Nobody Flashes :Doc Brown’s Tea
Nobody Flashes
This guy is REALLY funny. Somehow he combines a nice cup of tea to RAP. And he’s a very good rapper!
Enjoy! If you’re not laughing at the end of this, then may I suggest you might consider taking Prozac.
Nobody’s Email: Ben Stein
Nobody Gets Email
It’s hard not to like Ben Stein. Here’s one of my favorite quotes from the most famous teacher in any movie.
Nobody Notes: If you haven’t seen Ben’s Stein’s EXPELLED, you should. Right away. In fact, see it twice.
(Thanks to Pattie.)
Paradoxical Quote of The Day From Ben Stein:
“Fathom the Hypocrisy of a Government
that requires every citizen to prove
they are insured … but not everyone
must prove they are a citizen.”
Nobody Cares About the Ocean Currents
Nobody Cares
Here is a really cool visual representation of the Ocean currents between June of 2005 to December 2007. If you look REALLY hard, you can see Al Gore’s butt.
Enjoy!
(Thanks to amfortas)
Nobody Knows that “Nobody’s Perfect” :Dyslexia
Nobody Knows
Many of you may have noticed that a few posts ago, the headline said:
Nobody Reprots:
LOL! Okay, I really feel bad about this, but it’s time to fess up. I suffer from visual dyslexia, so I feel I owe my readers a…warning, one that I hope you’ll help me out with.
Most of the time spell check catches my mistakes, but, while I’m reading over what I’ve written, right after I’ve written it, if I come to a word that I’ve misspelled, my brain doesn’t catch it right away. That’s why when I looked at Reprots…it looked right to me. I KNOW how to spell it of course, but my “eyes” don’t—even when I look at it a second or third time. It’s hard for people to believe, (unless you have dyslexia too) that I don’t catch the mistake. My brain has actually already registered it as okay. 

So I told myself…good god woman, go look it up. So, I Googled it.
GOOD news: Lots of people suffered from dyslexia! Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Michael Faradey, Alexander Graham Bell, Leonardo da Vinci, Ansel Adams, Tommy Hilfinger, Henry Ford, William Hewlett, Charles Schwab, Ted Turner, Frank W. Woolworth, Henry Winkler, Orlando Bloom, Tom Cruise, Whoopi Goldberg, Keanu Reeves, Auguste Rodin, Pablo Picasso, George Patton, Stonewall Jackson, Cher, and John Lennon. They all suffered from ti. 
(I purposely Left “ti” in — so that you can see how easy it is for me..ti..should be it. Sometimes I catch myself, sometimes I don’t.
Now…if you, my dear readers catch me misspelling words or spelling words backwards, feel free to point it out to me…I would be grateful and ever so thankful, because the more I become aware of it, hopefully the better I will be at ‘taming’ my brain into thinking that what it thinks it’s ‘seeing’ is not real.
Don’t worry about making me feel bad…you know…and I know.. that Nobody’s Perfect!
Right? Right. Besides, I can tell myself every time I screw up…that even Einstein couldn’t get all the words right. (not that he HAD to) And I also think that Picasso drew that picture of me at the top. That’s really me. That’s exactly the look on my face when I am trying to figure out if I misspelled the word:..eyb. (bye)
For more of the list of people who have dyslexia, go Here
Nobody’s Imaginary Vacation!
Nobody Flashes
Since my last vacation happened BEFORE Disney died, I like to sit around and think of what kind of vacation I would think up for rich people and their friends…you know, the “Let me help you get a life” vacation? I could be a damn good travel agent for the average billionaire who is tired of going to the South Of France..
Here’s one that I think they would enjoy:
First: The owner of this vacation would pick 1,000 of his favorite people, and pile them on Air Force One outside of Dulles. All that would be needed is a simple $3 billion dollar campaign fund donated to Obama’s re-election money bags, and you would have the finest jet in the world take you and your friends to the thrilling land of S. Korea.
Come on…when was the last time you were in South Korea? The only catch is, “President” Obama might want to come along for the ride since he’ll go anywhere for a party.
Second: You will arrive in Panmunjom, the demilitarized Zone between North and South Koreas….Meeting you at the airstrip will be 250 brand new Mercedes Benz Mini-Vans to take you and your guests to the place where you are going to be spending the night.
Your vans will pull up to the Tentanic..yes, a tent that can hold 1,000 people. There you will spend the night being poured the finest champange, while Celine Dion performs her best hit from the Titanic movie: “I’ll be loving you…in all the old familiar places..back of cars where you embrace me….long agoooooo.”
Wait. No…well, she’s only going to be there singing the one hit from the Titianic, and you will be allowed to smash glasses and throw whatever happens to be on the floor. And don’t worry—Whatever happens in that tent: STAYS in that tent. 
