Nobody Gets Email: A Lovely Thought
Nobody Gets Email
You have to laugh at the wuzzie liberals, who are against gun control, but not killing the people they don’t like, like conservatives. Having said that, this IS just a fun joke, sent by a liberal,…and so, I can have visions of Harry Reid, until they invent a Google Eyeglasses that can zap brain thoughts.
Enjoy!
(Thanks to my liberal friend, JR)
This one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without also helping himself. –Ralph Waldo Emerson
In case you are having a rough day, here’s a stress management technique recommended in a recent psychological journal. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.
1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.
2. Your hands are dangling in the cool running water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so clear that you can make out the face of the Congressman you are holding underwater.
See? It worked. You’re smiling. You feel better already
Nobody Notes: on another subject altogether, I just HAD to share this picture of the other lamp I bought yesterday to go along with my King Tut statue in my library…cool huh?
Nobody Cares About My Broken Lamp
Nobody Cares
I didn’t post a thing today, being as to the fact that I went early Christmas shopping, because I HATE to shop in crowds, and I thought Friday would be less crowded than Saturday, but it really doesn’t matter because, I HAD to go, due to the fact that I broke a lamp, that sits on top of my old TV set in my bathroom, and it’s because you really are not suppose to balance a lamp on top of a TV set, especially when it’s posed to get hit right after you come out of the shower, and if the phone rings while your in the shower (which it did) you are bound to knock the little lamp perched on top of the TV set, and then because you thought it was cheap plastic it wasn’t suppose to break, but it did, and you can’t put on your morning makeup without that lamp, because the bathroom has black walls, and hardly any space, and no light to speak of, so I HAD to go out and get a lamp, but the problem was, it had to be the right color, and the right shape to ‘balance’ on top of the TV set, because I simply have to have a TV on when I’m putting on my makeup, but the TV takes up all the room, there is no room for a lamp, therefore I have to put the lamp on top of the old TV—-but I had to go to 6 places today, of course, in a thirty mile radius, looking for just that right lamp, I didn’t get home until late.
But…it was worth it. My little silver lamp, although 15 dollars more than the one I broke, looks very nice in my little black bathroom, and now I can see, until of course, somebody calls me on the phone when I’m in the shower.
So…don’t call me at that time.
I KNEW you didn’t care! Now, aren’t you glad I don’t usually tell you about MY boring life?
Obama Gives Metals to His Progressive Friends—- and Then There’s Loretta.
Nobody Wonders
Poor Loretta Lynn. She must have felt like a Duck Dynasty second sister out of water today—- in the middle of that love-fest of ‘progressives’ at the Metal of Freedom ceremony this morning. Obama used the occasion to remind the country one more time, why America should “trust” him. He sure knows how to pick winners, doesn’t he? All of them but one, were on Obama’s progressive road to Obamaland of the free, gay, black, female…and…obedient. 
Using the JFK’s anniversary, Obama decided to give as many Metals of Freedom today as he could muster. He has a lot of PR to do, and if you wanted to know what the democratic party feels about anyone who is NOT a liberal, all you had to do was watch the ceremony: of course, KING Obama drew the ceremony out as long as he could. It was as much about getting his face on the television handing out metals to his beloved admirers as anything else.
So, let’s take a look at Obama’s hero’s:
Ernie Banks: Gee, a black baseball player from Chicago. He was there when baseball was filled with racist white ball players. (Never mind that those white guys gave him numerous awards.) Does Obama even WATCH baseball? Doesn’t matter. He’s black, he’s from Chicago, that’s Obama’s home town. Color that metal black.
Ben Bradlee: Editor of the liberal Washington Post. He was the hero that helped bring down that horrible Republican monster, Nixon. Obama needs more editors to bring down those corrupt politicians. Color that metal, control.
Bill Clinton: Good chance to show his superiority. Obama acted like Bill was just a nice guy, and really played down his accomplishments as president. He could have been talking about some saxophone player instead. Bill recently came out and said Obama should let people keep their insurance, so Obama had to show the world that he doesn’t really take Bill Clinton seriously. And since the ‘party’ will insist on Hillary as their next Presidential candidate, Ethel Kennedy had to walk them both (Obama and Bill ) to the JFK gravesite to “anoint” the royal successors. Color that metal, platinum.
Daniel Inouye: A democratic Senator from Hawaii. Whatever else he has done, the most important thing he did for Obama was make damn sure NOBODY got a look Barack’s birth certificate. Also, Obama ‘s presidential library is in Hawaii, no doubt on land donated by Hawaii, thanks to Daniel. He definitely gets a metal. Color that metal: Loyal.
