dung.

God was wise.

Red in the morning Sailors take warning, Red at night, Sailor’s delight.

This is actually based on science, something not see any more in climate data.

David Berkowitz the Son of Sam killed five of his eight victims during a full moon.

Did anyone bother to ask him WHY? Was he actually synchronizing his killings with other serial killers?

The deadliest ever recorded the Tri State tornado of 18 March 1925, crossed the Mississippi River from Missouri to Illinois during its journey of destruction it killed 695 people.

Nobody blamed that on global warming….but then again, Nobody could predict Al Gore would be born.

October 19, 2013 Posted by Joyanna Adams | American Culture, American History, humor, Uncategorized | American Culture, History, Humor | Leave a comment