Third: The next day– a real treat! Golf. In pairs of four, everyone will get to play the most dangerous golf course in the world, which sits in the demilitarized zone between North and South Korea. There is only one hole to play: a par three..192 yards, but the rough is filled with land mines! Think of the fun bets you could win by challenging the other team to go in and get his ball! 
Forth: Be sure and ask the “President to play. Donate another $ 5 billion to his campaign.
Fifth:After that fun game of golf, everyone will get back in their Mini-vans and head off to the nearest Ocean. There you will all be given your very own submarine to explore the sea in. Those that do NOT want to participate in this event, have get to sit on the beach and smoke Lamborghini cigarettes, if they like. (One pack: $2,700)
At the end of the day, when all the subs are discarded, everyone will get back in the Mini-vans to get back on Air Force One. Be sure and tell the pilot that the President in on board. If he isn’t, don’t worry. You gave him enough money to get a ride back to the states. Let him buy his own damn plane. 
Hey…did you have fun! Nobody thanks you for traveling on Nobody’s Imaginary Vacations! (Thanks to LuxuryLaunches for all the inspiration!)
Nobody’s Email: Two-Year-Old Star
Nobody Gets Email
Oh my god…help me. It’s Saturday, and there is this guy on Book TV , who just wrote a book called “Constitution Cafe” and he just wants to change our Constitution. He’s liberal, stupid, and he’s driving me nuts.
He likes some Constitution in some other country that guarantees “Happy Material and Cultural” …whatever …to everyone. So “Cultural” means that Muslims can beat their wives I suppose, and “material” means the rich must give to the poor.
We have communists, Martha, coming out of the woodwork, who have NO idea that they are communist. They think they are “enlightened” shamans. Good god…help me.
So, I’ll shut up now, and we can watch this remarkable little guy perform, I am in desperate need of some comic relief.
Enjoy!
(Thanks to Pattie)
Obama Wants Us To Remember the Exodus…
Nobody’s Fool
You don’t get to be President unless you have the talent to appear to be all things to all the people all the time. You must never miss a good political opportunity to remind all the voters how wonderful you are. Obama is losing Jewish money, so for what might be the first time, he is throwing a “Jewish” party, where the Jewish members of his administration will take part in Passover.
I’ll bet you my Big Chocolate Bunny that he doesn’t show up.
Nobody Notices that Obama has picked the “perfect” Jewish holiday to celebrate, one that he can remind the world of how some people (Notice he doesn’t mention Egypt) “Sought to oppress” by their “Faith, color of their skin, or their ethnicity,” other people. (He’s lecturing us again..are you surprised?) Obama was sure to include, in political imagery, the struggle of blacks, Muslims, and liberals—and to remind us all that we need a “common sense of obligation.”
What? We have a obligation to leave? Didn’t Obama have an ‘obligation’ not oppress the Catholics? Didn’t he have an “obligation” not to force them to pay for abortions? Should the Catholics make an exodus to Italy?
Who’s the real Pharoh here?
Marion Barry doesn’t like the Chinese…should they leave? Like always, Obama picks and chooses his “faith” of the moment as easily as a child picks up another Easter Egg out of his basket.
Who else is opressed? Women. Catholics are a lot nicer to women than Muslims, but Obama does not care about that point.
Nobody Wonders how the Jews felt when our President allowed the Muslim Brotherhood to the White House this week. That would be like a parent throwing a big birthday party for the oldest boy, and then letting the second child have a friend over for lunch, while the parents go out to play golf.
Obama says that he welcomes “diversity” even if it means Egypt will go back into strict Sharia Law.
If I were a Jew, I’d take this message for what it is…a PR moment, nothing more.
“So let it be written, So let it be DONE!”
Yeah, right.
‘President’ Obama Talks to Easter Bunny
Nobody Wins
For his Easter message, Obama has come out and tried to tell us all, just how much strength he gets from Jesus, because you see…Obama said this:
“Like us, Jesus knew doubt. Like us, Jesus knew fear, It puts in perspective our small problems relative to the big problems he was dealing with. It gives us courage, it gives us hope. We all have experiences that shake our faith. There are times we question God’s plan…but that’s precisely when we should remember Jesus’ own doubts and eventually his triumph.”
Obama likes to talk about Jesus, especially on Easter: Last year, he said this:
“I wanted to host this breakfast for a simple reason — because as busy as we are, as many tasks as pile up, during this season, we are reminded that there’s something about the resurrection — something about the resurrection of our savior, Jesus Christ, that puts everything else in perspective,” he said. “We all live in the hustle and bustle of our work. And everybody in this room has weighty responsibilities, from leading churches and denominations, to helping to administer important government programs, to shaping our culture in various ways.”