Daniel Kahneman: He’s some kind of liberal psychologist which no doubt, being from Princeton, gave the elite democrats a blueprint for manipulating people. I have no clue why he’s here except you can be sure the democrats wanted a Jew because Steven Spielberg was in the room. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t do something for their successes. Probably worked on Common Core. Color that metal, blue.
Richard Lugar: A Republican that Obama can love. Lugar worked tirelessly at Obama’s side helping dismantle our nuclear, biological and chemical weapons (Mostly ours) and he was all for gun control. (NRA gave him an F.) He went to Russia with Obama to look at their nuclear sites, helped Obama get Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor on the Supreme Court: Helped Joe Biden give $1.5 billion dollars to Pakistan, worked on biofuels: In other words, he’s not even a Rino. He makes most of the democrats look like Barry Goldwater. He was there for Obama to give praise to his “bi-partisanship.” Translation: He gives Obama whatever he wants. He gets a bronze.
Mario Molina The scientist who started the whole global—THE OZONE HOLE IS BEING DESTORYED BY MAN! and we need millions to save ourselves!! guy. He gets the green.
Sally Ride: Gee…she was a lesbian. And going into space was NOT her best accomplishment, it was working for gay rights. Sally’s wife was there to pick up the metal. Color that metal: gay.
Bayard Rustin: It’s bad enough that this man had the misfortune to be black, he was also ‘gay’ and he helped Martin Luther King, and got no credit because he was gay. But…his white man partner was there to accept it. This was a two-for-one dream. Black AND Gay, and loved by an old white guy! You can’t GET more diverse than that! If only the world could take this message. Color that metal: gold.
Artor Sandovo: Trumpet player from Cuba. Color that metal, communist.
Dean Smith: Obama loves basketball, and this coach who fought for civil rights. No brainer. Another black metal.
Gloria Steinem: Gloria was on CNN afterwards and just wouldn’t shut up about how women are not paid the same salary as men, and those mean white men still thinks it’s a white man’s world, and how she was being honored by a God, and we are ready for a woman president, but we weren’t in 2008. You know, it’s not easy to stay the same mentally as you were when you were sixteen, but somehow, Gloria has managed it. Color this metal: still stupid.
Cordy Tindall I have NO idea. Civil rights activists…of course! Color this one black.
Patricia Wald: Patricia Wald, first woman appointed to U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia and became the court’s chief judge. The liberals only admit women now into the jobs. They are much easier to control than men, so color this metal: control. AND…putting America under international law.
Oprah Winfrey: Well, she pretty much got him elected the first time, and recently has tried to become the new Mandela, and seems to have become his mouthpiece against racist white America who dare to question him. Oprah…will be there to protect and defend. Color this one, black with gold strips.
By the way—Obama had a Freudian slip before he gave her the medal: He said that people wanted Oprah to call herself “Sally.” before she became famous, and he said that they told him the same thing.
(Ok…is he trying to tell us those really ARE his boots?)
Loretta Lynn And last but not least, poor Loretta Lynn. Nobody Wonders WHY poor Loretta was invited because Bill Clinton snubbed her royally in front of the whole world when she reached out her hand to him. He just kept talking to Lugar, and walked away. Snob. 
Loretta was the token…to show the poor white people of America that Obama still cares about them.
NEXT year: Chairman Mao, Michelle Obama, Burt and Ernie, Ellen DeGeneres, Beyoncé…have I missed anyone?
Oh yeah…Trayvon Martin. I can’t wait.
And for the final CNN orgasm: The four liberal Royals saluting…a dead democratic President.
And by the way, why didn’t Obama go to honor Abraham Lincoln?
Because…Thanks to Spielberg, EVERYONE now knows that Lincoln, was a Republican.
(And is it me? Doesn’t Hillary look REALLY short and pissed off?)
Nobody’s Perfect: Rob Ford VS Martin Bashir
Nobody’s Perfect
First, we see this apology from last week, made by the very entertaining Mayor of Toronto, Bob Ford. Before this very typical politician apology–you know, where they say “we need to move forward, for the good of the taxpayers” when caught being scumbags, the Mayor had been caught smoking crack, when drunk, and ranting madly in a video talking about killing somebody. But HEY! He does this on his own time, he says, therefore, he’s not really guilty!
So, the city council voted to strip him of his powers (after finding out more stuff…like talking nasty, hanging out with prostitutes and pushing down old ladies…etc…) NOW…he’s mad, so he is getting his own reality TV show, called….Welcome to New Jersey! No…sorry…that’s not the name of it. I get him mixed up with another fat loudmouth politician. It happens.
Second: We have the “Sarah Palin should just be forced to eat shit, like the old slaves were made to do.” man of the primetime MSNBC news hour: Martin Bashir. His apology seems so much more sincere, which makes you wonder if he even wrote it.
