Joyanna Adams

Nobody's Opinion

Ugly Chair: Ugly Purses

Nobody Flashes

This is your ugly chair alert. Someone decided that a chair should have gold charms hanging off the side of it.

No doubt, they were denied a charm bracelet by their mother when they were a child. Maybe it was a boy whose mum didn’t think it would be very becoming for her son to wear charm bracelets. I try not to think about these things, but when they jump out at you, there is not much you can do.

Wait a minute. My own mother once deprived me of a charm when I was about five! We were standing in some store and she was waiting to buy something, and I saw this little tiny silver charm of a bicycle. It’s little petals went around and around as did the wheels and I begged my mother to buy it for me. She turned and said to me, “You know, there are so many children in the world who don’t have anything. There are little babies in Africa…STARVING and they don’t have any toys!” Yes, she used the old liberal “guilt” trip on me.

It was devastating. Not only did I know I would never in my life get to own such a beautiful charm, I also know my mother didn’t love me, and that I was trash for even wanting it. I didn’t eat for…the rest of the day.

Good God. My mother scarred me for life! Is it any wonder that I don’t like to ride bikes? (Nobody is hoping that her readers know she is having too much fun trying to blame her mother.)

Anyway, back to my rant.

Those dorky looking baby brambles on the legs also need explaining.  Just imagine, if someday the world is destroyed by a virus, which eats flesh, and leaves ugly chairs alone.

I’m not going there. Besides, who would FIT in that? Half of America couldn’t even try.

The world has way too many ugly purses and ugly chairs. And speaking of ugly purses, this one is not cheap.Those are real pearls. The skull–I must admit, is nice though. It’s nice that it has at least one redeeming factor.

So, dear reader, if you had to pick between the two…which would you choose?

Which is worth more? The gold charms or the pearls?

Don’t be shy. Just because I think they are both ugly, doesn’t man you don’t think they are really cool. I’m sure YOUR mother would have bought you a charm!

You know what? I don’t think those pearls are real—do you? And as far as we can tell…those gold charms are gold painted fishhooks.

 

 

March 9, 2012 - Posted by | fashion, humor | ,

2 Comments »

  1. i die laughing.
    die…laughing.
    this blog was HILARIOUS.
    the chair reminds me of a charm fixture i have at work, and the clutch reminds me of a judith lieber on crack. and i STILL don’t know which one i’d own more!

    Like

    Comment by sierralei | March 9, 2012 | Reply

  2. Maybe the chair is designed to jingle when we try to wiggle our fat butts out of it, a little psychological humility.

    Like

    Comment by Fiercely Yours | March 9, 2012 | Reply


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