The Easter Bunny, who was standing next to him…had to interpret what Obama told since ‘Presidents’ have speechwriters. According to the real Easter Bunny, who was hiding in the bush next to Obama, Obama turned to the FAKE Easter Bunny and said this:
“You know …I’d like to tell Jesus, he had it good. He didn’t have a lot of nasty Republicans out to crucify him every single day. They want to nail me to the cross. I think, that…well, I could be Jesus. I’m a whole lot like Jesus, because nobody seems to realized just how hard it is to be President. I didn’t make this mess. And uh..uh…I have plans to fundamentally change the world…HELL, I could SAVE the world, just like Jesus, don’t they get that? These stupid hicks in the United States are making it hard to do what I need to do. I can’t pay attention to that crummy Constitution, and I’m getting tired of tiptoeing and reading teleprompters. I want to really say what I want, when I want. Hell, what’s wrong with these people? Too many people are clinging to their guns and bibles. I glad they think that Jesus was a swell guy, in fact, he was a lot like me. I know I’ve been picked to save the world, but it’s just going to take time. ….(pause) ….That’s why I need all the help of the church. I want all the priests in every Sunday Easter Service to get on my message. Tell them they need to get their congregation to vote for ME…uh..because I have suffered like Jesus…That’s how I’m going to get the votes I need. Tell them to tell the people in that I…I’m being crucified, just like Jesus. Tell them that they will STARVE because they won’t get any more money from me, unless they get those lazy Sunday home fried chicken-eating idiots out to the voting booths. Jesus…I only have so many buses. I want that repeated every Sunday until election day, and I mean it.”
(Fake Easter Bunny shakes his head, yes. REAL Easter Bunny burps.)
“I want to feed the poor blacks, the hungry, the Muslims, and I need another four years to get my important government programs set in stone. So, uh..remember that on Easter…now, Joe…take off that silly bunny suit, and go get me a Latte. ”
(Nobody Wins when your President starts thinking he’s Jesus.)
Turn It On!
Nobody Gets Email
I just got this: somebody did the sensible thing and suggested we celebrate our inventions by turning it all on.
Nobody turned anything off…I love my electric, in fact, I’m going to go turn on the air. So…in my Nobody’s Opinion: This was Cool!
(Thanks to amfortas)
The NEW Liberal Scientific Testing Subject: Drunks.
Nobody Wonders
Liberals are having a hard time lately. Here they elected a President who they were SURE was going to be the greatest living human savior next to Jesus: one that would finally deliver them from the evil, moronic, and stupid narrow-minded conservative people that they are finding out dominate much of the United States— and what happened? Every day, Obama screws up: Unconstitutional Health Care, long wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, high gas price, and a wife who can’t stop taking vacations and ordering caviar and lobster for lunch, and he even started going to church!
This can’t be happening.
Obama and Michelle are acting like the very rich people the democrats complain about, and all the people who voted for him to “fundamentally change” the country, are finding out he wants to make their life miserable too. Many Obama lovers are also losing their homes and jobs. They are figuring out that the free lunch is not going to last forever. If only they could change those millions of conservatives out there, everything would be great.
So–somewhere in the la-la land of the University of Arkansas, a psychologist named Scott Eidelman, decided to prove once and for all that being a conservative means you’re stupid. He decided to ‘prove’ it with his liberal scientific method: Called–
The Liberal Scientific Method: Test the drunks at the bar.
” Researchers stood outside the exit of a busy New England tavern and offered to measure patrons’ blood alcohol level if they would fill out a short survey. Eighty-five drinkers agreed, expressing their opinions of 10 statements such as “production and trade should be free of government interference.”
And their conclusion from this very scientific method?
“Bar patrons reported more conservative attitudes as their level of alcohol intoxication increased,” the researchers report.
So they proves— what? That all drunks are conservatives? What if an inebriated Ted Kennedy had been asked those questions? This is the liberal scientific method of testing?
No conservative on the planet would suggest that you test drunks coming out of a bar and call it scientifically sound information, but that’s what makes liberals and conservatives so different from each other. Liberals aren’t afraid to experiment with anything: drugs, sex, gay marriage, gay military, and trillion-dollar stimulus packages given to companies making products that nobody wants. To them, it makes sense just to do it, no matter what the results..it’s the ‘experiment’ that deserves the award , not the results.
*****
Conservatives stick with the tried and true method of doing what has worked before. To a liberal, this is sheer madness…go figure. A conservative would build a skyscraper relying on what works: Steel, concrete, calculus, and planning. A liberal would say, “Hey, let’s just pile the stuff up and see what happens!” What building would YOU feel safer in?
So, what did Scott find out?
“Conservatism, which the researchers identify as “an emphasis on personal responsibility, acceptance of hierarchy, and a preference for the status quo” — may be our default ideology. If we don’t have the time or energy to give a matter sufficient thought, we tend to accept the conservative argument.”
By default, people are conservative? Oh no!