So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect award for the week?
The man who got on SNL, of course.
Nobody Should Ask ME to Design Obamacare Posters!
Nobody Knows—
—Just what idiot is designing posters to try to get people to sign up for Obamacare, but I have to say, they SHOULD have called me! Let’s take a look at Obama’s suggestions:
With Obamacare, you will get laid more. (lie) With Obamacare, you can drink all you want because you can get a new liver! (lie) Go ahead! With Obamacare, you girls can get rough, and fight all you want, because your broken bone will be fixed! (lie) Trust us! You people are just sluts and alcoholics, and we know…you do need our help. (half-lie) But, here’s what I would have posted….
Nobody’s Perfect: Jimmy Kimmbel VS Michael Moore
Nobody ‘s Perfect
This week, we have two people very interested in death, and then they had to open up their mouths to talk about it….all in the name of humor. But, instead of getting laughs, they got critizied.
Let’s start with Jimmy Kimmel first. It seems China is upset that Jimmy Kimmel did not cut out this very interesting conversation he had with a little boy on his program:
From Reuters:
(Reuters) – China sharply criticized an American talk-show host on Monday for a remark made by a child on his program which has set off protests by Chinese-Americans in the United States.
The controversy blew up when a six-year-old replied “kill everyone in China” after the host, Jimmy Kimmel, asked him how the United States should pay back the $1.3 trillion it owes to the world’s second-largest economy.
Kimmel, who hosts a program called “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on broadcaster ABC, replied: “that’s an interesting idea”.
Yes, to the kid it was an obvious solution. Even though the kid sounded just like something the Illuminati has been saying for years…he was, after all…a kid. And no doubt, Jimmy helped put that fun line in his head, or not. The kid probably plays video games.
But Michael Moore is NOT a kid, and he tweeted this on Veterans day, which…was not exactly in good taste:
“Today, as every day, 22 American veterans will commit suicide. Happy Veterans Day!”
I’m sure the families of those who have lost anyone to suicide would not find this very funny. But he said it. and got his new movie promoted. And I can’t wait till Michael starts twerking because he is running out of stupid things to say. I think he has just about hit every stupid thing ever said on the planet…..he has to step it up a bit. Twerking with Miley would work. We need a Michael Moore Movie—” Twerking for Suicidal Veterans because Michael Cares.” Don’t you think? 
So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect award of the week? Jimmy Kimmel or Michael Moore?
Do I HAVE to decide? Because I can’t. I can’t get rid of this mental vision of Michael Moore Twerking …sorry.
Too Funny! Hilter Loses Health Insurance!
Nobody Gets Email
You’ve seen this before, but this time, it’s even funnier!
Hitler’s health insurance has just been cancelled by Obamacare.
Enjoy!
(Thanks to Conservative)
The Miami Dolphins VS Crystal Greer Brooks
Nobody’s Perfect
This week we have the Miami Dolphins VS Crystal Greer Brooks.
Let’s start with the Dolphins. Remember in high school when the freshmen were harassed by the seniors? Well, that fine tradition has been fine tune to a very lucrative extortion business in the Miami Dolphins.
Young Dolphins players are under pressure to dig deep into their pockets to pay for veterans’ social outings, a practice that is straining their finances and locker room chemistry, according to a source with direct knowledge of the situation. These allegations come on the heels of an ESPN report Sunday morning that Incognito pressured Martin into paying $15,000 for an unofficial team vacation to Las Vegas — a trip that Martin, an offensive tackle, didn’t even join.
One young defensive player, whose privacy the Miami Herald is protecting, is on his way to going broke because he has been unable to say no to the older players, a source said.
“Everything tastes better when rookies pay for it,” veteran defensive end Jared Odrick wrote on Twitter over the weekend. “Yes, the bill would make you sick.”
How nice it that? The younger players are making about $400,000 a year, but they are told to fork up $30,000 for the team dinner. Sometimes the veterans let them split the bill.
The source characterized Dolphins veterans using younger players as ATMs to finance their nightlife whims. These older players have been caught up in the fast-paced Miami lifestyle without the burden of having to pay for it, the source continued.
Gee…sound like anyone you know? (I’ll get to that in a minute.)
And then we have Crystal Greer Brooks, who ran over her boyfriend with his truck three times, all because he didn’t want to go to McDonald’s.
To which a nobody commented: “Three fractured McRibs and a punctured McLung?”
(Nobodies have an excellent sense of humor.)
Hey, I’m all for admitting that McDonald’s is putting chemical addicting adding into their food so that you crave it all—- but Crystal— you were IN his truck, why didn’t you just leave his butt on the side of the road and drive there yourself? Or maybe that restaurant he wanted to go to was Hooters, and you went there LAST week?