Think about this again: Conservatives will pick the common sense attitude, from information passed down to be true, (Even when he’s DRUNK!) rather than have enough “energy” to give the liberal’s idea much thought, because a conservative can tell you right off the bat that you can’t sell electic cars to a nation which runs on gas, (Even when he’s DRUNK!) and he didn’t waste any energy to even have to think about that no-brainer.
Obama, the liberal thinker, had to spent untold billions and god know how much brain energy to figure that out. And it still hasn’t dawned on him….that duh…it’s not going to work.
We have seen the results of liberal thought “energy” in our screwed up school system. Instead of using tried and true methods of building strong minds in grades 1-5, by grading everyone on mastering the fundamentals of reading, writing, and arithmetic–liberals decided to use their energy making sure all our kids all know how to recycled, believe in global warming, and understand the ‘diversity’ of their various sexual choices. Only half of our kids can now read, but that’s okay. At least they won’t come out of bars drunk and conservative.
Scott Eidelman decided that he only needed one bar to do this survey.
“Ideology is multiply determined, coming from many sources, including values, experience, history and culture,” the researchers note. (How diverse is one bar?) It’s unclear whether this rightward drift would occur in a population of strongly committed but cognitively overloaded liberals.”
Oh…so he just admitted it was a bar full of conservatives to begin with. Nothing like stacking the deck in your favor.
To be fair and scientific, he should have conducted another survey of Eight-five drunks coming out of the White House Press Dinner. But..then again, that would take common sense, something a liberal professor thinks is outdated.
“Research provides evidence that, when under time pressure or otherwise cognitively impaired, people are more likely to express conservative views”
So, Scott’s evidence of 85 drunks in a bar prove that only idiots are conservative. They’d never think of something so smart as wearing ‘hoodies’ on the floor of Congress.
The liberals are so freighted that the dumb conservative people of the drunken state of America, will never take the time and energy to become enlighten to the future of the liberal mind of the New World Global Taxing Order—What ARE they going to do?
They have just found out, that people are conservative when they get drunk or upset. So, if I were a liberal, I’d try to make sure I did not get a conservative drunk or upset.
In other words: Don’t piss off a conservative—especially when he’s drunk… he won’t change.
And if change is what you want…move to Kenya….all the drunks there are waiting for you to command.
Nobody Fixes a Toilet like a Space Man
Nobody Flashes
Did you know that there were two guys in the Space Station right now? Dan Burbank and Don Pettit are floating above us at this very minute. (I think) And what are they doing there? More importantly, did we the American Taxpayers have to pay the Russians $40 million dollars for two America men to get up to the Space Station just to fix the toilet and put out the garbage?
I love the internet…it’s like a box of chocolate, you never know when you are going to see Forest Gump Candy Wrappers floating around a space station, while good American men are trying to perform brain surgery in space, in shorts, and with a sense of humor. I would have liked to see the version they didn’t post.
Toward the end of the video you get the feeling that Don Pettit is trying to reassure Al Gore that they are being very careful about all that space garbage…AND the toilet. I got a kick out this video…but I would have liked it more if it was Al Gore floating up there fixing the toilet.
You can’t have it all, can you?
Enjoy!
Nobody’s Perfect: Dick Cheney VS Katie Troyer
Nobody’s Perfect
Last week, the nation was in shock: Dick Cheney, received a heart transplant without the express permission of the Obamacare panel of “moral and ethical” doctors of death. Liberals were beside themselves at Cheney’s draconian example of wanting to selfishly live a few more years rather than get off the planet and make room for all the illegals that we need to make room for. Also, if Obama is NOT reelected, the chances that Dick Cheney could make a comeback and become bigger than life itself…even bigger than Darth Vadar, has them running to the Supreme Court. This transplant could add another…heaven forbed…ten years to his life! Dick Cheney’s body, imperfect after five heart attacks, will now, be more perfect for the young old age of 71.
On the other hand, here we see widow Katie Troyer, from Muddy Pond, Tennessee. She has not had any heart attacks, and being the Amish women that she is, she sings us a song she learned from her Swiss Father, and personally, I think it would be very unethical to put Ms. Katie under Obamacare, because I don’t think there is anyone in the world who can Yodel like an old stereo 75rpm going running out of juice. She can yodel, as you will see, in at least 18 different keys.
These are the decisions that the Obamacare death panels will have to make: Do we keep Dick Cheney alive? Or do we deny health care to the wonderfully entertaining Katie Troyer? Nobody but God and his doctor should have to make that choice.
None of us are perfect: But Katie is proof that even at 90, you still can make great contributions to the human race, by yodeling all over the state of Tennessee, and Dick Cheney can go on doing his job of driving liberals insane. To deny either one of these great ‘old’ people healthcare would be nothing short of…Satanic.
(Nobody Wonders If Katie needs another daughter, I’m up for adoption.)