Just wondering.
So, who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week?
Obama and Congress, of course!
Our American leaders make the Miami Dolphins look like it’s extortion amateur night. Just like the Miami Dolphins, our American leaders are exempting themselves from Obama care, and making the rest of the poor hardworking class nobodies pay for their big meals, their free healthcare, their free vacations,—all while we have to sit at home and watch ESPN on TV munching on our Doritos.
While we eat McDonald’s, they dine on steak, lobster, and $8,000 bottles of wine thanks to the rookies in the lower soon-to-be be- gone middle class looking for an exit route crowd.
And just like the poor rookies who are afraid of losing their jobs, we can’t say “NO” to Obamacare, because we will lose our jobs.
WAIT…everybody is losing their jobs anyway.
So…congratulations are in order American Government! You win the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week!
That is, if it’s really not your intention to destroy America by extorting humongous taxes on everyone.
If it is your intention, then I’d suggest you call up the Miami Dolphins and ask to be included in the next rookie dinner, and give the rest of us that make well below $400,000 a break.
As for Crystal…maybe Crystal hadn’t eaten in days, due to Obamacare…maybe she just found out she lost her health insurance and would have to go on a diet.
That would explain it.
Barack Tricks You, Then Takes Your Treats….Happy Halloween!
Nobody Flashes
Gee….the words “Trick or Treat” has a whole new meaning this Halloween since we have all found out what exactly is in Obamacare.
We are being tricked out of our treats.
And now, a message from the trickster in the White House: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Yi Lin Zhuo VS Man With a Fish
Nobody’s Perfect
This week we have two people who were just not perfect enough to foresee their future: Yi Lin Zhuo VS a Man with a Fish.
Both these men did not see the jealousy they were arousing on those around them, and therefore, they suffered.
Let’s take Yi Lin Zhuo first:
Yi Lim Zhuo’s crime was being too rich. Yes, it seems he let a illegal Chinese cousin come over from China, and stay with him and his family. Not too smart. The young and lazy (according to all who knew him) Mingdong Chen, (see picture here) was so jealous of Yi Lim’s Zhuo life, that one day, while Yi Lim was at work, he butchered Yi Lim’s wife and four children. because it just wasn’t fair….
Mingdong Chen, 25, showed no remorse when he confessed to slaughtering the family that allowed him to live in their Brooklyn apartment and admitted that he committed the atrocity because he envied their way of life, a police source told The Post. .NYPD Chief of Department Philip Banks III said Chen had cited his inability to make it in America as his motive for the slayings..
“Everyone here is doing better than me,” Banks quoted the suspect as saying during a confession in Mandarin Chinese, the only language Chen speaks. Two of the kids, including the baby, had been decapitated, and there was a trail of blood throughout the house, sources said.
And then there’s this fellow:
Fisherman Bob. (He looks like a Bob.) Not realizing that he has no right to catch fish without sharing his fair share with the seals, Pancho the seal just took it, right out of his hands. Yes, Pancho was jealous.
Poor fisherman Bob—outsmarted by a seal. Nobody’s Perfect.
So who wins the Nobody’s Perfect award for the week?
The MEDIA!
Not only did they not report that Mingdong Chen should not have even been in this country, they seemed sympathetic to the fact that he just couldn’t seem to get it through his head that maybe his cousin had worked long and hard for his riches. After all, it’s not Obama’s fault that the economy is so bad and amnesty hasn’t been passed, and he didn’t get his free welfare check. Obviously, Zhuro was in that secret terrorist society called……conservatives.
And instead of doing their job and going after the lying President for always claiming to know absolutely positively nothing about any scandal that occurs on his watch— (IRS, Fast and Furious, FBI prostitutions, millions losing their insurance, NSA spying, Michelle’s midnight McDonalds’ runs…) , they are posting video’s of people losing their fish. ( I got this video from The Huffington Post. )
So, congratulations liberal and clueless reporters…you win the Nobody’s Perfect award for the week. Nobody reports the “rich Vs the poor’ communist manifesto revolution garbage in order to promote class warfare, more than YOU!
When you finally print those pictures of Obama in the bathhouses of Chicago, that you’ve been hiding, maybe we’ll all start trusting you again.
Take the Test…What’s Your Favorite Movie
Nobody Gets Email;
Amazing it really works this is my all-time favorite movie.
I am OK at math, so I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities.
Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite movie EVER!
2. Multiply that number by 3.
3. Add 3.
4. Multiply by 3 again.
5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below:
Movie List:
1. Gone With the Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama Farewell Speech
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
16. Home Alone




















